DARKMATTERS - The Mind of Matt

You met me at a very strange time in my life...

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Film Review - SCAR 3D


Scar 3D (18)

Dir. Jed Weintrob

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

So you’re a hot perky young blonde actress with a winning charismatic smile and no small amount of good looks, what challenge would you want to take on? And more importantly, how do you follow up appearing in the preteen sanitised Hannah Montana TV nerfdom? Try starring in an orgy of 3D torture horror which comes on like a Saw / Hostel / Friday the 13th fusion… That’s exactly the career route that talented young starlet Kirby Bliss Blanton has taken, appearing as all round USA sweet teen girlfriend Olympia in Scar 3D.
Scar also stars horror veteran Angela ‘freaked me out in May’ Bettis, as Joan Burrows, an emotionally and physically scarred wreck who suffered at the hands of a psycho nutjob back in the day (his MO is that he abducts two friends and tortures each in turn until one breaks and tells him to kill their friend)… The villain back then was freaky funeral home director Bishop, but when Joan returns to the town for Olympia’s prom it seems that Bishop is back too and the teen population start to have a very bad time of it.
It’s all very standard slasher guff, even if it is filmed in the fancy new 3D (which does divert attention from how ropey the script and plot is) by giving the audience such sights as topless 3D boobies and ‘quick duck or that spray of blood will splatter all over you’ moments.

"Kirby Bliss Blanton - a hottie to watch (don't hold Scar 3D against her!)"

Is Scar the sickest, most utterly hardcore 3D horror torture on the block? Well, it is but, only because it’s the only one in 3D, otherwise it’s just another wannabe to throw on the ‘don’t bother’ pile…
Scar is certainly unpleasant – I mean who wants to see tongues being chopped out and the soles of feet razor bladed after countless ‘me too’ torture porn flicks have recently gone there? Scar doesn’t do anything much worse or even vaguely ingenious in its macabre machinations, almost as if the screen writers’ only aim was to copy rather than innovate.
So belly button rings get yanked, staple guns get put where they really shouldn’t and scalpels are applied liberally, it really isn’t nice and worse still, it really isn’t very well done…
Sometimes you have to look beyond the obvious razzle dazzle – in this case nubile teens frolicking and then dying in 3D – because it’s a smokescreen to distract from the mediocre offering overall.
"What do you mean I'm not a scary bad guy!?"
DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööö (4)
- Low brow thinking
Tasty Action: öööööö (6)
+ Depends what you're definition of 'tasty' is...
Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
+ Kirby Bliss Blanton is seriously cute
Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)
+ Stupidity of plot and weakness on the fear factor...
Comedic Value: öööö (4)
- Slow and unfunny, torture just isn't fun
Arbitrary final rating: ööööö (5)
For serious gore hounds and novelty horror seekers only…

Liable to make you:
"make a short list of which friends you'd be prepared to get tortured to save"
DM Poster Quote:
“If you're film sucks ass, just add 3D and hope for the best!"

No comments:

Tweet this...