Darkmatters Review: Arrival

Arrival (12a)

Dir. Denis Villeneuve

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

Read the newspaper version of this review: The Biggleswade Chronicle

“Language is the first weapon drawn in a conflict.”

Arrival – possibly my favourite ABBA album and now it’s been made into a feature film… Oh wait. This is a whole different thing!?

Director Denis ‘Prisoners’ Villeneuve’s Arrival is a new take on humanity’s first contact with extra-terrestrial life, as witnessed through the experiences of language expert Louise Banks (Amy ‘Nocturnal Animals’ Adams). Banks is given the task for trying to communicate with our alien visitors – no small feat seeing as these Heptapods are octopus kinda creatures that ‘speak’ in booming resonance tones unlike anything on earth.

that's no moon...

As Mankind reacts with suspicion, aggression and fear, the world is brought to the verge of global war as everyone scrambles for answers, can Banks find a way to save the day? What will it take for us to put our puny squabbles aside and rescue humanity from annihilation?

Adams is great in the lead role giving a nuanced and moving performance as Louise and she is ably supported by math and physics expert Ian Donnelly (Jeremy ‘The Avengers’ Renner). Together these two desperately try to connect with the aliens in order to ascertain just ‘what do they want with us?’

Also on hand is Colonel Weber of the U.S. Army (Forest Whitaker) who is under pressure to get meaningful results from the communication process. His men, however, are getting jumpy and keen to blow the uninvited visitors back to out space.

but what are you?

The Heptapods themselves are wonderfully realized and are worthy additions to the growing catalogue of cinematic aliens. For creatures that are so very obscurely different to us there are even moments when you’ll find yourself caring about the main duo who Donnelly affectionately nicknames ‘Abbott and Costello’.

Arrival, however, isn’t a ‘shooty’ sci-fi, this is a meticulous, deeper, thought-provoking communicate-em-up which is tinged with a haunting melancholy. Don’t let that put you off though, as it is rare to find a film so well made and so engaging despite its slow pace and ponderous build up.

there mostly come at night, mostly

Even those looking for another Independence Day sci-fi action romp should readjust their expectations and take this trip as the plot sees we humans struggling to come to terms with suddenly not being alone in the universe. Arrival will certainly leave you wondering what you would do should we ever find ourselves in such a situation and it may well stimulate meaningful conversations with your loved ones about the nature of life, destiny and hope.

Arrival is mind expanding, jaw-dropping essential viewing for all sentient creatures.

high five?

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööööö

(5 - Incredible beasts from outer space and where to find them)...

Awesomeness öööö – The 'dialogue' scenes are bewitching

Laughs öö – Not a great deal of fun

Horror öö – Unnerving but not too grim

Spiritual Enlightenment öööö - let's live in peace?

Darkmatters Review: War On Everyone

War On Everyone

Dir. John Michael McDonagh

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)



Lt. Gerry Stanton: I received very serious allegations of an assault. Corruption charges against you. Now what have we learned?

Bob Bolaño: Bribery and corruption are bad.

Lt. Gerry Stanton: Yes! Progress has been made.


Meet Detectives Terry Monroe (Alexander 'Legend of Tarzan' Skarsgard) and Bob Bolaño (Michael 'The Martian' Pena) are two of the most corrupt cops ever to grace the cinema screen.  They don't so much enforce the law as use it entirely as a means to enjoy life - be that beating up criminals, doing drugs, stealing money or generally not caring... But they still somehow manage to bring bad guys to book.

bad cop, bad cop

War on Everyone Director John 'The Guard' Michael McDonagh has created an offensive masterpiece of violent buddy cop action. The profanity will offend many, the dubious nature of our 'heroes' will turn off others but the corrosive wit and superb action scenes mix genuine laugh-out-loud funnies with powerful, hard-hitting social commentary.

The plot sees the shady cops uncovering plans for a $1 Million bank heist which they obviously feel they should get a cut of, cue leaning hard on informers such as the hilarious Reggie (Malcolm 'The Office' Barrett) who gets lines like 'who am I? Huggie Bear?' and in a movie-stealing surreal moment flees to Iceland which leads to an unforgettable manhunt.

time to right some wrongs

Pena and Skarsgard have a brilliant chemistry, the jokes are dark, so very dark in their humour and the Monroe's Chevrolet Monte Carlo steals the show by virtue of being pretty much indestructible. Big baddie of the piece is James Mangan (Theo 'Underworld Awakening' James) who ups the ante for hateableness by committing unforgivable crimes which need vengeance, aided by his awful henchman Birdwell (Caleb 'Byzantium' Landry Jones). When it comes to picking sides for the final showdown, Monroe and Bolaño are very much the 'good' guys.

War on Everyone might not be The Nice Guys but I loved its dark heart even more than it's bigger budget co-cop-comedy competitor and the stylish production really adds to what has proved to be a divisive film. These 'bad boys' look great in their cool suits and Monroe's love interest Jackie (Tessa Thompson) brings a strong female counterpoint to his over the top antics, even introducing a very modern form of possible salvation as a dysfunctional family unit when they take in runaway kid.

informers = fair game

Effectively sending up everything from True Detective to Starsky & Hutch, War on Everyone has more in common with films like In Bruges, Seven Psychopaths or Kiss Kiss Bang Bang than Ride Along or such.

This is a very entertaining lethal weapon, only likely to be enjoyed by those with liberal and bullet proof senses of humour, in a word 'superb'.

always time for a feel good dance scene

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öööö

(4 - Bad boys whatcha gonna do? Sit back and enjoy!!)...

Awesomeness ööööö – Staggeringly over the top set pieces

Laughs öööö – Strong, balls out dark humour

Horror öööö – Very violent and quite nasty in parts

Spiritual Enlightenment öö - Buddy cops for life

Darkmatters Review: Nocturnal Animals

Nocturnal Animals (15)

Director: Tom Ford

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

"Do you ever feel like your life is turning into something you never intended?"

Welcome a highly unsettling cinematic ‘tale within a tale’ of Susan Morrow (Amy 'Batman v Superman’ Adams) receives a manuscript of a disturbing novel entitled ‘Nocturnal Animals’ from her ex-husband Edward (Jake ‘Nightcrawler’ Gyllenhaal)…

It's art darling

Edward was the love of her life but Susan left him and destroyed is life by aborting his child. Now their paths look set to cross again after 20 years as he wants her opinion on his novel.

We meet Gyllenhaal again as the fictitious Tony, a guy with a lovely family – gorgeous wife Laura (Isla Fisher on great form) and teenage daughter India (the incredible Ellie ‘Pride & Prejudice & Zombies’ Bamber). One night on a long road trip their lives become a living nightmare when they run into some very unfriendly ‘Nocturnal Animals.’ The aftermath of which leaves Tony broken and desperate for revenge.

harsh times

The clever interplay of the exceedingly hard to watch attack on the family and the effect the novel has on Susan is masterfully handled – the resulting emotional damage is both intense and riveting. Adams is great showing real range as Susan as she recalls her first marriage and starts to confront some dark truths about herself whilst all the while affecting an ‘everything’s cool’ outer veneer. Her facetious art world buddies are no help and her current husband Hutton (the superb Armie ‘Man From U.N.C.L.E.’ Hammer) is more interested chasing other women.

Director Tom Ford whose day job is as a fashion designer delivers a super stylish, very dark thriller based on the book ‘Tony and Susan’ by Austin Wright. Ford’s arty stylings are apparent from the titles as hugely overweight naked women dance naked as part of an art exhibition, it’s mesmerizing but also slightly queasy at the same time – and certainly throws down a challenge to potential viewers.

danger signs

Nocturnal Animals is an absorbing, melancholic revenge-em-up that will leave you pondering the dark heart of man and the very nature of relationships. The performances are excellent, special props to Adams, Gyllenhaal and Michael Shannon (as local cop Bobby Andes who just wants to bring a little more justice to the world before he dies from lung cancer). Jena Malone gives good cameo support along with Andrea Riseborough whilst big villain of the novel Ray Marcus (Aaron ‘Kick Ass’ Taylor-Johnson) is a brilliant character study in swaggeringly hateable but charismatically unsavoury drifter.

at least the cast had fun making it by looks of things

Everything really works to create a masterful dark thriller that will burn into your subconscious and leave you shaken and stirred.


Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööööö

(5 - Beware but enjoy the animals of the night )...

Awesomeness öööö – Clever and disturbing scenes abound

Laughs ö – Not much by way of funnies

Horror öööö – Very nasty in places and uncomfortable throughout

Spiritual Enlightenment öö - Treat those you love with care

Darkmatters Review: The Accountant

The Accountant (15)

Director: Gavin O'Connor

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

Read the newspaper version of this review: The Hemel Gazette

“Sooner or later, different scares people.”

My name is Christian Wolff I’m good with numbers, I have an affinity with them, people though… Not so much. I work in finance as an accountant for some of the world's most dangerous criminal organizations, I kind of make their book-keeping look like it might be OK but there’s this Treasury guy who is trying to shut me down. So it looks like I’m going to have to use my other set of skills – those as a ruthless and unstoppable killer – in order to make things turn out alright.

Wolff (Ben Affleck) is an interesting character, part Raymond Babbitt - Rain Man, part Jason Bourne - Assassin. The plot however is mixed bag of million-dollar accounting discrepancy investigation, potboiler dodgy deeds thriller and surface level study into Asperger's Syndrome (used as a kind of super power which feels odd). Director Gavin ‘Warrior’ O’Connor injects some good action scenes whenever the financial stuff gets a bit dull and there is a decent body count for those looking for an unusual action thriller.

the overdue tax penalties were harsh

The Accountant isn’t however, a film you’ll be able to take very seriously, everything from the flashbacks of how Wolff’s father (Robert ‘House of Cards’ C Treveiler) had him trained in a kind of Batman-lite sort of assassination school – in case he got picked on for his condition, through to his motivation for helping young struggling junior accountant Dana Cummings (Anna ‘Pitch Perfect’ Kendrick) doesn’t really click.

Having said that the production values are high and Affleck brings his hunky charisma to this killing by numbers party. The list of potential bad guys is topped by Lamar Black (the awesome John Lithgow) who may be behind the missing millions but things are complicated as Wolff himself is being investigated by Ray King (J.K. Simmons) and his coerced minion operative Marybeth Medina (Cynthia Addai-Robinson).

bad guys a go go 

As the danger amps up alongside the number of people who Wolff has to shoot, the book-keeping is left on the shelf and the film goes all out for climactic thrills. This makes the many scenes of painstaking paperwork seem more like plot gimmicks used to dress up a by the numbers action effort.

If you’ve a hankering for some big screen accounting mixed with some effective brutal action kill streaks, make an appointment with The Accountant. It’s a decent effort but just don’t expect it all to add up to much.

pulse pounding figurework

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööö

(3 - Calculated action thrills that work)...

Awesomeness ööö – Slick and likeable scenes aplenty

Laughs öö – Occasional mirth

Horror öö – Moments of violence but not too grim

Spiritual Enlightenment ööö - Life is like a box of chocolates

Darkmatters Review: Hell or High Water

Hell or High Water (15)

Dir. David Mackenzie

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)


"He wouldn't know God if he crawled up his pant leg and bit him on the pecker."

Heartbreaking bad life choices and a viciously anti-consumer banking system drive a divorced father and his nasty ex-con older brother to a desperate scheme in order to save their family's ranch in West Texas.

Despite its crime-em-up stylings, Hell or High Water is a film that has family at the heart. Exciting bank heists, shootouts, chases and a body count follow but relationships form the core and it is the family dynamic that makes Director David 'Starred Up' Mackenzie's film so engaging.

The writing is fantastic throughout, these are  living, breathing, believable characters who it's easy to get attached to. Jeff Bridges really shines and has rarely ever been better, delivering a masterpiece of grizzled Texas Ranger (who has hilarious banter with his long-suffering half Mexican / half Comanche partner Alberto Parker (Gil Birmingham) - the interplay between these two crackles with uncomfortable energy thanks to Taylor Sheridan's razor-sharp script.

The outlaw brothers at the heart of the film are portrayed by the stoic Toby (Chris 'Star Trek' Pine) and the crazed Tanner (Ben '11:14' Foster) - both delivering pitch-perfect performances. These two anti-heroes are dangerous to hang out with but compelling company, even when they are just shooting the breeze in a diner or hitting on women in Casinos post-heist. The awkwardness of brotherly love that transcends the law and muddies the moral compass is wonderfully written and portrayed.

violent times

Just how far will a good man go when desperation closes in around him from every angle? This is a strong visual hell of slow-burning tension and rising stakes which uncovers the full extent of both the selfless actions of the brothers from two contradicting angles. Toby is at heart an honourable cowboy fighting against injustice whilst Tanner is his dark and volatile flip side - a high plains drifter who leaves chaos in his wake.

The stunning cinematography which evokes the desolate sadness that haunts the run down areas around Texas that really makes this like a modern day Western. Everything comes together to deliver a powerhouse cinematic experience which is one of the best of the year.

Hell or High Water is a must-see film that should be regarded as a classic going forward.

hunting season

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öööö

(4 - Heavy duty emotion and crime make good bed fellows)...

Awesomeness öööö – Intense robberies and more

Laughs ööö – Strong dark humour throughout

Horror ööö – Violent and unflinching

Spiritual Enlightenment ööö - Strange pathos can be revealing

Darkmatters Review: Doctor Strange

Doctor Strange (12a)

Dir. Scott Derrickson

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

Read the Newspaper version of this review at: The Dunstable Gazette

“Heroes like the Avengers protect the world from physical dangers. We safeguard it against more mystical threats...”

The Doctor will see you now – but Marvel's Doctor Strange is the story of the talented neurosurgeon Doctor Stephen Strange (Benedict ‘Sherlock’ Cumberbatch) who, after a nasty car accident, travels to the mystical Far East to try and find healing. What he encounters however changes everything and with the world in peril he must put his massive ego aside and learn the secrets of a hidden world of mysticism and alternate dimensions.

this might sting a little

Director Scott ‘Sinister’ Derrickson has come and a long way since making direct to video Hellraiser sequels, here he crafts the compelling origin tale for a key new member of the Avengers – just in time for the Infinity War which hits screens in 2018. Doc Strange is not like the other Avengers in that he wields magic as his super power (and is helped no end by his superb Cloak of Levitation which has more personality than many side kicks).

Packing a vast array of metaphysical abilities (OK spells then) and Doctor Strange might sound like a Marvel Cinematic Universe take on Harry Potter but this is by far the coolest magic we’ve seen on the big screen to date. Strange makes Harry Potter’s wizarding world look weak in comparison (and has certainly thrown down the mystical gauntlet to Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them in terms of sheer jaw dropping ‘oohhhhh factor’).

best on screen cloak since Spawn!

Everything about Doctor Strange, as a film, feels fresh and exciting, giving the Avengers universe a nice ‘Inception’ world-folding boost in the process. The visuals are just incredible and the plot bounces along without dragging, working to establish and make viewers care about what is quite an odd character.

On hand to support Strange are the female contingent of the movie. His gorgeous and talented one-time girlfriend Christine Palmer (Rachel ‘True Detective’ McAdams) who is handily a surgeon to patch him up and The Ancient One (Tilda ‘Narnia’s own White Witch’ Swinton) who trains him in the arcane ways are both great too.

Expelliarmus

Also on hand is baddie Kaecilius (Mads ‘Casino Royale’ Mikkelsen) a sorcerer who has turned to the dark side and now seeks to usher in the dark dimension for his big boss Dormammu and end the world. Can Strange save the day? It’s a new kind of magic.

Superhero fans should book an appointment with Doctor Strange ASAP and be sure to stay for not one but two end credit scenes.

spin that top and see what's real...

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öööö1/2

(4.5 - It's a groovy Marvel kind of magic)...

Awesomeness öööö – Fantastic battles and where to find them

Laughs ööö – Some great 'Ant Man' kinda comedy

Horror öö – If you're averse to magic incantation usage, step away

Spiritual Enlightenment ööö - There's no God in here but there is eternal life apparently

EVE: Valkyrie PlayStation VR Review

EVE: Valkyrie PlayStation VR Review 

(PlayStation 4)

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

For the last week or so Darkmatters editor Matt Adcock has been mostly hooked up to the new PlayStation VR - and whilst he's played or demo'ed a good number of the 50 launch games, one has stood out as a stone cold classic. That game is EVE: Valkyrie...

Here's a preview of my review for @PushSquare:

It's a virtual EVE-olution

EVE: Valkyrie is a strong space dogfighting sim that got quite a lot of love when it launched on the Oculus Rift, and now it deserves to get more love as it hits PlayStation VR, as the cheaper PlayStation version holds up really well compared to it's much more expensive stable-mate (whose users you can battle or team up with thanks to cross-platform play).

Fast reactions required...

Taking the persona of a cloned elite fighter pilot, EVE: Valkyrie immerses you in virtual reality space combat that will fulfil any intergalactic dog fighting urges you may have. Becoming a spaceship pilot in the wider sci-fi universe of EVE sees you joining the 'Valkyrie', an outlaw band of galactic pirates, who are resurrecting clones to do their nefarious business. By nefarious business we mean shoot-up enemy spaceships great and small in a beautifully rendered universe that looks incredible and "feels" fantastic to fly around in.

In space nobody can hear you whooping with joy

From the second you fire up EVE: Valkyrie, it feels like a class act; the menus and set up – even choosing your pilot is very nicely put together. The PlayStation VR headset renders the hangars where you pick options in groovy low light detail; looking to choose which menu you require gives you the feel that you're getting a glimpse of the future right in your living room.

When you first take to the skies, you'll immediately be hit by the scale of your surroundings. Asteroids and debris will give you some practice at navigating, and then, just as you're gaping at the huge planet in the distance with a sunburst coming off it, you'll be in the thick of the fight as the enemies engage you and the adrenaline ramps up. There may not be many maps to fight out scenarios on, but each is rich in detail and offers a great deal of aerial engagement possibilities as you swoop between (or into) structures and try to get the drop on your opponents...

It's heady stuff - read the rest of my review over at PUSH SQUARE!

Darkmatters Review: Swiss Army Man

Swiss Army Man (15)

Dir. Dan Kwan, Daniel Scheinert (The Daniels)

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

"We're gonna die. That's a thought. Everybody dies. I'm sorry if this makes me weird or you don't understand, but I wish I was dead again."


Death eh? Not really a laughing matter but then neither is being stranded on a deserted island, slowly going mad as the years creep past... Anyway, Swiss Army Man finds young Hank (Paul '12 Years A Slave' Dano) lost, lonely and fast losing hope as he finds himself shipwrecked.

Cheers amigo

Preparing to end it all,  he suddenly spots a body (Daniel "Harry Potter' Radcliffe) washed up on the shore.  Is Manny - this dead body actually Hank's salvation? Actually yes, using the flatulence of the gassy body to his advantage, Hank 'rides' the body like a jet ski across the sea back to the mainland.

However - Hank now finds himself lost in the wilderness with just Manny who begins to start talking despite his corpse status and together they find new meaning in life (or afterlife or whatever you call it when a dead body becomes sentient but not actually alive, and not in a Walking Dead kind of way!?)...

Writer / Directors  Dan Kwan and Daniel Scheinert (the Daniels), have a reputation for wacky and entertaining shorts and music videos. With their big screen debut - Swiss Army Man has delivered a fascinating head trip that combines absurdity, mystery, mental health issues and an insight into the human heart.

Look it's my sanity

Hank's bromance with Manny is kind of similar to Chuck Nolan's with the basketball Wilson in Cast Away - just with a lot more farting. The relational dynamic at the heart of the film holds up a Black Mirror-esque reflection on societal behavior and what is considered weird vs. what is normal.

There is also the Fight Club possibility that the narrative we're being fed might not actually be all that reliable. I certainly wondered if the narrator and Manny going to turn out to be the same person at points but the surreality fused with an odd spirituality make this existential journey one which could be taken as a dead man's boner pointing straight into madness.

Life eh? What's it all about...

Stylishly shot and wickedly funny, Swiss Army Man is an oddball gem which will make you consider life, death and the importance of being yourself... Sure if you're at all squeamish about dead bodies - this isn't the film for you but for those with a sense of adventure and a seeking nature - this is a must see experience.

I'll leave you with some wisdom from Manny himself:

"If my best friend hides his farts from me then what else is he hiding from me, and why does that make me feel so alone?"

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öööö

(4 - Freaky and weird but kinda wonderful too)...

Awesomeness öööö – Unique and mind bending

Laughs ööö – Very funny but very dark

Horror ööö – Icky and grim in places

Spiritual Enlightenment ööö - Strange pathos can be revealing

Darkmatters Review: Jack Reacher - Never Go Back

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (12a)

Dir. Edward Zwick

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

Read the newspaper version of this review: Bedfordshire Times

“You’re a legend. Folks wonder why you left. Purple Heart, Silver Star. There is this big dent desk, people say you made it with someone’s head.”

Jack Reacher (Tom Cruise) is back doing what he does best: kicking ass and looking moody, not following orders or protocol but getting the job done. The ‘job’ this time is uncovering a sinister arms deal conspiracy possibly being carried out by rogue elements of the US Military.

I said I wasn't giving you a tip!

Jack isn’t happy when the foxy Major Susan Turner (Cobie ‘The Avengers’ Smulders), who he has been flirting with over the phone, is arrested on trumped up charged. She isn’t happy that some of her soldiers have been executed whilst investing odd weapons transfers overseas. Also unhappy is the bad-ass bad guy of the piece – ‘Hunter’ (Patrick ‘Black Swan’ Heusinger) who is hell bent on wiping Reacher out.

Never Go Back is a standard action thriller which doesn’t ever quite kick into top gear but is very watchable and refreshingly not too nasty for a 12a cert. Cruise is totally at home in this role which requires him to run about, punch and shoot people and drive fast for most of the movie. A nice additional twist here though comes in the form of young Danika ‘Heroes Reborn’ Yarosh who plays Samantha, a girl who just might be Reacher’s estranged daughter. This means Cruise has to dig deep and twitch his jaw muscles occasionally to show that he is connecting with his possible offspring (when he’s not saving her from continually stumbling into the path of the army of baddies).

There's lots of running in this movie

The action scenes of note include an impressive rooftop fist fight, a night firefight and a chase through New Orleans’ Mardis Gras carnival – if none of those sound particularly new, that’s because everything here is strictly by-the-book.

Director Edward ‘Blood Diamond’ Zwick delivers competent, fast-moving thrills but they are fleeting diversions which are fun while viewed but instantly forgettable. Everything looks good, Cruise gets his shirt off to show that men in their 50’s can still be buff, Smulders gets her shirt off to show she has muscles too. Yarosh is a likable sulky teen and the baddie Hunter is suitably driven even if his team of military goons are so disposable you almost feel sorry for any of them that go up against the unstoppable force of nature that is Reacher.

You're charged with making this sequel not as good as the first film

Perfect non-taxing action thrills, you should watch it once but you probably won't go back…

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööö

(3 - Solid and enjoyable action - just no classic )...

Awesomeness ööö – Gets going in places

Laughs öö – Occasional mirth

Horror öö – A bit of meaty fisty cuffs

Spiritual Enlightenment ööö - Loners can win the day

Darkmatters Review: Inferno

Inferno (12a)

Dir. Ron Howard

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

“There’s a switch, if you throw it half the people on earth will die, but if you don’t in a hundred years then the human race will be extinct. I left you a path, the hardest one yet, only you can finish it. You are humanities final hope.”

The mystical ‘switch’ that dastardly baddie Bertrand Zobrist (Ben ‘Warcraft’ Foster) is refereeing to might as well be the exit door handle of your local cinema alas because this 3-quel to The Da Vinci Code and Angels & Demons is a bit of a brain melting bore…

Hanks users with PlayStation VR vision to spot the baddies

Sure we’ve got plucky Academy Award® winner Tom Hanks reprising his permanently perturbed looking brainy symbologist Robert Langdon, once again running about good looking locales on a trail of clues tied to the great Dante himself. But it gets very hard to care for long as Inferno takes dull explanatory dialogue to levels that could comatose most mortal men.

This time, Langdon wakes up in an Italian hospital with amnesia, which might go some way to explain why he feels the need to go into micro level detail about everything he is currently looking at - out loud to whoever will listen. It’s almost funny for a while but after the first hour or so it really gets tedious. The good news is that his obligatory museum-clue-finding-em-up partner here is the much cooler Sienna Brooks (Felicity ‘Star Wars: Rogue One’ Jones), a doctor he hopes will help him recover his memories. But honestly, she’s much too good for him.

also known as Rocky Horror 2

Anyway, together, they race around Europe, looking at things and saying what they looking at out loud just in case the audience can’t somehow see the same thing as they are. Of course, it’s all against the clock in a bid to try and to stop mad Zobrist from unleashing a global virus that will wipe out half of the world's population.

It actually sounds much better on paper than it plays on screen – yes Director Howard knows how to shoot a location with style and the production values of this money spinning series are sky high.

Hanks is a fantastic actor, and has made some incredible films but the Da Vinci series have for me been the low points of his career and alas Inferno doesn’t do anything much to stop that trend.

Hanks realises just how bad the film is...

Should you go see Inferno? Infer- NO

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öö

(2 - Dull is as Dull does )...

Awesomeness öö – Average moments abound

Laughs ö – Not much fun at all, unless you laugh at exposition

Horror öö – Might cause brain death?

Spiritual Enlightenment ööö - Museums will save us all

Darkmatters Review: The Girl On The Train

The Girl On The Train (15)

Dir. Tate Taylor

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

“I read once that when a train hits it can rip the clothes right off of you.”

The train company would like to apologise for the unexpected delays to your service today. It seems that the impossibly good looking couple in the house near the tracks are doing saucy things and it has distracted the driver and at least one of the passengers. Also, in an entirely unrelated note, if there are any devious murderers on board, would they please make themselves known to a member of the team. 
Thank you.

OK so here comes the big screen adaptation of Paula Hawkins’s hit novel, it's been relocated to America and monkeyed with a little but still tells the tale of Rachel Watson (Emily ‘Sicario’ Blunt), an alcoholic who divorced her husband Tom (Justin ‘Mulholland Drive’ Theroux) after she caught him cheating on her - but whose life has fallen apart.

the bridge of sighs

Rachel takes the train to work daily (even though she had no job) and fantasises about the steamy relationship of seemingly perfect couple Scott (Luke ‘High-Rise’ Evans) and Megan (Haley ‘The Magnificent Seven’ Bennett) Hipwell, during her commute. Everything changes however when one day she witnesses something odd from the train window and finds out that Megan is missing, presumed dead.

Unfortunately for Tate Taylor’s The Girl On The Train, it walks in the shadow on the magnificent Gone Girl to which this movie owes a lot, not least the icy cold detached view of events getting ever more out of hand. Sure this is a passable dose of sadistic thriller, laced with overly dramatic cruelty and a strong vein of ‘who can you trust’ almost Hitchcock-like mystery.

be careful what you see from the train

And whilst it all looks good and is nicely shot, the performances are extremely variable – props to Blunt who gives great alcoholic malaise in the main role and Bennett who is also good but it’s the men here who derail much of the film with some spectacularly hammy acting.

The plot jumps in time quite a bit but this dynamic feels a bit forced at points as do the shoehorned false memories slapped in to try and keep those who’ve read the book interested and not just sitting waiting for the big twist reveal.

The Girl On The Train is certainly worth a punt for those who like some melodrama and it keeps the strong feminine messaging of how and from what women draw their self-worth and the intolerable abuse they can suffer.

In the end I wanted more than this delivered, I guess I wanted to like it more than I did, a bit like my experiences on Great Northern trains!?

secrets to hide?

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööö

(3 - All aboard for good but not great pot boiling thrills)...

Awesomeness ööö – Some decent moments

Laughs ö – Not much fun at all

Horror öö – Gets violent in places (but not tense enough)

Spiritual Enlightenment ööö - Grief not for yourself

Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children Review

Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children (12a)

Dir. Tim Burton

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

Read the newspaper version of this review: Northampton Chronicle

“I used to dream about escaping my ordinary life, but my life was never ordinary. I had simply failed to notice how extraordinary it was.”

When young Jacob (Asa ‘Enders Game’ Butterfield) discovers a mystery that spans different worlds and times, he comes across a magical place known as Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children. Imagine X-Men with magical kids and extra ‘kookiness’ which comes as standard with films directed by Tim ‘Beetlejuice’ Burton.

Miss Peregrine (Eva ‘Dark Shadows’ Green) runs a home for children with special powers – be that prophecy, invisibility, super strength or having an extra mouth in the back of their heads!? It makes for an exciting weird vs evil fairy tale as an army of monsters (Wights) led by the terrifying Mr. Barron (Samuel L. Jackson) try to wipe out the children – so he can claim immortality.

odd bunch

The ace in the hole here is the script by Jane ‘Kick-Ass’ Goldman who brings this odd superhero tale to vivid life – she has good form for super heroics after also writing X-Men: First Class. Miss Peregrine is an instant cinematic icon – a ‘Ymbrynes’ who can create time loops and use them to great effect – the reason she holds time at bay is both fascinating and sinister. Jacob is a likeable hero who follows in the footsteps of his grandfather who also had the ability to see and fight the Hollowgasts and Jackson makes Mr. Barron is a decent baddie too.

The Welsh locations looks superb in this gothic-em-up which mixes elements of groundhog day, ghost stories and even World War II. It’s an adventure film at heart but one that frequently makes you stop and just gape at the overcharged imagination at work – packing some serious visual highlights.

lite on her feet

Although billed as a young adult / children’s tale, the film is often pretty scary so should only be attempted those braver youngsters out there. The tentacle tongued ‘Hollowgasts’ especially are the stuff of nightmares.

The ‘aerokinetic’ Emma Bloom (Ella ‘The Legend of Tarzan’ Purnell) steals all of her scenes as well as Jacob's heart as his love interest. And the final conflict where all the peculiarities of the children are unleashed is a joy to behold, even if it feels like Burton is holding back a little which prevents this being quite a pulse pounding as it could have been.

Weird and somewhat wonderful, Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children is certainly worth a visit.


Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööö

(3 - X-fun children in a strangely compelling tale)...

Awesomeness ööö – Lots of oddity to enjoy

Laughs öö – Could have done with some more levity

Horror ööö – Scary in places and unnerving overall

Spiritual Enlightenment ööö - Freaks FTW