Alexander: Director’s Cut (15)
Dir. Oliver Stone
Reviewed by Matt Adcock
Fortune favours the bold – or so they say. What they should add however is that fortunes can be wasted on films that still suck harder than a crazed crack addicted hooker… Obviously I’d heard how bad Alexander was supposed to be but some perverse voice in my head told me to watch it anyway (I do like most of Oliver Stone’s stuff).
Oh dear… Alexander leapt straight to the top of my “suckage beyond the call of duty” chart in one camp bound… Farrell looks lost throughout and doesn’t convince as he tries to make out that he’s into guys. The only things worth watching were the battles and even they were confused affairs lacking any real excitement. The dialogue was stilted with such classic lines as: “Shut your foul mouth, you ten-titted bitch from Hades!”
And the lighting was all wrong – it really felt like a TV movie, and not a good one at that… I was depressed and bored by the end of the director's cut (which is nine minutes shorter than the 175-minute theatrical version) even though it supposedly flows better…
So as the sun sinks slowly on a major botch job of a movie – all I will take away from this is that apparently all Macedonians spoke with an unconvincing Irish accent… Note to self – don’t listen to that perverse voice in your head on film recommendations ever again…
Darkmatt Rating: ö (Alexander might have been gay - but he didn't make me merry)