Haven - review

Haven (15)
Dir. Frankie E. Flowers

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

After watching Haven (made back in 2004 and out in the US and yet only soon to be released straight to DVD in the UK) I can only wonder if director Frankie E. Flowers wasn’t dropped on his head as a child? The ensuing jolt sensation recurring throughout his time spent making Haven… He’s got a cool cast, fantastic location, interesting multi story plot and some obvious film making skills – and even though Haven doesn’t quite deliver as much as you think it’s going to, this is tropical trip worth taking!
It’s basically a teenier ‘Pulp Fiction lite’ set on the Cayman Islands on one particularly memorable Friday the 13th. The always reliable Bill Paxton is a guy who is fleeing the Feds with a bundle of ill gotten cash and his hottie daughter in tow (Agnes ‘how much do I look like Elisha Cuthbert’ Bruckner).
There are two other main plot strands, the main one featuring the shy young rascal Orlando Bloom as a bloke called ‘Shy’ – he’s in love with the gorgeous Andrea (played by Zoe Saldana), but her brother who is know as ‘Hammer’ is vehemently opposed to the coupling… And when Shy gets his wicked way with his sister, Hammer loses it and disfigures him with acid (as you do). The other story element is about Fritz (Victor Rasuk) – a native loverman on the understandable mission to get some loving from the newly arrived blond bombshell Bruckner, which is complicated by his involvement with local gangsters…
If you’re looking for a hit of sex, drugs and money embezzling and fancy lapping up some of the sweaty, volatile atmosphere that is Cayman Isles authentic through and through, dive right in, Haven delivers a diverting couple of hours.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö – just about enough, was hoping for more…
Laughs öö – if you’re the type to find it amusing to see Bloom get acid burns?
Horror öö – slight nastiness in places
Babes ööö – Bruckner is very very watchable

Overall ööö (easy now bro… sum crim ting ‘appening)


"sun, sea, sand and me..."

Darkmatters: H O M E