Dir. Aleksander Bach
Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)
“We determine who we are by what we do.”
Oh dear. The super stylish and unstoppable assassination machine Agent 47 is back – which if it were on a PS4 would be a good thing, on the big screen, not so much. This is the second big-screen adaptation of the kill-em-up Hitman game series and the bad news is that it just isn’t as good as the fun but forgettable first effort from 2007. (Darkmatters Review)
"The car is the star..."
In Hitman: Agent 47, the bald bad ass elite assassin is up against a small army of easily disposed shock troopers led by John Smith (Zachary ‘Spock from Star Trek’ Quinto). Smith is a terrible bad guy, coming across as a sort of Doofus low rent cross between a terminator and Jason Borne. In pretty much every scene he spouts stupid expository dialogue in case I presume anyone had fallen asleep or has been checking their phone waiting for the next action scene.
"Stick to Spock yeah?"
Ok so the look and feel is slick and all the requisite Hitman iconography is in place – including barcode on back of head, the dual .45 hand guns, blood red tie, cool gadgets etc and 47’s female team mate when Katia (Hannah Ware) looks the part. Alas however Hitman: Agent 47 is a complete exercise of style over substance, and not just substance but acting, coherent plot or any emotional involvement.
This film makes the new Fantastic Four (Darkmatters Review) feel deep and meaningful and although there are some reasonably tasty action scenes, it isn’t enough to lift the staleness that clings to every moment when someone isn’t getting shot or Agent 47 isn’t burning rubber in his flash red Audi RS7.
"Agent 47 tries to tackle the film critics"
The blah blah plot is about a mega-corporation that plans to unlock the secret of Agent 47's past to create an army of killers whose powers surpass even his own… Will they succeed or might Agent 47 somehow win out?
If you’re a huge fan of the Hitman games and you can overlook the basic acting on display then at least there are a few impressively choreographed set pieces – but debut director Bach is all about the making things look cool, at the expense of everything else.
It even attempts to set up a sequel with a semi cliff hanging ending, I’d be surprised if it makes enough cash to warrant that though...
Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:
(2.5 - Not a big ‘hit’ – man...)
Awesomeness ööö – moments of tasty action but not enough
Laughs öö – only the bad acting
Horror ööö – mildly grim in places
Spiritual Enlightenment öö - humans don't need upgrades
Recommended Hashtags: #HitMe
Hitman The Game