Darkmatters: Killzone 3 Review

Killzone 3 (18) PS3 Exclusive

Developed by Guerrilla Games

Published by SCEE

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

We brave PS3 gamers have fought the Helghast and using the ISA marines pushed into their homeworld thanks to Killzone 2…

Now even with their evil leader ‘Visari’ taken down, we find that the war is far from over…

The Helghast forces are not beaten and are mounting a devastating counter-attack, the few remaining ISA are being pushed back to the point we must evacuate the planet of Helghan.

But if we have to go… let’s go in fine style and take as many of the enemy as possible with us – lock and load soldier!!

"don't shoot until you see the reds of their eyes"

Ok, so there isn’t exactly a shortage of fine First Person Shooter games, Call of Duty and Modern Warfare are mass selling master-classes of the genre, Battlefield Bad Company 2 brought tasty destruction of the environment into play. Medal of Honor got revamped with extra beards, Halo Reach continued its classy sci-fi warfare and newcomer Bulletstorm raised the level of insanity with ‘skill kills’. But as we wait for the promising looking Crysis 2 and the potential game of the year Battlefield 3 ...

There is only one game you need…

Just what can Killzone 3 bring to this overcrowded orgy of destruction then? Well, how about the best and most satisfying online multiplayer frag fest to date, a unique and brilliant motion control method through the Move and by far the richest FPS graphics to grace any console… That’s what I’m talking about… Bring it!!

Killzone 2 was graphically superb but Killzone 3 surpasses it on every level – the levels range from article snowfields which boast the best incidental ‘snow effects’ of any game available through to steamy alien jungles. The industrial Helgan cities and bases return and have been brought to even more vivid life than in the previous games. Both the orange eye Helghast and the macho jock ISA characters are excellent with gorgeous detailing (the feeling of satisfaction when you shoot a Helghast’s helmet off and he turn round to frantically try and find it is immense).

Killzone 3 packs a mighty surround sound punch too – the fear inducing explosions rip from all directions, the screams of the injured and the barked orders of friends and foes echo convincingly around the beautiful battlefields. This game has quality voice casting also with screen legend Malcolm McDowell voicing evil Jordan Stahl and British legend Ray Winstone voicing Helghast Admiral Orlock. Having actors of this magnitude lends the cinematic cut scenes massive watchability and it is a joy to watch the baddie commanders squabbling amongst themselves in the power vacuum left by Visari.

I mentioned that Killzone 3 can be played in two ways – the trusty Dualshock 3 can be used with a Call of Duty button set up which will please fans of those shooters. The new way to play though is through the funky Playstation Move – this uses the glowing light ended controller to ‘look around / fire’ and the nav controller to move. For the most realistic control system out there you’ll want to invest in the sharpshooter peripheral which fits both the two Move controllers into a shotgun / rifle style rig (complete with pump action reloading). It’s just beautiful… Once you acclimatise to set up many have reported getting much better kill / death ratios with the Move controls!?

The main game campaign can be played in either single player mode or through co-op – very satisfying it is too working with a human pal to take down the enemy. It’s good but the campaign is only part of the Killzone 3 package and it’s not even the best part. The online multiplayer mode is where the real fun is to be had – refined and polished from the Killzone 2 online there are a decent choice of game modes including Guerrilla (Team Deathmatch), Warzone (which cycles through different objective based games) and a brilliant ‘Bot Zone’ where you can hone you skills against the A.I. opponents.

Kills and feats will give you points to spend on new abilities and weapons – and the upgrades are very very tasty so it is worth going for them as the gameplay just gets better with each new weapon or skill e.g. the sniper ‘Marksman’ can unlock a powerful Machine Pistol as a secondary weapon which has a ferocious rate of fire…

Overall Killzone 3 is delicious, addictive multiplayer deathmatch perfection… And if you have a 3D TV, this game will show it off like nothing else around. Every gamer on planet earth who has ever enjoyed a shooting game should witness the sheer brilliant carnage that Killzone 3 delivers – there is no substitute!!

"David Cameron's recreation mask"

Out of a potential 5 you have to go with a Darkmatters:

ööööö

(5 - Awesome shock and awe)...

Previous love for Killzone 3 on Darkmatters:
 
Trailer
 
Kevin Butler Advert
 

"If Killzone 3 was a woman in would be Emma Watson"

You can also read this review over at funky Irish site FRANK THE MONKEY

Darkmatters Review: Unstoppable

Unstoppable (12a)

Dir. Tony Scott

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Attention travellers we are sorry to announce that the train on platform 3 is unmanned, out of control and carrying a dangerous payload of highly explosive chemicals. We apologise for any inconvenience this might cause but hey, let’s look on the bright side, it makes for awesome cinema!!
Nobody does macho action films quite like Tony ‘Top Gun’ Scott and Unstoppable sees the high velocity loving director let loose with a massive train set, backed up with helicopters, cop cars and explosions – lots of explosions… Denzel Washington brings his class to the lead role of Frank – a world weary engineer tasked with training newbie conductor Will (Chris ‘Kirk from Star Trek’ Pine) who is having women trouble.

These two decent chaps get caught up in this "inspired by true events" tale where an unmanned runaway train is out of control in southern Pennsylvania and threatening to derail in a highly populated area – killing thousands.

The simple ‘men versus machine’ plot serves the film well and allows for lots of macho posturing as the train bosses fret over how much their stocks will be hit if the train crashes while the heroic dynamic duo frantically try and bring the beast of the train under control.

It couldn’t be more formulaic but Scott knows how to build up the suspense and uses his whizz bang filming style to frame the speeding unmanned locomotive 777 as some kind of evil entity hungry for destruction.

"The chance would be a fine thing - given the delays facing UK commuters at the moment"

Train control room operator Connie (Rosario Dawson) is on hand to fret as the runaway train finds itself on a head to head course with various hazards including a trainload of innocent schoolchildren… You couldn’t make this stuff up… The supporting cast include Frank’s two unfeasibly attractive daughters who happen to work in ‘Hooters’ which gives them an excuse to spend the whole film in hot pants and tight t-shirts whilst looking concerned at the news coverage of their brave dad. Not to be outdone though Will has a smokin’ hot blonde wife who’s unhappy with him do to his suspecting her of infidelity – although maybe his ‘day-saving’ actions might win her round?

Unstoppable sure is stupid and shallow but it is also, unbelievably, the most fun you’re likely to have in the cinema this autumn. With dialogue like: “This is Will Coalson your conductor speaking, we are gonna run this bitch down.”

All aboard for a pleasingly edge of your seat white knuckle ride - book your tickets ASAP and hold on tight!

UNSEEN DELETED SCENE:

The Road Train from 'Road Train' turns up and goes head to head with the 777 from Unstoppable in the ultimate game of 'chicken' not realising that there's no way the 777 can turn off the tracks!? It gets very messy!

Darkmatters rating: öööööööö (8 unstoppable sex machines out of 10)

Darkmatters quick reference guide: Action 8 / Style 7 / Babes 7 / Comedy 6 / Horror / Spiritual Enlightenment 2

Film Review - Transporter 3

Transporter 3 (15)

Dir. Olivier Megaton

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Vroom vroom crash bang wallop… Frank ‘the transporter’ Martin (Jason Statham) is back in the third all driving, all fighting , all macho nonsense Transporter sequel, delivering crazy car chase action that makes the Top Gear chaps look like a bunch of Sunday drivers.
To date the Transporter movies have been slick, brainless, breathless action flicks – so can the momentum be maintained for another high octane trip or is the franchise finally running out of fuel?
Alas, the smooth - and I don’t just mean his bald head - Statham is hamstrung in this latest outing by the fact that we’ve just about everything on offer here before, and it was better last time... The set up is achingly familiar, dubious characters hire Frank to drive a package somewhere at high speed, there’s an obligatory hot female (Natalya Rudakova) along for the ride and a host of baddies who’ll try and stop him.
Unfortunately no amount of Audis jumping onto moving trains, mass brawl fist fights or proximity bombs attached to body organs can overcome the crunching law of diminishing returns which bites hard here. Transporter 3 somehow manages to be stupid in the extreme and yet still take itself far too seriously. Writer-producers Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen seem content to serve up mildly reheated plot leftovers that not even Statham’s patented Bruce-Willis-alike smirk can make watchable.
New director Olivier Megaton couldn’t be less aptly named as Transporter 3 barely raises the pulse rate and delivers nothing very explosive. Also new is rubbish baddie named Johnson (Knepper) – a strong last minute entrant to nab the ‘weakest villain of the year’ award from that unthreatening bloke from Quantum of Solace. The dastardly plot is something about blackmail grubbiness to do with environmental policies and shiploads of toxic rubbish, which serves as an unfortunate but workable analogy for the film as a whole. One old face is back on duty but with very little to do except spout obvious plot observations and indulge in an odd spot of fishing with his unlikely pal Frank is Detective Tarconi (François Berléand), he really shouldn’t have bothered.
If a Transporter 4 is even being considered, we can only hope that it’s some kind of cross over where Jason Bourne, James Bond, John McClane and Frank Martin are pitted in a fight to death to see who is the hardest action hero… I’d pay to see that.

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööö (5)

+ Averagely engaging

Tasty Action: öööööö (6)

+ Needed more polish, and new stuff...

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööö (6)

+ Natalya Rudakova is a bit freckly for my liking!?

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööööö (6)

+ No thinking required...

Comedic Value: ööööööö (7)

+ Best line... "are you 'the gay'?"... very amusing.

Arbitrary final rating: öööööö (5.5)

Fine but weakest of the series so far

Liable to make you:

"drive very fast on the way home"

DM Poster Quote:

"Choose life, choose Audi "

Film Review - Max Payne

Max Payne (15)

Dir. John Moore

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Max Payne says: “I don’t believe in Heaven, I believe in Pain…”

Video game to big screen adaptations are invariably hit or miss affairs, critics tend to hate them, fans of the game get upset if plot details are changed and even the actors rarely seem to ‘get’ the character they are playing… Having been an avid gamer since the days of Pong and ZX Spectrum, and having played and enjoyed both Max Payne (on PS2) and the follow up (on PC) I was really hoping that the filmmakers and Mark Wahlberg would do Max justice.

The Max Payne games were multiformat cult classic run and gun mysteries that implemented an impressive ‘bullet-time’ slow down (as opposed to frame rate drop) which was completely borrowed from The Matrix but worked so well that it never failed to put a massive grin on my face when I’d kick open a door, and shotgun blast each of the adversaries before they’d even had time to draw their weapons. Oh and there was a dose of Norse mythology fused into the noir detective storyline that made it much more interesting than a simple shoot-em-up.

Twentieth Century Fox picked John Moore (who already has a debt to Satan for making The Omen ’06 so average) to direct the film; he’s a guy who adheres to the ‘style over substance’ school of film making and that is how he tackles Max Payne. The hard-boiled noir look of the film is a stunning achievement – hypnotic hyper-stylised snow swirls in a constant poetic backdrop, the city is a wonderful bleak metropolis a la Sin City and Wahlberg’s constipated frown is a dead ringer for the videogame Payne. Production values are high across the board and even the slightly wacky hallucinogenic visions of Norse Valkyrie demons are rendered effectively. Then there are the babes, sultry but bad ass assassin Mona Sax (Mila Kunis), and a sizzling cameo by new Bond girl Olga Kurylenko who wears a mean red dress (and seems to have a thing for videogame movies as she was in Hitman last year). So far, so good…

But there’s always a downside and here it’s the plot which brings the payne (sorry). The movie is a mish mash mostly ripped straigh from the game and then padded out, remixed and jubbled togther without much care for consistency or dramatic endeavor. We find Max struggling with his guilt and rage over the death of his wife and child at the hands of drug addicted scumbags. Three years he’s been hunting the killer and now an outbreak of grissly murders looks to be linked to his family’s deaths. The join the dots linkages between scenes are liable to insult even the most retarded of teen gamers but at least there’s the tasty gun action right? Sure, there is some and when it eventually kicks off it looks very good – even working in some effective bullet-time moments, but it feels slightly muted and overly sanitised which goes against everything the original games stood for. I can see that the studio wants to make this available to as wider audience as possible (in the US it got a PG13 rating) but when trying to stand alongside similar ‘feel’ movies such as Sin City or The Crow, Payne wimps out. Maybe if the audience had been dosed up with the film’s experimental performance enhancing drug called Valkyr – they might have gotten into it more?

The cast are average at best, Beau Bridges hams up his role of Payne’s former partner like his family will be killed if he in any way manages to look convincing, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges shows that he should stick to rapping as he sleepwalks around looking confused and Chris O’Donnell, Donal Logue, and even Nelly Furtado round off the oddball assmebled ‘talent’.
You know you’re in trouble when two nameless junkies get some of the best lines e.g.:

Junkie 1: Hey man, see that dude with the watch? Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Junkie 2: He could tell us what time it is?

Junkie 1: No you idiot! We could steal the watch, sell it, and get more drugs!

Junkie 2: That's a brilliant plan! I have a gun!

Junkie 3: Man, what if he has a gun too?

Junkie 1: You idiot, law-abiding citizens aren't allowed to have guns here! How do you think we'd survive if they did?

Junkie 2: Let's go f**k this guy up!

Screenwriter Beau Thorne doesn’t seem to know quite how to bring all elements together effectively, so he sacrifices coherence *cough side kick just happens to turn up and save Payne’s ass twenty stories up in a secure corporate tower? Huh? *cough and hopes that nobody is paying enough attention to notice.

Yes the Max Payne movie is slick and good looking, and is so nearly a great blast of crime mystery peppered with some decent fights but it trips itself up and in the end probably won’t please enough people to warrant a sequel. If you do find yourself buying into this, there’s a tease for a possible follow up after the end credits (but even this is in not in the same league as Iron Man’s Nick Fury post credit introduction).

My biggest problem with the fim version when compared to the game though is that for a climactic showdown, the ‘end boss’ is simply no challenge, whereas anyone who has played the game will attest otherwise!? The usual action movie double standards are writ large when Payne can take a point blank clip of semi-automatic machine gun to the chest whereas the enemy falls to an unsatisfying single round.

If you’re prepared to let a fairly dull plot wash over you whilst you enjoy the visual stylings and occasional flash of action then step right up, otherwise Payne is simply going to be another ‘failed’ videogame adaptation. Perhaps a PS3 Max Payne 3 might redress the balance because it would be a shame for the film to have taken Max to a watery grave…

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööö (6)

+ Norse mythos helps a bit

Tasty Action: öööööö (6)

+ The action is cool but very sparse!

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)

+ Mona Sax and Olga Kurylenko are suitably hot

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööööö (6)

- Why so slow and ponderous?? WHY???

Comedic Value: ööööö (5)

- limited wise cracking

Arbitrary final rating: öööööö (6)

I'm a sucker for cool stylish noir films but Payne only just passes muster

Liable to make you:

"get a Norse tattoo or go back and play the games again"

DM Poster Quote:

“Bring the Payne!?"

Film Review - Quantum of Solace

Quantum of Solace (12a)

Dir. Marc Forster

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Ah Mr Bond… I’ve been expecting you.

If you’ve come looking for a small degree of comfort, which is what ‘Quantum of Solace’ means, then you’ve come to the wrong place.

Heavy duty action is the name of the game this time as Bond blasts back onto the big screen. Licensed to kill the global box office, the smooth British Agent has already set a UK opening day all time record by taking almost £5million (nearly double what Casino Royale opened with in case you were wondering). But is Daniel Craig’s second tour of duty in the swath tuxedo twice as good as his first?

Unfortunately not, new Bond director Marc ‘Finding Neverland’ Forster sticks with the ‘Bourne’ again gritty gadget-less vibe from Casino Royale but seems to have surgically removed any trace of human emotion. Craig does a good grumpy vengeful force of nature Bond who shoots first and asks questions later – when the minimalist script lets him. Still immensely ticked off at the untimely death of his girlfriend Vesper (Eva Green), Bond gets up M’s (Judi Dench) nose but stumbling across a secret powerful criminal organisation and then killing as many of them as he can.

My Bond girl wife wasn’t impressed, stating that it was all just one action scene strung to another and that the overall experience was dull. As a Bond fan, I wouldn’t go that far, but I have to admit that Quantum of Solace does feel soulless. It’s all very action packed, stylish and looks jolly good but the villain of the piece Dominic Greene (Mathieu Amalric) is a bit duff and just not menacing enough.

Quantum of Solace scores point for its cool cars, jet set globe trotting and foxy females (Olga Kurylenko and Gemma Arterton) but a boys own adventure like this shouldn’t leave an audience feeling mostly underwhelmed.

As M says at one point: “I think you're so blinded by inconsolable rage that you don't care who you hurt. When you can't tell your friends from your enemies, it's time to go…” She could well have been talking to the film makers!?

I imagine that Bond will be back to finish off what could make a decent if not classic Bond trilogy story arc but let’s just hope 007 raises his game in the next one.

"Bond - licensed to tickle your back with his nose..."

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööö (7)

+ You might not be shaken or stirred, but it's good enough

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)

+ Cars, planes, boats, big baddie solar powered bases? yep!

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)

+ Olga Kurylenko and Gemma Arterton are babelicious

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)

+ The shortest Bond film yet, zips along nicely

Comedic Value: ööööö (5)

+ Very few smirks raised

Arbitrary final rating: öööööö (6)

I'm a fan so willing to lap up Bond action and not worry too much about the plot - you might not be so forgiving!?

Liable to make you:

"Want to shoot the script writers and launch a covert mission to get Bond's gadgets back..."

DM Poster Quote:

“Shoot them all and let God sort them out..."


"Olga Kurylenko - mmmmmmmmm"

Darkmatters review of Casino Royale: http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2006/11/casino-royale-review-best-bond-ever.html

Film Review - Death Race

Death Race (15)

Dir. Paul W.S. Anderson

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Gentlemen… Start your engines!

You join us live from the 2012 Grand Prix – the drivers are just taking the first corner… oh my goodness, one has just blown up, another is getting out of his car and beating the living daylights out of a competitor and a third is firing two heavy duty machine guns into the back of an opponent – what is Lewis Hamilton thinking?

Welcome to a whole new way of racing, this is racing enriched with serious weaponry and hot female co-drivers. As my esteemed friend I’m joined in the bullet proof commentary box tonight by John ‘Ford Focus – there’s no substitute’ Richardson what are you thinking? "This film makes boy racers look like feeble Sunday drivers"…
We’re talking insane bloodlust, speed and carnage (with the emphasis on the ‘car’)!?
Back to John: "whatever you do...DON'T get out of the car!"
He’s got a point too as in Deathrace the only place more dangerous than being in one of the modified muscle cars on the track is being outside of on the of the modified muscle cars on the track… It’s enough to give the Green Cross Code man a hernia just watching!
Final word from John: "I'd like to see how the lollypop lady handles this kind of traffic!" Yes, me too, it’s much more carmageddon than the school run…

So – is this the film for you? Well, if the thought of the director of Resident Evil updating the camp B-movie nasty Death Race 2000and resetting it in a prison where the prize on offer for wining the race is freedom but when they say there’s no point for second place, that’s because the person in second place is probably dead!
It’s a future where crazed inmates compete to the death live on TV pay-per-view and millions of viewers tune in to see newly convicted Jensen Ames (Statham) - framed for murdering his wife – take on the mantel of legendary masked racer ‘Frankenstein’.

Ian McShane is on hand to add a spot of reflection as Ames’ team Coach (who likes Death Racing so much he’s stayed on in prison after his sentence) and there’s obligatory babe action from Natalie Martinez as his co-driver, who comes equipped with her own set of impressive airbags (see below).


"Martinez - co-pilot of your dreams..."

Snippet of plot taster from evil Warden Hennessey (Joan ‘Bourne’ Allen): “the fans call Frankenstein. A man so disfigured by crashes that he's forced to wear a mask. His return to the track is highly anticipated, and therein lies my problem. No one knows yet, but poor Frank died on an operating table not long after his last race. Anyone can wear the mask, but not just anyone can drive the car. You have the skills required to keep the legend alive. I want you to become Frankenstein. The chances are good. I'm offering you your freedom, Mr. Ames. If it's not worth risking your life for, what is?”

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööö (6)
+ Disengage brain for best results!

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)
+ Broom broom bang…

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
+ Martinez is pure eye candy

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)
+ Stupid and proud

Comedic Value: öööööö (6)
+ Some funnies- look out for the pre death subtitle of 14k

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööö (8)
If you like violent action and cars you 'Auto' like this alot!!

Liable to make you:
"pull doughnuts in the carpark - whatever you drive"

DM Poster Quote:
“when I hit the dashboard I'd like you to launch the Model 7 Russian Armory, armor piercing, self arming missiles!"

Not everyone will like this... here's proof: http://chriscurtis.typepad.com/weblog/2008/08/death-race.html

In fact - one of best pals Mike - whose opinion I value above most had this to say...

"Man, I can't believe you gave the unbelievably bad Death Race 8 out of 10, were you high? Or drunk out of your mind?

I dragged four people along to see that sorry piece of sh*t and now they all hate me, and you.

Of course it won't affect our friendship, you have enough in the bank with me to withstand a much harder kick in the teeth than this, but your film review standing has slid down the league table to somewhere below the hit-and-miss Jonathan Woss and only above The Sun's 'The Sneak' on goal difference.

Your 'if Matt likes it I'll like it' licence has been revoked, and replaced with 'take it under advisement' status.Talk of the devil, just got a text from you. Yes, you are right, I didn't expect intellectual or poetic genius that would stir the soul from Death Race. What I did hope for; a half decent plot or back story on which to hang the action, some characters I even gave a tagnut of a sh*t for, or even just some characters, tasty high octane four wheeled action sequences that got my blood pumping and not this pedestrian limp rubbish which continually drained the pace with pointless cut-aways to the warden smiling or scowling (about as scary as the ghost train ride on Brighton Pier) or Lovejoy looking like he was passing kidney stones.

I hoped for some humour, some classy one-liners and some clever twists; the film could only muster a bucketful of turgid ancient cliches, delivered by apologetic performances. At one point near the end of this painfully long B-road car journey one of the black posse looks straght into the camera and says 'this is bad.' Most of the audience agreed wholeheartedly, one man sitting behind me nearly choking on his coke as the moment delivered some much needed entertainment. I guess I shouldn't have expected more from the director who spewed forth such vomitus as Alien vs Predator, Soldier, and Mortal Kombat but he did do the Resident Evil trilogy which I do rather like. The only good bits were the TV coverage footage and that would account for less than a minute of the film. In summary, I thought this film was one of the worst I've ever endured, it sucked the sweat off a dead man's balls."

Ouch... so there you at least have an alternative view to um, add balance?


"Mike is the one of the left..."

But I still kind of liked Deathrace - which is just plain odd.

Film Review - Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

Hellboy II: The Golden Army (12a)

Dir. Guillermo del Toro

Reviewed by Matt Adcock (@cleric20)

Q: What’s big, red, comes from hell but might just be our only hope?
A: Hellboy…

Yes, the butt kicking demon next door who’s renounced his evil allegiance is back on the big screen. ‘Big red’ as he’s affectionately referred to is part of the weird but effective undercover U.S. Government Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defence (these oddball creatures take on the cases that not even Moulder and Scully can deal with).

In this follow up to 2004’s Hellboy, Ron Perlman returns in his signature title role along with fishy empathy Abe Sapien (Doug ‘Pale Man in Pan’s Labyrinth’ Jones) and Liz Sherman (Selma Blair – who when I say is ‘hot’ I mean literally as she’s got the gift of pyrokinesis!). This time the team are up against Luke Goss (yes from defunct boy band Bros) who plays Prince Nuada, an elf noble who seeks to awaken an unstoppable mechanical golden army and wipe out us humans. His sister, Princess Nuala however is less keen on clockwork genocide and seeks assistance from Hellboy. The team though are in disarray though thanks to Hellboy’s somewhat less than covert media attracting antics and a new boss in the ectoplasmic German Johann Krauss (Family Guy’s Seth MacFarlane) who wants everything done ‘by ze book’.

Director Guillermo del Toro (who made the excellent and equally weird Pan’s Labyrinth) brings the whole outlandish plot together with considerable style. Hellboy II manages to have real heart, top dollar action and a fabulous menagerie of seriously freaky creatures. It also has a plot that veers between soap opera (Hellboy is gonna be a dad), comedy (Hellboy and Abe singing a drunken "Can't Smile Without You" by Barry Manilow is just sublime) and tense jaw dropping big budget action scenes. Don’t come here looking for believability, you’ll just go home grumbling, this is strictly for those who like their fantasy films heavy on the ‘fantastic’.


"not sure about the make up..."

You’ll have to go a long way to find stranger or richer visuals, the working class superhero chic of Hellboy is a fantastic dose of escapism that ticks all the right boxes for a great night out.

On the strength of this, it looks like Tolkien fans can rest easy that ‘The Hobbit’ is in good hands as that is scheduled to be del Toro’s next film.

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööööö (8)

+ Big Red is very watchable and personable for a demonic entity

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)

+ Some good quality fisticuffs and smacking down...

Gratuitous Babeness: ööööö (5)

+ Anna Walton ia a cutie but looks a bit pasty here

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)

+ Nothing too taxing unless you have low threshold for weirdness

Comedic Value: öööööööö (8)

+ Some great comedy stuff on offer here

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööö (8)

A worthwhile sequel that keeps the franchise alive!

DM Poster Quote:

“Red is the new black"

Film Review - Taken

Taken (15)

Dir. Pierre Morel

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career in the shadows, skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that will be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you. And I will kill you…”

[after a pause the kidnapper answers] “Good luck”...

Taken is a mean, slick, action flick from Luc ‘Leon’ Besson and Robert Mark Kamen which could well set a new standard for the sheer number of bad guys sent to an early grave… Liam Neeson gets his ‘Bourne’ on as Bryan Mills, an ex-CIA operative who puts his training to effective use when his daughter Kim (Maggie Grace) gets kidnapped the minute she steps outside of the US.

Director Pierre ‘District 13’ Morel delivers on the promise he showed in his early action adventure – this time blessed with a quality leading man who keeps the audience on side even when delivering unspeakable violence. Neeson certainly adds gravitas to the vengeful all shooting, all beating, role of Bryan. Within minutes of the film starting he’s in action saving a hot new singing sensation Diva (Holly Valance) from a would-be attacker, a move which helps indicate that there is much barely repressed violence just beneath the surface of this doting-but-estranged dad.

So when his daughter Kim and her cute pal Amanda (Katie Cassidy) get abducted almost as soon as they arrive in Paris, Bryan uses the next 96 hours (the time frame within which security forces generally recon that a victim has a chance of being rescued) to go ballistic on the East European scumbags responsible.

The plot might be wafer thin but that hardly matters when the action is as crunching and high octane as delivered here. Watching Bryan take down seemingly hundreds of enemies in a stylish but surprisingly brutal series of encounters is this year’s action fan nirvana. With echoes of the effective Man on Fire from a couple of years ago, this man on a mission to save his child odyssey, will have people rooting for the steely eyed bringer of justice – even when the odds seem impossibly against him.

Once the action fuse is lit, the fight scenes, chases and relentless quest of Bryan is a captivating ride, a thriller that actually thrills and doesn’t waste a second of screen time. Probably not a date movie, Taken channels of the spirit of Arnie’s infamous ‘80s’ action heroes mixing in elements of James Bond and Jason Bourne. You’ll be hard pressed to find a more exciting rampage of gun action this autumn – Bryan Mills may well muscle his way into to the all time top ten of gun slinging heroes.

"I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you - probably with my gun..."

Ye Old DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM
(all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööööö (8)
+ Deathwish fulfilment for anxious parents everywhere

Tasty Action: ööööööööö (9)
+ Serious crunching fights and gunplay, exciting stuff!

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
+ Maggie Grace is worth abducting...

Mind Blight / Boredom: öö (2)
+ Fast paced throughout

Comedic Value: öööööö (6)
+ Some nice dark comedy elements

Arbitrary final rating: ööööööööö (9)
Taken is highly recommend stress relief for anyone who wants to see bad people made to pay!!

"keeping your cherry - drives up your value!?"

Liable to make you:

"vow to wipe out half the Eastern Euro underworld"

DM Poster Quote:

"They thought they could take his daughter and get away with it.
they were miss-TAKEN!!"

The Dark Knight review 'heavy duty Batman joy'

The Dark Knight (12a)

Dir. Christopher Nolan

Reviewed by Matt Adcock


“Some men aren't looking for anything logical. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.” And the world of Batman burns in blazing style thanks to an incredible reimagining of The Joker in The Dark Knight. Director Christopher ‘The Prestige’ Nolan follows up 2005’s excellent Batman Begins with a powerhouse epic based on the iconic comic book hero’s greatest challenge.
The Dark Knight sees Batman having brought his own brand of extreme justice to the mean streets of Gotham, he’s tamed the mob and put real fear into the hearts of the underworld. But just as Harvey Dent the new crusading District Attorney (Aaron Eckhart) is appointed and looks to cement a crime free future, the criminal elements are about to be galvanised by a psychotic madman / criminal genius named The Joker (Heath Ledger).


"you will believe too..."

So the stakes are raised for Batman / Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) – how do you fight an enemy with an irrational lust for chaos? Welcome to a world without rules where the gloves are off and no one is safe. This is bleak, dark material, a million miles away from the camp knockabout of Joel Schumacher’s Batman and Robin, and so much the better for it. The Dark Knight is grim, violent and unsettling in places (certainly not a family movie) but equally wildly exciting and thought provoking too. Who’d have thought that a comic book tale could deliver potentially the best film of 2008? I have to note Ledger’s performance as The Joker as it is the stuff of legend, he even blows Jack Nicholson’s performance from Tim Burton’s Batman away and he will be very sadly missed.Are there any weaknesses in this fantastically assembled masterpiece? Well, if you want to be picky it is a bit long but that’s not really much of a grumble. My only real disappointment was that Maggie Gyllenhaal's Rachel 'didn’t quite work as well as Katie Holmes' (never thought I’d be writing that).
Her only memorable moment comes when she lands a kick in the Joker’s privates – he quips:
“A little fight in ya. I like that!”
But is immediately upstaged by Batman who appears and adds:
"Then you're going to love me…”
delivered whilst punching him full in the face!?



DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööööö (9)
+ The Dark Knight delivers...

Tasty Action: ööööööööö (9)
+ Batman has never rocked so hard

Gratuitous Babeness: ööööö (5)
+ Gyllenhaal is cute but not stunning

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)
+ Not much padding but could have been a bit sharper

Comedic Value: öööööö (6)
+ Some nice dark humour

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööööö (10)
Kapow… this is an altogether awesome film, see it as soon as you can (and it looks absolutely stunning in IMAX too).

Liable to make you:
"fall for the big black bat"

DM Poster Quote:
“cross the line..."

The Dark Knight...

"Oh baby... JOKER is my favourite bad guy!!"


"I couldn't be more excited about this... IMAX anyone!?"

gotta love this dialogue...

Bank Manager:
"The criminals in this town used to believe in things. Honor. Respect. Look at you! What do you believe in? What do you believe in!?"

The Joker:
"I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger."

Click through here to the infamous FILMSTALKER and watch 5 wonderful minutes of what just might be my film of the year!!
LINK: http://www.filmstalker.co.uk/archives/2008/07/the_dark_knight_five_minutes_o.html

The Incredible Hulk - the 'you won't like me when I'm angry' review

The Incredible Hulk (12a)

Dir. Louis Leterrier

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Ever since my Gamma radiation overdose there are aspects of my personality that I just can't control.
And when I lose control, it's very dangerous to be around me…
Fortunately I find that going to see stupid action films at the cinema helps keep my destructive impulses in check (unless they’re rubbish in which case it just makes me angry). Anyway, it just so happens that The Incredible Hulk is the very definition of ‘stupid action film’ and it’s not rubbish either.
‘Incredible’ might be pushing it a bit though as my two superhero fan sons both declared it to be: ‘good but not as good as Iron Man’ – who makes a guest appearance at the end to set up an Avengers movie sequel…

In many ways Louis ‘The Transporter’ Leterrier delivers a decent follow up to Ang Lee’s misunderstood and generally unloved ‘Hulk’ from 2003. There’s certainly more action on offer here which builds to a crunching climactic showdown so audacious that sets a new standard for sheer over the top one-on-one fights. There’s a superb cast featuring Edward Norton, Tim Roth and Liv Tyler backed up by some fun cameos like Lou ‘I was doing this Hulk stuff back in the ‘70s’ Ferrigno. The special effects have also improved considerably – it’s hard not to break into a grin when witnessing impossible feats made to look so ‘real’ - such as when Hulk effortlessly rips a police car in half in order to fashion himself a pair of metallic boxing gloves.

The main problem here is that because the action is so great when Hulk is doing his big green angry stuff, all the human interplay that makes up the rest of the plot seems a bit dull in comparison. This roller coaster of impossibly high ‘highs’ mixed with ho hum ‘lows’ leaves the film feeling uneven and the audience counting down the minutes to the next green explosion.
The plot has lots of fun with the source material, throwing in comic moments such as when Norton has to back out of a steamy clinch with Tyler because she’s raising his pulse to the point where he might ‘Hulk out’.

If you’ve ever enjoyed Hulk from comics, TV or his other film outings – The Incredible Hulk should be seen and enjoyed on the biggest screen you can find. If you’re not a fan though you’ll probably re-title this ‘The Quite Good Hulk’ – doesn’t have the same ring to it does it?

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööö (7)
+ Smashing action - but paint by numbers emotions

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)
+ Highly satisfying when it happens

Gratuitous Babeness: ööööööö (7)
+ Liv Tyler is all kinds of sexy

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööööö (6)
- Bit too much plodding between smackdowns

Comedic Value: ööööööö (7)
+ 'You won't like me when I'm "hungry" line was a classic!

Arbitrary final rating: ööööööö (8)
- Strong comic book action which fans will love and others will like…

Liable to make you:
"sign up to military drug trials - just in case"

DM Poster Quote:
“No does 'smash' like Hulk..."