Film Review - Taken

Taken (15)

Dir. Pierre Morel

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career in the shadows, skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that will be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you. And I will kill you…”

[after a pause the kidnapper answers] “Good luck”...

Taken is a mean, slick, action flick from Luc ‘Leon’ Besson and Robert Mark Kamen which could well set a new standard for the sheer number of bad guys sent to an early grave… Liam Neeson gets his ‘Bourne’ on as Bryan Mills, an ex-CIA operative who puts his training to effective use when his daughter Kim (Maggie Grace) gets kidnapped the minute she steps outside of the US.

Director Pierre ‘District 13’ Morel delivers on the promise he showed in his early action adventure – this time blessed with a quality leading man who keeps the audience on side even when delivering unspeakable violence. Neeson certainly adds gravitas to the vengeful all shooting, all beating, role of Bryan. Within minutes of the film starting he’s in action saving a hot new singing sensation Diva (Holly Valance) from a would-be attacker, a move which helps indicate that there is much barely repressed violence just beneath the surface of this doting-but-estranged dad.

So when his daughter Kim and her cute pal Amanda (Katie Cassidy) get abducted almost as soon as they arrive in Paris, Bryan uses the next 96 hours (the time frame within which security forces generally recon that a victim has a chance of being rescued) to go ballistic on the East European scumbags responsible.

The plot might be wafer thin but that hardly matters when the action is as crunching and high octane as delivered here. Watching Bryan take down seemingly hundreds of enemies in a stylish but surprisingly brutal series of encounters is this year’s action fan nirvana. With echoes of the effective Man on Fire from a couple of years ago, this man on a mission to save his child odyssey, will have people rooting for the steely eyed bringer of justice – even when the odds seem impossibly against him.

Once the action fuse is lit, the fight scenes, chases and relentless quest of Bryan is a captivating ride, a thriller that actually thrills and doesn’t waste a second of screen time. Probably not a date movie, Taken channels of the spirit of Arnie’s infamous ‘80s’ action heroes mixing in elements of James Bond and Jason Bourne. You’ll be hard pressed to find a more exciting rampage of gun action this autumn – Bryan Mills may well muscle his way into to the all time top ten of gun slinging heroes.

"I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you - probably with my gun..."

Ye Old DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM
(all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööööö (8)
+ Deathwish fulfilment for anxious parents everywhere

Tasty Action: ööööööööö (9)
+ Serious crunching fights and gunplay, exciting stuff!

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
+ Maggie Grace is worth abducting...

Mind Blight / Boredom: öö (2)
+ Fast paced throughout

Comedic Value: öööööö (6)
+ Some nice dark comedy elements

Arbitrary final rating: ööööööööö (9)
Taken is highly recommend stress relief for anyone who wants to see bad people made to pay!!

"keeping your cherry - drives up your value!?"

Liable to make you:

"vow to wipe out half the Eastern Euro underworld"

DM Poster Quote:

"They thought they could take his daughter and get away with it.
they were miss-TAKEN!!"

Battle of the Random Killers - The Strangers vs Funny Games

Let the games begin – because you were home…

Or Matt Adcock’s thoughts on very bad things happening to people in their own homes – for our viewing pleasure.

2008 has seen at least two hard hitting horror films that cover the terrifying territory of unprovoked home invasion, torture and slaying.

Are these valid ‘what if’ scenarios which explore the darkest recesses of human barbarity? Or are we looking at two shameless sadistic horror flicks that do nothing but titillate our repressed senseless blood lust? You decide...


Here are the plots:



Funny Games (18)

Michael Haneke’s shot-by-shot remake of his own 1997 exploration of violence which sees bourgeoisie family, comprised of wife Anna, husband George, and son Georgie, take their summer vacation at their luxurious lake-front house on Long Island. Shortly after settling in, a young man by the name of Peter shows up at the front door and is joined by another young man, Paul. The men seem very polite at first, but soon, their natures are revealed when they take the family hostage and begin to play games that involve physically and mentally torturing them. The games gradually get more life-threatening, and eventually Paul makes a bet with the audience: the family will be dead by 9 am the next morning. The majority of the film focuses on whether the family will survive the night.





The Strangers (15)

"What you are about to see is inspired by true events. According to the F.B.I. there are an estimated 1.4 million violent crimes in United States of America each year. On the night of February 11, 2005 Kristen McKay and James Hoyt went to a friend's wedding reception and then returned to the Hoyt family's summer home. The brutal events that took place there are still not entirely known."

After returning from a wedding reception, a couple staying in an isolated vacation house receive a knock on the door in the mid-hours of the night. What ensues is a violent invasion by three strangers, their faces hidden behind masks. The couple find themselves in a violent struggle, in which they go beyond what either of them thought capable in order to survive.

The overall Darkmatters verdicts:

Funny Games: öööööööö (8 out of 10)
An intelligent, desperate and wilfully grim non-mainstream look into the unthinkable

The Strangers öööööö (6 out of 10)
Effective in places but somewhat lacking overall, walks in the shadow of Funny Games and Ils

Both are effectively nasty in their own way. Funny Games cleverly makes the audience implicit in the events whilst The Strangers maintains a deeper air of mystery until the end.
Neither of these films are going to make you feel any better about us as a species – but sometimes I think it’s important for cinema to challenge, to take an audience to the edge of sanity and immerse them in the darkness – at least as a viewer you have a choice…


Darkmatters poster quote:
“Staying in your own home... can be murder...”

If you likes these types of films – look out for The Poughkeepsie Tapes which looks like delivering another mother-load of unsettling nastiness…


Film reviewing
"an act by which severe pain or suffering, whether physical or mental, is intentionally inflicted on a person for such purposes of intimidation or manipulation of the reader…"

Film Review - Tropic Thunder

Tropic Thunder (15)

Dir. Ben Stiller

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

You here that noise? That’s the sound of thunder and it’s coming from your local cinema… Tropic Thunder has hit the UK and it’s going to get messy. Get ready to go down in a hail of hilarious, offensive, quick-fire war movie spoof gunfire. The thunder you’ll experience if you take this tour of duty is that of deep belly laughter.
You’ll marvel at washed up action hero Tugg Speedman (Ben Stiller), a man desperate to re-ignite his box office potential after a string of weak sequels to his one major hit ‘Scorcher.’ Cringe at fat-suit specialist / comedy star Jeff Portnoy (Jack Black) who’s fighting a losing battle against drug addiction and wants to be known for more than just fart jokes. And freak out at the ultimate heavy-duty method actor Kirk Lazarus (Robert Downey Junior) who doesn’t come out of character until he’s finished the DVD commentary track. Finally there’s Alpa Chino (Brandon T Jackson) who’s character is the face of ‘Booty Sweat’ soft drink, and a handy foil to Downey Junior who’s blacking up to play the lead black character walks a knife edge of racism.

This rag tag bunch of actors and their massive egos are inadvertently thrown into a real guerrilla war situation by bumbling Brit director Damian Cockburn (Steve Coogan). Things go pretty insane after that as the actors have to fight for their lives as well as their film careers.
There are big laughs on offer here, starting right from the off with some sublime mock trailers for each of the main character’s previous films. The audience I caught this with were in universal hysterics more than once thanks to some quality rib tickling moments.

Tropic Thunder chronicles the filming of a big budget Vietnam action epic, which gets a month behind schedule five days into the shoot thanks to the actors swanking about like Prima Donnas throwing tantrums at every turn. Faced with having the plug pulled by the studio, Cockburn helicopters his leading men deep into the jungle and the heart of darkness that awaits them.

The crown jewel here and final killer reason that Tropic Thunder is potentially the best comedy of 2008 is a welcome career comic turn from Tom Cruise as the evil studio head Les Grossman. Cruise has never been funnier (even when freaking out on Opera in real life) and Grossman is a character of potential comedy legend…

"Get some…"

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM
(all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):


Endorphin Stimulation: öööööööö (8)

+ Wrong but very very funny...


Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)

+ Fun and over the top action scenes add to the spectacle


Gratuitous Babeness: ööö (3)

+ Limited in buddy Vietnam situation!?


Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)
+ Slightly indulgent but forgivable


Comedic Value: ööööööööö (9)
+ Doesn't get much funnier than this - Tom Cruise is excellent!!



Arbitrary final rating: ööööööööö (9)
Bring the noise - this is a tropical storm of laughter



Liable to make you:
"get some"



DM Poster Quote:
“see the dude playin' the dude, disguised as another dude!"

Film Review - Pineapple Express

Pineapple Express (15)

Dir. David Gordon Green

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Red: “I'm trying to decide how stoned I am and just how on the verge of death am I right now. Like, am I seeing sh*t because I'm stoned or because I have no blood left in my body?”

Dale: “Well, you've been shot like seven times!”

All aboard the Pineapple Express – a Judd ‘Superbad’ Apatow joint which takes it’s name from a super strong and extremely smooth variety of weed (so I’m told). Here we get a heart warming tale of potheads who have to go on the run after witnessing a murder. It’s a one part stoner comedy, two parts buddy cop movie (without the cops) mixed into a seriously agreeable wacky adventure.

Pineapple Express stars Seth Rogen as Dale, he’s a guy who loves getting high and lives his whole life under the influence of doobies – he may look like a lardy loser but he’s living proof that a being funny can get the girls because his girlfriend is my current favourite leading lady / sexbomb supernova Amber Heard (I’m a big fan)… but you’ll see that if you search this site for her (use the google box top right).

Hey - on the subject of the delectable Miss Heard – anyone out there seen ‘The Beautiful Ordinary’ (possibly now renamed ‘Remember the Daze’) or You Are Here / Spin or Day 73 with Sarah as none of them have yet surfaced over here in the UK? Leave a comment if you know anything or have seen any of those Amber Heard starring movies...


"All the girls love older guys..."

Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, Pineapple Express, well it’s rude, it’s over the top and it’s quite violent too. It contains copious drug smoking and seems to fly the ‘drugs are cool and not really in any-way bad for you’ message which won’t please everyone (hi mum). Yes this kind of film has been made before but ‘friendships forged in the heat of the battle buddy films’ are rarely as engaging or cool as this one. It has real heart and will make you laugh, cry and hug people around you…

If for nothing else Pineapple Express is worth the price of admission to see the excellent car chase, Angie’s family and their dysfunction bickering as they attempt to flee armed drug dealers and a whacked out shootout climax.

As the pot testing Private Miller says in the opening scene:”I feel like a slice of butter melting all over a big ol’ pile of flapjacks … yeah.”

It’s just that kind of film…

“BFFF man” – that’s going to catch on!!

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööö (7)
+ Wrong in many ways, but funny and slick too

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)
+ More than you might expect from a comedy, it’s good stuff too

Gratuitous Babeness: ööööööööö (9)
+ Oh Amber… If was like ten years younger and not married I’d be stalking you for sure!

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööö (4)
+ Tight like a tiger, will keep you glued

Comedic Value: öööööööö (8)
+ Some very funny bits here

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööö (8)
A high old time – lots of dubious fun…

Liable to make you:
"get the munchies'"

DM Poster Quote:
“who’ll be standing when the smoke haze clears? and will they remember anything?"

Amber Heard fans... check out his cool foreign poster for Never Back Down:


There are some great photos of Miss Heard over at: Friendly Atheist (hope their friendly enough to accept a humble link from this believer's blog)...

Film Review - Eden Lake

Eden Lake (18)

Dir. James Watkins

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

If you go down to the woods today, watch out for the chav hoodies from hell (or Eden Lake at least) because these kids don’t play nice. In fact James Watkins’ new gruelling British chiller is enough to promote widespread Paedophobia - the fear of children - because as any Daily Mail reader will tell you, they’re just waiting to pounce if you so much as look at them wrong.
Eden Lake tells the unhappy but culturally savvy tale of a sweet couple on the brink of getting engaged who get more than they could possibly imagine when they confront a group of rowdy teenagers. Jenny (the excellent Kelly Reilly) is a stereotypically lovely primary school teacher who goes away for a romantic weekend with her nice boyfriend Steve (Michael ‘300’ Fassbender). There is an eerie sense of impending doom from the very start, cleverly built up in a style that makes this feel like an English Countryside Chainsaw Massacre – just with knifes instead of chainsaws. An effective feeling of menace is created by the couple’s first encounters with the unfriendly and uncouth locals in the Bed and Breakfast they stay in en route to Eden Lake – a picturesque lakeside beauty spot scheduled for development into new gated community of luxury housing.


"boys will be boys, erm, I mean vicious knife wielding louts..."

What starts out as an unfortunate run in with head boy Brett (Jack O'Connell), his Rottweiler and gang of aggressive, foul-mouthed pals soon becomes a nightmare of unthinkable violence. Before you can say ‘I don’t like the look of those kids’ Steve and Jenny find themselves the prey in a deadly game of cat and mouse. The tension is kept strong and the violence that ensues is a bleakly possible ‘what if’ where decent adults are terrorised by feral youth which include the talented young Thomas ‘This is England’ Turgoose.
There is likely to be a media storm around this hard hitting, turbo charged horror which explores issues such as how the social fabric of Britain has been broken to the point where parents raise children who have absolutely no moral compass. There are images in Eden Lake that will stay with you long after the credits roll including the sight of the gangs’ token female impassively filming the torture of one of the couple on her mobile.
Parent or not, you’ll be urging the heroes on even when they have to resort to deadly violence themselves in order to try and survive. Oh, and if you think the kids are rotters, just wait till you meet the parents!!


"She realised that she wasn't cut out for her new job in the AA"

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööööö (9)
+ Grips like a beartrap to the neck

Tasty 'sick' Action: öööööööö (8)
+ Damn this is hard horror action - not for the nervous

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
+ Kelly Reilly is hot, even covered in mud and blood...

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööö (4)
+ Cracks along, with shocks at every turn, not least the haunting ending

Comedic Value: öööööö (6)
+ The humour at the start runs dry as the horror escalates

Arbitrary final rating: ööööööööö (9)
Thoroughly nasty but highly watchable

Liable to make you:
"beat the next hoodie you meet to a pulp 'just in case'"

DM Poster Quote:
“like father like son... God help us!!"

Film Review - The Duchess

The Duchess (12a)

Dir. Saul Dibb

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Two’s company but three is definitely a crowd when it comes to marriage and thus is the case in Saul ‘Bullet Boy’ Dibb’s new film which chronicles of the life and loves of 18th century aristocrat Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire (Keira Knightley).
Married off by her parents as a teenager to Ralph Fiennes’ stuffy and emotionally detached Duke who is only after one thing… a male heir… Georgiana’s life becomes one of both opulence and misery, compounded by her only having female children.
Despite being a stunning beauty and social ‘it girl’ the Duchess is trapped in a tragic loveless marriage which gets worse when her husband who takes a live-in mistress right under her nose. Stop me if this sounds at all familiar… Much has been made of the fact that Princess Diana was a descendent of the Devonshire clan and it seems poignant that one of her ancestors walked a lonely loveless marriage so many years before her.
Knightley looks the part and gives good posh, her pretty frame and wicked pouting smile perfectly fitted to the regal role. But try as she might, nothing can prevent her being blown off screen by Fiennes whose Duke is the monstrous, heartless, scene-stealing villain.
Rejected and marginalized by her hubby, the Duchess looks for love outside her marriage with up-and-coming politician Charles Grey (Dominic ‘Mamma Mia’ Cooper), who my wife said wasn’t quite hunky enough to satisfy. Things end in scandal, tears and heartbreak but curiously despite good acting from all concerned and stylish production values, the end result left me a bit cold. I was hoping for a bit more spice, passion or meaty tugging of the heartstrings but having said that there is still much to admire.
The lovely Hayley Atwell stars as the Duke seducing Bess and is certainly one to look out for in the upcoming Brideshead Revisited, which may well overshadow this in terms of emotional engagement. The Duchess is a fine film, but despite the gorgeous landscapes, impressive architecture and great costumes, there’s something missing here and I suspect that it’s real beating heart.
I can recommend The Duchess to those looking for a sumptuous slice of period drama, but don’t expect to be shaken, stirred or emotionally engaged, – just sit back and let the stunning visuals wash gently over you.


"hats off to a fine looking film"

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööö (6)
+ Tragic story that doesn't go on too long

Tasty Action: ööööö (5)
+ Sumptuous scandal scenes but not action packed

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
+ Knightley is hot, and she even has some girl on girl!?

Mind Blight / Boredom: öö (2)
- Nothing here to make you snooze

Comedic Value: öööööööö (8)
+ Tons of crackling comic one liners - Ritchie is on form

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööö (6)
Lovely but cold

Liable to make you:
"fall for Keira"

DM Poster Quote:
“the only man not to love the Duchess of Devonshire was her husband!?"

Film Review - ROCKNROLLA

ROCKNROLLA (15)

Dir. Guy Ritchie

Reviewed by Matt Adcock


A ‘RocknRolla’ can be defined as a someone who wants it all – the good life, the money, the girls, the power… It’s the rock and roll lifestyle turned up to the max. So who better is there to bring the compulsive dodgy world of a RocknRolla to the big screen than Guy ‘Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels’ Ritchie?

After the slight misstep of ‘Revolver’ and the chronic failure of ‘Swept Away’ starring his famous Mrs, Ritchie blasts back to the big time with this overload of sex, thugs and rock ‘n roll. RocknRolla is a tall tale of high crime set in modern day London, populated with a sparkling assortment of low lifes. Gerald ‘300’ Butler stars as One Two, a likable but shady fella who wants to tap into the London property market. He gets caught up in a dangerously tangled web of corrupt politicians (an excellent Jimi Mistry), Russian billionaires (Karel ‘Hellboy’ Roden) and old school London Crime Bosses (Tom Wilkinson). It seems that there’s some easy money for One Two and his mates to liberate from the Russian, thanks to the tip off from the double-crossing gorgeous financier Stella played by Thandie Newton. But taking seven millions euros is likely to attract serious attention from a host of wrong-uns and the stakes escalate to the point where nobody is safe. The wild card in the mix is the RocknRolla of the title named Johnny Quid (Toby ‘Wilderness’ Kebbell), presumed dead, but very much alive – Johnny takes a fancy to his mob boss father’s painting, looking to support his drug habit. Only it’s not his dad’s painting, it’s on loan from the Russian billionaire, who is keen to get his ‘lucky’ painting back.

Everything zips along with lightening pace and a supremely stylish visual look that is achingly hip. The dangerous London underworld has probably never looked so good and anyone who enjoyed the dodgy dealings of Snatch or Layer Cake is in for an absolute treat. RocknRolla is potentially the coolest film of the year, the cast are excellent, the script sparkles with humour and is packed with twists and memorable scenes. This is a culture clash of seismic proportions exploring what happens when the hungry new criminal element from the East come face to face with the entrenched London mob. Excitingly for action crime flick fans, the end credits even promise a sequel… Nice one!!



"Newton plays it cool, but then just about everyone does in RockNRolla!"

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööö (7)
+ It's not new, but it is cool

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)
+ Slick and effective, some great chases and gunfights etc

Gratuitous Babeness: ööööööö (7)
+ Newton is a foxy minx for sure

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööö (4)
+ Nothing here to make you snooze

Comedic Value: öööööööö (8)
+ Tons of crackling comic one liners - Ritchie is on form

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööö (8)
Cracking crime caper - worthy of your attention

Liable to make you:
"want to be a RockNRolla"

DM Poster Quote:
“The next generation of mobster has arrived"

Matt is home (Beta)

Matt has gone 'home'

As a big PS3 fan (with a growing Trophy habit) I was very very pleased to find an invite to be one of the chosen few UK asked to participate in the fabled second life style game interface 'home'...

Sworn to secrey lest Sony's assassins find and kill me - I will just say that from what I've experienced so far, 'home' is going to change the face of console gaming as we know it...

It's slick, it's cool and it is getting ever nearer release - if you've got or are thinking of getting a PS3, get excited because 'home' is going to seriously enhance your experience - forget the Wii Miis or the cartoony new Xbox 360 dashboard avatars... Sony are the daddy and soon we'll all be going home...

More on this when I'm allowed to say!?

ADDITIONAL CONTENT:

Here's my mate Mike (dressed as Indiana Jones, chatting to Alan from Modern Toss about 'home'):

"genius"

Film Review: Star Wars - The Clone Wars

Star Wars: The Clone Wars (PG)

Dir. Dave Filoni

Reviewed by Matt 'Skywalker' Adcock

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... there was simply too much money to be made not to bring out another Star Wars film.So here are the stylised CGI Clone Wars, which see the Galactic Republic clones and Jedi battling the evil Separatists led by nefarious Count Dooku (Christopher Lee). Fitting in neatly between Episodes Two and Three, The Clone Wars aims to weave a plot-linking tale that encompasses most of the Star Wars characters.And much to my delight, this animated romp delivers a much more fun Star Wars tale than any of the last three live action prequels! For once the plot is kept reasonably simple – Obi-Wan Kenobi and one day Lord Vader Anakin Skywalker are the main Jedi here, who get caught up in a plot concerning Jabba the Hutt's offspring whilst breaking in new young Padawan apprentice Ahsoka Tano. Everything cracks along at a good pace, there's humour, menace and much butt kicking. It doesn't skimp on the 'war is hell' messaging either, and there is much sacrifice, plenty of honour and lots of treachery exhibited by the various warring factions.The Clone Wars pulses with real meaty action that rarely lets up and the freedom to do pretty much anything thanks to the animated world results in some jaw-droppingly audacious scenarios, which would cost untold millions to attempt in any other format. This is basically Star Wars fan wish-fulfilment for those who felt that the prequel trilogy lacked enough action and excitement.Sure the dialogue hasn't got any less clunky and those who don't know their Wookies from their Phantom Menaces might take a while to acclimatise to the world of Jedi, droids and Sith, but Star Wars: The Clone Wars will delight those who still hold dear the ways of The Force. Don't listen to those nay-sayers who have been turned by the Dark Side – the Force is certainly strong in this new film!


Star Wars is still a 'force' to be reckoned with!


DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööö (7)
+ Star Wars fans get the prequel they've been wanting!!

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)
+ Animated Jedi ass kicking, bring it!

Gratuitous Babeness: ööööööö (7)
+ I know it's wrong but I quite fancy Ahsoka

Mind Blight / Boredom: öö (2)
+ Over too quickly to get boring...

Comedic Value: öööööööö (8)
+ This has some decent laughs, why can't the live action SW films be a fun?

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööö (8)
The Force is crackling through my veins again

Liable to make you:
"sign up as a Jedi (again)"

DM Poster Quote:
“Just when you thought the force had gone..."

ADDITIONAL CONTENT:

Look out for Matt's review of new PS3 game 'The Force Unleashed' (link to follow)

Did you know: Matt's reviews can also be read in the following UK weekly newspapers - The Luton News, The Milton Keynes Citizen and The Biggleswade Chronicle?

Random trivia:

1. Matt named his eldest son 'Luke' after Luke Skywalker... Just so he could say to him "Luke, I AM YOUR FATHER"
2. Matt's younger son 'James' wants to be a Jedi when he grows up...

Film Review: The Mummy - Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (12a)

Dir. Rob Cohen

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

When there’s serious adventuring to be done everybody knows that there’s only man who fits the bill… a certain Mr Indiana Jones. But what if Indy is off tackling mysterious crystal skulls? Well, then you might consider Rick O'Connell (played by Brendan ‘The Mummy’ Fraser) and his wife Evelyn (Maria ‘Not in The Mummy’ Bello, who pretends she’s Rachel Weisz from the previous two Mummy films).
Yes hot on the dusty heels of Indy’s big screen return stumbles the third of The Mummy films which have tried hard up until now to be almost passable Indy substitutes. Alas
Tomb of the Dragon Emperor is the worst Mummy by a mile, utterly devoid of merit and serving only to show that even when Indy is having a bit of an off day – he’s still head and shoulders better than this risible mind numbing ‘adventure’.
So this time the Mummy causing the trouble is an ancient Chinese emperor (played by an embarrassed looking Jet Li), seems he took over most of the civilised world back in his day and has now returned to grasp immortality and finish his plans for world domination.
Director Rob ‘Stealth’ Cohen is on a major losing streak at the moment, and given that his next film is entitled ‘King of the Nudies‘ I’m not holding out a great deal of hope for that to break his trend of virtually unforgivably bad movies. With nothing but a crack team of CGI artists to try and keep it afloat, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor blatantly ‘borrows’ elements from Jones’ adventures such as a Shanghai nightclub scene, the central character having to find the elixir of immortality after being mortally wounded and even an action theme that evokes bullwhips and wisecracks.
Sympathy has to go to John Hannah who is lumbered with some of the worst on screen dialogue ever (and who has to try and milk a laugh from being sicked on by a yak) – he must really need the money.
The Mummy franchise has effectively put a bullet in it’s own head with this effort, surely the only way a Mummy 4 could be made would be if the plot followed how the script writers, producers and director of this reeking disposable waste of time and money were to be walled alive in a tomb, only to be awoken in future times where they threaten to wreak more rubbish cinematic vengeance on the world…

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öö (2)
- This is akin to microwaving your brain... it hurts and it's not fun!!

Tasty Action: ööö (3)
- Only the Yetis can look back on this with any satisfaction

Gratuitous Babeness: öööö (4)
- Bello is okay at best

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööööööö (9)
- This should be renamed - 'The Mummy: Tomb of the Mummy Franchise'

Comedic Value: ööö (3)
- You'll be laughing at the movie, not with it...

Arbitrary final rating: öö (2)
Possibly the worst film of the Decade!?

Liable to make you:
"cry"

DM Poster Quote:
“Some things are better left dead"

X-Files: I Want to Believe - competition and review

X-Files: I Want to Believe - Darkmatters Competition... UPDATE...

To celebrate the new X Files movie (review below) - the lovely folks at FOX have given Darkmatters some cool X Files swag which you can win!

All you have to do is complete this sentence in 7 words:

I want to believe that.... (your seven words go here)....

Email you answers to: Darkmatters@another.com (this one should work - apologies to those who tried the last one - aliens seemed to have tinkered with it)!!

Editor (whose decision is final) will choose best entries by the end of Aug - the swag is out there...



The X-Files: I Want to Believe (15)

Dir. Chris Carter

Reviewed by Matt Adcock


“I think maybe the darkness finds us…”

There’s a weird guy outside, says he wants to tell you something he’s seen. I know the chap, he’s a one time priest named Father Joe (an over the top but convincingly odd Billy Connolly), mumbling about having visions of missing people, oh and he’s weeping blood. Think it’s time to call Agents Mulder and Scully – who have witnessed almost every conceivable freaky “unexplainable” situation and surely the best suited individuals to sort out this kind of strangeness.
You see The X-Files: I Want to Believe feels like the perfect closing episode of the long running and much loved TV Series (and sequel to the one not quite loved as much X Files film from 1998). This time the story picks up years after Fox Mulder (David Duchovny) and Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson) have left the FBI, each still holding true to their unshakable world views - his quest for the truth that is ‘out there’ and her passionate, intelligent scepticism, which she has channelled into being a brilliant doctor. Carter directs exactly like he’s making an extended extra episode for TV and for every interestingly well shot scene, like a snowy auto abduction, there are several po-faced expositions filling in the blanks for those need to be spoon fed the plot.
But before you can say ‘mysterious abductions’ the dynamic duo are thrown back into the dangerous and kooky /sinister investigative world of cases the FBI can only shrug their shoulders at. Fortunately for everyone the now civilian heroes haven’t lost their knack for cracking horrific crimes which are complicated by paranormal elements and The X-Files: I Want to Believe spins a nicely freakish puzzle for them to try and solve. Just in case a dodgy psychic priest and shadowy illegal body part nabbing conspiracy who have more than a passing interest in swapping heads around isn’t enough – there’s also a tear jerking medical case of a young boy facing an incurable disease which Scully can’t accept defeat over. It’s all very cheesy, the supporting characters are barely interesting and the format feels very retro but if you’ve ever been an X Files fan (and I was such a fan back in the day that my two cats then were named Mulder and Scully) – it might just make you believe again and will probably shift quite a few X Files Series DVD box sets!

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööö (7)
+ Like a really good episode but no better

Tasty Action: öööööö (6)
+ Nice in places but could have done with more

Gratuitous Babeness: ööööö (5)
+ Scully isn't all she used to be...

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)
- Some slogging through the cheese to be done

Comedic Value: öööö (4)
+ Not much except for some visual references

Arbitrary final rating: öööööö (6)
Solid but not spectacular

Liable to make you:
"wonder if the truth might not actually be out there after all"

DM Poster Quote:
“who you gonna call?"

The Dark Knight review 'heavy duty Batman joy'

The Dark Knight (12a)

Dir. Christopher Nolan

Reviewed by Matt Adcock


“Some men aren't looking for anything logical. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.” And the world of Batman burns in blazing style thanks to an incredible reimagining of The Joker in The Dark Knight. Director Christopher ‘The Prestige’ Nolan follows up 2005’s excellent Batman Begins with a powerhouse epic based on the iconic comic book hero’s greatest challenge.
The Dark Knight sees Batman having brought his own brand of extreme justice to the mean streets of Gotham, he’s tamed the mob and put real fear into the hearts of the underworld. But just as Harvey Dent the new crusading District Attorney (Aaron Eckhart) is appointed and looks to cement a crime free future, the criminal elements are about to be galvanised by a psychotic madman / criminal genius named The Joker (Heath Ledger).


"you will believe too..."

So the stakes are raised for Batman / Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) – how do you fight an enemy with an irrational lust for chaos? Welcome to a world without rules where the gloves are off and no one is safe. This is bleak, dark material, a million miles away from the camp knockabout of Joel Schumacher’s Batman and Robin, and so much the better for it. The Dark Knight is grim, violent and unsettling in places (certainly not a family movie) but equally wildly exciting and thought provoking too. Who’d have thought that a comic book tale could deliver potentially the best film of 2008? I have to note Ledger’s performance as The Joker as it is the stuff of legend, he even blows Jack Nicholson’s performance from Tim Burton’s Batman away and he will be very sadly missed.Are there any weaknesses in this fantastically assembled masterpiece? Well, if you want to be picky it is a bit long but that’s not really much of a grumble. My only real disappointment was that Maggie Gyllenhaal's Rachel 'didn’t quite work as well as Katie Holmes' (never thought I’d be writing that).
Her only memorable moment comes when she lands a kick in the Joker’s privates – he quips:
“A little fight in ya. I like that!”
But is immediately upstaged by Batman who appears and adds:
"Then you're going to love me…”
delivered whilst punching him full in the face!?



DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööööö (9)
+ The Dark Knight delivers...

Tasty Action: ööööööööö (9)
+ Batman has never rocked so hard

Gratuitous Babeness: ööööö (5)
+ Gyllenhaal is cute but not stunning

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)
+ Not much padding but could have been a bit sharper

Comedic Value: öööööö (6)
+ Some nice dark humour

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööööö (10)
Kapow… this is an altogether awesome film, see it as soon as you can (and it looks absolutely stunning in IMAX too).

Liable to make you:
"fall for the big black bat"

DM Poster Quote:
“cross the line..."

WALL -E review 'space the final funtier'

WALL·E (U)

Dir. Andrew Stanton

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Buckle up for an adventure beyond the ordinar-E… Pixar have done it again – creating yet another marvellous digital piece of entertainment that packs a real sucker punch message about what we’re doing to the planet.
Star of the show is WALL – E, a cute cleaner / recycler-bot who has spent 700 years trying his best to clean up planet earth which we have utterly devastated through big brand consumerism and our fully disposable culture. All the humans have jumped ship into space on a luxury star cruise liner where their every need is taken care of – even to the point that no-one even needs to leave their floating chairs. Back home, WALL – E has gotten a little eccentric after his years of solitude, his only pal is a cockroach and he spends his evening watching an ancient video of ‘Hello Dolly’ - so its not a total surprise that he’s a few bolts short of his set. One day his world is literally shattered when sleek sexy ipod-alike super robot named EVE arrives on a secret mission, WALL – E is totally smitten and believes that the companion of his dreams has been delivered. But the course of true robot love doesn’t run smooth and there’s real fun to be had on this interplanetary tale that might just see our robotic heroes saving the world en route to a happy ever after.
Andrew ‘Finding Nemo’ Stanton writes and directs with eye popping visual flair and delivers a plot that beats with an authentic human heart underneath the shiny metal surface. There are quality film references and thought-provoking elements which set this apart from most kiddie focused animated flicks. In fact I’d call WALL – E a modern day classic; a faintly disturbing future vision / morality tale dressed up in super fusion CGI eye candy.
Pixar’s reputation for quality is well earned and I can see WALL – E finding a place in many people’s hearts as a new icon of great cinema. Striking just the right balance between indulgent technological marvels and gripping entertainment, I witnessed this with my two sons (11 and 8) who both thoroughly enjoyed it too. WALL – E will take you to the final ‘fun’tier…
It seems that after 700 years of doing what he was built for – WALL -E's finally discovered what he's meant for – and that is to entertain the entire family not just this summer but for years to come.

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööööö (9)
+ Fun and frothybut not substantial

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)
+ Pixar deliver the goods at several points

Gratuitous Babeness: öööö (4)
+ Depends largely on how you feel about Apple equipment...

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööööööö (8)
+ Jaw dropping animated joy will keep you hooked

Comedic Value: öööööö (6)
+ Not a laugh riot but some real fun to be had

Arbitrary final rating: ööööööööö (9)
Really quite wondeful stuff - worth seeing twice at least!

Liable to make you:
"stroke your ipod"

DM Poster Quote:
“a hero will be found... among the ruins of our planet"

Additional Info…

Best line:

Captain (Jeff Garlin): “This is called farming! You kids are gonna grow all sorts of things! Vegetable plants, pizza plants... it's good to be home!”

If you like WALL – E you’ll probably also like: Short Circuit, Star Wars, Finding Nemo…

You might like to know: WALL – E stands for ‘Waste Allocation Load Lifter-Earth-class’

And look out for: the sound WALL-E makes when he is fully charged by the sun is the same "boot up" sound that most of Apple's Macintosh computers have made since circa 1996.

Mamma Mia! - the 'take a chance on me' review

Mamma Mia! (PG)

Dir. Phyllida Lloyd

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Isn’t that just typical, you’re a young bride-to-be trying to find your real father and suddenly through the ‘magic’ of Abba three show up at once… This is the premise for Mamma Mia! the big screen version of the hit musical stage show from top British theatre director, Phyllida Lloyd.

You see twenty years ago, Meryl Streep’s Donna went for a spot of sun, sea and romance on a Greek island, but after a knock back from her chosen man (Pierce Brosnan’s Sam) she got busy with two other fellas – Harry (Colin Firth) and Bill (Stellan Skarsgard). Now the chickens have come home to roost because even though nobody knows for sure which is the resulting child Sophie’s (Amanda Seyfried) real dad – thanks to a quick peruse of her mum's diary - she manages to invite all three potential fathers to her wedding… But to quote the classic line from Highlander – "there can be only one"… and so the stage is set for a sing-along romantic comedy that plays the stage show against a lush Mediterranean picture postcard backdrop.

How you feel about Mamma Mia will depend on your love for Abba, this isn’t your average musical with a ‘burst into song’ moment at strategic intervals, this is a full on disco karaoke overdose of 70’s pop, dance routines and slapstick episodes often featuring Julie Walters falling over.

Some people will love the resulting over the top camp overdose, which drips Greek cheese from every orifice; others are likely to run screaming in panic from the cinema. It’s certainly an experience and although not strictly my ‘cup of tea’ I must confess that the movie has energy and is a lot more fun than Sex In The City. Colin Firth manages to stake his Alpha Male claim as the suitors playfully tussle for the heart of Donna – the ex Mr Darcy even stealing some of the scenes at the end.
Meryl Streep does an amazing job as the reformed wild child, rediscovering her relationship with Sam and getting to know her daughter again in the way that can only happen on screen.

As they say "The Winner Takes It All" and the winner here is undoubtedly the film studio, laughing all the way to the bank as the wider audience the cinema gives the show brings in the “Money Money Money”.

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööö (5)
+ Fun and frothybut not substantial

Tasty Action: ööööö (5)
+ Camp dance moves ahoy!

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööö (6)
+ Amanda Seyfried you would, Meryl Streep maybe not so much...

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööööööö (8)
- This will drag like a broken leg if you don't like ABBA

Comedic Value: öööööö (6)
+ Yep watching people fall over is funny - music or not...

Arbitrary final rating: ööööö (5)
If you liked the stage show add two more stars.

Liable to make you:
"into a dancing queen..."

DM Poster Quote:
“You have been warned!"

Much Ado About Lauren - the 'summer comedy smash hit from Luton' review

Much Ado About Lauren (12a)

Dir. Dave Jenkins

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

It’s a timeless tale – boy next door meets and falls for pretty girl, pretty girl likes sporty floppy haired hunk better, but enough about my younger life – this is also the plot for Luton’s first blockbuster big screen epic… Okay so the plot isn’t a million miles away from a million other movies but Much Ado About Lauren, isn’t like those other movies. This Bedfordshire odyssey hails from the unique brand of filmmaking that can be readily identified as a ‘Wade Bros production’ – yes they of the weird and wonderful short You Tube hit film franchise The Woods. Here thanks to a witty script (by Dave ‘yeah I also directed this’ Jenkins), spirited performances from a talented young cast and a massive dose of feel good magic, Much Ado About Lauren comes out swinging as this year’s surprise summer teen comedy hit.

At the sold out Cineworld charity premiere this week Much Ado About Lauren punched way above its zero budget in terms of entertainment, delivering some classic scenes of mirth infused with real teen pathos as it charted the story of love’s often rocky path through a modern high school. Shot on location in and around Luton the film stars the widely tipped future Hollywood leading man Simon Wade (think Daniel Day Lewis but blonder and younger) as the unlucky in love Greg. But just as school playwright Greg finds shapely new girl Lauren (Abi-Louise Murray) to be the answer to his youthful fantasies, she only has eyes for the meat-headed school rugby captain.

What’s a young chap to do? Especially when he has a cute but completely demented stalker fan (pure over the top comic class from Sophia Guinchard) tracking his every move… Add to the mix a show stealing turn by elder sibling Tom Wade as his on screen slacker brother ‘Lenny’ – deserving of his own spin off road trip movie surely and even older Wade brother Paul as a compromised drama teacher, stir in some goofy friends and splice with heart warming antics… Before you can say the words ‘cult comedy classic’ you’ll be laughing, crying and singing along to the catchy soundtrack – probably all at the same time. The cast all give 110%, the cinematography is crisp and the special effects budget well used (there wasn’t one)…

All in all Much Ado About Lauren is a roaring success that bodes very well for future flicks from Jenkins and / The Wade Bros. Luton can stand up and be proud of this fine slice of school yard heartbreak comedy – the world should take note!

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööö (7)
+ Quality writing and production all round

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)
+ Eye watering set pieces are great!

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
+ Special mention to Gillian Van Der Merwe whose ‘babeblicious’ cameo is awesome

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööö (3)
- Zips along without a dull moment

Comedic Value: öööööööööö (9)
+ Side splittingly funny in places

Arbitrary final rating: ööööööööö (9)
Respect is due to the Wade Bros!!

Liable to make you:
"Wish you back in high school"

DM Poster Quote:
“Nothing can prepare you for the ultimate adventure... love"

Hancock - the 'he's good but he's no Adcock' review

Hancock (12a)

Dir. Peter Berg

Reviewed by Matt Hancock


Hancock (originally going to be titled ‘Adcock’ but changed due to legal reasons) tells the tale of an immortal being that walks amongst us. Stronger, faster and invulnerable to damage Hancock is a true superhero but he’s also fully human in that he has issues with self-esteem and interfacing with the public…
Will Smith plays this flawed protector whose subversive ‘just don’t care’ tendencies mean that when he saves the day, there’s usually a multimillion dollar amount of collateral damage that goes along with it.
Hancock has been miss-sold as a comedy Hancock by the superb trailer which showboats some the best scenes such as the hero casually tossing a massive beached whale back into the ocean (inadvertently destroying a luxury yacht in the process) or chasing down a car full of gun toting crooks but wrecking most of the freeway.
What you actually get is a funky superhero relationship drama, which begins with some killer funnies and develops into a darker origins tale. Can the controversial antihero be reformed and made into a loved public champion – a seemingly chance encounter with a PR professional Ray (Jason Bateman) might just be the chance he needs… But what’s with the secretly guarded looks that Ray’s wife Mary (Charlize Theron) is giving Hancock? And why should the ultimate man of steel be such a cantankerous misery guts when he could potentially be loved and worshiped as the people’s champion? There’s just enough mystery to keep you playing along when the comedy dries up and standard super hero action takes over.
But I must say that those coming to see a ‘Super Bad Boys’ will find themselves scratching their heads and leaving vowing never to trust a film trailer again.
Smith is excellent however whether snarling at friends and foes to begin with, handling the adult natured slap stick of shoving one convicts head up another’s backside or rising to his noble calling and saving a policewoman injured and pinned down by automatic gunfire happy bank robbers.
The tone of the film is certainly uneven but there was a lot of love for Hancock in the screening I was in – one viewer even shouting out words of encouragement when the hero finds himself in mortal peril. A point to note though is that this isn’t a very kid friendly vehicle with profanity and adult natured scenes throughout.
If looking for a hot new comedy I also saw the premier of Luton’s finest Wade Brothers first big screen movie ‘Much Ado About Lauren’ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leZ8sAmbipA – it’s an awesome effort, so click here and track down where you might be able to get a copy!

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööö (8)
+ Nice ideas that will please super hero fans more than action comedy junkies...

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)
+ Some truly memorable set pieces.

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
+ Theron is a hottie, no doubt in my mind

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)
- Not the film many will be expecting from the cool trailer

Comedic Value: öööööööööö (9)
+ Very funny in places but a comedy overall

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööö (8)
Big Willie does superhero crisis in style

Liable to make you:
"wonder if you're wife is actually a superhero..."

DM Poster Quote:
“We've been sent a new saviour - but he's bit of a boozer alas"


"When Hancock lets one rip, the taxpayer picks up the bill..."

Plurk Me!!

Plurk.com

The Dark Knight...

"Oh baby... JOKER is my favourite bad guy!!"


"I couldn't be more excited about this... IMAX anyone!?"

gotta love this dialogue...

Bank Manager:
"The criminals in this town used to believe in things. Honor. Respect. Look at you! What do you believe in? What do you believe in!?"

The Joker:
"I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger."

Click through here to the infamous FILMSTALKER and watch 5 wonderful minutes of what just might be my film of the year!!
LINK: http://www.filmstalker.co.uk/archives/2008/07/the_dark_knight_five_minutes_o.html

Wanted - the 'are you a wolf or a sheep' review

Wanted (18)

Dir. Timur Bekmambetov

Reviewed by Matt Adcock


It's a choice, that each of us must face:

…remain ordinary, pathetic, beat-down, coasting through a miserable existence, like sheep herded by fate…

…or take control of your own destiny and join us, releasing the caged wolf you have inside…

As a massive fan of the Mark Millar and J. G. Jones graphic novel (which really put the ‘graphic’ into the novel) upon which this is loosely based, I’ve been anticipating Wanted ever since it was announced. It’s the story of chronic loser Wesley Gibson (the excellent James McAvoy), a downtrodden hypochondriac whose girlfriend is sleeping with his best friend and whose lardy boss at his dead-end job lives to make his life hell every single day. Could this Wesley actually be the son of the world’s greatest ever assassin? Might he have an intrinsic killer instinct and be blessed with unnatural ability to curve bullets in mid flight? Yes it’s another one of those geeky heroes who get their wildest wishes fulfilled plotlines but here it is played out as the ultimate balls-to-the-wall action overload.

Wanted should be your first choice this summer for violent high octane, seriously over the top adventure. Timur ‘Daywatch’ Bekmambetov directs the insane pulse pounding action channelling the spirit of Fight Club, Die Hard and The Matrix all at the same time!

From the second that the scales fall from Wesley’s eyes and he enters a world of fast cars, big guns and a badass new girlfriend / mentor named ‘Fox’ (a stunning Angelina Jolie), you can do nothing but buckle up and enjoy the ride. The superhero / villain plot of the graphic novel has been ejected and replaced with a real world secret society of assassins who ‘kill for Fate’ back story. This actually works really well but might disappoint some fans of the Millar original. Anyway, Wesley undergoes a brutal training regime in order to hone his killing skills - his eventual target a rogue assassin named Cross (Thomas Kretschmann) who murdered his father.
Morgan Freeman is on hand as Sloan – leader of the Fraternity who employ this roster of killers and the crunching action builds up to a supremely satisfying climax.


"Jolie as 'Fox'... by name and nature!"

Scenes where the hero has two guns and takes on a host of enemies can be awesome such as in The Crow or Equilibrium but Wanted sets a new benchmark with a truly jaw dropping gunfight. And this comes hot on the heels of the spectacular fights, car chases, assassinations and general devastation delivered throughout; basically this is stupid set-piece action heaven.

Wanted puts McAvoy in the big league for leading man roles and blows the competition away in terms of hardcore action entertainment… bring on the sequel ASAP!!

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööö (8)
+ Top draw wish fulfilment on many levels

Tasty Action: öööööööööö (10)
+ You won’t see better gun action all summer!

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
+ Jolie has never looked better or been cooler

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööö (3)
+ Cracks along at a great pace

Comedic Value: öööööööö (8)
+ There are some decent funnies

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööööö (10)
Essential viewing for graphic gunplay action fans!!

Liable to make you:
"quit your job, become an assassin, live by your own rules…"

DM Poster Quote:
“the answer to that big fat void in your life… is WANTED"



"did I prefer the graphic novel? sure - but both are great (and different)..."

sample dialogue:

Fox: I knew your father.
Wesley: My father died, [pause]
Wesley: the week I was born.
Fox: Your father died yesterday in the rooftop of the Metropolitan Building. He was one of the greatest assassins who ever lived.

And the other one is behind you...

P.S.
Wow, just seen The Guardian's Peter Bradshaw's review - talk about a sheep, sorry, a guy with a different and obviously valid opinion...
Guardian gets the wrong end of the comic book stick_review

Adulthood - the 'Hoodies strike back' review

Adulthood (15)

Dir. Noel Clarke

Reviewed by Matt Adcock


As Carter USM once sang: “The kids playing gangster wars, they don’t believe in Santa Claus, the baseball bats are soft of course, the blood is just tomato sauce…”

Would have been a decent track to include on the soundtrack to this hip and street sequel which plays like a ‘Episode III: The Revenge of the Kids’ to the original ‘Episode I : The Hoodie Menace’ (Kidulthood – DM review here: Hoodies ate my childhood ).

So six years have past since bad boy Sam (Noel Clarke) killed a young kid and we get to join him as he gets released from jail after doing his hard time. The film tracks him over his first day of freedom but all is not well in the hood and it’s going to be a miracle if he survives even 24hrs thanks to the revenge plans of the kids on the streets.

Director and star Clarke manages to effectively keep the feel of the first film but also to inject a deeper harshness which works in delivering the message that the world isn’t a nice place for you whether you’re a kid or an adult… or somewhere in between… Sam has undergone a kind of metamorphosis in jail, he’s still a bit of a wrong un but now he’s the closest thing we’ve got to a hero as the lovable scallywags whose mate he killed have degenerated into criminal scum partly due to losing their pal. Adam Deacon should get special mention because his character Jay, often the comic relief of both films, manages to bring real presence this time as he fights to make sense of his feelings.

The cast are mostly strong overall – as in decent for ex-EastEnders at least - even Danny ‘did you call me a ****’ Dyer chips in with his patented hard lad cameo. Those looking for a contemporary Brit thriller should find what they’re after, youth and social workers looking for case studies and learning reference points might be less delighted as this is fiction ripped from the Daily Mail view of lower classes ‘street life’ but it probably does reflect the lives of some. Sure Adulthood has a maturity missing from the original and explores the hard to vocalise feelings of young adults who just don’t feel ready for their role… Have they ‘grown up’ or are they still kids just reacting to their circumstances? The original was described as ‘a brutal assessment of inner city impoverished teens’ – whereas Adulthood is basically ‘hoodie porn’ for middle class viewers at heart.


DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööö (8)
+ Pick this to immerse yourself in an amoral world where the normal rules of society don't apply

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)
+ There’s hoodie fuelled panic on the streets of London

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (7)
+ Scarlett Alice Johnson is hot but I missed Jamie Winston

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööö (4)
+ might be too ‘yoof’ for some…

Comedic Value: öööööö (5)
+ Couple of amusing scenes but mostly grim

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööö (8)
A tasty follow up which makes for a superb double bill!

Liable to make you:
"carry a baseball bat with you at all times"

DM Poster Quote:
“violence really isn’t big or clever – it just looks big and clever here"

Teeth - the 'that's got to hurt!' review

Teeth (18)

Dir. Mitchell Lichtenstein

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Here’s a freaky little oddity / horror to get your teeth into which is liable to enjoy ‘cult classic’ status before long. Written and directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein (whose dad is a famed pop-art purveyor) Teeth takes the bizarre legend of ‘vagina dentata’ – or for those whose Latin is rusty ‘teeth in the female nether regions’ and plays for equal parts body horror and black comedy.

It’s the unhappy tale of repressed teenage virgin Dawn (Jess Weixler doing a great job with very tricky material), who finds that she can bite at both ends. Cue a suspenseful build up to her first time via a heavy handed ‘chastity is the answer’ religious abstinence group at which she speaks. Of course it’s only a matter of time however before members and digits are in jeopardy so boyfriends, evil stepbrothers and gynaecologists beware because they may be feeling a lot less of a man after meeting Dawn.

If you’re at all squeamish Teeth is certainly not for you, there are things here that will haunt you such as the sight of a detached male organ getting munched by a Rottweiler!? In fact there were more audible cries of distress in Teeth from the hardy males in the audience than I witnessed in Sex and the City… which is saying something. Leg crossing whilst watching this is pretty much involuntary as my mate Simon and I found out, the females in the cinema however seemed to be finding it all a whole lot funnier…

Apparently the legend of the toothed vagina appears in the mythology of many and diverse cultures all over the world. In these myths, the story is mostly the same - a hero must do battle with the woman and overcome her toothed creature… Yep it’s seriously alternative viewing that’s on offer here.

But despite the weirdness of the plot, the cinematography is excellent if a little purposefully 'matter of fact' – from cool Simpsons like opening shot that takes in the sinister backdrop of twin nuclear power plant cooling towers just behind the family home, you can see that this is a director with a vision. And whilst there is on screen gore and nudity, it takes a backseat to the character interaction and genuinely funny moments of dark humour such as when returning home after emasculating her befriend she is asked by her dad if she’s hungry? “No I’ve had a bite” she quips…”
Ouch!

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööö (7)
+ Lots to ponder and discuss

Tasty Action: öööö (4)
- Not really an ‘action’ flick

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
+ Jess Weixler is pretty darn hot

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)
- So ridiculous that it can be hard to take seriously

Comedic Value: ööööööö (7)
+ Very dark comedy moments throughout

Arbitrary final rating: ööööööö (7)
Approach with caution but it works for what it is…

Liable to make you:
"keep it in your pants forever!"

DM Poster Quote:
“When Dawn says ‘no’ you better listen… "


"cult classic oddity status assured"