Matt gets review nicked - some other bugger gets award for it!!

"the dark side of reviewing... when people nick them and claim them as their own..."

This is funny - noticed some strange people clicking over from Freeola Gameaday today and when I tracked over there I found that some 'creative' person had copied one of my reviews (my PS3 initial reaction) and posted it there uncredited (has now added my name to it) and won £30 Amazon vouchers for his trouble...

It's always nice to be noticed and even better to be deemed worthy of 'award winning' status...
Darkmatters: H O M E

Amber Heard - New film hottie on the scene...

"she's got the looks... and her film career is taking off - hold tight!?"

 Amber Heard - smokin hot!!A friend asked me the other day when I was going to post some new 'film babe shots' - I said "as soon as I came across a new hottie worth taking notice of..."

I think you'll agree that Amber Heard fits that bill quite well!?

Catch the delectable miss Heard this Summer in:
Horror flick - All the Boys Love Mandy Lane

or in drama flick -
 H O M E Day 73 with Sarah

or in comedy flick - The Beautiful Ordinary (which also features previous 'Darkmatters babes of note' - Leighton Meester and Marne Patterson)
"These shots are the from the short lived 'Hidden Palms' which tried to replace the O.C."
As Cmndt. Eric Lassard would say in Police Academy:
"I think this picture speaks for itself!!"
"Not sure who that bloke is in the background... nice hair mate..."

These great shots of Amber and her sister can be found here

Darkmatters:

"And soon the darkness - quality acting!"

"Amber Heard can sunbathe with the best of them!"

Shrek the Third - review

"still big, and green... and on the screen"

Shrek the Third (U)
Dir. Chris Miller

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Dear Sir or Madame, you are cordially invited to return to a land ‘Far Far Away’ – having just returned I am delighted to report that there is once again much for you to enjoy. Come and join everyone’s favourite jolly green ogre as he faces a challenge bigger than fighting dragons, rescuing princesses or overthrowing wicked fairy godmothers put together… yes, Shrek is about to face fatherhood and it’s an absolute blast!!
This time Shrek (Mike Myers) is bequeathed the throne of Far Far Away by his dying froggy father-in-law (the excellent John Cleese). He isn’t actually ogre the moon about this unexpected Kingship and so he sets off on a quest to a medieval high school to seek the ‘true’ next in line to the throne – a geeky kid named Artie (Justin Timberlake).
But while he’s away the total rotter Prince Charming (Rupert Everett) stages a coup and takes over to create his dream of ‘Happily Never After’ – one where there’s no room for greens.
Shrek has his work cut out to wrest back control, support his pregnant Mrs and deliver the green flavoured gags that have made these films such successes (Shrek 2 made nearly a billion dollars world wide). Shrek’s strength though – as always - is in his friends and along with Fiona and he gang of butt kicking girl power fairytale princesses, he is ably aided and abetted by Donkey and Puss In Boots plus Artie’s wizard pal Merlin (a classy cameo from Eric Idle).
Even though we’ve seen most of what Shrek has to offer at least twice before, it’s great to spend some more quality time with the big guy. As ‘threequels’ go Shrek the Third keeps up the standard for the series and is packed with enough inventive riffs off pop culture and film references to warrant you booking your tickets.
I especially enjoyed watching Snow White using her animal friends to battle evil trees (obviously dodgy relatives of the Ents in Lord of the Rings) and a show stopping body swap by Puss and Donkey. Some folks have been telling me that this helping of Shrekness isn’t a patch on the first two but I have to heartily disagree. For me you can’t have too much Shrek in your life and as a parent I found it especially reassuring to see that even ogres can be daunted at the prospect of raising a family. If you’re looking for a good family friendly film this week - go green!

Out of 5 you have to go with a surprisingly solid 3 and a half (highly enjoyable addition to the Shrek family)...

Darkmatters ratings:

Action ööö – more action orientated than the last one
Laughs öööö – plenty to keep you going
Horror ö – even little kids won't flinch
Babes öö – some of those princesses are babes...

Overall ööö1/2 (lots of fun)


"new school entertainment!"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Vacancy - review

"check in... never check out!? - but why bother..."

Vacancy (15)
Dir. Nimród Antal

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Welcome to the Pinewood Motel – a picturesque little guesthouse, ideally placed miles from civilisation where you can get away from it all, just don’t plan on ever going home… Yes we’re knee deep in Norman Bates Psychoville territory here, updated for the noughties to include added snuff film nastiness and the ‘gorgeous but ever so slightly dull’ Kate Beckinsale. Hotshot Hungarian director Nimród ‘Kontroll’ Antal takes an intriguingly grim premise - twisted motel owner films the violent murders of his ‘guests’ for profit and after a decent opening set up that ups a considerable amount of tension, bottles out of delivering anything worth wasting your time on.
Vacancy obviously has aspirations to be mentioned in the same sentence as hardcore horror efforts like Hostel but simply hasn’t got the conviction to deliver the required chills. It’s all very well to tease sickos with over the shoulder glimpses of videos depicting the grisly demise of previous residents but the only gruesomeness actually offered up is the shocking unbelievable family friendly ending.
Not that there’s anything wrong with a horror film ‘lite’ like this – as long as you know what you’re getting into from the beginning i.e. lots of running, hiding and clichéd moments that you can see coming a mile away.
So we get to join grieving couple David and Amy, who are planning to break up following the death of their son, however things get a bit spicy when they find themselves lined up to have inadvertent roles in a real life snuff movie. But it’s incredible what battling for your life together can do for your relationship and so don’t be too surprised if there’s a reconciliation in the offing – if they can just live that long. In fact you could probably even market couple counselling courses based on the ‘run for your lives or end up dead on video footage for weirdos’ concept? Hhhmm, no maybe not.
The cast stumble through the predictable plot elements – creepy manager (Frank Whaley), team of tooled up psychopathic wackos waiting to slaughter the unsuspecting guests, hidden cameras ready to record their demise etc.
In the end however, Vacancy is as mainstream as it’s possible to get with a storyline like this and whilst it is competently put together it won’t be remembered as a classic slasher horror by any means.I was hoping to at least be a little bit terrified and possibly grossed out too; instead I ended up just slightly bored which can’t be a good sign.

Out of 5 you have to go with a 2 (one mark for the concept, one more for the opening half an hour)...

Darkmatters ratings:

Action ööö – some but not enough
Laughs ö – very few
Horror ööö – not enough for this genre
Babes ööö – I still fancy Beckinsale

Overall öö (less than the sum of its parts)


"Kate looks for her agent - for some 'negotiation' about getting her this part"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Matt Adcock meets Jessica Alba

"Oh man, second time in the company of the hottest woman on the planet..."


Matt Adcock meets Jessica Alba

When I heard that the cast were coming over to London to promote the new Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer movie, I was a happy man. Mostly because I might get the chance to spend some time with Jessica Alba – the woman voted winner of FHM Magazine’s ‘100 Sexiest Woman of the 2007’.
And so after catching the new Fantastic Four film and marvelling at the amazing Silver Surfer, in walks Miss Alba, wearing a cool pinstripe dress and we get down to business.

Matt: Hi Jessica, how was it returning to the role of Invisible Woman?

Jessica: “In the first film I was trying to figure it out and stay as close to the comic book as possible. Now I already knew the character so had lots of freedom.”

Matt: And how was it working with the super cool Silver Surfer in the new movie?

Jessica: “Well, he’s just this amazing physical specimen – he’s not only this silver, sinewy, muscle-y guy, but he’s also innocent. He’s very interesting because he’s so misunderstood.”

Matt: He seemed to have a soft spot for Invisible Woman in the film?

Jessica: “Yeah, I love that my character has a connection with him, because she’s maternal and has great feminine instincts. The boys are so raw and their ready to fight and pass judgement when they feel something is threatening the universe, whereas Sue tries to look past the situation and see something beyond the obvious.”

Matt: What did you think of the team’s car?

Jessica: “The Fantasticar is amazing. They took this car to such a new level – it really looks futuristic and totally cool.”

Matt: How do you feel about the action figures of your character?

Jessica: “It’s completely surreal. But I love it, my family especially have collected the dolls which is nice.”


"The costume... nice and tight!"

Matt: What about the costume? Did you get to keep one?

Jessica: “No, I haven’t got my Invisible Woman suit and to be honest I don’t think I want one – it’s just too tight!”

Matt: I’d say that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but finally how would you rate your comic book experience this time?

Jessica: “There’s an amazing fan loyalty and the comic book fans have specific ideas of how exactly how they’d like to see things portrayed. There is nothing better though than when a little girl comes and looks up to you because you’re their hero.”


"It's the car, chicks dig the car..."

You can catch Jessica as Invisible Woman in Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer is in cinemas this week.

My Review here: http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2007/06/fantastic-four-rise-of-silver-surfer.html

Last time we met: http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2005/07/matt-adcock-meets-jessica-alba-and.html

Fantastic Four - Rise of the Silver Surfer - review

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (PG) 

Dir. Tim Story

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

All that you know, is at an end… The cosmic entity known as the Silver Surfer has been spotted in the skies heralding the doom of our planet - for the people of earth nothing will be the same…

Fantastic Four was a fun knockabout popcorn superhero flick which made more than $330million in cinemas – so it was really only a matter of time before the ‘first family of superheroes’ burst back onto our screens. Now the blue suited team of the stretchy Mr Fantastic (Ioan Gruffudd), flame coated Human Torch (Chris Evans), brick faced The Thing (Michael Chiklis) and the lycra clad Invisible Woman (Jessica Alba) are up against one of the most iconic Marvel comic book characters of all time.

Fantastic 4 Rise of the Silver Surfer is the perfect summer movie – special effects that work, good action, lots of fun and the coolest superhero ever to grace the screen in Silver Surfer. The film flashes by, dashing from scene to scene and it maintains the kooky family friendly feel of the first movie so while it won’t please those looking for serious brooding dark escapism; it is liable to be a big hit with younger superhero fans.

The Silver Surfer is undoubtedly the star; he’s an amazing creation and that rarest of beasts in a CGI character that actually works. Unfortunately for the people of earth he’s working for the massive planet destroying force known as Galactus which means that the world as we know it will end if the Fantastic Four can’t find a way to intervene. Just to make things even worse, Dr Doom decides to stage a comeback too and so the heroes really have their work cut out for them this time. There are lots of fun elements including the introduction of the ‘Fantasticar’ (a nifty 20-foot long flying vehicle) and the fact that the cosmic powers of the surfer make for some power swaps amongst the heroes.

Rise of the Silver Surfer builds nicely on the first film and delivers the wham bam visual spectacle you want e.g. a surfer induced crisis on the London Eye is one high point. Also this is a sequel which refreshingly doesn’t outstay its welcome unlike certain other ‘hero’ films with seriously bloated running times. So, it might not change your life but it will entertain and that is surely what comic books are all about?

Out of 5 you have to go with a kid friendly super-em-up which is fun to watch and worth a 3...

Darkmatters ratings:
Action ööö – surfer thrills a go go
Laughs ööö – good natured mirth
Horror ö – only Alba's acting ability
Babes öööö – JessicaOverall ööö


"Human Torch get's 'clobberin power' at one point!"
"Human woman, your knowledge is at an end... but you have a very nice ass!"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Ocean's Thirteen - review

Ocean’s Thirteen (PG)
Dir. Steven Soderbergh

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“This town might have changed, but not me. I know people highly invested in my survival, and they are people who really know how to hurt in ways you can't even imagine…”

What can you do when you follow up one of the most cool, hip, slick crime capers like Ocean’s Eleven with an overblown and self indulgent misstep like Ocean’s Twelve? Well, Ocean’s Thirteen I guess – so place your bets - is it third time lucky or is 13 an unlucky number for the general viewing public?

My advice is to step right up and put down your cash for the highest rolling crime spree to hit the cinema this year. Director Soderbergh pulls out all the stops to deliver a seriously fun blast of achingly cool ‘heist-em-up’ that is pretty much guaranteed to put a smile on your face. This time it’s personal as Danny Ocean (George Clooney – looking better than ever) reassembles his crew in order to take down nasty casino boss Willie Bank (Al Pacino in snarling baddie mode). The reason is that Ocean's former sponsor Reuben (Elliott Gould) suffers a heart attack when he is stitched up by Bank in a ruthless piece of underhanded business dealing.
So Clooney, aided by Brad Pitt, Matt Damon and all the original crew (but no sign of Julia Roberts or Catherine Zeta Jones) gear up for a Casino smash-and-grab so audacious that they even have to draft in one time sworn enemy Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia). Up against a semi sentient computer security system that wouldn’t look out of place in a Terminator film, the Armani clad loveable scoundrels resort to every dirty trick in the book – and even make up some new ones too. Bed bugs, helicopters, false noses, pheromones, channel tunnel digging machines, bribery, coercion and masses of clever slight of hand are all employed in an plan which redefines ‘over the top’.
It’s all jolly good fun and looks amazing in super saturated colours and flamboyant casino chic. What’s really nice is that because the mission is basically the ‘good guys’ taking down a very dislikeable scumbag you’ll feel no qualms about rooting for them. In fact watching the heroes sticking it to the money grabbing Bank (who has the villainous François Toulour from the last film also on his side) is nothing short of an endorphin rush.
Even if Ocean’s Twelve didn’t ‘do it’ for you, this one is worth taking a punt on!!

Out of 5 you have to go with a fun, cool, slick piece of entertainment that is worth 3.5...

Darkmatters ratings:

Action ööö – enough
Laughs öööö – plenty
Horror ö – nothing too disturbing
Babes ööö – unconventionally pretty, and utterly mesmerizing, Ellen Barkin

Overall ööö1/2


"Ellen Barkin - looking damn good for 53!!"

Darkmatters: H O M E

PS3 breaks million sold landmark in Europe

"PS3 going faster than 'hot cakes' over here - can't imagine why they are selling so well!?"

Sony Computer Entertainment Europe president David Reeves has confirmed that the PlayStation 3 has passed the million sales mark in PAL territories, which include Europe and Australia.

Nice work Sony - and this is before the year's 'big games' come out...

The PS3 has taken ten weeks to pass the million mark. According to Sony the company had shipped 1.62 million units and Reeves confirmed the one million figure was sold to consumers rather then to retail, he exlained:

“Early last week we went through the one million mark on PS3. And we did that in nine and a half weeks. That was faster than both PS2 and PSOne. And I think that the analysts out there will also realise that it’s faster than our brothers and sisters in the competitive world.”

That means that the PlayStation 3 has confirmed sales of 910,737 in Japan to June 3 and 1,276,000 in the US to May 5, so with the PAL million, that means there have been 3,186,737 PS3s sold worldwide...

Star Wars Exhibition - London

The Force is strong in London at the moment...


"Me and my boys go to visit the Star Wars exhibition - hard to tell who was more excited about it..."


"R2 D2 wasn't famed for his stealth but he managed to creep up behind Jedi Jim (see below)"


"Jim Adcock - A New Hope... Jedi Training and a lightsabre duel against Darth himself was a highlight!!"

Get in touch with your inner Jedi - here's the link to the exhibition site (highly recommended for SW nuts - especially if you have kids!)
http://www.starwars-theexhibition.com/index.html

Paradise Lost (Turistas) - review

Paradise Lost (18)
Dir. John Stockwell

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Wanted: internal organs, kidneys and livers in particular – must be in good working order, preferable donors to be good looking backpackers… We are happy to remove them, all you have to do is turn up in the wrong place at the wrong time – leave the rest to us…
Director John ‘Into The Blue’ Stockwell is a man who specialises in making women look good on screen and he continues his ‘all females must be wearing bikinis for most of the film’ mantra in this tropical tale of death and misadventure in Brazil. Playing out like Hostel by the sea, Paradise Lost (or Turistas to give it its original title) delivers tropical, good looking, but ultimately by the numbers slaughter and peril. It’s the unhappy tale of a group of young hedonistic backpackers who find themselves in for some nasty involuntary organ donation whilst on vacation. There’s even an attempt at political messaging in amongst the drinking, smooching and machete wielding. Something like because western governments and corporations are responsible for exploiting the natural resources of foreign countries, it’s apparently little surprise that they want to hack up our citizens when they come visiting…
So U.S. travellers Alex (Josh Duhamel) and little his sister Bea (Olivia Wilde) meet Brit wideboy Finn (Desmond Askew) and sexy Aussie Pru (Melissa George) plus a couple of others and party hard at a beachfront bar. Next morning they awake dazed and confused having been drugged and had all their belongings stolen. This however is just the beginning of their nightmare as they soon find themselves at the mercy of crazed doctor / serial killer Dr. Zamora (Miguel Lunardi), who has intentions on their insides… Cue life or death struggle, a scene of surgery that is definitely not for the faint at heart and much running, swimming and hiding. Who will live, who will die? If you like horror films then you’ve probably seen variations on this theme many many times before but rarely have the protagonists been so attractive or spent so much time in swimwear.
Paradise Lost is watchable but uneven in pace and probably not a great pick for a date movie - one woman in the screening I caught turned to her partner and shouted ‘what the hell have you brought me to see?’ at one of the more unpleasant points.
Despite that unless you’re considering a backpack holiday somewhere exotic this year it is unlikely to be remembered for long.

Out of 5 you have to go with an eye catching but ultimately pointless 2.5...



"some reasons you might want to check out Paradise Lost"

The Hitcher (remake) - review

"nice car - shame about the film..."

The Hitcher (15)
Dir. Dave Myers

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Here we are again – watching aghast as Hollywood spews out another mediocre new version of a perfectly good film… Accompanied to the sound of easy money being plucked from the pockets of cinemagoers who were either too young to see or those who still harbour positive feelings towards the original. I must admit that it’s easy to find yourself curious to see what a hot music video director, new cast and bigger budget can do with the ready to use materials.
The Hitcher was an original 1986 bona fide cult classic, featuring Rutger Hauer as a psychopathic hitchhiker who torments a young couple by murdering everyone around them in highway based deadly game of cat and mouse. Not much has changed in the 2007 incarnation except that this time Sean Bean takes over the role of the ‘last person you’ll ever pick up’ and has a decent stab, shot, strangle and dismember at the role…
Turns out that he’s the only decent member of the cast (never thought I’d write that about our own Mr Bean).
The new version’s cinematography might be gorgeous and they do have a cooler car this time but eye candy alone cannot make up for the overall tension bypass. Female viewers may be happy that the writers decided to empower women everywhere by making the girlfriend the heroine rather than the original’s heroic boyfriend – but this move takes away the whole underlying them of the disturbed Hitcher helping the boy become a man – through homicide…
The new Hitcher fails to do almost anything as well as the original, characters just don’t ring true, their motives are inexcusably muddled, and the plot is a master class in how to surgically remove many of the best bits of the film you are remaking.
Call me a weirdo but just for once wouldn’t it be nice find a remake that ramped up the horror and slipped in new mind blowing scenes instead of watering down or ejecting most of what made the original so effective. The Hitcher might please a few new horror fans that have been raised on the weak, gutless so called ‘horror’ movies of the last few years but for anyone looking for decent scary road based mayhem, the original is still where it’s at.

Out of 5 - you have to go with a generous 2.5 (for smooth camera work, the car and Sean Bean's effort)


"look - I'm fit and I have a gun..."