DARKMATTERS - The Mind of Matt

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Friday, January 05, 2007

The lost films of 2006

These were films that I saw but didn't get round to reviewing in 2006 - there are some real crackers and none that ranked below a 3 star 'should check this out' rating so here are my quick thoughts on each...

A powerful London crime lord you really need to keep in with tells you that he’s looking for a young girl, she must be cute - about eleven or twelve, he wants her for a night and will pay you £500… what will you do? Welcome the nightmare world of London to Brighton a film that starts bleak: It's 3:07am, two girls burst into a run down London toilet. Joanne who is very young is crying her eyes out and her clothing is ripped. World weary hooker Kelly's face is bruised and starting to swell. Somewhere else a half dressed man lies in his bathroom bleeding to death… and this is as nice as it’s going to get...

Overall öööö (a powerhouse British double barrel shotgun blast of crime thrills to the face!)

The victim has been cut in half, all the organs removed, blood drained from the body, and the mouth sliced ear to ear. Film noir never looked so good and I was sucked right in.

Worth seeing if only for the women... Scarlett Johansson is hot, Mia Kirshner is hotter still and Hilary Swank get lines like: "I think you'd rather f**k me than kill me. But you don't have the guts to do either..."

Overall ööö1/2 (lots of people didn't like it but I thought Brian De Palma delivered a winner)

"My easy-going nature is gettin' sorely f**kin' tested."

Nathan 'Firefly' Fillion is a genius actor and he gets to do some good stuff in this over the top sci-fi monster mash of a B Movie. Alas as a film it just didn't quite hold together but still I'd say you should check it if a fan of nerdcore sci-fi!

Overall ööö (a near miss, nice effects - shame about the story)

"My name is Dalton Russell. Pay strict attention to what I say because I choose my words carefully and I never repeat myself. I've told you my name: that's the Who. The Where could most readily be described as a prison cell. But there's a vast difference between being stuck in a tiny cell and being in prison. The What is easy: recently I planned and set in motion events to execute the perfect bank robbery. That's also the When. As for the Why: beyond the obvious financial motivation, it's exceedingly simple... because I can. Which leaves us only with the How; and therein, as the Bard would tell us, lies the rub."

This one divided people - some loved it, others hated it, I kind of liked it a lot...

Overall ööö1/2 (You come near here I start throwing bodies out the front door)

"Now you're looking for the secret... but you won't find it because you're not really looking. You don't really want to know the secret... You want to be fooled..."

This was a slow burning masterpiece which I bought into in a big way. I've enjoyed all of Nolan's films so far and had just finished reading the similarly themed Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell. It might not be an action flick but it built up a spine tingling sense of menace that stayed with the viewer... nice one!!

Overall öööö1/2 ( I was watching closely, and you should too!)

"what happens when that lazy, 20-something malaise lasts into your 30s?"

Still slacking beyond the call of duty and blessed with some of the funniest dialogue ever e.g.:

Randal: All right look, there's only one return, okay, and it ain't "of the King," it's "of the Jedi."

Hobbit Lover: Oh, Star Wars geek.

Randal: Oh, I'm the geek? Look at you two whipping out your preciouses.

Elias: You'll have to excuse him, he's not "down" with the trilogy.

Randal: Oh, what the f**k happened to this world. There's only one trilogy you morons.

Hobbit Lover: You know what, maybe we should start calling your friend Padme, 'cause he loves Manakin Skywalker so much, right? [in robot voice]: Danger danger, my name is Anakin. My sh*tty acting is ruining saga.

Elias: [chucking] Yeah, you're crazy Jar-Jar.

Overall ööö1/2 (not up to the standard of Clerks but still very funny and as a Star Wars and LOTR fans I was torn!?)

"Its like the sixties. But with less hope."

Reviewing films isn't all 'work work work'... sometimes you get to witness the extremes of what man and his camera have to offer in the 'line of duty'. So where can you go if you're looking to see tons of real sex, gay, straight and every which way? Well, if that's what you've a hankering for then the Shortbus will take you there. It's a trip not for the faint of heart, those adverse to seeing other people's private parts close up being sucked and pleasured should run, not walk from this film... You could and many people would call it porn I guess but I think there was some sort of plot going on - and there were a few laughs e.g. this line: "These people spend all night sucking cock and eating ass, and then hit the buffet claiming they're vegan."

Overall ööö (Discretion strongly advised)

Check out my films of 2006 here

Or my Review of 2006 here


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