Bullet To The Head (15)
Also available over at the awesome CultureSlap here's our live tweet review of Stallone’s latest...
Reviewed by Matt Adcock & Tom Wade
- Mama trailer. Eurgh #B2TH
- Ok so #B2TH is the hastag if you want to come on this Bullet to the Head live tweet, with the live tweet action hero that is @TomCultureSlap
- This cinema is equipped with live tweeting 4 those with sight / hearing problems or those who just can’t be bothered 2 go out tonight #B2TH
- Kevin Bacon advert you make me sad. Please stop Kevin Bacon. #B2TH
- Starts with a bullet out to the screen. Promising. #B2TH
- 30 seconds. Stallone has first kill. Dodgy VoiceOver started ‘this is the way my story went down’ #B2TH
- #B2TH flip titles only just rolling and already there’s a bullet flying out of the screen – it pseudo 3D…
- Stallone has no problems with cats. First joke about Stallone being old made #B2TH
- Man dancing in pants. Obligatory women in shower shot. Stallone in suit, Christian Slater is in the film! #B2TH
- ‘Keep your pants on!’ Says the man wearing only pants. Heh #B2TH
- Sleazy drug n boozed up baddie looks a bit like@TomCultureSlap #B2TH – oops he just told Stallone to F himself… Now he’s dead!?
- Second ‘bullet to the head’ already. Stallone is on fire! #B2TH
- Stallone shouldn’t shave off the goatee. It means you can see more of his plastic face#B2TH
- Nice guy Stallone doesn’t shoot innocent naked hooker witnesses – what a gent! #B2TH
- You can’t get the partners these days. Stallone leaves his partner alone for two minutes to pee and he goes and gets himself killed. #B2TH
- Toilet cubical fistfights FTW, looks like Stallone needs a new partner… #B2TH
- Now Stallone’s face shows either anger or constipation due to not finishing on the toilet. I can’t be certain. #B2TH
- This hooker appears to have a magical panther tattoo that makes everyone suffer from shifty eyes when they look at it #B2TH
- Seriously graphic autopsy – a la Grey’s Anatomy#B2TH Stallone’s growls form idiot’s guide voice over explanation for those not keeping up!
- Stallone brings his own drink to a bar and rents a glass. Badass #B2TH
- Stallone now fighting via a car. Requires less movement. Clever. #B2TH
- Ok first proper shootout ends with Stallone running over baddie and dropping clunky dialogue ‘do it my way or we don’t do it at all’ #B2TH
- Quick trip to a tattoo parlour/surgery/bra free zone. Dialogue still bringing the most unintentional laughs #B2TH
- Stallone’s tattoo parlor female pal has chest sparrow tats just like @lauralrobinson #B2TH
- ‘So far what you got?’ ‘Well I’ve got you…’ Stallone unintentionally flirting furiously with his new partner #B2TH
- Bullets to the head count now 5 #B2TH
- Stallone enters sauna, partner: ‘you’ve got 10 minutes and then I’m coming in’ meow!#B2TH
- #B2TH “lets go take a bath” Stallone likes to get close to his partners… Arguing over weapons now – mobile phone vs apple core…
- ‘Guns don’t kill people, bullets do’ Stallone takes a detour into the philosophical #B2TH
- Stallone is now in his pants and fighting. His body resembles The Thing from fantastic 4. Another bullet to the head #B2TH
- Pattern so far: car banter, Stallone walks in slow motion, fight with quick shaky cam, bullet to head, move on and repeat. #B2TH
- @Cleric20 @TomCultureSlap Following your live tweets for #B2TH. It’s almost like being there…but I’m at home sipping hot chocolate.
- Stallone wearing a party mask. Most expression he’s shown all film. #B2TH
- #B2TH Memorable lines like “Bang. Down. Owned…” Heroes now masked up for swanky party – dress code is suits for guys, topless for girls
- ‘Whip it and zip it party boy’ says Stallone. Second toilet beat down already #B2TH
- #B2TH Christian Slater being interrogated / out act Stallone… “There’s nothing you can do to me that I haven’t done to myself for fun!”
- Nice. Lots if story exposition disguised as interrogation scene. Stallone hasn’t shot anyone for 10 mins. Disappointing #B2TH
- Wait. Now he has. 8th bullet to the head#B2TH
- Stallone is wearing the most remarkable top. A deep V, tight at the top and yet loose and baggy at the bottom. Remarkable #B2TH
- @TomCultureSlap you remember when Walter Hill made decent films? Been a while now?#B2TH
- Ah the old buddy partner bonding – cant last though as cop vows to take Stallone down… We’ll see #B2TH
- ‘I’ll be waiting Confucius’ says Stallone, no doubt mourning the loss of a good philosophical debate in the world of hit men #B2TH
- ‘I’m going to give them what they want, get her back, and then they die’ says Stallone helpfully explaining what’s going to happen #B2TH
- Another bullet to the head – must be in double figured now… #B2TH daughter / flashdrive trade arranged – going to end in tears / bullets
- Do abandoned industrial warehouses only exist to house kidnap victims and stage firefights? America is dangerous #B2TH
- Stallone’s one liners are getting worse “cavebear” he quips to bearded goon… #B2TH
- “I’ll teach you never to trust a man who doesn’t care about money…” By shooting you… No honour among baddies #B2TH
- This action scene has revolved around Stallone slowly making his way down lots of stairs looking out of breath #B2TH
- ‘Looks like it’s down to you and me’ ‘what are we Vikings?’ ‘Pick it up!’ Grunt grunt ‘I’m impressed’ ‘ouch, you ok?’ #B2TH
- Time for climactic one on one axe fight #B2THnicely choreographed – not hard to guess who wins…
- Everyone bad appears to be dead. If that was the sum total of an action film, I believe ‘flaccid’ would be the term to use #B2TH
- @TomCultureSlap film of the year? #B2TH
- When Stallone walks I can’t tell if the film has gone into slow motion or not. That time it turns out it was slow motion #B2TH
- Wow. The last shot and line revolved around a product placement. Stay classy Stallone!#B2TH
- Ends with a car advert for Ferrari – “why not? Nobody lives forever!” #B2TH
- So it’s over. Thankfully it was short. Awful dialogue, slow action, Stallone sleepwalking, and little action to get excited about. #B2TH
- Right that’s us done, sorry for clogging up your twitter! #B2TH
- #B2TH @TomCultureSlap asks “you sure Stallone hasn’t had a stroke that I didn’t hear about?”#actingmasterclass
- #B2TH all done – wouldn’t normally tweet a film but Stallone movies are an exception
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"Sarah Shahi shows what she thought of being in Bullet to the Head"
"this poor girl has 'just seen Bullet to the Head' eyes... can you help?"
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