Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 'boob motion control' on PS3

"Ninjas, violence and dualshock motion control"

"As you can see - NGS2 retains all the bloody battling of the 360 version"

Check this video - it is either the most sexist thing ever or a work of artistic genius...


Let me know your thoughts...

Mesrine: Killer Instinct - L'Instinct De Mort and Mesrine: Public Enemy Number One - L'Ennemi Public No 1

Alors – here’s your chance to spend more than four hours in the company of possibly the most dangerous Frenchman ever…

Mesrine: Killer Instinct - L'Instinct De Mort (15)

et

Mesrine: Public Enemy Number One - L'Ennemi Public No 1 (15)

Dir. Jean-François Richet, who made the Assault on Precinct 13 remake.

Reviewed by Matt ‘le Roast Beef’ Adcock

ONE WORD SUMMATION: legloriousbastard

Zut mon frère, Il y a un ‘two-part crim-em-up’ bio of France's public enemy number un.

Vincent Cassel steps into the large shoes of Jacques Mesrine, the craziest French crimelord you may never have ever heard of… In Mesrine: Killer Instinct we get to see this bad boy’s rise to prominence as he wheels, deals and blows people away in a bid to impress local crime boss Guido (Gérard Depardieu). Then in Public Enemy Number One we find Mesrine (still Cassel) we get to see the gangster grow too big for his boots, believing his own press and getting complacent in the arms of his hottie girlfriend (Ludivine ‘Swimming Pool’ Sagnier).


Jacques Mesrine was a crazy son of a gun who loved himself and wouldn’t let anything stand in his way… Richet directs at a leisurely pace but packs in lots of action – especially in Killer Instinct which cranks up the violent mayhem to the point that it’s easy to forget that most of it is based in fact. Not content with breaking out of maximum security jails, Mesrine is insane enough to try and break back in and rescue his pals…

Once you’ve invested in part one though, you’ll have to come back for part two, Mesrine: Public Enemy… The second film delves deeper into the man’s obsession with his own achievements. You know it’ll end badly for the charismatic froggy baddie but it’s a compelling ride all the way to the blood soaked finale.

Both films are worth your time – I rate em:

Mesrine: Killer Instinct

Darkmatters final rating of: öööööööö (8 – a joyride of criminal destruction)

Mesrine: Public Enemy Number One

Darkmatters final rating of: ööööööö (7 – decent end of the road for le gangster)


"Ludivine ‘Swimming Pool’ Sagnier"

Darkmatters Review: Fish Tank

Fish Tank (15)

Dir. Andrea Arnold, who also made the gritty Red Road

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

ONE WORD SUMMATION: bleakhope

As rapper Nas said “Life’s a bitch and then you die…” and that pretty much sums up Fish Tank, a gritty yet poignant British film that is liable to blow your socks right off.

Venture with me into a seriously Chav estate where the dogs run wild, the children are mostly feral and nobody has a chance. See that cute but mouthy 15-year-old? That’s Mia (an awesome natural-feeling performance from newcomer Katie Jarvis who is going to be star). Mia’s life is pretty rubbish, excluded from school, verbally abused by her slag of a mum (a scarily convincing Kierston ‘Rise of the Footsoldier’ Wareing) and at odds with her so call friends. With nothing but her vague dream of becoming a dancer to guide her, Mia drinks, fights, swears and harbours more resentment than any youngster should really have to deal with… Then one day he mum brings home a new boyfriend – a cut above her usual men, Conor (Michael ‘Inglorious Basterds and Eden Lake’ Fassbender) seems like an Adonis of charismatic, sexy opportunity. Mia initially doesn’t know what to make of this guy who oozes erotic tension in the way he looks her up and down but acts like he just wants to be her mate / surrogate father figure.

Conor introduces Mia and her small family which includes her hard as nails little sister Tyler (Rebecca Griffiths) to new things like… a trip to the countryside where he and Mia catch a fish much to the disgust and ridicule of the others… but has Conor got other things on his agenda that he’s like to introduce Mia to? Is he a wrong-un grooming her or is he really a decent bloke?


"Think a British Flashdance without the glam crap or the happy ending"

Barking council won’t be thrilled by the depiction of the estate wilderness that Mia lives in - the gloomy bleakness of the crowded concrete jungle reeks of neglect, this is the England that haunts the nightmares of Daily Mail readers.

It’s a fish tank – where kids like Mia might want to escape from and swim in the free ocean but never can get past the grimy glass walls that hold them in.

Plot-wise it’s better not to know too much as the tension ramps up considerably as the interplay between the convincing characters becomes sexually charged and dangerous. Jarvis is superb and her chemistry with Fassbender is unnerving. Apparently Arnold found Jarvis witnessing her having a blazing row with her boyfriend at Tilbury Town Station. The events spiral downwards dragging the audience kicking and screaming into a dark swerve of 100mph nail-biting, drunk driving, head on collision with issues that many wouldn’t dare depict on the big screen...


"Do you come here often?"

Fish Tank is a ride worth taking – potentially the best British film of the year. If you’ve the stomach to witness the harshness of real life for those who are trapped in the fish tanks of sink estates, this delivers over and above expectations. It's genius…

Darkmatters final rating of: ööööööööö (9 – masterful stuff, highly recommended)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 6 (flashpoints)

Style 7 (drips with urban grime)

Babes 8 (Katie Jarvis is going to be a babe)

Comedy 6 (tragically comic in places)

Horror 5 (not too horrible)

Spiritual Enlightenment 7 (live, love and give as good as you get)

Official Site: http://www.fishtankmovie.com/


"Katie Jarvis - less Chav out of costume!"

Read a great interview with her over at Little White Lies

Star Wars - Total Film has unseen pics!!

"we need more buns"


"The dark side in effect?"

"Fly the friendly skies..."

Total Film has some quality rarely seen Star Wars pics - like those above...

Click here to see em

or click here to see Leia in her slave girl glory

Darkmatters Review: Dorian Gray

Dorian Gray (15)

Dir. Oliver Parker (St Trinian’s, The Importance of Being Earnest)

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (in Luton with the man who screams at horror i.e. Matt Landsman)

ONE WORD SUMMATION: stuffmedouble

Oscar Wilde’s tale of damned souls and eternal youth is given another big screen outing thanks to Oliver ‘St Trinian’s’ Parker. It’s a relatively faithful retelling of how swoony young Dorian (Ben ‘Prince Caspian’ Barnes) trades his soul for the ultimate ‘get out of jail free’ card.
Imagine having a painting that ages and takes the physical damage for you whilst you live a life unblemished and unharmed no matter what you get up to… It’s a great dark, plot that should make for a powerful gothic horror of man’s insatiable carnal appetites but somehow this version plays it far too safe and reserved.
The best thing on offer here is Colin Firth as Lord Henry Wotton, a kind of Mr Darcy gone over to the dark side, who initially revels in leading young Dorian astray. Firth plays his role with gusto and delivers some of the best lines with aplomb – for female readers though I have to relate the sad news that at no time does he get soaked whilst wearing his trademark white shirt.
Barnes does an ok job in the title role but never really convinces as a maverick libertine, he suffers from simply being too nice. Even when seducing a society matron while her young daughter (who he’d just finished deflowering) hides underneath the bed he looks more startled teen than smooth ladies man. He never looks very comfortable during the same sex clinches he explores in his debauched lifestyle either- really, there’s no pleasing some people!?

"For Narnia!! Oh, sorry, wrong film..."

So everything ticks along agreeably and it all looks rather nice but there’s nothing here to send shivers up your spine, least of all the infamous portrait which suffers from some distinctly lackluster CGI effects. It’s like the makers are a bit worried that it might frighten the audience too much so opt for a genteel generic zombie-lite painting.
My esteemed friend Matt Landsman who I saw this with (and who normally screams like a girl at horror films) made a really good point as we discussed this one – what Dorian Gray really needs is the Tim Burton treatment. That could have made this a classic film adaptation rather than the glossy vacuous and ironically soul-less effort that Parker delivers.
So Wilde’s tale still awaits a full blooded effort but thanks to this one we’ll probably never see it…

Darkmatters final rating of: öööööö (6 – neither terrible nor excellent)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 5 (weak on the action front)

Style 7 (there's some money been thrown at the look - but not enough)

Babes 7 (Rachel Hurd-Wood is yummy)

Comedy 6 (darkly funny in parts)

Horror 6 (not really scary enough)

Spiritual Enlightenment 4 (average morality tale)

Darkmatters Review: District 9

District 9 (15)

Dir. Neill Blomkamp - this is his first major film - see also CHAPPiE & Elysium

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (in a mixed crowd of humans and aliens in Stevenage)

ONE WORD SUMMATION: spicyprawncocktail

Attention human readers – please note some important details of how to interact with our current alien visitors.

1. When dealing with aliens, try to be polite, but firm. And always remember that a smile is cheaper than a bullet.

2. The aliens are not ‘prawns’ and it is offensive to call them such.

3. If you accidentally ingest any of the alien fuel, please report any changes to your body to authorities as soon as possible – we only want to help.

Thank you for your co-operation.

"surrender"

District 9 is a hot new sci-fi, a Peter ‘Lord of the Rings’ Jackson presentation no less. Director Neil Blomkamp (who Jackson picked to direct the ill fated ‘Halo’ movie) delivers a startlingly fresh slice of intergalactic race relations gone awry. It is 20 years you see since a massive alien spaceship parked mysteriously over Johannesburg, and since then the aliens or ‘prawns’ as we nickname them, have been housed in a slum like refugee camp called District 9 underneath.

We join pen pushing doormat Wikus Van De Merwe (Sharlto Copley) who works for Multi-National United (MNU) – a shady corporate security force - on the day he gets promoted to project manage the forceful relocation of the aliens from District 9.

"Mech me up"

It seems the camp has become a hive of scum and villainy and human / alien relations are becoming strained to breaking point. So far, so much of a sci-fi apartheid allegory but District 9 is far more then that. Whilst going about his job of serving eviction notices Wikus gets exposed to some alien fuel and begins to his horror to transform into one of the ‘prawns’.

This changes more than just his body – although there are suitably icky special effects as he undergoes a ‘Fly’ like metamorphosis. Teaming up with a prawn visitor called Christopher, who seems to have a hidden plan, can Wikus escape MNU who now want him as his DNA is key to unlocking the alien weaponry?

Speaking of which, I wonder if that alien Mech battle armour suit might come into play in a wonderful pulse pounding climatic battle?

District 9 is an excellent new addition to the sci-fi hall of fame, featuring smart, funny dialogue and packing some excellent action and special effects – this is the complete package.

"Highly recommended viewing for humans and aliens alike... "

Darkmatters final rating (out of 5)

of: ööööö (5 – original, excellent ideas backed up with stylish direction and tasty action)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 4 (I'm a sucker for Mech battle suits!)

Style 4 (has a unique look and feel all its own)

Comedy 4 (some great horror comedy elements)

Horror 4 (nasty body transformation!)

Spiritual Enlightenment 3 (respect should be intergalactic)

God of War one and two come to PS3 - oh yes!!

All Heaven Declares - God of War® Collection Announced for PS3

This just in from Sony Computer Entertainment America (SCEA):
A new and exclusive PlayStation®3 (PS3™) offering for the critically acclaimed God of War® franchise, God of War® Collection. Scheduled for release this holiday season, God of War Collection will feature reworked versions of both God of War® and God of War® II on a single Blu-ray Disc™ at full 1280 x 720 resolution. Both critically acclaimed games, which were originally developed for the PlayStation®2 computer entertainment system, have been remastered with anti-aliased graphics running at 60 frames per second for a smooth gameplay experience on the PS3 system. Additionally, the Blu-ray Disc compilation will bring PlayStation®Network (PSN) trophy support to the franchise for the first time (included for both games).

God of War was:
Set in the dark world of ancient Greek mythology, players take on the role of Kratos, a Spartan warrior. Plagued by the nightmares of his past, the ash covered warrior would do anything to be free of his debt to the Gods and the memories that haunt him. For ten years he has labored for Olympus, now on the verge of losing all hope, the Gods have given him one last task. Destroy Ares, the God of War. Armed with the deadly chained Blades of Chaos, Kratos will have to overcome armies of mythological monsters, legions of undead soldiers, and amazingly dangerous and brutal landscapes.

God of War II was like:
Kratos sits atop his Olympus throne, as the new God of War – far more ruthless than Ares ever was. To end his continued torment, Kratos must journey to the far reaches of the earth and defeat untold horrors and alter that which no mortal, or god has ever changed… his fate. God of War II sets an epic stage for a devastating mythological war to end all wars.

Here's the fun new PS3 adverts they are running in the US?

The Final Destination

The Final Destination 3D (15)

Dir. David R. Ellis - who previously brought you Snakes on a Plane and Final Destination 2

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (watched with a crowd of screaming teens)

ONE WORD SUMMATION: deathfatemirth

If you go down to the NASCAR today you better go in disguise, if you go down to the NASCAR today you’ll never believe your eyes… For every spectator that ever there was will soon be toast for certain because, today’s the day that death himself comes visiting…

So on what should have been a fun-filled day at the races, fresh faced Nick O'Bannon (Bobby Campo) takes his good looking pals to see some NASCAR action but everything changes when he has a horrific premonition. Through a freak sequence of events, multiple race cars crash and shower flaming debris into the stands killing both his friends and a select bunch of random stereotypes (a racist, an attractive all American mom, a good hearted security guard etc). An understandably panicked Nick persuades his super fit girlfriend, Lori (Shantel VanSanten), his friends Janet (Haley Webb) and Hunt (Nick Zano), plus the bunch of doomed stereotypes to leave...escaping seconds before Nick's vision becomes a terrible reality.

So having cheated death, and not having seen Final Destination 1 – 3, the group believe that they have been given a second chance of life, but no, actually they’ve all just volunteered to be bumped off in gruesome, imaginative ways for our viewing pleasure. The Final Destination films only really exist to show us nasty ways to die carried out on the big screen – now in full 3D. Take your pick from various impalings, getting diced by a wire fence, having a very bad time in a carwash or getting minced by escalators etc etc. It feels like the writers have as much fun setting up possible death scenarios as we audience do trying to guess how the next unfortunate is going to buy it.


"maybe taking the stairs would have been safer?"

Director David R. ‘Final Destination 2’ Ellis has form for this bad taste but lots of fun horror / comedy stuff and he embraces the 3D technology whole heartedly. No puncture wound, neck snap or blood splatter is carried out without at least something flying out towards the viewer. I saw at least a couple of people visibly duck or recoil as the special effects appeared to burst right off the screen.

The Final Destination is a pure disposable rollercoaster ride of thrills and spills. If you’ve a hankering to see good looking people meet grisly ends then step right up.


Darkmatters final rating of: ööö 1/2 (3.5 out of 5 – effective deaths in 3D... if that's what you want, that's what you get!)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 4 (suitably grim when it comes!)

Style 3 (dying never looked so good)

Babes 4 (Shantel VanSanten is a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model)

Comedy 3.5 (Nice dark humour)

Horror 4 (you'll cringe!)

Spiritual Enlightenment 4 (life you're life as if every moment was your last?)


Darkmatters review of Final Destination 3


"see Miss VanSanten 'doing' Tatu with Mischa Barton soon"

Darkmatters Review: Shorts

Shorts (PG)

Dir. Robert Rodriguez

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Robert ‘ Spy Kids’ Rodriguez is a director who bounces between making violent thrill-ride action flicks like Sin City and Planet Terror – and making fun fantasy kids movies that engage the imagination like Spy Kids and The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D.

Shorts is very much of his wacky ‘kids’ stable of films and is a chapter based tale, made up of five ‘shorts’ each telling a segment of the story from various points of view. Hero of the piece is Toe Thompson (Jimmy ‘young Kirk from Star Trek’ Bennett), he’s a loner geek who gets bullied mercilessly by his boss’s daughter Helvetica Black (Jolie Vanier). One day Toe come across a magical rock which can grant wishes and riotous chaos ensues…

There are an ensemble of adults placed like plot holders including – ‘Dr. Noseworthy’ (William H Macy) as a germ obsessed scientist, snarly bad guy ‘Mr Black’ (James Spader) and the awesomely attractive Kat Dennings as Toe’s big sister Stacey.


"not many kids were killed in the making of Shorts"

Shorts jumbles events and times into the wrong order to make the most of its fairly average ‘what if’ scenario of crazy wish fulfillment plot. My two ‘Spy Kids’ enjoyed this madcap romp which sees Rodreguez writing /producing/editing and even FX supervising. My wife wasn’t quite as impressed, somehow managing to fall asleep towards the end!?


"deathmatch - kids versus booger"

Sure – it’s not his best kids film to date but it is inventive and packed with slapstick madness that you simply won’t find anywhere else e.g. a giant boogey monster, a crocodile army and transformer style block robot to name but a few.

Darkmatters final rating of: ööööööö (7 – hyperactive storytelling, crazy special effects and Kat Dennings too!)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 6 (kooky odd action – don’t drink too much soda before watching…)

Style 8 (wackovision to the max)

Babes 8 (Kat Dennings, mmmmmmmm)

Comedy 7 (lots of fun)

Horror 5 (not too grim)

Spiritual Enlightenment 6 (there’s a moral in there somewhere)


"Kat Dennings - great actress - she's got a lot of front!"

Darkmatters hits half a million readers!

Darkmatters has today tripped the 500,000 visitors counter...

We hope you enjoyed your visit, let us know!!

To celebrate here are some random things Darkmatters like:


"Strange films!"


"Actresses like Emma Watson - surely a superhero movie next for her?"


"PS3 - have you preordered your 'slim' yet?"


"Graphic Novels... wait till you read the graphic novel adaptation of Darkmatters!"


"Babes like the lovely Alexis Bledel"


"Tottenham Hotspur (Top of the Premier League today 23 Aug 2009)"


"Film reviews..."

cheers

Darkmatters Review: Inglorious Basterds

Inglourious Basterds (18)

Dir. Quentin Tarantino

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“My name is Lt. Aldo Raine and I need me eight soldiers. We're gonna be dropped into France, dressed as civilians. We're gonna be doing one thing and one thing only... killing Nazis!”

Nazi occupied France is the setting for this blood splattered tale of revenge – told in full riotous energetic ‘Tarantino-Vision.’ There are plots at intertwined here – firstly is that of a young Jewish refugee Shosanna Dreyfus (Mélanie ‘The Beat That My Heart Skipped’ Laurent) who witnesses her family being exterminated by slimy SS Colonel Hans Landa (a fantastic Christoph Waltz) who is known as the “Jew Hunter”. Several years later Dreyfus is given the chance to avenge her family when the Nazi high command decide to host the premiere of their new war propaganda movie at the cinema she now runs. With the promise of every major Nazi officer in attendance, the screening also becomes the target of a British plan to blow the place up and this brings in the "Basterds", a ruthless group of Jewish-American guerrilla soldiers led by the slightly insane Lt. Aldo Raine.

The chapters build up to the fateful night which sees Raine (Brad Pitt on larger than life form) and his men trying to blow up the cinema unaware that Dreyfus has a similar plan. As news filters through that Hitler himself is planning to attend – the outcome of the whole war could be decided on one evening – obviously Tarantino is playing fast and loose with history here.

All the cast deliver the goods, Diane ‘National Treasure’ Kruger and Mélanie Laurent provide the wartime eye-candy, whilst long term Tarantino pal Eli Roth provides some great comic moments and Michael ‘Eden Lake’ Fassbender is perfect as Brit agent Lt. Archie Hicox.


"revenge on her mind..."

Inglorious Basterds delivers everything we’ve come to expect from the self confessed ‘cine-nerd-lord’ Tarantino – stirring brutal violence, arrogantly overblown dialogue, cool but naïvely over the top scenes staged to perfection. It’s a madcap clash of harrowing evil, laugh out loud dark comedy and simplistic storytelling – and it works a treat.

Sure Tarantino’s war effort is chock full of references (and blatant rip offs) from pretty much every influential Second World War movie you’d care to name, but he only picks the good bits, so Inglorious Basterds ends up being a seismic home run of viewing pleasure.

Darkmatters final rating of: ööööööööö (9 – WWII gets a rip roaring, blood soaked make over)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 8 (nasty, stylish - exactly what you want!)

Style 8 (the Taratino factor is strong in this one...)

Babes 7 (Mélanie Laurent is yummy, - so is Diane Kruger)

Comedy 7 (dark comic moments throughout)

Horror 8 (war is hell...)

Spiritual Enlightenment 5 (The Nazis had it coming!)


"Kruger trying some interesting fashion..."


"Zut alors... Mélanie Laurent!?"

Darkmatters Review: Antichrist

Antichrist (18)

Dir. Lars von Trier

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

You hear the one about the deer, the fox and the crow – creatures in the service of Satan’s Church or ‘Nature’ whose dominion is chaos and whose way is sexual guilt? No? Well if you venture past the extreme hype and reaction of the critics, the cries of horror from the media *cough Daily Mail cough* and the reactionary masses who like to throw stones without actually seeing the film itself… step into the freaky, gorgeously shot, heavily psychoanalytic Antichrist – as a Christian I simply could not pass up the opportunity to see a film with such an intriguing title!?

Before I go on - I feel compelled to reprint what the esteemed (if utterly blinkered)
Christopher Hart, writing for the Daily Mail says:

"You do not need to see Lars von Trier's Antichrist (which is released later this week) to know how revolting it is.

I haven't seen it myself, nor shall I - and I speak as a broad-minded arts critic, strongly libertarian in tendency. But merely reading about Antichrist is stomach-turning, and enough to form a judgment."

If that's true then potentially you'll never need to see another film in your life... just read the reviews and be happy with that!? Anyway, back to the "sick, pretentious trash, fully confirming our jihadist enemies' view of us as a society in the last stages of corruption and decay." Read his whole rant here...

Lars von Trier is the complex Danish director of Dancer in the Dark and Dogville – self proclaimed ‘Greatest film director in the world’… His latest film is a strange emotionally charged dive through the looking-glass into a feminine universe of victimization, guilt and sexual energy, dressed up in the trappings of a body shock horror mixed with slow burning character interaction and deep exploration of trauma.

Willem Dafoe gets to flash his knob and generally feel the wrath of mentally unhinged femininity after he and his wife lose their child through a tragic accident (a startling prologue shot in black and white, which runs in slow motion and shows the couple engaged in non simulated sex whilst their young boy climbs out of their window and falls to his death). Did the wife (Charlotte Gainsbourg) see the child putting himself in peril but was too engrossed in her orgasm to bother to save him? That’s what it seems to be saying… Is she crazy? Uncaring? Murderous even? Yes this is strong stuff and it is not subtly told. It is engaging and highly thought provoking though.

Nature is actually one of the main characters here, with the aforementioned deer symbolising fertility mixed with death (the clue is her dead young bambi hanging from her vulva): the fox symbolising lucidity and tasked with warning of the rule of chaos - "CHAOS RULES!" he shouts at one point; and then there’s the crow, potentially riffing on the regeneration mythos of The Crow (great film) transfiguring death through decomposition and stubborn clinging to life.



The film unfolds in a series of titled chapters – ‘Grief’ is the first and follows the crushing repercussions of the parents trying (and failing in her case) to come to terms with the grief. Fortunately, or not so actually, the father is a psychotherapist who wants to try his hand at therapy on his wife… Not necessarily a good idea…

This leads to the chapter – ‘Pain’ (Chaos Reigns) where go back to the cabin in the woods where she went to write her thesis on the way that the church has traditionally victimised women – especially those who they deemed overly sexual or powerful (witches?).

The chapters – ‘Despair’ (Gynocide) and – ‘The Three Beggars’ wrap up this veritable freak show in a swirling descent into madness with graphic violence. You’ll squirm, you’ll cringe and possibly like one viewer in the screening I saw this at shout “You’ve got to be F88king joking!” This isn’t a feel good or easy film to watch – most of what you might have heard about the self mutilation and general hardcore grimness is warranted, is it overkill? Is the director simply trying to see how far you can go on screen? Quite possibly…

Perhaps reading The Three Beggars, by William Butler Yeats (1865-1939), in full will help your comprehension of the film – so here it is:

"Though to my feathers in the wet,
I have stood here from break of day.
I have not found a thing to eat,
For only rubbish comes my way.
Am I to live on lebeen-lone?'
Muttered the old crane of Gort.
"For all my pains on lebeen-lone?'

King Guaire walked amid his court
The palace-yard and river-side
And there to three old beggars said,
"You that have wandered far and wide
Can ravel out what's in my head.
Do men who least desire get most,
Or get the most who most desire?'
A beggar said, "They get the most
Whom man or devil cannot tire,
And what could make their muscles taut
Unless desire had made them so?'
But Guaire laughed with secret thought,
"If that be true as it seems true,
One of you three is a rich man,
For he shall have a thousand pounds
Who is first asleep, if but he can
Sleep before the third noon sounds."
And thereon, merry as a bird
With his old thoughts, King Guaire went
From river-side and palace-yard
And left them to their argument.
"And if I win,' one beggar said,
'Though I am old I shall persuade
A pretty girl to share my bed';
The second: "I shall learn a trade';
The third: "I'll hurry' to the course
Among the other gentlemen,
And lay it all upon a horse';
The second: "I have thought again:
A farmer has more dignity.'
One to another sighed and cried:
The exorbitant dreams of beggary.
That idleness had borne to pride,
Sang through their teeth from noon to noon;
And when the sccond twilight brought
The frenzy of the beggars' moon
None closed his blood-shot eyes but sought
To keep his fellows from their sleep;
All shouted till their anger grew
And they were whirling in a heap.

They mauled and bit the whole night through;
They mauled and bit till the day shone;
They mauled and bit through all that day
And till another night had gone,
Or if they made a moment's stay
They sat upon their heels to rail,,
And when old Guaire came and stood
Before the three to end this tale,
They were commingling lice and blood
"Time's up,' he cried, and all the three
With blood-shot eyes upon him stared.
"Time's up,' he eried, and all the three
Fell down upon the dust and snored.

`Maybe I shall be lucky yet,
Now they are silent,' said the crane.
`Though to my feathers in the wet
I've stood as I were made of stone
And seen the rubbish run about,
It's certain there are trout somewhere
And maybe I shall take a trout
but I do not seem to care.'

- or not…


Darkmatters final rating of: öööööööö (8 – weird and almost wonderful but very shocking and not for the faint of heart!)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 6 (you'll hide the scissors… from any women in your life)

Style 8 (supremely stylish horror, a thinking person’s Hostel?)

Babes 6 (Gainsborough is the same age as my wife – but not as hot!)

Comedy 6 (you might laugh but you’ll doubt your sanity soon after)

Horror 9 (deeply unpleasant things await)

Spiritual Enlightenment -9 (like a vacuum for the soul)

Darkmatters Review: Moon

Moon (15)

Dir. Duncan Jones

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Welcome to the Helium 3 solar energy harvesting mining complex on the moon – it’s literally “The last place you'd ever expect to find yourself”…

Moon is an amazing head trip from director Duncan Jones – also known as ‘Zowie Bowie’ yes, son of Major Tom himself David. In the near future earth's energy requirements have been solved thanks to the miracle of Helium 3, basically solar energy absorbed by moon rocks and sitting there waiting for us to mine it and send it back to earth.

Sam Bell (Sam ‘The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford’ Rockwell), is the lone miner serving his three year shift alone in the Lunar Industries mining complex that is pretty much completely automated. With just a couple of weeks left before he can return home to his foxy wife (Dominique ‘Dark Floors’ McElligott) and his daughter Eve (Kaya ‘Effy from Skins’ Scodelario). Sam’s only company in the moon complex is GERTY a HAL-like computer that has an emoticon – smiley face / sad face screen and larger robot arm… GERTY (voiced to perfection by Kevin Spacey) is programmed to protect and look after Sam, but he begins to suspect that all is not what it seems after things take a drastic turn when he has an accident…


"one small drive for man..."

The Clint ‘former lead singer of PWEI’ Mansell melancholy soundtrack works with some truly inspired visuals to create a captivating mood of pervading pensiveness. This is backed up by a slow burning and understatedly intelligent script that goes more for a build up of hypertension rather than bang-whizz jump from your seat shocks.

The special effects work well too, putting to shame many bigger budget sci-fi efforts, Moon’s closest space based companion film from the last decade for me was the Danny Boyle’s excellent ‘Sunshine’.

I won’t go into any details of the plot as Moon is a film best enjoyed without knowing too much about it… All I will say is that despite the slow pace and lack of traditional ‘action’, Moon still blew me away, there were echoes of one of my favourite sci-fi films Peter Hyams’ ‘Outland’ at times as a countdown to arrival mechanism comes into play…

Sam Rockwell is gives a great performance as a man driven over the edge by forces he cannot contemplate – I urge you check this out as it is certainly one of the top ten best films of 2009!

Darkmatters final rating of: ööööööööö (9 – in space nobody will hear your jaw drop…)

Darkmatters quick reference guide:

Action 6 (just enough and perfect when it happens)

Style 9 (ground control to Major Tom, love the look of your film!)

Babes 6 (there are babes but not in the flesh)

Comedy 6 (limited by some nice comic moments)

Horror 7 (psychological)

Spiritual Enlightenment 8 (would you get on with yourself?)

Sony launch the sexy PS3 'Slim'

"Time to trade in that Xbox?"

Darkmatters loves the new PS3

God bless Sony, in the manner of PSOne and PSTwo - they have today announced a new sleeker, smaller PS3... So for less that £250 you can now take home a Blu-ray playing, wifi enabled, 120gb Hard Drive equipped PlayStation 3...

Launches on 04 September, just in time for Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, FIFA 10, Final Fantasy XIII, Uncharted 2: Among Thieves, Tekken 6, and Gran Turismo 5...
"Thinner, quieter - oh and cheaper!"

Buys yours here: PREORDER

"If the PS3 was a woman - she'd no doubt be Darkmatters favourite Amber Heard!"


"If still hankering for a 'Phat' PS3, be sure to pick up one of these that come with a 'free bible'... it's the Lord's will!"