DARKMATTERS - The Mind of Matt

You met me at a very strange time in my life...

Monday, April 30, 2012

Darkmatters Review: Disgaea 3 - Absence of Detention


Darkmatters Review: Disgaea 3 - Absence of Detention

PSVITA

Reviewed by Matt Adcock


Mortal strategy game fan – you are required to report to the Netherworld of Disgaea (say “DIS – GAIA”) where the wackiest, most hard-core strategic battling awaits you…

I have to declare an interest here, I’ve spent hundreds of hours playing Disgaea games – from the original on the PS2, the sequel (also PS2), the nice re-releases of both on the PSP, the cool DS version and of course the high quality 3rd and 4th entries on the PS3. Until getting this version though my favourite has been Disgaea: Hour of Darkness but now the humorous demonic fun hits the PSVITA and the good news is that this is the best Disgaea yet!!

The VITA version is an enhanced version of part 3 ‘Absence of Detention’ which includes over £30 of downloadable content from the PS3 version as standard. Good times!

The developers NIS must be smoking something good as they consistently come up with crazy plots, characters and missions that make everything else look dull and safe by comparison.

The plot takes you to a freaky school called the Evil Academy where being bad is the way to progress. You play as Mao - son of a great Overlord of the Netherworld on a mission to take him down because he trod on your game console (looks a lot like demons rock PSPs), causing the loss of over a million hours of saved gameplay. Understandably - the only recourse is the kill him!!

Underneath the abundance of sexy female characters, evil monsters, insecure heroes and generally odd enemies, Disgaea 3 packs probably the most refined battle system since chess. Sure Final Fantasy Tactics has aped it and games like Advance Wars do something similar with military vehicles etc but if it’s dungeon crawling, levelling up and seriously laugh out loud funny dialogue you want – nothing comes to this.

The basic drill is to create an army of customised members which you can adapt to how you want to play e.g. a team of thieves packing guns backed up with healing magic users or maybe a sword wielding ‘tank’ character who is buffed to almost untouchable levels and has learnt devastating magically enhanced attacks? A lot of the fun is that you can pick your own people / monsters, name them, level them up to virtually infinite amounts.

There is much fun in wandering around the school base – assigning team members seats in classroom (those sitting near each other are more likely to help each other on the battlefield), buying and selling, creating new characters and talking with the host of non player characters. But the real joy comes from the battles – where you assign actions to each of your team in order to defeat whatever enemies are to hand.

"Crazy amounts of damage inflicted? Oh yes!"

The main campaign is deep and long – especially as this version has the DLC alternative story included for no extra cost. Levels are well designed and have been honed from the previous Disgaea games with small improvements that add to the playability. In addition each weapon and item in the game can be ‘entered’ where you’ll find 100+ levels which if you make it through will power up the item… It’s here that you can lose yourself in many, many hours of fighting.

Hats must be taken off to NIS as they have worked hard to make the VITA version of Disgaea something really really special. The graphics look even better than on the PS3 thanks to the smaller screen, cameos from characters from the other Disgaea games can be found – even confusingly from part 4 and there are some great new quests and bosses to work through.

The VITA unique touch screens both front and back are used really well, and there is even a wholly new GPS functionality that boosts your experience points as you travel around in the real world!? Plus integration with the PlayStation Network lets you see how your friends are doing...  Comprehensive and brilliant – this is a shining example of how an already released game can be buffed up and made even better for the VITA.

If you’re a strategy game fan and you’ve never played Disgaea – drop what you’re doing and go and buy a VITA and this (or download from the PSN). Disgaea 3: Absence of Detention is a master-class in portable gaming finesse and packs so much to do that you’ll likely still be playing it this time next year. 


Until the much wished for Disgaea multiplayer online wargame gets made – this is the very definition of a ‘must play’ experience and sets the bar very high for all future PS3 to VITA remakes.

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters: 

ööööö 


5 – Best Disgaea Yet!!




"obsessive fans dress up like the characters!?"

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Review: The Grind



The Grind (15)

Dir. Rishi Opel

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (you can also read a version of this review over at Frank The Monkey)


Oi you muppet – didn’t I see you down The Grind?

Don’t mouth me off, you’re in big trouble, big Dave wants his cash back and you owe him a lot…

Meet Vince (Freddie Connor) – geezer and nightclub manager of ‘The Grind’ – a low rent club in Hackney, East London that is doing very nicely thank you. So Vince thinks it’s time to settle down and take life easier but fate has other ideas.

You see that loser type over there? That’s Bobby (Gordon Alexander), Vince's best mate from school, he’s just been released from prison and it’s looking like he’s going to drag Vince down if he’s not careful.

Bobby's on the cocaine and packing some serious gambling debts to Vince's boss, Dave, owner of The Grind / evil East End loan shark.

The whole mate who owes bad people large money plot has been done before – perhaps most memorably in Martin Scorsese’s Mean Streets but these lively London chaps do the time worn tale justice with some committed performances backed up with above average camerawork and a delicious growing sense of tangible menace throughout.

"you have the right to try and act like a gangsta"

Low budget Brit gangster flicks are dime a dozen and often not worth the time of day, ‘The Grind’ however somehow manages to stand out in the crowded genre – and there’s no sign of Danny Dyer either…

One of the best things here are some fun cameos from Dynamo (the street magician of ‘Dynamo: Magician Impossible’) and Sway (MOBO award winning British grime artist of ‘Level Up’ fame).

The Grind plays some actors against type e.g. Danny John-Jules (you might recognise as ‘Cat’ from Red Dwarf) and the few women (Zoe Tapper and Kellie Shirley) on the scene are great – sexy, stylish and very watchable but neither get enough screen time.

The production values are much better than expected in this sort of flick, yeah the dialogue ranges from the quotable to the poor “Cappuccino – go easy on the froth” but it works. There’s action too and when it kicks off you’ll feel the as the crunching heist scene is one to savor for crime film fans everywhere.

So against all the odds The Grind ends up being a decent crim-em-up drama. If the thought of taking a ride to through the seedy underbelly that lurks on the mean streets of London then this is a DVD you'll want to check. Be careful who your friends are though and never underestimate a desperate man…

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öööö 

4 – Opel does a great job with an obviously tiny budget and marks himself out as a director to watch.

"Kellie Shirley reporting for duty"

Friday, April 27, 2012

Darkmatters Review: Avengers Assemble


Avengers Assemble (12a)

Dir. Joss Whedon

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“Hulk?

Smash!!”

Comic book fans the world over rejoice and behold the Avengers – the ultimate superhero team – finally unleashed on the big screen in an epic super-smackdown that sets a new standard for all superhero films.

The team is made up of Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), Captain America (Chris Evans), Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson), Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) and their leader Nick Fury of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Samuel L. Jackson).

Marvel have been working hard to set up this heavy-duty hero-em-up with several main character films giving us the background on the characters and Avengers Assemble is the pay-off. The hype has been building, expectations are super high and several directors turned down the film citing it being too big a job to effectively bring all the characters to life in one film. But cometh the hour, cometh Joss ‘Serenity’ Whedon and he’s flippin hit a super-powered home run!

The world is under threat from baddie demigod Loki (Tom ‘War Horse’ Hiddleston) – you know he’s the god of mischief and half brother of Thor. It seems he has teamed up with alien race the Chitauri, nabbed a powerful energy source called the Tesseract and plans to conquer earth.


The big question is can our heroes learn to get along so that they can team up to battle the alien invaders, defeat Loki, wrestle back the Tesseract and save the world? There is much fun in watching to find out!

Avengers Assemble brings plenty of hero on hero pain which is a joy to see – Thor vs Iron Man is a particularly grin inducing fight. We film goers should count ourselves blessed that we live in an age where CGI special effects can really deliver the earth shaking effects of super powered beings beating the living daylights out of each other!?

Writer / Director Whedon also brings a great deal of heart and some superb comedy dialogue to the party too which really adds to the involvement. There are many laugh out loud scenes which help balance the super battling (which is absolutely awesome by the way).

Iron Man might get the best lines including: “Dr. Banner, your work is unparalleled. And I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster.” But Mark Ruffalo’s Bruce Banner / Hulk steals the movie and his brief one on one fight scene with Loki is an instant all time classic.

"ultimate super hero team up - oh yes!"


Avengers Assemble delivers everything you want it to - big time - and packs a dangerous amount of thrills. Multiple viewings recommended!!

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööööö

5 – Awesome fun and mucho tasty super action!

Awesomeness ööööö – you'll never forget some of these scenes!!

Laughs ööö – very amusing in many places

Horror ö – not too nasty at all

Babes ööööö – Scarlett Johansson is scorching hot!

Spiritual Enlightenment ööö – take one for the team!?

"not just a pretty face!"

Read another cool review of AVENGERS ASSEMBLE over at CULTURESLAP

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Darkmatters Review: Irvine Welsh’s Ecstasy


Irvine Welsh’s Ecstasy (18)

Dir. Rob Heyden

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Can it really be fifteen years since the awesome Trainspotting put Scotland and drugs on the big screen in a smart, funny and engaging masterpiece based on the ground-breaking novel by Irvine Welsh.

Welsh followed up Trainspotting with a load of similar styled (but not as good) novels which included Ecstasy: Three Tales of Chemical Romance in 1996. Ecstasy tried hard to be a ‘Trainspotting for the E generation’ and now we have the cinematic adaptation of one of its short stories - The Undefeated…

‘Don’t do drugs’ is the message of a generation and Welsh has fun digs at the oppressive government’s happiness crushing policy but it all feels a bit ‘been there and seen this before.’

"pink hair vs schoolgirl club stereotype outfits"

Anyway, meet Lloyd (Adam ‘Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj’ Sinclair) – he’s pushing 30 and living for the weekend. His job is drug smuggling E’s from Amsterdam for a dodgy club boss Solo (Carlo ‘Saw V’ Rota), his life mostly a blur of drugged up happiness. But despite the drugs, music and frantic sex with younger women – pick of the bunch being gorgeous newcomer Olivia Andrup as party girl Hazel – Lloyd’s life is shallow and unfulfilling.

Everything changes when he meets and falls for classy Canadian Heather (Kristin ‘Chuck’ Kreuk), she’s trapped in rubbish marriage to a pig headed loser and quite likes the novelty of the club scene. Is there love in the offing or will the drugs get in the way?

I remember reading the novel when it came out and being a little disappointed – alas that’s exactly how I felt about the film version too. Director Rob Heydon plods through Welsh's material in a worryingly pedestrian style. It’s easy to spot what’s coming next just by noticing who gets introduced at the start…

"it's all in the eyes..."

The club scenes are probably the highlights with some great tunes from the likes of Orbital and Primal Scream but you can take so many shots of people jumping around pretending to be off their nuts before you just get a bit bored.

So the wait for a really decent follow up to Trainspotting based on Welsh’s novels continues but there is a growing buzz around ‘Filth’ which hits soon so maybe just maybe.

Overall Ecstasy is a trip you don’t need to take, it begins with a mild high but soon the rush wears off and all you’re left with is regret at having wasted your cash and a headache.

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öö

2 – The drugs don't work... very well!?

Awesomeness öö – the fast forward sex scene

Laughs öö – occasional smile raised

Horror ööö – a very grim drug overdose is par for the course

Babes ööö – Andrup looks great

Spiritual Enlightenment ö – just say 'no'



Monday, April 16, 2012

Review: Griff the Invisible


Griff the Invisible (15)

Dir. Leon Ford

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Meet humble Griff - office worker by day, superhero by night!?

Griff the Invisible has all the hallmarks of a entry into the awesome genre of ‘home made superheroes’ populated by the excellent Kick Ass and Super… But does this new hero make the grade or is he a wannabe destined to be beaten to a pulp by angry viewers demanding more?

It’s your average tale of Griff (Ryan ‘True Blood’ Kwanten) – your everyday office worker, in an everyday town, his life isn’t all that, bullied by asshole co-worker Tony (Toby Schmitz) and with only his overly protective brother for a pal.

But in the tormented psych of young Griff – he has a secret identity which sees him roaming the dark streets protecting the innocent and the vulnerable from the dangers that lurk in the shadows - he is the hero, Griff the Invisible.

Increasingly concerned by Griff's eccentric behaviour, his brother (Patrick Brammall) attempts to draw him back into the 'real world'. In doing so he introduces Griff to Melody (Maeve Dermody) an equally eccentric and charming girl.

Fascinated by Griff's idiosyncrasies, which are equal only to her own, Melody begins to fall for Griff. As Griff is forced to face up to realities of a mundane world, it is up to Melody to help Griff for the sake of their love.

"wait - you're not Kick Ass?"

Griff the Invisible is actually less ‘super hero’ and more slightly lame romantic comedy and feels like bit of a missed opportunity from debut feature film writer / director Leon Ford.

As we know – with great power comes great responsibility but if you have no power you have to make up for it with wit, skill, courage or maybe a fortune to buy funky gadgets. Griff alas is no Batman (fortune / gadgets), Superman (powers) or even Kick Ass (wit and courage)… but he does take his superhero duty seriously as he says - "It's not a choice, it's a responsibility!"

Melody is a fair match for hapless Griff – it’s just a shame that this film gets bogged down in melodrama with a love triangle of Griff, Melody, and Tim which isn’t engaging. There are no climactic thrills here – Griff the Invisible is an OK quirky romance film at best – just not a very satisfying super-em-up!?


Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öö1/2


2.5 – underpowered and more than a little sloppy but interesting


"Maeve Dermody hits the beach"

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Darkmatters Review: The Cabin In The Woods


The Cabin In The Woods (15)

Dir. Drew Goodard

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

You think you know the story - five teen friends go for a break at a remote cabin in the woods, bad things start to happen.

So what is the secret lurking beneath the stereotypical creepy cabin? … And perhaps more importantly - who will survive and what will be left of them?

The Cabin In The Woods begins as pitch perfect horror in the vein of so many teens in peril set ups that horror fans know so well. But because this is being produced by fanboy favourite Joss ‘Firefly’ Whedon and collaborator / Director Drew ‘writer of Cloverfield’ Goodard things soon take a jaw dropping and highly amusing turn which rips the rug from underneath the viewers.

All is very much not what it seems – and in the interests of not wanting to dilute the pure pleasure of seeing and working it all out for yourself I will not explain anything, just to say that you might never watch a reality TV show in quite the same way ever again.

"What big teeth you have..."

The main cast are obviously having a good time, including Chris ‘Thor’ Hemsworth as alpha male Curt, Jesse Williams as the brainy Holden and a cracking turn from Fran Kranz as dope head Marty (imagine Shaggy from Scooby Doo – just even more wasted!). The girls are represented by the slutty blonde (Anna ‘Yellow Power Ranger’ Hutchison) and the stereotypical cute virgin Jules Dana (Kristen Connolly). These five make up the trusty 5 teens whose life expectancy doesn’t look too good – but also on hand are some nefarious corporate types embodied by Richard Jenkins and Bradley Whitford.

What The Cabin In The Woods does best is balance some serious disturbing gore and horror with some fantastically well observed laugh out loud comedy moments. It is this knowing interplay between the two that makes the film romp along so well - dragging the audience screaming with equal parts shock and delight in it’s wake.

"Evil Dead Style Cabin for Sale..."

Yes it gets pretty nasty at points and I certainly wouldn’t recommend anyone squeamish or easily disturbed taking a trip in these woods but for horror fans looking to have their worlds shaken up by a game-changing blast of scary endorphin stimulation – this might be the best horror film to hit for years!

Spotting the masses of horror film references throughout is a fun additional bonus whilst the climax is so Cthulhu inspired and over the top that this is one freak-em-up thrill show you’ll never forget.

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:


öööö1/2

4.5 – Classy horror comedy fusion!!

Awesomeness öööö – monster mash up climax is unforgettable

Laughs öööö – really funny

Horror öööö – grissly n grim in places

Babes öööö – Hutchinson is yummy, Connolly is yummy too

Spiritual Enlightenment ö – don't trust the puppet masters

"hotpants and fire = hot stuff?"

"Connolly"


Darkmatters Review: Battleship


Battleship (12a)

Dir. Peter Berg

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“BOOM!”

This is both an actual line of dialogue and a surprisingly accurate plot description of this heavy-duty navy vs aliens artillery-em-up…

Boom – see Taylor ‘John Carter’ Kitsch misbehave as the maverick Naval Officer Alex Hopper, he’s a bad boy but might he just be the guy we need to save the world?

Boom – see Rihanna bring her own brand of not really being able to act to the screen as hotshot Naval Gunner Raikes (yep it’s she who gets the line “BOOM!”

"you can stand under my MASSIVE BATTLESHIP GUN!"

Boom - actress and former Sports Illustrated model Brooklyn Decker steams up every scene she’s in as a scorching hot Admiral’s daughter / love interest for Alex.

Boom – marvel at the evil aliens who look like Master Chief from Halo in their armour and like a freak show bearded Matt Lucas when unmasked.

Boom – cringe at the hockey storyline, then remember to put your brain in neutral and just lap up the big budget destruction…

Boom – wonder how much Liam Neeson got paid to put aside his dignity and sign up for this (and probably an infinite number of sequels)?

"transformers ATTACK!"

Boom – cheer for the veteran granddads who step up to help save the day with their old school battleship.

Boom – gasp as for a full five minutes the screen is entirely just a bunch of co-ordinates with the commanders shouting things like “E9” and “Miss”…

You know - for all the boom-tastic pic-n-mix elements that make up Battleship, it is a lot of fun to watch and got a rare 10/10 from my youngest son James. If you have any love for transformers style, big scale aliens vs humans or just cheesy military gung-ho action flicks, go see Battleship it's a blast!

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööö

3 – Boom boom boom!

Awesomeness öööö – battle scenes on the awesome

Laughs ööö – some of the acting is stupidly funny

Horror öö – some of the acting is scarily bad

Babes öööö – Brooklyn Decker is superhot, Rhianna also looks good

Spiritual Enlightenment ö – these high intelligences don't come in peace

"Decker in her previous job"

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Sexism in Games vs Hypocrisy


OK in games, not so much in real life?

Matt Adcock

This week saw video game developers showing off their latest games / announcements at PAX - see the new trailer for Mortal Kombat VITA below for an e.g.:


And while you're wondering why they didn't pick any of the male characters to promote the game you can be sure that as long as there are game geeks to sell to - there will be girls hired to 'be' the video game characters on the booths / or just stand around looking sexy to promote the game and attract the gamers to their stand...

Jessica Nigri was at PAX to 'be' the character from the upcoming game Lollipop Chainsaw - wearing the outlandish costumes from the game:

"cheerleader + chainsaw + zombies =??"

Objectified as a cliched male fantasy cheerleader was deemed OK... But Nigiri’s next outfit was allegedly too provocative and too revealing for the PAX organisers and she was asked to change (even though it is the exact costume worn in the game which was still being promoted to all at the show see below)...

"not acceptable in real life..."

You know - it might be better for the organisers to promote games that don't actually have sexist material in them?

Or how about have some age restricted booths which only allow access to those old enough to play the games?

Cosplay is alive and well though - can you spot which of these 2 are blokes?


"Poison 1"

"Poison 2"



Wednesday, April 11, 2012

LOOPER: taste the awesome


LOVE THIS NEW POSTER!!



LOOPER - The sci-fi pick of 2012

Matt Adcock hearts Bruce Willis, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Emily Blunt - am also a big sci-fi fan so LOOPER is currently hot on my radar. This could be a film of the year contender!

HERE IS THE TRAILER!!


“In the futuristic action thriller Looper, time travel will be invented – but it will be illegal and only available on the black market. When the mob wants to get rid of someone, they will send their target 30 years into the past, where a “looper” – a hired gun, like Joe (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) – is waiting to mop up. Joe is getting rich and life is good… until the day the mob decides to “close the loop,” sending back Joe’s future self (Bruce Willis) for assassination. The film is written and directed by Rian Johnson and also stars Emily Blunt, Paul Dano, and Jeff Daniels. Ram Bergman and James D. Stern produce.”



Mmmmm Emily Blunt...


Monday, April 09, 2012

Darkmatters Review: The Cold Light of Day



The Cold Light of Day (12a)

Dir. Mabrouk El Mechri

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Somewhere in picture book looking Spain, all American chap Will Shaw (Henry ‘next superman’ Cavill) is in a spot of bother…

He’s on the run after his mum and dad, brother and his fiancée are abducted by nefarious bad guys – who also seem to want young Will dead. What’s a guy to do? Well obviously hook up with a sexy Spanish chic Lucia (Verónica Echegui) and run about trying to work out what the heck is going on.

It’s all about a briefcase which contains some tops plans or something and at least two groups of rogue intelligence factions are prepared to kill anyone in their way to secure it. Wills’ dad turns out to be none other than Bruce Willis who adds a little bit of gritty class to the film but only for the 10 minutes or so that he’s in it!?

So in The Cold Light of Day the film really doesn’t add to much – the baddies are led by the not scary at all Sigourney Weaver who appears to be playing the same character that she did in the underwhelming Abduction. She scowls and fires guns but she is clearly here just for the pay cheque (as are most of the cast).

"Bruce - it's so good to be working with you! (for the next ten minutes!?)"

For a so called ‘action thriller’ The Cold Light of Day is light on action and pretty much devoid of thrills – these are 93 minutes of your life that you won’t get back. The dialogue is inadvertently laughable and random, Echegui looks great but shouts things like “areeba!”, straight faced to camera… What is this? Speedy Gonzales?

As a big fan of car chases, gunfights and action movies in general, it takes something really stinky to make me lose all interest and even wish that they’d just get on with it rather than having the chance to relish some high octane thrills.

Director Mabrouk El Mechri shouldn’t be allowed near this genre ever again, we can only hope that this film doesn’t make enough cash to warrant a sequel!? I actually felt sorry for Henry Cavill, he looks awesome and is the only person here actually trying to make a decent fist of the film.

But there is no saving The Cold Light of Day – this is one to avoid unless you have a strange condition where you love mediocre films…


Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ö1/2

1.5 – poor effort from all concerned!

Awesomeness ö – s-l-o-w and mostly dull

Laughs öö – the dialogue is laughable

Horror ö – when anyone gets hurt the audience are likely to shout "and that's from me!"

Babes ööö – Verónica Echegui is hot

Spiritual Enlightenment -öö – the pain in Spain falls mostly on the Zzzzzzzzz

"sexy but really can't act!"

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

Avengers Assemble: Black Widow Action Scene

Scarlett Johansson's Black Widow Kicks Ass



"the black widow"


"super spy little black dress - a weapon of mass distraction"


Check out below the first full online scene from the AVENGERS ASSEMBLE - which features Scarlett Johansson's Black Widow beating the daylights out of Russian thugs , whilst wearing a little black dress and being tied to a chair!?

Proving that women can multi-task she's even on the phone to S.H.I.E.L.D'S Agent Coulson the whole time...

As anticipation grows for the Avengers movie - it sure looks like this is going to be a megaton cinematic event!!




"super catsuit too"

Sunday, April 01, 2012

Darkmatters Review: Wrath of the Titans




Wrath of the Titans (12a)

Dir. Jonathan Liebesman

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“You're sweating like a human... next it will be tears.”

Prepare yourself for a bombastic sequel to the Greek god bothering action flick Clash of the Titans… In the first film Perseus (Sam Worthington), mortal son of Zeus (Liam Neeson), battled various minions of the underworld including the monstrous Kraken to stop them from conquering the Earth and the heavens. Well, a demigod’s work is never done it seems and now Perseus must venture into the underworld to save his dear old dad before Kronos – Perseus’ evil grandfather along with Hades (Ralph Fiennes) and Ares (Edgar Ramírez) can unleash hell on earth.

Zeus and his godly pals have been dangerously weakened by humanity's lack of devotion, and due to our failure to pray to the gods, they are losing control of the imprisoned Titans. The Titans – as the title of the film indicates - aren’t happy!? Their ‘wrath’ though isn’t really manifest very effectively but I guess ‘The slight miffed-ness of the Titans’ doesn’t have quite the same ring to it…

Also caught up in this vaguely underwhelming mythical creature smack down is warrior Queen Andromeda (Rosamund Pike), Poseidon's own demigod son, Argenor (Toby Kebbell), and b-list god Hephaestus (Bill Nighy). Oh and several even more minor characters who are the most obvious candidates not to make it through to the end credits.

"eat my shiny spear of light..."

Will Perseus bravely make it through his treacherous quest into the underworld to rescue Zeus, overthrow the Titans and save mankind whilst also overcoming devilish traps devised just to show off the CGI heavy 3D? Take a wild guess – but that isn’t to say that Wrath of the Titans doesn’t deliver some moments of entertainment (and the 3D is much improved from the first film).

Wrath of the Titans really isn’t a classic and it suffers massively from a limp plot which no amount of special effects can make up for. I saw this with my 11 year old son James who told me that it was “fun if you know your Greek gods” which isn’t exactly high praise. Alas these gods suffer from having been out muscled by other interpretations of them such as the awesome God of War games on the PS3.

So anyone who has read the Percy Jackson books or who really enjoyed the original ‘Clash of the Titans’ might be advised to take a look, for others there isn’t really any reason to check this.

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öö1/2 

2.5 – The gods have lost much of their power...

Awesomeness öö – a few battles verge on the awesome

Laughs öö – stilted funnies from Argenor

Horror öö – hell's minions aren't so scary it seems

Babes öö – Pike makes a striking queen

Spiritual Enlightenment öö – these probably aren't the gods you're looking for...

"Pike is a dirty queen..."

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