Harry Potter Kiss Pic - by Order of the Phoenix

"The Grange Hill cast had nothing on these guys..."



"Harry - seconds after being told that the world is about to see him kissing a girl..."


"Smooth Harry... Future Bond material in Mr Radcliffe?"


"of course... some would argue that miss Watson is still the top HP babe"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny: review-licious

Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny (15)
Dir. Liam Lynch

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Do you hear that scream of anguish echoing from the everlasting fires of hell itself…? Is it Beelzebub himself crying over his lost tooth that rockers on earth are using as a pick for their guitars? Oddly enough, yes, that’s exactly the case and Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny tells this unlikely tale in a full-on profane road trip comedy that is quite unlike anything else ever made. It’s a story of hard rock, of mind bending drugs and of how the unholy tooth / pick (of destiny) became a grail like quest for Tenacious D, self-described "Greatest Band on Earth", whose members are JB (Jack Black) and KG (Kyle Gass).
If you thought Jack Black rocked in School of Rock, or have ever bought a Tenacious D record then Pick of Destiny might be your kind of film. It’s totally crass, completely stupid and only just holds together as the plot lurches from one Tenacious D mock metal song to the next. But thanks to Black’s comic genius and Gass’s mild natured straight guy performance it ends up delivering a reasonably fun slice of power sliding heaven anyway. Helped no end by quality cameos from the likes of Ben Stiller, Tim Robbins and genuine metal heads including Meatloaf, Dave Grohl and Ronnie James Dio (yes he of Black Sabbath fame).
So step this way for a film that is a wilfully dim hour and a half of jokes about guitar chords, demons and living the ‘rock dream’ topped off by a climatic rock battle against the devil himself. If on the other hand, the thought of Jack Black using his manhood to disable a security laser network doesn’t bring a smile to you face, then perhaps it’s best to move along and find something with a more meaningful plotline.
And whilst you don’t have to be a Tenacious D fan to enjoy cinematic references such as when JB is attacked by a quartet of droogs straight out of A Clockwork Orange, there isn’t quite enough on offer here to make this more than a fun oddity for most people.
A final word of caution, watching this movie may cause you to dig out old Van Halen albums or similar and burst into frenzied bouts of air guitar and /or power sliding – much to the bemusement of your family, you have been warned.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öö - song based trippy action
Laughs ööö – stoner laughs but some genuine amusement
Horror ööö – fear the lord of metal hell
Babes öö – Brittany Eldridge anyone?

Overall ööö (MF'g Rock Gods Man)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Willa Holland - saviour of the OC ?

"perhaps the OC season 4 might be worth a look after all?"

Willa Holland - muted saviour of the OC and soon to be seen on the big screen in 'Garden Party' which I'm told is the story of a woman attempting to escape her dismal home life by dabbling in the sex trade, posing for pornographic pictures... Sounds ABSOLUTELY awful, I do hope it's not Willa who gets drawn into such a seedy undertaking...
Can you imagine...
Anyway - I think she has the look of a potential future Bond girl!?

Ongoing comparison of who is the cutest upcoming actress out there continues here:

Katrina Bowden

Looking for a cool overview of recent cinematic fun... Check out the:

Carnival of Cinema Episode Viii


Darkmatters: H O M E

Casino Royale Review: Best Bond Ever

Casino Royale (12a)
Dir. Martin Campbell

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

For the 21st time, the names still Bond, James Bond…

Yes Britain’s smoothest export is back in cinemas this week, blonder, tougher and steelier eyed than you might expect but he’s lost none of his macho charm, sophisticate charisma or woman killing eye for a foxy minx. In a nutshell, Casino Royale is Bond getting to do what he does best – getting the girl, killing the baddies and saving the entire planet.

Much has been speculated about new Bond Daniel ‘Layer Cake’ Craig and his ability to adequately step into the impeccably tailored tux recently vacated by Pierce Brosnan. Well, let me say one thing straight away… Craig delivers over and above the call of Queen and Country, and what’s more he pulls off the near impossible feat of making Bond an almost credible entity in our post-modern world.

Director Campbell (who also made Goldeneye) easily trumps his earlier Bond effort with this grittier, darker and altogether more satisfying tale of the super spy’s first major mission. After a breakneck early chase that will leave even the hardest adrenalin junkie gasping for breath, the plot serves up a deliciously high stakes scenario pitting Bond against worldwide terrorist banker Le Chiffre (played by Mads Mikkelsen). And speaking of delicious, Bond babes are taken to a whole new level of gorgeousness by treasury agent Vesper Lynd (the jaw droppingly hot Eva Green).

From the knowing in jokes about Martinis - asked if he likes it shaken or stirred Bond replies: “Do I look like I give a damn?” and several close encounters with Aston Martins, through to the origins of Bond’s misogynistic use of women as playthings, it’s all cracking and compulsive stuff. The centrepiece of the film is an updated high stakes Texas hold ‘em poker game at Casino Royale, shot through with dark undercurrents and violent interludes, you’ll never see a more tense game of cards. And for my money, none of the previous super-villain’s with all their lasers and gadgets have been able to inflict as much pain on Bond as he experiences here both physical and emotional. I must warn men that you might want to cross your legs in anticipation of the naked Bond torture scene; it’s enough to bring tears to your eyes!

So, if you’ve ever enjoyed a Bond movie or are just looking for a great night out, it’s true what might have heard… Blondes do it better…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öööö - Quality and unexpectedly brutal
Laughs ööö – Some really funny moments
Horror ööö – Bond's gonads take a horrible beating!
Babes ööööö – Eva Green is uber babe

Overall öööö (Best Bond Ever!?)


"Eva Green... reaches the places other Bond girls cannot"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Stacked – Pocket Poker Perfection for PSP

Stacked – Pocket Poker Perfection for PSP

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Put your hands up if you want to be a real man. Now you must know that it won’t be an easy path (especially if your female) and there are many many things that a real man needs to be able to master in this world. Some of them you can only achieve through ‘hands on’ experience e.g. the art of making love to a beautiful woman or of successfully shotgunning a beer without spillage or pukage. Others are metaphysical realms of soul searching, spiritual enlightenment and football appreciation. Many of these still require life experience or years of training, but there are a few that can be picked up and learnt to a fair degree using the wonderful slab of pocket sized joy, which is also known as a Sony PSP, and Texas Hold Em Poker is amazingly enough one of these.
Yes, if you want to emulate James Bond in Casino Royale (and I don’t mean the bit where he gets his bollocks whipped with a knotted rope!?) or you just want to learn the game without losing the contents of your bank account to your smirking mates, then basically - you need Stacked… This is all the Hold Em Phenomenon Poker you need wrapped up in a sexy, accessible package that will train you in the basics, give you some professional tips and let you refine your strategy against virtual opponents of varying skills. Then if you’ve got the taste for it, you can wifi play Poker over the internet, or wirelessly against other PSP owning pals without ever having to pick up a real card. One word of caution though – Stacked is highly addictive, so if you’re investing in this quality Poker offering, be prepared to kiss goodbye to doing much else. Stacked fits the PSP beautifully, the fact you can pause and power down at any time, only to immediately jump back into the action at the flick of switch later is great for grabbing a quick Poker fix day or night.
The graphics are great, you can design your Poker playing alter ego in a similar way to how you make a player for say Tiger Woods PGA… Just probably a bit fatter, balder and chavy if you’re looking for Poker realism or smooth, cool and sophisticated if you’re living in a dream world where playing cards for money is a valid career – whatever, the choice is yours...
Stacked by name and ‘stacked with options’ by nature, MTV games have teamed up with blonde Poker master Daniel Negreanu (2004 ESPN Player of the Year, World Poker Tour Player of the Year) to deliver this Poker fest of life eating proportions. As you progress through the game's career mode, you’ll get the chance to apply Dan's teachings to overcome some of poker's most renowned stars, including Josh Arieh, Jennifer Harman, Erick Lindgren, Carlos Mortenson, Evelyn Ng and David Williams. The Poki Artificial Intelligence system utilized in Stacked adapts its tactics in real-time to exploit the user's playing style, detecting tendencies and deploying appropriate counter-strategies to deliver a challenging and authentic experience. Basically, you won’t find a finer Poker game on any format at the moment.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Overall öööö (Pokermon - got to catch em all, or lose all your cash etc)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Katrina Bowden - puts the 'hot' into 30 Rock

'Full marks to the costume designer'

Isn't it great when a nameless source tips you off about how cute Katrina Bowden is in the new U.S. comedy '30 Rock'..?

I had never heard of her so I checked it out and sure enough I now have to concur!

Watch this scene on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WASH5HcONg

But is she as cute as Leighton Meester?

More news of Miss Bowden on Darkmatters http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2007/11/katrina-bowden-so-very-hot.html

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Sixty Six

Sixty Six (12a)
Dir. Paul Weiland

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

It’s the question that every boy asks. It’s a mystery as deep as the world itself. It’s also the core of Sixty Six – a heart-warming coming-of-age tale that delves into that key moment in a boy’s life – when he ‘becomes a man’.
Billed as "a true...ish story", Sixty Six takes us back to the hazy summer of '66, to an England on the verge of a World Cup fever which for once yielded more than a contagion of car flags, a couple of novelty songs and endless ongoing recriminations as to ‘what went wrong’. This was a glorious year, the year when we took on the best in the world and came out on top but for 12 year-old Bernie Reuben (Gregg Sulkin) it was more than that – it was the summer he became a man.

Yes, if you’re born into the Jewish faith then most of your childhood is likely to be spent working towards your ‘Bar Mitzvah’ – the ceremonial celebration of your leaving childhood. I’m told that ‘Bar’ is Aramaic for ‘son’, and ‘Mitzvah’ is Hebrew for ‘commandment’ so the event literally means when you become a "son of the commandment." It’s a great day where you are the complete focus of attention, you get to read from the Torah in the synagogue and then there’s a big party in your honour. It should be a day to remember and for young Bernie it will be, unfortunately though his Bar Mitzvah is scheduled for the same day, at the same time as England play in the final of the World Cup…

Even though his uncle Jimmy (a fun wide boy performance from Brit talent Peter Serafinowicz) tells him: "England's got two chances - no chance and fat chance," Bernie is consumed with trepidation that the unlikely English national team will somehow make it the final and wreck his big day.
In case this all sounds a bit depressing, as per most Working Title films it is interspersed with some engagingly funny scenes – helped in no little part by having talent like comic genius Catherine Tate on hand.

Sixty Six might not be a ‘must see’ but if you want some heady football nostalgia wrapped up in an well produced story, this delivers a final act pay off that will warm the hardest of hearts. And in the afterglow of Spurs beating Chelsea that’s good enough for me!

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öö - solid momentum
Laughs ööö – Some really funny bits
Horror öö – Unless you fear Jews for any reason...
Babes ööö – Helena Bonham Carter still yummy

Overall ööö (competent and fun)


"she's still got it..."

Darkmatters: H O M E

Matt Adcock meets Borat

Matt Adcock meets Borat

It was my immeasurable honour this week to meet international Kazakhstani superstar Borat Sagdiyev, in London for the opening of his new ‘blockbusterings’ movie - Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.

He bursts into the press conference at the swanky Dorchester Hotel pausing only briefly to great as many male journalists as he can with kisses and pocket a digital camera from one of them. He has the look of a man who has been through a lot to bring the world his heart rending new film. During filming he was tracked by the FBI, hunted by redneck rodeo owners and he suffered terribly at the err, ‘wrong end’ of his large hairy producer Azamat Bagatov (an eye watering scene which should serve as a cautionary tale for anyone contemplating a bout of male nude wrestling).

So Borat – how has your film been received so far?

Borat: “It take top spot in my country! Even though Kazakh censor did give this movie their most strict ratings, meaning no one there can look on it if they younger than 3 years old. Kazakh censor was also concern about amount of anti-Semitisms it contain, although eventually they decide there just enough and allow it be release.

”It is also the most expensive film ever made in Kazakhstan. It cost 48 million tenge – this equivalent to 5000 US Dollar. Ministry of Information supplement budget by selling uranium…”

Wow, I see, but what did you learn from your fact finding trip to the USA?

Borat: “Along my travelings, I learn many new things about America. For example that it no longer legal to shoot at Red Indians. Once again I apologise with all my heart to the staff of the Potawotomi Casino in Kansas!

"I was also very surprise to discover that womens is permit to operate motocar. This could never happen in Kazakhstan.where it is said that to let woman drive car is like to let monkey fly a plane. We do not allow this any more since 2003 Astana air crash."

Any other highlights?

Borat: “Yes. While in the South, we passed by a group of soldiers making re-enacting of the American Civil Wars. It very similar to the Kazakh re-enactment of the Tishniek Massacre, which we do every year by travelling to the town of Tishniek and massacring them. Why not?”

Thank you for your honesty, I was a bit freaked out by the positive reaction you got in America when you shouted: “May George Bush drink the blood of every man, woman and child in Iraq!”

Borat: "Jagshemash! We in Kazakhstan admires very much George Walter Bush. He a very wise man and very strong - although perhaps not so strong or handsome as his father Barbara."

And with that he disappears into the night to pursue his hobbies of ‘ping pong, disco dance and taking photos of ladies doing toilet without their knowledge’, pausing only briefly to tell one female journalist that he already has a photo of her…

Borat’s film opens this week – and I can say with little doubt that it is the funniest Kazakh film you’ll ever see!

Read my review of the film here: Borat

Jagshemash! Borat Film Reviewings

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (15)
Dir. Larry Charles

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Jagshemash! Breaking news just in from Kazakhstan; Borat Sagdiyev has made the funniest film of 2006. Yes, if you don’t find yourself laughing during Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, you probably haven’t got a pulse.

Dangerously hilarious, precariously inflammatory and so ‘oh man he didn’t just say that… did he?’ that you’ll cringe, you’ll cry but most of all you’ll never forget this piece of razor sharp satire.

You know you’re in for something from way over the other side of the line marked ‘good taste’ when you read the Sun calling it “THE most appallingly crude and shocking movie ever made...” In fact nothing can adequately prepare you for this odyssey of wacky humour which is shot through with such biting subversive wit that it ends up making you question lots of the thoughts and motivations of an entire continent.

Borat’s film is a brilliant mockumentary which follows the fictional journalist from Kazakhstan as he travels to the US in order to bring back good practice that will help his home country develop economically and socially. His mission is somewhat jeopardised when he falls head over heels in love with Pamela Anderson after seeing an episode of Baywatch. Completely smitten he persuades his obese producer / travelling companion Azamat Bagatov (played with gusto by Ken Davitian) that rather than stay in New York, they undertake an ill advised road trip right across America in order to make an even less advised marriage proposal to the blonde uber babe herself.

Along the way they cross paths with a weird and wonderful selection of America’s populace – including feminists, red necks, hip hop fans and evangelical Christians to name but a few. Borat’s wide eyed faux innocence and energetically bigoted, misogynistic and anti-Semetic behaviour brings out some truly disturbing attitudes and lands him many highly comical ‘real’ situations. It’s often painful to watch the reactions he elicits when you remember that whilst he is acting, the people he meets are not… Borat is a great character, a new cinematic icon brought vividly to life by creator Sacha Baron ‘Ali G’ Cohen.

Hear that? That’s the sound of ground being broken as real people reveal their prejudices and hypocrisies on camera. Borat stands out in the crowded comedy marketplace as a truly memorable slice of edutainment and for me is one of the films of the year!

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö - slap that stick brother and hit the road
Laughs ööööö – danger: funniest film of the year warning!
Horror ööö – caution don't ever go 'ass to mouth' with your producer
Babes ööö – Pammy?

Overall öööö (Genius at work...)


"Borat realised he might not win the 'miss Kazakhstan beachwear contest' but he gave it his best shot!"

Read my interview with the great man: http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2006/10/matt-adcock-meets-borat.html

Darkmatters: H O M E

Sony PS3... Detailed article and teaser...

Smooth... that's how Sony do it (but not in the UK... yet)

Even though it won't be landing in the Adcock household until March '07, I was still interested by the detailed DIGIT article which explores an apparently heavenly 'hands on' experience with the new PS3...

You can read it here: http://www.digitmag.co.uk

Subtle note to Sony execs... it's always a great idea to send blog reviewers demo machines!!

Earlier post about PS3

Related film review DOA: Dead or ALIVE (babes)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Marie Antoinette

Marie Antoinette (12a)
Dir. Sofia Coppola

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

It’s Friday night and I have a late licence from the Mrs. I think a boys night trip to the flicks is in order – so what will it be? Maybe some heroic life saving antics from The Guardian or a shocker horror in the form of The Grudge 2? No, there’s really only one choice for a bunch of blokes looking for a good night out this week… Yes err, Marie Antoinette of course!?
And it turned out to be a top night in the company of the infamous cake munching young queen (that’s Marie by the way not my mate Steve in case you were wondering)… Sofia ‘Lost In Translation’ Coppola bases her opulent ‘glam over substance’ historical film on Antonia Fraser's book about the ill-fated Archduchess of Austria / Queen of France. Kirsten Dunst holds court impressively and completely captivated me as Marie Antoinette. She really looks the regal part portraying possibly the most misunderstood woman in history. Married off for political reasons when only 14 she was catapulted to a life of wild excess in France where she shops, parties and idles her days until her world is swept away by the French revolution.
Dunst is quite something to behold decked out in a wanton wardrobe that will send shoe fetishists into rapture and looks like pages torn from an 18th century Vogue magazine.
Her husband Louis XVI of France (a brilliantly understated role by Jason ‘I Heart Huckabees’ Schwartzman) is less taken with her and the scenes of his inept bedroom antics will make you both giggle and cringe. The rest of the cast go about the shallow tale with gusto including Steve Coogan who always looks like he’s about to crack a wicked joke. There is a superb heavily ‘80s influenced soundtrack too that includes Aphex Twin, New Order, Siouxsie and the Banshees and the best cinematic use of a Cure song (Plainsong) ever.
If you’re looking for an in-depth study of the live and times of Marie Antoinette, this slight flick will not be sufficient for you as it is only surface tension deep. But if you want to be whisked away for a couple of hours into a dreamlike fashion parade where all that seems to matter are the vicious whispers of the courtiers and the constant succession of choux buns and balls, look no further because as the ill fated monarch says at one point: “Letting everyone down would be my greatest unhappiness.”

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öö - does shopping count?
Laughs öö – tres amusant! in parts
Horror ö – nothing very grim (not even a beheading)
Babes öööö – Dunst is very hot here and it's not a new thing... see below...

Overall öööö (likely to split audiences - but I really liked it!)

"Dunst shows that she's all there... in 'Get Over It' "


"some more Dunst appreciation..."

Darkmatters: H O M E

Haunted... A trip way beyond your comfort zone...

Haunted
Chuck Palahniuk

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

How does one go about reviewing a book like Haunted?
Well, you could play it straight and write a brief plot synopsis, pick out some of the fantastic elements that the author has conjured up and maybe pass comment on the sickness which permeates this fictional insanity inducing collection of short stories wrapped up in a freakily wonderful novel… but where’s the fun in that?

What we have here are 23 stories bound together to create a novel. Each is told by a writer and each writer taking part on a ‘writers' retreat’ away from society, far away from the hum drum distractions of modern life and unfortunately for them… away from help of any kind… this is a retreat with a difference, there may be no coming back…

But anyway – you don’t really need to know anything more about the plot, all you need to know is that if you choose to read Haunted – you will probably never be the same again… This is XXX stuff, class ‘A’ horror that will make you squirm, make you gag and make you ponder your life in ways you may not have otherwise. You could try to make out that it’s cheap and exploitative, you could say that it will only appeal to those looking for macabre thrills of an extreme nature or claim that no ‘normal’ person should subject themselves to this kind of filth, the kind that indelibly stains your brain, but if you did that, I think you might have missed the point.

Palahniuk is one of my favourite authors, with Fight Club and Lullaby two of my favorite novels – not to mention Fight Club the film which I adore… If you’ve read of even heard of his novels you should to know to approach with caution but with Haunted, bad boy Chuck takes it to a whole new level: this novel is not for the faint-hearted.
Haunted is a turbo charged assault on senses. 23 eye watering punches to the face. A work of exceptional originality. A catalogue of appalling events to which you as the reader will become an accomplice. A pressure cooker of distilled suspense, an overdose of intellectual ferocity which could only ever be attempted by a few writers and done successfully by maybe just this one?

Unforgettable tales about the Nightmare Box, Breather Betty and Guts are waiting to make your acquaintance but as I might have mentioned, this is a trip not suited to those who are easily freaked (or those who just don’t want to know what lurks under the façade of everyday ‘sanity’).
Instead of providing a sample passage, it’s entirely better if you face your fears and take on one of the most hardcore of the 23 stories in full – if you have the ‘guts’ follow this link but I take no responsibility if it makes you sick / faint / grossed out:

http://www.seizureandy.com/stuff/guts.html

Final note (from The Guardian): “In these days when our sensibilities are dulled by the excesses of TV and films, when terror outrages come only third or fourth in the news headlines, I had felt myself to be more or less hardened against horror stories. Reading "Guts" proved me wrong. While it did not make me faint, it certainly put me off my lunch. It is a remarkable passage in a remarkable book, the most original work of fiction this year.”
I concur…

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö - unusual pace but compelling throughout
Laughs ööö – very funny in places (don't look at me like that)
Horror ööööö – demented amounts of grimness
Babes ööö – seriously sick individuals might get off on this

Overall ööööö (face the disturbing darkness of the human soul)

Links:
My review of Diary by Chuck Palahniuk

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Open Season

Open Season (PG)
Dir. Roger Allers, Jill Culton and Anthony Stacchi


Reviewed by Matt Adcock

One Fur All & All Fur One… Oh please, after a year already choc full with animated romps featuring lovable talking wild animals, you might be more inclined to thinking ‘shoot me now’ rather than to be licking your lips in anticipation of yet another. But wait…this is the debut of a new power in the animated film world – this is the first feature film release of Sony Pictures Animation. And Open Season is their super-slick Shrekalicious tale aimed very much at kids. Yes it has a measure of wackiness, a sense of boundless joy and some endearing furry characters bur it all feels a bit unnecessary.
Martin Lawrence lends his voice to Boog – a grizzly bear that has been raised in domestic bliss and is in no way prepared for a shock return to the wild – especially when hunting season is just about to kick off. Ashton Kutcher is Donkey, sorry I mean Elliot, a deer with only one antler who has a knack for getting himself into trouble.
There’s little here to take real offensive to, the computer generated visuals are impressive in places but nothing that Over The Hedge didn’t do a few months ago. What is missing most from Open Season are the standout really funny moments, trying to think back now, the only scene that stuck in my mind was the amusing climatic ‘battle’ where the furry prey of the forest fight back against the hunters. It’s a bit depressing to think that seven writers and three directors couldn’t come up with a few more sparks of quality comedy?
My boys did enjoy it though and I guess they are the target audience at the end of the day but even they admitted that it didn’t excite or entertain on the same level of Hoodwinked from a few weeks back and my wife just slept through most of it.
Sony Pictures Animation have got some more work to do if they want to really compete with the big boys of Pixar or Dreamworks. Open Season was a fair effort, certainly better than weak offerings like ‘The Wild’ but with the queue of animated features approaching cinemas showing no sign of slowing down it is going to take something more impressive to keep the more discerning audiences coming back.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö - end batle almost makes up for long slow sections
Laughs ööö – some but not enough really
Horror ö – very mild scares from a demented hunter
Babes ö – move along... nothing to see here

Overall öö (not quite a sitting duck)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - The Beginning

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (18)
Dir. Jonathan Liebseman

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

This weekend you might have been able to make out the strangest of sounds, the noise made by power tools when used in bizarre ways you definitely won’t find in the instruction manuals. Alongside this unsettling soundtrack could also be heard the inhuman cry of a madman being driven ever more insane… Yes, I’ll admit it, I really don’t like putting together flat packed furniture and I can only apologise to the neighbours for the ungodly noise.
But what of the film? Well you might have already heard something about the infamous Hewitt family in the U.S. who from 1969 to 1973 murdered thirty-three people across the state of Texas. To this day, it is considered one of the most notorious and brutally sadistic killing sprees in the annals of American history and is referred to as ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’. If you fancy seeing a fictional ‘what might have started it all off’ then you’re in luck because that’s exactly what The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning is. Yes Jonathan ‘Darkness Falls’ Liebseman directs this grisly depiction of how your average oddball hillbilly family go from being ‘slightly unpleasant and eccentric’ through to ‘completely murderously insane and cannibalistic’. The descent actually only takes about half an hour and from then on in it becomes a pointless if striking mix n match revisit of scenes taken from the many previous money spinning Texas Chainsaw movies to date.
So a bunch of cute teenagers stumble across the killer family and end up feeling the business end of a variety of tools both powered and manual. Things get progressively grimmer and the graphic results of the heinous crimes are splattered liberally across the screen, in vomit inducing high definition. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning is really not for the faint of heart (just in case the title wasn’t enough of a warning). At the screening I was at, more than 10 people walked out at various sadistically strategic points – that’s the most tangible audience disgust I’ve witnessed in my six years of film reviewing. So be warned. What actually upset me most on viewing this was the sheer lack of originality of the ‘origin’ story as to why the chainsaw wielding freakfest known as ‘Leatherface’ got quite so disturbed in the first place… Do the words ‘cynical cash in’ mean anything to you?

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ööö - nasty stuff, sadistic and grim
Laughs öö – if you find this funny... seek help
Horror öööö – pretty darn horrible in many places
Babes ööö – latest cute teens are fair to moderately hot

Overall öö1/2 (delivers a good chopping but weak on ideas)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Matt witnesses a nation's DOWNFALL

Untergang, Der / Downfall (15)
Dir. Oliver Hirschbiegel

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“Be ruthless. Life doesn't forgive weakness. This so-called humanity is religious drivel. Compassion is an eternal sin. To feel compassion for the weak is a betrayal of nature. The strong can only triumph if the weak are exterminated. Being loyal to this law, I've never had compassion.” Adolf Hitler…

Downfall eh? That nail biting game of skill and chance, the turning of those dials, the sweaty palmed fear that you might inadvertently be aiding your opponent get his or her yellow counters down to the ‘win’ pile before you? Who’d have thought that it would become the subject of such a riveting film? Oh wait a minute…

Director Oliver Hirschbiegel has made something a bit special here: A disturbing and butt clenching recreation of the final days of Hitler and his not so merry men in their besieged Berlin bunker. Based on the book by Joachim Fest, "Inside Hitler's Bunker", and the memoirs of one of Hitler's secretaries, Traudl Junge, Downfall is a film that everybody on the planet should see at least once.

The acting is outstanding and the sense of composite evil drips from the screen – never more so than in Corinna ‘soon to be seen in Perfume’ Harfouch’s depiction of Magda Goebbels whose clinical extermination of her own children is gut wrenching to behold.

Of course you can’t blame Hitler for being driven out of his mind – it might even have been when he heard that it was me directing the Allied forces against him that was the last straw… Loving Company of Heroes as I am – it is without doubt the best Real Time Strategy Game (RTS) on the PC to date I’m taking France back at such a swift and decisive rate that any crazed world dictator would be scared (although you can challenge me online if you think you want a shot at someone who once made it to the global top 20 commanders in the Command & Conquer Generals rankings)…

Sorry about that – back to the film - what else can I say? Downfall is a brilliantly realised smorgasbord of characters that each add to the impending sense of totalitarian doom that crushes the Nazis even as the red fist of the Russian advance begins to bite right on their doorstep.

As the leaders of the Nazi war machine come apart in various ways we get to see it all in brutal close up, so close you can almost smell their fear, panic and madness… Never forget – you couldn’t make this up – this happened and it needs to be remembered.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öööö - battle realism and unflinching depictions of valour
Laughs öö – some light hearted moments but not many
Horror öööö – very grim in parts, some scenes will stay with you
Babes öö – German totty but nothing worth locking yourself in a bunker for

Overall öööö1/2 ( a necessary masterpiece in so many ways)

"I'm sorry love, but you are a vicious deluded monster - so it's for the best..."

Darkmatters: H O M E

How Cute is Leighton Meester?

"Leighton Meester (born April 9, 1986) is stil my tip for best upcoming actress..."

Very Cute!!

I first spotted miss Meester in her role as Savannah in Surface (above). Other roles include guest starring in Season 4 of 24, in a couple of episodes of House (see below), plus other small parts in North Shore, Veronica Mars, Chandler's new girlfriend Kendall the WB drama 7th Heaven, as well as the role of Justine Chapin in the HBO comedy Entourage. Plus films like Hangman's Curse and soon to be released Drive-Thru...
Oh and an episode of Numb3rs called 'Dark Matter'!?


"Her surname "Meester" is Dutch for "master" or "teacher"..."

BTW am listening to the stunning new Killers album 'Sam's Town' whilst posting this...
Current fav track is 'This River Is Wild' - gotta love these lyrics:

"Or I should I just get along with myself?
I never did get along with everybody else
I've been trying hard to do what's right
But you know I could stay here... All night...

And watch the clouds fall from the sky - This river is wild"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: The Departed

The Departed (18)
Dir. Martin Scorsese

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

”When I was your age, they would say you could become cops or criminals. What I'm saying is this: When you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?”
Welcome to the mean streets of Boston, a city ruled by terror where even the police are struggling to make any sort of dent in the all pervasive operation of psychotic mob boss Frank Costello (Jack Nicholson). Costello has risen to his lofty position through effectively brutal violence as he quips at one point “a lot of people had to die so I could be me” and he’s not wrong. In a desperate attempt to bring him down the police send an undercover agent into Costello’s operation – this dangerous and dubious honour falls to rookie cop Billy Costigan (an on form Leonardo DiCaprio). Unfortunately for them Costello has an inside man of his own, Colin Sullivan (Matt Damon) working inside the Police, leaking their plans and ensuring that the mob stay one step ahead of the authorities. And so it is that a delicious game of cat and mouse escalates – the stakes are the lives of not only the undercover agents but also most of their colleagues on both sides of the law.
The Departed is a classy US remake of an amazingly tense Hong Kong crime thriller called Infernal Affairs and while it transplants whole scenes from the original into the American setting it also mixes up the plot just enough to make the films excellent companion pieces to each other. Director Scorsese delivers a brilliantly blood soaked, compulsively nerve shredding film, aided in no small part by fantastic performances from an impressive cast. This is very much Nicholson’s film and he really should bag an Oscar nomination for this twisted tour de force here but DiCaprio and Damon put in sterling work too, backed up by Mark Wahlberg, Martin Sheen and Ray Winston.
The Departed is a balls-to-the-wall confident and clever thriller, engaging and disturbing in equal measures and a benchmark by which all US cop thrillers will be judged against for some time to come. Yes Scorsese like to overcook his borrowed plotlines and veers into unnecessary extravagance at points but providing you’ve got the stomach for some scenes of unflinchingly grim violence, The Departed is a film that deserves your attention and is likely to stay with you long after the gunfire has subsided.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öööö - crunching and bloody when necessary
Laughs öö – darkly funny at points
Horror ööö – gets pretty grim and leaks lots of blood
Babes ööö – Vera Farmiga - odd face, hot body!

Overall öööö ( a quality remake but the original edges it for me)

"bloody Leonardo DiCaprio- actually pretty good in The Departed"


"Vera Farmiga - making some good movie choices recently!*"

*See Running Scared where she gets eaten out Paul Walker...
My review here: http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2006/01/film-review-running-scared.html

Darkmatters: H O M E

Look at that git playing his PS3...

"lucky b*st*rd of the year... 2006"

You see that guy - playing his PS3 and smiling like he knows that everybody in the UK wants to kill him and take his shiny Sony console off him because we have been condemned to wait until March for our chance to play the greatest gaming machine ever to grace the planet? Depressing isn't it!?

Anyway here's a cool thing to check out in the mean time:

The Carnival of Cinema

Yes try your luck at the Canival... or just stare at that lovely PS3 and the not so lovely editor of a Playstation mag playing it!!

Darkmatters: H O M E

Matt seeks the ARCHLORD for a monkey

"Heather Graham - possibly part moonelf?"

"does my bum look big in this new MMO?"

Archlord...

Ancient lore tells us of the prophecy of the ArchLord, the one to obtain the five keys of the spirits and hold the ultimate power over all things living. Five relics of untold power await the daring adventurer should he be prepared to take on the challenge and eventually become the most powerful being in this place... Will Matt be that person? We'll see I guess - but I've been asked to review this new MMO (Massively Multiplayer Online Game for you that don't speak nerd) so check out my review over at funky Irish website frankthemonkey.com

Darkmatters: H O M E

Christians Should Watch More Horror Films

"What I was watching five years ago..."

You know sometimes you stumble across things that you might have written a long time ago? Well I found this from five years ago that I wrote for some now extinct magazine and seeing as it’s kind of seasonal I thought I’d blog it (despite it being more than a little twee, and I won't vouch for its quality)… Remember - you don't have to read it!!

Christians Should Watch More Horror Films

By Matt Adcock

Halloween looms large once again, the ceremonial pumpkins are lining up to be gouged and you can’t move for plastic skeletons in the shops. This is the time when scary things are celebrated and witches and wizards will be getting together even if only to discuss what they think the plots cuts being made in the new Harry Potter movie.

Here in the UK, some student named Ian Stratton is purported to be conducting his PhD thesis on creatures that go bump in the night at Cheltenham and Gloucester College, where he has until 2007 to research the psychology behind terrifying monsters and fictional beasts.

He is reading into the creation of scary creatures and researching just why they terrify us. Asked why he is doing it he said: "My main topic of interest will be monsters in film and television over the last decade and researching why civilised 21st century society still needs these creatures. I want to find out about different kinds of monsters, from the bug-eyed kind in classic 1950s films to the more human kind like Hannibal Lecter.”
He lists his top five scary films and TV shows as:

1. Halloween - "Jamie Lee Curtis can't be beaten."
2. Silence of the Lambs - "The scariest monster is the kind that could be sitting next to you in the cinema."
3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer - "It looks fantastic."
4. Angel - "The darker spin-off from Buffy."
5. Dr Who - "I remember how much those plastic creatures terrified me as a seven-year-old."
Read more about his PhD here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/tv_and_radio/1434672.stm

It will be interesting to see what conclusions Mr Stratton comes up with because I have often wondered just why so many of us seek out horror, to enjoy being scared. But surely you don’t believe in all those myths, folk tales and occult babblings? What if there really were monsters outside our houses and our lives were at the mercy of a witches’ spell? Where would we turn to fight the evil if it was manifest – last time I looked there weren’t many Vampire Slayers listed in our yellow pages in Hitchin.

Christians though actually have a very useful contact when it comes to dealing with evil (in any form) - you know... God yeah? 

Last week I watched a pretty so-so DVD called ‘Bless The Child’, it was by all accounts a scary movie complete with depictions of demons prompting the villains in their attempts to prevent people ‘turning to God’. What I liked most about it however was the fact that the spiritual forces of good also managed to make an appearance in an excellent ‘bright light’ way.

Here’s my smiley wrap up comment (you know how these things always look so cringe worthy when you read them years later)… Please bear with me… Perhaps this Halloween as the deluge of horror takes centre stage across the media and through our towns, it can serve to remind us that evil isn’t the only option or even on the winning team.

"Angela Bettis... spooky but hot!?"

Darkmatters: H O M E