Darkmatters Review: Killers

Killers (12a)

Dir. Robert Luketic

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

You see that guy? He’s my neighbour, you know the type, the one who always nods to you as you leave for work? He seems like a friendly sort, often waving or giving a warm smile… What if I told you he was actually a planted ‘sleeper’ agent – placed into my life in order to kill me should I become a threat to the system?

I know that might sound a bit far fetched but then I guess I ought to tell you that I’m not just a film reviewer but actually a professional killer who is trying to ‘get out’ of the business and lead a more ‘normal’ life with my family…

It isn’t easy existing like this – anyone I know could be standing by, just waiting for the order to take me out. Would make a good plot for a film though!?

Killers is that film – my role’s character Spencer is played by the Ashton (still trading on his cute looks) Kutcher, he’s a contract killer, one of the best covert assassins operating for a shady US government dept. His dream of settling down in the suburbs appears to have come true when he meets the lovely and newly single Jen (Katherine Heigl) and the two promptly fall in love.

They make a hot couple notching up several years of married bliss (despite her meddling parents – her dad played brilliantly by Tom Selleck who hasn’t been this good since Magnum). Spencer believes he has successfully hidden his violent past but one day a note from his old boss puts him in danger and it catches up with him fast.

"who's cuter?"

Director Robert ‘The Ugly Truth’ Luketic doesn’t go for classic or cutting edge films – what he does deliver are likeable slabs of disposable fun. Killers is funny, a kind of ‘rom-gun-com’ in the vein of Mr & Mrs Smith and despite Cineworld Luton attendant Paul looking dubious when I checked in – I enjoyed it much more than I though I would.
Ashton is on good form here, he makes a likeable lead and surprisingly convincing action hero, he also rustles up some good chemistry with Heigl who adds another romantic comedy to her growing list.

2010 is serving up some good date movies which add action / violence to keep the alpha males happy. Good times.

UNSEEN DELETED SCENE:

Kutcher and Heigl cross paths with Pitt and Jolie from Mr & Mrs Smith and have to fight to the death with automatic weaponry...


Darkmatters rating: ööööööö (7 lite rom-com shootouts out of 10)

Darkmatters quick reference guide: Action 8 / Style 6 / Babes 8 / Comedy 7 / Horror 4 / Spiritual Enlightenment 2


Check out another 'less positive' review here (MOVIE CYNICS)

Are we human? Or are we Dancer?

The Killers are back... but are they Human?

I am a massive fan of The Killers (click here for their site: http://www.thekillersmusic.com/)

And it is with excitement that I anticipate their new album 'Day and Age' which hits next month.

First single 'Human ' is a stomper here's the unofficial youtubetastic rendition (which doesn't have the video):


"My sign is vital. My hands are cold"


My best guess at what their going on about with the 'are we human, or are we dancer?' lyrics is that they must be inspired by the loony / genius Hunter S. Thompson who once wrote about how America was raising "a generation of dancers".


But I could be wrong... Anyway - I managed to bag tickets to their London O2 February 24th show which has made me very very happy!?


As a Christian I am drawn to the line in 'Human' that says "I'm on knees, looking for the answer" - have been there many times... good stuff...



"this is the day and age..."



Previous posts about The Killers:


Killers tour 06


Doesnt look a thing like Jesus

Hitman - Darkmatters Competition Winners

So it's been over a month and the entries are in...

Here are top 'fantasy hits' submitted - names taken off to protect the innocent - some of you have won so check your emails / watch the post for Hitman branded goodies coming your way!! What can I say except that you're sick bunch... but I love ya!!

The 'Best' HIT
I'd have Noel Edmonds as my fantasy hit, chopped up and stuffed into those 15 red boxes.
Deal he he...

The 'Tasty' HIT
I’d take out Gordon Ramsey with exploding tomatoes. I’d kidnap one of the chefs appearing on “Ramsey’s kitchen nightmares” and leave a resignation letter that I get the chef to sign saying something like “I find it impossible to work with that man Ramsey…etc.”, then present myself that day as a chef (with forged references - they’ll be so desperate to take me on that they won’t check them). I prepare a salad and slip in some of the explosive tomatoes that I’ve had specially made. I do the presentation of the salad so badly that Ramsey shouts and screams and takes over saying “this is how you present a f******* salad”. I then take a few steps back and detonate the tomatoes by remote control. In all the ensuing chaos I flee…Job done.

The 'Can relate to' HIT
I would like to fantasy hit the person who was in front of me at tesco on christmas eve and had the last turkey

The 'Savage' HIT
I would assassinate Louis Walsh by method of strangling him with my barehands! (while playing Same Difference in earphones on his head). Can you tell Im a sad x factor fan?

The 'Might actually happen' HIT
My mum's boyfriend - he dresses in womens clothing (no joke!) and is a sex addict!!!!! How would I accomplish it - I would electrocute his caravan!

The 'Been watching SAW films too much?' HIT
I would take out Pete Doherty I would do this by locking him in a David Blaine style box hung above the River Thames and watching him detox and die infront of the world. To make it even better I would have another box next to him that was full of drugs that he couldn't get to.

The 'Might not need to bother' HIT
I'd have Britney Spears taken out for crimes against fashion. The fashion police will arrest her andsentence her to to a lifetime with a good stylist or death.

The 'Why bother?' HIT
Ok, I’d kill Gareth Gates by convincing him to bungee off the top of a tall building with a cut rope so it breaks!

The 'Overly detailed' HIT
Denis Norden, how it would happen – Filming the 100th “it’ll Be Alright On The Night” and it will go out with a bang, He will be dropping in all his cheesy one liners and his not-so funny jokes, he’ll be in front of the blue/green screens with random images going past, and sand bags all above him. I have two options, 1. cut the ropes that hold up the sandbags, or 2. break his neck and become… Denis Norden for the night… Which I would HATE! So its back to option 1, it would be a busy studio and they would be filming like there’s no tomorrow, I would be disguised as a props man and would have already broken his neck and buried him in the “trash”, I would now be right next to the sand bags and have found a Stanley knife lying on the side, I would pick it up and when he was in position I would slowly start to cut the rope, the bag would fall and crush his neck. As this happened I would walk away casually while everyone else was in a panic rushing towards a flimsy Denis Norden, escaping back to reality...

Look out for the Darkmatters JUNO competition launching this week!

Darkmatters: H O M E