DARKMATTERS - The Mind of Matt

You met me at a very strange time in my life...

Read my novel: Complete Darkness

Listen to the PODCAST I co-host: Hosts in the Shell

Monday, April 30, 2007

Spider-Man 3 - review

Spider-Man 3 (12A)
Dir. Sam Raimi

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Spider sense tingling… something cool has arrived… something that is going to make comic book fans very very happy…
Yes Spiderman is back back back and this time he’s in for treble trouble. Facing off against three dangerous enemies, struggling to balance his love life and cope with the malignant effects of a cool new black suit, which brings out his darkest impulses.
What this adds up to is over two hours of high velocity web-slinging action, heart breaking emotion and tragedy and even some wicked humour – all in all quite possibly the best comic book movie yet.
Director Sam Raimi returns and maintains the pleasing character-driven narrative from the first two films, if you’ve seen either then this one immediately feels right and you can jump right into the action. This time however the tension is ratcheted up to new heights thanks to Spidey having to face so many new challenges. As Peter Parker, Toby Maguire is still trying to make it work with his childhood sweetheart Mary-Jane (the delicious Kirsten Dunst) – can they make to happily ever after? But as his alter Spider-empowered ego he is busy riding a wave of public affection, wrapped up in himself to the point that he is in danger of alienating the woman he cares most about.
Of course every super-hero needs his quota of super villains and Spider-Man 3 has some of the best – first up is Harry Osborn (James Franco) back as the New Goblin, still looking to avenge his father’s death. Then there’s Flint Marko (Thomas Haden Church) who also goes by the name ‘Sandman’ – owing to the fact that he is literally made of sand. Finally there is fan boy favourite Venom (Topher Grace) – a fanged dark spider space symbiotic suit that wreaks all manner of nastiness. Speaking of which, Spider-Man 3 doesn’t actually get too grim which allows for a wide viewing audience but does mean that Venom has to pull his punches somewhat.
This is by far the funniest of the 3 Spider films too with several seriously comedic scenes – pick of which is an awesome Bruce Campbell cameo as a completely over the top Maître d’…
Everything about Spider-Man 3 is really top notch – the cast are great, the special effects redefine what it is possible to realise on screen and the comic book action kicks butt.
This could be the end of Spider-Man – but let’s hope not!!

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öööö – stomping but age appropriate
Laughs ööö – some cracking funny scenes
Horror öö – dark but not too grim
Babes ööö – Dunst is yummy and so is Bryce Dallas Howard

Overall öööö1/2 (Spiderman set to rule the Summer of '07)

"everyone looks good in black..."

Darkmatters: H O M E
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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

God of War 2 vs Lord of the Rings Online

Been up 3 days - awake awake...

Playing these 2 new very very cool games:

1. Lord of the Rings Online: Shadow of Angmar

Lord of the Rings Online: kick some high def bear ass!!

My review here: http://www.frankthemonkey.com/game_full_review.php?page=340

2. God of War II

"Hi, I'm the God of War... again!!"

My review here: http://www.frankthemonkey.com/game_full_review.php?page=341

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Pathfinder - review

Pathfinder (15)
Dir. Marcus Nispel

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

If you love exciting action movies that feature heavy-duty battles, heroic against the odds bravery and cool mist shrouded visuals then you’d probably be keen to witness Pathfinder… Unfortunately this blood soaked wannabe battle epic of Vikings versus Native Americans delivers nothing but crushing disappointment so don’t get your hopes up!
It starts well enough and certainly gives a good revisiting of Norse warriors pillaging and slaughtering all who they come across. But before you can say ‘why is all so muddled and dark?’ the action degenerates into a muddled dark mess and the plot loses its way (which is a bit ironic given the name of the film).
When the lights came up after 99 minutes of frankly dull Viking bashing antics my friend Ian and I were left shaking our heads and wondering how such a cool concept had managed to be so weak. It isn’t the fault of Karl ‘Eomer from Lord of the Rings’ Urban who plays the hero; an abandoned Viking child brought up as one of their own by the American Natives who call him ‘Ghost’ due to his pale skin. If you could tell what the hell he’s doing it’s entirely possible that Ghost could have been a big screen hero of note. Alas though even when taking on huge bloodthirsty Viking warlords, the combination of too tight camera angles, murky blue/grey film tint and ever present mist mean that you don’t get any chance to be impressed – in fact the fight scenes in Pathfinder are criminally unexciting as a result.
I’ve witnessed more raw emotion and crunching Viking violence playing the chess like board game Hnefatafl, also known as The Viking Game… Nothing in this film is more than average and the risible script is likely to win the ‘most leaden and altogether gibberish dialogue in a movie’ Oscar should they decide to award one…
I don’t think you’re supposed to feel sorry for the monstrous Norse invaders who look like the supporting act from a Korn gig but it’s hard not to when they get little more to do than glare at the camera and die stupidly. The awesome ‘300’ managed to show that superficial but visually wondrous battles can be excellent entertainment, Pathfinder however demonstrates that slow-motion mud drenched gory close-ups are just dull.
Let’s hope this fumble of a movie is a one off and that director Nispel can redeem himself with his next project - a dark reworking of Alice in Wonderland.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö
– there might even be more but you can't really tell
Laughs öö – yeah, at the script
Horror ööö – nasty in places
Babes ö – Pocahontas doesn't really do it for me

Overall öö1/2 (wasted effort drips from the screen)

"this might be exciting if you could see what was going on!!"

Darkmatters: H O M E
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Saturday, April 21, 2007

This is ENGLAND - review

This is England (18)
Dir. Shane Meadows

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Come back to a time, not so long ago when Britain was at war, society was barely holding together in the face of suspicion and intolerance and violent gangs roamed the streets. Yes, 1983, a year when young men were divided into two main groups, there were those who wore their hair long and went for make up in a big way and there were others who shaved off their hair, strapped on Doctor Martin’s boots and embraced a westernised version of Ska / reggae culture.As a big fan of Dead Man’s Shoes and Once Upon A Time in the Midlands it was with high expectations that I went to witness This is England, I came away stunned and impressed, moved and shaken. This is England is director Meadows’ most powerful, subversive and altogether riveting slice of film to date, he captures basic human emotion and fuses the warm ‘80s glow of recent nostalgia through a lens of brooding violent tension and social degeneration.It is the tale of Shaun – a young lad who has lost his father to the Falklands war and is trapped by his overly protective mother in a life of poverty and hand me down clothes. Teased and bullied at school, Shaun is desperate for a male role model, a champion and a friend and he finds all these in Woody (a nicely wrought turn by Joseph Gilgun) – surrogate leader of the local skinhead posse. Woody takes a shine to Shaun and brings him into his little gang; these skinheads don’t appear to be the racist hate filled scum that their social grouping would have you initially imagine. Sure they are into some antisocial damage of property for kicks but at heart these guys and their made up to look like alien sex beast girlfriends are OK.Things change however when Combo (a powerhouse performance by Stephen Graham) the former leader of the gang returns from a stretch inside. Combo is a complex character and it is full credit to Graham that he plays him with a pot on emotionally damaged credibility, he has bought into the BNP racist mantra that ‘England is being taken over by Asians’ and that ‘something has to be done about it’. The group splits because Woody refuses to go down this dark path, Shaun is caught in the middle not knowing whether to follow Woody or stick with the dangerous but charismatic Combo. This is England walks the viewer along a knife edge of tension, and whilst the coming of age experiences play to a universal idea of what teenage life is like, the stalking nihilism and splicing of archive TV footage echo the French masterpiece ‘La Haine’ and mean that when the shocking violent climax kicks off – you can say that you saw it coming. Newcomer Thomas Turgoose who plays Shaun is just amazing and he brings a heartfelt poignancy to the central role which I’m sure many more accomplished actors would have struggled to convey. The film overall is a bittersweet experience but one that I think is highly necessary - the words ‘must see’ should ultimately accompany any conversation about This is England.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö – not an action film but nice build up
Laughs ööö – genuines laughs to be found
Horror öööö – very nasty at points
Babes ööö – under the 'boy george' look they're quite cute

Overall öööö1/2 (This is Excellent)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Monday, April 16, 2007

Curse of the Golden Flower - review

Curse of the Golden Flower (15)
Dir. Zhang Yimou

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Curse Of The Golden Flower, or ‘Man cheng jin dai huang jin jia’ to give it its catchy original Chinese title, is a mind melting tale of intrigue, honour and serious family unrest from the opulent tenth century Tang Dynasty.
From the maker of the excellent Hero and heartbreakingly beautiful House of the Flying Daggers – Golden Flower is the largest in scale of his loose trilogy. This is your golden ticket to take a trip behind the closed ninja guarded doors of the Emperor Ping’s secret court and get to meet his not so happy family. Think East Enders but in a royal palace, where poisoning, plotting and hand-to-hand combat are everyday occurrences. It’s a dizzying, dazzling visual experience that is likely to stay with you as long as you live… Everything here is hyper-real and it certainly throws down the gauntlet to all other ‘spectacle’ films this year - as few will manage to match this for sheer over the top elaborateness.
The gorgeous Gong Li stars as the bitter Empress who is being purposefully driven insane by her husband even as she plots to overthrow him and have her favoured son Crown Prince Wan (Ye Liu) replace him. And when I say ‘favoured’ I must warn you that this is a mother / son relationship that has gone incestuously and dangerously awry.
So when Prince Jai (Jay Chou) returns home for Festival of Chrysanthemums, things escalate to a violent head involving a climatic assault on the palace by thousands of armoured warriors in a true battle royal.
What Curse of the Golden Flower doesn’t have is as many action scenes as ‘Hero’ or ‘Daggers’ did and without these powerhouse regular adrenalin bursts it does feel a bit of an emotional slog at points. Having said that, the few battle sequences on offer here are really excellent (especially the ‘flying ninja pursuit’ and final showdown) but if you’re expecting two hours of butt kicking you’ll be sadly disappointed.
Golden Flower is probably best described as a violent docudrama tragedy which plays out like an oriental Shakespeare play. The combination of memorable visuals, a cunningly twisted plot and masses of exposition make this an Eastern epic oddity that deserves to be witnessed on the big screen but may not follow it’s brethren so quickly into your DVD collection…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):
Action ööö
– great but sparodic
Laughs öö – some amusing intrigue
Horror ööö – gets bloody on parts
Babes ööö – some fine bodice wearing concubines

Overall ööö1/2 (bloated but powerful)

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Thursday, April 12, 2007

PS3 Resistance: Fall of Man - review

Resistance: Fall of Man (15) PS3

Published by Insomniac Games

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

What if World War 2 never happened, suppose that instead of Nazis extermination squads and death camps something even less pleasant happened along… No – I haven’t subscribed to the Mel Gibson school of alternate historical viewing - what I’m talking about is the ‘free world’ facing an onslaught of horrific monsters intent on our extermination / conversion to their many eyed and multiple fanged ranks. I’m talking about a race of creatures called The Chimera – ugly predators with swarms of face sucking bugs and weapon wielding storm troopers backed up by a variety of walking spider like tanks and weird mech variations… And of course only one man can save the human race – and he’s a Yank soldier who has been airlifted into an overrun England to make a stand against the Chimera hellspawn and try to turn the tide of a battle which looks already lost. If you have a PS3 and buy Resistance: Fall of Man, then you can be that man - Nathan Hale is his name and wiping out mutant enemy scum with many assorted and highly satisfying weapons is his game!
Resistance for me pips Call of Duty 3 as the premier first-person shooter (FPS) to grace the PS3 (at least for a few more weeks until the PS3 gets its F.E.A.R. conversion). It looks and plays superbly, which shouldn’t be a big surprise as it comes from Insomniac ‘Ratchet and Clank’ games. It really does feel suitably ‘next gen’ too, as you’ll realise long before enjoying the chaotic mayhem of a 20 vs 20 online multiplayer battles. Resistance shows off some very nice PS3 graphical horsepower with incidental details such as bullet ricochets and glass fracturing, readable flyers posted to walls and amazing ‘heat shimmer’ from burning wreckage all coming as standard.
Whilst the basic one against many shoot everything nasty looking / move to next location and repeat action isn’t very new - it is highly refined. The PS3 Sixaxis adopts the standard console FPS controls, left stick to move and right to aim, shoulder triggers fire your weapon's primary and alternate death bringing modes. The cool motion sensor in the Sixaxis allows you to literally ‘shake off’ the Chimera creatures that will attempt to make babies with your face in an Alien style moment of pure panic inducing nastiness. Online shake your Sixaxis to put yourself out should you get lit up on fire by a flame-thrower wielding enemy…

What I liked best about Resistance though has to be the weapons… Cool, meaty and satisfying to use, plus to Nathan’s unfeasibly large pockets you can carry every new weapon you find, i.e. a powerful arsenal of automatic, energy and bomb style weapons, most of which benefit from having genuinely fun alternate-firing modes. Personal favourites include the ‘Bullseye’ which allows you to tag an enemy, laugh mercilessly as all of your shots home in on their ass even if firing in the opposite direction, and the ‘Auger’, a large caliber gun that can shoot through walls and throw up a force field to protect you... As Borat might say ‘I Like!!’ Also there are some bonus weapons to unlock once you have beaten the single player campaign which allows you to play again with differing tactics.
The enemy A.I. is decent and they can regenerate their life by hiding and resting in the same way that you can so it’s vital to make sure to ‘finish them off’ as you progress unless you want to get swamped.

Resistance's online multiplayer mode is seriously impressive too – even more so considering that this is a launch title. You will make new friends (and enemies) online in no time!!

What else can I say? If you’ve ever fancied some high octane gun action in beautifully rendered, realistic environments against nasty enemies who are as ugly as they are smart… Choose Resistance - you owe it to yourself, I’ll see you online!!!

Oh and there's more Resistance coming in the form of additional maps and play modes... And because this has been the best selling of all the PS3 launch titles, there's a very strong chance that we will fighting our way through Resistance: Fall of Man 2 before too long... Bring it!!

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

öööö1/2 (Heavy duty, quality first person warfare)

"come on then..."

"Eat this!!!!!!"


Another cool Resistance review here: Spong.com

Read my other PS3 game reviews:

Blazing Angels


PS3 initial reaction / review

Darkmatters: H O M E
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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

CARTER USM - Hitting the UK one more time baby!!

"20 years since they formed, 10 years since they split..."

CarterUSM - still love love love em - got my tickets booked, this will be a night to remember!!

Am very excited (hoping this lives up to the awesome
PWEI reformation gig my review here: This was PWEI - wise up suckers)...

Mike if you're reading this - have bagged you a ticket!


How much do I love Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine?


Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine

Photo of me wearing a Carter T Shirt published in The Guardian

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Blazing Angels: Squadrons of WWII - PS3 Review

Blazing Angels: Squadrons of WWII
Published by Ubisoft

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Arrgghhh – they’re all over me!! Multiple bogeys – every which way I turn, I’m pretty torn up and I don’t think I can shake ‘em… Maybe if I lead them in a suicidal dive through a heavy barrage of anti air flak? – To quote Han Solo “They’d have to be mad to follow”… With a swift tilt of the Sixaxis I’m barrel rolling into the cloud of AA fire, my machine guns blazing – enemy fighters are dropping left and right – for the first time I begin to allow myself to think that I might just make it...
Welcome to the Second World War’s Battle of Britain – from the inside of the cockpit! Yes Blazing Angels is a PS3 port of a game that has been available for over a year on Xbox 360 and PC, but that doesn’t stop it being an absolute blast to play (and they have thrown in extra content like 10 extra planes, a couple of extra missions, a new (exclusive) multiplayer mode, and the ability to fly your plane with the Sixaxis tilt controls).

This is your chance to pilot 50 authentic World War II aircraft, from the P-51 Mustang to the redoubtable Spitfire – it has an agreeable arcade style of game play that you can pick up in seconds but may find hard to put down as this version is blessed with a lot of ‘just one more go’ factor… Graphically the PS3 incarnation is the best yet – although being a port the developers haven’t bothered to sort out the occasional frame rate drops which are annoying when you notice them.
Flying by tilting the PS3 controller is a funky way to rule the skies and works better than I thought it would, the Sixaxis controller definitely needs to have rumble put back in for version 2 – Come on Sony, get these on the market ASAP!! - but if they keep making the most of motion sensitive game elements (flOw and Super Rub-a-dub are other great examples) then the ‘This is living’ claim of the PS3 marketing machine is starting to be an accurate description of innovative game design…
Single player bombing, torpedoing and dog fighting missions get progressively harder and the sense of team play in multiplayer (16 at once) aerial dogfights is great – although if they’re working on Blazing Angels 3: Supersonic Air Superiority it would be nice to have voice chat included too.

Overall this is a slick, solid game that will delight plane fans, and sits nicely alongside the awesome ground based Resistance: Fall of Man – the PS3 might be outnumbered world wide by Xbox 360 at a ratio of 3:1 but if it keeps on improving games made on the rival machine alongside adding it’s own unique exclusives, Microsoft should be looking over their shoulders and barrel rolling!!

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

ööö1/2 (chocs away!!)

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Monday, April 09, 2007

The Woods 2 - review

The Woods 2 (TBC)
Dir. Paul Wade

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

'The Woods' was a little known cult Brit horror film of the lowest possible budget variety- made by a renegade production company known only as ‘Wade Bros Productions’…

It was a messy, amateur effort - pretty poor to be honest - but it did have grains of potential and the mysterious Wade Bros obviously felt there was still a lot more to explore with the mythology they created (and when I say created I obviously mean ‘ripped off’) with their strange woods phenomenon.
And so, as is often the case, a sequel has been made...

Here's the plot synopsis (from the Editor and Star Tom Wade’s Blog): “After being chased, mauled and left for dead in the 1st terrifying 'Woods,' the drifter (Simon Wade) now takes up the mantle of 'The Woodsman.' Along with fellow Woodsmen (Paul and Dylan Wade) they rage terror like never witnessed before on innocents who happen to stray in their path. Following the death of his brother and pet dog at the hands of such creatures, special agent Mack Power (Tom Wade) sets off to confront the creatures one last time...”So I hastily seeked out the 2nd film in the potential money spinning franchise which is 'The Woods'.

Man, The Woods 2 is not just a bigger, nastier, louder and longer version, this is like Evil Dead 2 and 3 blended together – just with more half naked Wade brothers running about the woods than malevolent evil dead… But hopefully you get the idea!? Everything is a step up from the first movie – not least the levels of violence, nudity and erm, running through the woods…

Poster quote:

“The Woods 2 is the sickest, most disturbing movie I’ve seen in the last half an hour…” Matt Adcock – Darkmatters

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):
Action ööö – half naked hill billies run amok
Laughs öööö – I found it hilarious but that might just be my sense of humour!
Horror ööö – graphic it ain't, but the implied mutilation is certainly unsettling
Babes ö – I don’t fancy any of the cast members…

Overall ööö1/2 (horror fans should seek this out on YOU TUBE)

Or find it here:

"they don't call this guy 'special' agent Mack Power for nothing...

- he has special needs... and a gun!"

H O M E...

I Stare INTO OBLIVION - Funeral For A Friend are back!!

Into Oblivion - Funeral For A Friend...

Don't think they're singing about the new stunning PS3 version of the massive RPG but the new track is awesome!!

Into Oblivion (Reunion) is released on 07 May... very very cool.

"F4AF's new track - as sexy as the long lost Anna F..."

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Blades of Glory - review

Blades of Glory (12a)
Dir. Martin Weisz

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

An expectant hush falls as the skaters take to the ice, the results of their years of hard training are about to be presented – everything rests on the next few minutes, can they bring home glory or are they destined to fail in front of millions?Blades of Glory starts well, there’s a good triple axle of funny back-stories involving a blonde orphan who was born to skate and looks a lot like my mate Tom, this Jimmy MacElroy (played by Jon ‘Napoleon Dynamite’ Heder) is an effeminate skating prodigy who loves the sequins and figure hugging outfits. He’s up against the red blooded, sex addicted ‘Tsunami of Swagger’ Chazz Michael Michaels embodied by Will Ferrell who prides himself in taking ice based pelvic thrusting to previously unexplored levels. Things get messy when both are handed lifetime bans from the sport following a joint gold medal-wining stand off which ends in the rivals shamefully brawling on the ice.
A few harsh years in the wilderness i.e. with no competitive skating leaves them broken and even dents the faith of MacElroy’s scene stealing stalker Hector (Nick Swardson). Then an unexpected bolt from the blue sees the two rivals thrown a skating lifeline in a loophole which will allow them to compete again – as partners - the first national level boy / boy ice dancing duo.
Cue every ‘crotch to face’ joke you can think of as the macho and over sexed Michaels is forced to dance with MacElroy, the shockwaves sent out from their joint lycra clad entrance even causes the professional commentator to remark: "As if skating isn’t gay enough?"
Throw in a comedy decapitation, some impressively comic ice-dance routines and plenty of very funny dialogue like when the two rivals meet again after their enforced break and MacElroy says: “I see you got fat!” Michaels replies: “I see you still look like a 15-year-old girl - but not hot!”
Blades of Glory takes a solid 5.8 (out of 6) from the judges due to its eagerness to make the audience laugh. Yes it’s seriously stupid stuff but sometimes that can be just the ticket for anyone seeking fun night out and the whole cast certainly go at the lightweight material with unrestrained gusto. The pals I saw this with laughed loud and long – so it’s safe to report that Blades of Glory achieves its mission to entertain.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö – keeps moving
Laughs öööö – laugh out loud funny!!
Horror öö – multiple scenes of disturbing crotch to face
Babes öö – only average eye candy

Overall ööö1/2 (eat my ice...)

Darkmatters: H O M E
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PS3 flOw, rub dub, blast factor ...Gaming Heaven

"PS3 female warrior... who looks a bit like my wife - fancies a game of Virtua Tennis 3!"

"Freaky fun for the whole family (of aquatic microbe munching snakes)..."

Downloaded flOw, Blast Factor and Super Rub-a-Dub this weekend from PlayStation Store - wow, very addictive stuff!! Add a Virtua Tennis 3 purchase and mix for a family friendly Easter Weekend of PS3 mayhem...

Get your juices 'flOwing' Check this out:

Hypnotic, entrancing and altogether gorgeous... playing flOw is awesome and not unlike being tripped out on endorphins.

"Duck or Shark... is it so wrong that I prefer the bonus shark levels where you get eat the ducklings!?"

Super Rub-a-Dub is summed up excellently by Pro-G:

"What adds longevity and excitement to what would otherwise be a fairly short-lived novelty is the instant world ranking you receive on finishing each individual stage. Returning immediately to a level to shave a few tenths-of-a-second off your time, or to gather just one or two more ducklings, is irresistible, when it means you might jump hundreds of places up the leaderboard to the top-100, or even make the best ten scores in the world."

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Super Rub-a-Dub: öööö

Blast Factor: ööö

flOw: öööö

Virtua Tennis 3: öööö

Darkmatters: H O M E
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Sunday, April 01, 2007

Transformers - the movie - prepare to geek out!!

As Optimus Prime says in the stunning looking trailer:

"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings."

See it for yourself here: http://www.transformersmovie.com/main.html

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The Hills Have Eyes 2 - review

The Hills Have Eyes 2
Dir. Martin Weisz

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Gang of mutant hillbillies – check
Unfeasibly good looking squad of trainee U.S. Marines – check
This can mean only one thing… A squelchy sequel to last year's remake of Wes Craven's 1977 exploitation classic has been found crawling into cinemas. It ignores the original movies’ sequel and replaces it with a ‘marines versus cannibals’ second rate version of ALIENS…

This is basically the whimsical and genteel tale of a search and exercise in New Mexico's Section 16 (you know, the one where nuclear testing produced a freakish mutant family who like nothing better then hunting, killing and eating anyone who crosses their path). It’s not remotely whimsical or genteel – in fact The Hills Have Eyes 2 is a brutal gut punch of primal fear and crunching violence, backed up with copious gore and some very unpleasant rape scenes… Quite why you’d want to watch this sort of thing for fun is a point for debate with your psychologist alone – but if limb severing, intestine spilling, brain bashing action is what you’ve a hankering for, this delivers buckets of slightly stale smelling blood.

I’d be lying if I told you that this is an admirable piece of cinema, The Hills Have Eyes 2 takes what could have been a cool fight to the death plotline and wastes it with pointless ‘pick em off one by one’ by the numbers – seen it a million times before - effort. The only good thing about it is new hottie Jessica Stroup (a model who looks laughably out of place in combat fatigues) – she lights up the screen and should find better films to show off her cute ass in, in future… But even she isn't as hot as last year's eye candy (Emile De Raven).
Last year Alexandre Aja did a decent job of remaking the original Hills Have Eyes but his efforts are wasted and watered down by this poor follow up.
The Lucky ones die fast – unfortunately the audience are not so lucky… If by some miracle they decide to knock out another decomposing animated corpse sequel – they would do well to just pretend that this one never happened… Average horror films are legion and this is just another severed head to toss on the pile…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö - some by the numbers stuff
Laughs öö – one really nice bit where a mutant chops of a soldier's hand and waves to him with it as he falls to his death
Horror öööö – graphic and nasty but not very good
Babes ööö – Jessica Stroup is hot - even covered in mud and blood

Overall öö (hardly worth the effort)

"you know of course, blondes like me are much too cute to suffer too much... you brunettes though - you're in for a very bad time!!"

"line up - that's right, we're ready to be picked off from left to right!"

Darkmatters: H O M E
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