DARKMATTERS - The Mind of Matt

You met me at a very strange time in my life...

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Darkmatters Review: G-Force



G-Force (PG)

Dir. Hoyt Yeatman

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (watched with my kids on a rainy afternoon)
ONE WORD SUMMATION: Rodentinfestation

Your attention please, there has been an outbreak of dangerously cute rodents in this area… We are tracking this multicell cluster storm of furballs as they approach your retinas in flash bang 3D. Be aware that although G-Force is a Disney-ish tale of super-intelligent critters who have been turned into spies to try and nail an criminal mastermind (Bill Nighy) – it’s also a Jerry Bruckheimer production, so buckle up for explosions and action all the way.

Despite sounding on paper like the worst idea for a film since ‘I spit on your grave 2: I sneeze on your grave and I’ve got Swine flu’ G-Force is actually mildly watchable, even if you hate guinea pigs. So we have the G-Force unit of hairy little blighters led by the amusingly named ‘Darwin’ (Sam Rockwell), Juarez (Penelope Cruz) and Blaster (Tracy Morgan) plus a freaky looking mole called Speckles (Nicolas Cage).

It seems that the world is in peril from ‘Clusterstorm’ a devious plan to use consumer electronics products to wipe out mankind by bringing them to life in Transformer style. The money scene for me was when a coffee machine tripped into evil robot and had to be taken down by the furry heroes – giving Darwin the chance for the best line of the film “Yippee-ki-yay, coffee maker!" – got to love a Die Hard reference even if none of the young kids in the audience have seen it…

The Black Eyed Peas must be willing to let anybody use their material – so we get several of their most recent tracks including the rather good ‘I’ve Got A Feeling’, alas the only feeling that you’ll have lingering after seeing G-Force is that ‘Damn, I’ve just wasted two hours of my life’…

Apparently the makers rendered 271,955,886,586 photorealistic hairs to make this film and the boss baddie (a giant robot) had 78,000 geometric pieces and 16,400,000 polygons – which I’m told is even more than they put in Transformers… Seems like a lot of effort for a very average return.

"I’m already expecting the pitter patter of tin y feet in a furry sequel soon… "

Darkmatters final rating of: ööööö (5 – mind numbing but good looking!)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 7 (you probably won’t see many films where the FBI chase guinea pigs!)

Style 6 (high definition hairs all over the place)

Babes 3 (too much body hair for my tastes…)

Comedy 6 (some laughs to be had)

Horror 6 (the fly character is a bit icky)

Spiritual Enlightenment 5 (don’t trust short sighted rodents)

4 comments:

123 123 said...

Nice story as for me. I'd like to read more concerning that topic. Thanx for posting that data.
The only thing your blog miss is such photo of sexy girl :)
Sexy Lady
High Class Escorts

Anonymous said...

Interesting blog as for me. It would be great to read a bit more concerning that matter. The only thing that blog misses is some photos of any gizmos.
John Kripke
Phone jammer

kiev escort tours said...

Really great story. Thank you for that publish. Maintain it up, you do a fantastic job.

Anonymous said...

There are many blogs which share hype about Darkmatters but I GOT COOL REVIEW HERE..

Kevin Jordan
Los Fresnos TX, USA
genie bra | nubrilliance

Tweet this...