Wanted - the 'are you a wolf or a sheep' review

Wanted (18)

Dir. Timur Bekmambetov

Reviewed by Matt Adcock


It's a choice, that each of us must face:

…remain ordinary, pathetic, beat-down, coasting through a miserable existence, like sheep herded by fate…

…or take control of your own destiny and join us, releasing the caged wolf you have inside…

As a massive fan of the Mark Millar and J. G. Jones graphic novel (which really put the ‘graphic’ into the novel) upon which this is loosely based, I’ve been anticipating Wanted ever since it was announced. It’s the story of chronic loser Wesley Gibson (the excellent James McAvoy), a downtrodden hypochondriac whose girlfriend is sleeping with his best friend and whose lardy boss at his dead-end job lives to make his life hell every single day. Could this Wesley actually be the son of the world’s greatest ever assassin? Might he have an intrinsic killer instinct and be blessed with unnatural ability to curve bullets in mid flight? Yes it’s another one of those geeky heroes who get their wildest wishes fulfilled plotlines but here it is played out as the ultimate balls-to-the-wall action overload.

Wanted should be your first choice this summer for violent high octane, seriously over the top adventure. Timur ‘Daywatch’ Bekmambetov directs the insane pulse pounding action channelling the spirit of Fight Club, Die Hard and The Matrix all at the same time!

From the second that the scales fall from Wesley’s eyes and he enters a world of fast cars, big guns and a badass new girlfriend / mentor named ‘Fox’ (a stunning Angelina Jolie), you can do nothing but buckle up and enjoy the ride. The superhero / villain plot of the graphic novel has been ejected and replaced with a real world secret society of assassins who ‘kill for Fate’ back story. This actually works really well but might disappoint some fans of the Millar original. Anyway, Wesley undergoes a brutal training regime in order to hone his killing skills - his eventual target a rogue assassin named Cross (Thomas Kretschmann) who murdered his father.
Morgan Freeman is on hand as Sloan – leader of the Fraternity who employ this roster of killers and the crunching action builds up to a supremely satisfying climax.


"Jolie as 'Fox'... by name and nature!"

Scenes where the hero has two guns and takes on a host of enemies can be awesome such as in The Crow or Equilibrium but Wanted sets a new benchmark with a truly jaw dropping gunfight. And this comes hot on the heels of the spectacular fights, car chases, assassinations and general devastation delivered throughout; basically this is stupid set-piece action heaven.

Wanted puts McAvoy in the big league for leading man roles and blows the competition away in terms of hardcore action entertainment… bring on the sequel ASAP!!

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööö (8)
+ Top draw wish fulfilment on many levels

Tasty Action: öööööööööö (10)
+ You won’t see better gun action all summer!

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
+ Jolie has never looked better or been cooler

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööö (3)
+ Cracks along at a great pace

Comedic Value: öööööööö (8)
+ There are some decent funnies

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööööö (10)
Essential viewing for graphic gunplay action fans!!

Liable to make you:
"quit your job, become an assassin, live by your own rules…"

DM Poster Quote:
“the answer to that big fat void in your life… is WANTED"



"did I prefer the graphic novel? sure - but both are great (and different)..."

sample dialogue:

Fox: I knew your father.
Wesley: My father died, [pause]
Wesley: the week I was born.
Fox: Your father died yesterday in the rooftop of the Metropolitan Building. He was one of the greatest assassins who ever lived.

And the other one is behind you...

P.S.
Wow, just seen The Guardian's Peter Bradshaw's review - talk about a sheep, sorry, a guy with a different and obviously valid opinion...
Guardian gets the wrong end of the comic book stick_review

Adulthood - the 'Hoodies strike back' review

Adulthood (15)

Dir. Noel Clarke

Reviewed by Matt Adcock


As Carter USM once sang: “The kids playing gangster wars, they don’t believe in Santa Claus, the baseball bats are soft of course, the blood is just tomato sauce…”

Would have been a decent track to include on the soundtrack to this hip and street sequel which plays like a ‘Episode III: The Revenge of the Kids’ to the original ‘Episode I : The Hoodie Menace’ (Kidulthood – DM review here: Hoodies ate my childhood ).

So six years have past since bad boy Sam (Noel Clarke) killed a young kid and we get to join him as he gets released from jail after doing his hard time. The film tracks him over his first day of freedom but all is not well in the hood and it’s going to be a miracle if he survives even 24hrs thanks to the revenge plans of the kids on the streets.

Director and star Clarke manages to effectively keep the feel of the first film but also to inject a deeper harshness which works in delivering the message that the world isn’t a nice place for you whether you’re a kid or an adult… or somewhere in between… Sam has undergone a kind of metamorphosis in jail, he’s still a bit of a wrong un but now he’s the closest thing we’ve got to a hero as the lovable scallywags whose mate he killed have degenerated into criminal scum partly due to losing their pal. Adam Deacon should get special mention because his character Jay, often the comic relief of both films, manages to bring real presence this time as he fights to make sense of his feelings.

The cast are mostly strong overall – as in decent for ex-EastEnders at least - even Danny ‘did you call me a ****’ Dyer chips in with his patented hard lad cameo. Those looking for a contemporary Brit thriller should find what they’re after, youth and social workers looking for case studies and learning reference points might be less delighted as this is fiction ripped from the Daily Mail view of lower classes ‘street life’ but it probably does reflect the lives of some. Sure Adulthood has a maturity missing from the original and explores the hard to vocalise feelings of young adults who just don’t feel ready for their role… Have they ‘grown up’ or are they still kids just reacting to their circumstances? The original was described as ‘a brutal assessment of inner city impoverished teens’ – whereas Adulthood is basically ‘hoodie porn’ for middle class viewers at heart.


DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööö (8)
+ Pick this to immerse yourself in an amoral world where the normal rules of society don't apply

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)
+ There’s hoodie fuelled panic on the streets of London

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (7)
+ Scarlett Alice Johnson is hot but I missed Jamie Winston

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööö (4)
+ might be too ‘yoof’ for some…

Comedic Value: öööööö (5)
+ Couple of amusing scenes but mostly grim

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööö (8)
A tasty follow up which makes for a superb double bill!

Liable to make you:
"carry a baseball bat with you at all times"

DM Poster Quote:
“violence really isn’t big or clever – it just looks big and clever here"

Teeth - the 'that's got to hurt!' review

Teeth (18)

Dir. Mitchell Lichtenstein

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Here’s a freaky little oddity / horror to get your teeth into which is liable to enjoy ‘cult classic’ status before long. Written and directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein (whose dad is a famed pop-art purveyor) Teeth takes the bizarre legend of ‘vagina dentata’ – or for those whose Latin is rusty ‘teeth in the female nether regions’ and plays for equal parts body horror and black comedy.

It’s the unhappy tale of repressed teenage virgin Dawn (Jess Weixler doing a great job with very tricky material), who finds that she can bite at both ends. Cue a suspenseful build up to her first time via a heavy handed ‘chastity is the answer’ religious abstinence group at which she speaks. Of course it’s only a matter of time however before members and digits are in jeopardy so boyfriends, evil stepbrothers and gynaecologists beware because they may be feeling a lot less of a man after meeting Dawn.

If you’re at all squeamish Teeth is certainly not for you, there are things here that will haunt you such as the sight of a detached male organ getting munched by a Rottweiler!? In fact there were more audible cries of distress in Teeth from the hardy males in the audience than I witnessed in Sex and the City… which is saying something. Leg crossing whilst watching this is pretty much involuntary as my mate Simon and I found out, the females in the cinema however seemed to be finding it all a whole lot funnier…

Apparently the legend of the toothed vagina appears in the mythology of many and diverse cultures all over the world. In these myths, the story is mostly the same - a hero must do battle with the woman and overcome her toothed creature… Yep it’s seriously alternative viewing that’s on offer here.

But despite the weirdness of the plot, the cinematography is excellent if a little purposefully 'matter of fact' – from cool Simpsons like opening shot that takes in the sinister backdrop of twin nuclear power plant cooling towers just behind the family home, you can see that this is a director with a vision. And whilst there is on screen gore and nudity, it takes a backseat to the character interaction and genuinely funny moments of dark humour such as when returning home after emasculating her befriend she is asked by her dad if she’s hungry? “No I’ve had a bite” she quips…”
Ouch!

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööö (7)
+ Lots to ponder and discuss

Tasty Action: öööö (4)
- Not really an ‘action’ flick

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
+ Jess Weixler is pretty darn hot

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)
- So ridiculous that it can be hard to take seriously

Comedic Value: ööööööö (7)
+ Very dark comedy moments throughout

Arbitrary final rating: ööööööö (7)
Approach with caution but it works for what it is…

Liable to make you:
"keep it in your pants forever!"

DM Poster Quote:
“When Dawn says ‘no’ you better listen… "


"cult classic oddity status assured"

Prince Caspian - the 'Philip Pullman is weeping' review

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (PG)

Dir. Andrew Adamson

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

The time has come for you to consider a return trip to the magical world of Narnia. Over a thousand years have past in the kingdom on the other side of the wardrobe and things are looking bleak. A desperate power struggle is taking place as ruthless tyrant King Mirazh seeks to secure his position by wiping out every last trace of the enchanted flora and ‘fawna’ that populate the land. A dashing young prince named Caspian – the true heir to the throne is on the run from the evil Mirazh and in his hour of need he blows the magical horn that is rumoured to summon the high kings and queens of Narnia.

The kings and queens however are busy in our world were only a year has past. So High King Peter the Magnificent, Queen Susan the Gentle, King Edmund the Just and Queen Lucy the Valiant are struggling with schoolwork, teenage angst and a new threat – romantic affections from the opposite sex. But when Caspian uses Susan's magic horn the Pevensie kids are pulled back to Narnia in a barrage of impressive special effects – no wardrobe required this time. Upon arrival they find that hundreds of years have passed, and all is not well in their beloved land. Aslan the majestic and all-powerful lion is nowhere to be seen, the mighty castle of Cair Paravel lies in ruins and the magical citizens are now endangered species.

This new darker, edgier Narnia works a treat, the living, breathing fantasy elements of the land are rendered in some of the best special effects yet created. Returning director Adamson ups the ante for this sequel, which improves on the first film in just about every way. The children are better (even Georgie Henley as Lucy thankfully managing to be less annoying than in The Lion, The Witch…).


"the kids get ready to hop dimensions back to Narnia"

As the bloodthirsty Mirazh – hammed up nicely by Sergio Castellitto, gets down to some medieval genocide with his vicious armies, Caspian – played by hunky Ben Barnes and the Pevensie kids have to rustle up a ragtag army of magical types in order to fight for truth, justice and the Narnian way. As in the first film / book there are still some good moral messages for Lewis fans to savour such as the folly of acting impulsively for personal glory but its less cloying and as the stakes are higher, the plot is very much designed to keep viewers on the edge of their seats. Forget pretenders such as The Golden Compass - this is the real deal!!

An incredible new age has begun in Narnia… and you’re invited!


"check out my move to Real Madrid..."

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööööö (9)
+ A fantastic fantasy overload of feelgood excitement!

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)
+ Wicked battle scenes that push the PG limit

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
+ Susan (Anna Popplewell) has a magic horn... say no more...

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööö (3)
+ Not a dull moment, jam packed with joyous entertainment

Comedic Value: ööööööö (7)
+ Eddie Izzard as Reepicheep is comic genius

Arbitrary final rating: ööööööööö (10)
C.S. Lewis, would be proud, this is quality fantasy fare…

Liable to make you:
"get addicted to hard core 'Fawnogaraphy'"

DM Poster Quote:
“Everything you know is about to change... for the better!"


"these baddies don't show much facial expression"

The Incredible Hulk - the 'you won't like me when I'm angry' review

The Incredible Hulk (12a)

Dir. Louis Leterrier

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Ever since my Gamma radiation overdose there are aspects of my personality that I just can't control.
And when I lose control, it's very dangerous to be around me…
Fortunately I find that going to see stupid action films at the cinema helps keep my destructive impulses in check (unless they’re rubbish in which case it just makes me angry). Anyway, it just so happens that The Incredible Hulk is the very definition of ‘stupid action film’ and it’s not rubbish either.
‘Incredible’ might be pushing it a bit though as my two superhero fan sons both declared it to be: ‘good but not as good as Iron Man’ – who makes a guest appearance at the end to set up an Avengers movie sequel…

In many ways Louis ‘The Transporter’ Leterrier delivers a decent follow up to Ang Lee’s misunderstood and generally unloved ‘Hulk’ from 2003. There’s certainly more action on offer here which builds to a crunching climactic showdown so audacious that sets a new standard for sheer over the top one-on-one fights. There’s a superb cast featuring Edward Norton, Tim Roth and Liv Tyler backed up by some fun cameos like Lou ‘I was doing this Hulk stuff back in the ‘70s’ Ferrigno. The special effects have also improved considerably – it’s hard not to break into a grin when witnessing impossible feats made to look so ‘real’ - such as when Hulk effortlessly rips a police car in half in order to fashion himself a pair of metallic boxing gloves.

The main problem here is that because the action is so great when Hulk is doing his big green angry stuff, all the human interplay that makes up the rest of the plot seems a bit dull in comparison. This roller coaster of impossibly high ‘highs’ mixed with ho hum ‘lows’ leaves the film feeling uneven and the audience counting down the minutes to the next green explosion.
The plot has lots of fun with the source material, throwing in comic moments such as when Norton has to back out of a steamy clinch with Tyler because she’s raising his pulse to the point where he might ‘Hulk out’.

If you’ve ever enjoyed Hulk from comics, TV or his other film outings – The Incredible Hulk should be seen and enjoyed on the biggest screen you can find. If you’re not a fan though you’ll probably re-title this ‘The Quite Good Hulk’ – doesn’t have the same ring to it does it?

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööö (7)
+ Smashing action - but paint by numbers emotions

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)
+ Highly satisfying when it happens

Gratuitous Babeness: ööööööö (7)
+ Liv Tyler is all kinds of sexy

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööööö (6)
- Bit too much plodding between smackdowns

Comedic Value: ööööööö (7)
+ 'You won't like me when I'm "hungry" line was a classic!

Arbitrary final rating: ööööööö (8)
- Strong comic book action which fans will love and others will like…

Liable to make you:
"sign up to military drug trials - just in case"

DM Poster Quote:
“No does 'smash' like Hulk..."

Gone Baby Gone - the 'he's so much better behind the camera' review

Gone Baby Gone (15)

Dir. Ben ‘where did my acting career go?’ Affleck

Reviewed by Matt Adcock


When I heard the words ‘gone baby gone’ and ‘Ben Affleck’ together I could only think that it was some kind of question and answer session like: ‘so Ben where did your acting career go?’ To which he replies ‘it’s gone baby, gone’.
But it is actually the title of Affleck’s highly impressive directorial debut and it seems that the former ‘Bennifer’ tabloid case study can actually deliver the goods from the other side of the camera!

Gone Baby Gone is a truly excellent crime thriller from Dennis Lehane – who also wrote Clint Eastwood’s hit Mystic River. Set on the mean streets of Boston this is a heart wrenching, edge of your seat tale of the kidnap of a young girl and the grisly moral fallout that transpires. It might not be a feel good movie but this is one which will have you comtemplating the darkest elements of human nature and the rights and wrongs of following the letter of the law for some time after the lights come up.

Starring the talented younger Affleck brother Cassey who delivers another incredible lead performance (hot on the heels of his impressive turn in The Assassination of Jesse James). Ably supported by the gritty Morgan Freeman, the mean Ed Harris and the hot Michelle Monaghan, there are simply no weak links here, and the characters are so well written that you’ll be sucked right in.

It is easy to see why the UK release of Gone Baby Gone was delayed in the light of the Madeleine McCann tragedy as the subject matter is too close for comfort and just as deeply traumatic. But nothing is quite what it seems here and a creeping sense of unease and gut level dread is well sustained.

The script sparkles with quoteable lines such as my favourite from the Det. Remy Bressant: “You gotta take a side. You molest a child, you beat a child, you're not on my side. If you see me coming, you better run, because I am gonna lay you out!” There is real wit mixed in with the macho posturing and painful recriminations.

After some killer twists and turns, in the end the plight of Helene (Amy Ryan), the mother of the missing girl, is one which will make you think and stay with you.

It seems that everyone wants the truth... Until they find it… Highly recommended.


"do we look like we believe you?"

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööööö (9)
+ Well written plot that grips and thrills...

Tasty Action: ööööööö (7)
+ Some crunching but necessary violence

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööö (6)
+ Michelle Monaghan is cute and so was the babe at cineworld we met afterwards...

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööö (3)
+ This will keep you squirming and guessing

Comedic Value: ööööööö (7)
+ Some very funny stuff and great banter

Arbitrary final rating: ööööööööö (9)
+Very strong contender for a 'top 10 of the year' place

Liable to make you:
"beat the crap out of the first nonce you meet"

DM Poster Quote:
“what's the worst that could happen?"

Sex and the City - the 'please God make it stop' review

Sex and the City (15)

Dir. Michael Patrick King

Reviewed by Matt Adcock


Females of a certain age rejoice… Sex and the City has hit the big screen and it has brought enough shoes, couture outfits and relationship problems to last you a lifetime… In the oestrogen drenched Luton Cineworld, there was a tangible sense of anticipation; either that or it was the chemical reaction of hundreds of different perfumes intermingling.
My friend Tom and I sheepishly made our way to the front of the packed screening trying to nonchalantly ignore the cat-calls and wolf whistles from the gathered females.
Two and half hours later (which felt like at least five) we stumbled for the exit having had the masculinity drained from us, our minds turned to pulp and our wills to live crushed.
Sex and the City has a massive following, is loved by many and watched by millions on TV – providing a regular dose of posh frocks, expensive shoes and ‘look we can still act like teenagers even though we’re middle aged’ girl power. And on TV it kind of worked, but unfortunately as a movie it just doesn’t have the legs to stand up against smarter, funnier and better written alternatives. Sex and the City is a bloated, extravagant overload of excess – with a bum numbing running time padded out by coma inducing simplistic plotting and generally less than agreeable characters.
Picking up about four years after the show's series finale, here we have spoilt writer Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) looking to possibly tie the knot with ‘Big’ (Chris Noth), whilst her girl pals such as the aging nympho Samantha (Kim Cattrall) fret that she’s losing her independence. Then there’s Charlotte (Kristin Davis) and Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) who each get a pet issue to neatly overcome in the extended running time. Apparently they all "still feel like single girls" whether attached or not and there’s a well framed utterly over the top montage of dresses / shoes / Louis Vuitton handbags every ten minutes or so to keep the product placement team happy.
Basically your enjoyment of Sex and the City will depend on whether you’re a fan of the show – if so then you’ll probably go home satisfied, if not then you’ll vow to avoid any re-runs on TV as it might engender flashbacks of the time you wasted watching this movie. I actually found myself loving the bit where Carries goes on a terrifying gun rampage through NYC, only wake up and find that I’d imagined it and there was still over an hour of her whining on about the size of her closet to endure… Be afraid.

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööö (3)
- I saw Tom punching himself in the face to stay awake...

Tasty Action: öööö (4)
- one okay sex scene doesn't make up for a plot which induces deep vein thrombosis of the brain

Gratuitous Babeness: ööööö (5)
+ Not really into 'older women' but they look good (for their age)

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööööö (7)
- If you don't like shoes to the point of fetish, you really might want to give this a miss

Comedic Value: öööööö (6)
+ 'it' girl pooing her pants might put a smile on your face

Arbitrary final rating: ööö (3)
- only see this if you loved the TV Series

Liable to make you:
"vomit on your fake Louis Vuitton"

DM Poster Quote:
“no real emotions were hurt in the making of this movie"

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - 'it's good to have Indy back' review

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (12a)

Dir. Steven Spielberg

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Legend says that a crystal skull was stolen from a mythical lost city in the Amazon, supposedly built out of solid gold, guarded by the living dead. It also says that whoever returns the skull to the city temple will be given control over its mind bending power. With a crack team of nasty Russians hot on the trail of the skull, there’s obviously only one person you want on your team if you’re going to try and save the day…
Step forward iconic archaeologist/adventurer Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones – okay so it may have been almost two decades since he last saw action but Indy is still the man for a job like this.
I love the original Indiana Jones trilogy passionately, in fact Raiders of the Lost Ark is one of my all time favourite movies, so it was with high anticipation that I watched the Crystal Skull. I wasn’t alone either as the two pals I went with had both dressed up as Indy complete with bull whips and hats!?

And the verdict…

Well, if you’re an Indiana Jones or any sort of action movie fan, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull will put a big smile on your face. Harrison Ford is absolutely great, it’s like he never went away. I’m also pleased to report that all the classic ‘Indy’ elements are present and correct – impossible odds, booby-trapped temples, gunfights, fistfights, daring do and high action chases. Stephen Spielberg and George ‘sorry about the Phantom Menace’ Lucas reunite with their aging leading man to deliver a solid new entry in the series. Crystal Skull a cracking adventure and brings back some welcome faces and references from the past films, whilst also introducing some new key characters to the team such as Mutt Williams (Shia ‘Transformers’ LaBeouf).

I was keen to get the thoughts of my Indy impersonating mates Mike and Jason (whose favourite film of all time is still Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom). Reaction was mixed however with Mike being pleased with the new Indy entry whereas Jason was left “lukewarm”. For my part I really enjoyed Crystal Skull and whilst it isn’t perhaps quite as classic as the originals, it still stands head, shoulders and battered Fedora above rivals such as The Mummy or Tomb Raider flicks.

I’d even be keen to see Jones return once more – maybe ‘Indiana Jones and the Bus Pass of Oblivion’?


"in style..."

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööööö (8)
+ Nicely packed with references and pleasing plot elements

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)
+ Nobody does it quite like Indy and he's still got it

Gratuitous Babeness: öööö (4)
- Not really into 'older women'

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööööö (6)
- Over high expectations can make it seem weaker than it is

Comedic Value: ööööööö (7)
+ Cracks some class funnies!!

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööö (8)
+ Indy is the man!!

Liable to make you:
"take up archaeology (again)!"

DM Poster Quote:
“Dr Jones will see you now..."

Charlie Bartlett - the 'Kat Dennings is lovely' review

Charlie Bartlett (15)

Dir. Jon Poll

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

The rapturous crowd are calling for me, I step into the spotlight and the anticipation is palpable. An expectant hush falls so I deliver my maxim: ‘Hi, my name is Charlie Bartlett and if there's one thing I want you to remember tonight, it's that you are not alone.’
Charlie Bartlett (Anton ‘this kid is going to be a major star’ Yelchin) might only be 17 but he’s wise beyond his years in such a cool way that can only really happen in movies (see Rushmore or Heathers for more proof of this).
So rich kid Charlie has been expelled from every private school in the State – not through failing grades but due to his somewhat ‘less than legal’ side ventures such as manufacturing and selling quality fake Ids for his fellow students. Now he faces a tougher challenge in having to fit in with the distinctly less privileged kids of Western Summit High – a lesson that hits home hard on his first day as he is happy slapped and dunked in the toilet by school bully Murphey (Tyler Hilton).
But Charlie is a resourceful chap and before you can say ‘useful plot device’ he has not just won over Murphey (by cutting him in on his selling prescription drugs to classmates racket) but also captured the heart of the Principal’s daughter (the awesome and rather lovely Kat Dennings). What follows is a riot of superb teen antics, laced with real emotion and held together with an irrepressibly fun script. Robert ‘Iron Man’ Downey Jr. is excellent as Charlie’s nemesis Principal Gardner and although ‘High School angst’ is a well-trodden cinematic path, Charlie Bartlett manages to be hip, savvy and altogether better than you might expect.
Director Jon Poll shows that he’s at home directing (after earning his shot by editing films such as Meet the Parents and Austin Powers). But with his straight talking / from the heart student consultation service (backed up by the prescription drug dealing) Yelchin makes Bartlett into a cinematic icon who can stand with pride alongside the likes of Juno from earlier this year. The future is bright for this young leading man – with parts in Star Trek and Terminator 4 lined up, I’d even be up to see some more Charlie Bartlett action if as Murphey tells one of the kids he’s filmed himself beating up ‘I'll see you in the sequel!’


"cute couple"

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööö (7)
+ Heartfelt teen musings

Tasty Action: öööööö (6)
+ Some cool scenes but its more drama than crunching fight movie

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)+ Kat Dennings is very very delicious!!

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)
- Some people haven’t taken Charlie to heart

Comedic Value: ööööööö (7)+ Very funny in places!!

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööö (8)
+ Essential viewing for anyone who is / was a teen!
Liable to make you:
"hug a hoodie – well if it’s Kat Dennings at least! (see below)"
DM Poster Quote:
“People like you are the reason people like me need medication…"

"Kat Dennings -gorgeous and talented!"

Mushishi - The 'what's bugging you' review

Mushishi (15)

Dir. Katsuhiro Otomo

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Some films are so weird that they almost defy classification – Mushishi absolutely falls into this category. Imagine a world where ‘Bugs’ (kind of spirits or sprites) exist in and around us. The bugs can take many forms – rainbows, words, willo-the-wisp types ephemeral creatures, smoke, light and darkness to name but a few.
Mushishi tells the unbelievably odd tale of a boy named Yoki who loses his mother and falls in with a strange ‘Bug Master’ woman named Nui – only for her to get swallowed by an enchanted lake and transform into a bug state herself. Nui condemns herself to live a bug-invested half life, existing both as a blind woman and fish made of light (if you’ve played ‘fl0w’ on the PS3 you’ll have some idea of her luminous fish form). Anyway, the boy barely survives but loses all his memories, changing his name to Ginko (the name of the eyeless fish spirit of the enchanted lake) – as you do…
The plot jumps back and forward in time between Ginko’s adventures as a Bug Master and the boy’s back-story. Weird and wonderful characters populate this magical tale including a girl who grows horns due to her bug infestation, another girl (and possible love interest fpr Ginko) who inherited the ability to transform bugs into writing and keeps endless journals detailing the various types of bugs that exist.
Of course there is a baddie in the terrible form of Takayomi (the darkness bug) and the slow, ponderous story builds up to a climactic showdown for Ginko to face off against this all powerful bug form.
Along the way you’ll see some incredible sights, the mix of live action / CGI that depicts the bugs is genuinely unnerving and there are some stunning vistas. The Japanese locations are gorgeous and the cinematography just wonderful… But despite all of the positives, I was left bemused by the film overall, perhaps this is a cultural jump too far for Western mindsets? Despite the ending taking me by surprise and a lingering sense of ‘WTF?’ I was strangely moved by this oriental oddity.
If venturing into the world of Mushishi – don’t go expecting action or Manga style battling of any kind, get ready instead for your mind to be stretched, your eyes to be feasted and your mind to be befuddled… It’s a trip worth taking but only for the prepared…

Film number 2 of the possibly really short Darkmatters ‘BUG SEASON’…

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööö (6)
- The words ‘weird and wonderful’ jump to mind

Tasty Action: ööööö (5)
- This isn’t an action movie but there are a couple of fights

Gratuitous Babeness: ööö (3)
- Not really – unless you’ve a thing for horns on the forehead?

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööööö (6)
- Those hoping for Akira like big bangs will be disappointed

Comedic Value: ööööö (5)
- Some dark comedy moments

Arbitrary final rating: öööööö (7)
- Strange and haunting, gets better as you think about afterwards

Liable to make you:
"take up bug hunting"

DM Poster Quote:
“There are things out there that we don’t understand…"


"Matt realised that the 'bug problem' may be worse than he feared"

Doomsday - the 'Mc Apocalypse' review

Doomsday (18)

Dir. Neil Marshall

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

What do you get if you cross Mad Max, Escape From New York, Aliens, 28 Days Later and maybe throw in a bit of Excalibur for fun? – In a word ‘Doomsday’.

You hear that shrieking noise though? That’s the sound of a director’s cool imagination and creative flair grinding up against the limitations of his big scale storytelling plotting ability… After serving up five star horror hits with Dog Soldiers and The Descent Neil Marshall wobbles a little with his third feature, but even Marshall on a slightly off day is still an absolute blast of guns, babes, car chases and deranged Scottish cannibals…
Seems that after a savage new virus called ‘The Reaper’ has wiped out most of the Irn Bru drinking types north of the border – those left split into two factions. The first are post apocalyptic punks a la Wild Boys or Mad Max, just hyped up a bit more due to having can of Tennants Lager to hand… Think hundreds of clones of Trainspotting’s Begbie – dressed in leather and sporting punk hairdos - brandishing all sorts of nutty weaponry, actually it was kind of like the crowds at tonight’s UEFA Cup Final!?

There are some very tasty scenes, like the initial Metal Gear alike assault on a baddie packed tanker which gets props for ‘best use of a detachable eyeball camera’ I’ve ever seen.

So cut to interior of a ravaged Scottish castle – a crazed scientist dressed as a medieval lord is ranting: “These walls around you; they were built to last, and so shall we. What we've built here, from the ashes, is pure blood. Uninfected by the outside world... until now. Ah, even now you still cling to hope, huh? If I were you, I'd abandon any such thought. There is no cure. There never was. We have prevailed here, not because of science but through natural selection. Survival of the fittest. We have earned the right to live…”

This is the kind of unexpected left field scene that works so well because this bunch of survivors have gone back to living as medieval types, complete with armour, torture devices and stuff.

Rhona ‘Soon to be in Underworld 3’ Mitra is the plucky heroine ‘Eden’ who kicks copious amount of ass and looks good whilst doing it. She gets some great lines, delivers some wicked pain on the Scots and gets to drive a superb Bentley in a frantic car chase.

There’s plenty of decapitation, mutilation and serious dismemberment – which earns the 18 rating with aplomb. It all looks good and the scenes that pay heartfelt homage to the films listed at the start of this review – so if you have any love for those then you’ll enjoy Doomsday to some extent.

Somehow though it doesn’t quite deliver on the sum of it’s parts – perhaps there’s a remixed directors cut that will redress the editing problems but until then it’s still worth a look…

Am really hoping Marshall can get his groove back for next year’s Drive which sees a Hollywood stunt performer (Hugh Jackman) moonlighting as a wheelman – who discovers that a contract has been put on him… Sounds promising!!


"the new Bentley 'gimp' advert went down a storm"

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööö (6)
- Disengaging you brain before viewing will help

Tasty Action: ööööööö (7)
- The action scenes are kinda cool, but the jump cutting edits don’t help

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
- Mitra looks great in her ass kicking jumpsuit

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööö (4)
- Doesn’t hang around long enough to be dull

Comedic Value: öööööö (6)
- Twisted comedic elements

Arbitrary final rating: öööööö (7)
- A near miss which is worth checking if you like apocalyptic action

Liable to make you:
"book a holiday in Scotland and pack lots of Tennants lager"

DM Poster Quote:
“They can take our freedom but they can never take our, oh, erm…"

"Scotish lassies know how to give a warm welcome!"

BUG - the 'Darkmatters BUG SEASON kicks off' review

Bug (18)

Dir. William Friedkin

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

If paranoia is contagious… Then I’m freaking, I'm jumping like a jumping jack and dancing screaming, itching, squealing, fevered, feeling… hot hot hot!!!

And you will be too if you take this express elevator to insanity. Bug sees Director William Friedkin evoking the genius he hasn’t showed for 30 something years – it’s a horror / thriller / mindbend of the highest order… That’s obviously a subjective experience but if you’re on the market for a metaphoric descent into the mind of a weirdo (perhaps that’s why you’re reading Darkmatters anyway?)...
Bug should be your next stop…

You could say that this is a riff on post-traumatic stress disorder but the harrowing tale of what happens when nutjob loser Peter (Michael Shannon) meets lonely waitress Agnes (Ashley Judd – giving the performance of her career) in a cheap motel is a glimpse into the very mouth of madness…

With an ominous ringing phone – a certain harbinger of creeping doom – we get to see a love story between two intensely damaged individuals… swapping dialogue like - Peter: I am the drone, to which Agnes replies: I am the mother queen.

In fact here’s my favourite scene which will give you taste:

Peter: You want to know what's going on? All right, then you listen to me, you listen to what I'm going to tell you, because you don't know the… enormity of what we're dealing with here…

Agnes: I'm listening…

Peter: May the 29, 1954, a consortium of bankers, industrialists, corporate C.E.O.'s and politicians held a series of meetings over three days at the Bilderberg Hotel in Oosterbeek, Holland. They drew up a plan for maintaining the status quo…

Agnes: What is that?

Peter: It's the way things are. It's the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer…

Agnes: All right.

Peter: They devised a plan to manipulate technology, economics, the media, population control, world religion, to keep things the way they are. They have continued to meet once a year, every year, since that original meeting. Look it up.

Agnes: O.K….

Peter: Under their orders, the C.I.A. had smuggled Nazi scientists into the States to work with the American military at Calspan, developing an inner-epidermal tracking microchip…

Agnes: Wait…

Peter: A surveillance tool, a computer chip implanted in the skin of every human being born on this planet since 1982. An early test group for the prototype was the People's Temple, and when the Rev. Jim Jones threatened to expose them, he and every member of his church were assassinated… But it wasn't enough just to track people, to spy on them, they wanted control. They created the Intelligence Manned Interface biochip, a subcutaneous transponder, a computer chip imprinted with living brain cells. They needed lab rats to test it, and they found us: me, in the gulf, and another soldier working at Calspan at the time: Tim McVeigh.

Agnes: Oh, no, wait…

Peter: They turned us into… zombies, remote control assassins, then picked Tim up, chucked him in a prison factory. But I found my chip and cut it out, so they sent me back to the lab for further testing and a new experiment… They can't get to everybody, people slip through the cracks, or find the chip and remove it, like me, or Ted Kaczynski. They need a chip that will self-perpetuate, that will spread, like a virus, that people can pass to each other, to everyone.

Good stuff huh?

So having escaped her abusive ex-husband Goss (Harry Connick Jr.) who’s recently been released from prison and is on his way back to her, Agnes – who is still vulnerable having lost her six year old son (how, we’re never quite sure), is at a very low ebb when Peter and his bug infested blood turn up…

Bug is the closest thing you can get to experiencing an on screen insanity inducing claustrophobic nightmare which merges delusion with reality as bugs begin to disrupt the lives of Peter and Agnes...
It’s not a happy story, but this is an important film and a worthy headline entry into the Darkmatters ‘BUG SEASON’…

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööö (8)
- Bug will ransack your head

Tasty Action: öööööö (6)
- More a slow burner but there are some flashpoints

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööö (8)
- Ashley Judd does white trash with style

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööööö (6)
- This is going to freak some people out (alot)

Comedic Value: öööööö (6)
- The funnies dry up once the bugs move in

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööö (9)
- Powerful and desperately sad, this is a must see film

Liable to make you:
"try to extract your own teeth with pliers to make sure there aren’t any bug nests in them…"

DM Poster Quote:
“Oh – I like it when that lightening comes – yes I like it a lot…"

"Matt's new skinwork wasn't a hit with his wife"

Speed Racer - the 'fast enough to blow your pants off' review

Speed Racer (PG)

Dir. Andy and Larry Wachowski

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

‘Gentlemen, start your engines…’ I’m not trying to dismiss the multitude of talented and roadworthy women drivers out there (hi to both of you) but because Speed Racer seems to appeal mostly to those of a male stereotype. My evidence for this is backed up by the fact that there was not a single female in the screening I saw this in…

Speed Racer is the new flick from the Wachowski brothers – they of The Matrix fame – it is basically a two hour sensory overload of high octane, primary coloured loony-tunes racing action.
You probably won’t see a more dazzling, head frying, supersonic cinematic experience this year – my two sons were mesmerised by the big spectacle races, kid friendly and comically violent ninja assaults and general mischief cooked up by the ‘Racer’ family. Speed Racer has a completely unique visual look; kind of live action Japanese anime mixed with that Wacky Racers cartoon from way back and played out like a High Definition PlayStation game forced through a particle accelerator.

The plot follows Speed Racer (Emile Hirsch) on the verge of becoming the greatest racing driver the world has known, as if he had a choice with a name like that? But he is living in the shadow of his older brother Rex Racer (Scott Porter), who was the previous best until tragically dying in a race. Speed comes to the attention corrupt big business Royalton Industries' whose slimy CEO (Roger Allam) is part of an international race fixing syndicate. So will the young ace choose to sell out to the money men or will he stick with his family racing team owned by his Pops (John Goodman) and become ‘the one’ to end the tyranny of the big boys? Hhmmmm…

Speed Racer might not be a great movie overall, but in parts it offers a glimpse of wild racing action that is beyond fantastic. If my sons are any barometer of the effect seeing this will have on young lads the world over – they are likely to crash their bikes on the way home while trying to hit the speeds achieved by the Mach 5 car Speed drives. (He’s okay by the way, just scraped knees and elbows). Still, big screen viewing is certainly recommended; this is the kind of spectacle that could only have been dreamt up from the minds who reinvented the modern sci-fi action movie.

Just maybe leave the bikes at home yeah?


"Ricci pops up as Racer's love interest"

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööö (6)
- Eyeballs will be out on stalks but you won't have too much to think about

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)
- The races are awesome plus some poo gets thrown in the baddie's face!?

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööö (6)
- Ricci is yummy

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööööö (6)
- Some might have issues with the flimsy plotting

Comedic Value: öööööö (6)
- Slap-stick fun ahoy

Arbitrary final rating: öööööö (7)
- If you don't like cars take 3 stars off this rating

Liable to make you:
"crash you bike on the way home trying to go Mach 5 - oh I already said that"

DM Poster Quote:
“faster, louder and eyebleedingly neon - you'll either cheer, barf or both... "


"Matt's new car..."

Jimmy Carr Repeat Offender - the 'you shouldn't be laughing at this but it's just so darn funny' review

Jimmy Carr: Repeat Offender

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

My wife is lovely… Not just a total babe but also an excellent judge of how to make her man happy!?
This year to mark my turning 37, she bought me 2 tickets to see Jimmy Carr live – at the DVD recording in London no less - of his latest stand up show ‘Repeat Offender’…

Having been a Jimmy Carr fan since I first came across him on Channel Four or maybe it was some stand up footage of the Edinburgh Festival… Anyway, I was stoked at the chance to witness the man himself up close and he was on top form – no one does paedophiliac, same sex, religous, deviant sex, self pleasuring, terrorist bating, topical news dissemination so well (and all at the same time)… No subject is off limits and hecklers were machine gunned down with a mixture of sharp whit and savvy fast observations.

You really shouldn’t go see the slick Mr Carr if you’re easily offended or narrow of mind. I wouldn’t classify myself in either of those categories (this despite being one of the born again Christians that Jimmy launches a few barbs at – personally I don’t think having Jesus travel with me is actually enlarging my carbon footprint but it’s a funny thought!).

The joy of superb quality stand up like that delivered by Jimmy is that it makes you consider things from a different point of view.
You don’t have to agree and almost certainly might be think that making jokes like: “You know that your girlfriend is too young for you when you have to make that ‘aeroplane noise’ in order to get her to take you in her mouth” goes too far…
but he has a knack for it and for my money he’s the best of bunch at the moment.

This Repeat Offender show lives up to it’s name, yes it is highly profane but it is also so sharply written that if you have anything like a brain, then you’ll laugh pretty hard whatever your world view. See for yourself either by catching the tail end of the tour or by grabbing the DVD when it hits – on which you may even catch a glimpse of me (I’m in the PWEI t-shirt) or the talented Tom W in the audience, laughing at things that might make lesser mortals freak out…

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10):

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööö (9)
- Smooth, offensive and damn funny: Jimmy Carr is the stand up equivalent of playing Grand Theft Auto 4!

Liable to make you:
"practice your aeroplane noises (kidding!!)"

DM Poster Quote:
“Jimmy Carr is on fire - and I don't think it was those Christian Fundamentalists that did it but you never know!"

Iron Man - the 'heavy metal air support salvation' review

Iron Man (12a)

Dir. Jon Favreau

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

“Is it better to be feared or respected? And I'd say is it too much to ask for both?” this is the mantra of Tony Stark, multi-billionaire playboy and maverick high tech weapons dealer. Stark (a never better Robert Downey Jr.) becomes the titular metal clad super hero and unlike the multitude of tortured soul reluctant world saviours we’ve had recently, he relishes the opportunity.

Director Jon ‘that funny bloke from Swingers’ Favreau hits a heavy metal home run with this feel good origins story that sets up a potentially amazing new superhero franchise. Downey Jr. boasts infectious charisma – bringing real heart to this action packed, really funny and altogether ‘riveting’ gung ho tale of firepower fetish laced cool. The script sparkles with joyous energy and the action is well delivered with some eye popping effects including a Top Gun homage scene that sees Iron Man dog fighting two F16s fighter jets,

This overload of male wish fulfilment also has a mouth-watering selection of hot cars (including awesome Audi R8 product placement), a high tech bachelor pad which looks like a new Tracey Island and some suitably foxy females. Speaking of which Gwyneth Paltrow manages to be less hateable than usual in her role of ‘Pepper Pots’ – Stark’s loyal PA – complete with unrequited crush on her boss.

Of course every hero needs a villain or two to take down and Iron Man gets to deliver some hot lead payback on a whole battalion of Afghan Terrorist Militants who kidnap Stark at the beginning. Then for a suitable climax he has to face a bigger badder nemesis in the form of a rival combat suit of super-powered armour codenamed ‘Iron Monger’ in a battle described by my two sons as “the most awesome thing I’ve seen this year”…

The idea that it’s only a matter of time before we see super armoured suits like Iron Man’s stomping across battlefields is quite a fearsome one, you can almost picture George Bush trying to put in a bulk order for them after seeing this!?

Iron Man works so well that he has thrown down a power assisted metal gauntlet to the other super hero blockbusters coming this year – and if you want to see him again before the hoped for Iron Man 2, word is he’ll be making a cameo in The Incredible Hulk this Summer. Surely comic lovers everywhere can see the seeds are being sown for a full scale Avengers movie that would unite Iron Man and Hulk with Captain America, Wasp, Ant-Man and Thor… Geektastic!!


"high flying superhero action doesn't get much better!"

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööööö (9)
- Blasting off in style

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)
- Exciting key scenes press the right buttons

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööö (6)
- Paltrow leads the charge

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööö (4)
- Long but not dull (girls might struggle a bit more as it's very much a 'boys toys flick'

Comedic Value: öööööööö (8)
- Some really funny lines and good humour throughout

Arbitrary final rating: ööööööööö (10)

- Does exactly what it says on the tin (erm Iron tin?)…

Liable to make you:
"start designing your own super armour suit"

DM Poster Quote:
“it's a bird / plane / toaster... no - it's IRON MAN"

Street Kings - the 'GOOD COP / BAD COP' review

Street Kings (15)

Dir. David Ayer

Reviewed by Matt GOOD COP Adcock (@cleric20)

Hi my name is Tom (Keanu Reeves), I’m a GOOD COP but I do have propensity for VIOLENCE i.e. I subscribe to the ‘shoot first – make a plausible version of events later’ school of bringing in BAD GUYS… It’s not easy being a GOOD COP, especially as there are so many BAD COPS out there, you know, I even suspect that some of the guys in my division might be BAD COPS… Damn, what’s a GOOD COP to do?

Only one thing for it… I’m gonna have to blow the BAD COPS away, it’s for the best, it’s what I do… You can watch me do this in Street Kings, don’t listen to whining liberal cinema critics who KNOCKED my film (yeah Mr Chris Curtis your review springs to mind)… You have no idea how hard it is to pull off this trigger happy GOOD COP action – and damn if the flick hasn’t got decent pedigree man – you haters were down with TRAINING DAY and nobody walked away from HARSH TIMES without giving some love to my man David ‘let’s not mention that I wrote S.W.A.T.’ Ayer… 

So if you dug that GOOD COP / BAD COP action that he served up in Dark Blue, people you should be checking Street Kings, it’s like a got that Oscartubbytastic Forrest Whit-tick-errr in it man.

Here’s the thing, check my opening lines in this film and you WILL be impressed:

BAD DUDE: Yo dawg. ME (Tom Ludlow): Konnichiwa. BAD DUDE: What? ME: Konnichiwa. Konnichiwa. It means what's up. So what the *&$£’s up?

Impressive yes!?

You want some PLOT details? Gunplay man, stylish and brutal, over the top and heavy-duty… supplemented with exigent circumstances… Damn who need a plot anyway cos when the evidence implicates me in the execution of my former partner I’m gonna go up against the BAD COP culture that I’ve inadvertently been a part of – in my whole GOOD COP career… It don’t even make sense but it ultimately leads me to question the loyalties of everyone around me – and those film critics are the worst man, I’m gonna find them and blow them the hell away…

See you on Blu Ray Mother*&$er

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööööö (8)
- Edge of your seat my friend

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)
- What it’s all about baby

Babeness: ööööööö (7)
- Martha Higareda

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)
- Obviously some people won’t pick up on the neo-classical elements

Comedic Value: ööööö (5)
- Yeah it’s got some funny stuff

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööö (8)
- GOOD COP gun action all the way man…

Liable to make you:
"a better cop!"

DM Poster Quote:
“Nothing says Policework like emptying a clip into a BAD GUY"

Darkmatters Review: In Bruges

In Bruges (18)

Dir. Martin McDonagh

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

You might not expect a foul mouthed, crunchingly violent and darkly comic oddball film about hitmen to make you stop and consider life, honour and the nature of Purgatory but that’s exactly what In Bruges achieves…

Meet Ray (Colin Farrell) a newbie contract killer who is eaten up with guilt because his first job has seen him accidentally murder a small boy. He’s hiding out in the quiet fairytale like Belgium town of Bruges with his fellow hitman / mentor Ken (Brendan Gleeson) – both of whom could be in serious trouble with their nasty boss Harry (Ralph Fiennes).
From the initial bickering about being holed up in the middle of nowhere with sightseeing the only real option, things get progressively weirder by the moment in this hard to classify movie that straddles genres. There is so much happening here - one minute you’ll be laughing at dubious kung fu violence being inflicted on a coked up dwarf and the next pondering the afterlife thanks to Hieronymus Bosch's classical painting ‘The Last Judgement’.

Writer / director Martin McDonagh peppers the script by with moments of sublime banter (none of which is very good taste but is liable to make you grin) e.g. Ken tells Ray: “You are the worst tourist.” To which Ray responds “Look, Ken. I grew up in Dublin, and I love Dublin. If I had grown up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me. But I didn't, so it doesn't.”
Or as a Spurs fan - my favourite line in which Ray sums up Purgatory as: “It's when you're not awful, not really bad, but you’re not really good either – a bit like Tottenham…” And that kind of fittingly sums up the film too. I guarantee one thing; you won’t see a stranger neo-noir crime comedy hitman saga this year. Farrell and Gleeson are a very watchable duo who take the wacky plot twists in their stride whilst skating on the surface tension of their misdeeds and the potential repercussions thereof.


"this'll teach you for not liking me in Miami Vice"

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööö (7)
- Not a very cohesive whole but a fun packed treat anyway

Tasty Action: öööööö (6)
- Different and brutal

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (6)- Some people won't 'get' this at all

Comedic Value: öööööööö (8)
- Very funny if completely un P.C.

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööö (8)
- Worth seeking out, just don't expect a happy ending!

Liable to make you:
"start contemplating the lives of midgets and hitmen"

DM Poster Quote:
“a drug fuelled orgy of dwarves and gunplay and freakiness"

PS3 swag to win...

"over at funky PS3 Attitude..."

Bag yourself some wicked PS3 stuff by clicking over to PS3 Attitude (here: http://www.ps3attitude.com/2008/04/april-competition-win-our-swag.html) - all you have to do is sign up to their email list or something!?

What's on offer? Well from Ubisoft - an environmentally friendly cloth bag, from Codemasters - a Lord of the Rings leather bracelet and an exclusive magnetic paperweight, from SanDisk - a baseball cap, a lanyard, a pen and a Ducati T-Shirt, from Play.com - 2 x Ratatouille keyrings, a 'Spooks' book, 'Ice Age' Extreme Cool Edition DVD, from THQ - Stuntman Ignition metal number plate and a Conan mini-comic...

Who is the competition open to? All PS3 Attitude email subscribers worldwide and the winner will be chosen at random...

Why not give it a go?

Pathology - the 'diagnosis rubbish' review

Pathology (18)

Dir. Marc Schoelermann

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

I’ve heard it said that Pathology is actually a ‘window to God’. Pathologists get to witness things that most of us will never see – the perversion and corruption of the flesh by all means unnatural...by violence...by toxin...by madness... and their job is to determine the cause of death.
Pathology the movie is an attempt to explore the dark underbelly of the profession, asking the question ‘what if these doctors turned homicidal and started killing people for kicks?’ Sounds like an interesting idea for a film yeah? Well here’s a transcript I found stuffed down the back of one of the seats at Cineworld Luton… it seems to reveal how the movie came about…

Hotshot writing duo: Pathology – it’s about this group of doctors who form a dangerous clique where they take in turns to kill people and the rest have to work out how they did it… The audience get to watch in gruesome details as the bodies are cut up, we’re talking lots of blood and internal organ close ups!!

Studio film funding Exec: Cool, like a chainsaw to the head?

Hotshot writing duo: No, much more sneaky, we envisage chemicals and devious stuff like that…

Studio film funding Exec: Hhmmm, sounds a bit like an episode of Casualty… What’s the selling point?

Hotshot writing duo: What about if the doctors are kinky and two of them are hot women who maybe get off with each other?

Studio film funding Exec: I’m interested…

Hotshot writing duo: And we can make one of then get naked a lot and even have it off in front of a dead body… Oh and how about making her have a passion for sticking needles in her lovers?

Studio film funding Exec: Urggh that’s gross… I‘m sold – kinky deviant doctors, bloody dissection and stomach turning close ups of internal organs, this is going to be great! Who’s the hero?

Hotshot writing duo: Milo Ventimiglia… that guy from Heroes

Studio film funding Exec: YES! He’s credible… will he do it?

Agent for Milo ‘ Heroes’ Ventimiglia: I can confirm that my client has no problem with the masses of perverse behaviour, including violence, gruesome images, strong sexual content, nudity, drug use and bad language that make up this movie.

Hotshot writing duo: Oh, just one more thing, it's all a bit rubbish.

Studio film funding Exec: Who cares, we’ll just make a cool poster… Kerching!! Bring it!

Hotshot writing duo: Remember: no ‘body’ is safe… lol… we’re off to quickly bank that cheque before everybody sees how bad this is!


"if you have a problem, if no-one else can help, and if you can find them..."

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööö (3)
- limited enjoyment and nothing to get the heart racing

Tasty Action: öööö (4)
- not very tasty, more 'distasteful'

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
- Lauren Lee Smith is often unclad... men everywhere are grateful

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööööö (8)
- slow and drooping pacing doesn't help

Comedic Value: öööö (4)
- nothing very funny here

Arbitrary final rating: ööö (3)
- Interesting idea, shame about the actual film!

Liable to make you:
"not be able to look your doctor in the eye"

DM Poster Quote:
“It's what on the inside that counts..."


"see this scalpel, have a guess where I'm going to stick it!"

Darkmatters: H O M E