DARKMATTERS - The Mind of Matt

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Monday, June 12, 2017

Darkmatters Review: The Mummy

The Mummy (15)

Dir Alex Kurtzman

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

“Welcome to a new world of gods and monsters.”

All hail the new Dark Universe which launches with The Mummy – Universal Studio’s ambitious reboot of their classic monsters who will end up rubbing shoulders in one big shared cinematic crossover. Sounds exciting huh?

"Feel my sandy wrath"

Erm, alas you might want to lower your expectations based on The Mummy which sees recognisance expert soldier Nick Morton (Tom 'Edge of Tomorrow' Cruise), a guy who is partial to hunting for some illicit treasure whilst running and gunning around Iraq. Nick finds himself caught up in the plans of the ‘ultimate evil’ after he inadvertently reawakens nasty Egyptian princess Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella) thanks to calling in a drone strike that reveals her tomb / prison.

The action kicks off with some nice set pieces but because you have Cruise in the lead role it does all feel a bit ‘sub-Mission Impossible’ and even ‘haven’t we seen this stuff before?’

"Cor blimey guv - I'm a scallywag"

It gets worse however once the writers start shoehorning in characters such as Dr. Jekyll / Mr Hyde (Russell Crowe) who couldn’t be less scary if he tried. The transformation between Jekyll and Hyde comes across more like a straight-laced scientist morphing into cockney-tastic Danny Dyer… There was laughter in the screening I was at and it wasn’t because of any of the limp jokes made but due to the sheer preposterousness of the plot.

Sofia Boutella however does all she can as the main baddie – and she looks the part thanks to the big budget effects - but even in her world destroying Mummy guise she never feels like a threat that can’t be beaten because it’s Tom Cruise up against her.

"The shuffling remains of the Dark Universe"

It’s tragic that a film with so much talent and budget can only deliver such average entertainment at best. The fact is that this feels poorly written and poorly thought through - or designed by a squabbling committee of execs - means that the end product lurches about from one unfeasible plot point to the next without making sense.

Also along the dispiriting ride are Jake Johnson who plays Nick’s soldier buddy Chris and Annabelle Wallis as Egyptologist Jenny Halsey who serves as an ex-love interest for Nick.

"You'll believe man (and woman) can fly"

To enjoy this new Mummy you’ll need to either be brave enough to overcome disappointment or just very easily pleased. They just don’t make em like they used to…

Out of a potential 5, you have to go with a Darkmatters:


(2 - I want my Mummy: to be better than this)

Awesomeness ööö – Occasional bursts of competence

Laughs öö –  Funny for the wrong reasons

Horror öö – Slightly nasty but not very scary

Spiritual Enlightenment 0 - Nothing to see here...

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