Darkmatters
By Matt Adcock
Previous entry: Fear Of Death
FILM SCENE - IS THAT A VERY LARGE GUN IN YOUR POCKET?
The film titles are coming up – “VERY BAD MEN WITH SERIOUSLY BIG GUNS” - starring Hoick McFokuup (an up and coming actor of possible Irish decent)…
The opening scene is a winner; some rather obvious, but seriously tooled up heavies dressed in aesthetic armour under long black coats approach Hoick, who is distracted – openly gaping at the incredibly curvy bum of the woman in dangerously tight hot-pants making her way up the train station platform. Hoick or ‘Gort’ as his character name appears to be from the label on his one piece of gun-case-shaped hand luggage looks up and makes the heavies straight away. “It was something in their eyes” he will tell the woman later after having made vigorously passionate love to her, “and the nasty looking, sword shaped bulges in their coats…”
It happens fast, to the thundering beats of a new rock sensation - the first two heavies unsheathe and slash out with their sabres - one arcing high to split Gort’s head, the other sweeping low in order to run him though should he try to duck out from under the high blade. It all happens so incredibly fast that the filmmaker thoughtfully slips the scene into slow ‘bullet time’ motion. The Director obviously wants us to relish every second of this attack.
As the blades slice towards him from behind, Gort pulls two chunky hand guns from his belt - at the same time twisting into a graceful yet cool looking sideways roll which neatly avoids both the blade strikes.
Before the two assailants can even register that they have missed, Gort is pumping burning hollow point lead into their respective faces, blowing their heads completely off. You can almost read their collective final thoughts of anger and disappointment written in the heavy splatter of brains and blood they leave on the platform wall.
Back to real time, the woman (with the nice bum) is screaming and trying to crawl away from the violent deaths behind her as the main force of heavies begin to rake the platform with huge automatic guns. Without pausing, Gort pulls one of the headless initial assailants over him who begins to look disturbingly animated as he absorbs hundreds of rounds from the hard rain of bullets. The frantic amount of firepower being directed at Gort is more than some small country’s armies ever get to own. His return fire however is equally hard, and a lot more accurate, hitting at least three of the heavies with his first volley - the heavies die in showers of crimson special effects.
As the dying assailants drop to the ground Gort finds time to grab the hand of the crawling woman and pull her behind the shelter of a cleaner’s trolley- his initial body shield having been decimated. Gort leans around the trolley and puts down another selection of baddies who are firing indiscriminately at everything in his general direction. They die squealing most un-heroically.
Sensing the moment is right; the hero breaks for the exit with the woman in tow, managing to dodge all but one of the deluge of bullets that are Swiss cheesing the station. Gort takes out the legs of the front row of gunmen as he runs and reloads his weapons, as he is hit he grimaces manfully. The glancing wound actually looks good as it draws blood from his heavily muscled shoulder. Enraged by having to watch their target walk virtually unscathed through their best efforts the heavies rush forward only to see Gort’s wounded arm reappear from the exit and roll a high yield incendiary device towards them. The explosion is truly magnificent and levels the entire station, cremating the entire enemy team (and all of the innocent bystanders). The silhouette of Gort kissing the woman against the backdrop of the blast is enough to bring tears to the most ardent sceptic’s eyes.
“You’re really cool,” breathes the nameless but hot love interest, Gort just ushers her into his Ferrari BH Turbo Cruiser and roars away into the gathering dusk while the area becomes an emergency services car-park.
