Film Review: Aeon Flux

Aeon Flux (15)
Dir. Karyn Kusama

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

It’s been said that “stupid is as stupid does…” and unfortunately Aeon Flux is stupid over and above the call of duty.
But does that necessarily mean it isn’t a decent film? Yes, yes it really does.
Director Karyn ‘Girlfight’ Kusama has taken the cool unsettling, future shock MTV Television animated series of the same name and given it a live action lobotomy. The weird plot, which worked in cartoon form, really doesn’t translate at all well and what we end up with is an hour and a half with nothing better to do than stare at Charlize Theron in various figure-hugging spandex outfits. Erm, which of course isn’t the worst way to spend an hour and a half but even after such red hot eye candy you’ll still come out wondering how an action adventure could be so dull.
Set 400 years in the future, it seems that a disease has wiped out the majority of the earth's population and those who are left are holed up in a walled city called Bregna. But something isn’t right in Bregna (and I mean apart from the fact that some of the people have had a new pair of hands grafted onto the bottom of their legs to replace their feet!?). The ruling elite are corrupt and it’s up to special underground agents like Aeon Flux to take the fight to those in power. It seems that everything on offer here has been done in some form before and better somewhere else, it’s like having a major attack of déjà vu. British talent like Jonny Lee Miller’s smirking baddie pop up from time to time but even Pete Postlethwaite’s amusing cameo can’t save this film from its preposterously pretentious set up. Theron does at least try to take it all seriously but the script only calls for little more than her showing off her perfect figure in various gymnastic poses – and occasionally blowing away bad guys.
I guess that if you like watching fine looking ladies in skin-tight cat suits and have the ability to turn off the rational thought areas of your brain, then Aeon Flux might be one of the best films you’re ever likely to see… For the majority of the film going public though, it won’t ever be much more than Theron’s ‘Catwoman’ and anyone who saw Catwoman knows how damning that statement is…

Poster Quote: "the future might be retarded but it sure looks good... "

Darkmatt Rating: ööö (three stars for Miss Theron's outfits only!!)

"Now... where did I put my costume?"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Book Review: Flashman

Flashman (The Flashman Papers Vol. 1, 1839-1842)
By George MacDonald Fraser

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Now I'm not the world's biggest fan of historical warfare novels but when my friend and neighbour Dave suggested that I give this a read I thought 'yeah maybe'.
Then the bugger (no offence Dave) comes round and lends me it so I have no excuse... and torture me in most unpleasant ways if this wasn't a darn good read...

What's is all about? Well - here's the promo blurb which itself is a fun introduction:

"The Flashman papers, which had apparently lain untouched for fifty years, in a tea chest, until they were found in the Ashby saleroom, were carefully wrapped in oilskin covers. From correspondence found in the first packet, it is evident that their original discovery by [Flashman's] relatives in 1915 after the great soldier's death caused considerable consternation; they seem to have been unanimously against publication of their kinsman's autobiography - one can readily understand why - and the only wonder is that the manuscript was not destroyed."

So this is the first instalment of the Flashman Papers and it sees the “fag-roasting rotter” from Tom Brown's Schooldays commence his military career as a reluctant secret agent in Afghanistan. Expelled from Rugby for drunkenness, and none too welcome at home after seducing his father's mistress, the young Flashman embarks on a military career with Lord Cardigan's Hussars. En route to Afghanistan, our hero hones his skills as a soldier, duellist, imposter, coward and amorist (mastering all 97 ways of Hindu love-making during a brief sojourn in Calcutta), before being pressed into reluctant service as a secret agent. His Afghan adventures culminate in a starring role in that great historic disaster, the Retreat from Kabul. He puts so much effort into being the lazy cad that you can't help but feel some sort of affinity for his predicaments…All in all this was a LOT more fun than I expected it to be!

Darkmatt Rating: ööö ("Flash-man, Ahhh Ha, he'll save everyone of us...")


"a random saucy shot of Kate Beckinsale? in a review of a amorous cad? whatever next?"

Film Review: March of the Penguins

March of the Penguins (u)
Dir. Luc Jacquet

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

In the harshest place on Earth, love finds a way – yes even in Hitchin there was mucho smoocho this St Valentines Day, and my lovely wife even rustled up some mouth watering Strawberry Soufflés… delicious!!
But even as I pause to consider just what a lucky guy I am, my thoughts go out to the thousands of Emperor Penguins (especially the males) and I smile as I take another bite of penguin pie… Mmmm
Actually no penguins were eaten or harmed in the writing of this review… It’s been a long long time but Luton cinema finally got hold of Luc Jacquet's ‘March Of The Penguins’ which has astoundingly become something like the second most successful documentary ever made…
The plot concerns the love-life cycle of the little waddling critters and we follow them as they emerge from their ocean playground and trudge across 70 miles of ice floe to their breeding grounds.
Seems like a bit of a track just for a shag… but hey, it makes great relaxing cinema. I was hoping to see the ‘first-person narration from the perspective of the penguins’ version but we got the ‘third-person narration by Morgan Freeman’ US edition – which is probably nowhere near as avant garde or strange as the original French cut… But damn they are cute.
It’s soppy but it’s sweet and it even has some brief violence as predatory beasts of one sort or another make off with the occasional chick. Nicely done but not really worth all the fuss.

Poster Quote: "so I walk 70 miles and she says she's got a headache!? "

Darkmatt Rating: ööö (chilly willies but warm hearts)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Final Destination 3

Final Destination 3 (15)
Dir. James Wong

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Just when you thought it was safe to ride a roller coaster… And I don’t mean the one in your local park run by pikeys who wouldn’t know the words ‘safety check’ if they were to be spelt out in burning dead bodies across the rest of their ‘travelling fair’…

Yes, Final Destination 3 continues the effective slick, sick, ‘how will the next one die?’ voyeurism of parts 1 & 2. You know the score – babe (Mary Elizabeth Winstead in this case) has a vision of going off the rails and finding out first hand if there is an afterlife via a nasty roller coaster crash… Which I swear might make you think twice before going on one for a while… She gets off and some of her friends do too – then it crashes and death stalks the survivors in gleefully grim ways. Will any of them escape? Will death be back for part 4? Writer / Director James Wong certainly returns to the franchise (he also directed the first Final Destination) and he hasn’t lost his knack for delivering scenes that made members of the audience I saw this with shout things at the screen like “Oh my God that had to hurt!” and “Eewweeuuu – that’s the sickest thing I’ve ever seen” – maybe I shouldn’t have taken my elderly mum with me but I guess you live and learn…

The BBC describes Final Destination 3 as "AN ORGY OF CHEERFUL CARNAGE" but they don’t seem to like it… I guess these films are kind of litmus tests that can help you find out ‘are you sick in the head?’ – Oops looks like I’ve failed this one because I’ve really enjoyed all 3 Final Destinations so far and would certainly go see a part 4 (although it would be scraping the barrel to have the exact same plot again, with just a different accident at the start, again). I had the not too great a pleasure of seeing Urban Legends 3: Bloody Mary on DVD just a couple of days before seeing this and can say for certain that the Final Destination films are far superior to the Urban Legend series. Case in point here is that both part 3’s have a ‘death by sunbed’ scene – and whilst the UL one is slightly unpleasant, the FD is viciously over the top to the point that you can’t quite believe it… and it sweetly jumps from the twin tanning beds to the coffins in a nice bit of scene changing.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you should go and watch hapless good looking teens dying in bizarre ways for your entertainment – but if you have the hankering for it… Final Destination 3 delivers.

Poster Quote: "Death wants to see you outside"

Darkmatt Rating: ööö (nailguns are not playthings...)


"don't look now but you know I think there might be someone behind us..."

Darkmatters: H O M E

Sienna Miller - talks Casanova

"Mmmm it's Miller time"

Sienna Miller… Casanova Promo Material

It is, says Sienna Miller with a huge smile, a dream job. Working for one of her cinematic heroes on Casanova in Venice and playing a character, Francesca, who is “just fantastic.”

The delightful Miss Miller is unabashed in her enthusiasm. And why not? At 23 she is clearly enjoying herself and proving too, that’s she’s got the talent to match the belief that has been shown in her by some top filmmakers including Lasse Hallstrom on Casanova who says, quite simply: “She’s a film star, make no mistake. And a pleasure to work with.”

So far, Miller has played a small but undoubtedly eye catching role in the British crime movie Layer Cake, opposite Daniel Craig, and won acclaim for her performance as a needy, insecure young American woman who falls prey to the predatory Alfie (Jude Law) in Charles Shyer’s remake of the sixties classic. And if that wasn’t enough, she has also recently made her West End stage debut in As You Like It at the Wyndham Theatre.

But playing the feisty Francesca opposite Heath Ledger in the title role of Casanova has proved to be one of the most vivid experiences of her career so far.

Q: Casanova is a great role. How did you get the part?

A: It’s kind of one of those things. They look everywhere - London and New York and LA and your agent, if they are good, puts you up and you read the script. And it’s the same process for me at the moment where if I read something and I love it, I start begging (laughs).

Q: Are you going to be typecast as the girl who can tame the men?

A: Francesca in Casanova is highly intelligent and keeps her corset tightly shut, which is good for all those people who are saying I have a talent for taking my kit off. (laughs).

Q: What about all the tabloid attention that you have been getting, particularly back in the UK?

A: Don’t get me on to that! (laughs). You have to accept it and you have to be gracious about it but of course I would certainly rather it wasn’t there – be it good or bad. And I know I could have had it a lot worse than I have had it.

Q; What’s it like being on location in Venice?

A: Well, you’re in Venice which is like Disneyland for adults. And you’ve got hordes of people coming in and out. I mean, I would think logistically if you are a producer it has to be your nightmare working here, I think it’s impossible to recreate the light anywhere else.


Darkmatters: H O M E

Star Wars: Clone Wars Vol 2... The Force Is Still Strong

"one of my favourite images / shots of all time..."

Star Wars: Clone Wars Vols 1 & 2 (PG)

Mini review by Matt Adcock

Star Wars: Clone Wars, the animated micro-series which serves as an action-packed lead-in to Episode III originally aired on Cartoon Network, has won the Emmy award for Outstanding Animated Program for each Vol and is generally responsible for re-igniting my two boys' passion for all things force related...

I am an unashamed Star Wars fan, and I love animation so this really was an easy win for me but the Clone Wars DVDs are great - packed with cool extras (playable Xbox levels of games, trailers and short films like the Lego piece of genius that is 'Revenge of the Brick').

Plot synopsis from IMDB: "Immediately after the events of Star Wars-Episode II: Attack of the Clones, the Clone Wars continue. The Separatists launch masses of Battle Droids while the Republic has an entire arsonal of Clone Troopers to blow them away. Obi-Wan Kenobi and his apprentice Anakin Skywalker are also participating in the fights against Count Dooku and his defiant separaists. Jedi Masters Yoda and Mace Windu, take part in the battle as well. While down on Coruscant, Padme Amidala, Chancellor Palpatine, C-3PO and R2-D2 hope nothing but good for our heroes. Will the Republic emerge triumphant? Will Dooku and his separatists be brought to their knees? And will Anakin truly bring balance to the Force, or will he bring absolutely tyranny?"

Poster Quote: “tempting... the way of the force is, watch it again, must you...”

Darkmatt Rating: öööö (The force is strong in this one)

"How far over the top should be go with the clone's guns? All the way!!"

Darkmatters: H O M E

X Men 3: The Last Stand - new artwork

"tasty new X Men 3: The Last Stand artwork"

More Xmen 3 artwork

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Chicken Little

Chicken Little (U)
Dir. Mark Dindal

Reviewed by Matt Adcock


It is my duty to warn you of an Avian Infection at your local cinema… No, fortunately not the deadly A (H5N1) virus or any sort of ‘bird flu’, this outbreak is of ugly little chickens and other assorted oddball farmyard characters. You can easily tell if you’ve been subjected the ‘Chicken Little’ infection, the symptoms are – mild amusement followed by a vague sense of disappointment, and a nagging feeling that you could have had more fun staying home and watching Shrek again on DVD.
Chicken Little I’m afraid is the very definition of a disposable movie and will not be remembered as one of Disney’s finest hours – even if it is their first fully computer animated film without the help of the mighty Pixar. Director Mark ‘Emperor’s New Groove’ Dindal does a serviceable job but it’s feather weight ‘by the numbers’ entertainment which you’ll have forgotten long before this year’s stampede of other animated ‘animal adventures’ charge the multiplexes.
Based on the story of that little chicken who cried wolf when he thought the sky was falling, it’s now a year later and he’s still trying to live down the embarrassment of his wild goose chasing antics. The fowl plot is a hodgepodge of War of the Worlds, Animal Farm and erm, actually there isn’t really very much plot at all. Chicken Little’s voice acting talent is average with no real A list stars, the visuals are functional but lack flair and the clever references to other films and culture that Shrek etc have done so well are obvious by their omission. The one exception that made me smile was when a runaway giant ball rolls into the local cinema which happens to be showing Raiders of the Lost Ark – at the exact scene where Indy is running away from the giant booby trap ball… But I wasn’t completely surprised when I noticed that although my two boys seemed quite entertained, my wife had fallen asleep by halfway through.
Chicken Little isn’t a bad film, it’s just a bit too limited and uninspired. As a fan of most of the recent animated features – I was hoping for more. Still not long to wait for Ice Age 2: The Meltdown or Over the Hedge (with Bruce Willis voicing a raccoon) both of which look much more finger licking good than this.
You might still feel like Chicken Tonight, but unless you’re very young or extremely easily pleased I’m afraid that Chicken Little has a whiff of cold turkey.

Poster Quote: “how do you like it... boiled or fried?”

Darkmatt Rating: öö (the sky is falling... on Disney!?)


"nice marketing campaign... shame about the film!"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Hangman's Curse

"ooh spooky... but not that spooky"

Hangman's Curse (15)
Dir. Rafal Zielinski

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

If there’s something strange, in the neighbourhood, who you gonna call? Well if you’re a devout Christian then you might call ‘The Veritas Project’ rather than your regular Ghostbusters because these guys are a Holy Living family who travel around in a high tech RV solving crimes that ‘might have a demonic element to them’…

Yes, the cheesy novel "The Veritas Project: Hangman's Curse" by prolific but not altogether talented author Frank Peretti got made into a movie back in ’03. I missed it then but decided that it might be worth checking out after getting into Surface and realising the cute lead actress Leighton Meester plays the godsquad daughter. But is there really a curse? Has the ghost of a bullied kid come back to wreak death on today’s mean jocks, or is something more human but equally sinister going on? And most importantly - where's Scooby-Doo?

So the Veritas Project (veritas being the Latin word for truth) are made up of Nate Springfield (David ‘looks like a rough Patrick Swayze’ Keith) takes a job at the school as a janitor, while mum Sarah (Mel Harris) runs the investigation from behind the scenes. Twins Elisha and Elijah Springfield (Leighton Meester and Douglas Smith) get to join the student body to investigate from a student’s perspective…

As a believer I often find it hard to watch Christian made films or even read Christian authored fiction because most of it is so poor… Call me a heretic but I’ll take a gruesome but decently directed, acted and plotted movie, which is blessed with a reasonable effects budget any day over a ‘religious backed stinker’ – think Left Behind etc…

I noted before seeing this that The Naked Critic had described Peretti’s offering thus:

“I don't want to turn this into an attack on Peretti. I'm sure he's a very sweet, kind man. He's just directly responsible for unleashing a movie that made my eyes and ears hurt. We're not talking "So bad it's good," here...we're talking crimes-against-humanity bad. Spawn-of-Satan bad. Love-child-of-Judas-Iscariot-and-Pontius-Pilate-bad. Mel-Gibson's-ego bad. It's never a good sign when a "Christian" movie makes me pray to Jesus to make it stop. But hey, at least it got me praying, right?”

Alas he’s kind of on the money.
Hangman’s Curse has only one thing for it and it isn’t the lack of sex, violence, bad language or genuine scares that only a Christian backed ‘horror’ project could possibly have…

No it’s that cute Leighton Meester – yes she’s hot even when struggling to keep a straight face delivering dialogue like when hunky jock Blake asks her:
“Do you believe in the hereafter?”
She replies: “Most definitely.”
And he goes for the kill: “Good. Then you must know what I'm here after.”
She retorts: “And you know you’re not going to get it.”

So this might be worth a look for mentally deficient Christian young people – if only as a warning of how geeky and unconnected to real world they are in danger of becoming. But whilst it gets a couple of stars for trying hard (and casting Meester) – this isn’t going to win many fans or any souls for Christ in the near future.

Poster Quote: “she’s young and hot but she’s only after your soul”

Darkmatt Rating: öö (they ain’t scared o no ghost – and neither will you be)

"you can't help but smile - at the cheesy effects"

"Miss Meester doing an 'Eve' with the naughty snake? Nope, not in this film!"

Leighton Meester -making Surface a must see!

Darkmatters: H O M E

Surface - UK ITV2 Time / Day Change

"There's something in the water alright!?"

Surface - how do I love thee, let me count the ways...

It's definitely the best thing on TV at the moment - huge sea monsters, compelling characters and mystery, plus the occasional uber babe (Leighton Meester et al) in swimsuits... What's not to love?

Now I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad omen but ITV2 has moved the time / day that they screen Surface in the UK - new time is TUESDAY'S 8pm.

That's tonight... nice!

"Leslea Fisher... another cute reason to see Surface... even with French subtitles!?"

Links:
Surface comes to the UK
Leighton Meester -making Surface a must see!
Darkmatters: H O M E

M:i:III Mission Impossible 3 trailer lights my fire...

"every Scientologist for himself!! run Tom run!"


"Mr Cruise, when I throw the grenade I'd like you to make an emergency stop..."


"anybody says this looks like a scene out of Mr & Mrs Smith 2 - shoot them!!"

See the trailer for M:I:III by clicking this link

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Zathura

"In the future, Jehovah's Witnesses didn't take kindly to having the door closed in their faces..."

Zathura: A Space Adventure (PG)
Dir. Jon Favreau

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Before you go Kentucky Disney Fry yourself some ‘Chicken Little’, I’ll let you know if that’s as tasty an option as it sounds next week, how about a premium slice of family space adventure in Zathura?
What we have here is a new adventure from the wacky world of Jumanji – you know – where board games ‘come alive’ in a way that not even a drunken bout of Twister ever could… Basically Zathura is Jumanji in space, two young boys find an antique looking board game, and before you can say ‘where’s Robin Williams this time?’ the whole house has warped into hyperdrive and the only way home is the finish the game. Whilst in space ‘no-one can hear you scream’, but they can sense your heat, especially if they are Zorgons – lizardmen who eat meat and don’t take kindly to anything non-Zorgon existing. So it’s not long until Walter (Josh Hutcherson) and younger brother Danny (Jonah Bobo), have to stave off a full-scale alien attack, survive a living room specific meteor shower and try to come to terms with their parents' divorce. Also along for the ride is their reluctant babysitting older sister Lisa (Kristen ‘Panic Room’ Stewart) but as she spends most of the time cryogenically frozen in her nightwear she isn’t a great deal of help.
Director Jon ‘Elf’ Favreau mixes up just enough action, explosions and berserk robots to make a trip to Zathura a viable Saturday afternoon’s entertainment. It’s scary enough in places to stop any young budding astronauts you take with you dismissing it as blatant sentimental moralising but it does carry important messages about being nice to your siblings etc.
Everyone on screen looks like they’re having a fun time making the film and you can just about forgive the over acting youngsters because they are ably supported by actors like Tim Robbins (the boy’s dad) an Dax Shepard as a jet packed astronaut they pick up along the way.
The special effects are well done, the Zorgons are suitably nasty and the space scenes of the house boldly going where no house has gone before are quite beautiful.
My son Luke (who is almost 9) came out impressed – using words like ‘wicked’, ‘cool’ and ‘exciting’ to explain to his younger brother what it was like. I’d echo that as it appealed to my inner sci fi geek, remember, the force will be with you etc…

Poster Quote: “more fun than a barrel of Robin Williams' - in space!!”

Darkmatt Rating: ööö (good space fun and games for all the family)


"the boys soon realised that their sister was giving them the 'cold shoulder'"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Matt's Life is sponsored by Sony...

Call me a Sony 'fanboy' if you will but I've had nothing but pleasure from the many Sony products that make my life better (TV, DVD recorder, camera, PS2, photo printer etc)...

Here's my current top 3:

1. The PSP - man I love this shiny little piece of gaming / media viewing / mp3 listening joy...

"You know, the black one is very nice but just look at that ceramic white one!!
And it's my B'day in a couple of weeks!?"

2. The Sony Ericsson P990... Name is on the waiting list, come on guys we need a confirmed UK launch date!

"Mmmmm the 'complete' phone experience! I'll be watching
Spurs score via 3G on this baby as soon as it arrives"

Read about how cool it is at: www.mobilegazette.com

3. My Sony Vaio laptop (17" extra black screen is a joy for DVD playback)

"Novel writing is a pleasure on this baby (PC gaming isn't bad either!?)"

So, roll on PS3 - I may never be rich, but at least I'll be happy in my Sony gadget filled existence...

Links:

DVD HDD Recorder: Sony rdrhx510

Sony PS3 vs Xbox 360

Sony want to mess with your brain

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: The Ice Harvest

The Ice Harvest (15)
Dir. Harold Ramis

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Ho ho ho, here’s an exert from Charlie Arglist’s (John Cusack) Christmas letter:

“Dear Santa, this year whilst I haven’t been a very good boy, could you please still see to that I get away with the $2million that I stolen from my mob employer?
Yours Charlie ‘loveable hero’ of The Ice Harvest.
Oh and if you could help me survive the vicious schemes of my ‘partner in crime’ Vic (Billy Bob Thornton) and femme fatale Renata (Connie Nielsen) that would be a bonus!”

Yes this is a festive season comic thriller that cracks along ticking all the boxes to make it worth seeing but is never in danger of making it onto anyone’s ‘top 10 film of the year’ list. Except maybe Adrian Summerson who I saw this with… He confessed that he wasn’t getting to see many films so it could creep in by sheer lack of competition!?

Cusack is great (as always), driven by a fatalistic belief that "It is futile to regret. You do one thing, you do another…So what?" – The set up is a good one: can the partners escape with the loot, who will double cross who, will the dopey cop rumble them, will anyone manage to get the girl etc etc.

Ramis directs it all with a sense of style which reminded me of Fargo and although there is very little ‘new’ brought to the table in The Ice Harvest, I’d not hesitate to recommend it to anyone looking for some watchable thriller thrills – laced with a very black comic streak.

Poster Quote: “the Ice Man cometh, then he steals $2million and legs it… ”

Darkmatt Rating: ööö (solid stylish and entertaining but no classic)


"faraway, so close... not so easy when your foot is knifed to the floor!?"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Adcocks bag HARD-Fi tickets

"see you in May"

I love HARD-Fi and so does my hot foxy wife... So it was with much excitement that she called me to let me know she had managed to get us tickets to see HARD-Fi at Brixton Academy in May. NICE.

Altogether now:
"Oh, I've been working all week I'm tired, I've been working all week and I'm... Just living for the weekend!!
Hey hey, I've got some money I just got paid, I got some money and I can't wait -at 6 o'clock, I'm out of here...
Out there tonight is the night of my life got my name on.
Run down the street adidas on my feet I'm on fire.

Working all the time, work is such a bind
Got some money to spend, living for the weekend
When it gets too much, I live for the rush
Got some money to spend, living for the weekend

Oh man, I've been working all week I'm shot,
I've been working all week for what?
Just living for the weekend..."

Buy the album why don't you - it's excellent!!

Darkmatters: H O M E

Norse God Test...

After seeing this on Gingerkidjoe.com I just had to find out for myself which Norse God I was most like.

And the answer is... I'm 90%:


Which Norse God or Goddess are you most like?
created with QuizFarm.com

Darkmatters: H O M E

X Men 3 pick a mutant...

"ooh - so many mutants, so little time... roll on X Men 3"

Xmen-3-nice-poster

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: House of 9

"Hopper was always going to win the
'Sean Connery look alike contest' against Kelly Brook"

House of Nine
Dir. Steven Monroe

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Day four in the Big Brother house… Kelly Brook has been electrocuted and she hadn’t even had chance to strip off. Several people have died, shooting, stabbing and bludgeoning have occurred but more concerning still, Dennis Hopper is hamming it up like a staving mad man let loose on an ‘all you can eat bacon buffet’…
Who goes… you don’t decide, but you do get to watch as 9 strangers are abducted off the street and trapped in a house (see where they got the cunning title now eh?) – and offered $5million to the sole survivor – once they’ve killed the rest…
Hardly a new concept but still a fairly amusing way to pass the time – HO9 owes it’s existence to films like Cube, Saw and My Little Eye. This British effort bills itself as “The ultimate test of human character” – they might be referring to having the endurance to watch all 86 mins without laughing at the clichéd characters but I think the makers had loftier ambitions.

Here’s a quick character synopsis by the good people over at www.beyondhollywood.com
“The characters are inevitably familiar archetypes: the Hardnosed Cop (Raffaello Degruttola), who besides being left with the only gun in the house, also sports cinema's most unsightly mustache; the Angry Black Guy (Ashley Walters), who was on the verge of a record deal when he got snatched, and who opens up the proceedings by informing everyone how much he hates cops, white folk, and especially "white bitches" (a phrase he uses often); the feuding married couple, of which the husband half is a controlling jerk; the stuffy clothing designer (Peter Capaldi); the mousy dancer (Kelly Brook); the Spoiled Rich Bitch (Susie Amy); Dennis Hopper as an Irish (I think) priest; and finally, the British equivalent of White Trailer Trash (Morven Christie)… The Angry Black Guy is very angry; the Controlling Cop is very controlling; the Passive Girl is very passive; and the Rich Spoiled Bitch is -- well, you get the idea.”
One thing that did annoy me was that the house might be rigged so as to be impossible to escape from and have 75 cameras recording every grisly move made by the inhabitants but boy does their image quality suck… If you were the type to invest masses of cash in adducting people, decking out a killzone house and offering $5million to the winner – you could probably have afforded cameras that offer a decent resolution? I know I would. When the director switches to the ‘sick game controller’s’ point of view you can barely tell Kelly Brook apart from Dennis Hopper or Susie Amy (Chardonnay from Footballers’ Wives) which caused me some consternation…

And as a Christian I couldn’t pass up the chance to share with you some theological thinking related to human nature – as Thomas Boston (1676–1732) said:

“The four states of human nature are:
Primitive Integrity;
Entire Depravity;
Begun Recovery;
and Consummate Happiness or Misery.
It must be noted that in all four states, man is free to choose what to do or not to do according to his will.”

Anyway – you’re free to choose whether to check out this passable human cliché study with lame killings and an obligatory twist ending…

Poster Quote: “They died screaming - screaming ‘I want to kill my agent for putting me in the cast of House of 9’…”

Darkmatt Rating: öö (been there, done that, got the $5million)

"Footballers' Wives: the sequel... Chardonnay hadn't dressed to kill 8 strangers"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Film Review: Match Point

Match Point (12a)
Dir. Woody Allen

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

I haven’t enjoyed a Woody Allen movie since 1973’s Sleeper so imagine my surprise when two of my very best friends tell me that Match Point is really good and I have to see it…

It becomes obvious to me that either –
a. two of my best friends are lying bast*rds
b. two of my best friends have been in touch with each other and thought it would be funny to send me to see a duff film
or
c. two of my best friends are right…

So I went and saw Match Point – on the plus side I thought – at least it’s a thriller (I’m always up for a good thriller) and it’s got Scarlett Johansson in it and I’m always up for a bit of Scarlett Johansson (you can guess which bit in particular)…

And I’ll be tied up and unspeakably assaulted with a unwatched DVD copy of Broadway Danny Rose if Match Point didn’t actually turn out to be a great little thriller!

So, faith in friends restored and I can now honestly say that I ‘enjoyed a Woody Allen film the other day’… without smirking and shaking my head. Anyway, Jonathan Rhys Meyers plays Chris Wilton – your average guy who marries the ditzy daughter of a rich family (Emily Mortimer) and then meets his new potential sister in law - Nola Rice (Johansson) and falls for her.
Murder, sex and all sorts of tension ensue in a most agreeable fashion. Meyers gets some great lines like:
“The innocent are sometimes slain to make way for grander schemes. You were collateral damage.”

My favourite interchange between Meyers and Johansson is this:

Chris: So you are aware of your affect on men?
She replies: They think I'd be something very special.
Chris: And are you?
Nola: No one's ever asked for they're money back.

Catch it on the big screen if you can – or be sure to see it on DVD!

Poster Quote: “Match Point gave me a Woody I could be proud of…”

Darkmatt Rating: öööö (Passion Temptation Obsession stylishly done)


"Hey - look everyone... I'm having it off with Scarlett Johansson... in public!!"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Ultraviolet: Jovovich looks like kicking butt!!

Ultraviolet: Heads Up

I was one of those happy souls who really enjoyed 2002's Equilibrium by Kurt Wimmer... Well, now he's back with Ultraviolet and it looks like 'my cup of tea'!

Milla Jovovich stars and apparently uses a more authentic variant of "Gun Kata" - a unique blend of gunfighting and martial arts developed by director Kurt Wimmer for his previous film Equilibrium.

Count me in (check these photos and let me know your thoughts!)


"that's what I like to see... a lovely lady with a shiny bum dispatching baddies with cool guns..."


"borrowing Daredevil's leathers looks good - not sure about the glasses though?"

Darkmatters: H O M E