Matt Adcock meets Borat

Matt Adcock meets Borat

It was my immeasurable honour this week to meet international Kazakhstani superstar Borat Sagdiyev, in London for the opening of his new ‘blockbusterings’ movie - Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.

He bursts into the press conference at the swanky Dorchester Hotel pausing only briefly to great as many male journalists as he can with kisses and pocket a digital camera from one of them. He has the look of a man who has been through a lot to bring the world his heart rending new film. During filming he was tracked by the FBI, hunted by redneck rodeo owners and he suffered terribly at the err, ‘wrong end’ of his large hairy producer Azamat Bagatov (an eye watering scene which should serve as a cautionary tale for anyone contemplating a bout of male nude wrestling).

So Borat – how has your film been received so far?

Borat: “It take top spot in my country! Even though Kazakh censor did give this movie their most strict ratings, meaning no one there can look on it if they younger than 3 years old. Kazakh censor was also concern about amount of anti-Semitisms it contain, although eventually they decide there just enough and allow it be release.

”It is also the most expensive film ever made in Kazakhstan. It cost 48 million tenge – this equivalent to 5000 US Dollar. Ministry of Information supplement budget by selling uranium…”

Wow, I see, but what did you learn from your fact finding trip to the USA?

Borat: “Along my travelings, I learn many new things about America. For example that it no longer legal to shoot at Red Indians. Once again I apologise with all my heart to the staff of the Potawotomi Casino in Kansas!

"I was also very surprise to discover that womens is permit to operate motocar. This could never happen in Kazakhstan.where it is said that to let woman drive car is like to let monkey fly a plane. We do not allow this any more since 2003 Astana air crash."

Any other highlights?

Borat: “Yes. While in the South, we passed by a group of soldiers making re-enacting of the American Civil Wars. It very similar to the Kazakh re-enactment of the Tishniek Massacre, which we do every year by travelling to the town of Tishniek and massacring them. Why not?”

Thank you for your honesty, I was a bit freaked out by the positive reaction you got in America when you shouted: “May George Bush drink the blood of every man, woman and child in Iraq!”

Borat: "Jagshemash! We in Kazakhstan admires very much George Walter Bush. He a very wise man and very strong - although perhaps not so strong or handsome as his father Barbara."

And with that he disappears into the night to pursue his hobbies of ‘ping pong, disco dance and taking photos of ladies doing toilet without their knowledge’, pausing only briefly to tell one female journalist that he already has a photo of her…

Borat’s film opens this week – and I can say with little doubt that it is the funniest Kazakh film you’ll ever see!

Read my review of the film here: Borat

Jagshemash! Borat Film Reviewings

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (15)
Dir. Larry Charles

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Jagshemash! Breaking news just in from Kazakhstan; Borat Sagdiyev has made the funniest film of 2006. Yes, if you don’t find yourself laughing during Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, you probably haven’t got a pulse.

Dangerously hilarious, precariously inflammatory and so ‘oh man he didn’t just say that… did he?’ that you’ll cringe, you’ll cry but most of all you’ll never forget this piece of razor sharp satire.

You know you’re in for something from way over the other side of the line marked ‘good taste’ when you read the Sun calling it “THE most appallingly crude and shocking movie ever made...” In fact nothing can adequately prepare you for this odyssey of wacky humour which is shot through with such biting subversive wit that it ends up making you question lots of the thoughts and motivations of an entire continent.

Borat’s film is a brilliant mockumentary which follows the fictional journalist from Kazakhstan as he travels to the US in order to bring back good practice that will help his home country develop economically and socially. His mission is somewhat jeopardised when he falls head over heels in love with Pamela Anderson after seeing an episode of Baywatch. Completely smitten he persuades his obese producer / travelling companion Azamat Bagatov (played with gusto by Ken Davitian) that rather than stay in New York, they undertake an ill advised road trip right across America in order to make an even less advised marriage proposal to the blonde uber babe herself.

Along the way they cross paths with a weird and wonderful selection of America’s populace – including feminists, red necks, hip hop fans and evangelical Christians to name but a few. Borat’s wide eyed faux innocence and energetically bigoted, misogynistic and anti-Semetic behaviour brings out some truly disturbing attitudes and lands him many highly comical ‘real’ situations. It’s often painful to watch the reactions he elicits when you remember that whilst he is acting, the people he meets are not… Borat is a great character, a new cinematic icon brought vividly to life by creator Sacha Baron ‘Ali G’ Cohen.

Hear that? That’s the sound of ground being broken as real people reveal their prejudices and hypocrisies on camera. Borat stands out in the crowded comedy marketplace as a truly memorable slice of edutainment and for me is one of the films of the year!

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö - slap that stick brother and hit the road
Laughs ööööö – danger: funniest film of the year warning!
Horror ööö – caution don't ever go 'ass to mouth' with your producer
Babes ööö – Pammy?

Overall öööö (Genius at work...)


"Borat realised he might not win the 'miss Kazakhstan beachwear contest' but he gave it his best shot!"

Read my interview with the great man: http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2006/10/matt-adcock-meets-borat.html

Darkmatters: H O M E

Sony PS3... Detailed article and teaser...

Smooth... that's how Sony do it (but not in the UK... yet)

Even though it won't be landing in the Adcock household until March '07, I was still interested by the detailed DIGIT article which explores an apparently heavenly 'hands on' experience with the new PS3...

You can read it here: http://www.digitmag.co.uk

Subtle note to Sony execs... it's always a great idea to send blog reviewers demo machines!!

Earlier post about PS3

Related film review DOA: Dead or ALIVE (babes)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Marie Antoinette

Marie Antoinette (12a)
Dir. Sofia Coppola

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

It’s Friday night and I have a late licence from the Mrs. I think a boys night trip to the flicks is in order – so what will it be? Maybe some heroic life saving antics from The Guardian or a shocker horror in the form of The Grudge 2? No, there’s really only one choice for a bunch of blokes looking for a good night out this week… Yes err, Marie Antoinette of course!?
And it turned out to be a top night in the company of the infamous cake munching young queen (that’s Marie by the way not my mate Steve in case you were wondering)… Sofia ‘Lost In Translation’ Coppola bases her opulent ‘glam over substance’ historical film on Antonia Fraser's book about the ill-fated Archduchess of Austria / Queen of France. Kirsten Dunst holds court impressively and completely captivated me as Marie Antoinette. She really looks the regal part portraying possibly the most misunderstood woman in history. Married off for political reasons when only 14 she was catapulted to a life of wild excess in France where she shops, parties and idles her days until her world is swept away by the French revolution.
Dunst is quite something to behold decked out in a wanton wardrobe that will send shoe fetishists into rapture and looks like pages torn from an 18th century Vogue magazine.
Her husband Louis XVI of France (a brilliantly understated role by Jason ‘I Heart Huckabees’ Schwartzman) is less taken with her and the scenes of his inept bedroom antics will make you both giggle and cringe. The rest of the cast go about the shallow tale with gusto including Steve Coogan who always looks like he’s about to crack a wicked joke. There is a superb heavily ‘80s influenced soundtrack too that includes Aphex Twin, New Order, Siouxsie and the Banshees and the best cinematic use of a Cure song (Plainsong) ever.
If you’re looking for an in-depth study of the live and times of Marie Antoinette, this slight flick will not be sufficient for you as it is only surface tension deep. But if you want to be whisked away for a couple of hours into a dreamlike fashion parade where all that seems to matter are the vicious whispers of the courtiers and the constant succession of choux buns and balls, look no further because as the ill fated monarch says at one point: “Letting everyone down would be my greatest unhappiness.”

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öö - does shopping count?
Laughs öö – tres amusant! in parts
Horror ö – nothing very grim (not even a beheading)
Babes öööö – Dunst is very hot here and it's not a new thing... see below...

Overall öööö (likely to split audiences - but I really liked it!)

"Dunst shows that she's all there... in 'Get Over It' "


"some more Dunst appreciation..."

Darkmatters: H O M E

Haunted... A trip way beyond your comfort zone...

Haunted
Chuck Palahniuk

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

How does one go about reviewing a book like Haunted?
Well, you could play it straight and write a brief plot synopsis, pick out some of the fantastic elements that the author has conjured up and maybe pass comment on the sickness which permeates this fictional insanity inducing collection of short stories wrapped up in a freakily wonderful novel… but where’s the fun in that?

What we have here are 23 stories bound together to create a novel. Each is told by a writer and each writer taking part on a ‘writers' retreat’ away from society, far away from the hum drum distractions of modern life and unfortunately for them… away from help of any kind… this is a retreat with a difference, there may be no coming back…

But anyway – you don’t really need to know anything more about the plot, all you need to know is that if you choose to read Haunted – you will probably never be the same again… This is XXX stuff, class ‘A’ horror that will make you squirm, make you gag and make you ponder your life in ways you may not have otherwise. You could try to make out that it’s cheap and exploitative, you could say that it will only appeal to those looking for macabre thrills of an extreme nature or claim that no ‘normal’ person should subject themselves to this kind of filth, the kind that indelibly stains your brain, but if you did that, I think you might have missed the point.

Palahniuk is one of my favourite authors, with Fight Club and Lullaby two of my favorite novels – not to mention Fight Club the film which I adore… If you’ve read of even heard of his novels you should to know to approach with caution but with Haunted, bad boy Chuck takes it to a whole new level: this novel is not for the faint-hearted.
Haunted is a turbo charged assault on senses. 23 eye watering punches to the face. A work of exceptional originality. A catalogue of appalling events to which you as the reader will become an accomplice. A pressure cooker of distilled suspense, an overdose of intellectual ferocity which could only ever be attempted by a few writers and done successfully by maybe just this one?

Unforgettable tales about the Nightmare Box, Breather Betty and Guts are waiting to make your acquaintance but as I might have mentioned, this is a trip not suited to those who are easily freaked (or those who just don’t want to know what lurks under the façade of everyday ‘sanity’).
Instead of providing a sample passage, it’s entirely better if you face your fears and take on one of the most hardcore of the 23 stories in full – if you have the ‘guts’ follow this link but I take no responsibility if it makes you sick / faint / grossed out:

http://www.seizureandy.com/stuff/guts.html

Final note (from The Guardian): “In these days when our sensibilities are dulled by the excesses of TV and films, when terror outrages come only third or fourth in the news headlines, I had felt myself to be more or less hardened against horror stories. Reading "Guts" proved me wrong. While it did not make me faint, it certainly put me off my lunch. It is a remarkable passage in a remarkable book, the most original work of fiction this year.”
I concur…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö - unusual pace but compelling throughout
Laughs ööö – very funny in places (don't look at me like that)
Horror ööööö – demented amounts of grimness
Babes ööö – seriously sick individuals might get off on this

Overall ööööö (face the disturbing darkness of the human soul)

Links:
My review of Diary by Chuck Palahniuk

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Open Season

Open Season (PG)
Dir. Roger Allers, Jill Culton and Anthony Stacchi


Reviewed by Matt Adcock

One Fur All & All Fur One… Oh please, after a year already choc full with animated romps featuring lovable talking wild animals, you might be more inclined to thinking ‘shoot me now’ rather than to be licking your lips in anticipation of yet another. But wait…this is the debut of a new power in the animated film world – this is the first feature film release of Sony Pictures Animation. And Open Season is their super-slick Shrekalicious tale aimed very much at kids. Yes it has a measure of wackiness, a sense of boundless joy and some endearing furry characters bur it all feels a bit unnecessary.
Martin Lawrence lends his voice to Boog – a grizzly bear that has been raised in domestic bliss and is in no way prepared for a shock return to the wild – especially when hunting season is just about to kick off. Ashton Kutcher is Donkey, sorry I mean Elliot, a deer with only one antler who has a knack for getting himself into trouble.
There’s little here to take real offensive to, the computer generated visuals are impressive in places but nothing that Over The Hedge didn’t do a few months ago. What is missing most from Open Season are the standout really funny moments, trying to think back now, the only scene that stuck in my mind was the amusing climatic ‘battle’ where the furry prey of the forest fight back against the hunters. It’s a bit depressing to think that seven writers and three directors couldn’t come up with a few more sparks of quality comedy?
My boys did enjoy it though and I guess they are the target audience at the end of the day but even they admitted that it didn’t excite or entertain on the same level of Hoodwinked from a few weeks back and my wife just slept through most of it.
Sony Pictures Animation have got some more work to do if they want to really compete with the big boys of Pixar or Dreamworks. Open Season was a fair effort, certainly better than weak offerings like ‘The Wild’ but with the queue of animated features approaching cinemas showing no sign of slowing down it is going to take something more impressive to keep the more discerning audiences coming back.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö - end batle almost makes up for long slow sections
Laughs ööö – some but not enough really
Horror ö – very mild scares from a demented hunter
Babes ö – move along... nothing to see here

Overall öö (not quite a sitting duck)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - The Beginning

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (18)
Dir. Jonathan Liebseman

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

This weekend you might have been able to make out the strangest of sounds, the noise made by power tools when used in bizarre ways you definitely won’t find in the instruction manuals. Alongside this unsettling soundtrack could also be heard the inhuman cry of a madman being driven ever more insane… Yes, I’ll admit it, I really don’t like putting together flat packed furniture and I can only apologise to the neighbours for the ungodly noise.
But what of the film? Well you might have already heard something about the infamous Hewitt family in the U.S. who from 1969 to 1973 murdered thirty-three people across the state of Texas. To this day, it is considered one of the most notorious and brutally sadistic killing sprees in the annals of American history and is referred to as ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’. If you fancy seeing a fictional ‘what might have started it all off’ then you’re in luck because that’s exactly what The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning is. Yes Jonathan ‘Darkness Falls’ Liebseman directs this grisly depiction of how your average oddball hillbilly family go from being ‘slightly unpleasant and eccentric’ through to ‘completely murderously insane and cannibalistic’. The descent actually only takes about half an hour and from then on in it becomes a pointless if striking mix n match revisit of scenes taken from the many previous money spinning Texas Chainsaw movies to date.
So a bunch of cute teenagers stumble across the killer family and end up feeling the business end of a variety of tools both powered and manual. Things get progressively grimmer and the graphic results of the heinous crimes are splattered liberally across the screen, in vomit inducing high definition. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning is really not for the faint of heart (just in case the title wasn’t enough of a warning). At the screening I was at, more than 10 people walked out at various sadistically strategic points – that’s the most tangible audience disgust I’ve witnessed in my six years of film reviewing. So be warned. What actually upset me most on viewing this was the sheer lack of originality of the ‘origin’ story as to why the chainsaw wielding freakfest known as ‘Leatherface’ got quite so disturbed in the first place… Do the words ‘cynical cash in’ mean anything to you?

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö - nasty stuff, sadistic and grim
Laughs öö – if you find this funny... seek help
Horror öööö – pretty darn horrible in many places
Babes ööö – latest cute teens are fair to moderately hot

Overall öö1/2 (delivers a good chopping but weak on ideas)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Matt witnesses a nation's DOWNFALL

Untergang, Der / Downfall (15)
Dir. Oliver Hirschbiegel

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“Be ruthless. Life doesn't forgive weakness. This so-called humanity is religious drivel. Compassion is an eternal sin. To feel compassion for the weak is a betrayal of nature. The strong can only triumph if the weak are exterminated. Being loyal to this law, I've never had compassion.” Adolf Hitler…

Downfall eh? That nail biting game of skill and chance, the turning of those dials, the sweaty palmed fear that you might inadvertently be aiding your opponent get his or her yellow counters down to the ‘win’ pile before you? Who’d have thought that it would become the subject of such a riveting film? Oh wait a minute…

Director Oliver Hirschbiegel has made something a bit special here: A disturbing and butt clenching recreation of the final days of Hitler and his not so merry men in their besieged Berlin bunker. Based on the book by Joachim Fest, "Inside Hitler's Bunker", and the memoirs of one of Hitler's secretaries, Traudl Junge, Downfall is a film that everybody on the planet should see at least once.

The acting is outstanding and the sense of composite evil drips from the screen – never more so than in Corinna ‘soon to be seen in Perfume’ Harfouch’s depiction of Magda Goebbels whose clinical extermination of her own children is gut wrenching to behold.

Of course you can’t blame Hitler for being driven out of his mind – it might even have been when he heard that it was me directing the Allied forces against him that was the last straw… Loving Company of Heroes as I am – it is without doubt the best Real Time Strategy Game (RTS) on the PC to date I’m taking France back at such a swift and decisive rate that any crazed world dictator would be scared (although you can challenge me online if you think you want a shot at someone who once made it to the global top 20 commanders in the Command & Conquer Generals rankings)…

Sorry about that – back to the film - what else can I say? Downfall is a brilliantly realised smorgasbord of characters that each add to the impending sense of totalitarian doom that crushes the Nazis even as the red fist of the Russian advance begins to bite right on their doorstep.

As the leaders of the Nazi war machine come apart in various ways we get to see it all in brutal close up, so close you can almost smell their fear, panic and madness… Never forget – you couldn’t make this up – this happened and it needs to be remembered.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öööö - battle realism and unflinching depictions of valour
Laughs öö – some light hearted moments but not many
Horror öööö – very grim in parts, some scenes will stay with you
Babes öö – German totty but nothing worth locking yourself in a bunker for

Overall öööö1/2 ( a necessary masterpiece in so many ways)

"I'm sorry love, but you are a vicious deluded monster - so it's for the best..."

Darkmatters: H O M E

How Cute is Leighton Meester?

"Leighton Meester (born April 9, 1986) is stil my tip for best upcoming actress..."

Very Cute!!

I first spotted miss Meester in her role as Savannah in Surface (above). Other roles include guest starring in Season 4 of 24, in a couple of episodes of House (see below), plus other small parts in North Shore, Veronica Mars, Chandler's new girlfriend Kendall the WB drama 7th Heaven, as well as the role of Justine Chapin in the HBO comedy Entourage. Plus films like Hangman's Curse and soon to be released Drive-Thru...
Oh and an episode of Numb3rs called 'Dark Matter'!?


"Her surname "Meester" is Dutch for "master" or "teacher"..."

BTW am listening to the stunning new Killers album 'Sam's Town' whilst posting this...
Current fav track is 'This River Is Wild' - gotta love these lyrics:

"Or I should I just get along with myself?
I never did get along with everybody else
I've been trying hard to do what's right
But you know I could stay here... All night...

And watch the clouds fall from the sky - This river is wild"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: The Departed

The Departed (18)
Dir. Martin Scorsese

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

”When I was your age, they would say you could become cops or criminals. What I'm saying is this: When you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?”
Welcome to the mean streets of Boston, a city ruled by terror where even the police are struggling to make any sort of dent in the all pervasive operation of psychotic mob boss Frank Costello (Jack Nicholson). Costello has risen to his lofty position through effectively brutal violence as he quips at one point “a lot of people had to die so I could be me” and he’s not wrong. In a desperate attempt to bring him down the police send an undercover agent into Costello’s operation – this dangerous and dubious honour falls to rookie cop Billy Costigan (an on form Leonardo DiCaprio). Unfortunately for them Costello has an inside man of his own, Colin Sullivan (Matt Damon) working inside the Police, leaking their plans and ensuring that the mob stay one step ahead of the authorities. And so it is that a delicious game of cat and mouse escalates – the stakes are the lives of not only the undercover agents but also most of their colleagues on both sides of the law.
The Departed is a classy US remake of an amazingly tense Hong Kong crime thriller called Infernal Affairs and while it transplants whole scenes from the original into the American setting it also mixes up the plot just enough to make the films excellent companion pieces to each other. Director Scorsese delivers a brilliantly blood soaked, compulsively nerve shredding film, aided in no small part by fantastic performances from an impressive cast. This is very much Nicholson’s film and he really should bag an Oscar nomination for this twisted tour de force here but DiCaprio and Damon put in sterling work too, backed up by Mark Wahlberg, Martin Sheen and Ray Winston.
The Departed is a balls-to-the-wall confident and clever thriller, engaging and disturbing in equal measures and a benchmark by which all US cop thrillers will be judged against for some time to come. Yes Scorsese like to overcook his borrowed plotlines and veers into unnecessary extravagance at points but providing you’ve got the stomach for some scenes of unflinchingly grim violence, The Departed is a film that deserves your attention and is likely to stay with you long after the gunfire has subsided.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öööö - crunching and bloody when necessary
Laughs öö – darkly funny at points
Horror ööö – gets pretty grim and leaks lots of blood
Babes ööö – Vera Farmiga - odd face, hot body!

Overall öööö ( a quality remake but the original edges it for me)

"bloody Leonardo DiCaprio- actually pretty good in The Departed"


"Vera Farmiga - making some good movie choices recently!*"

*See Running Scared where she gets eaten out Paul Walker...
My review here: http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2006/01/film-review-running-scared.html

Darkmatters: H O M E

Look at that git playing his PS3...

"lucky b*st*rd of the year... 2006"

You see that guy - playing his PS3 and smiling like he knows that everybody in the UK wants to kill him and take his shiny Sony console off him because we have been condemned to wait until March for our chance to play the greatest gaming machine ever to grace the planet? Depressing isn't it!?

Anyway here's a cool thing to check out in the mean time:

The Carnival of Cinema

Yes try your luck at the Canival... or just stare at that lovely PS3 and the not so lovely editor of a Playstation mag playing it!!

Darkmatters: H O M E

Matt seeks the ARCHLORD for a monkey

"Heather Graham - possibly part moonelf?"

"does my bum look big in this new MMO?"

Archlord...

Ancient lore tells us of the prophecy of the ArchLord, the one to obtain the five keys of the spirits and hold the ultimate power over all things living. Five relics of untold power await the daring adventurer should he be prepared to take on the challenge and eventually become the most powerful being in this place... Will Matt be that person? We'll see I guess - but I've been asked to review this new MMO (Massively Multiplayer Online Game for you that don't speak nerd) so check out my review over at funky Irish website frankthemonkey.com

Darkmatters: H O M E

Christians Should Watch More Horror Films

"What I was watching five years ago..."

You know sometimes you stumble across things that you might have written a long time ago? Well I found this from five years ago that I wrote for some now extinct magazine and seeing as it’s kind of seasonal I thought I’d blog it (despite it being more than a little twee, and I won't vouch for its quality)… Remember - you don't have to read it!!

Christians Should Watch More Horror Films

By Matt Adcock

Halloween looms large once again, the ceremonial pumpkins are lining up to be gouged and you can’t move for plastic skeletons in the shops. This is the time when scary things are celebrated and witches and wizards will be getting together even if only to discuss what they think the plots cuts being made in the new Harry Potter movie.

Here in the UK, some student named Ian Stratton is purported to be conducting his PhD thesis on creatures that go bump in the night at Cheltenham and Gloucester College, where he has until 2007 to research the psychology behind terrifying monsters and fictional beasts.

He is reading into the creation of scary creatures and researching just why they terrify us. Asked why he is doing it he said: "My main topic of interest will be monsters in film and television over the last decade and researching why civilised 21st century society still needs these creatures. I want to find out about different kinds of monsters, from the bug-eyed kind in classic 1950s films to the more human kind like Hannibal Lecter.”
He lists his top five scary films and TV shows as:

1. Halloween - "Jamie Lee Curtis can't be beaten."
2. Silence of the Lambs - "The scariest monster is the kind that could be sitting next to you in the cinema."
3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer - "It looks fantastic."
4. Angel - "The darker spin-off from Buffy."
5. Dr Who - "I remember how much those plastic creatures terrified me as a seven-year-old."
Read more about his PhD here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/tv_and_radio/1434672.stm

It will be interesting to see what conclusions Mr Stratton comes up with because I have often wondered just why so many of us seek out horror, to enjoy being scared. But surely you don’t believe in all those myths, folk tales and occult babblings? What if there really were monsters outside our houses and our lives were at the mercy of a witches’ spell? Where would we turn to fight the evil if it was manifest – last time I looked there weren’t many Vampire Slayers listed in our yellow pages in Hitchin.

Christians though actually have a very useful contact when it comes to dealing with evil (in any form) - you know... God yeah? 

Last week I watched a pretty so-so DVD called ‘Bless The Child’, it was by all accounts a scary movie complete with depictions of demons prompting the villains in their attempts to prevent people ‘turning to God’. What I liked most about it however was the fact that the spiritual forces of good also managed to make an appearance in an excellent ‘bright light’ way.

Here’s my smiley wrap up comment (you know how these things always look so cringe worthy when you read them years later)… Please bear with me… Perhaps this Halloween as the deluge of horror takes centre stage across the media and through our towns, it can serve to remind us that evil isn’t the only option or even on the winning team.

"Angela Bettis... spooky but hot!?"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Click

"it's soo true..."

Click (12a)
Dir. Frank Coraci

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

When I press this button you will not be able to move, you will be completely at my mercy. Everything will be ‘paused’ except me and you better hope that I like you… Because I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want me to slap you around, break wind in your face or take off vital pieces of your clothing – leaving you hurting / gagging or just plain embarrassed when I restart time? Of course it’s just a movie but you’ve got to admit that the idea of having a ‘universal remote control’ which works on the universe itself is a fun one and director Frank ‘The Wedding Singer’ Coraci milks it for every last drop of potential mirth.
Adam Sandler plays Michael Newman, your average American guy who is striving to please his scumbag boss (a top cameo by David Hasselhoff), keep his cute kids and gorgeous wife (a jaw droppingly hot Kate Beckinsale) happy and still have time for his extended family. It’s an impossible task and it’s driving him mental. That is until he one day is given a universal remote by wacky inventor / angel Christopher Walken. From then on Click plays like a kind of Bruce Almighty just with supernatural technology giving him the Godlike powers rather than deifying himself. There were an awful lot men in the cinema wearing wistfully envious looks when Newman experiences the delights of being able to ‘picture in picture’ sports channel coverage into his field of vision at any time, and several partners got evil looks when nodding vigorously at the great idea of being able to fast forward through every argument you ever have with your better half. How about using it to turn down the volume on a whining needy friend, annoyingly jolly karaoke merchant or loudly barking dog? What about hitting the slow motion button when a foxy female jogger passes or pausing time to give your boss a quick beating when given an outrageous deadline? Click takes puerile (mostly male) wish fulfillment and plays it large on the big screen.
The fun does slow down for a schmaltzy moral about wasting your life but even that doesn’t detract from Click being a very worthwhile way to kill some time. There’s even a great soundtrack which features one of my all time favourite tracks - U2’s Achtung Baby masterpiece ‘Ultraviolet’. I went to see Click with fairly low expectations but will now chalk it up as potentially Adam Sandler’s finest work to date.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öö - not an action flick but pacy enough
Laughs öööö – plenty and well observed, you will laugh out loud
Horror ö – nothing too grim except Sandler in a fat suit at one point
Babes öööö – Beckinsale is in my all time top 10!

Overall öööö (more fun than you might expect!)


"Kate Beckinsale... yes please!!"

More Beckinsale on Darkmatters:

Top of my would like to... list

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Hoodwinked

Hoodwinked (U)
Dir. Cory Edwards

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Have you ever wondered if your dear sweet granny might actually be living a double life? Perhaps behind the cup cakes, jumpers and general mild mannered exterior – maybe she’s known as ‘Triple G’ and into extreme sports and danger? No, me either, but it’s a great ‘what if’ and it works brilliantly in Hoodwinked – a fun animated comedy for all the family. You just know you’re in for something a little bit special when you have Little Red Riding Hood in situations like this:

Red (voiced by the always yummy Anne Hathaway) finds a medallion in one Granny's kitchen drawers and asks. “Granny, what's this?” Granny (a wonderfully fun turn by Glen Close) replies, “Uhhh... It says 'World's Greatest Grandma'.” Red quick as wink however says, “Granny, I can read. It says 'Battle of the Iron Cage Gladiators'.” And we get treated to a quick flashback of Granny in all her cage wrestling smack-down glory!

Yes Hoodwinked is that rare beast, an animated film made by someone other than Pixar or Dreamworks that is actually worth checking out. Blessed with a razor sharp script and enough madcap ideas per minute to keep kids and adults thoroughly entertained, this went down a treat with both my boys and my wife… In fact when we got back from the cinema my youngest son James phoned his grandma just to check that she wasn’t a secret snowboarding adrenalin junky (she isn’t in case you were wondering).

Director Cory Edwards should be very proud of what he’s made here – think Little Red Riding Hood crossed with ‘The Usual Suspects’. The plot is staged in flashback as each of the main characters from the fairy tale - the smooth talking wolf (Patrick Warburton), the axe wielding lumberjack (James Belushi) plus Red and Granny / Triple G each tell their conflicting version of events. It’s down to the hard boiled detective Nicky Flippers (David Ogden Stiers) to crack the case and while he’s at it track down the forest’s public enemy number one – the Goody Thief…

I particularly enjoyed the witty asides and quips from the wolf, turns out he’s a journalist working undercover working a scoop on the Goody Thief, you see. Pick of his lines is when he bemoans his lot in life as a humble hack – wistfully exclaiming, “Man, I should have been a film reviewer!” And when the films are as good as Hoodwinked – he’s got a point!

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö - cool set pieces even if not cutting edge animation
Laughs öööö – lots and they hit their targets
Horror ö – mild suspense, nothing to perturb
Babes ööö – hathaway even sounds hot

Overall öööö (lots of fun)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Children of Men

Children of Men (15)
Dir. Alfonso Cuarón

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“I can't really remember when I last had any hope, and I certainly can't remember when anyone else did either. Because really, since women stopped being able to have babies, what's left to hope for?” This is the cheery sentiment of the impressively bleak new slice of British sci-fi directed by Alfonso ‘Harry Potter 3’ Cuarón. Children of Men is a scarily believable near future world in the grip of brutal martial law and serious population decline thanks to the fact that it’s been more than eighteen years since the last baby was born.
Clive Owen stars as Theodore Faron – a grizzled ex-activist whose life is blown apart when he unwittingly becomes the guardian of a young refugee who has become pregnant and so might just hold the future of mankind in the balance…
I took my wife to see this but am beginning to regret it as she’s described the film as ‘a visual assault on the senses that leaves you shaken and bewildered’, not really what you want from a romantic evening out!?
She’s not wrong though; Children of Men is not an easy film to watch – filmed in a raw photojournalistic style, which drags you through the vicious climate of fear, paranoia and heavy-handed government control. Claire-Hope Ashitey is amazing as the potentially world changing mother-to-be and her plight is heartfelt. Sir Michael Caine and Julianne Moore provide serious quality support to the proceedings, although in Caine’s case – as a wacky pothead the word ‘serious’ might be open to interpretation.
The action scenes are pleasingly heavy duty, unflinching and stark but they have an authentic feel that makes you care what happens to the characters. Look, I don’t want to spoil it for you but here’s a hint – I wouldn’t get too attached to any of them if you don’t want your evening ruined.
It’s great to see a Brit(ish) film boldly charting territory that is usually the sole domain of Hollywood and coming away with its head held high. If you sign up for this dark journey, do keep your eyes peeled for some great incidental in jokes though, like a huge unexplained floating pig in the air near Battersea power station - surely a reference to the cover image of the Pink Floyd album "Animals"?
Children of Men is a quality alternative to the crass mainstream offerings so often found clogging up cinemas.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö - not action packed but enough to satisfy
Laughs öö – a few - mostly thanks to Caine
Horror ööö – some grimness and lots of suspense
Babes öö – Julianne Moore doesn't really do it for me

Overall ööö1/2 (worthy of your time)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Tiger Woods PGA Tour 07

"today was a great day for virtual golf lovers... Tiger is back!!"

Tiger Woods PGA Tour 07
Matt's first impressions of PSP and PS2 versions...

As the Europeans take the early upper hand at 5-3 in an absorbing opening day at the 36th Ryder Cup, I was rather more excited at the prospect of taking Tiger Woods home and humiliating him...

Anticipation of EA Games' Tiger Woods PGA Tour 07 was running very high in the Adcock household... After last year's slight missfire I was keen to see if '07 would impress enough to make it essential play - both at home on the trusty PS2 and on my commute with the loveable PSP...

So there I was, drooling like a loon as I surrendered my credit card to the very fit young lady in HMV and in return she slipped me two slices of gaming golf heaven...

I will go into details in a proper review later (actually finding it hard to stop playing long enough to write this) but for now if you've ever been a fan of the series - rest assured that Tiger Woods PGA Tour 07 is 'return of the king' and he's better than ever!!

First impressions of Tiger Woods PGA Tour 07 - it is as sexy as:

Mischa Barton!! i.e. very very tasty...

Darkmatters: H O M E

'300' Trailer Is a Killer - must see!!

"by the look on her face, women go wild for a battle hero - obviously..."

Frank Miller - you've got to love the guy's graphic novels - almost single handedly producing the best ever Batman stories (Dark Knight Returns / Strikes Again), kicking all sort of butt in his masterpiece series of Sin City (cracking film last year setting new standard in graphic novel screen realisation) and now his blistering combat epic '300' is going to hit the big screen next year... And thanks to many sources (freshvisual, and filmstalker to name but two of the coolest ones) you can now find links over to the trailer and boy... it looks good!!!!

Based on the insanely violent Battle of Thermopylae in 480 B.C. , where the King of Sparta led his army against the advancing Persians; the '300' of the title comes from the crack band of soldiers who rode to meet the tens of thousands of enemy who were approaching and held them in mortal combat at a valley which prevented the enemy's numbers being the deciding factor...

As the hero screams at the end of the trailer 'this is the battle where few stood against the many!' and their actions are said to have inspired all of Greece to band together against the Persians, and helped usher in the world's first democracy...

Factoring '300' on my must see list for 2007... See the trailer here: promo-trailer



Darkmatters: H O M E

Matt experiences Time Of The Wolf (Le Temps du Loup)

Time of the Wolf / Le Temps du Loup (15)
Dir. Michael Haneke

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

This just in from France…

A naked boy prepares to leap into a roaring fire – hoping that he is one of the 36 ‘Justs’.

A mother and her children struggle to come to terms with the brutal slaying of their husband / father at the hands of a rifle toting stranger they find in their holiday home.

The water supply across the land has become tainted leading to social breakdown and anarchic behaviour as the populace turn on each other in a starkly pessimistic future.

Meanwhile a young man watches the developments at makeshift refugee camp where a small band of hopeful people have set up a mini community and wait for the coming of a train…

Yes France eh? Great place!! And I’m maybe just saying that in the light of a wicked summer holiday at Le Pas Opton (Spring Harvest Holiday’s finest English enclave – in the wild Vendée not far from the superb beaches of St. Gilles Croix-De-Vie…) slurping chilled rose and munching rare burger galettes in the French sunshine with my family…

But enough happiness, Time of the Wolf or Le Temps du Loup if you’re that way inclined is an enigmatic audience splitter of sombre social dislocation in the near future by Michael ‘Hidden / Cache’ Haneke.

It isn’t an easy night’s viewing - think a much more culturally obscure 28 Days Later without the zombies and you might be close. There is very little action, some seriously kooky dialogue and for every ‘cool’ shot or set up it feels like you have to wade through half an hour of exposition and art house flights of distraction.

I think the always funky Ed Gonzalez who writes for the excellent Slant Magazine summed it up best when he said: “Haneke's austere images depict terrified citizens of the world clinging to the feckless logic of the modern world even as the film's unspecified darkness pummels them into a lawless vortex.” – so now you know…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öö – Plodding but beguiling
Laughs ö – Unless you find grim French people funny?
Horror ööö – Death and what looks like live horse slaughter
Babes öö – All a grimy and in need of a bath!

Overall ööö (a better experience than the sum of its parts)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: DOA: Dead or Alive

DOA: Dead or Alive (15)
Dir. Corey Yuen

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Prepare yourself. Only those blessed with very special appreciation skills will find enlightenment in DOA: Dead or Alive. For in accordance with the ancient Xbox prophecy: “The hottest babes in Christendom will come forth clad in bikinis and fight in slow motion for about an hour and half. Then shall the males of the world remember to breathe again and return to their places of habitat primed for some serious joystick action...”
Yes – DOA is the computer game(s) of the same name made flesh and in a level of inspired casting possibly never to be equaled the ‘flesh’ in question belongs to the smokin hot Holly Valance, Sarah Carter, Devon Aoki and Jaime Pressly. Oh there are a couple of guys in it too but they are just bit parts, especially so called villain Donovan (played ineptly by Eric Roberts – brother of Julia no less).
DOA is all about ‘girl power’ and it expresses this through lingering shots of the nubile combatants as they compete in clandestine tournament to find the world’s best fighter. You might wonder how this works in terms of cinematic style, tone, vision and ambience – I think the words of my esteemed nineteen year old friend Tom who’s studying at Cambridge answers those questions in full: “Best Film Ever!”
Director Corey ‘The Transporter’ Yuen certainly takes his job of recreating the deeply mysterious nature of the pixelated fighting / beach volleyball simulations seriously here. There may never have been a martial arts actioner more blatantly designed to please red blooded males but at least it doesn’t try to be anything other than ‘House of the Flying Bikinis’. There are no real redeeming features apart from the sheer novelty factor of seeing scenes like when Holly Valance’s thief character Christie manages to take out a whole squad of police officers whilst putting on her underwear. It’s challenging stuff I tell you.
You’ll have undoubtedly already some idea by now if this is the sort of thing you want to witness on the big screen – but as computer game adaptations go, this is one of the most faithful (and probably lucrative).
For those looking for something other than hot women in bikinis beating the living daylights out of each other – you might want to try ‘Children of Men’ the new Clive Owen starring near future shock tale where mankind has become sterile (more on this next week).

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öööö – Butts get kicked 
Laughs öö – Not a laugh riot unless you're trying to take it seriously
Horror öö – No blood, nothing too grim actually


Overall either öööö (if you're a fan of the games)
or öö (if you don't 'get' videogames or films based on them)



Leighton Meester

Darkmatters: H O M E