Venom attacks - Spiderman 3

"The darkness consumes a new victim..."

"Prepare for a cool big screen showdown!!"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Factory Girl - review

Factory Girl (15)
Dir. George Hickenlooper

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

If and only if the thought of watching breath-taking action involving heroically muscled men in skimpy outfits and red cloaks battling insane odds leave you cold should you seek out Factory Girl this week over the mighty 300. This is a self important, fictionally enhanced tale of Edie Sedgwick, troubled society girl extraordinaire who never quite made it big but whose claim to fame was being patronised by Andy Warhol.

Warhol's bloated and seedy world of the ‘Factory’ is a place that grates on the nerves very quickly. Whilst everything is effectively brought to life – you can virtually smell the flatulent drug haze – it doesn’t mean that it’s a place you’d want to hang out.
Sienna Miller makes an attractive Sedgwick and really throws herself into the role but it is to little avail. The sad fact is that it’s simply no fun watching a spoilt little rich girl self destructing in grand style however authentically it is portrayed. Whatever slight sympathy you might harbour for Sedgwick has a very short half-life as she along with just about everybody else here become tedious to watch before the film is half done.
So Miller proves she can deliver in a leading role and Guy Pearce makes a decent Warhol even though it could be anyone under the glasses and wig. Hayden ‘Skywalker’ Christensen plays Bob Dylan who gets into an awkward romantic situation with Sedgwick (although his character is not named because of legal wrangles from the Dylan estate).
Some may enjoy seeing a society ‘it girl’ poverty-stricken, drug-addicted and generally on the ropes but Factory Girl fails to win any hearts of minds and merely serves as a car crash spectacle.
What’s annoying is that the whole Factory scene must have been an insane coalition and could potentially have made a crazy film experience detailing the dangers of excess, fleeting celebrity and of course the life wrecking drug effects. Alas Factory Girl is a limping shallow exercise in boredom, which cannot be saved even by copious ‘real’ talking heads who expound their recollections of Edie Sedgwick over the end credits. Unfortunately for all concerned by that point it’s far too little, too late…
Give me the blood soaked glory of 300’s Spartan warfare over this arty self-obsessed claptrap any day.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ö - none to speak of
Laughs ö – none to speak of
Horror ö – none to speak of
Babes ööö – Sienna is hot but this movie isn't

Overall ö (rich girls have issues too!)

Darkmatters: H O M E

Sunshine - dark days are coming

"am checking this out tomorrow... hopes are high..."

check out the cool trailer here: http://www.apple.com/trailers/

Darkmatters: H O M E

Inland Empire - review

Inland Empire
Dir. David Lynch

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Congratulations – you’re visa has been approved for a visit to the Inland Empire – it’s a place like none you’ve ever imagined, but for David Lynch fans it’s also home… Inland Empire is a slow (very slow at three hours!) trip through the sleazy underbelly of Hollywood – or is it?

How else did I describe this freakfest?

a. like having the devil rub his hard-on on the back of your neck
b. the mother of all Lynchisms
c. freak fiction of the highest quality
or
d. all of the above...

Find out by reading the full review here: http://www.frankthemonkey.com

Darkmatters: H O M E

Becoming Jane - review

Becoming Jane (PG)
Dir. Julian Jarrold

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

This is tale that the government has tried to hush up, an unsettling account of assassination, intrigue and of killer robots sent back in time to wipe out the future of humanity. Seems you see that Jane Austen wasn’t quite the plain looking, innocent virtuoso authoress that historical records would have us believe. Oh no, the secret that I am now risking all to share with you is that actually, Jane Austen was a bit of alright, an absolute babe in fact – and whisper this – judging by her accent I think she might have been American too!?
Yes, Becoming Jane blows the lid off the ‘real’ and by ‘real’ I mean ‘mostly made up’ life story of one of Britain’s’ best loved authors. Anne ‘Devil Wears Prada’ Hathaway takes the title role and delivers a brilliantly spirited turn (my wife said that she even blew Kiera Knightley’s Pride & Prejudice heroine away, but I won’t hear a word against my mate Kiera). James ‘Last King of Scotland’ McAvoy is the dashingly smug Tom Lefroy (I promised that I wouldn’t repeat what my wife said about him, but it was very positive too).
The two leads absolutely fizz with chemistry and although most of their relationship is almost entirely fictional, you still get some sense of her quiet and mostly uneventful life in the wilds of Hampshire. The film plays out like a prequel to one of Austen’s novels with characters like the flitrtatious Elisa de Feuillade played by Lucy ‘mostly worked on Brit TV series The Bill’ Cohu, married to a French count who was later guillotined. And of course the dashing young Irish lawyer Tom Lefroy, with whom Jane fell in love and hoped to marry / elope.
As a bit of a Jane Austen lover I have to admit that I went to see this with a deep scepticism but came out having thoroughly enjoyed tracing the emotional impact that Jane’s encounters had on her own fictional output. Becoming Jane is a quality date movie too, Hathaway is absolutely gorgeous, all poised pouts backed up with a fine repertoire of wicked smiles. McAvoy is excellent too and stands out amongst a decent cast that also includes Julie Walters as Jane’s mother. Mrs. Austen get many of the best lines including: "Affection is desirable. Money is absolutely indispensable!" Becoming Jane deserves to be a success – if you’re feeling even slightly romantic don’t deny yourself this period romantic hit!

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öööö - smooching ahoy... they made that up!
Laughs öö – wicked wit in evidence... they made that up too!
Horror ö – nothing nasty here
Babes öööö – Anne Hathaway is a foxy minx!!

Overall öööö (if you don't fall in love with this - you've got issues!)



"Miss Austen shows us two fo her better points..."


"look at that dramatic tension!?"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Older... darker..?

Just had to share this piece of superb Birthday 'art' from my oldest, darkest friend - MIKE - he's the guy who goes ahead of me each year pathfinding what it feels like to be older... then about a month later I follow him, this year, into pre-middleage (36)...

Here's his words of wisedom... "i thought i might leave with this depressing thought, brought home to me from the film rumble fish, and delivered in world weary style by Tom Waites:

'Time is a funny thing. Time is a very peculiar item.When you're young, you're a kid, you got time.Throw away a couple of years, a couple of years ...It doesn't matter. You know? The older you get you say,'Jesus, how much I got?...35 summers left,' think about it.'
Statistically, we have 43 summers left. I doesn't sound like much when you break it down like that. makes you think. enjoy."

It does make you think...
makes me think that I need to finish Darkmatters (2 weeks from manuscript deadline now)

and while you're waiting - he's my review of new French horror Sheitan (SATAN):

"Ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight? Oh you have… Um, bet it wasn’t in a rural French chateau populated with a volatile mixture of freaky insane family members, gorgeously hot and seductive nymphets and a mentally jovial caretaker who might have sold his soul to the devil? Oh, you did?Hhhmm, who’d have thought? Well in that case you should check out Sheitan (Satan) – the latest French horror blast which walks in the bloody slasher footsteps of Switchblade Romance and Ils but brings the horned beast to the party too… I’m pretty sure that if the devil exists he’ll have been amused watching Sheitan as this cinematic orgy of... click here to read the rest over at FRANK THE MONKEY

Darkmatters: H O M E

OUTLAW - review

"don't sign a petition pick up an automatic weapon..."

Outlaw (18)
Dir. Nick Love

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“There will be no excuses. The guilty will be punished…”
Right, this is how it’s going to be: for too long nonces, bullies, hoodies and scumbags of all types have taken advantage of our lax UK legal system, the innocent have suffered and the criminals have prospered – that ends now.
No longer will we take it, the public are fighting back and when I say ‘public’ I obviously mean ‘Sean Bean, Danny Dyer, Bob Hoskins and some other nice but violently disposed chaps’…
Outlaw is a Nick ‘Football Factory, The Business’ Love film – he’s the UK’s best at chav culture bloke wish fulfilment and Outlaw builds on his cocky, loveable geezer angst and filters it through the heavy hitting tones of a Michael Mann movie. The result is a high velocity rifle shot of modern day knee jerk violent revenge that could be ripped from any copy of Daily Mail.
Basically the outlaws here are like an English A-Team just without the ‘build a tank in the back garden plotlines’. Cue the music ‘Da da dan da, da da da… In 2007 a crack commando (Bean) and some other blokes form a unit and are vilified for a crime they don't commit. These men promptly escape from an unlikely Police sting to the London underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as thugs of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The Outlaws…
Yes that just about sums up this film, it’s gritty, it’s violent and it is liable to encourage angry mobs to form and take their own brand of violent vigilante ‘justice’ to the streets. So whilst morally reprehensible and obviously not to meant to be ‘tried at home’ Outlaw manages to be bloody good fun too. It’s hard not to feel a twinge of ‘go get the scumbags’ sentiment when the posse decide to avenge the horrific murder of one of their wives. And despite most of them not knowing which way round to hold their AK47s they manage to get out there and do some damage to the criminal underworld.
It’s not big or clever but if you’ve ever felt let down by the system and fancy seeing a bit of make believe macho retribution - Outlaw delivers a serious payload of hardball thrills, think a British Fight Club and you’ll be in the right neighbourhood.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):
Action öööö - come on then, you looking at me punk!?
Laughs öö – it's not supposed to be comedy but Dyer is born comedian
Horror ööö – some serious violence ensues
Babes öö – this is a boys film with 'guns' not 'babes'

Overall öööö (nasty but necessary)


"the 'vigilante gun idol' contestants strutted their stuff"

Links:

More Danny Dyer revenge in soon to be released 'Straightheads'

Or balls to the wall horror comedy Severance

Darkmatters: H O M E

Ghost Rider - review

"nice bike, shame about the film..."


Ghost Rider (12a)
Dir. Mark Steven Johnson

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“There will be no excuses. The guilty will be punished…”
In this case though the guilty are the filmmakers who have unashamedly taken a half decent comic book premise – man sells soul to devil but is tricked into becoming the evil one’s bounty hunter, and dumbed it down, blandedit out and laughed all the way to the bank as it cruises past $100million dollar takings in the U.S. alone.
I used to have a pile of Ghost Rider comics and matchbox toy of his flaming bike which I loved as a boy; alas those pleasant memories of long afternoons burning around my house have been ruined by this limp screen adaptation. Anyway, step this way if you’re in the mood to see Nicholas Cage act even less convincingly than he did in the abysmal Wicker Man remake last year. Here he plays Johnny Blaze, a hot shot stunt biker who inadvertently signs over his soul to Mephistopheles (played like a camp Christopher Walken by Peter Fonda). This diabolic dealing leaves Blaze contractually obligated to be the devil’s own biker scout by night, his head becomes a flaming skull and his bike develops a seriously flammable demeanour.
The sight of the Ghost Rider in full CGI glory is probably the only thing worth checking this stale, lame and completely unnecessary movie out for. But even this wears thin after about a minute or two and becomes laughable when you see the ‘skull’ try to lip synch his clichéd lines.
The baddies don’t fare much better with satan’s son ‘Blackheart’ (Wes Bentley) moping about the place randomly killing people whilst tracking down a legendary contract that he wants to use to put his dad out of a job. The ‘climatic’ showdown between Ghost Rider and Blackheart has to be one of the weakest on screen battles ever, several people even walked out during it which really isn’t a good sign.
The gorgeous Eva Mendez pops up as the unfortunate love interest who has to share Blaze with his hot headed nocturnal exploits – but she’s given little to do except look doe eyed and pout.
Beware Mark Steven Johnson (the director), because if the Ghost Rider is out there, as he says in the film: “Your soul has been tainted by the blood of the innocent. Look into my eyes and feel their pain!” – That’s the pain of the audience he’s talking about and you will suffer greatly!!

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action ö - weak and frankly rubbish
Laughs öö – a couple, mostly laughing 'at it' not 'with it'
Horror öö – some unpleasant images
Babes ööö – Mendez is hot
Overall öö(prepare for disappointment)


"please don't make me make a sequel!?"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Battlestar Galactica - love it!!

"No, sorry never had a black Trans Am named KITT in my family"

Battlestar Galactica - register a new convert...

'Lighten up a little bit. It's only the end of the world.'

Love love love the new Battlestar Galactica - Tom my mentee got me the first season on DVD for my B'day, well done Mr Wade, I'm completely addicted!!

Cool CGI, tight plots and compelling characters, it's all good. Am having to fight the urge to burn through the whole series but am trying to pace myself until my previous joint favourite space based series (the other obviously being Firefly) - Babylon 5 'Complete Universe' arrives and I can relive evey last second of that, this time with my sons...

"tasty new CGI Vipers in action!"

Also the new Battlestar G has got a lot of the religious folks that I mix with excited because of all the 'spirituality' in it - as a believer myself that's just an added bonus. Here's some background if you're interested in that angle:

Unbeknownst to most viewers, "Battlestar Galactica" has been steeped in religion since its very inception. First pitched by uber-producer Glen A. Larson as a series of Bible stories set in space called "Adam's Ark," the reworked "Battlestar Galactica" was also influenced by another religious book: the Book of Mormon. A member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Larson borrowed plot points from his faith's sacred texts.*


But in a sage decision the makers have upped the 'babe' factor considerably injecting evil sexy Cylon blonde Tricia Helfer, tomboy 'starbuck' Katee Sackhoff, Boomer 'Tom's Choice' Grace Park and not forgetting super cute space pixie - Nicki 'Cally' Clyne!? see below:


"Aaron Douglas... he's not so cute"

*taken from "Born-Again 'Battlestar'" link: http://www.beliefnet.com/story/166/story_16633_1.html

Links:

National Serenity Day

Firefly review

Darkmatters: H O M E

The Great Ecstasy Of Robert Carmichael

"the youth of today??"

Sometimes a Monkey phones me up or emails, he asks if I want to review things for him, I normally say 'yes'...

This week I reviewed The Great Ecstasy Of Robert Carmichael - wow it's powerful stuff, here's a taster:

Welcome to hell (twinned with Newhaven) for this cinematic equivalent of having your head kicked in by good looking teenagers… Nothing can really prepare you for watching this shocking epistle of disaffected youth in modern day Britain. It’s almost as if the droogs from ‘A Clockwork Orange’ have time travelled back to a couple of year’s ago and morphed into a bunch of school kids who seek their thrills through antisocial behaviour of the worst Daily Mail baiting kind… drugs, theft, random violence and explicit rape...

Read my review here:
http://www.frankthemonkey.com


"Danny Dyer... up to no good..."

Darkmatters: H O M E

The Number 23 - review

The Number 23 (15)
Dir. Joel Schumacher

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

I stepped out of the cinema at 23:23pm, there was a crazy look on the face of my friends who’d just witnessed a dark trip into insanity with me. Were the numbers trying to tell me something? Who’d have thought that it would lead to the sorts of unhinged freakiness and dubious behaviour that followed?
But enough about my 36th Birthday celebrations, this is a tale of psychotic madness brought on by an obsession with the number 23. Jim Carey stars as Walter Sparrow and brings his unique brand of manic energy to this trashy but fun thriller from Joel ‘Lost Boys’ Schumacher.
The Number 23 isn’t deep – if it were a sudoku it would be rated ‘mild’, so if you’re looking for a disturbing mathematical mind bender, perhaps you should stick with something like Darren Aronofsky’s excellent ‘Pi’. If however you’re in the mood for decently filmed and nicely acted schlock of the ‘will he / won’t be driven to murder’ type then look no further.
Having seen some ‘ho hum’ reaction to this film I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it half as much as I did. Virginia Madsen was just amazing, giving hope to 46 year old women everywhere by sizzling in the duel roles of Carrey’s wife Agatha Sparrow and the fantasist sex toy Fabrizia. The plot might be a checklist of cinematic liberties but there is an undeniably enjoyable kookiness in the central conceit – Agatha buys a novel called ‘The Number 23’ for her husband, little suspecting that it will utterly consume him. The book then threatens to wreck their lives as Sparrow comes to believe that he is somehow linked to the plot and that the number 23 itself is ‘out to get him’.
What adds to the enjoyment are some excellent pulpy flashbacks taken from the book, played out in a hard-boiled detective noir style that reminded me of Sin City. These fantasy sequences where Carrey is the lead character from the book, a murderous potential alter ego named ‘Fingerling’, are welcome because they really add to the overall creeping sense of danger.
One thing is for sure – the filmmakers pack in just about every conceivable contrivance to get the number 23 into the plot even quoting the Good Book (Numbers 32 verse 23 no less)…
It might all end with a bit of a farcically overblown plot twist but overall this a fun ride that doesn’t disappoint.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 23):
Action 2+1+2 - loved the classy noir bits
Laughs 46/2 – very nice humour before the horror
Horror 23 – no very much but at least one quality 'jump'
Babes 23x2 – Virginia Madsen, still would!!
Overall 23 (Nicely manufactured pulp thrills)


Darkmatters: H O M E

Heroes - hits the UK

"You start talking about capes and tights and I'm out of here..."

Heroes hit the UK last night on the Sci Fi channel, I managed to catch it - and I love it!!

This is immediately right up there with Carnivale, Surface and the beloved Twin Peaks (more on that soon as I've just seen Lynch's INLAND EMPIRE and am still slightly dazed and unnerved by it!?)...

Anyway - Heroes is a show I'll be making an effort to watch -it's kind of Unbreakable meets the Xmen!?

PS3 sales figures - impressive!?

"The PS3 might be expensive - but it's selling!"

There's been so much doom and gloom mongering about the PS3 launch(es) that I thought I'd have a quick look at how the numbers sold so far stack up against previous console launches... I was expecting to see it lagging behind but with the exception of the lovely Wii (can't wait for ours - it is ETA April for my son's 10th Birthday) which is selling like some seriously tasty hot cakes - I'll be sitting on a non vibrating SixAxis controller if the PS3 numbers so far aren't actually looking pretty good...

Is going to be a great year for game fans whichever system(s) you own...

e.g. (all data taken from http://www.vgcharts.org/)

- PS3's sold in Japan to end of Jan 668,250
(almost) double the number of 360's sold in Japan to date 345,500

- PS3 American sales after two months 780,500
the PS2 sales after two months 683,000

- Digging a little further, it also looks like the 360 is still behind where the original Xbox was at the same timepoint in total number of sales...

Interesting stuff - here's the current global picture:

Links:

Looking forward to the Euro PS3 launch

Darkmatters: H O M E

PS3 - yes please!!

"is this the prototype PS4..."

It is cracking me up reading all the anti Sony web buzz at the moment - so many people moaning about the price, complaining and bitching all day long on the forums and message boards...

I for one am still absolutely stoked at the prospect of getting my PS3 next month - so inspired in fact that I've set myself the target of finishing my novel before it arrives.

What will I be playing on day one?

Motor Storm: there's nothing like this out there on any other console

Resistance: Fall Of Man... 40 player deathmatches in destructable English towns? yes please!

Tiger Woods 2007: Am very curious about the Six-Axis controller 'tilt to spin the ball control'

Full Auto 2: Battlelines - this is picking up decent review scores having been improved on the 360 version

Will probably download FLOW and Grand Turismo HD too...


"this chap is the War Devil... next gen for sure"

Then there's LAIR, Mercenaries 2, WarDevil and Metal Gear 4: Guns of the Patriots to look forward to (which are PS3 only at the moment).

Mmmmmm - I'll get back to the novel now, but if you want to check out some more very cool artwork by an old schoolfriend of mine - Lee Davies (the guy who did the robot above) click here:

Cool Gallery

Earlier post about Lee's cool artwork: Lee Davies does George Bush

Darkmatters: H O M E

Die Hard 4 (Live Free or Die Hard)

Still in love with DIE HARD...


"remember this cheeky young chap from DIE HARD 1988?"


"here he was in the top sequel DIE HARD 2: DIE HARDER in 1990"


"and again in 1995 for the competent if slightly less amazing DIE HARD: WITH A VENGEANCE"


"now he's back in DIE HARD 4 - LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD"


"check out this superb bit of action from the new trailer... oh yes!!!"

Now watch the trailer here: Live Free or Die Hard Trailer

Roll on 06 July in the UK which should be renamed:
DIE 'HARDEST' DAY

Previous love for Mr Willis: Bruce Willis in a Hostage Situation

Matt meets: BRUCE WILLIS

Darkmatters: H O M E

Hot Fuzz - review

Hot Fuzz (15)
Dir. Edgar Wright

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Every minute of every day – a crime is being committed somewhere. I can feel it; I can sense the scum on our streets. For too long people have cried ‘where are the police when we need them?' But in this feral world, one man can make a difference – that man is Nicholas Angel.

Angel is a super cop, he eats, sleeps and drinks crime busting, he’s a force of nature with a badge and notepad and now you can catch him in action because Hot Fuzz is kicking down the doors of your local cinema even as we speak.
Arriving in the impressive shockwave of top Brit horror comedy Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz ups the ante, boosts the budget and delivers quality laughs, action and violence way beyond the call of duty.

Simon ‘Spaced’ Pegg confirms his place as the saviour of British genre comedy films – co-writing and starring in this slick, cop overload that manages to be loyal homage to Hollywood action films like Bad Boys, whilst skillfully playing the material for genuine laughs! Aided and abetted by the excellent Edgar ‘Shaun of the Dead’ Wright who also writes and takes directors duties shows that he can out think and out gun the lorry load of Shane Blacks packing Lethal Weapons.
Hot Fuzz is a bona fide masterpiece; it explodes with comic talent who for once actually deliver all that you might want. Timothy Dalton hams it up deliciously as a slimy Somerfield supermarket owner, who may or may not be linked to psychotically murderous secret society and there’s also good work by Bill Nighy, Steve Coogan, Martin Freeman, Paddy Considine and Jim Broadbent to name but a few. It’s like a ‘who’s who’ of current top UK talent.
My mate Alan is even in the film – actually it might be Nick ‘Shaun of the Dead’ Frost now I look closely, he’s the rural bobby assigned to partner Pegg and together they form the best cop buddy relationship ever to grace the screen. When not in the pub or watching Point Break on DVD, these two British ‘Bad Boys’ tear up the overly perfect Midsomer Murder esq village and bring a level of destruction and mayhem to the screen which left my face aching from having grinned so much.
Hot Fuzz is an agile beast in that it cross genres with ease, all the while building to an unforgettable climax. You’ll smile as it breaks you in gently with some fun background / set up, you’ll laugh as the film references come thick and fast and the plot develops but by the end you’ll be whooping and cheering as the slow motion gunplay and over the top action blow you away. One note of caution – if you’re squeamish about gore and / or adverse to bad language then you might have to recalibrate your thresholds as there are serious amounts of both but here they just add to the overall level of comic spectacle. On leaving the cinema my wife had to literally restrain me from dashing around the car park pulling heroic mock gunfight dives through the air and then burning off in hot pursuit of some make believe crims (she enjoyed it too though in case you were wondering – so it even works as a date flick).
Working Title films should be very proud of what has been achieved with Hot Fuzz – it’s a must see, repeat watch orgy of fun.
If you have a pulse I urge you to check out Hot Fuzz ASAP.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):

Action öööö – builds up to a total eyeball melting finale
Laughs ö ö ö ö ö – awesome, killer one liners keep coming
Horror öööö – plenty grimness – lots of gore
Babes öö – not really anything much

Overall ö ö ö ö ö (Bring the noise!!!)



Darkmatters: H O M E

Silverfall - preview

"My wife Gail looks a lot like this elf... except for the ears maybe?"

Some of my friends are monkeys - and there's this Irish one who has his own website called Frank The Monkey...

From time to time he gets me to write stuff for him and I'm happy to oblige - click this link to read my preview experience of new RPG game SILVERFALL:

Matt plays SILVERFALL before anybody else


In my 'how sexy are games - random link to famous babes scoring system' - Silverfall is about as sexy as Christina Ricci (in hotpants)

Other Game Review Links:

Matt seeks the Archlord for a monkey named Frank

Matt rubs balls on Mischa Barton

Babe helps out game nerds with biology

Darkmatters: H O M E

Hannibal Rising - review

Hannibal Rising (18)
Dir. Peter Webber

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Something smells bad here… there’s an unmistakeable stench in the air. Is it the cold dread odour of terror?

No, that’s not it.

Is it the heavy sweaty rankness inspired by a blood curdling thriller?

Nope, nothing like that, this is far less pleasant pong.

Wait, I’ve got it…

Yes, it’s the malodorous reekage of ‘cash in’ and it can be found in its distilled form anywhere near the new Hannibal film. 

Yep, Hannibal Rising is a steaming whopper of a movie that whiffs so bad you’ll only have yourself to blame if you waste your time and money on it. Hannibal creator Thomas Harris apparently squeezed out the screenplay for this prequel which tells the unfortunate tale of how his famous liver munching cannibal got so twisted, at the same time he wrote the novel. How he must be laughing as he spends his ill gotten gains from this barrel scrapping, paint a dull plot by numbers exercise in unpleasantness.

It turns out that Hannibal takes it quite badly when his cute little sister is eaten by scumbag Nazi partisans in the Second World War. So badly that he spends his teenage years hunting them down in a series of pretty dull revenge murders.

Young Gaspard ‘A Very Long Engagement’ Ulliel does ok trying to capture the weirdly charismatic essence of Lecter. The rest of the cast do an average job with the big print picture edition script and one bright spot is Gong Li shimmering as the murderous young rascal’s unlikely aunt. You might smile when Hannibal tries on his aunt’s samurai battle mask which he’s wearing on the poster because it does look rather like the restraint visor that he’ll be modeling in later life.

Hannibal Rising does not add much to the respectable series which Manhunter and The Silence Of The Lambs delivered such quality shocks.

Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):
Action öö – slow, much too slow
Laughs ö – unintentional at best
Horror ööö – some nastiness in some scenes


Overall öö1/2 (2.5 missed opportunity)

Darkmatters: H O M E

The Man Who Fell To Earth - review

The Man Who Fell To Earth (18)
Dir. Nicolas Roeg

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

I come in *cult classic* peace and bring you David ‘Is there life on mars’ Bowie mixing his extraterrestrial DNA with a pleasing Rip *cult classic* Torn, sorry I mean Candy *cult classic* Clark. Oh the pain as my *cult classic* barren planet dries up and my *cult classic* FAMILY perish – psyche the *cult classic* visuals and hit the wow *cult classic* wow ‘70s music man…

Yes what we have here ladies and gentlemen is a bona fide *cult classic*…
The Man Who Fell To Earth is a space oddity from Nicolas ‘Don’t Look Now’ Roeg and if you’re at all in the mood for a *cult classic*… You’ll probably do no better than picking up the new special edition of this weird and almost wonderful tale.

Plotwise you get a *cult classic* spacecraft landing in a lake in New Mexico. From it you get Thomas *cult classic* Newton (David Bowie at the height of his *cult classic* drug use but that actually helps his ‘otherworldliness’ here)… This orange haired alien is tall and pale, he has things on his mind and hires himself a lawyer Oliver Farnsworth (Buck *cult classic* Henry), because he has the plans for some patents which are super technologically advanced… His corporation makes masses of funds from the machinery these patents allow and the money, the *cult classic* money is being raised to fund a space programme that has the mission of saving Bowie’s homeworld which is drying out…

The new 2 disc DVD version in the UK has masses of bonus material, a cracking transfer both visually and audio wise. The material still startles even 30 odd years on (if you’re wondering why it’s an 18 – basically it’s got lots of nudity and sex in it, the sort of old fashioned real nudity that most modern filmmakers simply will not dare to include.)

It won’t be to everyone’s taste but as a fresh pair of eyes – eyes that often enjoy a *cult classic* now and again – I found it to be a great slice of oddness and would recommend it as such.


Darkmatters rating system (out of 5):
Action öö – slow burning *cult classic* action
Laughs öö – limited *cult classic* mirth
Horror ööö – *cult classic* nastiness is there in some scenes
Babes öööö – *cult classic* wasn’t expecting these but there are plenty

Overall ööö1/2 (*cult classic*)

Darkmatters: H O M E