Matt Adcock meets Ellen Page

"cool"


"almost 21"


"and did I mention cool?"

Matt Adcock meets Ellen Page

So there I am in this swish London hotel and suddenly I’m joined by the cutest, coolest, shortest and possibly ‘most likely to be mistaken for a pixie-est’ ever – Ellen Page. Almost 21, fresh from bagging an Oscar nomination and riding the wave of positive buzz around new Oscar nominated film Juno (which is excellent by the way), Ellen radiates a beguiling mixture of shyness and confidence, for a minute I don’t quite know what to say.


MA: Ellen hey, I’m a fan. You’ve already played some incredible characters, what attracted you to the role of a pregnant teenager Juno?

EP: I was blown away when I read the screenplay and just wanted to be that girl. I love this character because she’s so interesting. She is honest; she stays true to herself and it’s so refreshing to find someone like that in a movie. I just feel really passionate about this film. I think it is appealing to play someone who is outside the typical teen stereotypes that you see on film.


MA: What can you say about Juno herself, what kind of girl is she?

EP: Juno says what she thinks and listens to her own kind of music, she is not influenced by fashion or trends. She likes what she likes and wears the clothes she wants to wear. She could not care less about the way people are judging her or what anyone thinks of her and I really respect that.


MA: The Music is a real feature in the film, did you have a say in picking it?

EP: I did. Early on I was in Jason Reitman’s office with him and he asked me what kind of music I thought Juno would listen to and I said instantly ‘The Moldy Peaches.’ I went onto his computer and played him some songs by them and he liked it and decided to them.


MA: You’ve played some dark roles, was it a conscious decision to choose a comedy at this point in your career and are there any film genres you wouldn’t consider?

EP: It just made sense for me to do this comedy after my film An American Crime. It was a very hard film to shoot, especially because it was based on a true story about a teenager that was very dark and disturbing and upsetting. I remember just thinking at the end of that film: ‘oh my God I have to do comedy next, I have to laugh’. So I was delighted to do Juno. And I’m pretty interested in whatever good roles come along whatever the genre – although I may not do any porn.


MA: Your youthful looks must be handy for playing a sixteen year old, but do people generally treat you as younger?

EP: I can’t even begin to tell you, it’s a daily thing. I really believe that ageism exists and I suffer from it. I am sometimes treated really badly because I do look young. People always think I’m younger than I am and I’m often asked for my driving license.


It’s true though – Ellen might have played a paedophile hunting vigilante in Hard Candy and an iconic X-men super heroine in Xmen: The Last Stand but it’s smart, left field role as a young teenage mother-to-be Juno that has really ignited their career. And although only just over 5 foot, I predict they are going to be huge.





Darkmatters: H O M E

Call Of Duty 4 Modern Warfare - review

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare (PS3)

Reviewed by Matt 'Cleric20' Adcock

Report marine, you horrible little grunt…
This is the real thing – well as near to the real thing as is currently possible on any games console – so prepare yourself.

Activision are sending you and a crack squad of elite soldiers into a dangerous warzone where you’ll need razor fast reflexes, a strong strategic brain and most of all, a comfy sofa because this hop is so good that you're going to be playing for some time!!

If the words ‘explosive action’ make you excited, then Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare might just tip you over the edge. Kiss goodbye to your social life, family and friends (unless they have PS3's too – then join them online), because never before has a FPS (first person shooter) been quite so cool, playable, graphically impressive and downright fun – and yes I’ve played Halo 1-3, Warhawk and the Orange Box…

This game looks amazing enough in the cut scenes but you really will have to pinch yourself when you see this baby’s in game play running in high def glory – smooth – that’s the only word for it. Setting impressive new standards for physics-enabled effects and virtually photo-realistic gaming experience, the only bad news is that this might make other games in your collection look a bit duff in comparison (unless you only own COD4, Uncharted and Ratchet & Clank: Future which together form the current ‘holy trinity’ of beautiful shooters for the PS3 in particular).

The single player rocks – gone are those pesky Nazis and ‘played this a million times already’ WW2 campaigns, in come terrorist cells and paid mercenaries wielding tactical nuclear weapons and taking no prisoners. Suffice to say that the single player game is fun, frantic and rewarding, especially as you can unlock some great bonuses like an ‘arcade mode’ which makes replaying it for ‘points per kill’ a real treat. The plot is kinda Tom Clancy-ish and best experienced first hand rather than read about in advance.

Then there’s the multiplayer which I was introduced to by a work colleague – we’ve been shooting each other online ever since – cheers Robin! Building on the hit Call of Duty 2 online experience, Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare sets the bar high for multiplayer by being the most addictive and accessible experience I’ve played online and remarkably it works for gamers of all levels. With a dizzying number of weapon options - assault rifles, machine guns, shotguns, sniper rifles, pistols, multiple types of grenades and some very nifty claymore mines, there is something for everyone, and best of all you can modify your soldier through ‘perks’. This is the role playing lite element which allows you to customise how you play e.g. more life bar or better aim? Self destruct option when shot or radar jamming device... there’s so much depth to this that you’ll be tinkering with your set up until you become the ultimate killing machine.

Accept no substitute – if you only buy one shooter and you value multiplayer over single player, COD4 is your new best friend.

Overall ööööö (5/5 warfare has never been as good)

My PSN gamertag is 'Cleric20' - come and find me online!!


"this is in game - look at the detail - look at the carnage!!"


If you prefer chopping enemies up with a sword... may I suggest you pick a Heavenly Sword: Matt's Heavenly Sword (review)

Aliens vs Predator Requiem - review

"take one iconic space monster"
"add another 'almost as iconic' space monster"

- light the fuse for an all time classic!

Aliens vs. Predator – Requiem (15)

Dir. The Brothers Strause (Greg and Colin)

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Remember - in space, no one can hear you scream.

On Earth, everyone will hear you – it’s just a shame that you’ll probably be screaming ‘I want my money back!!’…

Learning nothing it seems from the minor hit Alien vs. Predator from 2004, except that there is an audience of people who will still pay to see these two iconic creatures – the money men at Twentieth Century Fox have given us Aliens vs. Predator – Requiem (AVP-R).

As big fan of both series of films (I liked the first AVP film) I was stoked at the thought that this just night be the ultimate stand-off between the classic shiny headed, chest bursting, jaw extending xenomorphs and the dreadlocked space hunters with a nifty line in infra-red vision and shoulder mounted laser cannons. Directed by ‘lifelong fans of both franchises’, Greg and Colin Strause, who were eager to recreate the magic of the terrifying space saga and pay homage to the hallmarks that made the originals so memorable.

Set in a modern day small U.S. town, a predator training ship carrying the hybrid ‘predalien’, hinted at in the last AVP film, crash lands leading to a very bad time for the population and an ensuing massive alien infection. A sole predator ‘cleaner’ is dispatched from the predator homeworld – he’s a badass alien exterminator tasked with saving the day before the situation gets out of hand. What’s not to love?

Um, how about just about everything?

AVP-R is a cheap looking, slap in the face of all the Alien or Predator films that have gone before. Gone is anything classy, or any scenes that will make you drop your popcorn and applaud, in fact anything much worthy of praise or merit - apart from some occasionally decent special effects. Instead we get a derisive, predictable and painfully muddled plotline, weak and entirely disposable characters – you know you’re in trouble when the most likeable is the dim blonde love interest Jesse (Kristen Hager).

"Miss Hager shows off her acting skills"  

Then there’s the supposedly heroic Dallas (yes the namesake of the Captain in the original Alien) played by Steven Pasquale – not sure if he’s any relation to Joe - an ‘off the shelf’ bad boy who specialises in shouting out a running commentary on what’s happening right in front of him like: “People are dying... we need guns!”

So how can you enjoy the slack jawed and ‘trying a bit too hard to be nasty’ thrills on offer in AVP-R? I’d advise unplugging your brain and leaving behind any love you have for the Alien or Predator films thus far - approach AVP-R with very limited expectations and they might just be met.

Having said that if seeing a ward of pregnant women being overrun by aliens, a young boy having his stomach burst our after seeing his father die the same way and actually finding yourself starting to feel sorry for the Predator that seems to have to wander around aimlessly for quite a lot of the screen time appeals to you… Step this way!

NEW DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM FOR 2008 (all ratings out of maximum 10):

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööööööö (9)
- Chronic and dangerous levels, approach with caution

Comedic Value: ööööö (5)
- Laughable more like!

Endorphin Stimulation: ö (1)- flatline excitement levels...

Tasty Action: öö (2)
- couple of almost interesting fights, but most of the 'action' is badly directed and lacks punch

Arbitrary final rating: ööö (3)
- The brothers Strause should be impregnated with alien spawn...

Liable to make you:
“weep for how bigger missed opportunity this was... and how crap it is!"

DM Poster Quote:
“They really should have stayed in space ”

In the Valley of Elah - review

In the Valley of Elah (15)

Dir. Paul Haggis

Reviewed by Matt Adcock


The Valley of Elah is the middle-eastern place noted in the Bible where the young shepherd boy (and one day King) David managed to kill the Philistine giant warrior champion Goliath – with nothing more than a well-aimed slingshot. This is the epic recreation of the that famous battle, no actually this is Paul ‘Crash’ Haggis’ cutting anti-war film that rips the jugular out of any romantic notions that signing up for the armed forces is cool or praiseworthy.

Tommy Lee Jones is on top form as Hank Deerfield, a retired Sergeant whose soldier son Mike has mysteriously disappeared after coming back from his latest tour of duty in Iraq. Charlize Theron plays detective Emily Sanders who gets dragged into the investigation when it looks like there may be foul play – and a possible military cover-up due to ‘something that happened involving Mike overseas’.
Jones is awesome as the devoted father, determined to find out what happened to his son, sketchy clues to which he uncovers on media files recorded on Mike's mobile phone. Haggis who wrote as well as directs stirs up a veritable hornets nest of rage and anguish, grief and betrayal, but all of it is ratcheted up in a slow burning way. Whilst In the Valley of Elah is no action thriller, it is a gripping, smouldering fuse that leads all the while to something very nasty.

If looking for a feel good or life-affirming movie, you should move along – watching Elah is like taking a depressing punch to the frontal cortex (that part of the brain generally thought to be where higher-level thinking takes place). The plot unfurls at a walking pace but you won’t be able to help yourself thinking ahead, all the while trying to figure out ‘whodunit’ and perhaps more importantly ‘why did they do it’?

There is excellent chemistry between Jones and Theron (in a wonderfully friends trying to help each other way); plus there are moments of stunning cinematography that elevate this over and above your average ‘war screws you up’ political effort. Elah hasn’t been very well received in the States, which doesn’t surprise me as it makes for a pretty damning case against the current administration’s foreign policy on Iraq. With this and No Country for Old Men, Jones has found a superb vein of recent form and this film has brought him an Oscar nominations to boot.

NEW DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM FOR 2008 (all ratings out of maximum 10):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööö (6)
- 'thinking' rather than being 'blown away with excitement'

Tasty Action: öööö (4)
- not masses but some bursts of tension

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööö (6)
- Theron is hot in an understated way here

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööö (4)
- this won't keep everyone on the edge of their seats (brain required)

Comedic Value: öööö (4)
- Not a comedy by any definition

Arbitrary final rating: ööööööö (7)
- Quality film, powerfully made and packed with decent acting but maybe not a classic

Liable to make you:
“vow not to sign up for the armed forces"

DM Poster Quote:
“if we create killing machines, can we expect them to stop?”

"so I heard you have a thing about Oscar nomated stars!?"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street - review

Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (18)

Dir. Tim Burton

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

A dangerous spirit can be found haunting Old London Town. A dashing new barber has set up shop in Fleet Street guaranteeing the ‘closest shave you’ll ever have’ – not to mention that it could well be also the last shave you’ll ever have!? Believe me when I tell you that there’s no one who can handle a cutthroat razor quite like the talented Mr Sweeney Todd.

Strangely it seems business is also unnaturally brisk in Mrs Lovett's pie-shop situated right underneath Mr Todd’s barbers… There’s something quite special and yet hard to put your finger in – sorry I mean on - about Lovett’s new secret recipe ‘meat’ pies.

So cor blimey governor if this ain’t Tim Burton’s new musical sing a long horror show that takes the Broadway hit musical and brings it lavishly to superb big screen life. But before you rush out and book your tickets for a family night out of show tunes in the company of the wickedly cool Johnny Depp and the ‘never been more gothic – and that’s really saying something’ Helena Bonham Carter, be advised that is a red-blooded eighteen certificate film that comes with serious graphic slaughter to rival certain chainsaw wielding maniacs.

This latest incarnation of Sweeney Todd drips Burton’s trademark gothic visual flair, delivering a ticket to a fantastic archetypal Victorian London where revenge is the order of the day and vengeance driven homicidal tendencies go hand in hand with cannibalistic appetites. It certainly isn’t a very happy tale; in fact this is possibly the nastiest and most head wracking work of musical desolation ever to offer it’s dark heart to public gaze. But if you’ve the stomach for powerhouse gut-churning horror mixed with darkly comic tragedy – this will ravish your senses to within an inch of their life.

Depp is just awesome in the title role, notching up another iconic character with ease. Seems Mr Depp can sing too which helps as virtually all of the dialogue is sung, so make sure you’re ready for ditties about selecting murder victims, heartbreaking pain and general unpleasantness in lieu of witty banter. Some quality brief light relief comes in the riotous form of Sacha ‘Borat’ Baron Cohen whose faux Italian barber ‘Pirelli’ sports a cockney accent that puts even Depp’s to shame and is a character worthy of having his own whole spin off film. Yes, pretty much everything on offer here is premium high-class entertainment even if it deals in thoroughly unpleasant subject matter – don’t let that stop you singing along!

NEW DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM FOR 2008 (all ratings out of maximum 10):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööööö (8)
- There will be blood, by the bucketfull!!

Tasty Action: ööööööö (7)
- Killing in the name of... revenge, singing all the while.

Gratuitous Babeness: ööööööö (7)
- Jayne Wisener (Johanna) is a hottie to watch, HBC still looks good too!

Mind Blight / Boredom: ö (1)
- None unless singing puts you to sleep.

Comedic Value: ööööööö (7)
- Black comedy with a sharp edge...

Arbitrary final rating: ööööööööö (9)
- An awesome cinematic experience!

Liable to make you:
“Not choose a wet shave at a barbers anytime soon"

DM Poster Quote:
“Don't miss this bloody brilliant tale, not by the hair on your chinny chin chin!?”


"stunning!!"

Darkmatters: H O M E

No Country for Old Men - review

No Country for Old Men (15)

Dir. Joel and Ethan Coen

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

In the land of the free they say that ‘there are no clean getaways’, and No Country for Old Men takes that notion and splatters it large across the screen in a stunning, violent modern classic. Opening with a fantastically barren Texas vista, a captivating voice-over sucks you immediately into the world of central protagonists Vietnam vet Llewelyn Moss (Josh Brolin) and washed up sheriff Ed Tom Bell (a never better Tommy Lee Jones).

So one day Moss stumbles upon and takes a bag containing millions of dollars, the previous owners of which are now conspicuously dead in a rather obvious drug deal gone wrong. This is the trigger to a nail-biting odyssey that sees all manner of very nasty characters on the trail of the ill-gotten bounty. The plot is a faithful adaptation of Cormac McCarthy's highly charged but desperately bleak novel, which the Coen brothers have taken and wreathed in classy noir western, hard-boiled road movie styling.

Thrillers just don’t come much tenser or with a more palpable air of danger – No Country for Old Men plays like a super charged western style sequel to my favourite Coen brother’s film up until now - their debut Blood Simple.

Here is a movie where everything is up for grabs; the gathering storm that whirls around the loot evokes a feeling of how one bad choice can lead to unprecedented life wrecking repercussions.
Credit must also go to Woody Harrelson who delivers over and above the call of duty as a slick hit man ‘cleaner’ sent in by a crime boss to try and sort out the escalating situation. But even he can’t hold a candle to the unstoppable killing machine psycho named Anton Chigurh (Javier Bordem), the scariest cattle abattoir gun wielding, remorseless bad guy you’ll ever wish to meet. Here’s a tip, if you meet a blank faced bowl cut styled lunatic like Chigurh, the chances are he’ll be the last thing you ever see – and if he asks you call ‘heads or tails’ on a coin toss, at least you’ll have a fifty percent chance of living…

No Country for Old Men is an awesome experience - a perfect storm of a talented cast, quality source material and stunning direction, mixed with jaw dropping cinematography and the best use of sound in a film ever? The first contender for film of the year already!!

NEW DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM FOR 2008 (all ratings out of maximum 10):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööööö (9)
- This will make you think 'dear God is there hope for any of us in the face of unfathomable evil?'

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)
- Some wicked shoot outs, chases and stand offs

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööö (6)
- Kelly 'Diane from Trainspotting' Macdonald is still cute

Mind Blight / Boredom: ö (1)
- Long but only those with ADHD will get at all bored

Comedic Value: öööööö (6)
- Sly dark humour, but certainly not a comedy

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööööö (10)
- An awesome cinematic experience!

Liable to make you:
“Saddle up and search the prairie for $2million in drug money, or buy an abattoir cattle gun ”

DM Poster Quote:
“Somewhere in the darkness of men's souls lies redemption… just not here...”

Darkmatters: H O M E

P.S. I Love You - review

"Look out - he's behind you!!"

P.S. I Love You (12a)

Dir. Richard LaGravenese

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Prepare yourself – this just might be the most horrific cinematic experience you have in 2008. Imagine a sick film where a grieving widow is maliciously stalked by a maniac who sends her sinister letters supposedly signed by her dead husband… Actually that’s not true, change the stalking maniac to the woman’s utterly obsessed husband who is actually tricking her into thinking that he’s dead – all the while laughing at her from beyond the grave… ingeniously messed up huh?
Oh it’s no use, there’s no way I can try and make P.S. I Love You sound any better than it is and that’s the very worst kind of soppy, schmaltzy supposedly romantic comedy, utterly bereft of either romance, or comedy.

Hilary ‘Million Dollar Baby’ Swank, might be a great actress but she’s neither cute nor funny enough to salvage this turgid festering cesspool of irritating boredom. And in this sorry and mildly unsettling tale of how her hunky Irish husband (Gerald ‘300’ Butler) dies young but finds the time to somehow write lots of letters, arrange holidays and other ‘surprises’ to lavish on her after he’s popped his clogs.

If that whole concept doesn’t weird you out then there’s still no reason I can give you to go and see this. Holly (Swank) is one of the most annoying main characters ever committed to film but even she is endearing when compared to her overgrown leprechaun of a husband who needs to tried for crimes against the Irish accent. Butler was outstanding as King Leonidas in 300 last year but here he stinks up the screen to the point that I was delighted when he was killed off prematurely. Alas he’s a hard man to keep down and he pops up again at regular intervals either as a ghost or in vapid flashbacks. Then there’s Lisa Kudrow (still playing Phoebe from Friends) and Harry Connick, Jr who provide some light relief only by not being quite as bad as the two leads,

The only moment of pleasure I had during the whole film was when I turned to see if my mate Tom and his girlfriend were enjoying it as little as I was and found that Tom was actually poking himself in the eye in order to try and stay awake!

P.S. Don’t rob yourself of two hours that you’ll never get back. – go and see something else!!

NEW DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM FOR 2008
(all ratings out of maximum 10):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööö
- you might enjoy taking the piss out of it

Tasty Action: ö
- none, unless you count Swank falling off a stage

Gratuitous Babeness: öö
- Swank in a bra really isn't very sexy

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööööööö
- eye poking recommended

Comedic Value: öö
- very limited mirth

Arbitrary final rating: ö
- P.S. I really don't like you!!


Liable to make you: “Puke sentimental chunks of soppiness”

DM Poster Quote: “Death was too good for him, and her too actually…”



"Irish eyes might be smiling - but that's the only thing in this film!"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Matt’s Top Films to look out for in 2008

"the Cloverfield mystery will be uncovered"

Matt’s Top Films to look out for in 2008

2008 looks like being another great year for cinemagoers with something for all tastes.

As a huge comic book fan I’m particularly excited about The Dark Knight, which is the follow up to Batman Begins. Christian Bale slips back into the bat-suit and is given a cool new weapon packed bat-motorbike with which to battle the return of perhaps his greatest foe… The Joker (Heath Ledger filling the twisted shoes last filled by Jack Nicholson). Also we’ll get a new reworking of The Incredible Hulk (hopefully more ‘incredible’ than the last Hulk movie) and Iron Man, which will see Robert Downey Jr. saving the world in his high tech personal armour bodysuit.

Family flavoured film highlights are likely to be the return of some heavy hitting favourites – Harry Potter hits the screen for the sixth time in Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. And talking of princes – everyone is also invited back to Narnia to meet Prince Caspian in what looks like a stunning and more savage follow up to the Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe. Plus the latest series of kid friendly fantasy books to make the leap to the cinema are The Spiderwick Chronicles, about an alternate world full of faeries and other strange creatures.

Action fans should prepare to get reacquainted with a certain adventurous archaeologist - Mr Indiana Jones as he comes out of retirement to visit the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Or buckle up for Speed Racer, which sees the creators of The Matrix bring the classic 1960's Japanese animated series of bang up to date featuring the fastest car on the planet, the Mach 5. Doug ‘Bourne Identity’ Liman burst back with what looks like a seriously exciting sci fi actioner called Jumper. A terrifying tale about a man who has to fight for his life against a hoard of vicious jumpers, just kidding, actually Jumper stars Hayden Christensen as a guy who can ‘jump’ as in teleport at will.

If the word ‘teleport’ caught your eye, chances are you might be a Trekkie, in which case it’s my pleasure to be able to report that Star Trek will get a big budget re-imagining in ’08 that boldly go into the early days of James T. Kirk and his fellow USS Enterprise crew members.



Also in the realms of sci fi is the mysterious Cloverfield, the stunning trailer featured the Statue of Liberty's head being blown off certainly got people talking about this monster attacking New York tale which should satisfy those looking for an edge of the seat thriller.

For quality seekers the Coen Brothers are back with their unstoppable killer tale in No Country for Old Men, which pits Tommy Lee Jones against one of the most fearsome hitmen ever. For Oscar buzz Paul ‘Magnolia’ Thomas Anderson’s There Will Be Blood where family, greed, religion, and oil, combine in the life of a turn-of-the-century Texas prospector (Daniel Day-Lewis).

More drama in the new big screen version of ‘80s series Brideshead Revisited with a classy cast reliving the memoirs of Captain Charles Ryder: stationed at Brideshead Castle during WWII. And that other English export James Bond will be back in the follow up Casino Royale which is in the capable hands of director Marc ‘Monsters Ball’ Forster.



Horror fans can look forward to All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, featuring hot upcoming actress Amber Heard in the title role, plus Ghost Town (scarily with Ricky Gervais on the cast list) or the annual death by numbers Saw V…

According to my wife, no advance film listing is valid without listing at least one romantic comedy and so if you’re looking for some Colin Firth swoon action you’ll probably want to check out The Accidental Husband where he’ll be romancing Uma Thurman.

Finally several other titles to keep on your radar should include Tim Burton’s Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, WALL – E (Pixar does cute robot tale) or Get Smart, which sees Steve Carell playing spies for comic effect.

One thing is for sure – there looks like being lots of reasons to visit the cinema in 2008, might see you there!?



Darkmatters: H O M E

Balls of Fury - review

"can you spot the hidden symbolism in this poster?"

Balls of Fury (12a)

Dir. Robert Ben Garant

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

‘Balls’ is the word when it comes to Balls of Fury, a wacky comedy that sees down-and-out former professional ping-pong phenomenon, Randy Daytona (Dan Fogler), given a shot to redeem himself by entering the seedy world of underground table tennis.
Director Garant goes for sustained chuckles rather than belly laughs concocting a gleefully stupid tale that pits washed up Daytona against fiendish oriental crime lord Feng (Christopher Walken) who killed his father.
After being humiliated across the world as a child ping-pong Olympian, Daytona is marking time entertaining diners in a seedy Las Vegas joint when FBI Agent Ernie Rodriguez (George Lopez) recruits him for a secret mission.
The gorgeous Maggie ‘Die Hard 4.0’ Q is on hand as the convenient love interest – niece of the blind master ping-pong trainer Master Wong who is tasked with getting Daytona back to his best in order to infiltrate an illicit tournament organised by Feng.
Everything proceeds as you might expect, with too many ‘blind man hurts himself’ jokes to mention. There are groin related slapstick injuries and innuendo aplenty – the balls of the title being just too much of a gift to scriptwriters of such limited ability.
All the cast seem to be enjoying the proceedings – especially an impromptu sing along of Def Leopard’s Pour Some Sugar On Me, a rare highlight which doesn’t come till the end credits.
Christopher Walken sleepwalks through his part with the minimum of effort and looks to be just here for the paycheque, but even on autopilot he injects some quality into the cheap and cheerful comedy.
Balls of Fury isn’t in any danger of being a last minute entry into anyone’s top ten films of the year, but it does have its moments. Fogler works hard in the lead role and he manages to keep you onside more than in his last outing – the terrible Good Luck Chuck. If you like his work here, look out for Fanboys which looks like being fun too – the tale of a bunch of Star Wars fans who plan to steal an advance copy of The Phantom Menace from George Lucas.
So if you’re already bored with your Christmas presents and / or have an unnatural thing for ping-pong related antics, there are worse films out at the moment *cough* St Trinian’s *cough*.

Out of 5 you have to go with a cheesy 2.5 (average fun with little balls)...

Darkmatters ratings (look out for the all new DM ratings in January '08!!):

Action ööö – High stakes Ping-Pong
Laughs ööö – Funny in places
Horror öö – Not so nasty
Babes öööö – Maggie Q wears some mean hotpants!

Overall öö1/2 (balls)



"Maggie Q... see what I mean about those shorts?"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Festive Hitman Competition

"this just might be the PS3 game of 2008"

OK so it might be the Season of goodwill to all men...

But with HITMAN still in cinemas let's pretend that it's the season of goodwill to all but one...

If you fancy winning some random HITMAN merchandise - all you have to do is email your 'fantasy hit' to:

darkmatters@hit-man.co.uk

Just detail - who you would take out, how you would accomplish it...

I'll post the ones that amuse me most and send you prize (Cap, T Shirt, USB Phone Charger, Keychain, USB Memory Card etc).

UK readers only - Editors decision is final...

St Trinians - Review

St Trinian's (12a)

Dir.Oliver Parker and Barnaby Thompson

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Dear Parent / Guardian of Miss St Trinian,
please find below the school report for her latest film related efforts:

English
I am sorry to tell you that St Tinian’s English is very poor. From an unfunny script packed with dialogue which is cringe inducing and weak, through to a comprehensively cheesy plot riddled with terrible acting, there is very little to recommend or praise in this area.

Maths
Whilst St Trinian’s does have some nice figures in it, new girl Annabel (Talulah Riley) and head girl Kelly (Gemma Arterton) both being very watchable, the overall feedback I must give you is that in terms of cost / benefit the film does not pass the test. One can only wonder at the thinking of ploughing good money into such an uninspiring and ultimately feeble endeavour such as this.

History
It seems this new version of St Trinian’s is trying to recapture the success of Ealing Studios’ earlier efforts such as the Belles Of St Trinian's from 1954. It is unfortunate then that the 2007 incarnation is a scattergun mess that sees the young ‘ladies’ of the school mumble and grunt their lines whilst Colin Firth and Russell Brand waste their talent in clumsily drawn minor roles.

Behaviour
Whilst naughty behaviour is the expected norm at an institution like St Trinian’s, what is served up here feels very disjointed. Not knowing if it wants to be bawdy or bland, the film stutters between the two and so manages to alienate both younger and older audiences simultaneously. Double detention must be handed out to Girls Aloud too for creating an absolutely appalling new track especially for the film – see me after class!

Overall
With so little of merit on show here it falls to Rupert Everett in drag to be by far the best thing on offer. He plays the slightly demented Miss Fritton - Head Mistress of the delinquent school - like a Camilla Parker Bowles on acid. Everett gives his all but this just serves to highlight the ASBO lite acting of the rest of the cast. Quite what Lena ‘300’ Headey (soon to take the lead role in ‘Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles’) or Mischa Barton from The O.C. think they are doing here really is anyone’s guess.

In summation, the filmmakers must report to my office and write a thousand lines of ‘must try harder’ on the blackboard…

Out of 5 you have to go with a weak 1.5 (nice idea but rubbish execution)...

Darkmatters ratings (look out for the all new DM ratings in January '08!!):

Action öö – Some nonsensical plot action
Laughs öö – Limited and forced
Horror öö – The Girls Aloud song is pretty scary!
Babes öööö – Riley and Arterton might not be able to act but they are cute

Overall ö1/2 (poor)


"Girls Aloud - should be seen and not heard!"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Enchanted - review

Enchanted (PG)

Dir. Kevin Lima

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

It’s Christmas, the halls have been decked, the cupboards stocked and goose is thinking he should give weight watchers a call in the New Year. There really couldn’t be a better time to treat yourself to a modern day slice of ‘happy ever after’ with this Disney reinvention of the classic handsome prince / beautiful princess fairytale.
Enchanted was my wife’s pick to be reviewed, and that gave me a handy excuse to drag our two boys to witness this unashamedly ‘most girly’ movie. We emerged having really enjoyed this ironic, post-modern flavoured romantic comedy, which has biting wit, real heart and much to my youngest son’s delight – even an evil dragon.
So princess Giselle (the scrummy Amy Adams) is all set for a two dimensional marriage to her dashing Prince Edward (James Marsden), when her wicked stepmother to be (Susan Sarandon) banishes her from her cartoon paradise to real world New York - "a place where no-one lives happily ever after".
Sashaying in the big green footprints of the wildly successful Shrek films, Enchanted manages to chalk up a valiant repost to the recent slew of pop culture CGI movies that have tried to move audiences on from the traditional Disney values.
The swoony (in my wife’s opinion at least) single father Robert (Patrick Dempsey), who doesn't believe in true love, is the chap who ends up babysitting the gorgeous but hopelessly naïve Princes Giselle.
One thing leads to another – you know, massive sing-a-long song and dance routine through central park, a Cinderella style cleaning of Robert’s apartment through enlisting of the city’s rats, flies, pigeons and cockroaches to help, a surrogate mother daughter shopping spree and of course a romantic showdown in a handily timed ball. It’s all a lot of good - if deeply soppy fun, but then just as my sons looked like they might make a bolt for the exit, the film delivers an exciting dragon verses princess showdown which meant we all went home happy after all.
Frothy and lightweight in equal measure and played with admirable straight faces when embracing concepts such as love’s true kiss being the most powerful force in the universe – even on the mean streets of Manhattan, there’s little here not to love. Except perhaps the fact that House of the Mouse can’t seem to shake the notion that a woman's greatest aspiration in life is that her hunky prince will arrive and whisk her off to be a happy domestic wife. Erm, actually…

Out of 5 you have to go with a quality 3.5 (a fairy tastic tale)...

Darkmatters ratings (look out for the all new DM ratings in January '08!!):

Action ööö – Soppiness but fun soppiness
Laughs ööö – Plenty
Horror öö – Wicked witch has her moments
Babes ööö – Adams is cutie

Overall ööö1/2 (good stuff)

Matt’s Top 10 Films of 2007

Matt’s Top 10 Films of 2007

This has been the year of the ‘Threequel’ – with Spiderman 3, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End and Shrek the Third to name just some of those carrying high anticipation burdens… Many people didn’t like any of those threesomes, I kinda did but none of them make my top ten – because thankfully there were lots of better movies released, here are the ones that did it most for me…



1. Hot Fuzz

Every minute of every day – a crime is being committed somewhere. I can feel it; I can sense the scum on our streets. For too long people have cried ‘where are the police when we need them?' But in this feral world, one man can make a difference – that man is Nicholas Angel (Simon ‘Spaced’ Pegg). Arriving in the impressive shockwave of his top Brit horror comedy Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz ups the ante, boosts the budget and delivers quality laughs, action and violence way beyond the call of duty.

Can’t wait for Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life which is rumoured to be about how hero Scott Pilgrim must defeat his new girlfriend's seven evil ex-boyfriends in battle… ETA 2009.


2. 300

I am a Spartan, descended from Hercules himself. Taught never to surrender and that death on the battlefield is the greatest glory in life (although film reviewing is obviously a close second)… If honour, excitement and entertainment beyond the thresholds of normal cinema is what you seek, there is nothing that can touch this bloody epic graphic novel come to life.


3. Sunshine

For years now we have stumbled in the darkness of a drought, an abyss, a cold hard vacuum of quality space based science fiction (apart from Serenity obviously).But Danny Boyle brought us a burning beautiful ball of light that promised much and delivered on all counts.


4. Transformers

Michael ‘Bad Boys’ Bay pulls out all the stops to bring the much-loved robotic action figures to living, breathing, butt-kicking glory and he does it with unrestrained aplomb. Remember, the freedom to enjoy lowbrow action packed nonsense like this is the right of all sentient beings...


5. The Darjeeling Limited

As is the case with most of director Wes Anderson’s films, The Darjeeling Limited is a window into a poignant, mesmerising and heart warming reality where the journey matters more than the destination.



6. This is England

Powerfull warpgate back to a time, not so long ago when Britain was at war, society was barely holding together in the face of suspicion and intolerance and violent gangs roamed the streets. Young Thomas Turgoose is a revelation.


7. Stardust

Wielding a heavyweight epic punch – boosted by literal ‘star power’ this is the most deliciously over the top and enjoyable fantasy film since The Princess Bride. Stardust does everything right and De Niro delivers the wonderful scene stealing Captain Shakespeare.


8. Atonement

Keira Knightley gives her best performance to date as the stunning Cecilla, whose breathtaking emergence from a fountain at one point is quite possibly the scene of the year for males the world over… McAvoy is excellent too


9. The Lives of Others

Scary Stasi story from the grey-bleak East Germany of the 80s. Ulrich Mühe is excellent as a GDR agent named Wiesler – somehow director Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck (great name) makes watching a guy wearing headphones compelling!


10. The Lookout

A must see for anyone who liked Memento or Brick, understated and cool, this is a slice of pure indie feel heist thriller and a very promising debut from director Scott Frank.

- - - - - - -

The near misses – this is something that I started last year and is a shameless way of getting to namecheck films without having to assign them a chart postion.

So, these are very cool films that almost made the top ten: 28 Weeks Later, The Bourne Ultimatum, Planet Terror, Superbad, Inland Empire, Zodiac, The Last King of Scotland and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

Click here for the previous year's top 10's:

Matt's Top 10 Films 2006

Matt's Top 10 Films 2005

Matt's Top 10 Films 2004


Darkmatters: H O M E

12 and holding - review

"Do You Know Who Your Kids Are?"

12 and Holding (15)

Dir. Michael Cuesta

Reviewed by Matt Adcock


…the concrete broke your fall
to hear you speak of it
I'd have done anything
I would do anything…

You ever watch a film not knowing at all what to expect?
I’d heard good things about 12 and Holding director Michael Cuesta – he’s done some great work on the TV shows Dexter and Six Feet Under, and thanks to the joys of LOVEFILM, this week 12 and Holding dropped through my letterbox.
Having just watched it, I’m still reeling; REM’s ‘Why Not Smile?’ - which the film ends with – is just playing out. Quite simply a stunning little movie, excellently observed and featuring some of the best kid performances I’ve seen for long time. Even though 12 and Holding deals with some very hard issues, I’d say this is a must see for parents / guardians / anyone who works with children… The best film I’ve seen that encompasses perfectly the pre-teen angst that I can remember feeling at about that age… You remember? It’s a time when your parents still treat you like a child, but you feel like you’re growing up in a different world to them…

The plot sees brothers Rudy and Jacob, torn apart and the caustic fallout that ripples waves of unrest through their tight couple of friends when one of them is killed. We travel with the surviving Jacob who bears a massive birth mark on his face and has always felt that his parents loved his brother more, overweight kid Leonard who is trapped in a no hope lardtastic household and Malee, a young girl who desperately misses her absent father and who develops a dangerous crush on a much older guy named Gus (Jeremy Renner), who has issues of his own…

There are certainly echoes of other films in this genre Mean Creek or Lawn Dogs are two good examples, but 12 and Holding forges it’s own bittersweet path.

The dialogue crackles with wit and poignant believability. E.g. one of the opening scenes between the brothers sets the tone well:

Rudy: Our birthday comes once a year and you ask for a hockey mask. You don't even play.
Jacob: Jason from Friday the 13th wears one. He's bad-ass.

Conor Donovan who plays both brothers is superb, Jesse Camacho is Leonard, possibly the best ‘fat kid character’ ever to hit the screen and Zoë Weizenbaum who plays the precocious Malee nails her tricky role with aplomb.

12 and Holding is a film that should makes you reassess what the children you know might be thinking, might be struggling with…

Made me want to go and give my two sons a hug, and tell them that I'm here for them no matter what... and maybe just maybe I'll be a better parent for having watched this? Will get back to you on that.

Out of 5 you have to go with a heartbreaking 4.5 (we've all been there)...

Darkmatters ratings :

Action ööö – You've been sad for a while
Laughs ööö – Bleak humour from the edge
Horror ööö – Enough to unnerve
Babes öö – Not really

Overall öööö1/2 (powerful stuff, fantastically made)


"coming-of-age can be a complicated experience"

Darkmatters: H O M E

Why Not Smile

Bee Movie - review

Bee Movie (U)

Dir. Steve Hickner and Simon J. Smith

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

There’s been quite a bit of buzz about this new CGI adventure from Dreamworks (our other film is Shrek) Animation. It stars a young bee named Barry (voiced by Jerry Seinfeld) who is dissatisfied with his lot in life as a worker drone – with only one career option – making honey for the hive.
Barry rebels and flies wild in Manhattan, where he gets into many bee shaped scrapes and meets various other bugs including Chris Rock's cool mosquito ‘Mooseblood’. After being saved by and making friends with a compassionate florist named Vanessa (René Zellweger), Barry discovers that we humans have been ‘stealing’ honey from bees the world over to spread on our toast. In an insane plot leap he then sues the entire human race in order to get back the honey his fellow bees have slaved to make. Cue amusing court drama that pits Barry and the bees against the Honey industry in the form of shady southern style defence lawyer, excellently voiced by John Goodman.
Without wanting to ruin the plot for you – just stop to imagine if the bees won back the world’s honey lake and no longer needed to go forth and pollinate our flowers… Yep we’re talking massive eco disaster and one, which only the bees can put right. Bee Movie certainly throws lots at the screen, some of which works well – Sting getting given a hard time for choosing a bee-ist name and a superb mid air rescue of a stricken jumbo jet by millions of bees are highlights. Other bits are more ho ‘hum’ like a laboured send up of the Larry King show and an unnecessary bemusing cameo by Ray Liotta but overall Bee Movie comes out mostly smelling of roses.
My boys really lapped up all the comic touches and even though my wife took the opportunity to catch a few zzzz’s I’d recommend this as a fair family movie experience.
Those without kids however might struggle to find enough adult orientated value to make this a must see, but for a lightly amusing Festive diversion it’s either this or the Disney princess loose in the real world ‘Enchanted’ – more on that next week.
It does seem though that the CGI movie production line is in real need of some new ideas after serving up cooking rats and litigious bees… Maybe filmmakers should, erm, let it ‘bee’ for a while?

Out of 5 you have to go with slick but average 3 (come on guys, we want more quality!!)...

Darkmatters ratings :

Action ööö – Fun and madcap
Laughs ööö – Some fun to be had but not really enough
Horror ö – Nothing very grim at all
Babes öö – CGI is kind to Zellweger

Overall ööö (Worth a look!)


"look at me... I'm buzzing!!"

Darkmatters: H O M E

World War Hulk - review

"comic event of the year! Hulk Smash... the world!"

World War Hulk
Written by GREG PAK

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Destruction on an unprecedented scale... Marvel's ultimate face-off Hulk vs everyone else smackdown has finally come to its world shattering conclusion in World War Hulk #5. This has been by far my favourite comic series of '07, my sons and I have had a blast watching Hulk take apart Earth’s best heroes - respect to Greg Pak (writer) and penciling legend John Romita Jr.

At the end it is Sentry who steps up to try and end this massive conflict - can the almost limitless power of the Hulk stand against the hero who can channel the power of the million exploding suns? There's only one way to find out...


"this is what happens when two of the strongest comic book heroes ever go head to head..."

Out of 5 you have to go with butt kicking 5 (Hulk takes the comic book '07 crown)...

Darkmatters ratings :

Action ööööö – Awesome, jaw dropping - would make a great film!
Laughs öö – Not many but some wry jokes
Horror ööö – Character death...
Babes ö – Limited

Overall ööööö (Top draw... worth reading even if you don't like Hulk!!)


“Puny humans. I’ve come to smash.”

Darkmatters: H O M E