Darkmatters Review: Colombiana

Colombiana (15)

Dir. Olivier Megaton

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

There’s something undeniably cool about having a smokin hot female assassin be an unstoppable killing machine – and Zoe Saldana delivers a great performance in the lead role of Cataleya, a female with a killer body and vengeance on her mind. We meet Cataleya back when she’s just nine, bad men come to her house and kill her parents – she flees and manages to get to the U.S. Embassy where she is given a passport in exchange for a memory card that which holds the data which the baddies want.

The action then jumps from Colombia to Chicago when Cataleya has grown up and honed her skills to become a walking death dealer. approaches Her ‘hits’ are very nicely staged – from getting herself locked up in the same cellblock as a target through to literally sending a baddie to ‘sleep with the fishes’ – this girl rocks some slick assassin moves and leaves a lipstick drawn picture of an Amazonian orchid (also called Cataleya) on the target’s chests.

"how to make an entrance!?"

Of course it isn’t long before her under cover operations draw unwanted attention and she has to move to the end game of finally getting revenge for her parents deaths. Cue corrupt CIA and dogged policeman tracking her down for different reasons plus mob cartel heavies coming and wiping out even her extended family – just we’re fully on her side when she dispatches them in the climactic assault on the big bosses lair.

Oliver Megaton (love his surname) brings the requisite frantic pace and jump cut style of filming, taking every chance to show off Saldana’s perfect butt in HD. This is a trashy, flashy movie that won’t change your world but will entertain greatly.

Colombiana delivers a good time of high-octane thrills and spills. It’s not quite up there with Leon in terms of Besson’s efforts but is a lot of violent escapist fun.

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööö1/2 

3.5 - sexy and deadly (great combination)

"Zoe Saldana... window dressing!?"

Darkmatters Review - Star Trek

Star Trek (12a)

Dir. JJ Abrams

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Whilst watching JJ ‘Lost’ Abrams’ reinvigoration of Star Trek, I felt a great disturbance in the Force… That’s because for me good sci-fi beginning with ‘Star’ should end in ‘Wars’ not ‘Trek’, so I’ve never had much time for the intergalactic Trekking of Kirk et al but I approached this with an open mind after having been impressed by the trailer. Two hours later my expectations had been set to ‘stunned’… This is Trek Jim, but not as we know it – we’re talking crowd pleasing action packed blockbuster of the highest order. It’s highly accessible; you won’t need a degree in Klingon or even require a working knowledge of the TV series (although there are lots of fan pleasing nods to the originals).

Abrams’ new Star Trek details the early years of one day legendary Captain James T Kirk (an engaging Chris Pine who has come a long way from tat like The Princess Diary 2). It turns out that Kirk was a rebel even as a youngster, his maverick credentials underlined by a great scene of him burning along in a stolen classic car to the thumping soundtrack of Beastie Boys’ Sabotage. Also on hand is the pointy eared Vulcan Spock (Zachary ‘Sylar from Heroes’ Quinto) who begins his long term friendship with Kirk by making his life hell.
The young cast are uniformly watchable, Zoe Saldana is a sizzling Uhura, Anton Yelchin’s Chekhov is genuinely funny, and Simon Pegg‘s Scotty is pure genius. Karl Urban's Dr ‘Bones’ McCoy walks a fine line of parody but the original Spock, Leonard Nimoy turns up and forms a great link between all that has gone before with an excellent extended cameo.

You can almost feel the tangible fun that the filmmakers had reinvigorating this franchise which had dropped to an all time low with the last film Star Trek X: Nemesis. Fist-fights, shoot-outs, daring do and even an obligatory green skinned alien temptress make this light speed ahead of the stodgy Star Wars prequels. Abrams has kept all the best stuff from before - warp drives, phasers, teleporting and even the classic Enterprise spaceship design, so fans of the original have little to complain about. This is quality that can stand toe-to-toe with the likes of the superb and much lauded recent Battlestar Galactica TV remake.
So if you only watch one sci-fi space epic this year, you should have no fear in boldly going where no ‘Trekkie’ has gone before… To mix metaphors, ‘The force is strong in this one.’

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: ööööööööö (9 - ENGAGE, Make It So etc...)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 8

Style 8

Babes 6

Comedy 7

Spiritual Enlightenment 8

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at Black Sheep Reviews

- best line:" Suffice it to say, it is intricate and tight and a lot more fun not to know where anything is going at any point in time. It is such a smooth ride that you can just sit back and enjoy the comfortable warp cruising speed."