Darkmatters Review: Murder on the Orient Express

Murder on the Orient Express (12a)

Dir. Kenneth Branagh

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

Read the newspaper version of this review at: The Observer

“I see evil on this train...”

Foul deeds are afoot on the most famous train in the world (other than perhaps The Hogworts Express). Here we have an all star update of Agatha Christie’s famous whodunit which sees the ridiculously moustachioed Belgian detective Hercule Poirot (Kenneth Branagh) pondering the killing of a Mr Edward Ratchett (Johnny Depp) which happens en route to Paris from Istanbul.

"sorry for the delay, Branagh on the tracks"

Murder on the Orient Express is blessed with an impressive cast which should in theory make this an incredible watch. The 12 suspects include young Mary Debenham (Daisy Ridley), flirty American Mrs. Hubbard (Michelle Pfeiffer), outspoken Pilar Estravados (Penelope Cruz) and haughty Princess Dragomiroff (Judi Dench) as well as Hilgarde Schmidt (Olivia Colman) and Countess Elena Andrenyi (Lucy Boynton) as the potential killer women. Also aboard are the potentially murderous male suspects such as Gerhard Hardman (Willem Dafoe), Hector MacQueen (Josh Gad), Edwards Masterman (Derek Jacobi) and more.

"who's the killer?"

Alas, even with so many A-grade talents vying for screen time, the end result is a thrill-free snooze fest (I clocked several people gently snoring their way through this in the screening I was in). It’s a shame because it all looks lovely and has occasional bursts of stunning cinematography but nothing here rivals the classic and much more sinister 1974 version in terms of anything other than production values.

It seems to take forever to get going, and lacks a consistent style which means that rather than an edge-of–your-seat mystery, Branagh delivers a ponderous mystery culminating in a weirdly underwhelming finale which sees Poirot and his crazy 'tache explaining the killer’s motivation whilst the suspects are gathered at long table framed to look like the last supper.

"the queue for the toilet wasn't too bad"

Director Branagh is also guilty of giving himself the lion's share of screen time which feels a little self indulgent when there is so much other acting talent on hand. Oh and if his prosthetic moustache isn’t up for a ‘best supporting actor’ award it will also be a crime.

There is surprisingly little nastiness, violence, cussing or gore – so you can take your granny with you without fear. But a horrendous murder in a claustrophobic setting like a train should really be more unnerving and involving.

In the end, this is a murderous cinematic train-ride that manages to not be a complete train-wreck but never feels like it hits full steam.

Out of a potential 5, you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öö1/2

(2.5 - Chuff chuff Zzzzzz)

Awesomeness ööö – Occasionally delivers quality.

Laughs öö – Limited unless you can't stop sniggering about that tache.

Horror öö – Very little for a murder tale.

Spiritual Enlightenment ööö - Revenge n stuff.

Darkmatters Review: Thor Ragnarok

Thor: Ragnarok (12a)

Dir. Taika Waititi

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

“Last time we saw you, you were trying to kill everyone. What are you up to these days?”

It can be tough being a super hero, God of Thunder. One day you’re saving earth from all kinds of threats, the next you’re imprisoned by a crazy dictator and forced to fight one your strongest team mates in a lethal gladiatorial contest… All the while letting your evil older sister who happens to be the goddess of death lay waste to your home world in the prophesied ‘Ragnarok’ Armageddon…

"she's Hela cool"

Yes, Thor the ‘Point Break Avenger’ (Chris Hemsworth) is back and things are looking grim for the blonde demi god. He’s lost his hammer, been dumped by his girl and finds himself trapped on planet Sakaar, which is a hive of scum and villainy governed by Grandmaster (the superb over acting Jeff Goldblum). If you’ve seen any of the posters or trailers it won’t be surprise to know that he finds Hulk ‘The Strongest Avenger’ (Mark Ruffalo) is there too, but so also is Thor’s untrustworthy brother Loki (Tom Hiddlston).

"get ready to rumble"

What follows is a kind superhero buddy movie and it’s a grin inducing riot of quality laugh out loud humour, crunching super smack downs and brilliant sci-fi, feel good heroics.

Directed by Taika ‘The Hunt for the Wilderpeople’ Waititi, takes the Marvel Cinematic Universe and gives it a endorphin boost. Not since Deadpool has a super hero film been such fun and Thor: Ragnarok manages to pack in jaw dropping action, laugh out loud gags (both visual and dialogue) and even keeps it all almost family friendly with a 12a certificate.

"He's a friend from work"

Baddie of the piece is the seemingly unstoppable and very nasty Hela (Cate Blanchett on imperious form). Also on hand is the kick-ass one-time Asgardian Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson), faithful gatekeeper Heimdall (Idris Elba), Odin (Anthony Hopkins) and perhaps most fun of all - rock creature Korg (Taika Waititi – who gives himself many of the best lines). There’s another Avenger who shows up too for a class fun meeting with Thor.

I grinned so much watching Thor: Ragnarok that it made my face hurt but man it was worth it. Almost every scene will make any comic book loving soul burst with pleasure as the plot rattles through an upbeat and memorable romp, this is a million miles away from the somber reflective gloom of many superhero tales.

"Sworn to protect"

This is essential viewing, building up next year’s Avengers: Infinity War in fine style.

Out of a potential 5, you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööööö

(5 - BEST. THOR. EVER.)

Awesomeness ööööö – Incredible, this is just super...

Laughs öööö – Excellent well judged comedy humour

Horror öö – Comic book violence throughout

Spiritual Enlightenment ööö - The gods aren't all friendly...

Darkmatters Review: Happy Death Day

Happy Death Day (15)

Dir. Christopher Beau Landon

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

“I know this isn’t going to make any sense. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I’ve already lived through this day…”

Here for Halloween comes a fun new time-looping slasher thriller directed and co-written by Christopher B. ‘Paranormal Activity’ Landon. This is the tale of queen bitch college student, Theresa ‘Tree’ Gelbman (Jessica ‘La La Land’ Rothe), who has to somehow relive the day of her murder with both its unexceptional details and terrifying end until she discovers her killer’s identity and why someone wants her dead.

"chemistry?"

It begins like a normal day for Tree, who wakes up on her birthday in the dorm room of classmate Carter Davis (Israel Broussard) after a drunken romp the previous evening. She spends her day in a self-centred, condescending whirlwind, mean to her classmates, evil to her previous hook-ups, and rudely ignoring her father's invite to take her out for her Birthday. Tree is also having an affair with her professor and generally acts like nobody else matters.

But someone is watching with murderous intent and after a freaky underpass Birthday surprise Tree is brutally killed, only to immediately wakes up again in exactly the same situation as she started the day. Before you can say ‘Groundhog Day’ Tree is living the same events over again – but even though this time she avoids the tunnel of death, the same masked killer manages to murder her again.

"when mascots attack"

The time-loop dynamic is used effectively here both for fun e.g. one day Tree decides to walk through the campus naked just for kicks, but also for some effectively nasty surprises. The violence isn’t extreme but there are many scream out loud moments (if the crowd I saw this with were any indication).

Part of the fun is in guessing how Tree will die each time – but the bad news for her is that each death is starting to weaken her and soon she is hospitalized by her unnatural injuries. Afraid and unable to work out who is killing her, Tree manages to convince Carter of her predicament by showing that she holds knowledge of the day's events.

"When you know someone's out to get you"

Can Tree crack the case of her own murder? Will she learn that she should be a nicer person in the experience? Sure the plot is pretty predictable but Happy Death Day delivers a fun if disposable mildly horrific thrill ride.

Out of a potential 5, you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööö1/2

(3.5 - Lots to enjoy, and re-enjoy, and re-enjoy)

Awesomeness öööö – Classier slasher moments than many out there

Laughs ööö – Very funny in places

Horror ööö – Gets nasty too

Spiritual Enlightenment ööö - Karma eh?

Darkmatters Review: The Ritual

The Ritual (15)

Dir. David Bruckner

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

Read the newspaper version of this review: The Observer

“It wasn’t your fault, mate…”

This is the unhappy tale of what happens following the untimely death of a nice guy called Rob (Paul Reid) whose pal, Luke (Rafe Spall), hid rather than stepped up to try and save him. Ridden with guilt Luke joins his other friends - Hutch (Robert James-Collier), Phil (Arsher Ali) and Dom (Sam Troughton) on a hike in Sweden in memory of Rob. But it’s not long before the group is being hunted through the forest wilderness by something terrifying and the body count starts to rise.

"not a happy shopper"

The Ritual is an effective survival horror which takes tropes from films such as The Blair Witch Project and The Wicker Man, mixes them up with some nasty Nordic mythology. The acting is surprisingly strong for a horror and the build-up works really well. Each of the friends has their own demons but together they are a good bunch of guys who bring some quality believable banter and plenty of laughs before they start to come apart (literally in some cases). Having real empathy with the protagonists makes you care about them when things start to get bad – and the nerve-shredding slow burn build up is expertly handled.

"what could go wrong?"

Director David Bruckner has a great eye for visuals and some of the Swedish landscape cinematography is just stunning. The friends I saw this with were suitably freaked out as the group stumble upon sinister warning signs after taking an ill-advised shortcut through a creepy forest.

When the running and screaming starts it delivers a fascinatingly twisted scenario and the plot shifts from a tense stalk n jump horror to full-on crazy Nordic ‘pagan-em-up’. It’s a shame that the ending – however unsettling feels a bit rushed and silly after the excellent work that has gone before.

"slightly sinister"

Even as the friends find themselves in a horrific life or death situation the chemistry and group dynamics hold firm elevating what could have been a very average horror effort to something that is really worth checking, as long as you have the stomach for grisly goings-on.

The ‘big bad’ in the film is something that hasn’t been seen on film before either which is a plus, but the trim running time means that there isn’t enough bridge from the hidden killer to the ‘well that’s just freaky’ monster mash.

"shock and awe"

If you go down to the woods today, you’ll be both scared and entertained but might not make it out alive…

Out of a potential 5, you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööö1/2

(3.5 - Beware the woods at night... scary stuff)

Awesomeness öööö – Some very effective chills on offer

Laughs ööö – Nice lads banter

Horror öööö – Icky and grim

Spiritual Enlightenment öö - Would you die for a friend?

Darkmatters Review: Blade Runner 2049

Blade Runner 2049 (15)

Dir. Denis Villeneuve

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

Read the less Voight-Kampff test version of this review which is published in the newspapers: HERE

“I was told you’re special. Your story isn’t over yet. There is still a page left. ”

Welcome, thank you for coming. Please look up and to the left while I examine your eyes. Now answer these questions, please answer quickly as reaction time is a factor…

You're watching TV. Suddenly you realise there's a wasp crawling on your arm. What do you do?

OK, you’re now watching the sequel to one of the most iconic and groundbreaking sci-fi films of all time. It’s incredible near future neo-noir stuff, heartbreaking and thrilling in equal measure. Denis ‘Sicario’ Villeneuve, the director, has packed it with retina burningly cool scenes and a stunning storyline that adds pathos to the events that follow on from thirty years before.

"she wants you"

This is the tale of a new Blade Runner on the block, LAPD Officer K (Ryan ‘Drive’ Gosling). K’s job is to hunt down surviving dangerous old model replicants (robots who look and act human) and when off duty he lives with his virtual girlfriend Joi (Ana ‘Knock Knock’ de Armas). After he has a run in with a rogue replicant K unearths a long-buried secret that he is intimately connected to and could plunge what's left of society into chaos.

Wanted by villainous tycoon Niander Wallace (Jared ‘Suicide Squad’ Leto) and hunted by the seemingly unstoppable replicant enforcer Luv (Sylvia Hoeks), K must find the original Blade Runner Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford), who has been missing for 30 years and who might hold the key to the mystery.

"ask questions later"

Blade Runner 2049 is everything that fans of the original could want in a sequel. Gosling is superb in the lead role and he’s ably backed up by the rest of the cast including Ford who delivers his best performance for many years.

The cinematography is eye-popping too, taking the incredible dystopian near future visuals of the first film and expanding them. The gadgets, vehicles and even the iconic skyscraper-sized adverts all add to the feel that the action takes place in very much the same Blade Runner universe.

At almost 3 hours this is a veritable feast for sci-fi lovers but despite the bum-numbing length it doesn’t drag. The storyline is poignant and moving, raising big questions about what it means to be human and what the value of life (even virtual life) is.

"she looks real enough..."

Blade Runner 2049 is an instant classic and possible film of the year. Make it your mission to hunt it down but be sure to have watched the original first.

"not so subliminal messaging"

Out of a potential 5, you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööööö

(5 - Wake up - time to die happy)

Awesomeness ööööö – Incredible, unforgettable scenes

Laughs öö – some sly humour

Horror ööö – gets violent in places

Spiritual Enlightenment ööö - are we human? or are we dancer?

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Darkmatters Review: Flatliners

Flatliners (15)

Dir. Niels Arden Oplev

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

Read the newspaper version of this review: The Observer

“You Haven't Lived Until You've Died…”

What happens when a bunch of medical students get obsessed by what lies beyond the confines of this mortal life? Well, in Flatliners (a remake of exactly the same film from 1990) they embark on a risky experiment - stopping their hearts for short periods to ‘die’ and then be resuscitated in order that they can actually experience the afterlife and live to tell the tale. What on earth could go wrong?

"do you like my head gear?"

First to defy death is Courtney (Ellen ‘Juno’ Page) – she’s obsessed with finding out if there is life after death due to the fact that she accidentally caused the death of her young sister. Then there’s Jamie (James ‘Grantchester’ Norton) who plays a womanising cad trying to get by doing the absolute minimum work. Also on this near-death ride is Marlo (Nina ‘The Vampire Diaries’ Dobrev) who is hiding a past fatal mistake and goody goody Sophia (Kiersey ‘Bad Neighbours 2’ Clemons) complete with an overly controlling mother.

Then there’s the more sensible Ray (Diego Luna) who refuses to go under and experience death but is happy to help with the procedure for his friends. Of course, death doesn’t like being tinkered with and the meddling students start to get all sorts of demonic hallucinations – that just might actually kill them!?

"at least it looks like the cast had fun on set"

Oh, there is an obligatory cameo - Kiefer Sutherland from the ‘90s version - who plays one of the medical professors but even he seems a bit bemused to be there. So slowly but surely the lurking dread tries to build up but it all feels a bit forced.

Once the film shifts gear from pseudoscience thriller into limp horror-wannabe, it’s all weak jump scares and unexpected loud noises. Have the sins of the past found a doorway through the near death and come to settle scores? What are the chances that every single one of the students has a sinister secret too huh?

Ala, the film starts to desperately drag despite the competent cinematography and great cast – especially Page who is just awesomely wasted in this role. Director Opley seems determined to slavishly make his version almost but not quite as good as the original (apart from the special effects).

"it's DOA alas"

Some lines shouldn’t be crossed and unfortunately, the line for tickets to see this new Flatliners is one of them.

Out of a potential 5, you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öö1/2

(2.5 - Life after death shouldn't be this dull...)

Awesomeness öö – not much alas

Laughs ö – very few

Horror öö – not scary enough

Spiritual Enlightenment öö - some lines shouldn't be crossed

Darkmatters Review: Kingsman - The Golden Circle

Kingsman: The Golden Circle (15)

Dir. Matthew Vaughn

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

Read the newspaper version of this review: The Guardian

“My name is Poppy Adams, CEO of the Golden Circle. We engage in an aggressive business strategy… our world leaders have let us all down, so we are coming out of the shadows and taking over. And to make sure no one gets in our way... Kingsman is crumpets – as in ‘toast’ but more British!””

Here it is then, the kick ass sequel to the stylish hyperkinetic action spy-em-up Kingsman: The Secret Service. Leaping from the mind of comic book genius Mark Millar, the oh-so-British super spies are back to save the world and look very dapper whilst they do.

"anything Bond can do..."

From the jaw dropping opening – a full on action car chase through the streets of London at night - through to the insanely ultraviolent and suitably over the top climactic showdown, this is an action flick that really delivers.

Back - and now a fully-fledged Kingsman agent - is likeable teen chav turned gentleman spy Eggsy (Taron ‘Legend’ Egerton), when he’s ambushed by the robotic armed former Kingsman wannabe Charlie (Edward Holcroft) things go very wrong for the Kingsman organisation.

"to absent friends"

With their headquarters destroyed and the world held hostage by new big baddie Poppy Adams (the excellent Julianne Moore), whose HR selection process is to make her team kill, then eat, one of their friends, the remaining Kingsman agents call on their US counterparts the ‘Statesman’.

So we have Kingsman Quartermaster Merlin (Mark Strong), and if you’ve seen a poster or trailer it’s not a spoiler to let you know that the superb Harry (Colin Firth) is also back.

The Statesman agents who are named after drinks include lasso wielding Whiskey (Pedro Pascal), bad boy Tequila (Channing Tatum), weapons specialist Ginger Ale (Halle Berry) and boss Champagne (Jeff Bridges). These new heroes are fun addition and open the door to more international collaborative action in the future.

"action time"

Also in the mix is Eggsy’s Royal girlfriend Princess Tilde (Hanna Alström) and her potential love rival Clara (Poppy Delevingne) who gets a questionably tasteless Glastonbury Festival scene. And then there’s Sir Elton John who plays himself and manages to be an absolute boss, stealing all his scenes.

Sure, if you’re easily offended by bad language, macho bravado or crunching violence, this isn’t the film for you. But for a balls out, feel good adrenalin overload The Golden Circle out ‘Bond’s’ James Bond at his own game and is more fun than all the Bourne films put together. The Kingsman franchise is the new golden (circle) standard for action spy adventures and sets the bar for all future efforts.

"official Statesman skipping rope"

Out of a potential 5, you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öööö1/2

(4.5 - All Hail the Kingsman...)

Awesomeness ööööö – Insane and jaw dropping action set pieces

Laughs öööö – Laugh out loud funnies

Horror ööö – Gets grim in places and violent throughout

Spiritual Enlightenment öö - For Queen and Country

Read Matt's review of the first Kingsman: HERE

Darkmatters Review: The Hitman’s Bodyguard

The Hitman’s Bodyguard (15)

Dir. Patrick Hughes

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

Read the newspaper version of this review: Buckingham & Winslow Advertiser

“Go with God! This man's killed over 150 people...”

Generic buddy action comedies don't often come with such a strong cast – and The Hitman’s Bodyguard brings some A-game likeable heroes with Ryan ‘Deadpool’ Reynolds (who is the titular bodyguard) and Samuel L. ‘Kong: Skull Island’ Jackson (as the hitman)…

Alas that is all Patrick ‘Expendables 3’ Hughes has going for him as despite the fun foul-mouthed banter of the two leads, The Hitman’s Bodyguard is just not a great film in any way.

So we have Michael Bryce (Reynolds), a once AAA rated security provider to the rich and powerful. His career gets nuked when he loses a high-profile client and is consigned to looking after coked out lawyers such as Seifert (a fun but brief cameo from Richard E. Grant).

Meanwhile evil President of Belarus, Vladislav Dukhovich (Gary ‘Child 44’ Oldman) is busy committing genocide and killing off all witnesses who might testify against him. Except that is for ultra hitman Darius Kincaid (Jackson), who has dirt on Dukhovich and thus needs to be protected en-route to give evidence at The Hague, from Manchester in the UK.

Cue some mildly entertaining but ‘seen it all before’ assassination attempts, car chases and lots of banter. One of the problems is the low rent setting for the first major action scene. The streets of Coventry are just really hard to make look cool even when you have a small army of tooled up mercs trying to kill Kincaid. It looks for all the world like one of them might pop in a Tesco Express and grab a sandwich mid battle…

"not a test drive"

As the predictable plot ticks along, there are love interests on hand in the form of Bryce’s ex-lover Amelia (the excellent Elodie ‘Elektra from Netflix’s Dare Devil’ Yung), a C.I.A. agent who blackmails him into protecting Kincaid in the first place. Speaking of whom, Kincaid’s wife Sonia (Salma ‘Savages’ Hayek) is locked up and is being used to persuade him to testify in order for her to be released.

"never cross the streams"

There is one funny flashback of how Mr and Mrs Kincaid met but otherwise it's a case of lazy swearing rather than actually funny lines. Couple this with action which wouldn’t look out of place in a bargain bin DVD and this is massive missed opportunity.


The Hitman’s Bodyguard is averagely entertaining, it’s not rubbish but it could and with the cast it has, should, have been so much better!

Out of a potential 5, you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öö1/2

(2.5 - Average fun and action that should have been better)

Awesomeness ööö – Occasional passable action banter

Laughs ööö – Tries hard for funnies and sometimes works

Horror ööö – Bit nasty torture scene seems unnecessary

Spiritual Enlightenment ö - Coerced friendship still counts?

Darkmatters Review: Atomic Blonde

Atomic Blonde (15)

Dir. David Leitch

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

Read the newspaper version of this review: The Observer

“I chose this life, and someday it’s going to get me killed. But not today…”

In the mood for some stylish violent spy action?

Good, you’ve come to the right place…

It’s 1989, just before the end of the Cold War and the Berlin Wall coming down. Top MI6 agent Lorraine Broughton (Charlize ‘Mad Max: Fury Road’ Theron) must use her expert killing skills to recover a leaked list of operatives which could wipe out most of the agents in the field.

Based on a graphic novel called ‘The Coldest City’, Director David ‘John Wick’ Leitch brings some of the most brutal and exciting spy-em-up action for years to the big screen and Theron is an absolute force of nature kick ass in fine style.

'Kicking ass'

Fuelled by a fast paced twisty plot which sees a Russian killer trying to sell the list of agents whilst both East and West try to recover it for themselves – by eliminating anyone in the way. Lorraine – who is the Atomic Blonde of the title – teams up with British Station Chief David Percival (James ‘Split’ McAvoy) in order to find out who stole the list and killed her friend in the process. However the two do not know if they can actually trust each other which makes for a dangerous game.

Also on hand is foxy French agent Delphine Lasalle (Sofia ‘Kingsman’ Boutella) who takes a bit of shine to Lorraine but again – despite the two becoming lovers - can anyone actually be trusted in the Cold War paranoia?

'Making friends'

Quality support is also on hand from John Goodman and Toby Jones who are the US and UK debriefing team tasked with finding out exactly what happened in Berlin and just why the body count is so large…

Everything about Atomic Blonde is super stylish, and the ‘80s music soundtrack is just superb – from the second New Order’s ‘Blue Monday’ kicks in at the start through to use of Siouxsie and the Banshees and Depeche Mode with one of my all time favs ‘Behind the Wheel’.

'Truth or lies?'

If you want to quibble you could complain about the bad language or the amount of time the females spend in their underwear but overall this is a very strong new potential action franchise.

The action is frenetic and crunching – think John Wick at his best but female and every bit as cool… Theron has created a girl power action icon in Atomic Blonde – let’s hope there is a sequel!

Out of a potential 5, you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööööö

(5 - Tasty action violence spy thrills - delivered in style)

Awesomeness ööööö – Some incredible action

Laughs ööö – Darkly comic

Horror ööö – Gets bit grim in places and lots of death

Spiritual Enlightenment ööö - Blondes do have souls

Darkmatters Review: Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (12a)

Dir. Luc Besson

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

Read the newspaper version of this review: BOSTON HERALD

“After centuries of peace and prosperity, an unknown force wants to destroy all we have created…”

This summer’s latest big space based adventure is brought to us by director Luc ‘The Fifth Element’ Besson, who has made some classic films like ‘Leon: The Professional’ but also some pretty terrible efforts such as ‘Lucy’.

'City of blinding lights / 1000 planets'

Based on a French comic book series set in the 28th century, the plot sees hotshot heroes Major Valerian (Dane ‘Chronicle’ DeHaan) and Sergeant Laureline (Cara ‘Suicide Squad’ Delevingne) as a team of special operatives charged with maintaining order throughout the human territories of the galaxy.

When the Galactic Minister of Defense send the two on a mission to the city (of a thousand planets) called Alpha - an ever-expanding metropolis where species from all over the universe have converged over centuries to share knowledge and live together – a dangerous mystery unfolds…

'Shape shifting'

If you like your sci-fi of the eye-popping, wildly creative kind then Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets will blow you away. There are so many ideas hitting the screen and such a diversity of alien culture, all brought to vivid life through some of this year’s best special effect that you’ll likely be overwhelmed. Think Star Wars prequels but more exciting and richer in imagination.

'Your designated heroes'

If you like your plots ordered and your acting decent though then you may be left wanting as this is a film that rolls along on a wild rollercoaster of cool set pieces loosely tied together by some dodgy narrative. DeHaan and Delevingne look good but their banter feels a bit forced and despite rocking some kick ass space armour, they are unlikely to become cult icons.

So, Valerian and Laureline race around getting into fights and risking everything to try and identify the dark plan which threatens not just Alpha, but the future of the universe. Along the way there is mixed support from Clive Owen as ‘Commander Arun Filitt’ and Ethan Hawke as ‘Jolly the Pimp’ but the most memorable performance comes from pop star Rihanna as ‘Bubble. Yes, it seems that an alien who can transform into anything chooses to make a living as a Rihanna pole dancing tribute circa her Umbrella look – and why wouldn’t they?

'R and R in VR'

Overall Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets delivers a good time for those looking for some out of this world entertainment. And if you enjoy it there are several sequels being planned already!?

Out of a potential 5, you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öööö

(4 - In space, no-one can hear your jaw drop)

Awesomeness öööö – Strong set pieces and crazy imagination at play

Laughs ööö – Some laughs and comic relief

Horror öö – Not too nasty but some violence

Spiritual Enlightenment ööö - Galactic heroes required

Darkmatters Review: Dunkirk

Dunkirk (12a)

Dir. Christopher Nolan

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

“You can practically see it from here… Home”

Strong hearts are required for Christopher ‘Dark Knight Trilogy’ Nolan’s homage to and reverent retelling of the desperate evacuation of the Allied forces who found themselves cut off, surrounded and hunted by the German army. With roughly 400,000 men stuck on the beaches of Dunkirk in France, under constant attack from German planes and with very limited access for ships to land and pick them up – the situation was dire.

The sheer hopelessness of the Allies' position is tangible as the viewers are thrown straight into the plight of young Tommy (excellent newcomer Fionn Whitehead). As his squad are mown down – he finds himself alone and daunted when he makes it to the beach only to find thousands of men queuing for to take their chance on a ship – most of which are picked off by enemy U-boats and aircraft before they get far…

"desperation..."

Tommy comes across private, Gibson (Aneurin Barnard), and together they try to find a way off the beach. Their story is just one of the 3 main perspectives from which the historic tale is told – the others being a small civilian boat whose crew answer the call to try and get across the channel and help to pick up the soldiers and the brave attempts of the RAF Spitfire pilots to try and keep the German planes at bay.

Told in a powerful non-chronological order, the non-linear plotting keeps you guessing at the intensity of the events unfolding before you – who (if anyone) will make it off the beach and what will be left of them physically and mentally…

"Bravey"

The film making is of the highest order, some of the cinematic shots will stay with you for the rest of your life and they are made even more powerful by an incredible score from Hans Zimmer which encompasses heartbeats, stop watches and the screech of machinery.

I had the honour of watching this a few seats away from an actual Dunkirk survivor who was in his nineties. He cried throughout the film and I can’t imagine what it must have been like to experience the fear, confusion and utter turmoil of these desperate events brought back so vividly.

It slammed home that this wasn’t a dramatic plot dreamt up to thrill audiences but rather a terrible reminder of a time when hell came to earth and thousands of men lost their lives.

"The best of the best"

No one character carries this film – sure there are Harry Styles and Tom Hardy on hand but everyone does their part in fine style – without show boating or glorifying the situation.

This is a must see cinematic event – we will not forget those who died for our freedom…

Out of a potential 5, you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööööö

(5 - A staggering, heartbreaking and noble endeavor)

Awesomeness ööööö – Fear and Heroics can be the same thing...

Laughs ö – A few jokes amongst the grimness

Horror öööö – Strong death, horror, and threat - pushes a 12a cert

Spiritual Enlightenment öööö - Bravery transcends humanity