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Saturday, January 14, 2006

Film Review: The Tesseract

The Tesseract (15)
Dir. Oxide Pang

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Here’s some advance science that you might need to get your head around if you’re going to take The Tesseract at face value (i.e. anything other than just pretentious bollox).

1. The tesseract is apparently a hypercube ‘unravelled’.

2. When you ‘unravel’ a square you get: a line, (two dimensions become one).

3, If do the same to a cube you get: a cross, (three dimensions become two).

4. Now… try it with a hypercube and you’ll find that it unravels to become a tesseract, (four dimensions become three).
- You’ll also find that the half decent novel by Alex ‘The Beach’ Garland and unravels to become a woolly, strange little film that fails to engage or amuse very much at all…

So this Englishman, female psychologist, young bellboy and a wounded female assassin walk into a Bankok bar… “Why the long face?” asks the bartender – “just watch this film we’re in“ they reply in unison… their fates cross and it all unfolds in or around a sleazy Bangkok hotel, or does it?

Erm, yes, yes it does but don’t forget though that a tesseract is ‘a hypercube unravelled’, which is to say it is a representation in three dimensions of a cube's four-dimensional equivalent – and you may well find your mind unravelling whilst watching this – causing thoughts like ‘why am I not watching something better instead?’ to circle in your brain… You see the complex criss-crossing of four strangers' lives through an achronological framework is actually a bit duff up on screen.

Darkmatt Rating: öö (You’ve got better things to do with your time)

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