Darkmatters review - Sacred 2 Fallen Angel

Sacred 2

PS3 (also available on PC and X360)

Developer: Ascaron Entertainment

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

There are some itches that can only be scratched with a massive battle sword… Sacred 2 is the a new hack n slash RPG which gives a great Diablo vibe – which basically means that if you like running around fighting all sorts of creatures, righting wrongs and saving the day, you’re in luck!
Here’s the drill: step up, create a character, choose a god to worship (well the game is called ‘Sacred’) and pick a path – light or dark. There are six character classes to choose from including the rather sexy Seraphim (see screenshot / artwork), a not so ‘Lord of the Rings knock off’ High Elf, generic Dryad, interesting part robo Temple Guardian, devious Shadow Warrior or evil incarnate Inquisitor. What you can’t do is customise them much other than hair colour / couple of clothing choices.

Sacred 2 is all about killing stuff, we’re talking thousands of enemies great and small – picking up the loot they drop, buying better equipment and generally levelling up like there’s no tomorrow… You shouldn’t worry too much about the plot – energy is being mischiefed, you have a massive list of quests – and hundreds of side quests too. It all boils along at a good rate, there’s never a dull moment…The gameplay world is huge, and you can spend hours just wandering about getting into fights even if not following the main quests. It’s highly addictive stuff for anyone whose ever enjoyed a some battle focused adventuring.

The various characters do play differently (and there are character specific trophies to be earned) so I found myself hard pressed to decide which to make my main character for a whole play through. Levelling up works well with good new skills to be tried out. Stat management sees you spreading the love between weapon skills, character attributes such as speed or health regeneration etc. Before long you’ll be a potent ass kicker – but then the joy is that there’s always something bigger and nastier waiting for you out there…

"does my bum look big in this angel armour?"

You can of course call upon your chosen god to deliver their smart weapon at various points – these are great ‘nuke’ or ‘super-heal’ style powers that can help in taking out bosses etc. There are useful things to spend your hard looted loot on too – character specific mounts can be purchased and serve to make you into a cavalry adventurer with better offensive capability.

The controls work really well – Sacred 2 makes use of clever triggers mapping various combinations, which stop the usual whinging about ‘why can’t we use ‘mouse and keyboard?’ There is some top multiplayer action to be had too (upgraded from the PC version of the game) and it is seamlessly integrated using the PlayStation Network. Even when playing with yourself ‘ahem’, there is an option to let other players drop in and out at will when you're online. I found that it wasn’t long before I was adventuring with mates both co-operatively and then in a spot of competitive play.

Graphically the PS3 version is a good looking game, yes there are occasional frame issues but Sacred 2 sets a new benchmark for the this style of game, easily trumping current competitors like Untold Legends. The enemies are nicely detailed and each type has a variety of looks – so you’re likely to be zooming in to check out the different appearances. And they are even blessed with some personality… In an absolutely genius move the creators have given their minions lines like ‘I knew it, I was just an extra’, even the dead have fun to offer on their gravestones – I noted the still open grave marked ‘for reviewers’!? Soundtrack wise we’re talking heavy thumping tunes from the likes of Blind Guardian.

At the moment there really isn’t anything to touch Sacred 2 for addictive chop-shoot-or-magic-em-up through many many hours of fantasy adventuring with or without pals… Bring it!!

Darkmatters final rating of: öööööööö (8 - if you like adventuring you need this game)


"angels in bikinis? well, they are fallen angels..."

Darkmatters review - Night at the Museum 2

Night at the Museum 2 (PG)

Dir. Shawn Levy - previous offences 'The Pink Panther', 'Night at the Museum'

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“Is that you breathing? Because I can't hear myself think! There's too much going on here; you're asthmatic, you're a robot. And why the cape? Are we going to the opera? I don't think so...” This is the genius scene where the Dark Lord of Sith – Vader himself is confronted by wise cracking master villain, Egyptian pharaoh Kah Mun Rah (Hank ‘voice of Chief Wiggum in The Simpsons’ Azaria). It seems that Vader isn’t evil enough to join Rah’s band of superbaddies who plan to conquer the world (Ivan the Terrible, Al Capone and Napoleon do make the cut).

It sets the tone for this second instalment of the ‘museum exhibits come to life and amusingly cause chaos’ franchise and the good news is that it’s funnier and more watchable than the first.

Larry Daley (Ben Stiller) the hero guard from the New York’s Museum of Natural History in the first film is back to help his legendary exhibit pals who get brought back to life when moved to a bigger museum’s storage facility. No, the plot won’t win any prizes for originality but that doesn’t worry director Levy (amazingly turning out his second watchable film) who simply throws everything in his larger budget at the screen. What results is a good natured action packed comedy follow up that will blow kids away and tickle adult views in the right places.

New characters drafted in this time include Amelia Earhart (the lovely Amy Adams) who teams up to help Daley, plus an wonderfully camp General Custer (Bill Hader) who steals all his scenes. Returning for their pay cheques are Theodore Roosevelt (Robin Williams), mini cowboy Jedediah (Owen Wilson), Roman legionnaire Octavius (Steve Coogan) and the rather redundant Dr. McPhee (Ricky Gervais).


"Amy Adams... tightest trousers in the West"

I laughed loudest at the excellent hilarious cameo Jonah ‘Superbad’ Hill who sets new standards in jobsworthness but the funnies keep coming at regular intervals so you’re unlikely to leave without having been amused.

Night at the Museum 2’s main attraction for kids will the large scale devastation – brought to life with some seriously impressive special effects. A massive octopus and the obligatory returning dinosaur skeleton are good value but there are also some surprisingly well judged moments like a dip into Robert Doisneau’s famous French photograph “Le Baiser de l’Hotel de Ville, Paris” which strives to add a touch of culture to the madcap proceedings.

In the end it all boils down to seeing if the oddball bunch of goodies can overcome the evil Pharaoh and save the world? Only by taking another trip to the museum will you find out…

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: ööööööö (7 - history exhibits a strong comedy character)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:
Action 7
Style 7
Babes 6
Comedy 8
Horror 6
Spiritual Enlightenment 6

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at Little White Lies:
“'History history, learning learning,' sighs museum director McPhee (Ricky Gervais) with a withering contempt that reflects rather precisely this film’s attitude towards both genuine education, and the sort of flashy multimedia spectacle (NATM2 included) that has become education’s substitute. For this is a scattergun trawl through human (albeit mostly American) history and culture, with the emphasis more on entertainment than instruction. Still, if at has few actual insights to offer into the complexities of the past, at least it serves for the young viewer as a primer in postmodernism.”

Darkmatters Review - Tokyo!

Tokyo! (15)

Dir(s). Michel Gondry, Leos Carax and Joon-ho Bong

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Ahhh - so… Velcome to Japan… A place of the fantastic, where three oddball fairy tale twisted fantasies merge to create an entertaining film broken across three parts…Michael Gondry delivers an adaption of a comic book by Gabrielle Bell called Cecil & Jordan in NewYork or ‘Interior Design’ as it is called here. After the misstep of Be Kind Rewind, Gondry is back into his head messing stride with a tale about a couple in Tokyo looking to buy their own place. Whilst the guy goes about getting funding for his nutty film project meeting the great and the good, his girlfriend takes on the apartment hunting but feels left out. And in body-horror style she begins to transform into a chair.
This opening sets a nice pace which then ramps up with the second tale called Merde. Director Leos Carax delivers the stand out of the three Tokyo! Tales – where a strange, red haired man goes on a mental rampage through the city. Licking, flicking cigarettes at babies and generally causing havoc. This crazy guy lives in the sewers and it isn’t long before his playful mischief has a bodycount as on one of this forays through downtown Tokyo he brings a load of hand grenades – cue random death a go go...Finally is the weakest of the three tales called Shaking Tokyo – directed by Joon-ho ‘The Host’ Bong. This is a romance of a sort where a guy who likes to stay indoors develops a crush on a pizza delivery girl. The path of love however does not run smoothly because she likes his hermit like way of life so much that she shots herself away too. Will the man venture outside to find the girl he fancies?

"Tom Wade looked perturbed on his way to work"

Tokyo! is thought provoking and engaging throughout, certainly worth checking out if you’ve a taste for something a little more weird than you’re average viewing. Three highly creative directors deliver excellent value as you get to experience surrealism, horror and love all in quick succession.

Enjoy!

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: öööööööö (8 - noodles for the brain)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 7

Style 7

Babes 6

Comedy 8

Horror 6

Spiritual Enlightenment 6

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at Spout Blog whose Lauren Wissot says:

“the camera moving at typical Gondry speed, from fast motion overhead shots to slow pans, like a fractured subconscious. In the process the self-involved Akira (who pitches concepts to his girlfriend in lieu of engaging in conversation) watches his film career take off after he screens his Metropolis-like feature at a porn house, while the unsure Hiroko (played by Ayako Fujitani who happens to be the daughter of Steven Seagal) struggles to find her own identity..”

Darkmatter Review - Angels & Demons

Angels & Demons (12a)

Dir. Ron Howard

Cast member most worth watching: Ayelet Zurer

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (in Stevenage on wet windy Friday night)

Reader I urge you to take heed of the ancient legend hidden in Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code prequel Angels & Demons (now reworked to be a cash-in sequel film)… It states simply ‘So dull the Ron of Ham’, I asked a learned professor friend what this could mean and the results were devastating. In simple terms it apparently refers to cinematic return of Ron ‘Far and Away’ Howard with a film so bloated, turgid and mind achingly average that it has awoken the attentions of a secret underground cult known as the Cinluminati. Their members are fiendish visual thrill seekers who stand up for exciting cinema and are willing to unleash unspeakable reprisals on perpetrators of lame big screen ‘blockbusters’.

Step up Angels & Demons, another ‘excitement-lite’ plodathon which sees Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks – whose charisma is missing in action as per The Da Vinci Code) stumbling around Vatican City trying to foil a bombing. Sure it all looks good enough with an impressive fully CGI large scale Vatican set, nicely shot famous Roman landmarks and even a inside tour of the infamous Large Hadron Collider machine. But somehow what could have been an engaging thriller, manages to fumble its interesting ‘plot to kill the Pope and his most likely replacements’, leaving viewers yawning.

Ewan McGregor adds to the distinct whiff of cheese in the proceedings by hamming it up as Camerlengo Patrick McKenna – a devout priest who has helicopter piloting and stunt parachuting skills – hhmm, d’you think they might come in somewhere?
Hanks’ Langdon is accompanied through this misadventure by anti-matter scientist Vittoria (Ayelet ‘Vantage Point’ Zurer), who takes the thankless sidekick role of asking questions that require masses of mumbo jumbo exposition at every turn.

Alas there’s only so much watching of clue solving that a mere mortal can stand and Angels & Demons exceeds the recommended safe levels by some margin. If contemplating seeing this you might want to put in a spot of training – maybe try watching a smug looking stranger doing a Sudoku or something?


"The 'batman leaping through the flames' church fundraiser stunt went a bit wrong"

You can’t really blame the film makers for knocking this ‘Brown stuff’ out though because stupidly large numbers of people will probably turn up see if Angels & Demons is any better than The Da Vinci Code. The fact that it is only a marginally more engaging waste of over two hours leaves you wondering if cinema’s least exciting action hero might return for a third outing – heaven help us all.

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating out of 10 is: öö (2 - plodding stuff)
Darkmatters quick reference guide:
Action - nope
Style - some
Babes - average
Comedy - unintentional
Horror - slightly
Spiritual Enlightenment minus figures

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at The Telegraph whose Tim Robey says:
“Hanks remains chipper to the point of blasé here, but the various suspenseful pickles he gets himself into don't confer much dignity on the character. In one sequence, trapped without oxygen in an airtight archive chamber, he must climb a shelf of clue-packed manuscripts and awkwardly topple it using his body weight.”

Darkmatter - Martyrs Review - 'supergrim'

Martyrs (18)

Dir. Pascal Laugier

Cast member most worth watching: Morjana Alaoui

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (at home with the lights down low)

Some things are simply too awful, too shocking and too disturbing for general consumption… Viewing experiences deemed ‘dangerous’ that are just too extreme for the mainstream, for the ‘decent’ Daily Mail reading Middle England or for those who don’t have the capacity to withstand an assault on the senses that engages on a deeper lever than dim ‘video nasty’ Friday night thrills.
There are few films that warrant such caution – but Martyrs is one - read on only if you are curious to hear a report back from the darkest, wildest side of cinematic experience.

Martyrs is quite possibly the nastiest, most seriously horrifying film you’ll ever witness.

When a little girl is found wandering by the side of the road, her wasted body showing signs of severe neglect, starvation and torture she claims not to remember what happened to her whilst kidnapped and held prisoner for over a year.
But young Lucie is a survivor and during her following years in an orphanage she survives by employing both violent antisocial behavior but is also terrified by haunting and deeply disturbing paranoid delusions. Despite this she forms a friendship with another girl named Anna, who supports her – together they form a suitably unstable alliance.

Some years later, the two girls (now in their 20’s) turn up unannounced at a family home and proceed to graphically slaughter the entire family. Lucie is convinced that this seemingly normal suburban people are the monsters who took her prisoner and only a dose from the business end of a double barrel shotgun will see justice restored.


"things don't start well and only get worse from here..."

So far, so grim but still just a standard revenge horror thriller… These events however are only the prologue – the starter of a three course banquet of mind bending blunt force trauma that starts from grissly cold-blooded murder and accelerates into twisted sadistic nightmare territory beyond the bounds of taste and decency. I won’t go into the plot anymore as its better that it takes you unawares – everything is well shot and if Laugier does get his rumoured shot at remaking Hellraiser – it could turn out to the best horror film ever!?

But despite the abject gruesomeness perpetrated on screen here, this isn’t a simple shock-em-up like Hostel or Cabin Fever, Martyrs outpaces even the recent nou-wave of Euro horrors such as Haute Tension, Satan, Frontiers or Calvaire. At the sickened heart of this tale is a treatise about martyrdom, not a celebration of voyeuristic suffering but a descent through excruciation to a place of zen-like rapture. “Martyr” is apparently derived from the Greek word for ‘witness’… witnessing this absolutely isn’t for many though… If you read this blog much you’ll know that I’m not easily shocked but I found parts of this merciless escalation of torment almost physically painful to watch. Credit is due to the cast – Anna (Morjana Alaoui) is gorgeous even whilst undergoing all sorts of beyond the pail nightmare situations.

This is a tour-de-force that grips like a vice of vicious endorphin enlaced spikes – you won’t know where to look, you’ll be challenged and freaked out but you won’t forget it (ever)…

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: öööööööö (8 - supergrim)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 8
Style 8
Babes 7
Comedy 4
Horror 10
Spiritual Enlightenment -8 or +8 (depends on who you are)

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at The Horror Club which says:

“Pascal Laugier did something bold and daring, and pulled it off extremely well. Some will truly love this film, some will absolutely downright hate it, and others will not know what the hell just happened to them... whichever way you feel though, it's a movie that deserves to be seen.”

Darkmatters Review - Star Trek

Star Trek (12a)

Dir. JJ Abrams

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Whilst watching JJ ‘Lost’ Abrams’ reinvigoration of Star Trek, I felt a great disturbance in the Force… That’s because for me good sci-fi beginning with ‘Star’ should end in ‘Wars’ not ‘Trek’, so I’ve never had much time for the intergalactic Trekking of Kirk et al but I approached this with an open mind after having been impressed by the trailer. Two hours later my expectations had been set to ‘stunned’… This is Trek Jim, but not as we know it – we’re talking crowd pleasing action packed blockbuster of the highest order. It’s highly accessible; you won’t need a degree in Klingon or even require a working knowledge of the TV series (although there are lots of fan pleasing nods to the originals).

Abrams’ new Star Trek details the early years of one day legendary Captain James T Kirk (an engaging Chris Pine who has come a long way from tat like The Princess Diary 2). It turns out that Kirk was a rebel even as a youngster, his maverick credentials underlined by a great scene of him burning along in a stolen classic car to the thumping soundtrack of Beastie Boys’ Sabotage. Also on hand is the pointy eared Vulcan Spock (Zachary ‘Sylar from Heroes’ Quinto) who begins his long term friendship with Kirk by making his life hell.
The young cast are uniformly watchable, Zoe Saldana is a sizzling Uhura, Anton Yelchin’s Chekhov is genuinely funny, and Simon Pegg‘s Scotty is pure genius. Karl Urban's Dr ‘Bones’ McCoy walks a fine line of parody but the original Spock, Leonard Nimoy turns up and forms a great link between all that has gone before with an excellent extended cameo.

You can almost feel the tangible fun that the filmmakers had reinvigorating this franchise which had dropped to an all time low with the last film Star Trek X: Nemesis. Fist-fights, shoot-outs, daring do and even an obligatory green skinned alien temptress make this light speed ahead of the stodgy Star Wars prequels. Abrams has kept all the best stuff from before - warp drives, phasers, teleporting and even the classic Enterprise spaceship design, so fans of the original have little to complain about. This is quality that can stand toe-to-toe with the likes of the superb and much lauded recent Battlestar Galactica TV remake.
So if you only watch one sci-fi space epic this year, you should have no fear in boldly going where no ‘Trekkie’ has gone before… To mix metaphors, ‘The force is strong in this one.’

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: ööööööööö (9 - ENGAGE, Make It So etc...)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 8

Style 8

Babes 6

Comedy 7

Spiritual Enlightenment 8

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at Black Sheep Reviews

- best line:" Suffice it to say, it is intricate and tight and a lot more fun not to know where anything is going at any point in time. It is such a smooth ride that you can just sit back and enjoy the comfortable warp cruising speed."

VOTE for your top game (Killzone 2 perhaps) in the Golden Joysticks!?

"Amber Heard says 'vote Killzone 2'..."*








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Click this link - and tell the world what you've been playing:
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I'm currently addicted to Far Cry 2, Killzone 2 and Resident Evil 5...






*not really, I think she might be more of a Valkyria Chronicles babe...

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Darkmatters Review - Is Anybody There?

Is Anybody There? (12a)

Dir. John Crowley

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

You might not expect a Brit feel good comedy to be shot through with darkness and hard issues such as dealing with dementia but Is Anybody There? does this effectively and delivers a spellbinding cinematic experience that is not to be missed.

Sir Michael Caine is on top form as Clarence - a retired magician (equally effective but a million miles away from his role in The Dark Knight). As my good friend Chris Curtis said when he saw it "Caine is clearly relishing this role, and rightly so".

The film is the tale of Edward, a young boy played by(Bill 'Son of Rambow' Milner), who lives with his Mum (the excellent Anne-Marie Duff) and Dad (Daivd Morrissey having a ball with pikey '80s fashion and a convincingly cringeworthy mid life crisis falling for 18-year-old Tanya - Linzey Cocker) in the care home they run.

Little Eddy is an unhappy chap, billy no-mates at school, unnerved by his parents struggles to make ends meet and morbidly curious with the death (so much so that he hides cassette recorders in the bedrooms of the elderly residents in order to try and catch the sound of their ghosts leaving when the die!).

Edward's life changed when he meets Clarence (Sir Michael Caine) who comes reluctantly to live at the care home, causing a stir with his maverick attitude. What follows is a heartwarming / breaking tale of friendship.


"Here's to the house I bought with the proceeds from Jaws 4"

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: öööööööö (8 - Incredibly watchable and emotionally charged)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 6

Style 8

Babes 6

Comedy 7

Spiritual Enlightenment 7

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at FilmStalker - best line:


"The more complex and real characterisation of Clarence was well written and wonderfully acted by Michael Caine. This should be a performance that he should be proud of and can really rank highly with his best performances of his career."

"Linzey Cocker (right) - cute home wrecker in Is Anybody There?"

Matt Adcock meets Sir Michael Caine

Darkmatters Interview:

Matt Adcock meets Sir Michael Caine

‘Is Anybody There?’ – Sir Michael Caine’s new movie, explores issues such as dementia, courage and intergenerational friendship. Caine plays a cantankerous retired magician whose mischievous nature brings a wave of hope through an old people’s home where he meets Edward (Bill Milner from Son of Rambow etc).

Matt: ‘So how did you first get involved with Is Anybody There?’

Sir Michael Caine: I knew that John Crowley was a well-known theatre director in Ireland, although I'd never seen any of his productions. But then I saw two movies of his, and he had an incredible cinematic eye. I thought: "Here's a twin - here's a director that can direct actors and knows where to put a camera." It's wonderful because you rarely get the two. That's one reason, the other is that producer David Heyman, who is an old friend of mine, gave me the script. I've read many scripts that have made me laugh, and this one made me laugh as well, but I'd never read a script before that made me cry. So that's why I did it.

Matt: I read that you had a friend who suffered from dementia and sadly died. This must have been a film that was very close to your heart then?

Sir Michael Caine: I obviously brought a lot of experience of how it was to suffer from dementia because Dougie was one of my closest friends and he died while we were making the film. I hadn't really thought of it because it's not a film about a guy with dementia. It's just a film about an old magician and a little boy. So I didn't think about it honestly until I really came to the moment and then it struck me. For four or five years I was just waiting to walk in and for Dougie to ask me who I was. And one day he did. So that's as accurate a portrayal of dementia as I could do with my talent from extreme close-up experience.

Matt: How did you prepare for the role?

Sir Michael Caine: The first thing I did was to remember back to when I did little parties for my daughters. We always had a conjurer and I noticed that his hair was always parted in the middle. So the first thing I did was to part my hair in the middle. Then I met Scott Penrose, who was our real conjurer, and who taught us some tricks, and his hair was parted in the middle. I thought to myself: "I haven't even started and I've got something right!" He said to me: "Do you know why we do that? Houdini parted his hair in the middle and we are all fans of Houdini." So that's how I prepared - I started by parting my hair in the middle and wound up in tears just thinking about my friend who died of dementia.

Matt: Did you enjoy the cantankerous nature of your character?

Sir Michael Caine: I did. I've never done a really old guy like that. I'd put him at about age 84 and I've known a few old guys like that in my time.

Matt: Clarence, your character, learns some valuable life lessons from young Edward. Did you end up learning any lessons from Bill Milner?

Sir Michael Caine: I learned a most invaluable lesson inasmuch as unlike all other child actors I could absolutely trust him to be there as though I was acting with an adult actor, which was an incredible thing to know.

Matt: How was working with the older cast members?

Sir Michael Caine: There were all these old actors who'd made millions of films and such was my experience in my early acting days, I'd never been in any of them. I never got a part in British films for ages and ages. So I knew them from the screen as a fan and had that attitude. I was most impressed, though, working with Anne-Marie Duff. She's playing this little bit dowdy keeper of an old folks' home, and at the time I didn't know of her theatrical past. And suddenly I read in the Evening Standard that she's been awarded best actress for Joan of Arc at the National and my whole attitude towards her changed... I mean off-set, of course. But she's such a wonderful actress because when you think she can do that and then play this woman in our film, it's quite extraordinary.

Matt: Why do you think the population seems to be getting so disconnected and disrespectful of the older generation?

Sir Michael Caine: In my opinion, everybody is getting older and older. We have a great deal of dementia because [in the past] nobody grew old enough to get it, if you see what I mean. Someone said to me the other day: "Well, you're eventually going to live until 110." And I said: "Well, who's going to keep me? What age do I retire? 100?" How are you going to live all those years and who is going to keep you doing it? I have a couple of grandchildren now so I'm banking on them.

Matt: Edward is a little boy with an obsession. As a young boy what was your obsession?

Sir Michael Caine: Funnily enough, my obsession was cinema. From the age of three we used to have the thrupenny rush on a Saturday morning, because there was no television. It was only kids and I was taken there by two older boys when I was three. The Lone Ranger came on and that's what I wanted to be - from them on I wanted to be a movie actor; not necessarily The Lone Ranger. But it didn't start quite like that. The film came on and everything went black and I suddenly realised that someone had thrown an overcoat from the balcony and it had gone straight over my head [laughs]. I'd never been to the cinema before, so I didn't quite know what was going on. Then there were punch-ups, and then I put my feet on the back of the row in front and pushed, and the row I was in went over backwards because the boys had taken the screws out of the floor! That was my first experience of motion pictures - rather frazzled - and it has remained like that ever since!

Matt: Taking the name of the film, do you think that there ‘is there anybody there’ in the after-life?

Sir Michael Caine: I'd dearly love to think that there is somebody there and I have a lot of back-up because my father was a Catholic, my mother was a Protestant, I was educated by Jews and now I'm married to a Muslim, so I won't lose out on a technicality.

Matt: If it happened one day, how do you think you'd fare in a retirement home like the one depicted in the film?

Sir Michael Caine: I'd probably own it.

Matt: Finally, when you do make the big leap into the blue yonder what do you want written on your stone?

Sir Michael Caine: See you later, no hurry!


Matt: Thanks for your time – it’s a great film.

Read Darkmatters review here

Darkmatters Review - X-Men Origins: Wolverine

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (12a)

Dir. Gavin Hood (Tsotsi, Rendition)

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

My name is Logan but most people call me ‘Wolverine’, I have regenerative healing powers, animal strength / senses and some lethal retractable claws in my hands … This is the story of my pre X-men days and I'm coming for blood, no code of conduct, no law!

Erm, actually I’ve been asked to keep the rating of my film to a family friendly level so when I say ‘I’m coming for blood’, it might be more accurate to say ‘I’m coming to fight and you won’t see any blood’.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine is the much hyped prequel to the X-Men movie and it strives to tell us everything you might want to know about the charismatic, hairy and sharp clawed Wolverine (nicely reprised role by Hugh Jackman). If you’re an X-Fan, chances are that you’ll lap up the back story into the relationship between Wolverine and his nastier brother Victor ‘Sabretooth’ Creed (Liev Schreiber).

Director Gavin ‘Tsotsi’ Hood follows in the X-Format successfully established first by Bryan Singer with X-Men and X2 and then not quite as well by Brett Ratner with X-Men: The Last Stand. There’s plenty of mutant super-powered action, some of which is completely cool – witnessing Wolverine taking on a military attack helicopter and two hummers is the stand out scene.

"You get the point?"

X-Fanboys are well catered using the ‘Weapon X’ storyline from the comics to introduce numerous mutants, many of whom you’ll already know if you’ve seen the later films. This is both a blessing and a curse because it allows you to play ‘spot who’s going to make it to the end credits’ as new characters who aren’t in the other X-Men films are much less likely to survive.
My pick of the new heroes however is magical card throwing ‘Gambit’ (Taylor Kitsch), he’d be a prime candidate for another X-Men: Origins movie, although word is that baddie Magneto is up next in the queue.

Unfortunately, X-Men Origins: Wolverine struggles to maintain excitement levels throughout, and whilst the action scenes are generally good stuff, the filler exposition between them clogs up the running time and is unlikely to win any new X-converts.

As a fan of comic book movies, I certainly enjoyed Wolverine’s tale but when the sight of Wolverine and Sabretooth fighting together to defeat the ‘Sylar from Heroes’ alike Weapon XI in the finale leaves you a bit cold, you know that this is a bit of a missed opportunity.

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: ööööööö (7 - Not as cool as it should have been)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 8
Style 6
Babes 6
Comedy 5
Spiritual Enlightenment 4

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at ScreenJabber - best line:

"I can already hear the hardcore comic-book fanboys bitching and moaning, complaining about such-and-such character being underused and not given enough screen time. Well, you know what? Boo-f**king-hoo. "

Uncharted 2 on PS3 - redefining multiplayer superbness!?

"Your riot shields won't save you..."

Uncharted 2: Amongst Thieves

I'm feeling this - Uncharted was one of my favourite games of last year (the rest of my top 10 in case you wondering: Motorstorm, GTA4, Battlefield Bad Company, Oblivion, Uncharted, Metal Gear Solid 4, Wipeout HD, Heavenly Sword, Fallout 3, Tiger Woods PGA Tour '09)...

The sequel this year is looking like a potential game of the year contender - especially with the new multiplayer modes revealed - just look at these screenshots (borrowed from the excellent sixthaxis).


"The streets of Luton were ablaze..."


"Seems like 'your mum' is an Uncharted 2 player!?"

The deathmatch mode in these screens show 4 vs 4 game modes... Deathmatching, Capture The Treasure - bring it!!

Darkmatters Review - The Uninvited

The Uninvited (15)

Dir. The Guard Brothers

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

The Uninvited is a spook-em-up U.S. remake of the creepy 2003 Korean horror ‘A Tale Of Two Sisters’. Glossy, sexy and blessed with some seriously unnerving moments this is basically a perfect Friday night fright-fest for those who aren’t looking for anything too groundbreaking.

Directing team Charles and Thomas Guard (who called themselves ‘The Guard Brothers’) go for a fairly straightforward ghost story that telling the tale of an evil stepmother vs cute teen stepdaughters. So we have Anna (Emily ‘Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events’ Browning) who returns home to find out that her dubious writer father (David Strathairn) has shacked up with her deceased mother's nurse Rachael (Elizabeth ‘Role Models’ Banks).

Anna and her hot-to-trot sister Alex (Arielle ‘The Grudge 2’ Kebbel), who packs a bitchy teenage attitude and seems to wear a bikini throughout the entire film, become convinced that Rachael did away with their invalid mum. This charge seems to be backed up by the creeping dread that seeps through their New England home, where ghostly children pop up to scare viewers / warn the sisters that they are next on the target list for the chop. Will the girls outwit their blonde Hannibal Lecture like stepmother or will the body count rise by two before the obligatory chilling twist climax?

"if we sit here looking cute - surely no harm can come to us!?"

Did I mention there are some decent jolt-scare moments along the way? Although they are generally telegraphed from a mile away, the audience I saw this with were shrieking and jumping impressively enough. Banks does a great crocodile smile and plays the evil stepmother well, whilst Kebbel and Browning are both good as the nervous siblings. It’s Emily Browning who is the main attraction here - she’s a pouting powerhouse of emotion and I think she’s destined for great things, look out for her in Sucker Punch next year (from the director of 300 and Watchmen).

There’s nothing very wrong here, but as a remake The Uninvited isn’t a patch on the original. If taken on its own merits it has more to offer than many recent horror efforts so it’s worth a look if you’ve got the hankering for some spookiness. However, after seeing a truly superb horror film like ‘Let The Right One In’, The Uninvited seems like an overly workmanlike effort.

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: öööööö (6 - Dumbed down but watchable)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 6
Style 7
Babes 8
Comedy 4
Spiritual Enlightenment 2

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at IGN- best line:"The Uninvited comes incredibly close to greatness, just narrowly missing a diabolically genius Hitchcock-like plot twist by inches, opting for a stale twist instead. But in between that distance is a world of hurt. "

Darkmatters Review - Gossip Girl Series 2

Gossip Girl Series 2, part 1 (DVD Set)

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

"Gossip erm ‘Girl’ here - your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite. And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell. You know you love me. xoxo, Gossip Girl"
That voice over running is a warning… A warning that you’re about to witness the most addictive (and fastest growing) series on TV. When sent the second series of Gossip Girl to review – I have to confess two things: 1. I have never watched any of series one and didn’t even know anything about the show and 2. I immediately thought ‘this is going to be girly tosh of the highest order’ – then I watched it. Whilst confessing here, I can also say that I fully intended to just watch the first episode and let loose my damning appraisal on the back of that limited exposure. But then I watched it and now after watching the entire first half of series 2 in an eye melting 12 episode-a-thon I’m the show’s biggest fan!

Think ‘The O.C.’ on sexy drugs, with better characters, sexier babes (Leighton Meester and Kristen Bell are nuclear hotties) and the guys aren’t bad either!?
Okay, so following what I’ve been reliably told (by my new Gossip Girl pals) was a devastating finale to Season 1 where Serena Van Der Woodsen (Blake Lively) and Dan Humphrey (Badgley), ended their season long relationship – now things hot up even more.

"Mmmmmmmm..."

If you want quality drama, sex partner swapping, scandal and rampantly awkward love triangles played out with teenagers then run, don’t walk to your nearest DVD retailer and grab Season 1 and this stellar follow up first 12 eps of Season 2.

As a parent of a wannabe teenager (he’s 12) I think Gossip Girl has also given be some invaluable insight into drug problems, abandonment, bulimia, self-esteem issues etc. So it’s not all just watching hot young people making out – honestly!?

Here’s some plot tasters - Blair (Meester) returns from her summer trip to Europe with a charming new boyfriend, named James (Patrick Heusinger), and it turns out he’s like a total English Lord!? Meanwhile Serena is still struggling to get over her breakup with Dan takes a liking to a young lifeguard. Meanwhile, Nate gets involved in a steamy relationship with an older woman, named Catherine whom is married.= and Rufus is still on tour with his band… You get the idea.

Gossip Girl is the perfect storm of cute cast, sexy behaviour and serious bitching – wrapped around the lifestyles of the rich and soon to be famous. Highly recommended viewing, just don’t be too surprised if you get utterly addicted – gotta go and track down the latest episodes now!





"Kristen Bell... yummy yes!?"

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: ööööööööö (9 - trashy and superb in equal measure)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 6
Style 9
Babes 8
Comedy 7
Spiritual Enlightenment 5

Become The Joker - exclusive to PS3 this Summer

"Both were good, but wait till you see Matt 'being the Joker' online this year!"


"This is what we want... PlayStation Home breaking exclusive news!"

If you're a Batman fan, chances are you'll want to be picking up the excellent looking Arkham Asylum game that hits in a couple of months.

Today some very cool news broke in Home... If you want to 'be' The Joker - you'll have to choose the PlayStation 3 version of the game - I'm sold!!

Arkham Asylum was one of my favourite Batman graphic novels so I can see this game getting lots of play when it releases - see you online (cleric20).


"Why so serious? Oh, you have an Xbox 360?"

Read more about this over at the awesome PS3Attitude

Darkmatters Review - FEAST

FEAST (18)

Dir. John Gulager

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Remember that Project Greenlight thing where Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, and Chris Moore helped produce new flicks... Well Feast is from the third season of that project - and it's a gleefully splatter-em-up monster movie.

Feast is rampantly gory and yet also very tongue-in-cheek. It also boasts one of my all time favourite sequences where it introduces each character with cheeky freeze-frame portrait listing out their Name, Occupation, A Fun Fact and a guide to their expected Life Expectancy... see below


"Worth seeing just for these character intros... will certainly borrow this for Darkmatters: The Movie one day!"

Feast's plot is a simple one - a group of strangers find themselves in a middle-of-nowhere bar, a guys stumbles in - 'Hero' (Eric Dane), who tells that there are monsters from hell on their way... There are and the monsters eat most of the cast.
It's played out heavy on the gore and the funnies, think Aliens meets The Evil Dead 2 and you'll get the idea.

Henry Rollins is funny as a motivational speaker prone to spewing self-help platitudes but this is a B-movie through and through - and should only be watched by those looking for a dumb, horror to go with their beer on a Friday night.

Planning to watch this with the family? Guess again - let's look at the info from 'Kids In Mind .com' who watch nasty FUBAR films and then describe all the most grim aspects in detail on their website so that squeamish folks can avoid such nastiness e.g.: "A creature pulls an animal skull off its head (it was wearing it as a mask) and we see its many very sharp teeth, and it roars and snaps."

They also count all the Profanity in the film - 67 F-words and its derivatives, 5 sexual references, 36 scatological terms, 13 anatomical terms, 11 mild obscenities, 1 derogatory term for homosexuals, 1 derogatory term for the physically challenged, name-calling (stupid), 13 religious profanities, 11 religious exclamations.

You have been warned...


"Tuffy (Krista Allen) - is on the menu"

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: ööööööö (7 - almost classic B-Movie monster carnage overload)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 7
Style 7
Babes 7
Comedy 6
Spiritual Enlightenment -2

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at Dr Gore

- best line:"“Feast” is a must see for B-movie fans. It has everything you could want from a monster movie. Monsters? Check. Blood? Lots of it. Dismemberments? Absolutely. Emmanuelle, (Krista Allen), with a shotgun pounding a monsters face in? Heck yeah! The only thing missing from “Feast” is some gratuitous nudity. "

Darkmatters Review - I Love You Man

I Love You Man (15)

Dir. John Hamburg

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Here’s a comedy male bonding experience or ‘bromance’ if you will which tackles the issue of how men find it hard to make friends after a certain age... You know how when you’re six you can just ask any passing boy to come in and jump on your parents bed together and that means you’re pals but that option kind of runs out when you’re through college.

I Love You Man sees wimpy Peter Klaven (Paul ‘Role Models’ Rudd) get engaged to his girlfriend Zooey (Rashida Jones) and then realise that he has no male friends to be in his Wedding party. Cue a series of amusing situations where he tries to meet some new buddies via internet sites, cruising the gym where his gay younger brother works and trying to ingratiate himself with the husbands of his fiancé’s girl friends.

Director John ‘Along Came Polly’ Hamburg gives it a decent go and almost pulls off a Judd Apatow like raucous comedy. But alas I Love You Man runs out of steam and ends up being a forgettable ‘near miss’, too vulgar to be a family friendly flick, not gross out or funny enough to please those who list ‘Knocked Up’ or ‘Superbad’ in their top films. There is a fun cameo from former ‘Hulk’ Lou Ferrigno though which was good value.

So... Just when it looks like Peter is doomed to live with nothing but girls for pals he meets free spirited Sydney Fife’ (Jason ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’ Segel) – who looks exactly like my pal Tom. Sydney is a dictionary definition alpha male slacker, who has his own ‘man cave’ complete with rock instruments, beer fridge and several TVs. Here’s a guy who instils some macho home truths into softy Peter like: “Society tells us we're civilized but the truth is we are animals. Sometimes we just have to let it out.”
But this new found injection of testosterone doesn’t play well with Peter’s intended life partner Zooey who isn’t quite ready to embrace the guitar licking of RUSH or accept the uninhibited masculinity that Sydney brings to the party.
Can Peter balance the mates / wife equation or will it all end in tears?

There’s enough here to make it worth seeing but don’t go expecting anything special or memorable. For you guys reading this – why not get into the spirit of this film by telling a mate who you enjoy hanging out with that you love him… Let me know how that goes.

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: ööööö (5 - average when it should have been really funny)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 6
Style 5
Babes 5
Comedy 6
Spiritual Enlightenment 5

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at Hollywood Jesus

- best line:"And so begins what may very well be THE defining film of "Bromedy." Complete with the self-pity inducing "couple montage," a whirlwind of disastrous "first dates," the chance entrance of "the one," the empowering bloom of that relationship, the conflict, the break-up, and the reunion, I Love You, Man couldn't follow the romantic comedy formula any closer. The only difference is that at the center of this platonic comedy are two men."

Darkmatters gone review'n... with a monkey called Frank

Reviewing things is in my blood...

Have been putting my trusty Vaio laptop through the paces writing up a series of eclectic reviews for the rather wonderful 'Frank The Monkey' entertainment site...

So if you've ever wondered how good I thought:

Funky mad PSP game PATAPON 2
(taster - Prepare to kiss you thumb muscles goodbye as the sequel to the highly addictive rhythm button basher ‘Patapon’ marches back onto the PSP with a mass of new features.)


Not so very grisly murder's in Midsomer Murders
(taster - The fictional Midsomer (where I’m told it’s virtually impossible to get life insurance these days due to it having the highest number of murderers per capita anywhere in the world) is on the surface a tranquil, picturesque, English county.)


Power Metal rockers Blind Guardian
(taster - imagine if Queen had all been possessed by Satan and their ball burning anthems were being used to torment virginal nuns…)


or even

Sadistic death game movie Saw V
(taster - Hello reader, I want to play a game. Right now, you are feeling curious, you’re maybe thinking about watching a horror sequel but you don’t know whether to take a risk on part V of a series which started strong and has got progressively weaker each time out.)

were - then click the link and find out!?

Darkmatters Review - Race To Witch Mountain

Race to Witch Mountain (PG)

Dir. Andy Fickman - The Game Plan etc

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Buckle up for a hyperactive boost of alien chase action – Disney style…
Race to Witch Mountain is a pseudo remake / update of the 1970’s Escape to Witch Mountain, the new version is every bit as good and boy it looks great – with big expensive special effects running rampant. The budget people at The Mouse House have really gone for the ‘let’s hit the screen with everything we can’ formula. If you sign up for the trip to Witch Mountain you’ll get flashy flying saucers, an evil intergalactic assassin (not a million miles away from a Terminator) and two cool / cute kids with unearthly powers, oh and lots of pile-em-up car chases.



"The clockwork orange experiments - the junior years"

AnnaSophia ‘Bridge to Terabithia’ Robb and Alexander ‘The Dark Is Rising’ Ludwig are Sara and Seth, two alien youngsters who have crash-landed at Witch Mountain in the U.S. Seems that their own world is dying due to pollution (Hhmm – could there be a moral for us being not so subtly squeezed in here?). Now the chase is on for them to recover a vital piece of evidence which might be the key for them to save their own planet. But in true ET style the Government are keen to apprehend and experiment on our young alien visitors.


"Is Annasophia Robb the new Keira Knightley?"

Who can the little lost extraterrestrials turn to for help? Why – only Jack Bruno (Dwayne ‘once known as The Rock’ Johnson) a loveable rogue taxi driver and handily on the scene UFO boffin Alex Friedman (Carla ‘Watchmen’ Gugino).

The action takes place mostly back and forth between Las Vegas and the Nevada desert – the Government goons chase doggedly, some nasty gangsters try to get in on the action and the alien assassin / bounty-hunter blows up lots of stuff. Nothing makes a great deal of sense but as I said before – it sure does look good.
Unfortunately, director Andy’ The Game Plan’ Fickman manages to fumble the action scenes (of which there are lots due to the film being co-written by Mark Bomback of Die Hard 4.0 fame). That leaves little else to impress although the kids try their best and will both probably go on to better things.


"The US Government apparently wants to 'probe' this young alien - how wrong is that?"

I did find the wry section set at a Sci-fi convention appealed to my inner sci-fi nerd, there’s a great moment when two Star Wars Stormtroopers get into Bruno’s taxi, plus there’s the obligatory Disney dog cameo character that raised a smile but overall Race to Witch Mountain is a fun but forgettable family friendly action flick. And it even sets up a sequel… If you are a movie buff, enjoy graphic design or other aspects of visual communication, pursuing an online bachelor degree can prepare you for the rigors of a career in Hollywood, and maybe you can make movies less forgettable than this one!?

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: öööööööö (8 -fun while it lasts but won't be remembered)
Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 8
Style 7
Babes 7
Comedy 7
Spiritual Enlightenment 5

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at The Guardian - best line:

"At one stage, the aliens explain that they are able to cover vast tracts of outer-space by using wormholes as a shortcut. This made me long for my own personal wormhole, right through to the closing credits."

Darkmatters Review - The Boat That Rocked

The Boat That Rocked (15)

Dir. Richard Curtis

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

All those wishing to travel aboard the latest feel good vessel helmed by Richard ‘Love Actually’ Curtis should make their way to the nearest cinema now. The Boat That Rocked plots a romantic comedy course through the choppy waters of the late sixties when rock music was deemed unhealthy by the repressive Establishment and the British public had to tune in to ‘pirate’ stations to hear filth like The Rolling Stones.

Blessed with a stellar cast including the always excellent Philip Seymour Hoffman as uber DJ ‘The Count’, Rhys Ifans as super cool (and purple wearing) legend of the airwaves ‘Gavin’ and Bill Nighy as captain of the dubious ship Rock Radio ‘Quentin’. These loveable scallywags are ably supported by comic genius Nick ‘Hot Fuzz’ Frost as literally larger than life ‘Dave’ and Tom Wisdom as the leather trouser wearing sex god ‘Midnight Mark’.

Into this sleazy melting pot of sex, drugs and rock n roll on the ocean waves is thrown virginal youngster Carl (a nicely awkward performance from Tom Sturridge) – he sent onboard after being expelled from school by his swinging mother because one of the men on the boat might just be his father…

Arrayed against the pop loving, sea faring miscreants are the forces of law and order embodied by government minister Dormandy (a tightly wound Kenneth Branagh) and his right hand ‘hit’man who rejoices in the name of ‘Twatt’ (an effectively odious turn from Jack Davenport). Can the powers that be shut down the pirates and win the hearts and minds back of the 23million people who tune in the raucous musical banter? The resulting battle of wits is the main dramatic element of the film which is otherwise a two hour series of set pieces set to the funkiest ‘60s tunes (which music lovers may enjoy even more with their eyes shut). The soundtrack is excellent – The Kinks, The Who, Hendrix, Cream, The Beach Boys… even if you weren’t around to appreciate these at the time there will be many who can discover some cracking tracks (handily available on double disk film soundtrack CD).

As the forces of grey and boring close in on the naughty pirates, the film veers into a pseudo dramatic Titanic-esq homage, will the rogue ‘heroes’ meet a watery grave by the end credits? There is the real danger that all hands will be lost as Curtis ramps up the schmaltz and goes for the sentiment jugular but if you’re able to just appreciate this boat for the mildly funny moments it delivers you’ll go home smiling.

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: ööööööö (7 - funky but schmaltzy)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 5
Style 7
Babes 7
Comedy 7
Spiritual Enlightenment 4

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at PictureNose or DEN OF GEEK - best line:

"Remember the 1960s? No? What do you mean you weren't born? What do you mean you were a toddler? Oh, well, Richard Curtis' latest film might still be for you, if you don't mind gulping down a boatload of second-hand nostalgia with your comedy film experience."

If you liked The Boat That Rocked you migh want to check out:

The RunAways

"Dakota Fanning rocks out in The RunAways"

Emily Browning - Babetastic in Sucker Punch

"Emily on release in the UK April '09 - Uninvited"

Emily Browning is a fast rising actress who wowed audiences is Lemony Snicket a couple of years ago... http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2004/12/emily-browning-and-co-stars.html

This month she'll be back on the big screen in The Uninvited which looks okay - better news is you can see her in the absolutely babelicious cast of Sucker Punch... see them here

"Emily Browning is going to be BIG"

Sucker Punch is Zack Snyder's follow up to the excellent Watchmen - raising pulses in 2011.

Here's miss Browning looking very very good:


"cute"


"Yep - she's a hottie"

"next to be seen in what's being called 'Alice in Wonderland' with machine guns!?"

"check the blonde look"

"brings the pain"

"girls in underware - that's pants!?"

Check out Darkmatter top ten film babes 2008 ...