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Sunday, February 03, 2013

Bullet To The Head - Live Tweet Review

Bullet To The Head (15)

Also available over at the awesome CultureSlap here's our live tweet review of Stallone’s latest...

Reviewed by Matt Adcock & Tom Wade

  1. Ok so #B2TH is the hastag if you want to come on this Bullet to the Head live tweet, with the live tweet action hero that is @TomCultureSlap
  2. This cinema is equipped with live tweeting 4 those with sight / hearing problems or those who just can’t be bothered 2 go out tonight #B2TH
  3. Kevin Bacon advert you make me sad. Please stop Kevin Bacon. #B2TH
  4. 30 seconds. Stallone has first kill. Dodgy VoiceOver started ‘this is the way my story went down’ #B2TH
  5. #B2TH flip titles only just rolling and already there’s a bullet flying out of the screen – it pseudo 3D…
  6. Stallone has no problems with cats. First joke about Stallone being old made #B2TH
  7. Man dancing in pants. Obligatory women in shower shot. Stallone in suit, Christian Slater is in the film! #B2TH
  8. ‘Keep your pants on!’ Says the man wearing only pants. Heh #B2TH
  9. Sleazy drug n boozed up baddie looks a bit like@TomCultureSlap #B2TH – oops he just told Stallone to F himself… Now he’s dead!?
  10. Second ‘bullet to the head’ already. Stallone is on fire! #B2TH
  11. Stallone shouldn’t shave off the goatee. It means you can see more of his plastic face#B2TH
  12. Nice guy Stallone doesn’t shoot innocent naked hooker witnesses – what a gent! #B2TH
  13. You can’t get the partners these days. Stallone leaves his partner alone for two minutes to pee and he goes and gets himself killed. #B2TH
  14. Toilet cubical fistfights FTW, looks like Stallone needs a new partner… #B2TH
  15. Now Stallone’s face shows either anger or constipation due to not finishing on the toilet. I can’t be certain. #B2TH
  16. This hooker appears to have a magical panther tattoo that makes everyone suffer from shifty eyes when they look at it #B2TH
  17. Seriously graphic autopsy – a la Grey’s Anatomy#B2TH Stallone’s growls form idiot’s guide voice over explanation for those not keeping up!
  18. Stallone brings his own drink to a bar and rents a glass. Badass #B2TH
  19. Stallone now fighting via a car. Requires less movement. Clever. #B2TH
  20. Ok first proper shootout ends with Stallone running over baddie and dropping clunky dialogue ‘do it my way or we don’t do it at all’ #B2TH
  21. Quick trip to a tattoo parlour/surgery/bra free zone. Dialogue still bringing the most unintentional laughs #B2TH
  22. Stallone’s tattoo parlor female pal has chest sparrow tats just like @lauralrobinson #B2TH
  23. @laurahaddow looks that way – @tomcultureslapis absolutely loving #B2TH by the look on his face!?
  24. ‘So far what you got?’ ‘Well I’ve got you…’ Stallone unintentionally flirting furiously with his new partner #B2TH
  25. Stallone enters sauna, partner: ‘you’ve got 10 minutes and then I’m coming in’ meow!#B2TH
  26. #B2TH “lets go take a bath” Stallone likes to get close to his partners… Arguing over weapons now – mobile phone vs apple core…
  27. ‘Guns don’t kill people, bullets do’ Stallone takes a detour into the philosophical #B2TH
  28. Stallone is now in his pants and fighting. His body resembles The Thing from fantastic 4. Another bullet to the head #B2TH
  29. Pattern so far: car banter, Stallone walks in slow motion, fight with quick shaky cam, bullet to head, move on and repeat. #B2TH
  30. @Cleric20 @TomCultureSlap Following your live tweets for #B2TH. It’s almost like being there…but I’m at home sipping hot chocolate.
  31. Stallone wearing a party mask. Most expression he’s shown all film. #B2TH
  32. #B2TH Memorable lines like “Bang. Down. Owned…” Heroes now masked up for swanky party – dress code is suits for guys, topless for girls
  33. ‘Whip it and zip it party boy’ says Stallone. Second toilet beat down already #B2TH
  34. #B2TH Christian Slater being interrogated / out act Stallone… “There’s nothing you can do to me that I haven’t done to myself for fun!”
  35. Nice. Lots if story exposition disguised as interrogation scene. Stallone hasn’t shot anyone for 10 mins. Disappointing #B2TH
  36. Stallone is wearing the most remarkable top. A deep V, tight at the top and yet loose and baggy at the bottom. Remarkable #B2TH
  37. @TomCultureSlap you remember when Walter Hill made decent films? Been a while now?#B2TH
  38. Ah the old buddy partner bonding – cant last though as cop vows to take Stallone down… We’ll see #B2TH
  39. ‘I’ll be waiting Confucius’ says Stallone, no doubt mourning the loss of a good philosophical debate in the world of hit men #B2TH
  40. ‘I’m going to give them what they want, get her back, and then they die’ says Stallone helpfully explaining what’s going to happen #B2TH
  41. Another bullet to the head – must be in double figured now… #B2TH daughter / flashdrive trade arranged – going to end in tears / bullets
  42. Do abandoned industrial warehouses only exist to house kidnap victims and stage firefights? America is dangerous #B2TH
  43. Stallone’s one liners are getting worse “cavebear” he quips to bearded goon… #B2TH
  44. “I’ll teach you never to trust a man who doesn’t care about money…” By shooting you… No honour among baddies #B2TH
  45. This action scene has revolved around Stallone slowly making his way down lots of stairs looking out of breath #B2TH
  46. ‘Looks like it’s down to you and me’ ‘what are we Vikings?’ ‘Pick it up!’ Grunt grunt ‘I’m impressed’ ‘ouch, you ok?’ #B2TH
  47. Time for climactic one on one axe fight #B2THnicely choreographed – not hard to guess who wins…
  48. Everyone bad appears to be dead. If that was the sum total of an action film, I believe ‘flaccid’ would be the term to use #B2TH
  49. When Stallone walks I can’t tell if the film has gone into slow motion or not. That time it turns out it was slow motion #B2TH
  50. Wow. The last shot and line revolved around a product placement. Stay classy Stallone!#B2TH
  51. Ends with a car advert for Ferrari – “why not? Nobody lives forever!” #B2TH
  52. So it’s over. Thankfully it was short. Awful dialogue, slow action, Stallone sleepwalking, and little action to get excited about. #B2TH
  53. Right that’s us done, sorry for clogging up your twitter! #B2TH
  54. #B2TH @TomCultureSlap asks “you sure Stallone hasn’t had a stroke that I didn’t hear about?”#actingmasterclass
  55. #B2TH all done – wouldn’t normally tweet a film but Stallone movies are an exception
    "Sarah Shahi shows what she thought of being in Bullet to the Head"

"this poor girl has 'just seen Bullet to the Head' eyes... can you help?"

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