DARKMATTERS - The Mind of Matt

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Friday, April 07, 2006

Football / Women - definitive guide to Premiership

With apologies in advance for the female Darkmatter readers...

Top man SI (who does not blog alas) sent me this very useful guide to the English Football Premiership... As a Tottenham fan I couldn't agree more with the mighty Spurs being likened to the 'oh so lovely' Miss Knightley!

Hey Matt L, Tom, - all you other Arsenal fans out there - what's the French for "rough old slapper?"

Spurs - Keira Knightley:
Undeniably easy on the eye with an attractive English spine. And proof that
two little ones up front needn't be an drawback.

Portsmouth - Girls Aloud:

Only one real class act among the hastily assembled line-up. You shouldn't like them but admit it, you've sneaked the occasional admiring glance.

Chelsea - Rachel Stevens:

You'd rather just watch them than listen to all that painful whining.

Other teams...

Birmingham - Pamela Anderson:
Used to look good in the cups but now a declining force. Plus millions of
people watched them get a good seeing to.

Wigan - Davina McCall:
Poor attendances confirm they've been promoted above their ability.

Sunderland - Kerry Katona:
Once the people's favourite but now an embarrassment. Fun while it lasted -
now disappear from where you came, please.

Everton - Dannii Minogue:
The poor relation to the more glamorous sibling. Can anyone remember when
it was they were supposed to be any good?

Fulham - Charlotte Church:
Proof that money can't buy you class. But could look more attractive if the
Welsh bloke was given the elbow.

Arsenal - Jordan:
Were more likeable when they weren't packed out with expensive foreign

Newcastle - Jodie Marsh:
Impressive front two but embarrassing at the back. Had surgery but need a
lot more work to compete at a higher level.

Aston Villa - Dido:
Bland, boring and still trading off the one big hit they had years ago.

Liverpool - Sophie Ellis-Bextor: Individually all the components look great
but stick them together and it just doesn't work.

Bolton - Clare Balding:
You wouldn't. Not even if they were the last team on earth

Manchester United - Catherine Zeta Jones
Used to look great until they were shafted by an old fat American with too
much money

Darkmatters: H O ME

1 comment:

Tom Wade said...

Hmmmm, this would be much better if it wasn't obviously written from a bias Tottenham perspective. I like to this of Arsenal much more in the Natalie Portman mould. Young and full of promise, beautifully crafted, cheeky, full of brilliance and creativity... And er plays brilliantly in Europe?! (I'm referring to her appearence in Closer in that club in London of course...)