DARKMATTERS - The Mind of Matt

You met me at a very strange time in my life...

Sunday, February 03, 2013

Movie 43 Guest Review

Movie 43 (15)

Dir. various - all of whom should have known better!

Reviewed by Tom 'CultureSlap' Wade

A film so bad that it may be the evidence you’ve been looking for to prove the existence of Satan.

“What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen?” is a question that people like to ask you once they’ve realised that you enjoy watching films. In the past I’ve had to chuckle sadly before scratching my chin dramatically before rambling about how the worst film I’ve seen is more to do with the film that has let me down in terms of my expectations blah blah blah. No need to do that anymore. Movie 43 is the worst film I’ve ever seen. 

"No - not even Leprechauns can save this movie"

Apparently Movie 43 is a film for the generation that has grown up on Youtube and Funny or Die. The generation that likes our jokes nice and quick or laughing at inappropriate moments where people are humiliated.

Ask yourself this: 'Are you a human so depraved that you’d log onto your neighbours non-protected Wi-Fi?'  Well I’ve got some sad news; even you won’t enjoy Movie 43. Movie 43 is a sad, shallow, celebrity stacked shock ‘comedy’ that is so bereft of any form of talent, skill or filmmaking ability that even Jesus would possibly struggle to forgive it. 

"Chloe Moretz is tipped off by her agent that she's in this film"

Yes it doesn’t attempt to disguise the fact that it’s lowbrow humour, but that doesn’t mean it should get away with its crimes. The most perplexing thing about Movie 43 therefore is just how on earth they managed to get an A-list cast topped by Academy Award-winners Halle Berry and Kate Winslet, as well as Oscar-nominees Uma Thurman, Naomi Watts, Hugh Jackman and Terrence Howard involved. (For an idea on how this happened, check out this Guardian article). Hugh looks for the antidote to the poison he was forced to take in order to appear in this mess.

To suggest that Movie 43 is funny is a bit like approaching Stephen Hawkins with a thesis on your idea that the world is flat. A collection of ever degrading comedy sketches directed by ‘talents’ such as Peter Farrelly (There’s Something about Mary) and Brett Ratner (the man who ruined X-Men and kept Chris Tucker employed for far too long), the film is essentially a series of skits presented via a couple of teenagers who have fooled another kid into believing that there is an ultra-forbidden movie somewhere on the internet called Movie 43.

In trying to track it down,he uncovers a series of other scenes. Why we need a linking mechanism isn’t really explained, perhaps it was to use up more time and pretend there is a story. The best of the bunch (which is a bit like asking which bout of constipation has been your favourite in the past year) is the first vignette, “The Catch,” which revolves around Kate Winslet’ blind date from Hell with Hugh Jackman (Huge Action as he is really called). Jackman is a successful, eligible bachelor with a distracting problem, a hairy scrotum hanging from his neck in place of an Adam’s apple. It’s a sight gag at best and there isn’t much more to say about that. If dangling testicles isn’t enough to get your funny bone tickling, the next section “Homeschooled” might be more your thing with some ‘hilarious’ moments revolving around incest and pedophilia. But what if you don’t find that funny? Pffft, is what the filmmakers are saying back to you – just chill out and stop being like so stuck up! 

"there's nothing 'super' on offer here"

Halle Berry apparently signed some sort of contract for her breasts to co-star in “Truth or Dare,” but for her dignity to stay at home, while Terrence Howard stars in a basketball section about making his team realise that they are all black. I can only imagine that Tarantino has seen this film multiple times for this section alone. I could go through the other shorts on offer but that’d really be wasting everyone’s time. All I can do is implore you, when we’ve got films such as Lincoln, Zero Dark Thirty, Django Unchained, What Richard Did and Flight out at the cinema – don’t go see this.

Don’t encourage the people involved. Youtube is made so that films like these can be buried or disappear after an hour in the limelight, don’t give Movie 43 your hard earned time and attention.

Darkmatters & CultureSlap Rating: 0/5

"this is what the marketing people of Movie 43 have stooped to"


Nathin Davis said...

your a guy who doesn't know how to enjoy movie, its a great movie, its meant to be stupid which is what makes it a must see. Its definitely worth a watch but not if your boring and not humerous like this guy because your all outdated by the reality, the new generation.

Anonymous said...

If you don't find it funny, then you're missing the point - it's supposed to be stupid, and nonsensical, and therefore, if you're going to watch it on the basis that a comedy film is going to be a serious work of art, then I have to ask why YOU even bothered watching it? P.S: Also, you wasted your own time writing all about how bad this film is, so I think that actually, you're probably just the type of person who likes to have something to hate. On that note, you've also wasted my time, as I've had to set a couple of things straight for anyone else reading this page.
My advice to them, if you like stupid, crazy comedy films, then watch this, as I did (also, check out 'The Onion Movie' if you haven't already).

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