Darkmatters Review: Ted

Ted (15)

Dir. Seth MacFarlane

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“No matter how big a splash you make in this world whether you're Corey Feldman, Frankie Muniz, Justin Bieber or a talking teddy bear, eventually, nobody cares…”

That’s the censored version of the opening to Ted, the wacky story of a how 35-year-old John (Mark Wahlberg), lives with his odd best friend –Ted (Seth MacFarlane) a furry teddy bear which has been magically brought to life. You see Ted is a foul-mouthed comedy from the makers of adult orientated cartoon show Family Guy – which is both a plus in the fact that it is very funny, buy also a minus (if offended by swears, rudeness, crudeness, drug-use and infantile stupidity).

OK so that’s the acceptability / potential outrage warning out of the way – if you’re still reading then I’m guessing that you’re interested to see how a film about a grown man and a magically ‘alive’ degenerate teddy works. Ted by the way is a work of CGI genius creation – probably the best interaction of real and animated characters to date.

"Ted and 'friends'"

Ted subscribes to the ‘throw lots of potential funnies at the screen and hope that at least some of them work’ school of film making – and the fact is that many of the funnies are really really funny. Not at all subtle, and mostly off the scale offensive to many but when Ted hits the mark with savvy pop culture references e.g. when Ted gets ripped in half he looks down at himself and says “ I look like the robot from Aliens!?” genuine laugh out loud scenes it is at times the funniest film of the year.

Anyone who can remember the ‘80s and especially those watched Flash Gordon get serious fan service here – even with ‘Flash’ himself Sam J. Jones making a brilliant cameo. The rapid-fire easy crowd-pleasing gags keep the film rolling along and for every couple that don’t hit their mark there is the occasional flash-bang direct hit which had the audience in stitches.

"cute sometimes"

Plot wise Ted is a bit weak, McFarlane's story sees John having to weigh up his juvenile waster partying with Ted and the fact that it is incompatible with his long term girlfriend Lori (the lovely Mila Kunis) if he ever wants to settle down. Cue male angst of the ‘having to finally grow up’ kind – which to be fair Wahlberg’s perpetually worried expression fits incredibly well.

Ted is a furry subversive blast of very bad taste humour – only you know if that appeals - but it delivers on all counts!

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:


öööö – Funny restricTED material ahoy


4 – eat my furry little friend's mirth

Awesomeness ööö – some unforgettable scenes

Laughs öööö – lots of belly (bad taste) laughs

Horror öö – some grimness but nothing too scary

Babes ööö – Kunis is yummy

Spiritual Enlightenment ö – none

Alternative opinion from THE GUARDIAN here

"Mila Kunis - worth ditching a bear for?"

"yummy"

Darkmatters Review: The Lorax

The Lorax (U)

Dir. Chris Renaud and Kyle Balda

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better, it's not.”

The Doctor will see you now – yes Dr. Seuss is in residence at your local cinema in order to dispense some zany eco sense through this charming and fun big screen version of the children’s tale.

Boosted by having the director Chris ‘Despicable Me’ Renaud on board, The Lorax rocks along with a winning mix of laugh out loud funnies, quality CGI animation and some AAA hot star power voicework. It certainly helps the marketing to have Zac Efron in the lead as young hero Ted, backed up by the likes of Taylor Swift as Audrey and of course the magical Lorax (Danny DeVito).

"I get serious furballs"

For those who haven’t read this tale – it takes place in a colourful but vacuous artificial walled city called Thneed-Ville, where everything is artificial and even the air is a commodity. In the heart of this fake metropolis young Ted is in love with local hottie Audrey. He’ll do anything to win her affections so when she says that she yearns to have a ‘real tree’ (all the trees have been chopped down and replaced with plastic ones), Ted embarks on an adventure to try and bring her one.

The only person who knows what happened to the trees is rumoured to be the ‘Once-ler’, a strange hermit of the wasteland beyond the city walls. He is the one who tells the tale of The Lorax – an orange furry critter tasked with being the guardian of the forest. Ted’s drive to please Audrey inspires him to risk everything and go against the greedy Mayor of Thneed-Ville, O'Hare (a delicious boo-hiss baddie turn from Rob Riggle) in trying to bring back real trees…

"hey dude, I'm like totally Zac Efron innit"

The Lorax works better than I thought it would – packed with bonkers humour, lots of which comes from Ted’s Grandma (Betty White) and some hum dinger musical numbers, pick of the bunch probably the Once-ler's (Ed Helms) "How Bad Can I Be?"

If you’ve a hankering for a tale that will actually make you stop and think but deliver it in a light and highly enjoyable animated fable for all the family, then The Lorax is the film for you. A worthy candy cane treat for kids who are a bit too young to appreciate the dark thrills of The Dark Knight Rises.

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:


ööö1/2 – go green via furry orange intervention!


3.5 – fun and charming and good for the soul

Awesomeness ööö – funky scenes, funky songs

Laughs ööö – some good laughs

Horror ö – nothing very scary or grim

Babes öö – Swift sounds sexy - see below

Spiritual Enlightenment öööö – don't wreck the planet guys

"Taylor Swift"

Darkmatters Review: CleanSkin

Cleanskin (15)

Dir. Hadi Hajaig

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

See your friends, your neighbours, your work colleagues – can you trust them, really? What if they have been ‘turned’ or ‘radicalized’ and are even now plotting to commit atrocities against your nation…

Welcome to a Daily Mail readers dream movie - Cleanskin – a film that stokes the fires of racial antagonism, pitching Muslim fanatics against hard-as-nails underground British Special Forces. The result is a surprisingly awesome action thriller that brings a bit of Bourne style action to the clichéd war on terrorism in the UK.

Director Hajaig is definitely one to watch – this is his follow up to the thoroughly fun and watchable occult thriller Puritan from 2005 (DM review here). So it’s been a while but the good news is the Cleanskin brings everything you might be looking for in a wham-bam action packed Brit thriller.

"you have the right to remain dead"

The plot see devout but unsatisfied Muslim Ash (Abhin Galeya) – his life changes when he meets scumbag fundamentalist nutjob Nabil (Peter Polycarpou) who turns Ash into a walking extremist time-bomb. Will he see sense and come to his senses or will Brit agent Ewan Keane (Sean Bean) have to blow his radical brains out?

Whilst the action is decent and regular, there is a great supporting turn from the absolutely gorgeous (and saucily named Tuppence Middleton – no relation). She’s a great counter balance to the macho action – and her pneumatic breast should be up for ‘best supporting actresses awards!?).

Charlotte Rampling is also on hand to add some gravitas to the proceedings as a high ranking operative who is pulling the strings behind the scenes. Everything works well and the decent script / acting / action scenes work together to deliver a compelling viewing experience.

"could be anyone..."

The look and feel of the film is gritty and pleasing. Everyone goes about the nasty business with serious with determination and for once there are no weak links. The only downside is that there are such limited special features – you might watch the trailers once but you’re unlikely to return to them again.

Props to Hajaig for trying such a contemporary and vital topic and pulling it off successfully, rather than falling into the pit of B-movie crassness.

Cleanskin is a film that might have slipped under your radar (like a radicalized enemy of the State) but you’d be a fool not to track it down because it isn’t often that such a quality Brit action thriller gets made.

"classy support"

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öööö1/2

4.5 – Fight fire with fire...

"Worth more than Tuppence (Middleton)"

Darkmatters Review: The Dark Knight Rises

The Dark Knight Rises (12)

Dir. Christopher Nolan

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“Oh boy, you are in for a show tonight, son…” 

 It’s here, the final part of Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy – the culmination of an epic tale that has seen Batman rebooted in gritty, dark and satisfyingly adult style.

The story picks up eight years after The Dark Knight, the Joker is a distant bad memory, Harvey ‘Two Face’ Dent has been hailed as a hero - martyred at the hands of the Batman, who has not been seen since.

Gotham is prosperous and virtually free of violent crime – but a storm is coming and it doesn’t take long before the city is on its knees in the face of a new enemy called Bane (Tom Hardy) who is intent on destroying it entirely.

"meow"

The Dark Knight Rises begins with a bang - a superb daring mid-air kidnapping of a nuclear physicist Dr. Leonid Pavel (Alon Abutbul). It seems that Bane is planning to some megaton payback on the citizens of Gotham – and it would appear that there is no one to stop him with the Dark Knight in self-imposed retirement.

Step forward super sexy, scene stealing, new Catwoman, Selina Kyle (Anna Hathaway) who is involved in some shady business with dodgy businessman John Daggett. The repercussions of Kyles actions have devastating repercussions for Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale on top form). Throw into the mix some devious subplots and mix well for almost three hours of edge-of-your-seat enjoyment of a delicious dark kind.

"air superiority"

Indeed, things look so bleak when Bane makes his move on the city that it just might be too much even for the valiant Dark Knight.

The Dark Knight Rises does something I didn’t think possible after the last film – it raises the stakes to even higher, spine tingling new heights. The cinematography is just jaw dropping, especially in IMAX and the set pieces bring some truly unforgettable action scenes.

"beware Bane"

There is sheer joy in seeing Batman take to the sky in his new plaything ‘The Bat’ or streak through the city on his awesome Batpod Motorbike. And even as the odds against him grow, the plot deftly brings in elements such as brave cop John Blake (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), which offer tantalising glimpses of hope.

As a director, Nolan is at the very top of his game here and he delivers a worthy, darker rival to wham-bam action fun of The Avengers. 2012 is proving to be a vintage year for superhero flicks and The Dark Knight Rises is potentially film of the year.

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters: ööööö – RISE!!

5 – stunning conclusion that leaves you satisfies and yet wanting more!

Awesomeness ööööö – jaw dropping throughout

Laughs öö – some limited grim humour

Horror ööö – nasty in parts but not extremely horrible

Babes ööööö – one new Catwoman to rule them all

Spiritual Enlightenment öööö – heroes require sacrifice

"new Catwoman"

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (15)

Dir. Lorene Scafaria

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Imagine what might have happened if the team in the Bruce Willis starrer Armageddon had failed to blow up the earth bound killer asteroid? In song terms it would be less ‘I don’t want to miss a thing’ and more ‘Help (I need somebody)’

I think that if asked which female they’d like to spend their last couple of weeks with Keira Knightley would probably make a lot of guy’s top 10 lists – when I got to interview her she was fun and savvy as well as sexy!? So when faced with asteroid related complete destruction, loveable loser-in-love Dodge (Steve Carell) doesn’t complain too much when he finds himself on a road trip with kooky potential last chance love interest Penny (Knightley).

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World is a odd mixture of romantic comedy and end-of-the-world-weep-em-up from Lorene ‘Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist’ Scafaria. The film raises lots of ‘what would you do with your last few weeks?’ questions and has some fun showing various reactions to the oncoming extinction level event. Most of the big laughs come from things like the deteriorating news coverage, which sees presenters swearing straight-faced to camera.

"people do strange things when the world is ending..."

Dodge and Penny make for a nice enough odd couple with just enough chemistry to let viewers overlook their age / attractiveness levels / lifestyle differences and knuckle down for an acceptably amusing end of days romp. The duo’s travels see them run into many weird and wacky characters which include Penny’s needy ex-boyfriend, a depressed loner who mistakes Dodge for a hit-man he has ordered to kill him and a restaurant called ‘Friendsy's’ where the staff are keen to see out their last days in an orgy of hedonism. There are moments of peril as rioting, looting and raping gangs rampage through the fast unraveling urban areas but overall the film isn’t trying to delve too deep into the dark heart of human nature.

The script and plotting are fine if not ground breaking, the cast are all good – even if Carell gives me the inadvertent creeps when he’s not playing funny roles. Keira is gorgeous as ever – and less annoying than you might think as a free spirited goodtime girl.

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World is by no means a classic but it does offer a different take on the both the apocalypse and your average by-the-numbers rom-com.


Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööö – It's not the end of the world (oh wait, it is!) 

3 – less melancholy than Melancholia  

Awesomeness ööö – interesting but not jaw dropping

Laughs ööö – you'll laugh but not all the way through

Horror öö – slightly grim in places

Babes ööö – Yep you still would (see your days out with Keira)

Spiritual Enlightenment öö – is love all you need?

"would she be your 'end of days' partner of choice?"

Darkmatters Review: Coriolanus

Coriolanus (15)

Dir. Ralph Fiennes

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Friends, Romans, Countrymen – lend me your, erm, high caliber weaponry and battlefield body armour… Yes this is a seriously blood splattered adaptation of Shakespeare’s classic tale which marks Ralph Fiennes’ directorial debut. The film rocks a star-studded c`st and some brilliant battle scenes that looks for all the world as if they’re from Call of Duty: Modern Warfare!?

Fiennes plays Caius Martius Coriolanus, Rome’s most courageous general. His downfall comes after the people’s fury grows as he publicly expresses scorn for their suffering. The people of Rome are hungry and riots are widespread. War and Mayhem ensues.

It doesn’t matter what PULP sang – the common people of Rome are hungry – never has the social inequality between themselves and the wealthy ruling classes been so apparent. Riots are widespread and the people’s fury rapidly becomes focussed on the Republic’s most courageous general, Martius.

But, Rome is also at war with the Volsces, a neighbouring state whose guerrilla-style army is led by Martius’s sworn enemy, Tullus Aufidius (Gerard Butler). Following the latest, brazen Volscian taunt, Martius and his comrade-at-arms Titus Lartius (Dragan Micanovic) are called to a council of war by their commanding officer, General Cominius (John Kani). Rome must retaliate. Martius’s outstanding courage and leadership on the field of battle secures the Volscian city of Corioles for Rome. It is a crushing defeat for the Volscians and, in honour of his victory, Martius is awarded the title ‘Coriolanus’, meaning conqueror of Corioles.

"Only need 24 more XP to level up!"

The anger of the Roman people has now subsided and Coriolanus has become a hero. With his recent triumph, Coriolanus’s politically ambitious mother Volumnia (Vanessa Redgrave) joyfully anticipates her son being elected to the powerful Senate position of Consul. Influential Roman Senator, and Coriolanus’s political mentor, Menenius (Brian Cox) encourages him. Always in the background, Coriolanus’s gentle and loving wife, Virgilia (Jessica Chastain), worries for her husband’s continued safety.

To become Consul, Coriolanus knows he must first secure the people’s support and at first he is loath to engage in the necessary glad-handing. He sees it as hypocritical and an affront to his personal honour code. Under pressure, he finally relents but, not a natural politician, he handles his canvassing without the required good grace and arouses ill feeling in his audience. His past public declarations have already established him as a threat to the people in the minds of their representatives, the Tribunes. And now the conspiratorial Tribunes, Brutus (Paul Jesson) and Sicinius (James Nesbitt) take full advantage of Coriolanus’s rapid fall from public favour to persuade voters to refuse him the office he seeks. The Tribunes campaign is further supported by an underground group of left-wing rebels, led by Cassius (Ashraf Barhom) and Tamora (Lubna Azabal), who also speak out against Coriolanus’s election. Their combined arguments work and he is defeated.

Coriolanus is enraged and his verbal retaliation leads to further public rioting. Disgraced, the Senate banishes him from Rome. Now stateless and seeking revenge for Rome’s ingratitude and treachery, Coriolanus journeys to the city of Antium, the Volscian capital and home to his enemy, Tullus Aufidius. With nothing to lose, he seeks out his old adversary and boldly offers him a choice. Aufidius can either take Coriolanus’s life or accept his help in defeating Rome. Confronted by his greatest enemy, Aufidius must decide whether to finally destroy his rival or join forces with him in battle…

This is the most action-packed Shakespeare depiction for some time and it really blows the doors off in terms of gritty battle action.

Coriolanus is a wonderful bloody, but timeless, tale of war and revenge… Add it to your DVD collection and feel smug in the fact that you’ve got a Shakespeare flick in your collection (one that kicks ass!).

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öööö


4 – Shakespeare + Automatic weaponry = win!

"Lubna Azabal"

Darkmatters Review: The Amazing Spiderman

The Amazing Spiderman (12)

Dir. Marc Webb

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

As the saying goes…

‘With great special effects and budget come great responsibility…’

So altogether now - Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can – and now he’s back with an all new take on the origin story of how young nerdy Peter Parker (Andrew ‘Social Network’ Garfield), gets arachnid flavoured super powers.

It’s not easy being a New York high schooler whose parents have abandoned him, with only his Aunt May (Sally Field) and Uncle Ben (Martin Sheen) to call family. Then to make matters worse he gets bitten by a bio-engineered spider – but along with a painful bite mark, Parker gets super agility, strength and wall-crawling abilities so it’s not all bad.

Cue a revamped Spiderman, complete with new spider suit, mechanical web shooters, a sharper sense of humour, and a new baddie to defeat – in the shape of Dr. Curt Connors (Rhys Ifans) who becomes a mutated giant Lizard.

"new guy in the suit - makes it look good"

Everything about this reboot works really well. Garfield is excellent in the lead role and he is ably supported by a decent script, jaw dropping CGI effects and new improved hottie love interest in the shapely form of Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone). There is some real on screen chemistry between two – which apparently spilled over into real world romance off set too.

The Amazing Spiderman channels a stronger vibe of conflicted adolescence when the responsibility of super powers are added to the mix, like Kick Ass or Chronicle did so well.

Spidey still rocks some great action moves and the joy of watching his web slingling / swinging antics is stronger than ever. Garfield makes the role his own – his sarcastic wisecracks are especially welcome and make this Spiderman more like the original comic book one.

"new girlfriend - what big eyes you have!"

My sons bought right into the new version and were impressed by the package overall, especially when the New York blue-collar workers use their cranes to give Spiderman a boost in his final battle. If you want to nit pick you could say that the Lizard vs Spidey smackdown feels a little bit ‘by the numbers’ but that would be petty as these numbers are megaton ones…

It looks like adding the word ‘Amazing’ to the title wasn’t too much of a brag – and more like an honest appraisal!? Here’s to some further amazing Spiderman adventures before too long!

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öööö – quality super thrills

4 – does whatever a super enhanced spider can

Awesomeness öööö – spider sense tingling

Laughs ööö – witty and funny

Horror öö – a bit ‘jumpy’ but not too grim

Babes ööö – Stone is yummy

Spiritual Enlightenment öö – teen angst a go go

Try some CULTURE SLAP review HERE

"Emma Stone - looking good in GQ"

PS VITA Running Left 4 Dead & Skyrim

Left 4 Dead and SKYRIM - playable on the PS VITA! 


Skyrim looks like a work in progress but the possibilities are awesome...

Matt Adcock sees the future in the palm of your hand...


Left 4 Dead looks slick!!
 

Playing excellent PC games on Sony's incredible hand-held - yes please!!

This just in from GameFanatics: With Sony Computer Entertainment (SCE) recently acquired cloud gaming service Gaikai. Gaikai is known for offering the best old and new games streaming on their site. I’m sure most of you are wondering where the correlation comes in between Sony and Gaikai and this rumor of bringing PlayStation (PSX), and PlayStation 2 (PS2) games to the PlayStation 3 (PS3).

The rumor goes like this. Sony plans on creating a type of “Multiverse” similar to that of the PlayStationStore (PS Store) where all of their popular gaming titles of old, will be available to stream to yourPlayStation 3. These titles will also be downloadable for a fee, but no details have emerged yet regarding the pricing system or exactly what titles will be on this “Multiverse” first.

(source: http://thegamefanatics.com/2012/07/05/ps1-ps2-games-coming-ps3-streaming-service/ )

"Emma Stone - thinking about playing L4D on her VITA"

Darkmatters Review: Killer Joe

Killer Joe (18)

Dir. William Friedkin

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Love. Lust. Loyalty. Treachery. Innocence. Profanity. Greed. Revenge. Family... Just another day in the Deep South!?

When 22-year-old smalltime trailer-trash drug dealer Chris (Emile Hirsch) finds himself in debt to a very nasty drug lord, he hatches a desperate plan to try and cash in on his mother’s $50,000 life insurance policy.

Of course it isn’t quite a simple as it sounds and the contracted hit-man ‘Killer’ Joe Cooper (Matthew McConaughey playing brilliantly against his nice-guy type), might just tear the dysfunctional family apart when he takes a sinister liking Chris’s sister Dottie (Juno Temple).

"Joe stands up for his young 'retainer' "

Joe is the creepiest, craziest, crooked cop to hit the screen in some time – highly charismatic and entirely morally dubious, he demands Dottie as a ‘retainer’ for his services until Chris can pay him from the insurance payout.

The film is based on a provocative black comedy play by Tracy Letts, and director William ‘The Exorcist’ Friedkin doesn’t hold back in bringing the shockingly twisted plot to throbbing gothic noir cinematic life.

Killer Joe is a deep-fried red-neck-em-up that explores the thin line between good and evil and exposes the possibility of evil in all of us. And just when the tension is a boiling point it unloads a metaphysical shotgun blast of misogynistic bad-taste, which is likely to challenge even the most open-minded viewer. I don’t want to spoil anything for you but let’s just say that it might be a while before you order a KFC again…

"trailer trash?"

But if you’re a fan of crackling, messed up neo-noir thrillers like The Killer Inside Me or Blood Simple then Killer Joe will be right up your hard-boiled street. And whilst ‘Joe’ doesn’t have the same expansive scope – due to it originally being a play – it adds a deep vein of very dark comedy that is likely to have you laughing when you’re not recoiling in shock.

All whole the cast go about the sordid business with gusto – McConaughey is fantastic as the slimy titular character and he is matched all the way by a gutsy Lolita-ish performance from Temple. Some of the best lines though come from Chris’s dim-witted father Ansel (Thomas Haden-Church) – pick of the bunch being when ask if he was aware of his wife’s plan to rip him off. He replies “I’m never aware!”

Killer Joe is a hard film to completely recommend as it goes to very ‘wrong’ places but it will certainly make you think.

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööö1/2 - Finger lickin good!?

31/2 – darkness is only a heartbeat away

Awesomeness ööö – sleazy does it

Laughs ööö – darkly funny

Horror ööö – bloody, brutal and sickening in places

Babes öööö – Temple is yummy

Spiritual Enlightenment -öö – salvation is far from these people

Try the CULTURE SLAP review here

"Juno next up in Little Birds"

The Dark Knight Rises!!

The Dark Knight Rises...

Flying through billboards on way to cinemas by the looks of things...

Get Excited... These trailers set the scene in fine style!!

Darkmatters Review - Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (15)

Dir. Timur Bekmambetov

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

President by day. Hunter by night.

They have tried to suppress the truth but here we have the ‘real’ story of the life of America's 16th president and it is far more action packed then I remember from history class…

Based on the fun novel by Seth Grahame-Smith, Nightwatch director Timor Bekmambetov brings an effective dose of man vs monster spackdown to the big screen. Is it totally preposterous to see Lincoln spending his life hunting bloodsuckers – because one of them was responsible for his mother's murder? Absolutely, but it is also a blast to see Honest Abe swinging a silver coated axe in anger…

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter brings some decent 3D set pieces to help eek out the limited (and very stupid) plot. One of the most ridiculous is a showdown between Lincoln and his mother’s killer – a vampire called Jack Barts (Marton Csokas) – which takes place in, on and amongst a raging horse stampede, with the two protagonists leaping from one horse's back to another!?

"dance with a vampire? Erin Wasson steps up"

It’s best to approach this as a fun bloodsucking slaughter-em-up which just happens to be transposed onto a historical backdrop, rather than anything deeper or in any way meaningful.

He might get to be president but this tale sees Lincoln only two real friends in his life – Joshua Speed (Jimmi Simpson) – his boss in Illinois where he worked as a store hand whilst hunting vampires by night and Will Johnson (Anthony Mackie), a childhood African American pal who he bonded with. Also on hand is his vampire hunting mentor Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper) who hides a dark secret and the love of his life Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth ‘Scott Pilgrim’ Winstead).

The plot builds up to a showdown with vampire leader Adam (Rufus Sewell), who has set up a vampire empire amongst the Southern plantations where the slavery maintains both workers and ready food supply.

"the only good vampire is a dead vampire..."

By the frantic climactic battle on a train, it is down to Abe and pals to save the day, the future of North America and the very right to be ‘human’ – even as the train speeds onto a burning bridge and all hell breaks loose.

The action scenes are the only reasons to see this and they do pass muster but only if you completely suspend your disbelief. If you even for a second let your mind ask ‘how or why would any of this actually have happened?’ you’ll be lost.

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööö - Fangs for the memory

3 – bite me

Awesomeness ööö – some great fights stand out

Laughs öö – not as funny as it could have been

Horror ööö – some scary vamps and lots of bloodletting

Babes ööö – Winstead looks good in her period garb Wasson sports good fangs

Spiritual Enlightenment ööö – let 'truth' empower you...

"Mary Elizabeth Winstead"

"can you pick Erin Wasson out of this advert line up?

Darkmatters Review: Max Payne 3

Max Payne 3 PS3

Developed by RockStar Studios / Games

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Max Payne is back – yes the painkiller popping, bullet time commanding action hero has been away for many years but you can’t keep an iconic franchise down (even if it suffers an unfortunately not as epic as hoped film along the way).

I’m delighted to report that Max Payne 3 is something very cool though and is first entry in the series to introduce a superb multiplayer experience – which will also serve the mighty Grand Theft Auto 5. This new multiplayer option on the block is absolutely awesome. We’re talking some of the very best multiplayer fun ever!!

"superb multiplayer battles await!"

So Max Payne 3 is the first game in the series developed by RockStar Studios / not by Remedy Entertainment, the original developers… It’s a decent move to one of the best game making studios on the planet so fans who feared that the series might not keep its AAA rating do not need to worry.

Single player campaign wise we pick up the unhappy tale of Max in a "downward spiral" following the events of the second game. It’s been eight years, Max has left both the NYPD and New York itself, and the years have not been kind to him. Gone is the slick leather jacketed Max from first two games.

Down on his luck Max is now working on a private security detail in the city of São Paulo in Brazil, Max gets double-crossed and has to take on the whole "city full of violence and bloodshed."

Yeah yeah – it’s exactly by the numbers gritty stuff and there is an unprecedented amount of gunplay, bullet time and bad guy slaughter as you work through Brazil but even doing it in co-op multiplayer can’t prepare you for the online death matches which is where this Payne bringer really shines.

"monkeying around with the avatar options!"

Graphically immense and packing slick gameplay on every level, well balanced collectables, addictive perk and customization options that let you bond with your avatar just really add to the whole experience.

Max Payne 3 is a must buy for action / shooter game fans – and for PS3 owners looking for a lasting deep, free, online blast – this can stand proudly alongside StarHawk, Uncharted 3, Killzone 3, Resistance 3 and the Call of Dutys. Bring on the mighty GTA V which will let you potentially import your gangs from Max Payne 3… get excited…

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööööö


5 - Highly recommended – hope to see you online!!

"One of the ladies of Max Payne 3"

Darkmatters Review: Sorcery

Sorcery (PS3)

Developed by SCEE / Santa Monica Studios

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

It’s a (new) kind of magic…

As a Christian, Sorcery isn't high on my 'to do' list but then 'saving the world' is kind of necessary so  forget your imaginary arm waving kinect efforts and pick up your PlayStation Move controller which here serves as your all powerful magic wand.

You play as Finn a young sorcerers apprentice who must use his newly acquired magic skills on his travels deep into the heart of the Faerie Kingdom. Along the way, you get to master the various types of magic – arcane, earth, ice, fire, wind, and lightning – in order to stay alive, and to become truly deserving of bearing the title sorcerer.

The PlayStation Move has probably never been as well used as it is here – as a magic wand it delivers pitch perfect accuracy to allow you to conjure up spells, such as attack, defend and enchant.

The gameplay is really slick (I was expecting it to be frustrating and annoying) but the team behind Sorcery have polished up some genius gesture based controls which will soon see you switching spells with a flick of the wrist, no need for buttons or menus.

"boss battles break up the gameplay"

On your way to becoming a powerful sorcerer you must overcome environmental puzzles while you use unique gestures to repair bridges or unlock doors.

There is a deep alchemy system with over 50 potions to do things like enhance your magic or heal yourself - searching for ingredients & powerful recipes is a lot of fun in itself – much like the side questing time spent skinning creatures in Red Dead Redemption etc.

OK so the main story is a bit hockey – you know the drill, step up to save the world from a powerful enemy… But at least the well crafted controls allow you to immerse yourself in the story and set out across this ancient mystical world with unique realms to explore.

"summon up a tornado at will"

The PS3 is blessed with many great exclusive games but I wasn’t expecting Sorcery to be one of them – I can’t think of another100% motion-controlled title which I’d actually call a ‘must buy’ but this is one for sure.

Santa Monica studios have conjured up something a bit special here and you’d be a muggle not to enjoy this wizard adventure. Finn and his magical cat companion, Erline, are a great double act in the vein of other quality PS3 games such as Ratchet and Clank or Jak and Daxter.

Wielding your Move wand is a joy – the light changes colour depending on what you are doing e.g. the dome will shine blue when you need to interact with something or red when drinking a health potion. For most attacking purposes you’ll have a glowing purple sphere on your Move.

Sorcery is possibly the best Move title yet and it shows the Sony have not abandoned their motion controller. This along with PixelJunk 4am, Sports Champion 2 and Dance Party 2 are worthy reasons to get your Move on!!

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

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4 – Feel the power of the magical Move!?

"Emma Watson - alas no Hermione to be found in Sorcery..."

"do some magic" says Amber Heard!?