Simpsons... on PS3

"you've got to love this take off of the 'Medal of Honour' games"

First bit of artwork I've seen from the upcoming new Simpsons game (multiformat but I'll be getting the PS3 version)...

With incidental little jokes like this in it - looks like it might be very very cool!

Black Snake Moan - Review

Black Snake Moan (15)
Dir. Craig Brewer

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“I think... I think we’re f*cked up. I know I am. But that don't mean what I feel ain't real, that I can't love somebody. And I know what I done is real real bad, but um... … …
If you want to quit on me I understand….
But please don't.”

You look at the poster for Black Snake Moan and can’t quite believe what you see – is that a hot young white girl (Christina Ricci) chained up by grizzly looking black guy (Samuel L. Jackson)? Yes, yes it is…
And then maybe you see the trailer which features lots of Ricci wearing only a cut off t-shirt and skimpy panties whilst apparently spending the movie chained to Jackson’s radiator somewhere in the Deep South… Surely this must be some kind of dodgy, seedy exploitation flick – I thought perhaps I should investigate and report back to ahem ‘warn’ others about how dangerously depraved this film might be.
Then I read my esteemed film reviewer pal Bina’s review where she describes Black Snake Moan as: “a desperately sweet movie about unexpected friendship and redemption through the awesome medium of blues music… As emotional journeys go, Christina Ricci gives the performance of her career, and perhaps of the year.” And she’s right actually, well kind of…

There is a ton of misogynistic leering camerawork and probably more nymphomania, domestic style violence, swearing and random infidelity than will feature in any other film released this year but amazingly all that filth simply serves up the arena for a tale of true love and the painful confrontation of inner demons…
Black Snake Moan is the tale of Rae – a cute white trash nympho (played with sheer conviction by Ricci) who gets into all kinds of bother when her boyfriend Ronnie (Justin Timberlake) joins up and is posted off to Iraq. Before you can say ‘I wonder if she’ll stay faithful’ Rae is taking all comers trying to sate her turbo charged carnal appetites with any bloke who looks at her. This is a self-destructive young woman whose dangerous sexual hunger is a result of childhood abuse. It’s not long before she’s being beaten and left for dead in some country road – only to be found and taken in by blues aficionado Lazarus (Samuel L. Jackson).
As a Christian I was interested in Lazarus’s character – his motivation for chaining up his new young charge is to cleanse her of her ‘wickedness’. Can bible based benevolence save a wanton wild child such as her? Is there hope of redemption for a Lazarus’s broken spirit through his unorthodox attempt at chaste resurrection for his ‘captive’? Apparently there is – although I don’t think the ‘chaining people to radiators form of therapy’ is likely to catch on.

Black Snake Moan might be raw, exploitive and dripping sweaty heat from every pore but it also exhibits tenderness towards its protagonists and if you stay the course, you’ll leave the film having been challenged about relationships and self worth. Oh and Timberlake is great in his weak dysfunctional role which is a million miles away from his tough kid persona in Alpha Dog – damn it looks like he’s actually turning out to be decent actor…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö – beatings and shaggings and bible readings etc
Laughs öö – limited mirth
Horror ööö – disturbing in parts
Babes öööö – Ricci is a sensation

Overall ööö1/2 (more to it than meets the eye)


"Christina Ricci - trying the Daisy Duke look"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Thud!

Thud! – Book and Game
By Terry Pratchett

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Discworld eh? I used to be a bit of a fan of these fantasy novels – and I confess that I still like the idea of them but had lost track of the series because there are 30+ of them now...
So there I am minding my own business – looking for to satiate one of my compulsions by finding a new strategy war game (am a fan of chess but an even bigger fan of The Viking Game / Hnefatafl)… If you haven’t played it I urge to track down a set / try an online game…
Then it happened – THUD! – hits me like a Troll club to the back of the head!?
Terry Pratchett proves himself to be a bit of a canny bastard by launching a spin off Viking Game clone based on his discworld novel Thud!… And as it turns out the game is decent but the book just OK.
Plotwise it’s all about the ancient battle of Koom Valley, where Dwarfs and the Trolls went to war. Ankh-Morpork Police Commander Samuel Vimes can smell trouble as the anniversary of the battle threatens to tear the city apart in a Dwarf / Troll carnage…
I found it hard to make the trip back to Discworld having not read many of the previous books (one of my ‘even geekier’ mates - who asked not to be named online – has read them all and told me that they were humorous but not laugh-out-loud funny) and that’s kind of how I found Thud!
Alas it wasn’t enough to make me want to read any more Discworld books, but I will be playing Thud! the game for the foreseeable future… Bonus.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - review

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (12a)
Dir. Gore Verbinski

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Yo ho ho and a bottle of ‘um, wait a minute – haven’t we seen all this somewhere before?’
Here it is, the third and potentially final Pirates of the Caribbean sails into cinemas all guns blazing, all timbers shivering and all expectations resting on it redeeming the swashbuckling fun series that faltered a little with last year’s Dead Man’s Chest.
As devious Pirate Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) states at one point: “Everything we've ever done has lead to this…”
It’s no secret that ‘At World’s End’ brings everybody’s favourite pirate Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) back from his perilous departure at the end of the last movie, in fact just about everyone is back. Marvel at the slightly less useless Will Turner (Orlando ‘not sure I’m ever going to convince as a leading man’ Bloom) and the sexiest pirate fancier ever to walk the plank - Elizabeth Swann (Keira ‘nobody else could look this good in grimy pirate outfit’ Knightley) who are now allied with one time enemy Barbossa and the mystical Tia Dalma (Naomie Harris).
New additions include several more Pirate Captains such as Sao Feng (Chow Yun-Fat) and Captain Teague (a brilliant cameo by Keith Richards) but what you probably want to know is - does it deliver the goods?
Well me hearties – kind of… At World's End is a darker and less comically pleasing adventure than the previous two. The grimmer tone is set from the opening mass executions which might prove disturbing for – well, anyone actually and it takes a while to recover. There are at least a couple of quality mirthful moments (courtesy of Jack Sparrow of course), just don’t go expecting a laugh-a-thon. What I was looking forward to most was the promised titanic sea battle where every pirate must make a stand not only for their lives and fortunes, but the entire future of the freedom-loving Pirate way. Alas this was just one of many scenes that didn’t deliver all I was hoping; in fact Pirates 3 turns out to be just an OK (if much too long) film when it could have been an excellent one. Think muddled Matrix 3 more than fun Spiderman 3…
Having said that – you probably do want know if Will can save his dad from the dastardly Davy Jones? Has Captain Jack finally bitten off more than he can chew in coming back from the dead? And yes, someone finally gets the girl but who will it be?
Only one way to find out…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö – not enough, and what there is feels 'recycled'
Laughs öö – not enough!! come on... Sparrow is one of the funniest characters ever but wasted here
Horror ööö – more than expected, what was all that hanging about?
Babes öööö – Keira ‘nobody else could look this good in grimy pirate outfit’ Knightley

Overall ööö (It's OK, but it could have been great)


"all the girls love a pirate... especially the daper Jack Sparrow it seems!?"


"me? I'll settle for the gorgeous miss knightley - this is very much her film!"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Zodiac - review

Zodiac (15)
Dir. David Fincher

Reviewed by Matt Adcock


Dear Herald & Post editor...
This is the Zodiac speaking, I have been observing the behaviour of several people in your area. You will be sad to hear that they are now dead and if you have any interest in preserving the people of your town I insist that you try to find me… Perhaps a good move would be to venture to the local picture house where you will surely flinch when you see my acts of utmost brutality depicted larger than life on the big screen.
You will however not catch me as I am far too clever, the film about me will mess with your head and may lead you in many directions before giving you enough evidence for you to draw your conclusions as to my identity.
Zodiac (great title for my film) is expertly crafted, well acted and dripping with oppressive tension as you might expect from master director David ‘Seven’ Fincher. Mark Ruffalo and Robert Downey Jr. produce outstanding work, giving their characters heavyweight presence and deliciously believable quirks. The only minor niggle might be that it takes over two and a half hours to explore my tale but that surely only speaks masses as to how obsessed the film makers became with my ruthless and sadistic reign of terror. And I object to the implication that I might not have actually been the mass killer I took credit for – nobody should doubt my unhinged dedication to my campaign against rational humankind. There are scenes in this film that get so scary they are liable to give you heart palpitations. The plot takes up the story of Jake Gyllenhaal’s Robert Graysmith – a cartoonist at the San Francisco Chronicle (although I think he might have moved the Biggleswade Chronicle now). This likeable hack became completely fixated with tracking me down, he simply would not let go of the trail even after the cops had all but given up. It is a fascinating tale that shows there is more than one way to lose your life to a killer… But who wouldn’t feel the need to stand there, to look me in the eye and know that you’ve found the psychotic enemy of the people. But you never will – despite the compelling evidence pointing towards one suspect, the investigation into my crime spree is still filed as ‘open’ - so if this film inspires you to take up pursuit of me, I’ll be waiting...

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö – something wicked this way comes
Laughs ö – couple of amusing quirky bits but if the person watching this starts giggling - run!!
Horror öööö – nasty murders and pervading menace
Babes öö – limited babeness on offer

Overall öööö1/2 (watch this - I'm watching you)

Darkmatters: H O M E

28 Weeks Later - review

28 Weeks Later (18)
Dir. Juan Carlos Fresnadillo

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Caution: there might be some out there who will not enjoy 28 Weeks Later…
They are people who do not want to experience gut wrenching, nerve shredding action / horror that rips up the mantra that sequels are never as good as the original…
28 Weeks Later is a direct continuation of the events set in motion by the cracking Brit zombie reinvention ‘28 Days Later’ from 2002. The good news is that this is bigger, better and more compulsive viewing in just about every way. Just when it looks like the worst is over, the Rage virus rears its vicious, blood drooling, flesh craving head again in Britain. New hero Don (Robert Carlyle) and his wife (Catherine McCormack) are holed up in a remote farmhouse, trying to lay low whilst the rest of the country tears each others brains out. But it seems that nobody is safe and before you can say ‘look out for those ravenous demented zombies’ even the newly repopulated area of London which is now under martial control by our dear US Military chums finds itself torn apart as hell breaks loose… again...
Juan ‘Intacto’ Carlos Fresnadillo picks up the directorial reigns from Danny Boyle and he brings all of his Spanish flair that made Intacto such a classic to this nitrous-fuelled rollercoaster of a horror that will tear your soul apart.
Carlyle does the business – capturing a wonderful level of pathos as the husband tormented by his cowardice and his central character is a worthy follow up to Cillian Murphy’s in the original. Undisputed star this time though is newcomer Imogen Poots – who despite her amusing name manages to be absolutely captivating in her role as Don’s daughter. Male cinema goers (including mate John who I saw this with) are liable to immediately loose their hearts to this hot upcoming actress who turns 18 this year.
28 Weeks Later contains scenes that will make you choke on your popcorn in sheer excitement mixed with nervous tension. The stand out scene has to be the best ever ‘escape from a horde of zombies through gratuitous use of helicopter’ – this is an eighteen rated film for very good reason.
I won’t bore you with some plot mapping against the War on Terror analogy – this is a horror action sequel in the same vein as Aliens and yes I know that’s high praise but 28 Weeks Later really delivers.
No review would be adequate without bigging up the unforgettable, sweat inducing musical score by John Murphy which cunningly remixes the anthem from ‘28 Days Later’ and builds it into a pitch perfect companion to the on screen action.
Fresnadillo is a red eyed, sharp toothed major talent to watch and he should be applauded for creating easily the best horror film of 2007 so far.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öööö – heavy duty gore soaked and hugely enjoyable
Laughs öö – there are some amusing scenes
Horror öööö – strong horror in places and general dread throughout
Babes öööö – Poots is gorgeous and has potential to be the next 'big Brit thing'

Overall öööö1/2 (a must see for fans of extreme horror action)


"... as she was in V for Vendetta"


"Imogen Poots stars - Keira Knightley watch your back - a new hot brit talent has arrived"


"Our US 'chums' decide to napalm bomb most of London including the tube network - the only way to be sure I guess"

"Love this poster too - this film is cult classic already!"

Darkmatters: H O M E

The Gospel According To Chris Moyles - review

The Gospel According To Chris Moyles
Reviewed by Matt Adcock

In the aftermath of most unsettling events, there follows what has been termed 'Contagious Dead Time'. Cracks that exist in our perception of reality become strained, allowing strange and uncomprehending drips of anti sanity to seep into our conscious realm. So there’s this scratching on my subconscious – and it started when I read The Gospel According To Chris Moyles: The Story Of A Man And His Mouth… And now I’m freaking out – is Moyles really the fabled ‘Saviour of Radio One’?

The Gospel According To Chris Moyles certainly backs up his self professed radio wave messianic claim and the book is such a light read that you can tear through it in a couple of hours.
I have to admit that I like the big mouthed, Leeds United supporting, brash and provocative DJ. He makes me laugh when I catch him on the radio and the book feels very much like he’s managed to rip out a bit of himself (possibly by a bout of intense self mutilation).

The good stuff is where he talks about his life, his various radio jobs up to and including Radio One and the genuinely amusing anecdotes. The bad stuff is the inane name dropping and brown nosing to the various stars he’s interviewed etc…

If you hate Moyles it’s debatable as to whether this book will change your mind – it’s too much ‘him’ dripping from every page – but for those who are either fans or count yourself amongst the few people who might not have come across him, you could do much worse than slip this onto your reading list. It doesn’t claim to be anything more than it is – it’s the story of the man and his mouth…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Overall ööö1/2 (he really is the saviour)


"caution: this book might make you dig Moyles..."

Darkmatters: H O M E

Goya’s Ghosts - review

Goya’s Ghosts (15)
Dir. Milos Forman

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!!
- Especially not to turn up on an unseasonably chilly evening in the wilds of Luton… But that is where I found them and it wasn’t long before they were up to their old tricks of abducting, torturing and condemning the heretic hoards, well Natalie Portman at least…
This weird and occasionally wonderful tale of one of the most erm, well, weird and occasionally wonderful painters ever is directed by Milos ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest’ Forman (who has form for this kind of lavish historical romp with his excellent Amadeus). Goya’s Ghosts or ‘Fantasmas de Goya’ to give it it’s authentic Spanish title covers a torrid period of Spanish history where they suffer at the hands of the evil and hypocritical Inquisition and then suffer some more when Napoleon decides to invade. It might not be very ‘feel good’ stuff but it’s brought to vivid and passionate life by a classy cast including Natalie Portman, Javier Bardem and Stellan Skarsgard.
Key to the plot is the twisted and staggeringly malicious Brother Lorenzo (Bardem) who is having his portrait painted by Goya (a nicely weighted performance by Skarsgard conveying both his mischievous nature and his virtuousness). The two men’s lives are rocked by the shapely form of Ines (Natalie Portman) Goya’s muse with an angel’s face but a body liable to ignite the lustful desires of even the most zealous monk – ahem, Lorenzo – I’m looking at you here.
Portman is delightful, handling her difficult role well – the torture scenes are especially grim and she also plays the equally beguiling illegitimate daughter of Ines towards the end of the film. But having been imprisoned by the Inquisition for supposedly being a Jew, Ines suffers terribly at the hands of the wicked monks and Lorenzo in particular. This is despite the noble actions of Goya but she is left to rot for fifteen years and is only freed when the French take over.
Goya’s Ghosts delivers much to be admired but doesn’t quite match the power or the wonder of Forman’s earlier classics. In the end you might find that the film simply whets your appetite and makes you want to find out more about the enigmatic Goya. The opening and closing title credits are a fantastic gallery of the painter’s work, which for me, are worth the price of admission on their own…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öö – sufficient but not masses
Laughs öö – some amusing scenes
Horror ööö – nude torture and some grimness
Babes ööö – Portman, yes please (apart from after 15 years in jail!)

Overall öö1/2 (competent but not stunning)


"viva la France... eh?"


"I told you - I'm not into that kinky monk torture stuff..."

Darkmatters: H O M E

Spider-Man 3 - review

Spider-Man 3 (12A)
Dir. Sam Raimi

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Spider sense tingling… something cool has arrived… something that is going to make comic book fans very very happy…
Yes Spiderman is back back back and this time he’s in for treble trouble. Facing off against three dangerous enemies, struggling to balance his love life and cope with the malignant effects of a cool new black suit, which brings out his darkest impulses.
What this adds up to is over two hours of high velocity web-slinging action, heart breaking emotion and tragedy and even some wicked humour – all in all quite possibly the best comic book movie yet.
Director Sam Raimi returns and maintains the pleasing character-driven narrative from the first two films, if you’ve seen either then this one immediately feels right and you can jump right into the action. This time however the tension is ratcheted up to new heights thanks to Spidey having to face so many new challenges. As Peter Parker, Toby Maguire is still trying to make it work with his childhood sweetheart Mary-Jane (the delicious Kirsten Dunst) – can they make to happily ever after? But as his alter Spider-empowered ego he is busy riding a wave of public affection, wrapped up in himself to the point that he is in danger of alienating the woman he cares most about.
Of course every super-hero needs his quota of super villains and Spider-Man 3 has some of the best – first up is Harry Osborn (James Franco) back as the New Goblin, still looking to avenge his father’s death. Then there’s Flint Marko (Thomas Haden Church) who also goes by the name ‘Sandman’ – owing to the fact that he is literally made of sand. Finally there is fan boy favourite Venom (Topher Grace) – a fanged dark spider space symbiotic suit that wreaks all manner of nastiness. Speaking of which, Spider-Man 3 doesn’t actually get too grim which allows for a wide viewing audience but does mean that Venom has to pull his punches somewhat.
This is by far the funniest of the 3 Spider films too with several seriously comedic scenes – pick of which is an awesome Bruce Campbell cameo as a completely over the top Maître d’…
Everything about Spider-Man 3 is really top notch – the cast are great, the special effects redefine what it is possible to realise on screen and the comic book action kicks butt.
This could be the end of Spider-Man – but let’s hope not!!

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öööö – stomping but age appropriate
Laughs ööö – some cracking funny scenes
Horror öö – dark but not too grim
Babes ööö – Dunst is yummy and so is Bryce Dallas Howard

Overall öööö1/2 (Spiderman set to rule the Summer of '07)


"everyone looks good in black..."

Darkmatters: H O M E

God of War 2 vs Lord of the Rings Online

Been up 3 days - awake awake...

Playing these 2 new very very cool games:

1. Lord of the Rings Online: Shadow of Angmar


Lord of the Rings Online: kick some high def bear ass!!

My review here: http://www.frankthemonkey.com/game_full_review.php?page=340

2. God of War II


"Hi, I'm the God of War... again!!"

My review here: http://www.frankthemonkey.com/game_full_review.php?page=341

Pathfinder - review

Pathfinder (15)
Dir. Marcus Nispel

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

If you love exciting action movies that feature heavy-duty battles, heroic against the odds bravery and cool mist shrouded visuals then you’d probably be keen to witness Pathfinder… Unfortunately this blood soaked wannabe battle epic of Vikings versus Native Americans delivers nothing but crushing disappointment so don’t get your hopes up!
It starts well enough and certainly gives a good revisiting of Norse warriors pillaging and slaughtering all who they come across. But before you can say ‘why is all so muddled and dark?’ the action degenerates into a muddled dark mess and the plot loses its way (which is a bit ironic given the name of the film).
When the lights came up after 99 minutes of frankly dull Viking bashing antics my friend Ian and I were left shaking our heads and wondering how such a cool concept had managed to be so weak. It isn’t the fault of Karl ‘Eomer from Lord of the Rings’ Urban who plays the hero; an abandoned Viking child brought up as one of their own by the American Natives who call him ‘Ghost’ due to his pale skin. If you could tell what the hell he’s doing it’s entirely possible that Ghost could have been a big screen hero of note. Alas though even when taking on huge bloodthirsty Viking warlords, the combination of too tight camera angles, murky blue/grey film tint and ever present mist mean that you don’t get any chance to be impressed – in fact the fight scenes in Pathfinder are criminally unexciting as a result.
I’ve witnessed more raw emotion and crunching Viking violence playing the chess like board game Hnefatafl, also known as The Viking Game… Nothing in this film is more than average and the risible script is likely to win the ‘most leaden and altogether gibberish dialogue in a movie’ Oscar should they decide to award one…
I don’t think you’re supposed to feel sorry for the monstrous Norse invaders who look like the supporting act from a Korn gig but it’s hard not to when they get little more to do than glare at the camera and die stupidly. The awesome ‘300’ managed to show that superficial but visually wondrous battles can be excellent entertainment, Pathfinder however demonstrates that slow-motion mud drenched gory close-ups are just dull.
Let’s hope this fumble of a movie is a one off and that director Nispel can redeem himself with his next project - a dark reworking of Alice in Wonderland.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö – there might even be more but you can't really tell
Laughs öö – yeah, at the script
Horror ööö – nasty in places
Babes ö – Pocahontas doesn't really do it for me

Overall öö1/2 (wasted effort drips from the screen)



"this might be exciting if you could see what was going on!!"

Darkmatters: H O M E

This is ENGLAND - review

This is England (18)
Dir. Shane Meadows

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Come back to a time, not so long ago when Britain was at war, society was barely holding together in the face of suspicion and intolerance and violent gangs roamed the streets. Yes, 1983, a year when young men were divided into two main groups, there were those who wore their hair long and went for make up in a big way and there were others who shaved off their hair, strapped on Doctor Martin’s boots and embraced a westernised version of Ska / reggae culture.As a big fan of Dead Man’s Shoes and Once Upon A Time in the Midlands it was with high expectations that I went to witness This is England, I came away stunned and impressed, moved and shaken. This is England is director Meadows’ most powerful, subversive and altogether riveting slice of film to date, he captures basic human emotion and fuses the warm ‘80s glow of recent nostalgia through a lens of brooding violent tension and social degeneration.It is the tale of Shaun – a young lad who has lost his father to the Falklands war and is trapped by his overly protective mother in a life of poverty and hand me down clothes. Teased and bullied at school, Shaun is desperate for a male role model, a champion and a friend and he finds all these in Woody (a nicely wrought turn by Joseph Gilgun) – surrogate leader of the local skinhead posse. Woody takes a shine to Shaun and brings him into his little gang; these skinheads don’t appear to be the racist hate filled scum that their social grouping would have you initially imagine. Sure they are into some antisocial damage of property for kicks but at heart these guys and their made up to look like alien sex beast girlfriends are OK.Things change however when Combo (a powerhouse performance by Stephen Graham) the former leader of the gang returns from a stretch inside. Combo is a complex character and it is full credit to Graham that he plays him with a pot on emotionally damaged credibility, he has bought into the BNP racist mantra that ‘England is being taken over by Asians’ and that ‘something has to be done about it’. The group splits because Woody refuses to go down this dark path, Shaun is caught in the middle not knowing whether to follow Woody or stick with the dangerous but charismatic Combo. This is England walks the viewer along a knife edge of tension, and whilst the coming of age experiences play to a universal idea of what teenage life is like, the stalking nihilism and splicing of archive TV footage echo the French masterpiece ‘La Haine’ and mean that when the shocking violent climax kicks off – you can say that you saw it coming. Newcomer Thomas Turgoose who plays Shaun is just amazing and he brings a heartfelt poignancy to the central role which I’m sure many more accomplished actors would have struggled to convey. The film overall is a bittersweet experience but one that I think is highly necessary - the words ‘must see’ should ultimately accompany any conversation about This is England.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö – not an action film but nice build up
Laughs ööö – genuines laughs to be found
Horror öööö – very nasty at points
Babes ööö – under the 'boy george' look they're quite cute

Overall öööö1/2 (This is Excellent)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Curse of the Golden Flower - review

Curse of the Golden Flower (15)
Dir. Zhang Yimou

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Curse Of The Golden Flower, or ‘Man cheng jin dai huang jin jia’ to give it its catchy original Chinese title, is a mind melting tale of intrigue, honour and serious family unrest from the opulent tenth century Tang Dynasty.
From the maker of the excellent Hero and heartbreakingly beautiful House of the Flying Daggers – Golden Flower is the largest in scale of his loose trilogy. This is your golden ticket to take a trip behind the closed ninja guarded doors of the Emperor Ping’s secret court and get to meet his not so happy family. Think East Enders but in a royal palace, where poisoning, plotting and hand-to-hand combat are everyday occurrences. It’s a dizzying, dazzling visual experience that is likely to stay with you as long as you live… Everything here is hyper-real and it certainly throws down the gauntlet to all other ‘spectacle’ films this year - as few will manage to match this for sheer over the top elaborateness.
The gorgeous Gong Li stars as the bitter Empress who is being purposefully driven insane by her husband even as she plots to overthrow him and have her favoured son Crown Prince Wan (Ye Liu) replace him. And when I say ‘favoured’ I must warn you that this is a mother / son relationship that has gone incestuously and dangerously awry.
So when Prince Jai (Jay Chou) returns home for Festival of Chrysanthemums, things escalate to a violent head involving a climatic assault on the palace by thousands of armoured warriors in a true battle royal.
What Curse of the Golden Flower doesn’t have is as many action scenes as ‘Hero’ or ‘Daggers’ did and without these powerhouse regular adrenalin bursts it does feel a bit of an emotional slog at points. Having said that, the few battle sequences on offer here are really excellent (especially the ‘flying ninja pursuit’ and final showdown) but if you’re expecting two hours of butt kicking you’ll be sadly disappointed.
Golden Flower is probably best described as a violent docudrama tragedy which plays out like an oriental Shakespeare play. The combination of memorable visuals, a cunningly twisted plot and masses of exposition make this an Eastern epic oddity that deserves to be witnessed on the big screen but may not follow it’s brethren so quickly into your DVD collection…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):
Action ööö – great but sparodic
Laughs öö – some amusing intrigue
Horror ööö – gets bloody on parts
Babes ööö – some fine bodice wearing concubines

Overall ööö1/2 (bloated but powerful)

Darkmatters: H O M E

PS3 Resistance: Fall of Man - review

Resistance: Fall of Man (15) PS3

Published by Insomniac Games

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

What if World War 2 never happened, suppose that instead of Nazis extermination squads and death camps something even less pleasant happened along… No – I haven’t subscribed to the Mel Gibson school of alternate historical viewing - what I’m talking about is the ‘free world’ facing an onslaught of horrific monsters intent on our extermination / conversion to their many eyed and multiple fanged ranks. I’m talking about a race of creatures called The Chimera – ugly predators with swarms of face sucking bugs and weapon wielding storm troopers backed up by a variety of walking spider like tanks and weird mech variations… And of course only one man can save the human race – and he’s a Yank soldier who has been airlifted into an overrun England to make a stand against the Chimera hellspawn and try to turn the tide of a battle which looks already lost. If you have a PS3 and buy Resistance: Fall of Man, then you can be that man - Nathan Hale is his name and wiping out mutant enemy scum with many assorted and highly satisfying weapons is his game!
Resistance for me pips Call of Duty 3 as the premier first-person shooter (FPS) to grace the PS3 (at least for a few more weeks until the PS3 gets its F.E.A.R. conversion). It looks and plays superbly, which shouldn’t be a big surprise as it comes from Insomniac ‘Ratchet and Clank’ games. It really does feel suitably ‘next gen’ too, as you’ll realise long before enjoying the chaotic mayhem of a 20 vs 20 online multiplayer battles. Resistance shows off some very nice PS3 graphical horsepower with incidental details such as bullet ricochets and glass fracturing, readable flyers posted to walls and amazing ‘heat shimmer’ from burning wreckage all coming as standard.
Whilst the basic one against many shoot everything nasty looking / move to next location and repeat action isn’t very new - it is highly refined. The PS3 Sixaxis adopts the standard console FPS controls, left stick to move and right to aim, shoulder triggers fire your weapon's primary and alternate death bringing modes. The cool motion sensor in the Sixaxis allows you to literally ‘shake off’ the Chimera creatures that will attempt to make babies with your face in an Alien style moment of pure panic inducing nastiness. Online shake your Sixaxis to put yourself out should you get lit up on fire by a flame-thrower wielding enemy…

What I liked best about Resistance though has to be the weapons… Cool, meaty and satisfying to use, plus to Nathan’s unfeasibly large pockets you can carry every new weapon you find, i.e. a powerful arsenal of automatic, energy and bomb style weapons, most of which benefit from having genuinely fun alternate-firing modes. Personal favourites include the ‘Bullseye’ which allows you to tag an enemy, laugh mercilessly as all of your shots home in on their ass even if firing in the opposite direction, and the ‘Auger’, a large caliber gun that can shoot through walls and throw up a force field to protect you... As Borat might say ‘I Like!!’ Also there are some bonus weapons to unlock once you have beaten the single player campaign which allows you to play again with differing tactics.
The enemy A.I. is decent and they can regenerate their life by hiding and resting in the same way that you can so it’s vital to make sure to ‘finish them off’ as you progress unless you want to get swamped.

Resistance's online multiplayer mode is seriously impressive too – even more so considering that this is a launch title. You will make new friends (and enemies) online in no time!!

What else can I say? If you’ve ever fancied some high octane gun action in beautifully rendered, realistic environments against nasty enemies who are as ugly as they are smart… Choose Resistance - you owe it to yourself, I’ll see you online!!!

Oh and there's more Resistance coming in the form of additional maps and play modes... And because this has been the best selling of all the PS3 launch titles, there's a very strong chance that we will fighting our way through Resistance: Fall of Man 2 before too long... Bring it!!

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

öööö1/2 (Heavy duty, quality first person warfare)


"come on then..."


"Eat this!!!!!!"

Links

Another cool Resistance review here: Spong.com

Read my other PS3 game reviews:

Blazing Angels

MotorStorm

PS3 initial reaction / review

Darkmatters: H O M E

CARTER USM - Hitting the UK one more time baby!!

"20 years since they formed, 10 years since they split..."

CarterUSM - still love love love em - got my tickets booked, this will be a night to remember!!

Am very excited (hoping this lives up to the awesome PWEI reformation gig my review here: This was PWEI - wise up suckers)...

Mike if you're reading this - have bagged you a ticket!

Links:

How much do I love Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine?

http://www.carterusm.co.uk/

Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine

Photo of me wearing a Carter T Shirt published in The Guardian

Blazing Angels: Squadrons of WWII - PS3 Review

Blazing Angels: Squadrons of WWII
Published by Ubisoft

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Arrgghhh – they’re all over me!! Multiple bogeys – every which way I turn, I’m pretty torn up and I don’t think I can shake ‘em… Maybe if I lead them in a suicidal dive through a heavy barrage of anti air flak? – To quote Han Solo “They’d have to be mad to follow”… With a swift tilt of the Sixaxis I’m barrel rolling into the cloud of AA fire, my machine guns blazing – enemy fighters are dropping left and right – for the first time I begin to allow myself to think that I might just make it...
Welcome to the Second World War’s Battle of Britain – from the inside of the cockpit! Yes Blazing Angels is a PS3 port of a game that has been available for over a year on Xbox 360 and PC, but that doesn’t stop it being an absolute blast to play (and they have thrown in extra content like 10 extra planes, a couple of extra missions, a new (exclusive) multiplayer mode, and the ability to fly your plane with the Sixaxis tilt controls).

This is your chance to pilot 50 authentic World War II aircraft, from the P-51 Mustang to the redoubtable Spitfire – it has an agreeable arcade style of game play that you can pick up in seconds but may find hard to put down as this version is blessed with a lot of ‘just one more go’ factor… Graphically the PS3 incarnation is the best yet – although being a port the developers haven’t bothered to sort out the occasional frame rate drops which are annoying when you notice them.
Flying by tilting the PS3 controller is a funky way to rule the skies and works better than I thought it would, the Sixaxis controller definitely needs to have rumble put back in for version 2 – Come on Sony, get these on the market ASAP!! - but if they keep making the most of motion sensitive game elements (flOw and Super Rub-a-dub are other great examples) then the ‘This is living’ claim of the PS3 marketing machine is starting to be an accurate description of innovative game design…
Single player bombing, torpedoing and dog fighting missions get progressively harder and the sense of team play in multiplayer (16 at once) aerial dogfights is great – although if they’re working on Blazing Angels 3: Supersonic Air Superiority it would be nice to have voice chat included too.

Overall this is a slick, solid game that will delight plane fans, and sits nicely alongside the awesome ground based Resistance: Fall of Man – the PS3 might be outnumbered world wide by Xbox 360 at a ratio of 3:1 but if it keeps on improving games made on the rival machine alongside adding it’s own unique exclusives, Microsoft should be looking over their shoulders and barrel rolling!!

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

ööö1/2 (chocs away!!)

Darkmatters: H O M E

The Woods 2 - review

The Woods 2 (TBC)
Dir. Paul Wade

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

'The Woods' was a little known cult Brit horror film of the lowest possible budget variety- made by a renegade production company known only as ‘Wade Bros Productions’…

It was a messy, amateur effort - pretty poor to be honest - but it did have grains of potential and the mysterious Wade Bros obviously felt there was still a lot more to explore with the mythology they created (and when I say created I obviously mean ‘ripped off’) with their strange woods phenomenon.
And so, as is often the case, a sequel has been made...

Here's the plot synopsis (from the Editor and Star Tom Wade’s Blog): “After being chased, mauled and left for dead in the 1st terrifying 'Woods,' the drifter (Simon Wade) now takes up the mantle of 'The Woodsman.' Along with fellow Woodsmen (Paul and Dylan Wade) they rage terror like never witnessed before on innocents who happen to stray in their path. Following the death of his brother and pet dog at the hands of such creatures, special agent Mack Power (Tom Wade) sets off to confront the creatures one last time...”So I hastily seeked out the 2nd film in the potential money spinning franchise which is 'The Woods'.

Man, The Woods 2 is not just a bigger, nastier, louder and longer version, this is like Evil Dead 2 and 3 blended together – just with more half naked Wade brothers running about the woods than malevolent evil dead… But hopefully you get the idea!? Everything is a step up from the first movie – not least the levels of violence, nudity and erm, running through the woods…

Poster quote:
“The Woods 2 is the sickest, most disturbing movie I’ve seen in the last half an hour…” Matt Adcock – Darkmatters

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):
Action ööö – half naked hill billies run amok
Laughs öööö – I found it hilarious but that might just be my sense of humour!
Horror ööö – graphic it ain't, but the implied mutilation is certainly unsettling
Babes ö – I don’t fancy any of the cast members…

Overall ööö1/2 (horror fans should seek this out on YOU TUBE)

Or find it here: Tomwade.blogspot.com


"they don't call this guy 'special' agent Mack Power for nothing...

- he has special needs... and a gun!"

Darkmatters: H O M E...

I Stare INTO OBLIVION - Funeral For A Friend are back!!

Into Oblivion - Funeral For A Friend...

Don't think they're singing about the new stunning PS3 version of the massive RPG but the new track is awesome!!

Into Oblivion (Reunion) is released on 07 May... very very cool.



"F4AF's new track - as sexy as the long lost Anna F..."