Uncharted 2 on PS3 - redefining multiplayer superbness!?

"Your riot shields won't save you..."

Uncharted 2: Amongst Thieves

I'm feeling this - Uncharted was one of my favourite games of last year (the rest of my top 10 in case you wondering: Motorstorm, GTA4, Battlefield Bad Company, Oblivion, Uncharted, Metal Gear Solid 4, Wipeout HD, Heavenly Sword, Fallout 3, Tiger Woods PGA Tour '09)...

The sequel this year is looking like a potential game of the year contender - especially with the new multiplayer modes revealed - just look at these screenshots (borrowed from the excellent sixthaxis).


"The streets of Luton were ablaze..."


"Seems like 'your mum' is an Uncharted 2 player!?"

The deathmatch mode in these screens show 4 vs 4 game modes... Deathmatching, Capture The Treasure - bring it!!

Darkmatters Review - The Uninvited

The Uninvited (15)

Dir. The Guard Brothers

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

The Uninvited is a spook-em-up U.S. remake of the creepy 2003 Korean horror ‘A Tale Of Two Sisters’. Glossy, sexy and blessed with some seriously unnerving moments this is basically a perfect Friday night fright-fest for those who aren’t looking for anything too groundbreaking.

Directing team Charles and Thomas Guard (who called themselves ‘The Guard Brothers’) go for a fairly straightforward ghost story that telling the tale of an evil stepmother vs cute teen stepdaughters. So we have Anna (Emily ‘Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events’ Browning) who returns home to find out that her dubious writer father (David Strathairn) has shacked up with her deceased mother's nurse Rachael (Elizabeth ‘Role Models’ Banks).

Anna and her hot-to-trot sister Alex (Arielle ‘The Grudge 2’ Kebbel), who packs a bitchy teenage attitude and seems to wear a bikini throughout the entire film, become convinced that Rachael did away with their invalid mum. This charge seems to be backed up by the creeping dread that seeps through their New England home, where ghostly children pop up to scare viewers / warn the sisters that they are next on the target list for the chop. Will the girls outwit their blonde Hannibal Lecture like stepmother or will the body count rise by two before the obligatory chilling twist climax?

"if we sit here looking cute - surely no harm can come to us!?"

Did I mention there are some decent jolt-scare moments along the way? Although they are generally telegraphed from a mile away, the audience I saw this with were shrieking and jumping impressively enough. Banks does a great crocodile smile and plays the evil stepmother well, whilst Kebbel and Browning are both good as the nervous siblings. It’s Emily Browning who is the main attraction here - she’s a pouting powerhouse of emotion and I think she’s destined for great things, look out for her in Sucker Punch next year (from the director of 300 and Watchmen).

There’s nothing very wrong here, but as a remake The Uninvited isn’t a patch on the original. If taken on its own merits it has more to offer than many recent horror efforts so it’s worth a look if you’ve got the hankering for some spookiness. However, after seeing a truly superb horror film like ‘Let The Right One In’, The Uninvited seems like an overly workmanlike effort.

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: öööööö (6 - Dumbed down but watchable)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 6
Style 7
Babes 8
Comedy 4
Spiritual Enlightenment 2

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at IGN- best line:"The Uninvited comes incredibly close to greatness, just narrowly missing a diabolically genius Hitchcock-like plot twist by inches, opting for a stale twist instead. But in between that distance is a world of hurt. "

Darkmatters Review - Gossip Girl Series 2

Gossip Girl Series 2, part 1 (DVD Set)

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

"Gossip erm ‘Girl’ here - your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite. And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell. You know you love me. xoxo, Gossip Girl"
That voice over running is a warning… A warning that you’re about to witness the most addictive (and fastest growing) series on TV. When sent the second series of Gossip Girl to review – I have to confess two things: 1. I have never watched any of series one and didn’t even know anything about the show and 2. I immediately thought ‘this is going to be girly tosh of the highest order’ – then I watched it. Whilst confessing here, I can also say that I fully intended to just watch the first episode and let loose my damning appraisal on the back of that limited exposure. But then I watched it and now after watching the entire first half of series 2 in an eye melting 12 episode-a-thon I’m the show’s biggest fan!

Think ‘The O.C.’ on sexy drugs, with better characters, sexier babes (Leighton Meester and Kristen Bell are nuclear hotties) and the guys aren’t bad either!?
Okay, so following what I’ve been reliably told (by my new Gossip Girl pals) was a devastating finale to Season 1 where Serena Van Der Woodsen (Blake Lively) and Dan Humphrey (Badgley), ended their season long relationship – now things hot up even more.

"Mmmmmmmm..."

If you want quality drama, sex partner swapping, scandal and rampantly awkward love triangles played out with teenagers then run, don’t walk to your nearest DVD retailer and grab Season 1 and this stellar follow up first 12 eps of Season 2.

As a parent of a wannabe teenager (he’s 12) I think Gossip Girl has also given be some invaluable insight into drug problems, abandonment, bulimia, self-esteem issues etc. So it’s not all just watching hot young people making out – honestly!?

Here’s some plot tasters - Blair (Meester) returns from her summer trip to Europe with a charming new boyfriend, named James (Patrick Heusinger), and it turns out he’s like a total English Lord!? Meanwhile Serena is still struggling to get over her breakup with Dan takes a liking to a young lifeguard. Meanwhile, Nate gets involved in a steamy relationship with an older woman, named Catherine whom is married.= and Rufus is still on tour with his band… You get the idea.

Gossip Girl is the perfect storm of cute cast, sexy behaviour and serious bitching – wrapped around the lifestyles of the rich and soon to be famous. Highly recommended viewing, just don’t be too surprised if you get utterly addicted – gotta go and track down the latest episodes now!





"Kristen Bell... yummy yes!?"

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: ööööööööö (9 - trashy and superb in equal measure)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 6
Style 9
Babes 8
Comedy 7
Spiritual Enlightenment 5

Become The Joker - exclusive to PS3 this Summer

"Both were good, but wait till you see Matt 'being the Joker' online this year!"


"This is what we want... PlayStation Home breaking exclusive news!"

If you're a Batman fan, chances are you'll want to be picking up the excellent looking Arkham Asylum game that hits in a couple of months.

Today some very cool news broke in Home... If you want to 'be' The Joker - you'll have to choose the PlayStation 3 version of the game - I'm sold!!

Arkham Asylum was one of my favourite Batman graphic novels so I can see this game getting lots of play when it releases - see you online (cleric20).


"Why so serious? Oh, you have an Xbox 360?"

Read more about this over at the awesome PS3Attitude

Darkmatters Review - FEAST

FEAST (18)

Dir. John Gulager

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Remember that Project Greenlight thing where Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, and Chris Moore helped produce new flicks... Well Feast is from the third season of that project - and it's a gleefully splatter-em-up monster movie.

Feast is rampantly gory and yet also very tongue-in-cheek. It also boasts one of my all time favourite sequences where it introduces each character with cheeky freeze-frame portrait listing out their Name, Occupation, A Fun Fact and a guide to their expected Life Expectancy... see below


"Worth seeing just for these character intros... will certainly borrow this for Darkmatters: The Movie one day!"

Feast's plot is a simple one - a group of strangers find themselves in a middle-of-nowhere bar, a guys stumbles in - 'Hero' (Eric Dane), who tells that there are monsters from hell on their way... There are and the monsters eat most of the cast.
It's played out heavy on the gore and the funnies, think Aliens meets The Evil Dead 2 and you'll get the idea.

Henry Rollins is funny as a motivational speaker prone to spewing self-help platitudes but this is a B-movie through and through - and should only be watched by those looking for a dumb, horror to go with their beer on a Friday night.

Planning to watch this with the family? Guess again - let's look at the info from 'Kids In Mind .com' who watch nasty FUBAR films and then describe all the most grim aspects in detail on their website so that squeamish folks can avoid such nastiness e.g.: "A creature pulls an animal skull off its head (it was wearing it as a mask) and we see its many very sharp teeth, and it roars and snaps."

They also count all the Profanity in the film - 67 F-words and its derivatives, 5 sexual references, 36 scatological terms, 13 anatomical terms, 11 mild obscenities, 1 derogatory term for homosexuals, 1 derogatory term for the physically challenged, name-calling (stupid), 13 religious profanities, 11 religious exclamations.

You have been warned...


"Tuffy (Krista Allen) - is on the menu"

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: ööööööö (7 - almost classic B-Movie monster carnage overload)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 7
Style 7
Babes 7
Comedy 6
Spiritual Enlightenment -2

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at Dr Gore

- best line:"“Feast” is a must see for B-movie fans. It has everything you could want from a monster movie. Monsters? Check. Blood? Lots of it. Dismemberments? Absolutely. Emmanuelle, (Krista Allen), with a shotgun pounding a monsters face in? Heck yeah! The only thing missing from “Feast” is some gratuitous nudity. "

Darkmatters Review - I Love You Man

I Love You Man (15)

Dir. John Hamburg

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Here’s a comedy male bonding experience or ‘bromance’ if you will which tackles the issue of how men find it hard to make friends after a certain age... You know how when you’re six you can just ask any passing boy to come in and jump on your parents bed together and that means you’re pals but that option kind of runs out when you’re through college.

I Love You Man sees wimpy Peter Klaven (Paul ‘Role Models’ Rudd) get engaged to his girlfriend Zooey (Rashida Jones) and then realise that he has no male friends to be in his Wedding party. Cue a series of amusing situations where he tries to meet some new buddies via internet sites, cruising the gym where his gay younger brother works and trying to ingratiate himself with the husbands of his fiancé’s girl friends.

Director John ‘Along Came Polly’ Hamburg gives it a decent go and almost pulls off a Judd Apatow like raucous comedy. But alas I Love You Man runs out of steam and ends up being a forgettable ‘near miss’, too vulgar to be a family friendly flick, not gross out or funny enough to please those who list ‘Knocked Up’ or ‘Superbad’ in their top films. There is a fun cameo from former ‘Hulk’ Lou Ferrigno though which was good value.

So... Just when it looks like Peter is doomed to live with nothing but girls for pals he meets free spirited Sydney Fife’ (Jason ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’ Segel) – who looks exactly like my pal Tom. Sydney is a dictionary definition alpha male slacker, who has his own ‘man cave’ complete with rock instruments, beer fridge and several TVs. Here’s a guy who instils some macho home truths into softy Peter like: “Society tells us we're civilized but the truth is we are animals. Sometimes we just have to let it out.”
But this new found injection of testosterone doesn’t play well with Peter’s intended life partner Zooey who isn’t quite ready to embrace the guitar licking of RUSH or accept the uninhibited masculinity that Sydney brings to the party.
Can Peter balance the mates / wife equation or will it all end in tears?

There’s enough here to make it worth seeing but don’t go expecting anything special or memorable. For you guys reading this – why not get into the spirit of this film by telling a mate who you enjoy hanging out with that you love him… Let me know how that goes.

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: ööööö (5 - average when it should have been really funny)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 6
Style 5
Babes 5
Comedy 6
Spiritual Enlightenment 5

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at Hollywood Jesus

- best line:"And so begins what may very well be THE defining film of "Bromedy." Complete with the self-pity inducing "couple montage," a whirlwind of disastrous "first dates," the chance entrance of "the one," the empowering bloom of that relationship, the conflict, the break-up, and the reunion, I Love You, Man couldn't follow the romantic comedy formula any closer. The only difference is that at the center of this platonic comedy are two men."

Darkmatters gone review'n... with a monkey called Frank

Reviewing things is in my blood...

Have been putting my trusty Vaio laptop through the paces writing up a series of eclectic reviews for the rather wonderful 'Frank The Monkey' entertainment site...

So if you've ever wondered how good I thought:

Funky mad PSP game PATAPON 2
(taster - Prepare to kiss you thumb muscles goodbye as the sequel to the highly addictive rhythm button basher ‘Patapon’ marches back onto the PSP with a mass of new features.)


Not so very grisly murder's in Midsomer Murders
(taster - The fictional Midsomer (where I’m told it’s virtually impossible to get life insurance these days due to it having the highest number of murderers per capita anywhere in the world) is on the surface a tranquil, picturesque, English county.)


Power Metal rockers Blind Guardian
(taster - imagine if Queen had all been possessed by Satan and their ball burning anthems were being used to torment virginal nuns…)


or even

Sadistic death game movie Saw V
(taster - Hello reader, I want to play a game. Right now, you are feeling curious, you’re maybe thinking about watching a horror sequel but you don’t know whether to take a risk on part V of a series which started strong and has got progressively weaker each time out.)

were - then click the link and find out!?

Darkmatters Review - Race To Witch Mountain

Race to Witch Mountain (PG)

Dir. Andy Fickman - The Game Plan etc

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Buckle up for a hyperactive boost of alien chase action – Disney style…
Race to Witch Mountain is a pseudo remake / update of the 1970’s Escape to Witch Mountain, the new version is every bit as good and boy it looks great – with big expensive special effects running rampant. The budget people at The Mouse House have really gone for the ‘let’s hit the screen with everything we can’ formula. If you sign up for the trip to Witch Mountain you’ll get flashy flying saucers, an evil intergalactic assassin (not a million miles away from a Terminator) and two cool / cute kids with unearthly powers, oh and lots of pile-em-up car chases.



"The clockwork orange experiments - the junior years"

AnnaSophia ‘Bridge to Terabithia’ Robb and Alexander ‘The Dark Is Rising’ Ludwig are Sara and Seth, two alien youngsters who have crash-landed at Witch Mountain in the U.S. Seems that their own world is dying due to pollution (Hhmm – could there be a moral for us being not so subtly squeezed in here?). Now the chase is on for them to recover a vital piece of evidence which might be the key for them to save their own planet. But in true ET style the Government are keen to apprehend and experiment on our young alien visitors.


"Is Annasophia Robb the new Keira Knightley?"

Who can the little lost extraterrestrials turn to for help? Why – only Jack Bruno (Dwayne ‘once known as The Rock’ Johnson) a loveable rogue taxi driver and handily on the scene UFO boffin Alex Friedman (Carla ‘Watchmen’ Gugino).

The action takes place mostly back and forth between Las Vegas and the Nevada desert – the Government goons chase doggedly, some nasty gangsters try to get in on the action and the alien assassin / bounty-hunter blows up lots of stuff. Nothing makes a great deal of sense but as I said before – it sure does look good.
Unfortunately, director Andy’ The Game Plan’ Fickman manages to fumble the action scenes (of which there are lots due to the film being co-written by Mark Bomback of Die Hard 4.0 fame). That leaves little else to impress although the kids try their best and will both probably go on to better things.


"The US Government apparently wants to 'probe' this young alien - how wrong is that?"

I did find the wry section set at a Sci-fi convention appealed to my inner sci-fi nerd, there’s a great moment when two Star Wars Stormtroopers get into Bruno’s taxi, plus there’s the obligatory Disney dog cameo character that raised a smile but overall Race to Witch Mountain is a fun but forgettable family friendly action flick. And it even sets up a sequel… If you are a movie buff, enjoy graphic design or other aspects of visual communication, pursuing an online bachelor degree can prepare you for the rigors of a career in Hollywood, and maybe you can make movies less forgettable than this one!?

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: öööööööö (8 -fun while it lasts but won't be remembered)
Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 8
Style 7
Babes 7
Comedy 7
Spiritual Enlightenment 5

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at The Guardian - best line:

"At one stage, the aliens explain that they are able to cover vast tracts of outer-space by using wormholes as a shortcut. This made me long for my own personal wormhole, right through to the closing credits."

Darkmatters Review - The Boat That Rocked

The Boat That Rocked (15)

Dir. Richard Curtis

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

All those wishing to travel aboard the latest feel good vessel helmed by Richard ‘Love Actually’ Curtis should make their way to the nearest cinema now. The Boat That Rocked plots a romantic comedy course through the choppy waters of the late sixties when rock music was deemed unhealthy by the repressive Establishment and the British public had to tune in to ‘pirate’ stations to hear filth like The Rolling Stones.

Blessed with a stellar cast including the always excellent Philip Seymour Hoffman as uber DJ ‘The Count’, Rhys Ifans as super cool (and purple wearing) legend of the airwaves ‘Gavin’ and Bill Nighy as captain of the dubious ship Rock Radio ‘Quentin’. These loveable scallywags are ably supported by comic genius Nick ‘Hot Fuzz’ Frost as literally larger than life ‘Dave’ and Tom Wisdom as the leather trouser wearing sex god ‘Midnight Mark’.

Into this sleazy melting pot of sex, drugs and rock n roll on the ocean waves is thrown virginal youngster Carl (a nicely awkward performance from Tom Sturridge) – he sent onboard after being expelled from school by his swinging mother because one of the men on the boat might just be his father…

Arrayed against the pop loving, sea faring miscreants are the forces of law and order embodied by government minister Dormandy (a tightly wound Kenneth Branagh) and his right hand ‘hit’man who rejoices in the name of ‘Twatt’ (an effectively odious turn from Jack Davenport). Can the powers that be shut down the pirates and win the hearts and minds back of the 23million people who tune in the raucous musical banter? The resulting battle of wits is the main dramatic element of the film which is otherwise a two hour series of set pieces set to the funkiest ‘60s tunes (which music lovers may enjoy even more with their eyes shut). The soundtrack is excellent – The Kinks, The Who, Hendrix, Cream, The Beach Boys… even if you weren’t around to appreciate these at the time there will be many who can discover some cracking tracks (handily available on double disk film soundtrack CD).

As the forces of grey and boring close in on the naughty pirates, the film veers into a pseudo dramatic Titanic-esq homage, will the rogue ‘heroes’ meet a watery grave by the end credits? There is the real danger that all hands will be lost as Curtis ramps up the schmaltz and goes for the sentiment jugular but if you’re able to just appreciate this boat for the mildly funny moments it delivers you’ll go home smiling.

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: ööööööö (7 - funky but schmaltzy)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 5
Style 7
Babes 7
Comedy 7
Spiritual Enlightenment 4

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at PictureNose or DEN OF GEEK - best line:

"Remember the 1960s? No? What do you mean you weren't born? What do you mean you were a toddler? Oh, well, Richard Curtis' latest film might still be for you, if you don't mind gulping down a boatload of second-hand nostalgia with your comedy film experience."

If you liked The Boat That Rocked you migh want to check out:

The RunAways

"Dakota Fanning rocks out in The RunAways"

Emily Browning - Babetastic in Sucker Punch

"Emily on release in the UK April '09 - Uninvited"

Emily Browning is a fast rising actress who wowed audiences is Lemony Snicket a couple of years ago... http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2004/12/emily-browning-and-co-stars.html

This month she'll be back on the big screen in The Uninvited which looks okay - better news is you can see her in the absolutely babelicious cast of Sucker Punch... see them here

"Emily Browning is going to be BIG"

Sucker Punch is Zack Snyder's follow up to the excellent Watchmen - raising pulses in 2011.

Here's miss Browning looking very very good:


"cute"


"Yep - she's a hottie"

"next to be seen in what's being called 'Alice in Wonderland' with machine guns!?"

"check the blonde look"

"brings the pain"

"girls in underware - that's pants!?"

Check out Darkmatter top ten film babes 2008 ...

Red Faction Guerrilla- incoming destruction on PS3

"viva la RED FACTION... guerrilla"

Check out the cool trailer for what looks like being one of the most destructive PS3 games to hit this year (ETA 9 June):


"somebody tell the G20"


Have been invited to the closed Beta for this and am looking forward immensely to 'going red'...

Blurb goes: "Set 50 years after the climactic events of the original Red Faction, this third-person open-world action-shooter returns to Mars and once again re-defines the limits of destruction-based game-play."

What with this and the excellent looking Battlefield Bad Company 2 also promising 'more destruction', it sure looks like '09 will be a year when things will go 'boom' - then crumble realistically to the ground... nice one!

Darkmatters review - Knowing

Knowing (15)

Dir. Alex Proyas 'previously of The Crow, Dark City and I Robot'

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“Knowing me, knowing you, ah ha!!” sorry, the wife’s just been hitting the Singstar Abba on the PS3 – whilst I got to witness Knowing and report back on its merits.

What would you do if you had a list of every major disaster which had occurred for the last 50 years – and it included some that hadn’t happened yet, one of which might just be the end of the entire world? That’s the premise for Alex Proyas’ stylish apocalyptic sci-fi epic Knowing which bites off a hard to digest slice of disturbing ‘fate or determinism’ theological debate.

Nicolas Cage (looking more like a startled goat with every film he makes) is an unlikely astrophysics professor whose son Caleb (rising child star Chandler ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ Canterbury) is the recipient of the disaster tracking page of numbers.

Things get progressively more freaky as the predicted disasters occur in a flurry of budget trashing large scale set pieces that include a truly horrific subway train crash. Knowing keeps the audience guessing by setting up a string of key questions such as ‘What happened to the odd looking little girl who wrote the doomsday number list itself as part of a school time capsule project?’, ‘Why didn’t she fill in a National Lottery grid or two and live happily ever after?’ or ‘who are those weird, darkly clad mystery men who start following young Caleb around?’ There are lots of ideas here, mix and matching influences from numerous sci-fi classics and the result has polarised critics but for me Knowing delivered a decent slice of nail biting hokum.

I freely confess to being a big fan of Alex ‘The Crow and Dark City’ Proyas, he is a visionary director whose last movie I Robot managed to turn the Asimov’s high brow robo-future nightmare into a decent action flick for Will Smith. Here, even saddled with a rank performance from Cage, there is much to appreciate - not least the impressively bleakly hopeful spiritual elements that elevate this way beyond the like of weaker end of days efforts such as The Happening.

Biblical in its scope and uncompromising in the scenes of devastation Knowing isn’t really light entertainment. But, if you’re looking for something to provoke debate and make you wonder again about our human nature and future destiny you ‘know’ what to choose.

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: öööööööö (8 -Not Knowingly Underwhelmed)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 8
Style 8
Babes 6
Comedy 6
Spiritual Enlightenment 9

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at FANGORIA - best line:

"And the simple fact that it has more on its mind than the usual empty megamovie spectacle is a plus, even if that mind is severely addled. KNOWING is a lot of things—too many things—but dull isn’t one of them.."

Orange Films are 'go' Darkmatters loves em!!

"feel the glamour... enjoy the trailers!"

Get over to Orange Film studios - click here

Darkmatters review - Lesbian Vampire Killers

Lesbian Vampire Killers (15)

Dir. Phil Claydon

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

- can't be bothered to read the whole review? Here's the one line or ' Twitter' version:

"nice name, fun idea, weak film... Horne and Corden can and should do better. Don't waste your time"

Sucking the will to live from the audiences across the land come the‘new comedy sensation double act’ of Mathew Horne and James Corden also known as lads from Gavin and Stacey.

These are two really funny blokes (just check their BBC3 TV comedy show – my pick is their YPC sketch which has funky Christian songsters singing tunes like ‘Father Please Touch Me Tonight’) - and heaven knows I've been to enough of those!?

But Lesbian Vampire Killers is just a bawdy,depressingly unfunny Brit comedy effort that fails to satisfy on every level.This is a film obviously aimed at those out there who have to spell out the words in The Sun and think that FHM is a bit ‘high brow’ –basically it’s Nuts Magazine the movie. Crass, sexist and dubious at every turn, if you sign up to see this 87 minutes of knuckle scraping soft-core twaddle you’ll get to spend the time in the company of Fletch (Corden) and Jimmy (Horne) who take an ill advise hiking trip to deepest,darkest Norfolk. Jimmy is chronically unlucky in love and is looking toget over being dumped for the seventh time by his flighty girlfriend Judy(Lucy Gaskell). Fletch on the other hand is a walking hard-on, lager inhis veins and puerile banter only ever a heartbeat away from his lips.

But just shouting ‘get in’ or ‘phowaar look at that’ can’t make youlike or care about characters who really don’t have anything to offer in terms of emotional empathy.You could call this a homage to the saucier 1970s Hammer-horror exploitations flicks that were all the rage for a while but for the factthat Lesbian Vampire Killers isn’t remotely scary or even very saucy.The plot is limited to the two dim main characters straying into the clutches of centuries old evil ‘queen of the vampires’ Camilla – and finding that they might just be the ones referred to in an ancient prophecy. Could these two losers be the foretold heroes to end the evil curse that turns all the womenfolk of Cragwich into blood craving girl fancying creatures of the night upon their 18th birthday? Take a wild guess...It’s perhaps a little unfair to judge this low budget and witless dross to the genius of similar horror comedies such as Shaun of the Dead but I feel that readers need to be warned because the trailer gives the impression that there might be something worth seeing here.

The scariest thing is that the ending sets up a possible sequel – be afraid - although "Big Gay Werewolf Killers" has a certainly disturbing ring to it...

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: öööö (4 - drunken lads only need apply)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:
Action 6
Style 5
Babes 7
Comedy 5
Spiritual Enlightenment -2

Not convinced? check out this review of the film over at The Telegraph

their best line:

"Embracing the film’s retro-sleaze quotient wholeheartedly, Corden has his beer-swilling moments in the first half, before he’s consigned to a fate worse than death – digging around endlessly in badly-lit graves with Paul McGann."

Orange 'vision' comes to Darkmatters

ORANGE VISION...

Want to see the new Orange infomercial mini film?

Yeah, me too and so here it is - enjoy (and be sure to come back on the 27th March when new exclusive content will be revealed!?):

Have a click over the excellent - ORANGE FILM SUDIOS too and read why Mr Dresden is so excited:

www.orange.co.uk/orangefilmstudios

Darkmatters review - Bronson

Bronson (18)

Dir. Nicolas Winding Refn ‘The Pusher trilogy’

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

We go now live to HMP Wakefield, where Charles ‘Britain’s most notorious prisoner’ Bronson himself has recorded a message for those thinking of viewing this biopic of his life: "I'm proud of this film, because if I drop dead tonight, then I live on. I make no bones about it, I really was... a horrible, violent, nasty man. I'm not proud of it, but I'm not ashamed of it either... See you at the Oscars."

Bronson tells the unhappy tale of Charles Bronson (born Michael Gordon Peterson), who is potentially Luton’s most famous prodigal son, still residing at Her Majesty’s pleasure. Director Refn unleashes this ferocious, crunchingly violent drama like a double barrel shotgun blast to the face. Tom Hardy is amazing in the lead performance – capturing the crackling energy of the man who was locked away in 1974 aged only 21, for an armed robbery which saw him get away with the sum total of just £26.18. Once on the inside however it seems that Bronson found his vocation for violent misconduct, if you could get a City & Guilds in ‘wounding with intent’, he’d have bagged his NVQ in no time. The original seven year sentence was repeatedly extended for crimes committed in prison which included hostage-taking, staging rooftop protests and causing untold violent chaos.

The big screen depiction of ‘the man, the myth, the celebrity’, that Bronson has come to be known as largely thanks to the tabloid press, injects some pleasing Clockwork Orange references and a compelling docu-drama style. Bronson is portrayed here as a misunderstood man who has deep principles, but also severe sociopathic tendencies. One minute he’s a laughing and joking showman, the next he fixes the audience with a dead eyed stare of utter menace…

As prison dramas go Bronson is definitely a cut above the average fare, and whilst many will get off on the violent scenes, there is much here to ponder. Is the prison system actually to blame for exacerbating his negative behaviour? Could it be that being institutionalised and then confined to solitary incarceration for the majority of his ‘record breaking’ sentence might have actually given him cause for some additional violent tendencies?

The release of this film is timely given that Bronson’s latest parole hearing was scheduled to take place last week. He might have missed the Oscars this year but there’s no way of knowing what sort of spectacle he could cause there next year if he does get released!

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: öööööööö (8 - Strong stuff)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 7,

Style 8,

Babes 6,

Comedy 7,

Spiritual Enlightenment 6

check out this good review of the film over at TWITCH

they came up with the ultimate sign off line:

"Now if only they can get the real Charlie Bronson to do a commentary track on the DVD"

Darkmatters review - Watchmen

Watchmen (18)

Dir. Zack Snyder ‘300, Dawn of the Dead’

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Rorschach's Journal: March 8th 2009: I find myself in the future – somehow a film has been made depicting the incredible events that occurred back in 1985 when this city was afraid of me. It had reason to, I had seen its true face. The streets were extended gutters and the gutters were full of blood. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder foamed up about their waists and all the whores and politicians looked up and shouted 'Save us!'

And I whispered

'no'.




Welcome to the end of the Superhero movie as we know it. Zack ‘300’ Snyder has brought the once deemed ‘un-filmable’ landmark graphic novel by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons to the big screen and nothing will ever be quite the same.

Watchmen is a nuclear powered behemoth of thought provoking superhero action, breathtaking visual flair and gut churning violence. I was prepared for bitter disappointment because the original comic boasts such a deep vein of rich intermingled sub plots, fantastical imagery and mind bending intellectual concepts – how could it be possibly be effectively captured in just under three hours of screen time? But to my delight and amazement Watchmen delivers on the big screen better than I dared hope. The sheer dedication and flawless attention to the source material is admirable, the vivid way that the original pages have literally ‘come to life’ in jaw dropping high resolution makes this a bona fide visual masterpiece.

For those seeking wham bang no brain action, this isn’t going to be for you because whilst there are some excellent action scenes, this is film that requires brainpower for maximum appreciation. Watchmen is a truly adult themed thriller, set in an alternative 1985 where Richard Nixon has won a third term as president and the Cold War has taken the world to brink of nuclear Armageddon.

After an excellent scene setting credit sequence we witness the murder of The Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), a mercenary / hero with dubious morals and a taste for carnage. His death sets one time colleague Rorschach, a masked vigilante (superb turn from Jackie Earle Haley) on the trial of whoever might be looking to execute masked heroes.
Writer Alan Moore said: "I suppose I was just thinking, 'That'd be a good way to start a comic book: have a famous super-hero found dead.' As the mystery unravelled, we would be led deeper and deeper into the real heart of this super-hero's world, and show a reality that was very different to the general public image of the super-hero."

The complex tale includes back story elements of the other ‘Watchmen’ including the only ‘actual’ superhero Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup), a naked, glowing blue skinned powerful being created in a science-lab accident. Manhattan is a walking talking weapon of mass destruction – used by Nixon to win the Vietnam War almost single handedly, but whose humanity seems to be retreating. Then there’s Nite Owl (Patrick Wilson) once Rorschach’s partner, a tech genius who sports a Batman like array of gadgets and wears an owl caped outfit.
Ozymandias (Matthew Goode) on the other hand is Earth's smartest man, who also boosts amazing reflexes and Silk Spectre II (Malin ’27 Dresses’ Akerman) who wears a mean skimpy latex outfit.



You’ll need to pay attention to keep up with the twisting plot elements as the storyline delights in pulling the rug from under the viewer. Don’t go expecting a simple spoon fed structure or a traditional blockbuster ending – we’re in serious end of the world territory here.

Some of the original graphic novel has obviously had to be cut – there will be a soon to be released DVD animated companion of the Tales of the Black Freighter pirate story within the story sub fiction. And we can only hope that there will be additional scenes restored for the rumoured Director’s cut Blu-Ray too.

Then there’s also a Watchmen downloadable PSN game (which from the demo I’ve played allows you to beat the living daylights out of convicts as either Nite Owl or Rorschach) and some tasty free Watchmen items in Home to nab. But most importantly to get the most from the movie, I can only really recommend that you swot up on the original graphic novel. It is the must read authoritative Old Testament without which we might never have had The Dark Knight’s New Testament…

Highly recommended, an intelligent choice for those who can handle extreme violence, superhero sex and challenging thinking. Repeated viewing essential.




Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: ööööööööö (9 - Excellent)

Darkmatters quick reference guide: Action 9, Style 9, Babes 8, Comedy 7, Spiritual Enlightenment 8

Darkmatters Film Review - Franklyn

Franklyn (15)

Dir. Gerald McMorrow

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Welcome to ‘Meanwhile City’ a dark place where reality hasn't got a prayer… This is a tasty, intelligent, strange and disturbing noir thriller that messes with you head and works a contrived build up to one climactic scene where the path of single bullet will decide the fate of four lost souls.
Brit director McMorrow does a decent job with some weird and wonderful characters intermingling their stories, none more cool than masked assassin Jonathan Preest (Ryan Philip) who looks like a spookier Rorschach…
Lots of the fun can be had trying to work out how the freaky faith obsessed sprawling gothic steampunk megacity called ‘Meanwhile’ fits in with our own existence in present-day London. Or why sexy but seriously unhinged student Amelia (Eva Green) is filming herself in various suicide bids? Also there’s the riddle of how and why Esser’s (Bernard Hill) son disappeared, is he dead, is someone else, has he gone mad? And then there’s the cleaner… WTF?? That cleaner had my friend John and I scratching our heads long after the credits had rolled and most of the other plot strands had be resolved.
Anyway, the main storyline sees jilted young Milo (Sam Riley) who is struggling to get his act back together whilst also obsessing about Sally (Eva Green) – his childhood crush... His best man is worried about him, as is his mental mother.
There are some genius comedy moments mixed in with the gloomy main plotlines. My pick of the bunch is when Preest is asked his religion, “What’s yours?” he replies only to be told: "I'm a Seventh-Day Manicurist…" genius!
Franklyn is flawed but it channels enough good ideas from other movies, some deft nods of the head to classic sci-fi movies and still brings plenty of new creative stuff to the table to make it worth checking out.
You’ll need to think about it though and preferably have decent IQ to really enjoy it. As Sally tells Milo at one point: “life's too much of an adventure as it is, without making anything else up.” Doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy made up nonsense like this…

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: öööööööö (8 - Good stuff)

Darkmatters quick reference guide: Action 7, Style 8, Babes 7, Comedy 7, Spiritual Enlightenment 8

"Eva Green - crazy but fit!"

Darkmatters Review - Gran Torino

Gran Torino (15)

Dir. Clint Eastwood 'Million Dollar Baby, Mystic River'

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Do you feel lucky? Huh? Go ahead…make my day. Nobody does iconic banter like Clint Eastwood and now here he is at almost eighty still cracking quotable lines like “Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn't have f**ked with? That's me.”
Gran Torino sees Eastwood direct himself in the role of Walt Kowalski, an all American antihero (at heart) battling gangs, immigrants and the well meaning attentions from his local priest. Kowalski is a bitter widower carrying masses of guilt from his time in the Korean War, he can’t relate to his spoilt grown up children and can’t stand the way that his formerly white neighbourhood is being taken over by ‘gooks’.
This is a guy who is wound so tightly that you just know that he will snap before the end credits – what isn’t apparent is the form his unleashing of frustration will take. When Walt catches his new neighbour Thao (a rough and ready turn from the young Bee Vang) attempting to steal his beloved '72 Gran Torino, things take an unexpected turn and neither of their lives will be the same.
Acting wise Clint takes centre stage and burns the screen with his formidable presence, the supporting cast do their best including a memorable turn from Christopher Carley as the rookie priest who is seeking to help him work through his issues. As well as the deeper life questions, there are laugh out loud moments aplenty when John Carroll Lynch pops up as the local barber with whom Walt has a monthly hair cut / mutual abuse session.
You probably won’t see a less politically correct movie this year, every other line is going to be offensive to someone – but Kowalski is more than just Alf Garnett with a rifle. Gran Turino has real heart and emotional depth, packing a compelling mix of violence, comedy and heart breaking drama.
The tension builds well up to a climactic showdown – where the former Dirty Harry takes on the gang that is wrecking the lives of Thao’s family and threatening to derail his future. As a director and actor Eastwood takes us on a powerful journey that stays just the right side of schmaltz. If he makes no more movies after this he’ll have signed off in fine style.

Arbitrary Darkmatters final rating of: ööööööööö (9 - Excellent)

Darkmatters quick reference guide: Action 8, Style 8, Babes 6, Comedy 7, Spiritual Enlightenment 8

Quote: "I'll blow a hole in your face then go inside and sleep like a baby. "

The Killers destroy the O2

"playing to the London fans..."

The Killers - live at the O2 Feb 24th 2009

Reaction by Matt Adcock

As a big Killers fan I've seen them live several times and they always rock but the latest O2 show was again something special...

Along with the amazing 'blow the roof off' Spaceman, Mr Brightside, When You Were Young and All These Things That I've Done etc the playlist included many of my personal favs including: Sweet Talk, Dustland Fairytale, This is Your Life, This River is Wild...


"UFOs spotted over the Killers whilst on stage..."

Genius stuff... Highly recommended!

Previous Darkmatters posts on The Killers

http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2008/10/are-we-human-or-are-we-dancer.html

http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2006/09/matt-gets-killers-tickets-wife-very.html

http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2006/09/he-doesnt-look-thing-like-jesus.html