Matt is Raised By Wolves (Season 1 reaction)

 

Raised by Wolves – Season 1 

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

‘Alright, now, listen carefully. A malfunctioning android, a Cleric, and a cat walk into a brothel. The malfunctioning android requests an android whore with mechanical skills. The Cleric requests a virgin with the knowledge of the Mithraic mysteries. But the cat... the cat can't decide what to ask for, so he turns to the malfunctioning android and the Cleric and asks for suggestions. The Cleric turns to the malfunctioning android and says, "How is it a cat can speak?" To which the malfunctioning android turns and says, "I am malfunctioning. None of this is actually happening. The cat doesn't exist, and neither do you." To which the Cleric then says, "Thank goodness. For a minute there, I thought I was losing my mind." You see, it's a paradox. I have many jokes tailored for geniuses like yourself. ”' 

I love sci-fi, it’s possibly my fav genre, so eagerly lapped up this HBO series from Ridley Scot the creator of Blade Runner and Alien. As high-concepts go, having a story centre around two androids, Mother (Amanda Collin) and Father (Abubakar Salim), tasked with escaping earth and starting humankind anew on a far-flung world of Kepler-22b is a decent one. 

'come to mummy'

As per many future predictions, we have managed to ravage our home world by going to war over religious disagreement – and now the plan of the Atheists is to try and raise a new colony unbridled by any religion. What follows is a fascinating philosophy-em-up that incorporates many elements from existing theologies, borrows liberally from other sci-fi films and books and blends it all into a compelling mix. 

Some have pondered that Raised by Wolves is actually based on one of the ancient Hebrew apocalyptic texts ‘The Book of Enoch’ that was deemed too wacky to make it into the standard C of E approved Bible. It’s not actually impossible when you look closer… The Book of Enoch features angels that fell from heaven in ‘The Book of the Watchers’ – the ideas around heaven and hell as places of isolation with communion between the inhabitants limited to antipathy such as the passage: "And these spirits shall rise up against the children of men and against the women because they have proceeded from them. From the days of the slaughter and destruction and death of the giants, from the souls of whose flesh the spirits, having gone forth, shall destroy without incurring judgement." etc etc… 

By the end of the series, it doesn’t seem to be a huge stretch to envisage Kepler-22b as some prototype Garden of Eden – especially when you take into account the form that the offspring takes at the end of the series!? 

'we can't help ourselves'

But even this pseudo-religious posturing doesn’t undo what is actually a kick-ass show, the characters are well developed, the danger and threat levels sustained and the possibilities to be explored in season 2 are fascinating to ponder. Mother is set to be an iconic sci-fi character, she certainly was my favourite thing about the series so far. Part battle angel, part nurturing guardian – all ass kick, screams-that-make-you-explode weapon!! It would be quite brilliant if Scott introduces elements from the Alien timeline into this series – both sharing lots of android action and xenomorphic wildlife… 

Raised by Wolves is a great series that I hope gets the chance to run and run – unlike my possibly fav sci-fi show FireFly which never made it past one season…

Out of a potential 5 - you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öööö1/2

(4.5 - Quality sci-fi, much to chew on)

Awesomeness öööö – Spectacular set-pieces and general high narrative production

Laughs ööö – Father brings the funny

Horror öööö – Violence and scary stuff in places

Spiritual Enlightenment öö - God is the cause of all problems?

click below for some dark sci-fi reading...

Darkmatters Review: Dead Nation: Apocalypse Edition PS4

Dead Nation: Apocalypse Edition PS4 

Developed by Housemarque (who made the excellent ‘RESOGUN’)

Review by Matt Adcock

When there is no more room in hell – the dead will grab a PS4…

That time has come!!

Dead Nation is without doubt one of the best zombie-em-ups yet (and let’s face it, there are quite a few to choose from out there) – slick, brutal and very very fun to play. Downloading this game (which is lovely and free thanks to PS+) I was immediately impressed with the cool menus, the innovative features (e.g. a real time world-wide leader board which shows how each nation is getting on clearing the zombie hoards etc. so you can see if we in the UK are staying ahead of our cheese eating French friends!?).

"are you ready?"

Offering players a seriously satisfying variety of weapons with which to blow the shuffling / creeping / running menace of brain hungry scum back to hell, Dead Nation – with a superb ‘RPG lite’ mechanic that lets you upgrade and buy various guns (and extend their rate of fire, impact power or clip size etc.), grenades and mines from weapon shops. Your base weapon is an assault rifle which has unlimited ammo, a good amount of power / accuracy (the laser sight helps). It won’t be long however before you’ll want to add a submachine gun for crowd control and a heavy duty punch packing shotgun too – perfect for those ‘close encounters’. There is also a rather tasty flamethrower which is highly satisfying for bar-b-q ing some undead – who light up the night sky like hundreds of walking fireworks.

"The rush for the new Churches album got out of hand!"

Control wise players use the two dualshock sticks – one to move one to aim in a similar manner to Super Stardust HD - yep another tasty HouseMarque game - these guys are talented developers!

The feeling of being alone in a dark, devastated and highly dangerous city is highly adrenalin pumping, lit only from with the crackling neon glow from the few shops left, the sporadic pools of light from the occasional working streetlamps, the smoking fires and of course your trusty flashlight.

Abandoned cars hide hidden cash and possibly health packs, which can also be found in vending machines and treasure crates – and occasionally dropped by fallen foes. Cars can also be used as weapons because shooting some vehicles activates their alarms, which attracts nearby zombies who attack it – which is good time to shoot the fuel tank and torch the whole lot!

"one man and his high powered weapon can make a difference"

As you ramp up the difficulty levels the AI noticeably improves, and you’ll be hard pressed to make it through, fortunately the checkpoints are well positioned and if you die you can restart that section from a weapon shop – so possibly upgrading your weapons before retrying might make the difference.

Strategists are well served too – luring the nastier heavy mutants who can absorb your gunfire to a care or vending machine which you’ve rigged with a mine is satisfying strategy! There is also a great co-op mode (including online) so you can shred hundreds of zombies together – providing cover and jostling for rank yourself with online leader board.

Then there's also the lovely PS4 share button enables 'Broadcast+ mode' where as you stream your game to a viewing public, they in turn can actually influence your playthrough. Kind of like Need For Speed Rivals did via tablet app - viewers can hit you with additional zombie spawns or reward you with extra ammo drops etc - it's compelling because you don't want to suck at a game where you know people are watching!!

All in all Dead Nation is shaping up to be a fantastic addition for shoot-em-up loving PS4 gamers – it even comes with a Platinum trophy which is rare for a download game. Too bad for Xbox One owners that this won’t come their way as it really feels like ‘AAA’ title, even if it's a downloadable treat.

Now if you'll excuse me I need to get back to dispatching the undead!!
 
Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öööö

(4 - saving the world is fun on PS4)...

Darkmatters Top Film Picks 2013

Darkmatters Top Film Picks 2013

Matt Adcock - is looking forward to these...

Man of Steel

Zack ‘Watchmen’ Synder brings Superman back – and it looks like he might just have the film of the year on his hands. The trailer alone is better then Superman Returns… Superfans rejoice!

Now You See Me

This looks a lot of fun - pitting an elite FBI squad in a game of cat and mouse against "The Four Horsemen," a super-team of the world's greatest illusionists. "The Four Horsemen" pull off a series of daring heists against corrupt business leaders during their performances, showering the stolen profits on their audiences while staying one step ahead of the law.

A Good Day to Die Hard

McClane has to balance saving the world with father / son bonding time when a nuclear-weapons heist is uncovered by the CIA.

Iron Man 3

Shane ‘Lethal Weapon’ Black takes directing duties in what promises to be the darkest Iron Man tale yet…

Star Trek: Into Darkness

The Enterprise finds an unstoppable force of terror and so Captain Kirk boldly leads a manhunt to a war-zone – looks like a winning follow up to the effective reboot.

Pacific Rim

Mankind mechs-up to face down massive alien threat – sounds like a must see especially with Guillermo del Toro in the director’s chair.

The Wolverine

Jackman snicks his claws again – this time in Japan with added samurais!

Oblivion

No – not the film of the Elder Scroll game but actually an apocalyptic tale starring Tom Cruise…

World War Z

It’s the zombie threat writ large with Brad Pitt leading the human resistance…

The World’s End

Edgar ‘Shaun of the Dead’ Wright take the pub crawl to the next level as five friends must drink to save the world!?

Anchorman: The Legend Continues

All hail to the newsman… lots to live up to in this much anticipated sequel.

Mad Max: Fury Road

Tom Hardy takes over Gibson as the iconic dusty leather jacket and looks set to up the badass-ness (if that’s even possible).

Robopocalypse

Steven Spielberg is back with robot-tastic tale based on the book by Daniel H Wilson, about a robot-reliant world that’s threatened when one of its number becomes self-aware. Extra excitement as Drew ‘The Cabin In The Woods’ Goddard is doing the script.

Robocop

Hoping this will work but am very worried that it might have suffered a ‘soul bypass’ like Total Recall did in the remaking…

300: Battle of Artemisia

This prequel to the ‘This Is Sparta’ epic could go either way, but hopes are high for it – even if it sounded cooler when called Xerxes.

KICK ASS 2

Kick-Ass is back – for what just might be the Darkmatters film of 2013. Hit-Girl and Red Mist (who goes very very bad this time) are also back- this time directed by Jeff ‘Never Back Down’ Wadlow steps up and if it holds to the graphic novel plot – there will be as many people offended as those who love this!?

- What are you looking forward to in 2013 film wise?

DRIVE - Darkmatters Film of 2011

DRIVE (18)

Matt Adcock's film of 2011...

Think I have a new Favourite Film!! Am stunned and completely blown away by DRIVE...

See it, love it, download the awesome soundtrack, see it again - this is without doubt my FILM OF 2011!! (Not for the faint of heart but totally compelling, exciting, heart-breaking and thrilling)!?

Watch the trailer here:

 

Films just don't come much more intense, brutal, exciting and expertly crafted - think 'TRUE ROMANCE' crossed with 'BULLIT' - Nicolas Winding Refn (who made Pusher and Valhalla Rising) is a director to rival any!!

You really need to listen to this track from the soundtrack to get a feel for the awesomeness that DRIVE delivers...



 The car chases set new benchmarks but are far from the stars of the show -Ryan Gosling has created a new cinematic icon with his role of Driver (stunt driver by day, wheelman by night) and Carey Mulligan is superb as the girl next door who steals his heart (but is married to a criminal)...

"DRIVE - a romance with real emotion"

Darkmatters Review: RESISTANCE 3

Resistance 3 (18) PS3 Exclusive

Developed by Insomniac Games

Reviewed by Matt Adcock


Ah August, 1957… I still remember that fateful time…. It was yesterday…

America was lost to the Chimeran scum, we humans had been toasted on the battlefield, enslaved and even converted into freakish monsters – monsters who existed to hunt and kill the last humans left alive.

Sentinel Joseph Capelli had given up fighting the alien fiends after his dishonorable discharge from the army but now when his wife and son are threatened he must draw together the remnants of humanity left in the aftermath of the brutal Chimeran invasion. And try to form a new Resistance…

Insomniac Games’ are pretty darn tasty when it comes to working on the PS3 – Resistance 3 is their fifth-generation engine and it really shows. The graphics sparkle, the controls are immediately second nature and the levels to fight through are living, breathing masterpieces of cunning design. Resistance 3 is so full of win that it beats the living daylights out of the first two games. Everything has been refined, improved and machine tooled to give you a hair-raising, spine tingling blast-em-up par excellence!?

You get to ‘be’ Capelli as he fights for survival, packing new (and returning but now upgradeable) weapons, each is a joy to wield from the meaty human staples of magnums, shotguns, machine guns, rifles and snipers through to the energy bolt firing, see and shoot through walls alien weaponry. And if you think it’s fun using the lovely spread of weaponry in single player campaign (which can be co-oped) – just wait till you go up against your mates in multiplayer deathmatch with them!!

So yes, Resistance 3 is undoubtedly the best in the series to date, and it redeems the slightly less fun Resistance 2 which failed to cement the games as classics – if you only ever play one Resistance game, 3 is the magic number! I’m not kidding when I say that Resistance 3 is up there with Killzone 3 and Gears of War 3… This is a good year for ‘3’ games with Uncharted 3 and Mass Effect 3 still to come!

It’s not like there is a shortage of first-person shooters out there either (and with Battlefield 3 and Modern Warfare 3 arriving soon – more quality ‘3’ games) it looks like this is a golden era for making virtual warfare.

"Wow - what big teeth you have..."

I was lucky enough to face the Chrimera in person at the ‘And Darkness Descends’ live action prequel event in London – which was a great way to set up the plot of Resistance 3. But even if you’ve never played a Resistance game before and didn’t get to the ‘darkness’ event – R3 is so welcoming that you’ll feel like you’ve jumped straight into a brand franchise – and it will be one of your very favourites!!

And for those who like their shoot-em-up in 3D, Resistance 3 is an absolute beast in that it really gives Killzone 3 a run for it’s money in terms of how slick and immersive it feels. Yes it also packs the option to use the nifty PS3 Move Gun attachment too – so for those who like to pull a real trigger rather than a controller button – step right up!


Resistance 3 is an awesome game, anyone who likes to shoot stuff (especially sci-fi fans) will find hours of pleasure here. Don’t deny yourself a slice of superb fun – everything about Resistance 3 is pure class, the PS3 is kicking all sort of ass this year!!

"essential kit!"

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööööö

(5 - PS3 keeps the good times coming!!)...

Check out the official site

Darkmatters Review: Kill List

KILL LIST (18)

Dir. Ben Wheatley

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“They are bad people – They should suffer.”

What if there are malign, crazed occult forces at work behinds the scenes of our society?
Wouldn’t it be unnerving if they employed hit-men to take out people they deemed worthy of death – on a ‘Kill List’?

Step into the world of ex-squaddie Jay (Neil Maskell) he’s suffering from some sort of post traumatic stress disorder and although he and his pal Gal (Michael Smiley) are assassins for hire, he hasn’t been able to kill anyone for at least 8 months.

The film start as Gal and his odd girlfriend Fiona (Emma ‘PhoneShop’ Fryer) have dinner with Jay and Swedish his ex-military Mrs Shel (MyAnna ‘The Descent’ Burning). Things are not good with Jay and Shel – the meal is so naturalistic and charged with ill feeling that is one of the most painful domestic scenes ever committed to film.

Anyway, Gal gets Jay to agree to take on a lucrative hit – to wipe out 3 people on a kill list for some sinister old geezer who writes his contracts in blood. The film works through escalating ‘hits’ buoyed by the believable and likeable buddy banter of the two leads. There is a classic scene where the two have an alteration with a group of guitar happy Christians in a hotel restaurant – which alludes to a spiritual battle taking place behind the scenes - and certainly adds an extra element to the film which many will probably gloss straight over.

As a Christian I'm always interested in depictions of spiritual powers and their effect on us - be that the delusion of cults, the supernatural power of evil or (and never normally very well captured) the majestic all powerful nature of God (see TREE OF LIFE for best recent reflection on this). Kill List might not be your first choice for a spiritual film but it definitely packs a loaded element of supernatural disturbance...

"goodbye..."

Before you write Kill List off as a oddball quirky Brit gangster flick, you should know that if you let it, it will get under your skin and eat its way out from the inside! There is the growing palpable sense of unease that I haven’t experienced as deeply since the excellent voodoo dread feel of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. And yes horror fans Kill List morphs into a full-blooded horror film at the end, which left the audience I saw this with - in shocked, stunned silence with a super grim sucker punch ending.

The occult elements of the film aren’t worked as satisfyingly as might have been – indeed one of the mates I saw this with was left cold by the whole low budget, exposition less natural feel. But for those willing to embrace shocking violence, forgive slightly lumpy plot transitions and seek enjoyment in a weird and darkly funny British horror – Kill List marks itself out as a heavyweight viewing experience.

Think The Wicker Man (original), mixed with House of the Devil and Dead Man’s Shoes, set in a recession era modern day Britain and you have something altogether more interesting than most sugar coated supposed horror recent efforts.

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öööö

(4 - Turbo charged and spewing black fumes)...

Awesomeness öööö – some very heavy duty scenes

Laughs öö – a few dark chuckles to be had

Horror ööööö – some of this is beyond grim

Babes ööö – MyAnna Burning gives good blonde

Spiritual Enlightenment ööö - brutal and stark warped spirituality

"Oi son, your misses is a nutter..."

Resistance 3 comes to life - And Darkness Descends

"Dare you enter?"

And Darkness Descended... 

- A live action adventure experience based on the new PS3 game Resistance 3!? 

Experienced by Matt Adcock

"that's the smile of a survivor!"

Sony are pretty cool when it comes to game launches and so for the third in the Resistance Franchise, PlayStation 3 have commissioned immersive theatre specialists, Punchdrunk to create a unique survival experiment fusing theatre and gaming.

So you get to 'be' one of the last humans alive, stumbling through a mutant creature infested film set that is designed to freak even the hardiest gamer out... It's one thing when facing alien creatures and mutated humans on a screen (with a virtual gun to keep them at bay) - it's another thing entirely when you have to try and sneak through a hellish medical lab filled with wailing wounded, in the dark, stalked by alien creatures, with no weaponry of any sort.

I had to quote Frost from Aliens: "What the hell are we supposed to use man? Harsh language?" but even harsh language (or screaming very loudly which seemed to be the tactic employed by the females in our group) didn't work on our flesh hungry foes...

We weren't allowed to take pictures 'in' the adventure either but I did manage to do a quick sketch (below):

"imagine this but darker..."

The Waterloo Station Arches, are where the 'And Darkness Descended..." experience is hosted and  Playstation / Punchdrunk have done a great job in putting you actually into the prequel to the Resistance 3 game. 

Our plucky group's mission was to get a code to some US survivors - the rules were simple, if you get touched by an enemy - you're out of the game (which sounds fine until you see a friendly marine being dragged off into the darkness by one of the enemy creatures)... 

"Playing the game with a nice glass of red wine was for those who made it out..."

Things went a little nuts after we somehow managed to unlock an abandoned computer terminal and send our code message. We'd already 'lost' some of our group and so when a nearby door was broken open silhouetted in the red light was a freak-show alien - we few survivors ran for out lives - see below (where a helpful Sony PR guy took our photo):

"the men made it out - led by the fastest / most cowardly green cardigan man, the women... 

ah well, they're probably tastier for the aliens to snack on anyway!?"

If you're brave enough to want to try this experience, you can - find out if there are any placed left for Saturday 3rd and Sunday 4th September by emailing accesslive@scee.net stating your preferred date...

Times: 19.00-23.00 3rd and from 14.00-19.00 on Sunday 4th September 2011

Venue: Waterloo Station Arches, Leake Street, SE1 7NN 

18 years, ID may be required. Trainers or running shoes are highly recommended.

MORE INFO: 

www.facebook.com/playstationaccess

"They're everywhere - this pic taken on the Northern Line"

FULL DARKMATTERS REVIEW OF RESISTANCE 3 COMING SOON!

Darkmatters Review: Final Destination 5

Final Destination 5 (15)

Dir. Steven Quale

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“Y'all just be careful now.”

Death it seems is a sure fire crowd pleaser (as long as the crowd are horror fans) and so after ‘The Final Destination 3D’ hinted at an end to this accident-em-up franchise – the grim reaper is back for more.

You must know the drill by now. Take an assorted group of young people – including at least one babe, one good looking guy, one geek, one ethnic dude and one who’s such a dick that you really want them to die. It’s important that all of the characters be instantly forgettable too. Have the group escape death due to one of them having a premonition about the impending disaster, in this case an impressively rendered bridge collapse. Then spend the rest of the film killing off the group one by one in really gruesome ways – preferably that involve bits of their body flying out towards the audience to make the most of the 3D!

And that’s exactly what Final Destination 5 delivers…

Nicholas D'Agosto takes the lead role of Sam Lawton – a average chap who on the day that he cheats death by foreseeing the coming bridge collapse gets dumped by his hot girlfriend Molly (Emma ‘The Walking Dead’ Bell). Sam’s pal Peter (Miles Fisher) tries to console him but before you can say “you’re all doomed” the group are getting sliced diced and impaled in various nasty ways.

The Final Destination films are masters of taking things that people are often a bit scared of – flying, roller coasters, freeway accidents etc to which part 5 adds laser eye surgery and acupuncture and shows you exactly why you might be freaked our by them… The good news is that the scenes are filmed with a slickness and delight in wrong footing the audience that allows the gallows humour kick in to full effect.

If you’re at all squeamish then this really isn’t the film for you – the makers really push the boat out on some of the deaths, which include the most painful gymnastic dismount in cinematic history…

"stabbing is one of the less inventive exit scenarios"

The audience is actively encouraged to be voyeuristic gore hounds who applaud while being appalled at the crisp HD 3D squishing of eyeballs, bursting of entrails and splattering of bodies.

Of course death will come to us but in Final Destination 5 it comes with a vengeance! Whether you want to witness potential death at the cinema is up to you…

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öö1/2

(2.5 - been there, died that)...

Awesomeness ööö – sickos might find some here

Laughs öö – less fun than part 4

Horror ööö – some very grim scenes

Babes ööö – Emma Bell is hot

Spiritual Enlightenment öö - you can't cheat death...

"Emma Bell is lovely"

And Darkness Descended on PS3 - sign up for access!!

PlayStation 3 presents:

...and darkness descended

A Punchdrunk adventure inspired by Resistance® 3

Matt Adcock invites you to face your fears...

To celebrate the launch of the third in the Resistance franchise, PlayStation®3 has commissioned immersive theatre specialists, Punchdrunk, to create a unique survival experiment fusing theatre and gaming. The experience will be a UK first, combining inspiration from the US and Japanese traditions of Dark Rides/Walks of Terror. The activity will launch on the 31st August and this ticketed event opens to the public from 1st September to 4th September 2011 at Waterloo Station Arches in London.

Tickets are extremely limited.

The central theme of ‘...and darkness descended’ is that the longer you survive, the more you see. Set in an alternate London location that provides a prequel to the beginning of Resistance 3, participants will form part of the ‘resistance’ whose role it is to send a message to US survivors, who we subsequently meet in the beginning sequences of Resistance 3. Echoing the game's multi-player elements, participant groups will not be able to survive without working together to achieve goals.

Punchdrunk will use ideas and learnings from its previous work - It Felt Like a Kiss (2009) and The Crash of the Elysium (2011) – to create this unique, innovative project. The activity is a marriage of immersive game play with theatrical experience to explore the similarities and differences between the two entertainment genres - both brought together through the medium of fear and survival - a key creative theme within the game.

For a chance to take part in ‘...and darkness descended’ please register for Saturday 3rd and Sunday 4th September up until midday on 30th August by emailing accesslive@scee.net stating your preferred date...

Times: 19.00-23.00 3rd and from 14.00-19.00 on Sunday 4th September 2011

Venue: Waterloo Station Arches, Leake Street, SE1 7NN

Further Info: Participants and their guest must be 18 years or older – ID will be requested.
Trainers or running shoes are highly recommended.

Darkmatters Review: The Inbetweeners Movie

The Inbetweeners Movie (15)

Dir. Ben Palmer

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Right ‘bumders’ prepare yourself for the big screen exploits of some UK youths known as The Inbetweeners…

These aren’t rioting / looting chav scumbags either, these are just average young middle England chaps trying to make it through their teen years. Four friends obsessed with girls, trying to be cool, the hope of sex, having a laugh, dealing with embarrassing parents and exploring the finer points of self-pleasuring themselves.

For those who haven’t had the pleasure of meeting the Inbetweeners they are posh nerd Will Mackenzie (Simon Bird), nice but dim Neil Sutherland (Blake Harrison), sex mad wide boy Jay Cartwright (James Buckley) and your average lovelorn teen Simon Cooper (Joe Thomas). So the pals have survived school – the end of which is marked by a superb ‘leavers speech’ by Head of Sixthform Mr Gilbert (Greg Davies) where he tells the kids in no uncertain terms how little he hopes he’ll ever see them again. Be sure to look out for Gilbert again just as the end credits hit as he has a truly unforgettable final cameo!

"The boys soak up the rays - shame Will has a cock burnt onto his back!"

When Simon gets dumped by his girlfriend / love of his life Carli D'Amato (Emily Head) , the boys decide that only a sun and booze filled holiday in Greece will be only way to take his mind off it.

So the scene is set for a cringe-em-up horror story of cheap package holiday fun which sees the boys drinking copious amounts, getting ripped off, dancing very very badly and trying with various amounts of success to hit on females.

The writers (Damon Beesley and Iain Morris) bring some fantastic situations to the table, which put the characters through humiliation beyond the call of duty. Think The Office played entirely with work experience kids or maybe a British version of American Pie directed by Francis Ford Coppola and you’ll have some idea what to expect.

The Inbetweeners Movie works better than expected – delivering plenty of ‘wrong’ laugh out loud material, some of which will have you wincing at the screen. If you’re one of the Daily Mail reading reactionaries who knock The Inbetweeners for being overly crass, crude and juvenile then you really need to get over yourselves and realise that stupid and over the top as this might be – it’s probably the best insight into young male minds ever.

And as Jay says: “You better bring your wellies, because you'll be knee-deep in clunge.”

"The females on the town"

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öööö

(4 - every loser wins!?)...

Awesomeness öööö – you may never forget some scenes

Laughs öööö – yes you'll laugh (unless you're dead)

Horror ööö – snorting poo anyone?

Babes öööö – crumpet alert for the 'Pussay Patrol'

Spiritual Enlightenment öö - what happens on holiday, stays on holiday!?

"Laura Haddock - can Will really pull this?"

Darkmatters Review: Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (12)

Dir Rupert Wyatt

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Imagine a new gene therapy that enabled the brain to repair itself – it could be the cure for Alzheimer's, it could change everything…
Of course there will be some who’ll say that we shouldn’t test new drugs like this on animals but with the potential for such great medical progress – surely monitoring the effect it has on a few apes is a risk worth taking? What’s the worst that could happen?

Bio engineer Will Rodman (James ‘new Spiderman’ Franco) is the scientist who created the potential wonder drug ALZ-112. His first ape trial goes wrong but he takes Caesar the child of his brain boosted lab monkey home and raises him in his home. Caesar (played by an amazingly effective motion-captured Andy Serkis) is the most empathetic character in the film – so when he is put in a nasty ape sanctuary and abused it pulls at the heartstrings. In fact I was still rooting for him when he’d managed to assemble of like-minded apes and was battling the authorities.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes as the name suggests is the prequel to Planet of the Apes, not necessarily the Tim Burton effort either. Taking Franklin J. Schaffner's 1968 sci-fi classic as the starting point – director Rupert Wyatt ditches the original’s blatant racism metaphor and goes for a more action thriller build up. The cast which includes John Lithgow as Will’s Alzheimer's afflicted father do all they can but it is the monkey business that you’ll go home talking about.

It’s very well done too – the special effects are eye poppingly impressive and the action scenes rousing. The apes are going down well in the States where this has just become the fourth biggest August film opening ever.

"They may take our bananas - but they'll never take our FREEDOM!"

Rise of the Planet of the Apes is a great fun film – it delivers big time on entertainment and stands out amongst the glut of action flicks hitting this screen this summer by being the only one I really can’t wait to see follow made for.

Here we are then, human, top of the food chain (at least until the sequel) and what have we achieved? Well, on the strength of this - it looks like it might not be too long before the apes get their act together enough to make an exciting film about their own destruction and then pay money to watch it. But hey, until then let’s revel in the fact that we beat them to it!

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

öööö

(4 - quality monkey business that needs to be seen)...

Awesomeness öööö – very cool human / ape interaction

Laughs öö – not a laugh riot but a few funnies

Horror ööö – things get a bit hairy

Babes öö – average female mate possibilities

Spiritual Enlightenment ööö - maybe we should keep the intelligence to ourselves?

"Freida Pinto - scientifically approved great legs!"