Darkmatters Review: Project X

Project X (18)

Dir. Nima Nourizadeh

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Been to any good parties recently?

Either way here’s one to which you’re invited and it is the biggest, wildest High School party you’re ever likely to witness.

There are two main ways to view Project X and depending on which camp you find yourself in you will probably view this film either as an epic comedy good time overload or a terrifying horror story of that just could happen!? If you’re young, carefree and /or don’t have teenage kids, you may well fall into the first viewpoint, if you’re a parent and / or have any sense of morality Project X might just make you cry.

"Their parents would be so proud!?"

Director Nima Nourizadeh's film tells the well-worn tale of a group of teen lads trying desperately to fit in and become popular at High School… It’s young Thomas's (Thomas Mann) 17th Birthday and his parents will be leaving him alone at home for the weekend.

What’s a teenage lad to do but invite over his pals for a bit of a party? But Thomas’s BFFs – the wannabe smooth Costa (Oliver Cooper) and hopeless chubby loser J.B. (Jonathan Daniel Brown) have plans to crank up his B’day party into a ‘game changer’ that will elevate them from their nobody status and put them on the social map.

Of course none of them could foresee the night of debauched anarchy that would follow… As the tag line for the movie says ‘One night will make them legends’ – so get ready for high jinks on a grand scale. The small party soon rockets out of control as more than a thousand people turn up to party hard, turning the suburban residence into a massive rave. Throw into the mix a garden gnome filled with ecstasy tablets, an angry midget who likes to punch guys in the balls, an effective ‘all girls must be naked’ sign by the pool and an angry flame-thrower packing drug dealer and stand well back from the drug and alcohol fuelled insanity.

"Party-on Hollywood  style"

As his parents’ home is systematically wrecked Thomas can only look on from his drunken state of disbelief – we however have a ringside view thanks to the fact that Tom’s pals have decided to film the whole evening. And when the whole event escalates into a riot / confrontation with armed police he realises that nothing will ever be the same again…

Parents – after seeing this, you may never leave your teenage kids home alone!?

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööö1/2

3.5 – The party you never got invited to (until now)

Awesomeness öööö – might never be topped

Laughs ööö – laugh out loud

Horror öö – home insurance premiums will never be the same

Babes öööö  – lots!

Spiritual Enlightenment -öö – at what cost to the soul?

"Maxim met The girls of Project X including Kirby Bliss Blanton"

Film Review - SCAR 3D

Scar 3D (18)

Dir. Jed Weintrob

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

So you’re a hot perky young blonde actress with a winning charismatic smile and no small amount of good looks, what challenge would you want to take on? And more importantly, how do you follow up appearing in the preteen sanitised Hannah Montana TV nerfdom? Try starring in an orgy of 3D torture horror which comes on like a Saw / Hostel / Friday the 13th fusion… That’s exactly the career route that talented young starlet Kirby Bliss Blanton has taken, appearing as all round USA sweet teen girlfriend Olympia in Scar 3D.
Scar also stars horror veteran Angela ‘freaked me out in May’ Bettis, as Joan Burrows, an emotionally and physically scarred wreck who suffered at the hands of a psycho nutjob back in the day (his MO is that he abducts two friends and tortures each in turn until one breaks and tells him to kill their friend)… The villain back then was freaky funeral home director Bishop, but when Joan returns to the town for Olympia’s prom it seems that Bishop is back too and the teen population start to have a very bad time of it.
It’s all very standard slasher guff, even if it is filmed in the fancy new 3D (which does divert attention from how ropey the script and plot is) by giving the audience such sights as topless 3D boobies and ‘quick duck or that spray of blood will splatter all over you’ moments.

"Kirby Bliss Blanton - a hottie to watch (don't hold Scar 3D against her!)"

Is Scar the sickest, most utterly hardcore 3D horror torture on the block? Well, it is but, only because it’s the only one in 3D, otherwise it’s just another wannabe to throw on the ‘don’t bother’ pile…

Scar is certainly unpleasant – I mean who wants to see tongues being chopped out and the soles of feet razor bladed after countless ‘me too’ torture porn flicks have recently gone there? Scar doesn’t do anything much worse or even vaguely ingenious in its macabre machinations, almost as if the screen writers’ only aim was to copy rather than innovate.
So belly button rings get yanked, staple guns get put where they really shouldn’t and scalpels are applied liberally, it really isn’t nice and worse still, it really isn’t very well done…
Sometimes you have to look beyond the obvious razzle dazzle – in this case nubile teens frolicking and then dying in 3D – because it’s a smokescreen to distract from the mediocre offering overall.

"What do you mean I'm not a scary bad guy!?"

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööö (4)
- Low brow thinking

Tasty Action: öööööö (6)
+ Depends what you're definition of 'tasty' is...

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
+ Kirby Bliss Blanton is seriously cute

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)
+ Stupidity of plot and weakness on the fear factor...

Comedic Value: öööö (4)
- Slow and unfunny, torture just isn't fun

Arbitrary final rating: ööööö (5)
For serious gore hounds and novelty horror seekers only…

Liable to make you:
"make a short list of which friends you'd be prepared to get tortured to save"

DM Poster Quote:
“If you're film sucks ass, just add 3D and hope for the best!"