Shoot 'Em Up - review

Shoot ‘Em Up (18)

Dir. Michael Davis

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Blam, blam, blam, blam, boogie, blam, blam…

There goes Matt walking into Cineworld, he seems to sense that something isn’t right, he turns and rolls to his left drawing two handguns and opening fire on the mass of onrushing Tom Wade-esq hoodlums who are firing returning fire wildly but going down screaming as Matt’s high impact rounds smash through their knees, thighs and groins… In seconds the foyer of the cinema is awash with dead and dying bad guys, Matt is up and running towards screen 11 (his favourite) where Shoot 'Em Up is playing. As he approaches the doors a busty babe (vaguely G. VMD alike) dressed in an all leather outfit bursts out of them holding a baby. Matt pushes her out of the way and blows another legion of pursuing bad guys away…
/ whoa - sorry about that, day dreaming again…

OK, basically Shoot 'Em Up is a non-stop excessive bloodbath presented in loud-and-proud Looney Tune ‘shoot-o-vision’!
It’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea – one reviewer whined “describing in the strongest possible terms how misogynistically offensive I found this 86 minutes of embarrassing hell” (link: http://gingerkidjoe.blogspot.com/2007/09/shoot-em-up-or-shoot-me-down-please.html) but me? I’m a just sucker for gun play in movies and I enjoyed Shoot ‘Em Up more than probably most others…

Yes it’s all morally reprehensible and on no instance should anything in the film be replicated in real life, but for a maximally violent escapist waste of time, there’s little around that can touch it!!
“I'm a British nanny and I'm dangerous” smirks Mr. Smith (an on form Clive Owen who is obviously finding the whole thing an absolute blast) he’s teamed up with hooker called DQ (Donna Quintano) played by the eye wateringly gorgeous but seriously actingly challenged Monica ‘The Matrix 2&3 Bellucci. The film revolved around them trying to protect a baby from uber nasty hitman Mr. Hertz (Paul ‘Sideways’ Giamatti) who get’s to spew lines like “You wascally wabbit” when he spots Mr Smith munching a carrot and dropping Bugs Bunny dialogue.

Stand out scenes include a skydiving battle royale and the highest bodycount sex scene ever; "Talk about shooting your load," says Smith after the deed leaves a host of baddie henchmen full of lead.
There is a gleeful noirness to the wannabe John Woo action and set pieces that you’ll never forget such as when Smith hits a van full of baddies head on, goes through the windscreen, landing in their van and shoots them all at close quarters “So much for seatbelts” he says coolly.

Out of 5 you have to go with a bullet to the frontal lobe 4 (Disengage your brain for maximum enjoyment!!)...

Darkmatters ratings:
Action ööööö – memorable!
Laughs ööö – what’s up doc?
Horror ööö – body parts akimbo
Babes öööö – Bellucci is gorgeous

Overall öööö (shoot first, ask questions about the morality and taste later)


"you lookin at me?"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Death Proof - review

Death Proof (18)

Dir. Quentin Tarantino

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“Ladies we're gonna have some fun…” the name’s Mike, Stuntman Mike and I’m death proof (at least when in my mean modified Dodge Charger). The bad news is that my definition of ‘fun’ is crashing you off the road – safe in the knowledge that whereas I’ll likely walk away with minor injuries – you’ll be splattered liberally across the highway…
I’m really just your average guy – the type of grizzled loner that you might bump into in any given bar. I do like foxy women though, they gotta have some curves, gotta be sassy and ready to party. I met this one group last night who I overhead saying that they were looking for a “Kinda cute, kinda hot, kinda sexy, hysterically funny, but not funny-looking guy who they could get with” – well they certainly found me, and last I heard they were still being scrapped off the tarmac.
No, I admit, it’s not very sociable for me to go around ram raiding nubile beauties and turning them into steaming road kill but I just can’t seem to help myself. Of course I blame the script writers – and you may well too if you venture to see Death Proof because whilst I’m lined up to be an iconic antihero with a literally ‘killer’ line in cars, I’m also criminally underused (think Darth Maul from Star Wars Episode I).
This is the first of Tarantino’s five movies I’ve left feeling a bit under whelmed rather than having had my senses scorched with a zeitgeist burning overdose of cool. But it’s hard to put my finger on exactly why that is. Maybe it’s due to a criminal dearth of action? The UK version of Death Proof might not come as part of the originally envisioned ‘Grindhouse’ double bill as it did in the States but it is boosted with an additional 25mins of fairly inane dialogue. What it could have done with however is an extra 25 mins of tasty action because I’ve yet to meet an action / horror movie fan who’d rather watch two dimensional characters witter on unconvincingly rather than getting stuck in to some serious danger. Oh and the cinema owner where I saw this asked that I point out to potential viewers that the scratches, jumps in film and general fuzziness are all intentional – to help capture that original grindhouse B movie feel, seems some people didn’t quite understand though and have been complaining!?
But to sum up, Death Proof basically goes ‘Vroom, vroom, screech… splat, blah, blah, blah, blah zzzzzz.’
Shame.

Out of 5 you have to go with a weaker than hoped 2.5 (too much blah, not enough splat)...

Darkmatters ratings:
Action ööö – good but not enough
Laughs öö – couple of wry giggles
Horror ööö – splatter elements were good
Babes öööö – do the words 'smokin hot' mean anything to you?

Overall öö1/2 (could have been so much more)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Superbad - review

Superbad (15)

Dir. Greg Mottola

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Wassup people, step right up for the teen comedy of the year – it’s rude, it’s juvenile and it doesn’t flinch from diving inside horny young men’s minds and spraying what it finds all over the screen… But then that’s what you get with a script written when the makers were still teenagers themselves. Superbad is a full frontal expose of the hopes (mostly involving foxy females), fears (mostly of not fitting in or not getting any action) and need for camaraderie (the essential hanging out with pals) that boys of a certain age have.

Hats off to director Greg Mottola because although this won’t appeal to everyone, Superbad is special in that despite its sex obsession a la Porky’s or American Pie – it also manages to be sweet natured at heart. Some of the credit must go to producer Judd Apatow who’s other films include The 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up, as these are very much kindred genre-mates.
Superbad is the nerdalicious tale of three pals as they face their high school graduation with a sense of trepidation at their lack of prowess with the fairer sex. Virgins to a man, they hatch a plan – in the best tradition of teen movies – to get laid before they face the world of college.

First there’s slightly tubby Seth (a cracking turn from Jonah Hill) and his best friend Evan (a nicely understated Michael Cera) who form the backbone of the story. But the third part of this infantile trinity is uber dork Fogell (a movie-stealing Christopher Mintz-Plasse) who creates possibly the best on screen nerd hero ever.

Stir into the mix two hilarious slacker cops (Seth Rogen and Bill Hader) who come into the plot via Fogell’s mission to try and buy booze for a graduation party using his running gag fake I.D. named just "McLovin". Everything is set for a night of high mischief as the boys find themselves out of their depth, desperately trying to woo the objects of their desire – a concept which may or may not resonate with you depending on how you spent your teenage years…

Is Superbad for you? Just ask yourself if you want to witness on duty police officers putting on Star Wars voices, friends partying, falling out, making up and maybe finding out a little what matters in life…

Out of 5 you have to go with a lots of fun 4 (how bad you want it?)...

Darkmatters ratings:

Action ööö – snogging n fumbling
Laughs ööööö – you'll laugh loud and long!
Horror ööö – tampons aren't optional!
Babes öööö – young but hot!

Overall öööö (It’s loud, lewd super-good fun!)


"McLovin almost getting to live up to his name"

If you liked this you might like: http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2007/08/knocked-up-review.html

Darkmatters: H O M E

Atonement - review

Atonement (15)

Dir. Joe Wright

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Remember when you were young, when you thought that you knew it all… but actually hadn’t a clue? Sometimes a lack of life experience can lead one to make wild jumps to very wrong conclusions… with serious consequences.
This is the core dynamic of Atonement, a tale of heavyweight heartbreak and life long repercussions stemming from the misled mind of 13 year-old Briony (Saoirse Ronan). It is her actions as a child that tear apart the blossoming relationship between her older sister Cecilia (Keira Knightley) and Robbie (James McAvoy) and lead to a lifetime of regret as she tries to atone for what she has done.
Atonement is based on the book by Ian McEwan which director Joe ‘Pride and Prejudice’ Wright has brought vividly to the screen. The cinematography is just stunning, with scene after scene vying to burn itself into your memory – be it the lavish English country house or the haunting battle ravished beaches of France.
From the moment it all begins, there is a fantastic balance between the seemingly idyllic upper class sanctuary of Cecilla’s family home and a growing sense of unease, which is built up both by the threat of the coming war and the obvious sexual tension swirling amongst the assembled characters.
Everything explodes on one fateful night; an initially comic-seeming wrong note being delivered scene, by young Briony (who reads it and later acts on the fanciful ideas it has generated in her mind), leads to a miscarriage of justice that cannot be undone.
The cast are universally superb and Knightley gives her best performance to date as the stunning Cecilla, whose breathtaking emergence from a fountain at one point is quite possibly the scene of the year for males the world over… McAvoy is excellent too - both as handsome love stuck housekeeper’s son, then as the battle beaten everyman soldier trying against the odds to return to his love through the hell of the Dunkirk retreat. The lingering tracking shot across the beaches at Dunkirk to the strains of ‘Dear Lord and Father of Mankind’ is as vivid a portrait of hell as you’ll ever need and must have taken an astonishing amount of coordination. The words of the much loved hymn resonate through the films plot:
‘Breathe through the heats of our desire, thy coolness and thy balm; let sense be dumb, let flesh retire’… By the end of the film you’ll have the sense that some wrongs simply cannot be adequately atoned for in this life.
Atonement is a devastating, heartbreaking, absolute modern classic – highly recommended viewing.

Out of 5 you have to go with a classic 5 (vey cool, very well made - and Keira!!)...

Darkmatters ratings:

Action ööö – enough and well paced
Laughs öö – one very funny scene!
Horror ööö – some grim war stuff
Babes ööööö – Knightley is unbelievably sexy (see below)

Overall ööööö (one of this year's highlights!)


"here are six great reasons to see this film!!"

Darkmatters: H O M E

The God Delusion - review / response

Star Wars VII - No real hope featuring 'Darth inSidious'...

The God Delusion

By Richard Dawkins

Review / response by Matt Adcock


“Science flings open the narrow window which we are accustomed to viewing the spectrum of possibilities…”
Richard Dawkins

Unfortunately, it seems that the existence of God is one possibility that is just a step too far to make it onto this wonderful ‘spectrum of possibilities’. I must declare an interest here – whilst I’m a born again Christian, I enjoy listening to and thinking about other people’s views, thinking and beliefs (some of my best friends are devout atheists – doesn’t mean I don’t respect and love em…). But according to Dawkins, apparently I’m deluded and my personal faith is nothing but wishful thinking – obviously that’s just his opinion but in The God Delusion you can read his arguments as to why he thinks it's like that…

Dawkins wants to make it absolutely clear that there can be no rational, conceivable way for any non intellectually challenged, brain washed or conditioned individual to justify actually believing in God. It is his stated intention that he hopes ‘religious readers who open it (The God Delusion) will be atheists when they put it down’- which is at least a candid admission of his evangelizing mission on behalf of atheism.

In case he ever reads this I have to quickly say “sorry my angry friend but while I found your book an interesting rant against the worst excesses of religion (which I would happily join in with) - there is nothing here to make me want to consider giving up my faith”.

And ‘rant’ is an apt word; I’d love to have a good conversation with Dawkins over a lunch or something one day but maybe with the proviso that it be only after he’s been to see a good anger management therapist… You can almost see Dawkins’ red faced vitriolic statements steaming off pretty much any chosen page of The God Delusion, come on man, let’s chill a little, it might add some readability to the clunky angry prose.

At several points I was moved to make small annotations in my copy of The God Delusion – much along the lines of Dawkins himself who scribbled ‘teapot’ on ‘page after page’ of Alister McGRawth’s book entitled Dawkins’ God: Genes, Memes and the Origin of Life, in reference to the ‘celestial teapot whose existence cannot be disproved’… My small annotations weren’t teapots, mine were tiny phalluses which indicate wherever I though Dawkins was ‘being a bit of a knob’…

E.g. many times Dawkins puts hypothetical words into the mouths of hypothetical theists etc – but surely that only proves what a great imagination he has, you can’t expect to use that device to sway a supposedly scientific argument – can you?

An imaginary atheistic thinker might say:

“An otherworldly pall lies over the horizon; surely it is our human struggle to press ever on towards this desolate place where we will find that our significance in the cosmos has turned our minds to bramble jelly… From there we can only resign ourselves to being beings of inordinate minutiae… sweet, delicious and lovely on toast or crumpets but minutiae all the same…”

But then again, he might not, and even if he did – it’s only because I made him and his words up!?
That’s heavyweight argument that for sure…

One thing I also found a bit weak was where Dawkins backs out of any 'is there a God?' argument using his ‘Creative intelligences, being evolved, necessarily arrive late in the universe, and therefore cannot be responsible for designing it’ line. To me that just indicates a complete inability to comprehend the supposed nature of God, who by default, if He did exist would be outside of His ‘created’ universal laws… i.e. He might have created everything that we can detect with our God given intellects (refined by natural selection if you like that theory – why not?) but that doesn’t limit Him to having to only operate in or obey the scientific laws which He created.

You simply cannot have such a being confined by the same scientific rules that we the ‘created’ are – it would be like a hypothetical (to use Dawkins’ way of presenting ideas) sentient artificial intelligence in a PlayStation 3 game pondering how the ‘creators’ of the game could possibly not be made up of the same ‘game code’ that they are made from and limited by the rules of (thus whilst the creator is able to exist outside of the entire ‘game universe’, the denizens of the game universe cannot understand how the creator is able to ‘break the rules by which they are designed to operate within’).

Then there’s what my wife pointed out as Dawkins’ ‘shuffling of feet and hedging of bets’ with his chapter entitled – 'why there almost certainly is no God', come on man, if you’re so sure that you’ve called your latest book ‘The God Delusion’ you might as well follow through on your convictions and say ‘why there is certainly no God’ – or are you keeping just the tiniest get out clause for yourself should He one day turn up and confront you about all this nay saying business?

I’m just playing of course but more than that – hopefully I’m ‘consciousness raising’ about the fact that this is one seriously annoyed atheist… Consciousness raising is something Dawkins goes on and on about in most disgusted terms when talking about children being called by their religious backgrounds… Still, that's his thing I guess.

Overall The God Delusion is of interest only really to those looking for a one sided ‘anti God’ reference tome but the ‘selectedness’ of the material presented – especially the edited bits of the bible that Dawkins refers to is grating after a while… Kind of like only being able to hear one side of a conversation.

Out of 5 you have to go with an overall Darkmatters rating of öö1/2 (was hoping for more balance - and less anger!!)

Darkmatters: H O M E

1408 - review

1408 (15)

Dir. Mikael Håfström

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Hotels are naturally creepy places... Just think, how many people have slept in that bed before you? How many of them were sick? How many... died?
Here we are again then; in another haunted hotel dreamt up by Stephen King and it’s in room 1408 that jaded ghost disproving writer Mike Enslin (John Cusack) is in for a truly hellish night… You however have choice as to whether or not you join him in this slick but slightly disappointing wannabe mind-bending horror effort.
For those seeking a full on, freak out terror fest, you might well find 1408 is more of a Travel Lodge experience to The Shining’s five star Ritz – adequate but nothing you’re going to remember very fondly. After an impressive build up thanks in no small part to Samuel L. Jackson as Gerald Olin who has the dubious pleasure of being manager of The Dolphin Hotel, the action homes in on the room of the title. And the freakiness kicks off in promising style (at least judging by the traumatised look on my mate Matt Landsman’s face - his review is below for your reading pleasure) with one of the most unnerving jump scenes to hit the screen this year clue: look out - she’s behind you…
But it’s mostly down hill from then on as the frights get exponentially fewer and less effective as the film focuses on Enslin’s emotional torment depicted through some scattershot and over the top special effect set pieces. Cue various run ins with the spectres of previous victims of room 1408 (56 people died there seeing as you asked) and then an ill advised sentimental reunion with his dead daughter that heightens the schmaltz to an uncomfortable level. It seems that the short story this is based on didn’t stretch to the hour and a half running time without some obvious padding and treading water.
Mikael ‘Derailed’ Håfström is however a competent director and had a decent budget to play with, which only makes it all the more of a shame that the end product leaves you feeling a bit ‘meh’ rather than ‘ooh I’m freaked out’…
You don’t need to be a maths genius to notice that the digits in 1408 add up to 13.This could either be construed as a spooky sign of where to find some horrible fun to witness or perhaps more aptly in this case just ‘unlucky for some’…

Out of 5 you have to go with an averagely shocking 2.5 (redrum redrum redrum)...

Darkmatters ratings:
Action ööö – freaky bedroom action ahoy!
Laughs öö – couple of wry laughs
Horror öööö – one great shock doesn't make a great film
Babes ö – the dead aren't sexy

Overall öö1/2 (scary -ish but not enough)

second opinion:

1408 (15)
Dir. Mikael Hafstrom
Reviewed by Matt Landsman

Adapted from a Stephen King short story and directed Swedish Mikael Hafstrom (probably best known for Oscar-nominated "Evil" (2003) and "Derailed"
(2005)) this film was said to be the return to a more traditional suspense filled horror after the recent descent into the so-called "torture porn" such as "Hostel: Part II" and like minded films that are cutting a bloody path through the horror genre.

Mike Enslin (John Cusack) is a writer specialising in books about haunted places and paranormal phenomenon who has a sceptical view of the afterlife following the untimely death of his daughter Katie. The death leads to him abruptly abandoning his wife (Mary McCormack) and moving from New York to Los Angeles where he tries to put his life back together and finish writing "Ten Haunted Hotel Rooms". It isn't until he receives a postcard addressed from the Dolphin Hotel in Manhattan with the simple message "Don't Enter 1408" that Mike decides to return to New York and see what Room 1408 of the Dolphin Hotel has to offer.

After ringing the hotel, Mike is informed by Dolphin manager Mr. Olin (Samuel L. Jackson) that the room is "not available". Not next week. Not next month. Not ever. Mike is convinced this room is the basis of the final chapter of his book and only the threat of a lawsuit manages to persuade the hotel to agree to his stay. On arrival, Mr Olin informs Mike that 56 deaths have occurred in the hotel's 95 year history - all in room 1408, and all those that check in are soon to check out via rope, razor blade, window, or the occasional heart attack and stroke, always within an hour. The official conclusion according to the hotel manager is "It's an evil f---ing room."

What follows is a film that fails to deliver in quite a few areas. The premise of the film is intriguing and the acting is strong and convincing with Cusack carrying the film in what is virtually a one man show. The psychological horror that writers Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski were aiming for was uninspiring and obvious, from the unplugged radio that constantly played "We've Only Just Begun" by The Carpenters, to Enslin's emotions towards his daughter which are played on too frequently throughout the film and only further waters down the effect of fear that the writers struggled to produce by softening up the situation instead of invoking the terror and distress that this film needed more of. But then again, what more could you have expected from the duo that wrote "Agent Cody (Malcolm in the
Middle) Banks"?

American writers often fail when it comes to the Japanese-esque psychological horror (see: US and Japanese versions of The Ring Two) and the temptation that Alexander and Karaszewski fell into was teasing the prospect of American hack-and-slash in a probable attempt to please US viewers, but never delivering the goods in order to keep this suspense-based. Unfortunately, having a foot in both camps weakened the effect of either method of building tension and furthering the plot as the film seemed to lose it's focus. At times it is difficult to know if Enslin is supposed to be battling against some unseen evil or his own emotional instability caused by the death of his daughter and breakdown of his marriage.

1408 is worth watching if you like a good horror film but don't expect to be blown away by this one. For an altogether better mix of Stephen King and hotel-based horror you're better off sticking with The Shining, which this film doesn't even get close to.

Darkmatters: H O M E

Knocked Up - review

Knocked Up (15)

Dir. Judd Apatow

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Hi my name’s Ben, I’m a chubby slacker with no prospects but I’m out for the night and through drink haze I meet you – a stunning blonde out celebrating your job promotion in a funky club… I really like you, there’s definite chemistry so perhaps we can see a bit more of each other? Who knows, one thing might lead to another and before anyone can say ‘be sure to take precautions’, we could be up to our eyeballs in nappies and baby grows… It does…
That sound funny to you?
It certainly is in Knocked Up, the irresponsible but consistently hilarious new comedy from the makers of The 40 Year Old Virgin. Somehow this manages to be full of laugh out loud situations and pack a sparkling comic script that mixes lewd stoner ‘blokes’ comedy with wry relationship observations. In fact Knocked Up is a surprisingly shrewd lifestyle commentary for our times, which encompasses the reality of responsibility, the nature of love and many of the heartfelt emotions that go with parenthood preparation.
So the question is: can life-long loser slob Ben (Seth Rogen) get his act together enough to be a suitable father for career minded babe Alison (Katherine Heigl) or are they doomed not to make it?
Many amusing trials stand between these two strange bedfellows living happily ever after - with their new soon to be offspring. Firstly there’s the small matter of Ben’s slacktastic housemates with who he is trying to set up a ‘celebrity nude scene’ website. These guys exist in a perpetual ‘frat house’ puerile atmosphere where smoking weed is considered a high art form and females are mostly only creatures seen in movies. Then there’s Alison’s sister Debbie (Leslie Mann) whose marriage to wisecracking Pete (Paul Rudd) is not really an advertisement for blissful family life. If you go to see this with a date, there’ll certainly be plenty to discuss on the way home.
What’s great is that Knocked Up doesn’t fall into the problem faced by many comedies where they take a funny set up and then by halfway through forget to keep delivering the laughs. It’s rude and juvenile to the end (which didn’t go down well with my wife) but I admired the conviction of the filmmakers in sticking to their guns.
And if Knocked Up sounds like your cup of tea, look out for Superbad in a few weeks which cold be this year’s American Pie style teen comedy – the bad taste laughs keep coming!

Out of 5 you have to go with a really funny 4 (safe sex is important but not as funny)...

Darkmatters ratings:

Action ööö – bedroom action ahoy!
Laughs ööööö – Ho ho and indeed ho Mother f****r
Horror öö – you might want to look away if squeamish during the graphic birth scene!
Babes öööö – Heirl is delicious!! (see below)

Overall öööö (very good!!)



"oooh, you would..."

Darkmatters: H O M E

Shoot 'Em Up...

"new contender for 'Matt's film of the year!'

Here's what Variety said about it:

"Director Michael Davis makes the transition from straight-to-DVD stinkers to the bigscreen in conspicuous fashion, with an action movie that is violent and vile in equal measure. When hitman Paul Giamatti is dispatched to assassinate a pregnant woman, not-so-innocent bystander Clive Owen intervenes on the baby's behalf, unleashing a firefight of epic proportions. Good taste is the first fatality in this gonzo thrill-seeker, sure to offend mainstream dispositions, yet too stylistically audacious to dismiss outright."

- check the trailer here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4t-tT2rBFoU

Am very very excited about this one...

The Bourne Ultimatum - review

The Bourne Ultimatum (12a)

Dir. Paul Greengrass

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@Cleric20)

Will you commit to this program? You will no longer be the person you are now, your memory will be wiped and everything you know will change including your name.

You’re life will be spent executing targets with cold, calm, ruthless precision – never asking ‘why’?
On the plus side you’ll become an unstoppable fighting machine who can dispatch assassins, security forces and thugs with your bare hands.

Driving will take on a new level of danger as every time you get into a vehicle you will find that there are armed people chasing you, smashing into you and generally trying to end your life… This is the world of Jason Bourne and it’s high time you gave it another visit.

Matt Damon steps up again for this third slice of Bourne ‘one man extermination machine with a grudge against those who created him’ action and boy does it deliver on the action goods. If you’re in the mood for some heart pounding, no holds barred, sweaty palmed espionage excitement – accept no substitute. Paul Greengrass directs with gritty flair, much as he did with The Bourne Supremacy - the crunching action flashes across the globe taking in Tangiers, Madrid, Paris London and New York.

The many and varied fights are really quite satisfyingly brutal, surely pushing the limit for a 12 rated film, Bourne is one guy you really don’t want to get into fisticuffs with. Damon knows exactly what is required in his role because in Bourne he has helped create a powerful and more believable cinematic super spy alternative to Bond.

This time it’s David Strathairn who is the shady CIA mastermind with lots to hide who is on Bourne’s hit list, but he’s balanced by Joan Allen’s ‘nicer’ CIA section chief and a great supporting cast that includes Paddy ‘Hot Fuzz’ Considine as a beleaguered Guardian journalist. Add to this a succession of violence prone CIA black operations ‘assets’ who we are led to believe are lounging around in hotels the world over just waiting for the order to go out and exterminate someone (mostly Bourne actually)…

"Bourne's farts cause havoc"

For me The Bourne Ultimatum is the best of this summer’s action movies, delivering effective non-stop tension-inducing thrills and managing to wrap up refreshingly in less than two hours.

My advice is to commit to this programme as soon as you can...

Out of 5 you have to go with a bone crunching:

5 (Bourne to be wild)...

Darkmatters ratings:

Action ööööö – so much and so good!

Laughs ö – not really a laugh a-thon
Horror ööö – brutal beatings ahoy
Babes öö – Julia Stiles is cute

Overall ööööö (loved it)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Rush Hour 3 - review

Rush Hour 3 (12a)

Dir. Brett Ratner

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

It’s certainly been quite the year of the ‘threequel’ and up until now they’ve been a mixed bag but generally at least averagely amusing, entertaining and / or even impressive in places but I guess it couldn’t last… See, however much you might not have loved this Summer’s 3rd entry block busters – get ready to experience a new vapid low in entertainment values… Welcome to Rush Hour 3.
Yes, watching the third Rush Hour film is like being punched repeatedly in the face by a gibbering idiot (otherwise known as the director Brett Ratner to be precise). There is nothing new here, and what there is was done better in the previous two outings. Chris Tucker does his offensive motor-mouth jive again, Jackie Chan mugs up as the oriental, butt kicking, culturally inept detective again and erm, that’s it really.
You know that there’s little hope of decent entertainment when in just about every scene you think to yourself ‘ah – this is like *name other movie here* only not quite as good’… In fact the only memorable fresh bit I can recall was when the two heroes use a nun to translate their attempted interrogation of a French speaking suspect, but the interview degenerates into them having her straight faced relay various threats and swear words… It’s the audience that they end up torturing…
The Oscar for ‘Best supporting actor in a completely rubbish movie’ would go to Yvan Attal, who is a French cab driver who hates Americans because of their international warmongering but who undergoes a Damascus Road conversion thanks to our two bumbling heroes so he ends up buying into the shoot first rhetoric of most U.S. action films.
Speaking of the so called ‘action’ on offer here – it is weak and utterly unexciting, if you look in the dictionary under ‘lack lustre’ you might well find a reference to the many dull fight scenes in Rush Hour 3. So if the action sucks, surely the comedy will save this purported ‘action comedy’ then?
Alas not – this writers of this tripe should hang their heads in shame at the lazy jokes and contrived supposedly funny situations that they have regurgitated. I think perhaps there is a metaphor for the whole movie in the scene where Tucker and Chan slide into a foul reeking open sewer which taints them both – that certainly could be where their careers are heading if they appear in any more rubbish like this!

Out of 5 you have to go with a piss poor 1 (you'll feel 'mugged' if you pay to see this)...

Darkmatters ratings:
Action öö – what passes for action here...
Laughs öö – very poor effort
Horror öö – I did get a bit worried that Chan might hurt himself at his age...
Babes ööö – some but not enough to improve the film overall

Overall ö (won't ever want to see this again!)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Evan Almighty - review

Evan Almighty (PG)

Dir. Tom Shadyac

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience? Or will He maybe give them the opportunity to be patient?
If courage is prayed for, does God give you courage, or does He give you opportunities to be courageous? And if someone prays for their family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does He give them more opportunities to love each other?
These are the theological idioms spouted by God (Morgan Freeman) in Evan Almighty – a quirky, gentle but not altogether successful follow up to 2003’s Bruce Almighty.
This time there’s no Jim Carrey so director Tom Shadyac has picked Steve ’40 Year Old Virgin’ Carell (who played the Carrey’s newsreader nemesis in the first film) to be the mortal whose life God decides to step into in a supposedly comical way. Alas Evan Almighty fails to raise many quality laughs relying on animals pooping jokes and unsightly facial hair of biblical proportions… However, once you get past the fact that you’re unlikely to be splitting you sides, the central premise of a modern day U.S. Noah's Ark story turns out to be a not altogether unenjoyable family friendly experience.
Evan you see is a man going places having just become a Congressman and he is all set for a successful career in politics, But when he is visited by God and asked to build an ark in order to survive a soon to occur flood (which is almost believably given the British summer weather this year) he’s not sure how he’s going to make it happen. Life gets complicated further when pairs of animals of every kind begin turning up unannounced and following Evan around. It doesn’t take long for Evan to be branded a ‘weirdo’ and his ark building project to make the TV news – seems today’s people are no more receptive to the pleas of a doom mongering prophet than they were in Old Testament. The climactic special effects however which sees the ark finally getting put through its’ paces are quite something to behold.
If you’re looking for comedy, Evan Almighty doesn’t really warrant missing out on the Simpson’s high jinks but if you’re seeking a summer holiday parable, which might make you pause and consider life, Evan’s your man.

Out of 5 you have to go with a hairy biblical 3 (nice but not that funny!)...

Darkmatters ratings:
Action ööö – the flood is class
Laughs öö – some but not enough to make it a 'comedy'
Horror ö – add some stars if you fear beards
Babes ö – nope

Overall ööö (God is giving you the opportunity to wait for this on DVD)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Here be very tasty dragons... Lair PS3

Just...

look...

at these screens...

I'm a bit excited about LAIR!!

The Simpsons Movie - competition

The movie is out and causing mass global hilarity check review here: http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2007/07/simpsons-movie-review.html

- so how would you like to bag some exclusive Simpsons Movie merchandise (which you can't buy in the shops)?

Enter the Darkmatter Simpsons Movie competition:


In the movie Homer gets a beloved pet pig and turns him into pet superhero 'Spider Pig' (he does whatever a spider pig does)...

To win some stuff - tell me another cool Simpsons pet superhero that Fox might want to consider for a sequel

e.g. Blinky the three eyed mutant super fish...


Email to: superpets@simpsons-fan.co.uk

Editors decision is final, the funnier / cooler the superpet, the better the prize!

(Prizes include Simpsons watches, lunchboxes, squirt games, kids T shirts and straws... UK residents only amigos)

The Simpsons Movie - review

The Simpsons Movie (PG)

Dir. David Silverman

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

It’s been a long time coming and anticipation is high for the big screen debut of Springfield’s finest yellow family…The writers have had years in which to distil the very essence of all things Simpson, polish up their best jokes and whip up a scenario which will take us into unexplored territory – beyond the 30 min TV show timeframe…
Blasting off with possibly the best Itchy and Scratchy episode ever, The Simpsons Movie hits the ground running at a breathless pace. Quality laugh out loud jokes come thick and fast – it’s great stuff and you won’t want to blink for missing a visual gag or reference. The first half an hour is without doubt the best Simpsons antics I’ve witnessed.
There’s no shortage of drama either as President Arnold Schwarzenegger authorises unthinkable action to be taken against the residents of Springfield – thanks to the selfish stupidity of just one man… I won’t spoil the plot for you as there is precious little of it, this is really Homer’s odyssey. Witnessing the trials and tribulations of the bald yellow one, which sees the fabric of the Simpsons family stretched to breaking point is something quite wonderful. The longer running time however does mean that the joke ratio seriously drops off in the second half but if you’ve ever had love for the citizens of Springfield, you’ll still savour each moment.
The iconic artwork and characters look great on the big screen. Animation wise it mostly keeps the TV show’s 2D style but mixes in some impressive 3D computer generated scenes that make for real cinematic spectacle.
You’ll certainly see things that would never have made it into the television version - that’s what makes this a gold plated ‘must see’ movie and easily the funniest film of the year so far!
Most characters get a brief moment of focus, but it this is at heart the story of father / son bonding set against an apocalyptic vision peppered with cameos and even a new scene stealing superhero… Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it’s um, ‘Spider-Pig’!!
Yes, altogether now: ‘Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig - does whatever a Spider-Pig does. Can he swing, from a web? No he can't, he’s just pig - look out! He’s the Spider-Pig!’
Run, don’t walk to check out this pure yellow class A entertainment – D’oh-nt miss it!!

Out of 5 you have to go with a quality 4.5 (see it, love it, see it again)...

Darkmatters ratings:

Action ööö – plenty of zany stuff
Laughs ööööö – classy and very funny jokes here
Horror ö – mild tension?
Babes öö – equal opps for yellow babes!?

Overall öööö1/2 (necessary entertainment!!)


"the mob closed in on Nikolai and his less positive review (http://bina007.blogspot.com/2007/07/simpsons-movie.html)"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Firehouse Dog - review

Firehouse Dog (PG)

Dir. Todd Holland

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Advice to follow on discovering that Firehouse Dog is on at a cinema near you:

1.Raise the alarm by locating the nearest 10 year old and shouting ‘FIREHOUSE DOG’ at them…

2. Call the cinema and find out the show times, this will let them know that you are on the case.

3. Do not take any personal risk. You may attempt to extinguish the will to go and see this film by using suitable distraction equipment (PlayStation 3’s are particularly good because it has wireless controllers and will not present a trip hazard for your escape route – should you find yourself irresistibly drawn to the cinema).

4.If you do find yourself witnessing Firehouse Dog, leave the cinema after the showing in the proper evacuation procedure…

Yes, Firehouse Dog is exactly what you’d expect – a family friendly ‘cute dog helps kid with issues’ schmaltz fest which is sure to ring the bells of dog and Firemen lovers everywhere.
So it must suck then yes?
Well, I really thought it was going to when I agreed to take my 10-year-old son to see this, but now I have to report to you that Firehouse Dog isn’t actually that bad. No, it isn’t going to win any Oscars or make anyone’s ‘top 10 films of the year list’, what it does though is deliver mildly amusing and generally positive entertainment.

Lonely and disenchanted young Shane (Josh Hutcherson) finds Rexxx – a loveable Irish terrier who he thinks is a run of the mill lost dog but who is a hotshot doggie film star / stunt dog. You might have seen him in The Fast And The Furriest and Jurassic Bark!? Anyway, Shane’s dad (a decent turn from Bruce ‘Déjà vu’ Greenwood) is a down on his luck Fire Chief who leads a gutsy but useless team of firemen known as Doghouse… You probably won’t be surprised to know that Rexxx is soon adopted as the new Doghouse mascot but can he really help Shane save the city against a rampant arsonist too?

Firehouse Dog is a fair enough child-pleasing flick, hard to fully recommend but equally hard to dislike too much either, packed as it is with plenty of preteen angst and some genuinely funny / action moments. However I’d only urge you seek this if you’re physically adverse to transforming robots or The Simpson’s, both of which are hitting the big screens in the UK this week!?

Out of 5 you have to go with an OK 2.5 (watchable if you've nothing better to do)...

Darkmatters ratings:
Action öö – some fire stuff
Laughs ööö – slapstick and fart jokes
Horror öö – a little tension or peril
Babes ö – Nothing much here

Overall öö1/2 (woof...)

Die Hard 4.0 Competition Winners...

'Pick your favourite from the prizewinning entries below...'

My favourite:

‘Yipee-ford-KA’
Mr C. Unwin

Most 'wrong':

'What would Princess Di do in this situation?'
Miss R. McKeown


The other winners:

'Keep your head down, it's another woman driver'
Mr D. Painting


‘I know I parked it around here somewhere’
Mr D. Lane


‘the borrowers took a wrong turn on the way home’
Miss N. Kemp


‘I said take the flyover not….oh, shi…’
Mr D. Golding

‘Brucey plays keepy-uppy with a car’
Mr J. Richardson


'Look like the car is needs a new catalytic converter'
Mr D. Hopal

God: 'And this is for the whole ten yards...'
Mr T. Wade


'Michael Bay sends one of his transformers to see off his summer blockbuster competition'
Mr S. Wade


‘When John McClane was born the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap John McClane’
Ms M Bina


“You can have a play with my gun in a minute, but right now I think we need to get out of the way of that yellow speeding car!”
Mr S. Middleditch


‘No, get up, let's keep waltzing!’
Mr R. Brunton


‘One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb WHOAAH nevermind!’
Mr M. Brooks

Read my review of Die Hard 4.0 here:
http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2007/07/die-hard-40-review.html

Darkmatters: H O M E

Transformers - review

Transformers (12a)

Dir. Michael Bay

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

The summer ramps up for some serious heavy metal action – as the human race finds itself at war against a technological civilization far superior to our own… The enemy can take any shape, they could be anywhere but if you want a clue I’d take a long hard look at any passing cars, jets or utility vehicles…
Michael ‘Bad Boys’ Bay pulls out all the stops to bring the much-loved robotic action figures to living, breathing, butt-kicking glory and he does it with unrestrained aplomb. Aided and abetted by an army of special effects technicians from ILM (alas not the Institute of Leadership & Management that I work for but uber CGI boffins Industrial Light and Magic).
Long term sci-fi fan Steven Spielberg is also involved and you can tell that masses of love and attention have gone into making this… But does it work?
Oh yes!! This is distilled cinematic wonderment, the effects are absolutely mind blowing, the action delivers big time and the humans, well, they get to try and keep up with the massive metal show stealing transformers.
The robots are undoubtedly the stars – the heroic Autobots and the dastardly Decepticons, who find themselves here battling over a powerful energy source called the Allspark. Don’t worry too much about the plot and I certainly wouldn’t advise seeking too much character development, what Transformers does is bring an inordinate amount of walking, talking hardware to the party. At its heart, this is the simple story of a boy and his first car, just turns out that this car is actually a super advanced robot from another planet and it goes by the name ‘Bumblebee’. It’s not long before the hills are alive with the sound of heavy assault weaponry, the crunch of metal exoskeleton and the loud kaboom of multiple explosions. And when the action kicks off there’s nothing that can touch Transformers for sheer kinetic thrills. You’re inner 12 year old boy will fully appreciate that you’re witnessing something that simply wouldn’t have been cinematically possible up until now.
This really is a ‘must see on the big screen’ tale of good versus evil and I foresee many millions of action figures being sold to a new generation of robot fans. Remember, the freedom to enjoy lowbrow action packed nonsense like this is the right of all sentient beings... Go and enjoy, there is more to this than meets the eye!

I’ll leave the final words of this review to the noble Optimus Prime himself: “We live among earth’s people now, hiding in plain sight, but watching over them in secret... waiting, protecting.”

Out of 5 you have to go with a crunching 5 (Everything you hoped it would be!!)...

Darkmatters ratings:

Action öööö – stomping robotic destruction overload
Laughs ööö – yes there's some very funny bits
Horror öö – some tension and peril
Babes ööö – Megan Fox is very very yummy...

Overall ööööö (repeated viewing essential!!)


"very cool redesign for the Autobot leader Optimus Prime"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - PS3

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - PS3

Published by EA Games

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Dark and dangerous times lie ahead, especially if you own a magical PS3 because just as Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix bursts into cinemas, Harry handily makes his PS3 debut.
But can the boy wizard conjure up a spellbinding next generation experience or are we destined to put this on the shelf of ‘games who must not be named – because their so useless’?

So Harry is now a 5th Year and is faced with a new set of challenges - teen angst, trying to look cool in front of girls and a spiteful new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher intent on making his life a misery. Plus there’s still the evil Lord Voldemort who is growing more resurgent with every passing book.

Order of the Phoenix expands the action in places to let you control not just Harry in his main task of recruiting fellow students to become “Dumbledore’s Army.” This guerrilla group of magical freedom fighters need to be taught some butt kicking spells in order to defend themselves against the Dark Arts – ready for the upcoming wizard war (read the last book to see how that’s going to turn out…).
Other playable characters include Fred and George Weasley in a madcap flying episode, Sirius Black in a confrontation with demented Death Eaters Bellatrix Lestrange and Lucius Malfoy and perhaps best of all, the chance to step up and become Dumbledore for a one on one bout of magical smack down with Voldemort at the climax.

Yes there’s mission specific quests a plenty but what sets Order of the Phoenix apart from all previous Harry Potter games is the freedom to simply explore and enjoy the wonderful digital playground of Hogwarts itself which is massive and packed with magical secrets to fund and rewards to unlock. Interaction has been stepped up with virtually everything you come across able to be affected by your arsenal of spells. And because there’s no timer ticking down or hard locked main mission you are free to enjoy the many alternative tasks, games and discovery challenges at your leisure. For hardcore Harry Potter fans this is gaming nirvana – for casual players this accessible ‘sandbox’ approach should put Order of the Phoenix on your radar even if you don’t know your muggles from your quidditch pitches.

Control is nicely mapped to the SixAxis which can be used as a Wii like motion sensitive ‘wand’ for casting spells. In fact the gesture-based spell casting system soon becomes second nature even if you choose the more traditional right analogue stick method of control.

Graphically Order of the Phoenix is incredible on the PS3, the characters have all the traits of the film actors and Hogwarts is a thing of beauty. Hats off to the production team for sense of wonder that will hit you as you stumble across some previously missed area – only to pause and take in the glorious architecture or blazing sunlight filtering through the ancient windows.

If there are any issues to be had with Order of the Phoenix, it has to be said that the voice tracks can begin to get on your nerves (especially Hermione as she nags you to do something or other) but even this adds to the authenticity so is only a small hiccup in what is otherwise a pretty flawless execution of Potter’s world.

There are some wicked little mini games to be found too including gobstones - a kind of marbles sim, exploding snap which tests you hand eye reactions and best of all – Wizard Chess which is addictive in itself.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is a classy addition to the PS3 software catalogue and shows that film tie ins, if made with enough love and effort, don’t have to be mindless cash ins. There are hours of fun to be had here filling your Room of Rewards, and if you’ve seen the film and read the book, playing the game should be high on your ‘things to do’ list!

Darkmatters rating:

Overall öööö ('Wand' -erful stuff !)

Link to my review: http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2007/07/harry-potter-and-order-of-phoenix.html

Darkmatters: H O M E

Matt Adcock meets Harry Potter

Matt Adcock meets Harry Potter (plus Ron and Hermione)

It’s not everyday that a mere muggle like me gets to meet a famous young wizard and his two best pals (another wizard and cute young witch)… But Daniel Radcliffe (Harry), Emma Watson (Hermione Granger) and Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley) are in London promoting Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix – the 5th film in the block-busting series.

Matt: Hi guys, so how would maybe advise a young actor or actress who was hoping to star in a long series of films like the Harry Potter for instance?

Dan: Wow!

Emma: Yeah, that’s so hard to answer. I think if someone had said to me, you know this is what it’s going to be like, whatever…a) I wouldn’t have believed them and b) you just, I don’t know, you just can’t…

Dan: …you just can’t imagine it till your there.

Matt: So as we approach the last book being released – have you thought about how would you like the story to end?

Dan: Well, none of us know how the stories are going to end, but y’know, I don’t have any specific theories because I know that whatever we can sit here and sort of talk about, Jo’s going to come up with something far more interesting or exciting than anything we could ever predict or imagine.

Emma: I don’t know, there’s this theory that Hermione is going to die and that’s just, I really didn’t have that in my plans for what she would achieve. I kind of want to see her in another country protesting for the rights of house elves or just generally making the world a better place. Hopefully y’know being married to Ron and having lots of beautiful babies? That’s the plan anyway.

Rupert: I don’t know really, it’s really hard to say. Everyone’s got there own little idea, but I’m not sure really I think if Ron had to die it wouldn’t be so bad because it’s the last one as well, which is alright!

Matt: Not long to wait now, so when you get the book will you all just go straight to the back of the book or will you read it the whole way through?

Dan: I’ll certainly be reading it the whole way through. My grandmother does that and it’s a terrible habit.

Emma: It’s really hard. I can say now, I’ll read it page to page, be really good and everything but it’s hard to say.

Rupert: I’ll be very tempted to have a little flick at the back to see if I’m still there. But I don’t know…

Matt: Do you like the Harry Potter games and merchandise?

Rupert: Yeah, definitely. It’s really weird yeah, all the merchandise is quite strange and now they’re getting more realistic, especially the games. They’ve even got my voice on it now so it is quite weird, yeah.

Emma: There’s a classic. I was in Waitrose the other day and along one of the shelves was something like Hermione’s Magic Muffins. There was actually a recipe with my head on one of those sticky things you put on top of a cupcake. I was like ‘that’s a new one!’ Brilliant. I mean, honestly, every time round there’s something new.
And with that they have to go. There’s so much that we could talk about – the actors are all chatty and obviously enjoyed reprising their roles. I’d urge you to check out the new film because for me it was by far the best of the series to date…

Read my review of the film here: http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2007/07/harry-potter-and-order-of-phoenix.html


Darkmatters: H O M E

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - review

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (12a)

Dir. David Yates

Reviewed by Matt Adcock


Official Notice from the Ministry of Magic – authorised by Professor Dolores Umbridge.

Listen muggles, it has come to the attention of the Ministry of Magic that there is a dangerous new film being distributed – it is entitled Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix… The film depicts many things that we at the ministry are most concerned about and most worrying of all; it seems to indicate that the evidence of the Dark Lord's return is incontrovertible.

What bothers me most personally is how I am portrayed in the movie by Imelda Staunton as a meddling duplicitous kill joy – constantly trying to hinder the true hearted Harry Potter and his misguided friends who have allied with that old fool Dumbledore.


"Things at Hogwarts are worse than thought"

Other concerning elements in this undeniably powerful and admittedly exciting tale, include high jinks by those darned Weasley kids, detailed depiction of Hogwarts school rules being broken and an overt scene of teenage Harry having his first kiss – what is the world coming to?

Then there’s the breathtaking climactic battle which is something else altogether! They actually show Voldermort and his Death Eaters facing off against Harry, his meddlesome school friends (who call themselves Dumbledore’s Army) and the do gooding Order of the Phoenix. Don’t be fooled by the amazing special effects, the valiant stand by the heroes in the face of certain doom or the spellbinding edge of the seat action, this is deviant propaganda…


"pucker up and say 'Mmmmmmpphhhh' "

One thing that I can commend is how the Director - David ‘they have so much faith in me that I’m also directing Harry Potter and the Half Blood-Prince’ Yates keeps the dark sense of foreboding that has been building throughout the films and the books.

Yes on balance I can see how Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix may well catch up many in its ‘spell’. Some will no doubt say that this is the film where the Harry Potter franchise steps up and delivers fantasy action and adventure on a previously unprecedented scale.

In fact all the actors certainly appear to be having a fantastic time especially the newcomers to the series like Helena Bonham Carter as the unbalanced Bellatrix Lestrange and Evanna Lynch as the loopy Luna Lovegood. Harry and his mystical pals seem to be right at home in their well-worn roles too (see the Matt Adcock’s interview with them if you want to get the low down).

Remember, the Ministry of Magic has certified this film as being ‘too spine-tinglingly fun for muggle consumption’ watch at your own peril!!

Out of 5 you have to go with a magical 5 (yes Potter shots and scores with his best film yet!)...

Darkmatters ratings:

Action öööö – Die Hard with wands at the end!
Laughs ööö – mostly Weasley induced
Horror ööö – grimness and darkness to be found here
Babes ööö – Yes they're cute, yes they're still too young...

Overall ööööö (A remarkable achievement - highly recommended)


"look at that poise, that style, that vicious little minded woman!!"

Darkmatters: H O M E