DARKMATTERS - The Mind of Matt

You met me at a very strange time in my life...

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Shoot 'Em Up - review

Shoot ‘Em Up (18)

Dir. Michael Davis

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Blam, blam, blam, blam, boogie, blam, blam…

There goes Matt walking into Cineworld, he seems to sense that something isn’t right, he turns and rolls to his left drawing two handguns and opening fire on the mass of onrushing Tom Wade-esq hoodlums who are firing returning fire wildly but going down screaming as Matt’s high impact rounds smash through their knees, thighs and groins… In seconds the foyer of the cinema is awash with dead and dying bad guys, Matt is up and running towards screen 11 (his favourite) where Shoot 'Em Up is playing. As he approaches the doors a busty babe (vaguely G. VMD alike) dressed in an all leather outfit bursts out of them holding a baby. Matt pushes her out of the way and blows another legion of pursuing bad guys away…
/ whoa - sorry about that, day dreaming again…

OK, basically Shoot 'Em Up is a non-stop excessive bloodbath presented in loud-and-proud Looney Tune ‘shoot-o-vision’!
It’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea – one reviewer whined “describing in the strongest possible terms how misogynistically offensive I found this 86 minutes of embarrassing hell” (link:
http://gingerkidjoe.blogspot.com/2007/09/shoot-em-up-or-shoot-me-down-please.html) but me? I’m a just sucker for gun play in movies and I enjoyed Shoot ‘Em Up more than probably most others…

Yes it’s all morally reprehensible and on no instance should anything in the film be replicated in real life, but for a maximally violent escapist waste of time, there’s little around that can touch it!!
“I'm a British nanny and I'm dangerous” smirks Mr. Smith (an on form Clive Owen who is obviously finding the whole thing an absolute blast) he’s teamed up with hooker called DQ (Donna Quintano) played by the eye wateringly gorgeous but seriously actingly challenged Monica ‘The Matrix 2&3 Bellucci. The film revolved around them trying to protect a baby from uber nasty hitman Mr. Hertz (Paul ‘Sideways’ Giamatti) who get’s to spew lines like “You wascally wabbit” when he spots Mr Smith munching a carrot and dropping Bugs Bunny dialogue.

Stand out scenes include a skydiving battle royale and the highest bodycount sex scene ever; "Talk about shooting your load," says Smith after the deed leaves a host of baddie henchmen full of lead.
There is a gleeful noirness to the wannabe John Woo action and set pieces that you’ll never forget such as when Smith hits a van full of baddies head on, goes through the windscreen, landing in their van and shoots them all at close quarters “So much for seatbelts” he says coolly.

Out of 5 you have to go with a bullet to the frontal lobe 4 (Disengage your brain for maximum enjoyment!!)...

Darkmatters ratings:
Action ööööö – memorable!
Laughs ööö
– what’s up doc?
Horror ööö – body parts akimbo
Babes öööö – Bellucci is gorgeous

Overall öööö (shoot first, ask questions about the morality and taste later)

"you lookin at me?"

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i guess I should bow to your superior film nous (nowse, nouse?) but I just can't do it this time.

I like action, I like parody and I love Paul Giamatti and Clive Owen. But the the only bit that made me (and a late night Saturday audience of ladish blokes) laugh was the umbilical chord moment.

I'm off to reassert my manliness now..... somehow..... maybe by burning something and poking it with a big stick.

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