With apologies in advance for the female Darkmatter readers...
Top man SI (who does not blog alas) sent me this very useful guide to the English Football Premiership... As a Tottenham fan I couldn't agree more with the mighty Spurs being likened to the 'oh so lovely' Miss Knightley!
Hey Matt L, Tom, - all you other Arsenal fans out there - what's the French for "rough old slapper?"
Spurs - Keira Knightley:
Undeniably easy on the eye with an attractive English spine. And proof that
two little ones up front needn't be an drawback.
Portsmouth - Girls Aloud:
Only one real class act among the hastily assembled line-up. You shouldn't like them but admit it, you've sneaked the occasional admiring glance.
Chelsea - Rachel Stevens:
You'd rather just watch them than listen to all that painful whining.
Birmingham - Pamela Anderson:
Used to look good in the cups but now a declining force. Plus millions of
people watched them get a good seeing to.
Wigan - Davina McCall:
Poor attendances confirm they've been promoted above their ability.
Sunderland - Kerry Katona:
Once the people's favourite but now an embarrassment. Fun while it lasted -
now disappear from where you came, please.
Everton - Dannii Minogue:
The poor relation to the more glamorous sibling. Can anyone remember when
it was they were supposed to be any good?
Fulham - Charlotte Church:
Proof that money can't buy you class. But could look more attractive if the
Welsh bloke was given the elbow.
Arsenal - Jordan:
Were more likeable when they weren't packed out with expensive foreign
Newcastle - Jodie Marsh:
Impressive front two but embarrassing at the back. Had surgery but need a
lot more work to compete at a higher level.
Aston Villa - Dido:
Bland, boring and still trading off the one big hit they had years ago.
Liverpool - Sophie Ellis-Bextor: Individually all the components look great
but stick them together and it just doesn't work.
Bolton - Clare Balding:
You wouldn't. Not even if they were the last team on earth
Manchester United - Catherine Zeta Jones
Used to look great until they were shafted by an old fat American with too
Darkmatters: H O ME