Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 review

 

Kingdom Come: Deliverance II (PS5)

 – A Platinum Pilgrimage Through the Murderous Meadows of Bohemia

By Matt Adcock (@Cleric20) – Still trying to scrub the virtual blood off my hands

You know you’re deep into a game when the local wildlife start to fear your name. After 200+ hours lost in the mud-caked, blood-smeared wonder that is Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2, I emerged victorious, platinum trophy in hand, sanity… well, we don’t talk about that anymore.

This game doesn’t just invite immersion, it grabs you by the filthy 15th-century tunic and shoves you face-first into history. The Bohemian countryside is rendered with such obsessive detail that I half-expected to contract the plague through my controller. Between the dual-region map of Trosky and Kuttenberg, there’s no shortage of ways to die horribly or embarrass yourself in front of the nobility.

But the real magic is in how alive the world feels. NPCs aren’t just medieval cardboard cutouts wandering aimlessly - they notice things. Hang around a crime scene too long, and they’ll start throwing suspicious glances your way. Covered in blood after a casual highway robbery? Don’t expect a warm welcome at the tavern. One memorable moment saw me forget to wash after a particularly brutal bandit encounter, (for the 'Without Protection' trophy - where you have to break an enemy's shield - tip get a shield, use it until it's wrecked <10% health - then knock out a bandit and swap their shield for the almost broken one, then wait till they come round and fight em!) but let’s just say the local blacksmith wouldn’t even haggle with me until I’d bathed. Fair, really.

And if you’re feeling the call of courtly love (or at least, a well-timed flirt), there’s fun to be had on the romantic front too. From shy village girls to worldly ladies who demand a bit more chivalry, the game lets you dabble in medieval matchmaking. Just be warned—this isn’t a dating sim. Fail to impress, and you’ll find your attempts at wooing met with withering scorn and the kind of rejection that stings worse than a longsword to the ribs.

This is the screen you get for beating the game :)

The Platinum Path: Pain, Perseverance, and Poor Life Choices

Securing the platinum in this beast of a game is a feat worthy of its own ballad. You’ll need the patience of a saint and the moral flexibility of a highwayman. Take the bastard 'Lent' trophy, for example, avoid eating meat or killing animals. Easy, right? Until you realise that in some missions you'll have to fight wolves!?

Then there is the sadistic genius of the 'Overkill' trophy. Kill a rabbit. With what passes for a  'gun'. In the 1400s, before sights or any semblance of being able to 'aim' was invented!? Spoiler: these rabbits aren’t just fast - they’re basically fur-covered ninjas. I achieved this absurd task after discovering a field near Grund that might as well be called the Bunny Battle Royale. Armed with my trusty/wonky scattershot pistol and all the remorse of a Saturday morning cartoon villain, I blasted my way to victory. Just don’t ask how many attempts it took… or how ridiculous it feels firing a hand cannon at a rabbit. Or how smug they look hopping away after you missed again...

Pro Tips for Fellow Trophy Masochists

Save Like Your Life Depends On It. Because it does. You can’t undo a poorly timed rabbit massacre.

Stat Watcher Extraordinaire. Keep checking your menus like a paranoid accountant—one errant sausage or misplaced arrow can ruin your perfect run.

One Save Does Not Rule Them All. Some trophies actively hate each other. Split your playthroughs or prepare for existential despair.

Consult the Ancients. PowerPyx and other guides are your new best friends. Ignore them at your peril.

Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 is not just a game; it’s a full-time medieval lifestyle simulator where every victory tastes sweeter because it came with so much suffering. The NPCs behave more believably than some people I know in real life, the romance is charmingly awkward, and the quest for platinum is the gaming equivalent of climbing Everest, only with more bloodstains and rabbit-related trauma.

Is it worth the hours? The controller-clenching frustration? The existential dread as you realise you forgot to save before launching a rabbit into orbit?

Absolutely.

And if anyone wants to meet me near Grund, I hear the rabbits are regrouping for the sequel…

Out of a potential 5, you have to go with a Darkmatters:

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(5 - Jumped into my all time fav game list...)

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