Film Review: Reeker

Reeker (15)
Dir. Dave Payne

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Air pollution warning: This week, just as the bitter stench of our World Cup defeat begins to clear, along comes something even fouler to replace it… “Evil is in the air” reads the poster line for Reeker and they’re really not kidding.
The idea of a ‘bad smell’ as a horror film villain is surely a curious one, but in a genre where we’ve been subjected to such vast and eclectic mix of psychos, monsters and general unpleasant types, I wasn’t immediately convinced that it would work. Somehow though Reeker manages to do a fairly decent scare job and turns out not to be the complete stinker that the title might imply.
The plot is the old tried and tested teens break down in the middle of nowhere and are preyed upon one by one classic – straight off the shelf of ‘horror movies for idiots’. The cast are your average bunch of good looking up and coming actors – looking to get noticed by dying in spectacular ways on screen. In fact the whole feel is of a B-Movie homage just with better than average special effects and some seriously diabolic convention mangling in-jokes. This time last year I was ripping House of Wax to pieces for relying on the same recycled ideas, so why aren’t I tearing Reeker to pieces too? The fact is that this movie tries really hard to please its audience, rather than looking to just make a quick buck from suckers who like a mid summer horror thrill. The characters are developed to the point where you almost care what happens to them, an effective eerie atmosphere is achieved through small ‘blink and you’ll miss them’ moments and the special effects used to show the ‘killer stink’ on screen work well. The tension is built up nicely right from the full on start, which boasts the dubious honour of having the best roadkill scene ever committed to film… If you’re a Bambi fan you’d be well advised to keep you eyes tight shut until the openings credit roll or you might be traumatized for weeks.
It is obvious that director Dave Payne reveres classic horror films and is keen to make Reeker in their image, whilst also adding some fun new elements of his own. So if you’re in the mood for some grizzly carnage rather than swashbuckling pirates or dull code conspiracies – follow your nose and check out Reeker.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö – Nicely paced
Laughs ööö – Very dark humour at work here
Horror öööö – Inventive deaths and real tension
Babes öööö – Arielle Kebbel, in tiny briefs... ouch!

Overall ööö1/2 (grim n stinky but not in a bad way)


"beautiful scenery masks some unpleasant, and smelly, dangers..."


"Arielle Kebbel... yes she struts around in her underware in Reeker in case you were wondering..."

Darkmatters: H O M E

Spiderman 3 Trailer hits...

"some schmuck thinks this is a the real venom... watch the 'actual' Spiderman 3 trailer from the link below and decide for yourself!"

http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/spider-man_3/

Oh yes... I'm very excited...

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Over The Hedge

Over The Hedge (U)
Dir. Tim Johnson & Karey Kirkpatrick

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

There are some seriously strong animal instincts out there but the most powerful is ‘survival’… So if you’re a small furry critter that hibernates - finding and storing enough food to see you through the winter is sure to be high on your ‘things to do’ list. RJ the raccoon (Bruce Willis) has the added incentive that if he fails to collect a specific extensive shopping list of foodstuffs he will be hunted down and killed by a huge grizzly bear (voiced by Nick Nolte)… And so it is that he stumbles across a lovable bunch of misfit animals who have had their woodland habitat built over whilst they’ve been sleeping. Now separating them from what were once their foraging grounds is a massive hedge that goes off for miles in either direction. Things look dire for all concerned; can RJ rally this pack of reluctant friends to grab the food he needs from the dangerous human suburbia? Will he manage to pay his debt to the big bad bear before ending up on the menu? Or will the other side of the hedge be the end of them all at the hands of the malicious ‘Verminator’…sworn destroyer of animals, armed with some of the most evil and ingenious traps, snares and extermination gear ever dreamt up!
Dreamworks follow up Shrek and Madagascar with this madcap critter comedy that confidently sweeps weak pretenders like ‘The Wild’ away and continues their rivalry with Pixar – who’s Cars will be unleashed here next month. Over The Hedge is overall a decent entry into the ever increasing animated family film cannon. The CGI effects are crisp and clean and there is a general sense of fun and mischief that should appeal to all ages. It certainly went down with my younger son James who pronounced that it was ‘wicked cool’… I can only blame the ‘hip’ script and the casting of Avril Lavigne as a teenage daughter possum. Casting Bruce Willis in the lead however was a genius idea and he carries the movie with his charismatic energy, smooth banter and quick wit.
Also of note is the loveable speedy squirrel (voiced by Steve ‘The 40 Year-Old Virgin‘ Carell) who steals the show with his Matrix induced ‘bullet time’ sequence after being given caffeine for the first time!
A delicious montage about our insatiable human food fixation is another highlight. For family fun this week there are few places better to go than Over The Hedge…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):
Action ööö – critters go M:I at one point!
Laughs öööö – Funny
Horror ö – Very mild
Babes öö – Avril as a Possum? That's kinky...

Overall ööö1/2 (might drive you over the (h)edge)


"he's nuts alright"


"Bruce making friends with his furry alter ego"

Matt Adcock Meets Bruce Willis

Darkmatters: H O M E

Matt Adcock Meets Bruce Willis

Matt Adcock Meets Bruce Willis

He’s the one actor who has probably inspired me more than any other. In 1988 Die Hard changed action films forever and blew me away (I was 17). Even before that I had been hooked on Moonlighting and now here he is sitting a few metres in front of me. Trying to keep me cool I ask him some questions but before I can he is already making quality small talk:

“You should know that I’m rooting for England in the World Cup!” he says with a winning smile. That’s a great way to get the English media ‘on side’ and it works a treat. So Bruce Willis is in London to promote Over The Hedge – the new animated film from Dreamworks in which he voices a loveable rascal raccoon named RJ.

So what was it like providing the voice for the furry lead character?

“Well I honestly thought I was voicing a rabbit for some time… So I was bewildered when I saw RJ on screen. It’s quite tough doing voice over work – in most films I get cool props, guns and stuff plus other actors to react to. For this it was just a microphone!”

But did you enjoy it?

“It was fun to get into RJ mode. He is a devil may care character, the David Addison (from Moonlighting) of the animal kingdom. There are lots of funny things that kids will be able to relate to, but much is written specifically for the adults.”

And what do your teenage kids think of Over The Hedge?

“They actually loved it and gave it 6 thumbs up and I should tell you that my kids can be very critical of my work! But the teenagers are one of the three main groups who will dig this film – obviously along with children and their parents.”

Now, you’ve often played underdog heroes who overcome horrific odds to save the day. Were you tempted to have RJ get a gun so that he could take out the huge nasty bear that menaces him in the film?

“You bet, and not just the bear. I actually took out the whole family starting with Vern, then I set their log on fire for good measure – but I don’t think that made the final cut somehow.”

It certainly wasn’t in the version I saw. So has the film changed the way you look at animals?

“You know, I think that we humans have forgotten that we’re basically animals too – just we’re top of the food chain. But if you went to Africa and tried to take on a lion out in the open – he’d take you out, he’d look at you and think ‘food’.”

Animal or not, Bruce Willis is certainly pretty near the top of the Hollywood food chain at the moment. Over The Hedge certainly won’t do any harm to his reputation either, even if I must confess that I’m already hotly anticipating his return to action in the much talked about Die Hard 4!

Earlier Post about Bruce Willis

Darkmatters: H O M E

Oh man... going to finally meet Keira Knightley!!

"er, why hello Keira, can I just say how 'hot' you are?"

Thought it couldn't get any better when the Bruce Willis press meeting invite came through... Indeed Richard from FILMSTALKER even asked "where do you go from here?"

But at the start of this year a enquired: "If you could meet / interview any two film stars this year who would you choose?"

I replied: "Bruce Willis - top choice for male actor (he's just the coolest)
and Keira Knightley for female actress (because she's so gorgeous and seems to be a top bird all round)"

Later today I'm meeting Bruce in London as he goes 'Over The Hedge' and thanks to the wonderful people over at BUENA VISTA INTERNATIONAL in two weeks will be meeting Keira as she buckles her swash for Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest... Oh and some guy named Johnny Depp will be there too.


"Keira bends over backwards to make a good impression"


"Miss Knightley wondering what to wear to the Press Conference?"

Keira is FHM's Sexiest Woman 2006

Darkmatters: H O ME

Family Guy Season 4... rocks!!

"damn you all... one day the world will be MINE!"

Family Guy Season 4 (15)

Disc One reviewed by Matt Adcock

I've been 'pleasure delaying' watching this... knowing it might be the last new Family Guy stuff I'll ever get but itching to watch the whole series through in one sitting cos I love it so much...

The first 4 episodes of Season 4 are excellent - packing more punch than the ever so slightly disappointing 'movie' from last year

Here are my thoughts on the first disc worth of fun:

North by North Quahog: or the one where Peter fights Mel Gibson, Christ returns in 'The Passion of the Christ 2" and it opens with a wonderful sucker punch to other cancelled shows!
DM rating (out of 5) öööö

Fast Times at Buddy Cianci Jr. High: the one where it offends my wife with over the top crude jokes, but really you just have to laugh (that's the point)...
DM rating (out of 5) ööö

Blind Ambition: the one that has an awesome take off of the ending of Star Wars: A New Hope and the best man vs chicken fight ever screened...
DM rating (out of 5) öööö

Don't Make Me Over: pick of the bunch of the first 4... super cool make over the ugly daughter, classic lines from evil baby stewie - it's Family Guy heaven!!
DM rating (out of 5) ööööö

Family Guy Game Soon

Darkmatters: H O ME

Film Review: Avalon (2001)

...I am the ghost... or a 'Gazoo' follow me to the special level 'A'...  

"which is better, a game you think you can finish, but can't, or a game that seems impossible to win, but isn't?" "boo" 

Avalon (12a) 

Dir. Mamoru Oshii 

Reviewed by Matt (@cleric20) Adcock 

I am a player, a warrior... 

I fight in the future (which is all a bit Polish but looks absolutely amazing thanks to some way cool tint effects) in an illegal virtual reality war game called Avalon. I'm not alone although I don't belong to a party of adventures at present, my experience levels are growing and my skills are impressive... My name is Ash and I am a 'Class A', but I yearn for more. 

Avalon is a gorgeously beautiful film, stunning photography from the creator of Ghost in the Shell 1&2 blessed with an intriguing story infused with a high level of intelligence... It is unique although you can see many influences at work and it has in turn obviously influenced many others - The Matrix trilogy, eXistenZ, Harsh Realm etc etc Oshii has made the most convincing 'live action' manga yet... I loved it!

 

"for tha lasst tieme... I'm not death from Bill & Ted!!" 

  "you didn't see me - right!" 

If you are an anime fan, if you like sci-fi, if you appreciate 'real women' in the heroic role (and underwear at times), if you want to be inspired, intrigued, swept away to a mythical computer-generated wonderland...

 choose Avalon... you won't regret it!! 

                                                  "bring in the army hardware... and FIGHT" 

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5): 

Action öööö – V. Tasty battle scene at the start, sporadic after 

Laughs öö – It's a bit grim in the future 

Horror öö – Suitably grim in places but not horrific 

Overall öööö (Anime comes alive!) 

  "watch it..."  

                                                                "haunting imagery, a thinking person's sci-fi dream" 

Darkmatters: H O M E "now check out the rest of the site"

R U Alive?

"Since we're feeling so anesthetised... in our comfort zones..."

Sometimes you just need to check:

Reading - C.H. Spurgeon 'Morning & Evening' (oldschool wisdom)

Listening to - Lostprophets 'Rooftops' (back after 18 months with a single of the week)

Playing - 'Sacrifice' PC (best 'God' game ever?)

Watching - Mamoru Oshii's 'Avalon' (review soon)

Thinking - 'It's good to be alive'

Darkmatters: H O M E

Going to meet Bruce Willis

"so Matt, what's on your mind?"

Yes... Five years of reviewing films for the weekly newspapers, two years of meeting 'A List' Hollywood stars, a year and a half of blogging and finally my chance to put a question or two to my very favourite actor...

Bruce Willis has made me whoop out loud in the cinema like nobody else (um apart from perhaps my slutty ex-girlfriend Kelly back in '90), has delivered some of the coolest film dialogue ever and still surprises with pitch perfect performances like Sin City. I've been a huge fan ever since Moonlighting originally ran back in 1985... I'm sad enough to have gone back and watched his cameo appearence in Miami Vice back in '84 (episode is called 'No Exit' if you're interested).

So as 'Over the Hedge' comes to the UK and Bruce voices R.J. the little furry critter who spouts lines like: "That is an S.U.V. humans ride in them because they are slowly loosing their ability to walk." I'll be there... colour me happy!!

My top 5 Bruce Willis films:

1. Die Hard (1988)
2. Sin City (2005)
3. The Last Boyscout (1991)
4. Unbreakable (2000)
5. 12 Monkeys (1995)


"Yippee-ki-yay, mother...ker - I'm meeting Matt"

Earlier post about Bruce Willis

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Hard Candy

Hard Candy (18)
Dir. David Slade

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Prepare to be shocked, provoked and toyed with by Hayley, the smartest, most unhinged 14-year-old you’re ever likely to meet. Sure she looks cute, like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth but there is pure ice in her eyes and revenge on her mind…The other player in this hardcore, twist-packed examination of crime and punishment is Jeff. Jeff’s a charming, successful 32 year old guy, by day he photographs models for fashion magazines but by night he just might be a sick paedophile killer of young girls. Hard Candy is the white knuckle tale of what happens when Jeff picks up Hayley after flirting with her online… Is he just pathetically lonely? Is she just dangerously naive? Not a chance. Hard Candy is a bold and refreshing twist on the predator / victim scenario and the dangers of internet grooming. David ‘MTV Video Director’ Slade’s big screen debut is a disturbing fast train to a place where anything can happen and it hits like a punch to the face. The skill of the tale is that it keeps you off balance right from the icky start where we get to monitor their inappropriate chatroom courtship. But just who is courting who and why? Nothing is quite as it first seems and like the best horror thrillers Hard Candy keeps you guessing right up until the end,
Ellen Page who plays Haley delivers a stunning powerhouse performance and shows that she’s destined for greatness – you might have also spotted her last month in Xmen: The Last Stand as Shadow Cat. Anyway, here she is Hannibal Lecter in a mini skirt on a mission to ‘out’ Jeff (Patrick Wilson) as a criminal and potentially ensure that he never transgresses again.
Be advised that this is not a simple cat and mouse game but a fully fledged scalpel wielding exposition backed up with graphic violence – most of it directed towards Jeff’s nether regions. If you’re a medical student you might even want to take notes as young Haley reaches the parts that most horror films dare not reach. Unless you’re a bloke of course in which case you’ll be too busy sweating, crossing your legs and squirming in your seat.
It’s rare to see a film quite so highly relevant in today’s climate of abuse of lenient sentencing outrages… Controversial and expertly scripted, Hard Candy should be seen by anyone who has erm… the ‘balls’.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):
Action ööö – Crunching, chopping etc
Laughs öö – Couple of smart jokes - very dark
Horror öööö – Add an extra star if you have nuts
Babes ööö – Page is jailbait alright - but jail would be preferable than what she has in mind!

Overall öööö (A must see thriller)

"now Jeff... what other parts do you want me to chop off?"

Additional info: David Slade's next film is going to be 30 Days of Night, one of the best ever graphic novels (by the twisted genius who is Steve Niles). The plot is about a town where it gets dark for over a month - the perfect place you might think for a gathering of sunlight adverse vampires... and you'd be right! V. excited about this one...

Earlier post about Hard Candy: Sugar We're Going Down

Darkmatters: H O M E

Hard Candy - A Must See Movie

"who will survive and what will be left of them..."

Full review this weekend (damn this distracting football World Cup).

Earlier post about Hard Candy: http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2006/01/hard-candy-sugar-were-going-down.html

Darkmatters: H O M E

New Sony Vaio Desktop

"the VAIO has landed"

The tech bods at Sony be praised...

"it looks good and it functions even better..."

Much happiness is abound in the home of the Adcocks - our new VA1 baby is up and running and has the most beautiful screen I've ever witnesses for PC use (important things like watching DVDs e.g. Sin City, playing Dawn of War, blogging etc)...

Check the specs here: Sony VA1

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: RV

RV (PG)
Dir. Barry Sonnenfeld

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

They’re out there…waiting. They can sense your fear, they know your every weakness and if you don’t finish making their dinner soon they’ll strike… remember… ‘On a family vacation, no one can hear you scream’.
So, if you haven’t planned your summer holiday yet you could always just hire a huge RV (Recreational Vehicle for those non yank literate) and head off into the hills with the family. Seems like a great idea yeah, and what better to get you in the mood than a sentimental, heart warming Robin Williams comedy in the style of National Lampoon’s Family Vacation? Oh right, yes, I see your point…
Anyway, RV sees put upon dad Bob Munro (Robin Williams in slightly restrained comedy mode) taking his dysfunctional family cross-country on a hellish road trip to the Colorado Rockies. This plan isn’t greeted with great enthusiasm by the rest of the Munro clan – self-absorbed wife Jamie, daughter Cassie and son Carl - mostly because they had planned a beach vacation in Hawaii instead.
The kids played by pop starlet JoJo and Josh ‘Zathura’ Hutcherson, convince as the spoilt attention seeking hell spawn, ashamed to be seen within 100 metres of their well meaning dad. When asked to christen the RV they come up with “rolling turd” a fairly fitting name all things considered.
Comedy mishaps dog the family every step of the way, most memorable of which include a full body excrement shower and various run encounters with Jeff Daniels’ RV clan of home schooled backwater good ol boys and girls. Plus the parking brakes are shot on the RV so whenever the script writer gets stuck for inspiration (at least eight times I counted) – it rolls off and hilarity ensues…
It’s deeply forgettable stuff but less offensive than it could have been mostly thanks to everyone going at it 110% in an attempt to make it a fun lightweight diversion.
And Williams can still be funny – for example, at the beginning his young daughter tells him “I'm never going to get married,” to which he replies “Ah, it's not as bad as it looks.”Can Bob win over his family, deliver the killer sales pitch and escape the backwater hicks? I think you already know the answer, whether or not you want to see it played out on a big screen is entirely up to you.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):
Action ö – Slapstick
Laughs öö – Some
Horror ö – Unless you have a fear of Robin Williams
Babes ööö – JoJo's too young for you!

Overall ö1/2 (Amusing in places but weak overall)

"this could go either way..."

Darkmatters: H O M E

Kidulthood - the 'Hoodies ate my childhood' review

Kidulthood (15)
Dir. Menhaj Huda

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Kids today eh? Fifteen year olds shagging, fighting and doing drugs – and that’s just in the playgrounds… If you’ve already written this off as exploitative nonsense then you’re probably still of the mind that the worst excesses of childhood were depicted on screen by the BBC in Grange Hill… Blood - you’re in desperate need of a dose of Kidulthood…

Welcome to a West London drama that's torn straight out of the pages of the hoodie hating tabloids. Written by Noel Clarke - yes he of Dr Who softy boyfriend of Rose (Billie Piper) fame… Soft he ain’t though bro, he be the top boy, he the man wif da rispect… Oh and a baseball bat and nasty temper… See as well as writing this he also stars as Sam, the hardnut bully bad ass sixth former, the school playground gangsta, the one what is so hard that he’ll nick your GBA off ya, shag your girlfriend bareback and beat you half to death for the privilege…

We join bad boy Sam (Clake actually does a great job with this character, showing his vulnerability only in glimpses which reminded me of Presley Chweneyagae in Tsotsi) as one of his victims is pushed over the edge by one happy slapping too far and takes her own life… Her classmates get a day off compassionate leave but compassion is the last thing on their minds. Think more - sex, drugs, shoplifting, partying and beatings and you’re in the right place!

Menhaj Huda doesn’t flinch from showing the compromised lives of these young pups. Jamie Winston (yeah daughter of sexy beast Ray) is good as the heartless slut of the piece - spouting pick up lines to her classmates like “you can put up my ass, it hurts but I don’t mind” when not sucking off older men for drugs… her parents are nowhere to be found (they’d be so proud too?).
Aml Ameen is also worthy of note as the charismatic but tortured Trife who is torn between his mates funnyman Jay and wannabe respected but it’s going to be tough with his nickname: Moony.

Ever wise Chris Curtis sums it all up like this:
“Young people whose lives have become so small and tribalistic that life-threatening conflicts arise out of minor arguments; where sex is a commodity so common that it can happen in the corner of a bedroom whilst other teenagers sit around playing computer games; and where life is dominated by the need to indulge in every hedonistic excess conceivable. The truth is that this film captures a slice of teenage life that really does exist and which is shaping a generation before our eyes.”

Overall Kidulthood is worth watching, especially if you liked Bullet Boy from a couple of years ago which makes a nice companion piece alongside this.

In an interview Noel said: "Bullying, happy-slapping ...whatever you name it, it is happening already, the film is highlighting that, not promoting it. It's saying, 'This is going on. Deal with it.’” Good point I say!!

Read the DM review of the sequel 'Adulthood' here: The Hoodies Strike Back

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö – Beat dis
Laughs öö – Dark comedy man
Horror öö – Add two stars if you've a teenage son or daughter
Babes ööö – Jailbait all the way

Overall ööö1/2 (Tough and mildly shocking - very watchable)

"Miss Piper... not actually in the film"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Kindred Spirits...

"Got absolutely no idea if she looks anything like this...
but you should seriously consider checking her film review blog - see link below!"

Whilst poking about on IMDB's external review links - Darkmatters being #3 for the new Omen remake at the time - I stumbled across a(nother) very cool film review blog and I'd strongly recommend that you check it out - it appears to be run by a female film nut and her team of crack (head) writers... See what you can do if you have the time, energy and a team of mates backing you up!?

Link:
http://bina007.blogspot.com/


And here's her United 93 review which is so good I'm not going to bother reviewing it myself!?:

http://bina007.blogspot.com/2006/06/my-perverse-reaction-to-united-93.html


Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Poseidon

Poseidon (12a)
Dir. Wolfgang Petersen

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Congratulations – you’re the lucky winner of a trip aboard Poseidon, the largest cruise ship ever built. You’re sure to thrill as a massive ‘rogue wave’ hits, you’ll wince at the hammy acting of the trapped survivors, you’ll probably think to yourself ‘haven’t I seen this all somewhere before?’ and you’ll be right. Yes the current Hollywood craze to remake every single film and TV show ever made is still running out of control and here a new sparkly version of 1972’s The Poseidon Adventure. The plot is the exactly same - a small group of passengers, including ‘loveable rogue gambler’ Dylan Johns (a smug Josh Lucas) and ex Mayor of New York Robert Ramsey (an earnest Kurt Russell) try to escape from the slowly sinking ship. Also on board but owing to their lack of star power and / or ethnic traits – deemed much more expendable are Elena Gonzalez (a plucky Mía Maestro), downtrodden bellhop Valentin (Freddy Rodríguez) and onboard singer Gloria (Fergie from The Black Eyed Peas).
In fact the only ‘guaranteed to make it out alive or I’ll eat my cinema ticket’ are a pair of young lovers namely Jennifer (the gorgeous when wet Emmy Rossum) and her fiancé Christian (dashing but wimpy Mike Vogel).
It’s all very predictable stuff, with each new scene playing out like a level of a computer game… Obstacles include flash fires, impaling, drowning, falling, overtly rubbish acting – yes I’m looking at you Richard Dreyfuss.
Deep moral dilemmas do pop up like – you’re in an inverted lift shaft struggling to climb up with a Mexican waiter holding onto your leg. The lift starts to fall and threatens to kill you both so do you:
a. Callously kick the waiter off ensuring his certain death but giving you a chance to survive?
or
b. Reluctantly kick the waiter off anyway as he’s only a minor character?
The only real reason to go and see Poseidon is to marvel at the special effects of the AAA nautical destruction, which are quite something to behold.
But if it’s disaster that you’ve got a hankering for, I’d strongly recommend you choose United 93 instead. This powerful retelling of the 4th hijacked plane from the 9/11 tragedy is a pure white-knuckle overdose, made all the more horrific by the fact that it actually happened. In comparison Poseidon’s soggy disasters and plastic characters pale considerably.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö – Wet and wonderful in places
Laughs ö – Few and fare between but it's not a comedy!
Horror öö – Not grim enough really
Babes ööö – Emmy 'wears a mean wet dress' Rossum...

Overall öö1/2 (Goes down well but instantly forgettable)


"not bad in the dry either..."

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: The Omen 2006

The Omen (15)
Dir. John Moore

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

You must listen to me: I have seen and measured the signs; I know what is to come, yes it is even is amongst us already… 

Hark how it was foretold that a great evil would arise. It will cause people to become mad, it will be a blasphemy upon the land and most of all it will probably make a lot of money thanks to the efforts of some truly dastardly marketing people.

 Yes, I speak of course about The Omen (2006) which spewed forth into cinemas on this Tuesday the sixth of June – 06.06.06 no less.
So those who have understanding – answer me this: What do you get if you cross a jackal, the devil, a big Hollywood budget and a little kid who can’t act? The answer is a flashy but dim remake of the 1976 devil child thriller The Omen.

The new money making excuse / retelling is far more glossy and devilishly slick than the original but also faithful to its source material. This time Liev Schreiber and Julia Stiles do their best as the little Antichrist’s adopted American parents – the Thorns. Director John ‘Behind Enemy Lines’ Moore unsurprisingly ups the loud ‘what’s that goat headed creature in the mirror?’ jump moments whilst ticking off all the main plot points. See little Damien create more chaos in a zoo then even Harry Potter managed, wonder at the ever over used use of red imagery and ponder the meaning of the major world events (9/11, Hurricane Katrina etc) shoehorned in as sure ‘signs’ that the end is coming.

Wicked young Damien is played with a blank lack of emotion throughout by Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick and doesn’t bring any chill to the screen. Brit thespians including David Thewlis, Pete Postlethwaite, and Michael Gambon rally to the cause but are really just fodder to be executed in horrific computer enhanced gory deaths. You’ll wince at the graphic decapitations and lightning rod impalings - if you’re still awake. Mia ‘Rosemary's Baby’ Farrow even pops up as the obligatory devil-worshipping nanny but it’s generally more ho hum than you’d expect.

Actually I heard that the devil has already called his agent demanding a better role in any Damian:Omen 2 remake…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö – Plodding but there in places
Laughs öö – More unintentional than planned
Horror ööö – The devil should be able to scare ya more than this!

Overall öö1/2 (Not terrible but not terribly good either)


"those satanic rose petals will get you in the end..."

Darkmatters: H O M E

Matt's off for 1/2 term... back 04 June...

"Note to self: Remember this important message"

"Matt and his robot buddy Bender celebrate a week off work"

"Matt's wife took face painting to the next level on holiday..."

Darkmatters: H O M E

Not wild about THE WILD

The Wild (U)
Dir. Steve 'Spaz' Williams

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“Je suis koala. Spreken zie koala?” Man, you better hope so if you’re planning an excursion into The Wild this week. That’s because Nigel the koala (voiced by the ever funky Eddie Izzard) is the only reason to venture into this Disney dish of blatant ‘how many tie in cuddly toys can we sell?’ topped off with an unhealthy ‘all you can eat buffet’ of rancid sentimental cheese…
So young lion cub (voiced by Greg Cipes) is accidentally shipped from the New York Zoo to the wilds of Africa… How will this domesticated lion survive when his food isn’t served to him on a plate? Will he find his way home and perhaps most importantly, will his wacky bunch of friends and family including Kiefer Sutherland voicing his dad, James Belushi as an amorous squirrel and the token ‘sensitive’ giraffe manage to raise more than a smile from the stale script?
Stop me if you’re felling some déjà vu here because it does all sound a bit familiar… That’ll be the fact that even though there’s some Lion King left over moments shoehorned in here, this is basically the same storyline, which was done better last year in Madagascar.
You can virtually see the writer’s desperation dripping from the screen – quick we need more wackiness – send in a penguin curling team, now we need some baddies – let’s have William Shatner as a villainous wildebeest who wants to eat a lion? Oh dear, there’s only one person who can save the day…Yes the burden of making any of The Wild watchable ultimately falls not on the first time director who goes by the name Steve 'Spaz' Williams (his words not mine), but on the furry hunched shoulders of Nigel the English koala. Nigel is the star, he deserves a film of his own and his deadpan one liners are so much sharper than anything else on offer that you have to wonder if Eddy Izzard simply adlibbed all of his lines?Yes there are semi amusing moments from a host of throw away ethnic bit part players - Italian alligators, Indian pigeons, Austrian insects and Canadian geese anyone? The younger, less media savvy children out there might be able to look past the slightly creepy ‘can’t see the lips move’ animation style and go home less bored than their parents. But whichever way you look at this film, it’s not going to drive anyone wild!!

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ö – none to speak of really
Laughs öö – Nigel does his best but it's an uphill struggle
Horror ö – wildebeest aren't acceptable villians
Babes ö – it's wrong to look at giraffes like that!

Overall öö (weak and cuddly - one of these stars is purely for Nigel!!)


"you'll need the newspaper to clear up the 'droppings'...

Read my Madagascar review

Darkmatters: H O M E

Matt takes a BRICK to the face

"it's true - you have to see it!"


"stranger and stranger... this is one very cool mystery"

Brick (15)
Dir. Rian Johnson

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“Ask any dope rat where the junk's spraying and they'll say they scraped it off that, who scored it off this, who bought it off someone; after four or five connections, the list always ends with the Pin. But I betcha you got every rat in town together and said show your hands if any of 'em actually seen the Pin, we'd get a crowd of full pockets.”

Welcome to the world of BRICK new director on the block Rian Johnson's strange and wonderful fusion of teen angst, neo noir and detective mystery – all wrapped up in an ultra stylish coating of David Lynchian unease.

Emily (Emile de Ravin) is a girl in trouble – too many lovers, too much of a drug problem, in with the wrong crowd – so far so Twin Peaks… So it’s not the biggest surprise when she turns up dead and is found by her brooding ex-boyfriend Brendan (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) outside an iconic drainage tunnel…
From then on Brendan his geeko pal ‘The Brain’ (Matt O'Leary) get to work cracking the Da Vinci deep conspiracy behind her death and cross paths with drug lord ‘The Pin’ (Lukas Haas). Mix this up with Nora Zehetner as a surprisingly believable femme fatale and Noah Fleiss as a heavy with attitude and you have an absolute winner. You have got to love the dialogue, it’s a mix of hard boiled detective speak and pure poetry:

“The sun, whose rays are all ablaze With ever-living glory, Does not deny his majesty He scorns to tell a story. He don't exclaim, "I blush for shame, So kindly be indulgent." But, fierce and bold, In a fiery gold, His glories all effulgent. I mean to rule the earth, As he the sky We really know our worth, The sun and I. Observe his flame, That placid dame, The moon's celestial highness There's not a trace Upon her face Of diffidence or shyness She borrows light That, through the night, Mankind may all acclaim her And, truth to tell, She lights up well, So I, for one, don't blame her. Ah, pray make no mistake, we are not shy we're very wide awake.”

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öööö – cool, tense and satisfying short bursts
Laughs öö – this ain’t no comedy but has a couple of moments
Horror ööö – some grimness but nothing over the top

Overall ööööö (stunning - one of my ‘films of the year’ for sure)

"In true 'Laura Palmer' fashion... girlfriend dead, let the investigation begin"

Darkmatters: H O M E