It's coming...

Darkmatters: H O M E

Matt gets KILLERS tickets... Wife very pleased

"you want the goat or the model? we cater for all tastes"

Oh yes... Even though I was still in a state of shock from having seen Robbie Williams and Basement Jaxx live last night (good stuff - highlights included 'where's your head at' and 'sin sin sin'), and trying to come to terms with the joy of Spurs winning in Europe (however short lived that might prove to be - cos I think we'll either struggle in the group stages or win the UEFA Cup this year!?). I still should have realised that today was the day that The Killers London dates tickets went on sale but it was like 10.30am before a work colleague tipped me off.
Cue panic, frantic phoning / searching of ticket agencies and websites and after many a 'sorry mate they sold out an hour ago' responses I finally found a pair of sexy Brixton Academy tickets for their opening London night for a non too bankruptcy inducing sum...

Now roll on the 26Nov!!

CAN'T WAIT...

Click here: Doesn't Look A Thing Like Jesus to read my thoughts on new Killers single 'When We Were Young'

Darkmatters: H O M E

Matt loves Me and You and Everyone We Know (2005)

"like taking a double barrel shotgun load of kookiness to the face, but in a good way..."

Me and You and Everyone We Know (15)
Dir. Miranda July

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Great little film this, an unexpected joy, one of those that sucks you in and makes you care about the characters (an endearing bunch of average Joes, oddballs, losers and confused kids). You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll feel very uncomfortable when the middle age guy tells the two young teen girls outside his apartment:

"I would love to believe in a universe where you wake up and don't have to to go to work and you step outside and meet two beautiful 18-year-old sisters who are also girlfriends and are also very nice people..."

All human life is here and I recommend you join them for an alternative experience.
Don't watch if you're adverse to kookiness though!?

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö – Slow but painfully tense in places
Laughs ööö – Weird and wonderful, probably have to be in the right mood
Horror öö – Self torching and some grim description of 'back and forth' fun!?
Babes ööö – Yes but their too young!!

Overall öööö (emotional)

Another cool review of the film here: Me and You and Everyone We Know

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: BEERFEST

"standing ovation for the Swedish team?"

Beerfest (15)
Dir. Jay Chandrasekhar

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

There is a secret underground contest where highly skilled teams compete at the highest level for glory, honour and national pride. I have learned that the contest is held each year in Germany and is referred to simply as ‘Beerfest’. Thanks to some intensive undercover drinking activities I have been granted access to this clandestine world where danger and buxom wenches go hand in hand and life is cheap, but not as cheap as the drinks.

I’m prepared to now risk everything by going public about this ‘Beerfest’, please pay heed to what I say as many Bothan spies died to bring you this information (they just can’t hold their drinks apparently)…

I got to celebrate notching up 300 film reviews for this esteemed title by spending almost two hours witnessing some of the least inspired gross-out humour ever to slop over the screen. Better men than I would have shirked the task but I just downed a beer, stocked up on popcorn and faced the challenge.

Beerfest opens with a severe warning / disclaimer that ‘if you drink the amount of beer the characters do in this film… you will die’. It’s a sobering thought but it’s also bang on the money. Beerfest depicts drinking on a scale that would cripple the NHS if emulated and what’s more its lame central message is that ‘drinking beer is funny’. Make of that what you will.

Written by Broken Lizard, the US comedy troop who have yet to deliver a really funny film and directed by Jay ‘Dukes of Hazard’ Chandrasekhar, you’ll hopefully know from the title what’s on offer here.

The inebriated plot features American brothers Todd and Jan Wolfhouse (Erik Stolhanske and Paul Soter) who inadvertently stumble upon a titular German underground beer drinking contest. In true US style they immediately try to show the rest of the world how things are done but are unprepared for the sheer drinking ability of their hosts and go home badly humiliated. For once however, instead of invading the offending country, the chastened yanks get beer drinking training in order to return the following year and prove that Americans can chug on a world wide stage.

Unfortunately for beer lovers everywhere, Beerfest is so sloppy that after what seems like hours of mildly amusing sleazy “jokes” and dim drinking games, any hope of enjoyment wears off like a short lived beer buzz and a cinematic hangover quickly sets in.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öö – Limited to drinking (but what did you expect?)
Laughs öö – Lacking big time, few and far between
Horror öö – Some horrific scenes of Germans
Babes ööö – Babes ahoy kits off...

Overall öö (not great even if viewed through beer goggles)

Darkmatters: H O M E

He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus...

"The Killers are back!!"

...And sometimes you close your eyes and see the place where you used to live

When you were young

They say the devil's water it ain’t so sweet
You don’t have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while...

...You play for goodness
Watch it, now here he comes

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman

Like you imagined
When you were young...

When You Were Young - The Killers (possible single of the year)

Listen to it and check out their funky site here:
http://www.islandrecords.com/thekillers/

I love it...Can't wait for the new album Sam's Town
(even though I'm enjoying Empire by Kasabian in the mean time)...

Film Review: The Wicker Man

"something 'Wicker' this ways comes..."

The Wicker Man (12a)
Dir. Neil LaBute

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

‘Some Sacrifices Must Be Made’ reads the tag line for this remake of the much revered British 1973 pyromaniac pagans on the loose chiller… What it failed to mention is that those sacrifices will be:
1. your sense of enjoyment,
2. your respect for the usually talented director Neil LaBute
and 3. by about half way through – your will to live…
Yes The Wicker Man 2006 is a tedious waste of time that should only be viewed by those diagnosed with a rare medical condition requiring them to see repeated shots of Nicholas Cage doing his ‘worried horse’ face in order to survive.
At one point Cage ponders loudly "Every time I turn my head, something doesn't make sense!" and if you go see this you’ll be tempted to shout out “yes – why did you waste your effort on this steaming floater of a movie?” It really is that bad, The Wicker Man is easily the worst Nicolas Cage movie I’ve ever seen.
The BBC called the film ‘laughably bad’, at least they seemed to be able to laugh at it but the crack team of mates that I took to view this (really sorry Tom, Matt and Steve) gave it unanimous thumbs down. Their comments included ‘weird’, ‘rubbish’ and ‘was that supposed to be scary?’ and I concur – don’t waste your money on this pointless unscary dross.
If pagan nuttiness is what you’re after then you might be interested in the fact that the director of the original Wicker Man is working on a ‘reimagining’ of the story under the curious working title ‘Cowboys for Christ’. The mind boggles…
But anyway, something is seriously amiss on the isle of Summersisle - just off the coast of the U.S. where a young girl has gone missing. Sensitive cop Edward Malus (Cage) is invited by the girl’s mother ‘Willow’ (the beautiful Kate Beahan) to investigate but he soon finds himself caught up in the island's mysterious pagan community, and suspicious of its leader Sister Summersisle (Ellen Burstyn).
Even those who haven’t seen the original (out this week on DVD as a 3 disc special edition coincidently) will sense that it’s going to end in tears. I was actually a little bit gutted that the new version sticks so religiously to the plot because for once I’d have been delighted to see a gung ho Hollywood gunfest ending… Alas it all goes up in flames, don’t say I didn’t warn you…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öö – 'Get off the bike'
Laughs öö – Unintentional mirth ahoy
Horror öö – Just not nasty enough!!
Babes ööö – Kate Beahan has lips to die for

Overall ö1/2 (the worst film I've seen for some time!!)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Matt Looks Through A Scanner Darkly

A Scanner Darkly (15)
Dir. Richard Linklater

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“Everything is not going to be OK”

I refer you to my utterance, again, be of no doubt that there is an uttermost haze over the component cabinet before which I stand. I stand and ponder the components as they in turn ponder me (or at least a facet of ‘me’ which may or may not be the Matt Adcock that the inner ‘me’ relates to)… As my ransacked brain scans the assorted items and picks a can of Coca Cola ‘Blak’ (new coffee flavour coke I got addicted to in France last week) – I can feel a foreboding sense that things might not be making any… sense that is… And so it is that I have experienced a work of high art based on the 1977 novel by everybody’s future shaper Philip K. Dick, whose works have become movies like Blade Runner, Total Recall, and Minority Report. Now if you like Dick as much as I do (no, not like that), then you’ll be delighted by A Scanner Darkly because it is for my money the most faithful Dickness to hit the big screen.
And it’s rotoscoped! This means that every frame of film was shot with digital cameras and then a crew of insane seven year old animators were allowed to hand-paint all over every one – the effect is disorientating, the effect is somewhat disorientating, but it is also disorientating… I might have said that already.
Is it any good?
Utterly good, utterly dark and utterly spaceballed. If you’re looking for an utterly unique cinematic experience of the near future in which stoner dudes freak each other out and paranoia munches the coating from the screen: Choose Scanner.
If you need a coherent plot, can’t take trippy visuals and / or film reviews written whilst the writer was smacked out of his head on Substance D (or Coca Cola ‘Blak’) annoy you, you might want to quietly leave now, find a comfortable spot, curl up into a foetal ball and hum James Blunt songs gently to yourself.
Substance D, which it seems an alarming percentage of the population is already taking on a regular basis, is the number one problem for the government. Every possible user has been put under constant surveillance – yes that means you too.
I’d advise you to investigate yourself as soon as possible and turn yourself in if you find something unsightly…
We’ve known it for a while but everything is not going to be OK – A Scanner Darkly isn’t OK, it’s genius, but it’s not for everyone.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):
Action ööö – slowburn dude
Laughs öööö – I laughed a lot, that doesn't necessarily mean it was funny
Horror ööö – skin might crawl
Babes ööö – I'd like to rotoscope Winona Ryder

Overall öööö (some will love this, others won't - I loved it but the voices in my head didn't)

"rotoscope me one more time"

"OK"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Matt's Top 20 Films Ever: YMDB

YMDB... a simple concept but one that is irresistable to film fans.

Can you list your top 20 films ever?

You can check mine here:

http://www.ymdb.com/cleric20/l39239_ukuk.html

And then leave a comment telling me how wrong you think I am...

Love it!!

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Millions (2004)

Millions
Dir. Danny Boyle

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

It’s ‘grim up north’ for two young brothers who have lost their mother - Damian (Alex Etel) a young philanthropist who is often visited by various saints and his older brother Anthony (Lewis McGibbon) who is more worldly wise…
That is until one day when ‘God’ sends them a Nike bag overflowing stuffed with almost £300,000 in cash… The only drawback being that the cash is in British pounds and there are only a few days left that it will be legal tender as the Bank of England is about to condemn us Brits to the European ‘Euro’. This is a case of use it or lose it…

Has the bag of cash from above really been sent as a gift from heaven to help the poor? How many mates can you buy at school when you’re absolutely loaded? What are a couple of young lads to do with more money than they can carry? And perhaps most pertinently… just who is that very dodgy looking dangerous character that seems to know that there is a bag of money around?

Millions could be seen as a children’s version of Boyle's first film ‘Shallow Grave’, which also looked at human behaviour in the face of mucho ill gotten cash. Millions certainly doesn’t have the gut wrenching violence of Shallow Grave but it retains the elements of fun, greed, danger and bewilderment and is just as watchable.

You just know trouble is on the way when the boys make a hefty £1000 donation to a school charity. Their generosity brings all sorts of unwanted attention and their dad (James Nesbitt) gets handily romantically linked to charity worker (Daisy ‘Spaced’ Donovan). The adults here are really bit players though as it is the two brothers who make this film work so well...

Sweet enough without being saccharine, Millions is an enjoyable fable that I’d strongly recommend.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öö – some chasing about - madcap
Laughs öööö – wry, well observed humour...
Horror ö – tense moments but nothing horrific
Babes ö – not much eye candy

Overall ööö1/2 (perfect film to chill to for grown up kids everywhere)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Matt is probably on the beach...

Cowboy (who looks like Edward Norton): "hey sexy Evan Rachel Wood - have you seen Matt about anywhere on this beach? He hasn't updated his blog for like a week or something..."

Sexy Evan Rachel Wood: "nope, not seen him - I heard he'd gone to France with his family so he's probably not going to have chance to blog till the 30th August now... didn't even ask me to go neither..."

Film Review: Harsh Times

Harsh Times (15) 

Dir. David Ayer 

Reviewed by Matt Adcock 

"I'm a soldier of the apocalypse, man - a stone-cold killer… A psyched out, mentally unstable nightmare on your doorstep and you want to know the best part? I’m going to be a cop real soon… Let’s be careful out there yeah?"

Times certainly are ‘harsh’ in this powerful directorial debut from ‘Training Day’ screenwriter David Ayer. Christian Bale excels as Jim, your average disturbed ex-US Ranger / heavy-duty American psycho, burning up the screen and damaging all who come into contact with him. That’s not to say that he isn’t trying to be a nice guy most of the time, just that he’s only ever a hair-trigger away from unleashing a world of violent pain on anyone who crosses him. 

Harsh Times really is a kind of Taxi Driver companion piece and it’s every bit as good as Martin Scorsese’s ’76 tour de force. This time we have an alienated Iraq War veteran trying to get his life together back on civvy street but the phrase ‘own worst enemy

has never been so apt. Spending his days hanging out with his best pal Mike (Freddy Rodríguez) the two of them are trouble magnets despite their good intentions of finding jobs and settling down with their women (the gorgeous pair of Eva ‘Desperate Housewives’ Longoria and Tammy Trull). The film is incredibly watchable and the script sparkles with genius lines like when Jim surveys the other candidates around the Homeland Security training centre and deadpan quips “I see dumb people.” 

Harsh Times deals in self-destructive black comedy of the highest order. The characters are ones which you will want to see survive, that you’d like to see make it to the dream happy-ever-after of meaningful employment and family life. But, however much fun the dodgy duo of pals get into – there is a creeping sense of unassailable, inevitable doom stalking the plotline and you just know that it will end in tears. Tears and heavy-duty gunplay quite possibly involving some scumbag Mexican gangbangers. 

I can’t state enough just how astonishing Bale’s performance is here, he’s scarily convincing as a pure rage-fuelled powderkeg of anger. It’s all beautifully shot too with grainy handheld camerawork mixed with sweeping vistas which puts you right there on the mean streets of LA and Mexico. 

If you’ve a hankering for an intense cinematic experience that will take you on a ride to the edge, Harsh Times will blow you away. 

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5): 

Action öööö – gunfights and beatings look very good here 

Laughs ööö – some great moments 

Horror ööö – brutal but not horrific 

Babes öööö – Eva Longoria and Tammy Trull look bring the girl power

Overall öööö (very impressive debut!!)

Film Review: Severance

 

Severance (15) 

Dir. Christopher Smith 

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@cleric20)

Welcome to the latest team-building exercise for the European sales division of Palisade Defence (the multi-national weapons company that really cares about its staff). On this excursion, you will get to experience the thrill of bonding with your co-workers in ways I’m pretty sure you’ll have never dreamt of. 

As well as the usual paintball, brainstorming, and socialising – there will be some fun additional activities that include: Running for your lives from a psychopathic bunch of war-crazed killers intent on murdering every last one of you, and avoiding the numerous booby traps such as antipersonnel landmines (Palisade’s finest of course) and some very nasty bear traps… 

Of course if Palisade had just gone to the Institute of Leadership & Management (ILM) for their management training requirements none of this would have been necessary… Anyway, Severance is pretty much the ultimate slasher/action/comedy film. Think ‘Shaun of the Dead’ but swap the zombies for evil gun and machete toting nutjobs and you’ll be in the right zone. And Severance really delivers in all areas; I was literally blown away by Christopher ‘Creep’ Smith’s insanely enjoyable film. Danny ‘The Football Factory’ Dyer as wide-boy stoner Steve leads the impressive ensemble cast on this amusingly doomed expedition. 

An ill-fated journey that takes in levels of violence that wouldn’t have been out of place in Eli Roth’s ‘Hostel’, so be warned, Severance is certainly not for the squeamish. Having said that however the makers manage to do something very difficult –have you laughing out loud one moment and genuinely scared the next. Add into the mix some very smart and politically astute dialogue, characters that you get to care about (before they die), and some crunching fight scenes and you’re in for a very good evening. 

Also, watch out for the ‘rocket launcher scene’ which is so audacious that it instantly became my new ‘all-time favourite scene ever’!! I’ll no doubt have to do some sort of penance for wholeheartedly endorsing such a twisted and gleefully nasty tale but I’m afraid that films like this just don’t come along very often… 

Makers of scary movies the world over should take note – this is how you make a decent horror/comedy film. Severance is, without doubt, the most dysfunctional, delightful and potentially brain-damaging cinematic experience of 2006 – altogether a superior quality British film you simply must not miss...!! 

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öööö – slapstick, gunfights, set-piece heaven

Laughs öööö – superb dark wit at work here

Horror ööööö – downright nasty in places and scary too

Overall ööööö (perfect Brit horror comedy? ...pretty darned close!)

Link to previous post on Severance: http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2006/08/brit-horror-comedy-severancelooks.html 

"you know smoking kills but then so do masked psychopaths..."

Make someone happy (me) - check out my novel - click this banner...

Be afraid - The Straw Men are here…

"slick, intense, and harrowing... like good thrillers should be..."

The Straw Men
By Michael Marshall

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Every parents nightmare… Their 14year old daughter abducted… An insane serial killer "The Upright Man", on the loose… A grisly trail that means if it’s ‘him’ that has their child, she is likely to be tortured and has at best about a week to live…
Cue hard boiled and self hating LA homicide detective hero (whose own daughter was one of the killer’s victims) and a link to a guy who is fast finding out that nothing he thought he knew about his past or his parents was based on fact.
Mix these elements and pump them through the highly creative mind of Michael Marshall – Brit author of the very cool ‘Spares, One of Us and Only Forward’ and you have an absolute grade 'A' thriller that will rip your still beating heart out and eat it in front of you... The good news for sicko killer thriller fans being that The Straw Men is only part one of a trilogy (I will be seeking out and reading part 2 The Lonely Dead ASAP)…

Sample passage page 437:
“All three had guns. All were firing them.
The youth died first. His technique was pure television: gun held out sideways, gangbanger style. Bobby had him down with one shot. I slipped behind one of the pillars and straight out the other side, getting McGregor first in the thigh, then the chest. I still only narrowly avoided taking one to the face, felt the hum as it spun past my head. I dropped to one knee and scooted behind one corner of the reception, praying that the woman hadn’t seen me. Reloaded dropping half the bullets…
McGregor was still shooting. The woman behind the desk nearly took Bobby out before I took a breath and stood up, emptying half of my gun into her.”

MM said that he saw the book as: “a reminder that we're animals, and that much of what we do and how we behave can be more easily explained by remembering that, rather than pretending that we're a bunch of angels wandering amongst the beasts."
That sounds about right to me…

The Straw Men is a cracking read and would lend itself to a film or mini series – am really looking forward to parts 2 & 3.

Buy it at Amazon: The Straw Men

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):
Action öööö – When it hits, it hits hard
Laughs ööö – Some decent black humour
Horror ööö – Gets grim but not over the top
Babes ö – Nothing to get excited about in this area

Overall öööö (buy it and never look at your neighbour the same way again)

Matt Adcock meets M Night Shyamalan

Matt Adcock Meets M Night Shyamalan

Everything looks a little off kilter after witnessing M Night Shyamalan’s latest film, Lady in the Water. Or it might just be the effect of the multiple blue spotlights that the Warner Bros PR people have set up – either way I’m excited to be able to put some questions to the writer/director/actor who shot to fame with his movie ‘The Sixth Sense’ and has been spooking audiences ever since.

Where did you get the ideas for Lady in the Water?

A. The story actually came from me telling the back story that’s in the movie to my kids as a bedtime tale. Ultimately, what I was trying to duplicate with the movie was the kind of free-spiritedness that’s there when you tell it to your kids. I think there’s a moment when I watch Wizard of Oz or Peter Pan where you sense that the author has left the rules of normal storytelling and they’re following a light that’s moving around, going places that they might not fully understand and yet children can understand.

Do you think that audiences might be coming to this film expecting to be scared rather than charmed?

A. I’ve been struggling with what to do with all that. The Sixth Sense was my first one that everyone got to see and that happened to be scary. Then I did Unbreakable about comic books and it wasn’t meant to be scary. But it became seen as a mistake that it wasn’t scary. I didn’t even know that I’d been put in that ‘He’s the scary film guy’ vein then. I definitely like suspense though – I don’t even know how to think without it.


Your role is Lady in the Water is your biggest yet – are you planning to take the lead in your next film maybe?

A. Luckily, there are world class actors that can do that. But I did one film called Playing With Anger, which was my first film in India with a really low budget, and I was the lead in that. With this one, the struggle of a writer is something that I'm obviously very, very familiar with. I’ve felt that feeling of going into a closed room and just feeling lost. So anytime anyone writes something about a writer I'm always connected to the plight of that lonely person struggling to hear something.
But role wise - Signs offered the perfect balance of what I’d love to do – a meaningful small role that can contribute to the emotion of the movie.

How did your children react to seeing their bedtime story up on the big screen?

A. That was the only time I was really, really nervous - the day I showed it to them. The last thing you want is pity from your kids, for them to look up with that expression they give people who give them presents that they don’t really like… But they loved it, they’re 10 and 6, and I’d never seen them so transported. They’ve seen it now four times.

As a fellow dad I can relate to that feeling of wanting your children to like what you’ve created. Alas the novel I’m working on is pretty adult orientated so it might be a while before they get to read it. For now though I’ll be interested to see what my boys think of Lady in the Water, it’s certainly dark and scary in places – like many of the classic children’s stories?

Lady in the Water review: http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2006/08/film-review-lady-in-water.html

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Lady in the Water

Lady in the Water (PG)
Dir. M Night Shyamalan

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Let me tell you a strange bedtime story of weird and wacky things that go ‘splash’ in the night. Come with me to the blue world, a place populated by Narfs (water nymphs), Scrunts (ferocious predatory wolf things) and the Tartutic (three simian beasts made out of trees)… No, I’m not making this up I swear – this tale springs from the fervently bonkers imagination of M Night ‘Sixth Sense’ Shyamalan who made it up for his children.
Lady in the Water is highly divisive with many people just not buying into the kooky childish mythology or feeling let down by the only moderate scares on offer here. And even those who are prepared to go along with this uncompromisingly odd brain splurge could be forgiven for joining those still feeling let down by The Village a couple of years ago in thinking that this is his worst film to date… Unfortunately I’d have to agree but even saying that I did enjoy parts of Lady in the Water, (I mean what’s not to like in a scene where the know it all film critic tries to talk his way out of a confrontation with a monster - only to get mauled to death anyway!?).
One of the main problems is that whilst the excellent Paul Giamatti battles heroically to overcome the cumbersome script and brings real feeling to his care-worn caretaker character, everybody else seems to have regressed to a state of non acting ability. Also you’ll have to make your own mind up about how Shyamalan’s role of ‘misunderstood genius writer who will change the world’ relates to his own view of himself… After meeting him this week I am just about prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt and file this as a valiant failure.
So it is that ‘Story’ the Narf (played by Bryce Dallas Howard) has little to do but look confused and get attacked by the vicious scrunts. And when one character says: “This is like a scene out of a horror movie,” you wonder if they may have been adlibbing a bit too accurately? Alas it looks like time is running out for a happy ending to the M Night Shyamalan series of films unless he finds a much stronger project to bounce back with – perhaps recapturing his magic with Unbreakable 2 or The Seventh Sense?

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):
Action öö – bit soggy
Laughs ööö – some nice flashes of genius
Horror ööö – couple of nice jumps and some kid friendly menace
Babes ööö – Bryce Dallas Howard is yummy

Overall öö1/2 (a near miss - but still worth seeing)

Matt Adcock meets M Night Shyamalan

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Stormbreaker

Stormbreaker (PG)
Dir. Geoffrey Sax

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“You know, I wouldn't mind giving you one too…”
Thus says evil baddie Darrius Sayle (Mickey ‘Sin City’ Rourke) most inappropriately to the young female BBC Newsround reporter and I can’t help laughing… Suddenly I realise that I’m the only person in the cinema laughing at this semi crude joke which has gone over the heads of the amassed kids (my two sons included) – ah well, respect to the filmmakers for putting some little adult friendly bonuses like that into this fun junior Bond-esq romp.

Director Sax makes amends for his weak White Noise last year with Stormbreaker – the big screen version of the first of Anthony Horowitz’s teen spy book series. It’s jolly good fun too with enough action to stop children losing interest and a plot so lightweight that it makes Miami Vice look like a serious essay on the human soul…

Alex Pettyfer does a decent enough job in the lead role of Alex Rider. The ensemble supporting cast go about the daftness with aplomb and Sarah ‘In America’ Bolger tries her hand being a teen romantic interest.

My eldest son Luke who is 9 has become a big fan of all things Stormbreaker (DS Game, Graphic Novel etc etc) and it’s a series that has potential to make a not unwelcome return at some point soon – providing the box office holds up I’m guessing?

Stormbreaker cracks along competently and I enjoyed it all – this is a fun action packed family movie that makes a decent change from animated rodents and soppy family comedies… Enjoy…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):
Action ööö – some decently staged set pieces
Laughs ööö – more than I expected
Horror ö – nothing much too nasty
Babes ööö – Bolger has potential for a few years time…

Overall ööö (you’re never too young to die – or enjoy fun films)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Game nerds heaven... don't look if you're adverse to hot females

"last gasp usage of non wireless controllers"


Darkmatters: H O M E

Brit horror / comedy Severance looks great!!

"Remember - there's no 'i' in 'team', there are a couple in 'kill or be killed'"

Top looking new UK horror / comedy Severance hits the screens in a couple of weeks and stars cheeky cool Brit actor Danny 'Football Factory' Dyer and a bird named Laura Harris. It's the story of mucho death in the countryside when an international arms dealer (Palisade Defence) decides to reward its six-member sales division with a weekend team-building retreat in the mountains of Eastern Europe...

The agenda for their trip changes when the group realise that they are under attack from a renegade band of war-crazed soldiers seeking twisted revenge...

Forced to defend themselves, the group of corporate execs don't know whether to laugh, cry or get medieval on their asses...

File this under 'must see'!!

Check out the official site severancethemovie.co.uk and play a sick sick game online (if you like that sort of thing!?).

Darkmatters: H O M E