Matt’s Top 10 Films of 2006

Matt’s Top 10 Films of 2006

So another year has filled the big screens with films better (eg Munich), worse (eg Basic Instinct 2) and about exactly what we expected (eg Cars) and I’ve had the privilege of watching most of them then reporting back to you what I thought. If you read this page regularly, you’ll already have some idea as to if we enjoy the same sort of films and whilst you might not agree with me, at least you’ll be forewarned about what to expect…


Here’s my pick of the films released in the UK in 2006:

1. Superman Returns (12a)

“Even though you’ve been raised as a human, you’re not one of them. They can be a great people, Kal-El .They wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you... my only son…”For so many years we have suffered, adrift without our protector, at the mercy of evil in every form - our once bright hope has begun to fade. But in a dark and most desperate hour there may yet be salvation – look, up in the sky, it’s a bird? It’s a plane? No, it’s superman and he’s back to save us all from mediocre films!!How can I sum this film up? Except… WOW!!



2. Miami Vice (15)

“Smooth… That’s how we do it.”Oh yes, here it is – Miami Vice finally on the big screen some 20 years since the TV show changed the viewing habits and dress sense of millions of impressionable males across the world. I should know, I was one of them.
Michael Mann successfully took the classic cheesy TV show, stripped it, remixed it and unleashed it on a new generation. Everything about the new version is harder, darker and more stylish than before. Miami Vice the movie is a deliciously vicious victory of boiled down style over substance. As Tubbs asks at one point: “Do you understand the meaning of the word ‘foreboding’, as in badness is happening right now?” Watch this and you will do…



3. Brick (15)

“I betcha you got every rat in town together and said show your hands if any of 'em actually seen the Pin, we'd get a crowd of full pockets.”Welcome to the world of BRICK new director on the block Rian Johnson's strange and wonderful fusion of teen angst, neo noir and detective mystery – all wrapped up in an ultra stylish coating of David Lynchian unease. This is the tale of Emily (Emile de Ravin) a girl in trouble – too many lovers, too much of a drug problem, in with the wrong crowd – so far so Twin Peaks…But Brick is a hip, cool and entirely watchable calling card for some of the hottest new talent around. Prepare to be dazzled.



4. Casino Royale (12a)

James Bond: “Vodka-martini please.” Bartender: “Would that be shaken or stirred?” James Bond: “Does it look like I give a damn?”
Yes Britain’s smoothest export was back in cinemas this year, blonder, tougher and steelier eyed than you might have expected but he’s lost none of his macho charm, sophisticate charisma or woman killing eye for a foxy minx. In a nutshell, Casino Royale is Bond getting to do what he does best – getting the girl, killing the baddies and saving the entire planet. Director Martin Campbell (who also made Goldeneye) easily trumps his earlier Bond effort with this grittier, darker and altogether more satisfying tale of the super spy’s first major mission. It’s true what might have heard… Blondes do it better…



5. Hoodwinked (PG)

“It's true, I'm not like other grannies.”
Have you ever wondered if your dear sweet granny might actually be living a double life? Perhaps behind the cup cakes, jumpers and general mild mannered exterior – maybe she’s known as ‘Triple G’ and into extreme sports and danger? No, me either, but it’s a great ‘what if’ and it works brilliantly in Hoodwinked – a fun animated comedy for all the family. Think Little Red Riding Hood crossed with ‘The Usual Suspects’ and then mix it with lots of laugh out loud humour – top stuff.



6. Little Miss Sunshine (15)

“Losers are people who are so afraid of not winning, they don't even try.”
This cool film which is getting major Golden Globe buzz managed to capture the ridiculousness of life's tragedies and show them up in a one seriously humorous and genuinely moving road trip. Highlighting both ugly underbelly of Americana - with their weirdly creepy beauty pageants and stuff, through to the love and empowerment of having a family (however dysfunctional it might be). Double directors Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris take the viewer on a journey which will lodge in your unconsciousness and make you smile at inopportune moments. For once you should believe the hype – this is a must see movie.


7. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (12a)

“One word love; curiosity. You long for freedom. You long to do what you want to do because you want it. To act on selfish impulse. You want to see what it's like. One day you wont be able to resist…”
The global box office phenomena of the year and direct follow up to 2003’s surprise pirate action blockbuster Pirates of the Caribbean, sees eccentric Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) has been press ganged back into service. Add dashing Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and gorgeous Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley), mix up with stunning special effects and a great sense of fun and enjoy! Needless to say, things go pear shaped before the titles have had the chance to stop rolling and another rip roaring high adventure takes sail.



8. The Departed (18)

“When I was your age, they would say you could become cops or criminals. What I'm saying is this: When you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?”Welcome to the mean streets of Boston, a city ruled by terror where even the police are struggling to make any sort of dent in the all pervasive operation of psychotic mob boss Frank Costello (Jack Nicholson). The Departed is a balls-to-the-wall confident and clever thriller, engaging and disturbing in equal measures and a benchmark by which all US cop thrillers will be judged against for some time to come.



9. United 93 (15)

“We have to do something; they are not going to land this plane.”
Unflinchingly powerful in its depiction of what might have happened on the 3rd plane high jacked on 9/11. United 93 is a film scripted, photographed and edited to make it feel like you’re actually there. This is a truly terrifying drama, made all the more nightmarish because it is based on real events. It’s impossible to watch United 93 and not be moved. This is no popcorn thrill ride, this is everybody’s worst nightmare played out with respect – a real tribute to the bravery of people faced with an impossible situation.


10. Severance (18)

“I've left Gordon's foot on the coach... sorry mate.”
Welcome to another bloody office outing… Literally. Severance is pretty much the ultimate slasher/action/comedy film. Think ‘Shaun of the Dead’ but swap the zombies for evil gun and machete toting nutjobs and you’ll be in the right zone. Whilst certainly not for the squeamish it will have you laughing out loud one moment and genuinely scared the next. This is without doubt the most dysfunctional, delightful and potentially brain damaging cinematic experience of 2006 – altogether a superior quality British film you simply must not miss...!!

And so that's my top 10 for this year - of course there were other great films and if I had a top 11 a certain Mr Borat would be in there too!

"Jagshemash! Matt - how could you leave me out?"

Click here for the previous top 10's:

Matt's Top 10 Films 2005

Matt's Top 10 Films 2004

and look out for my 'Matt's Movie Awards 2006' coming soon which will feature catagories including -
Top 5 Hottest Movie Babes '06
and
Best Scene involving a ground to air missile in a Movie etc

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Deja Vu

Déjà Vu (12a)
Dir. Tony Scott

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Greetings, I’m writing this review in the future – you don’t have to believe me but I’m also watching you from exactly four days and seven hours ahead of your ‘current’ time.
Yep, I know how crazy this sounds but stop for a second and consider – what if it’s true?
Oh yes, the film… Well, if you’re at all familiar with the work of director Tony ‘Top Gun / Man on Fire’ Scott you’ll know what to expect in terms of slick heavyweight action, adrenaline soaked plotlines and excitably frenetic camera work. In Déjà Vu you get all of that usual Scott stuff and a bonus bonkers time travel plot device thrown in to shake up the well worn action formula.
Denzel Washington is on cracking form here as US special agent Doug Carlin – a guy who gets things done, a guy who will not stop until he’s saved the day, a guy who looks impossibly cool taking off his sunglasses in slow motion. You know the type. You’ve already seen him doing this before…
Déjà Vu takes you to a place where the US Government can monitor the past in a constantly running ‘signal’ which broadcasts what happened exactly four days ago. It’s technology that makes Google Maps look rubbish – this thing can zoom in, see through walls and track individuals at the flick of a joystick (think PlayStation 3 on steroids). One scene has the team of nerdy scientists (led by Val Kilmer) using the machine to track a gorgeous female played by Paula Patton as she struts around in her underwear and takes a shower. And it’s just as well that they can because a deranged terrorist has just blown up a ferry killing hundreds of innocent men, women and children and this babe is linked to the attack. As luck would have it Washington gets the chance to use the super time bending device to go back and try to thwart the bomber but not before falling for the smokin hot Patton whose life he may also be able to save. It might not completely stack up in the quantum physics time travel theory department but it does make for cracking viewing. For a decent dose of action choose Déjà Vu.
In fact I think you may already have?

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öööö - quality, breathless and genuinely exciting
Laughs öö – not a chucklefest but it doesn't need to be
Horror ööö – satisfyingly grim for a 12a!
Babes öööö – Paula Patton is hot!!!

Overall öööö (if you like action movies - you need to see this film!)


"OK now can you show me the 'full frontal' shower cam?"

Darkmatters: H O M E

 

New shot from Pirates of the Caribbean 3

"yo ho ho and a couple of new outfits..."

Saw this today and thought I'd share it with you - see it and another new shot over at: aintitcool

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End should be a fun ending to the trilogy / potential taster for more?

Earlier DM Pirates links here include:

Dead Man's Chest review

Matt Adcock meets Keira Knightley

Darkmatters: H O M E

Warhammer 40,000 Dawn of War: Dark Crusade

With apologies to My Chemical Romance

“Welcome To The Dark Crusade…”

When I was,
a young Eldar,
My father,
took me into the city
To see a marching band.

He said,
"Son when you grow up,
would you be the saviour of the broken,
The beaten and the damned?"

He said
"Will you defeat them,
the Space Marines,
The Orks and all the non believers,
the plans that they have made?

Because one day I’ll leave you,
An AVATAR OF KHAINE,
to lead you in the summer,
To join the Dark Crusade..."

Dawn Of War (Warhammer 40,000) – is an awesome game, and whilst it not be the deepest RTS on the market – it is unmatched for sheer fun… The Dark Crusade expansion really ups the anti with it’s RISK like battle map clash of the 7 species – especially, I haven’t played with myself this much since before Command & Conquer went online (and just as I was getting into Company of Heroes too).

If you like war games and own a decent PC – Dawn of War & The Dark Crusade expansion should be top of Christmas list (and if you already have them I might see you online soon as my Eldar brethren burn your bases to the ground and trample on your fallen warriors)…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

öööö1/2 (Highly Recommended!!)




"Dark Crusade is as sexy to play with as Holly Marie Coombs..."

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: The Holiday

The Holiday (12a)
Dir. Nancy Meyers

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Where do you want to go by yourself, depressed, at Christmas? How about impulsively swapping your house with a complete stranger on the other side of the planet for a couple of weeks, jetting to get away from it all, meeting some new people and even perhaps falling in love while you’re at it? Or if that all sounds like too much effort you could go and see a bunch of hot Hollywood stars smugly doing exactly that on screen in The Holiday…
Ah yes, that’s the option I chose this weekend and I even took my wife Gail along to sample the delights of the new Nancy ‘What Women Want’ Meyers romantic comedy. Oh dear, when will I learn… There’s so much wrong with The Holiday that I barely know where to begin. Firstly it’s a romantic comedy which has had pretty much all the ‘comedy’ surgically removed (and that’s no mean feat in a film featuring naturally funny Jack Black). Secondly the characters in The Holiday are either unforgivably wet (Kate ‘what the hell was I thinking’ Winslet is the prime example) or so shallow that they’d drown in a Petri dish of emotion (Cameron Diaz – I’m looking at you here). Also it’s hard to take Jude Law seriously as a family man when pretty much every other role he’s ever played had been as a Casanova playboy.
But on the back of a genuinely amusing trailer I was so sure that The Holiday would be a hit with my other half that I thought perhaps it was just me failing to enjoy this lifeless turgid Christmas turkey. But no, she didn’t like it either.
Nothing can quite explain just how painful watching this is, I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed so much nauseating self loving syrupy froth. Even worse is that the plot limps along like a wounded animal and ends in an unsatisfying blur of sickly sweet sentiment that makes Richard Curtis’s Love Actually look gritty.
The A list talent on offer are completely wasted, Diaz especially manages to not even be cute which is quite an accomplishment for her. The one highlight for me by far was seeing her wildly dancing and trying to sing along to The Killers’ Mr Brightside behind closed doors… But unless you’ve been round to my house and seen my wife doing exactly that too – it’s unlikely to make you smile in the same way…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ö - plodding, weak and predictable
Laughs ö – one or two, no way near enough!!
Horror ö ö ö – horrific over / under acting!?
Babes öö – Diaz looks plastic

Overall ö1/2 (There’s simply nothing here to recommend, save your money)


"if you want to see Diaz looking cute... see Charlie's Angels!"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Stranger Than Fiction

Stranger Than Fiction (12a)
Dir. Marc Forster

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Little did the unsuspecting reader know that even as they were scanning Matt’s review of Stranger Than Fiction, somehow events had been set in motion that would lead to their imminent demise.*

On the surface this is a simple if slightly bizarre story about a man named Harold Crick, oh and his wristwatch and his inevitable impending doom, but actually it’s so much more than that… Stranger Than Fiction is an odyssey about love, life and what it means to really be alive. What it isn’t – is a goofball comedy in which you’d expect to find Will Ferrell, and yet it is a Will Ferrell comedy, just with more brains behind it than his entire catalogue of films up until now. Yes this is a Will Ferrell film for those who would never normally be tempted by his loud brash slapstick style – because in it he shows how funny and powerful it can be to play a role virtually straight faced.
Crick is a taxman who lives a dull existence until one day when he begins to hear a voice only he can hear. This voice is accurately narrating everything he is doing and also letting slip what is about to happen. Understandably perturbed by this turn of events, he is advised to seek help from literary professor Jules Hilbert (an on-form Dustin Hoffman) and things get a bit odder when he realises that he might be a character in someone else’s book. And the great thing is that, he is… It transpires that Kay Eiffel (Emma Thompson) is the author who created Crick and it is her voice he can now hear narrating his life, whilst she is stuck trying to think of a way to end her book. Things come to a crunch point when the narrator announces that Crick will “die imminently” – unfortunate timing as it happens because he has just fallen for the female baker that he is auditing (played with winning charm by Maggie ‘Secretary’ Gyllenhaal). Is this the end for Harold? Can he survive to find a happy ending when his author is famous for killing off her lead characters? You’ll enjoy finding out...

If you’re in the mood for something different, a film that will make you think as well as laugh and possibly even cry – I’d urge you check out Stranger Than Fiction, for once a film that lives up to its title!?

* just kidding

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö - not action packed but compelling
Laughs öööö – dark and requiring a brain to appreciate...
Horror ö – nail biting ending
Babes ööö – Gyllenhaal is yummy (see below)

Overall öööö (many people probably won't 'get it' but I loved it)


"thinking person's crumpet!?"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Flushed Away

'in the UK it opens 01 Dec...'

Flushed Away (U)
Dir. David Bowers & Sam Fell

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Dreamworks have taken Aardman’s Plasticine (Not to be confused with the Pleistocene epoch which is part of the geologic timescale) / claymation look and worked it over with their supercomputers… The result is Flushed Away - a frenetic animated adventure populated by rats, slugs and frogs who look like they are made of modelling material (you know…calcium salts, petroleum jelly and aliphatic acids) but who sound like Kate Winslet, Hugh Jackman, Ian McKellen, Andy Serkis, Bill Nighy etc etc…

Wallace & Gromit may have left the building but Roddy and Rita the rats (Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet) are suitable alternative heroes. Prepare to marvel as they spread disease and plague across the human world, gasp as they rabidly rip the throats out of their enemies and cheer when they are finally rounded up and exterminated for being public health time bombs… Erm, not really…
No no, not these rats, these are lovely cuddly pop culture-referencing rats who spout dialogue from the writers of Shrek or Shark Tale. They use the toilet as a whirlpool portal between the parallel Londons of our human ‘up top’ world and the corr blimey governor sewer where all the common rats abide…

Flushed Away does a lot of things right, it cracks along at a breakneck pace, packs in loads of references for kids and adults alike and is funny enough to make you really lose it more than once. The animation is great – stylized to ape the Aardman of old but hugely detailed, the voice acting is top notch and the plot is erm, OK let’s not talk about the plot as it’s perfunctory at best.Toffee nosed rat Roddy gets left alone while his owners go on holiday, his idyllic but lonely life is wrecked when fat rat Sid (Shane Richie) moves in and ends up flushing Roddy down the loo.
Here he crosses paths with amphibious villain Toad (Ian McKellen) backed up by dodgy henchmen (Nighy and Serkis) and a team of dastardly French frogs… The frogs made me laugh a lot with their incompetence, cowardice and multiple coffee breaks, not sure how that will play in France!?
Roddy is poorly equipped to be a hero, completely unprepared for the rough and tumble of life in the sewer. His tail is saved by plucky love interest rat Rita (Winslet) and only together can they save the sewer from being… you guessed it… Flushed Away…

Highlights include a funky chorus of singing slugs, sharp dialogue like when Toad asks: “You find my pain funny?” and Le Frog replies: “I find everyone's pain funny but my own. I'm French.”
My two boys loved it long time and pronounced it better than Wallace and Gromit – they are 5 and 9 in case you were wondering. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would and would put this in my top six animated films of 2006 to date which goes like this (click for my review):

1. Hoodwinked Review
2. Cars Review
3. Over The Hedge Review
4. Flushed Away – don’t click this you’re already reading it…
5. Renaissance Review
6. Ice Age 2: The Meltdown Review

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö - fun animated capers
Laughs öööö – lots, yes very funny stuff
Horror ö – mild suspence
Babes öö – winslet sounds a bit cute?

Overall öööö (more cheese Grommit? – no damnit those rats have eaten it!)

Darkmatters: H O M E

ILM: Dream Big

"both green we be, but forbidden sexual relations with hulks for Jedi are..."

I work for ILM - no, not the George Lucas variety but rather the Institute of Leadership & Management in the UK (we're the largest provider of management education in Europe - in case you were wondering).

And whilst looking for imagery for a presentation I stumbled over the above Yoda / Hulk face off (from the special effects type ILM ) which I just had to share with you.

'Dream Big' is a universally positive message...

Have a good day!!


Darkmatters:H O M E

El Laberinto del Fauno / Pan’s Labyrinth Reviewed...

El Laberinto del Fauno / Pan’s Labyrinth (15)
Dir. Guillermo del Toro

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Me? I've had so many names... Old names that only the wind and the trees can pronounce. I am the mountain, the forest and the earth. I am... I am a faun . Your most humble servant… You can also call me Pan, and I dare you to step into my twisted dark world.

If your experience of fauns begins and ends with the slightly mischievous Mr Tumnus from Narnia, prepare to meet something far more fearsome, more majestic and altogether more devious… Guillermo del Toro’s faun lord is a creature of wonder, the mighty ‘Pan’ of legend - Faunus, another version of his name, whose genealogy is so varied that it must lie buried deep in mythic time. More revered than other nature spirits, Pan appears in tales to be older than the Olympians, he is accreditted as giving Artemis her hunting dogs and teaching the secret of prophecy to Apollo. But here he is concerned with young girl – Ofelia played with conviction by Ivana Baquero. Ofelia is a tortured soul, prone to wishing to escape into fantasy through her love of books into a malevolent dark underworld.
It could be that she is a long lost princess, one prophesised to return to her own world of magic, generations after losing her spirit in the human world but in order to regain entry to her rightful place she must pass three tests set by Pan… Three disturbing and arduous tasks that many brave men would flinch from…

Director Del ‘Hellboy’ Toro revisits many of the themes of his earlier work - Espinazo del diablo / The Devil’s Backbone, set several years after that film it again features the fall out of bloody civil war in Spain. In the midst of the upheaval a vicious commander named Captain Vidal (played with pure malice by Sergi López) has married Ofelia’s mother and is desperate for the son she is carrying to be born so as to extend his line. Vidal is a sadistic fascist of the worst kind, the sort to torture and shoot first, ask questions later, he has casualness to inflicting pain and ending life that puts his very humanity at question.

But Pan’s Labyrinth is all about monsters – be it the vile toad of the first task or the insect life faeries – up to the Pale Man who is a creation so demonically gruesome that he make a Cenobite (angels to some, demons to others) cower before his countenance.

Enough about the plot though – this is a film which you have to let wash over you and not knowing too much about it in advance will really aid your experience. It’s freaky, dark and moving – certainly not for kids or anyone of nervous disposition, but if you enjoy your fantasy from the more macabre end of the scale… enter the labyrinth and sample the bleak delights it holds…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö - the war scenes aren't great, the fantasy ones are
Laughs ö – nope, not that sort of film
Horror öööö – freakishly grim in places
Babes öö – too young or too plain...

Overall ööö1/2 (great in parts but not fully successful)


"do the words 'I wouldn't go in there if I were you' mean anything? "


Darkmatters:H O M E

Film Review: Big Nothing

Big Nothing (15)
Dir. Jean-Baptiste Andrea

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Big Nothing is a funky new crime noir comedy starring the unbelievably comic talented Simon Pegg, up and coming hottie Alice Eve and the ‘Friend’ that I always most wanted to punch… David Schwimmer.

It’s the tale of Charlie (Schwimmer), a frustrated, unemployed teacher driven to an all time low – having to work in an IT support call centre, where he meets dodgy but lovable scammer Gus (Pegg). Gus has a "fool-proof" plan, which involves blackmailing a priest about his online “sins” and Charlie signs up even though he’s married to a cop (McElhone). Hey, what could go wrong? Um, how about everything?
First of all there’s the small matter of Gus’s money hungry ex-girlfriend Josie (Eve) who wants in on the scam, add to that the fact that there’s a famous CIA operative, Special Agent Hymes (Jon Polito) who’s on the trail of a cold blooded serial killer that has been traced to the area and throw in some organised crime linkages and the scene is set for lots of darkly comic fun! Big Nothing is a boiling pot of double and triple crossing where everyone has a hidden agenda and the old adage ‘there’s no honour amongst thieves’ is tested to the limit.

It’s no surprise that absolutely nothing goes according to the “fool-proof” plan – some fools you see can always rise to the occasion to screw things up... Things start badly and rapidly go from ‘extremely bad’ to ‘worse than you can imagine’ as this hyper kinetic live-wire misadventure takes classic noir elements and mixes them up. But sod’s law never looked so good, partly thanks to superb incidental details like a cameo by Mimi Rogers, which must have been brilliant fun (and provides one of the best on screen deaths of all time). The plot goes into overdrive with bodies piling up (and disappearing), Hitchcock like intrigue, Coen brothers’ patented sadistically dark comedy and yet oddly manages to not add up to very much. This is 90 minutes of disposable fun, thrills and chills that you’ll love while it screens but which will evaporate from your mind even as you leave the cinema.

So, if you’re looking for plot twists, clever references to other films and a satisfyingly grim ending, Big Nothing should be your pick this week. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that I even found myself for once not even wanting to punch Schwimmer…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö - Madcap and laugh out loud
Laughs öööö – Yes lots and nicely dark too!
Horror ööö – Some good stuff like axe in head etc
Babes ööö – Alice Eve is v. hot!

Overall öööö (stylish, cool and lots of fun)

Check out the Big Nothing website - it's the best film related site of the year!!

http://www.bignothing.co.uk/

Darkmatters:H O M E

Film review: Puritan

"put this film on your 'must see' list!!

Puritan (12a)

Dir. Hadi Hajaig

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Puritan is the first film from the 4th dimension… A place where time is meaningless, everything is happening all at once and if you had mastery over it you could flit from point to point instantaneously. But before getting too far into the scientific ponderings on offer here – lets finger the occult for a moment… Imagine if the devil himself had once been summoned in the parlour of the house in which you live… And while you’re at it – your house was one of the surviving buildings built and designed by Nicholas Hawksmoor (he whose legend tells of famous London churches designed to glorify the occult, not God).

Actually Hawksmoor's churches have been regarded by many as centres of malevolent energies connected with the Ratcliffe Highway and Whitechapel murders; Could it be that they were positioned at the angles of a sign of Set, or that they harbour cult centres, roaming places for malignancies which have yet to be laid to rest? As a Christian I find this sort of stuff fascinating...

But I digress, Puritan is writer-director Hadi Hajaig's feature film follow up to The Late Twentieth (where a young Londoner who fails to come to the aid of his girlfriend when she's murdered by an armed robber in a convenience store subsequently goes insane and seeks redemption by pursuing malefactors) and rather than madness and gunplay, this is something more bizarre…

Puritan is wonderful modern film noir, shot through with occult horror trappings and gorgeous camerawork. Nick Moran plays Simon Puritan – a washed up journalist / paranormal investigator and some time medium who lives in Whitechapel in an early-18th-century house designed by Hawksmoor (see above). It is the place supposed to be where Aleister Crowley once raised the spirit of Satan and held a conversation with the dark lord himself.

Simon falls for femme fatale / trophy wife Ann Bridges (the spell bindingly hot Georgina Rylance) who is married to dangerous a self help capitalist played by David Soul. Things get complicated and death follows but it’s better if you watch this without detailed knowledge of the plot and it will keep you guessing nicely throughout.

This is a film that hits you from left field, it’s a hard boiled, neo noir modern classic featuring a superb depiction of this year’s best down on his luck anti-hero in Moran who gives a fantastically nuanced performance.
Who is the terribly disfigered man who seems to know the future? How far do Soul’s links to organised crime go? 


Can time and reality really be superimposed in a 4th dimension? 


Puritan is a must see film…



Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):



Action ööö - Enough
Laughs öö – not a comedy
Horror ööö – some nasty stuff but not too much
Babes ööö – Georgina Rylance is gorgeous



Overall öööö (immensley satisfying and cool)


"highly explosive action scene!?"

Darkmatters:H O M E

Harry Potter Kiss Pic - by Order of the Phoenix

"The Grange Hill cast had nothing on these guys..."



"Harry - seconds after being told that the world is about to see him kissing a girl..."


"Smooth Harry... Future Bond material in Mr Radcliffe?"


"of course... some would argue that miss Watson is still the top HP babe"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny: review-licious

Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny (15)
Dir. Liam Lynch

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Do you hear that scream of anguish echoing from the everlasting fires of hell itself…? Is it Beelzebub himself crying over his lost tooth that rockers on earth are using as a pick for their guitars? Oddly enough, yes, that’s exactly the case and Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny tells this unlikely tale in a full-on profane road trip comedy that is quite unlike anything else ever made. It’s a story of hard rock, of mind bending drugs and of how the unholy tooth / pick (of destiny) became a grail like quest for Tenacious D, self-described "Greatest Band on Earth", whose members are JB (Jack Black) and KG (Kyle Gass).
If you thought Jack Black rocked in School of Rock, or have ever bought a Tenacious D record then Pick of Destiny might be your kind of film. It’s totally crass, completely stupid and only just holds together as the plot lurches from one Tenacious D mock metal song to the next. But thanks to Black’s comic genius and Gass’s mild natured straight guy performance it ends up delivering a reasonably fun slice of power sliding heaven anyway. Helped no end by quality cameos from the likes of Ben Stiller, Tim Robbins and genuine metal heads including Meatloaf, Dave Grohl and Ronnie James Dio (yes he of Black Sabbath fame).
So step this way for a film that is a wilfully dim hour and a half of jokes about guitar chords, demons and living the ‘rock dream’ topped off by a climatic rock battle against the devil himself. If on the other hand, the thought of Jack Black using his manhood to disable a security laser network doesn’t bring a smile to you face, then perhaps it’s best to move along and find something with a more meaningful plotline.
And whilst you don’t have to be a Tenacious D fan to enjoy cinematic references such as when JB is attacked by a quartet of droogs straight out of A Clockwork Orange, there isn’t quite enough on offer here to make this more than a fun oddity for most people.
A final word of caution, watching this movie may cause you to dig out old Van Halen albums or similar and burst into frenzied bouts of air guitar and /or power sliding – much to the bemusement of your family, you have been warned.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öö - song based trippy action
Laughs ööö – stoner laughs but some genuine amusement
Horror ööö – fear the lord of metal hell
Babes öö – Brittany Eldridge anyone?

Overall ööö (MF'g Rock Gods Man)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Willa Holland - saviour of the OC ?

"perhaps the OC season 4 might be worth a look after all?"

Willa Holland - muted saviour of the OC and soon to be seen on the big screen in 'Garden Party' which I'm told is the story of a woman attempting to escape her dismal home life by dabbling in the sex trade, posing for pornographic pictures... Sounds ABSOLUTELY awful, I do hope it's not Willa who gets drawn into such a seedy undertaking...
Can you imagine...
Anyway - I think she has the look of a potential future Bond girl!?

Ongoing comparison of who is the cutest upcoming actress out there continues here:

Katrina Bowden

Looking for a cool overview of recent cinematic fun... Check out the:

Carnival of Cinema Episode Viii


Darkmatters: H O M E

Casino Royale Review: Best Bond Ever

Casino Royale (12a)
Dir. Martin Campbell

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

For the 21st time, the names still Bond, James Bond…

Yes Britain’s smoothest export is back in cinemas this week, blonder, tougher and steelier eyed than you might expect but he’s lost none of his macho charm, sophisticate charisma or woman killing eye for a foxy minx. In a nutshell, Casino Royale is Bond getting to do what he does best – getting the girl, killing the baddies and saving the entire planet.

Much has been speculated about new Bond Daniel ‘Layer Cake’ Craig and his ability to adequately step into the impeccably tailored tux recently vacated by Pierce Brosnan. Well, let me say one thing straight away… Craig delivers over and above the call of Queen and Country, and what’s more he pulls off the near impossible feat of making Bond an almost credible entity in our post-modern world.

Director Campbell (who also made Goldeneye) easily trumps his earlier Bond effort with this grittier, darker and altogether more satisfying tale of the super spy’s first major mission. After a breakneck early chase that will leave even the hardest adrenalin junkie gasping for breath, the plot serves up a deliciously high stakes scenario pitting Bond against worldwide terrorist banker Le Chiffre (played by Mads Mikkelsen). And speaking of delicious, Bond babes are taken to a whole new level of gorgeousness by treasury agent Vesper Lynd (the jaw droppingly hot Eva Green).

From the knowing in jokes about Martinis - asked if he likes it shaken or stirred Bond replies: “Do I look like I give a damn?” and several close encounters with Aston Martins, through to the origins of Bond’s misogynistic use of women as playthings, it’s all cracking and compulsive stuff. The centrepiece of the film is an updated high stakes Texas hold ‘em poker game at Casino Royale, shot through with dark undercurrents and violent interludes, you’ll never see a more tense game of cards. And for my money, none of the previous super-villain’s with all their lasers and gadgets have been able to inflict as much pain on Bond as he experiences here both physical and emotional. I must warn men that you might want to cross your legs in anticipation of the naked Bond torture scene; it’s enough to bring tears to your eyes!

So, if you’ve ever enjoyed a Bond movie or are just looking for a great night out, it’s true what might have heard… Blondes do it better…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öööö - Quality and unexpectedly brutal
Laughs ööö – Some really funny moments
Horror ööö – Bond's gonads take a horrible beating!
Babes ööööö – Eva Green is uber babe

Overall öööö (Best Bond Ever!?)


"Eva Green... reaches the places other Bond girls cannot"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Stacked – Pocket Poker Perfection for PSP

Stacked – Pocket Poker Perfection for PSP

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Put your hands up if you want to be a real man. Now you must know that it won’t be an easy path (especially if your female) and there are many many things that a real man needs to be able to master in this world. Some of them you can only achieve through ‘hands on’ experience e.g. the art of making love to a beautiful woman or of successfully shotgunning a beer without spillage or pukage. Others are metaphysical realms of soul searching, spiritual enlightenment and football appreciation. Many of these still require life experience or years of training, but there are a few that can be picked up and learnt to a fair degree using the wonderful slab of pocket sized joy, which is also known as a Sony PSP, and Texas Hold Em Poker is amazingly enough one of these.
Yes, if you want to emulate James Bond in Casino Royale (and I don’t mean the bit where he gets his bollocks whipped with a knotted rope!?) or you just want to learn the game without losing the contents of your bank account to your smirking mates, then basically - you need Stacked… This is all the Hold Em Phenomenon Poker you need wrapped up in a sexy, accessible package that will train you in the basics, give you some professional tips and let you refine your strategy against virtual opponents of varying skills. Then if you’ve got the taste for it, you can wifi play Poker over the internet, or wirelessly against other PSP owning pals without ever having to pick up a real card. One word of caution though – Stacked is highly addictive, so if you’re investing in this quality Poker offering, be prepared to kiss goodbye to doing much else. Stacked fits the PSP beautifully, the fact you can pause and power down at any time, only to immediately jump back into the action at the flick of switch later is great for grabbing a quick Poker fix day or night.
The graphics are great, you can design your Poker playing alter ego in a similar way to how you make a player for say Tiger Woods PGA… Just probably a bit fatter, balder and chavy if you’re looking for Poker realism or smooth, cool and sophisticated if you’re living in a dream world where playing cards for money is a valid career – whatever, the choice is yours...
Stacked by name and ‘stacked with options’ by nature, MTV games have teamed up with blonde Poker master Daniel Negreanu (2004 ESPN Player of the Year, World Poker Tour Player of the Year) to deliver this Poker fest of life eating proportions. As you progress through the game's career mode, you’ll get the chance to apply Dan's teachings to overcome some of poker's most renowned stars, including Josh Arieh, Jennifer Harman, Erick Lindgren, Carlos Mortenson, Evelyn Ng and David Williams. The Poki Artificial Intelligence system utilized in Stacked adapts its tactics in real-time to exploit the user's playing style, detecting tendencies and deploying appropriate counter-strategies to deliver a challenging and authentic experience. Basically, you won’t find a finer Poker game on any format at the moment.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Overall öööö (Pokermon - got to catch em all, or lose all your cash etc)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Katrina Bowden - puts the 'hot' into 30 Rock

'Full marks to the costume designer'

Isn't it great when a nameless source tips you off about how cute Katrina Bowden is in the new U.S. comedy '30 Rock'..?

I had never heard of her so I checked it out and sure enough I now have to concur!

Watch this scene on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WASH5HcONg

But is she as cute as Leighton Meester?

More news of Miss Bowden on Darkmatters http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2007/11/katrina-bowden-so-very-hot.html

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Sixty Six

Sixty Six (12a)
Dir. Paul Weiland

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

It’s the question that every boy asks. It’s a mystery as deep as the world itself. It’s also the core of Sixty Six – a heart-warming coming-of-age tale that delves into that key moment in a boy’s life – when he ‘becomes a man’.
Billed as "a true...ish story", Sixty Six takes us back to the hazy summer of '66, to an England on the verge of a World Cup fever which for once yielded more than a contagion of car flags, a couple of novelty songs and endless ongoing recriminations as to ‘what went wrong’. This was a glorious year, the year when we took on the best in the world and came out on top but for 12 year-old Bernie Reuben (Gregg Sulkin) it was more than that – it was the summer he became a man.

Yes, if you’re born into the Jewish faith then most of your childhood is likely to be spent working towards your ‘Bar Mitzvah’ – the ceremonial celebration of your leaving childhood. I’m told that ‘Bar’ is Aramaic for ‘son’, and ‘Mitzvah’ is Hebrew for ‘commandment’ so the event literally means when you become a "son of the commandment." It’s a great day where you are the complete focus of attention, you get to read from the Torah in the synagogue and then there’s a big party in your honour. It should be a day to remember and for young Bernie it will be, unfortunately though his Bar Mitzvah is scheduled for the same day, at the same time as England play in the final of the World Cup…

Even though his uncle Jimmy (a fun wide boy performance from Brit talent Peter Serafinowicz) tells him: "England's got two chances - no chance and fat chance," Bernie is consumed with trepidation that the unlikely English national team will somehow make it the final and wreck his big day.
In case this all sounds a bit depressing, as per most Working Title films it is interspersed with some engagingly funny scenes – helped in no little part by having talent like comic genius Catherine Tate on hand.

Sixty Six might not be a ‘must see’ but if you want some heady football nostalgia wrapped up in an well produced story, this delivers a final act pay off that will warm the hardest of hearts. And in the afterglow of Spurs beating Chelsea that’s good enough for me!

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öö - solid momentum
Laughs ööö – Some really funny bits
Horror öö – Unless you fear Jews for any reason...
Babes ööö – Helena Bonham Carter still yummy

Overall ööö (competent and fun)


"she's still got it..."

Darkmatters: H O M E