Matt geeks out with Napoleon Dynamite

"Nerdalicious... the awesome Mr Napoleon Dynamite"

Napoleon Dynamite (PG)
Dir. Jared Hess

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

There’s geek in my head, he’s doing his thing, he looks a bit odd and he’s not conforming to a goddamn thing… Gosh, outside Alphaville play their 80’s pop but I’m grooving to The Promise by When in Rome… There’s that puppy fat and shy but still kind of adorable Deb, she’s waiting for me to make her day, but gosh, I’m just thinking about my skills… Funky Uncle Rico has a scheme, my nerdtastic brother Kip is buying it when not cyber chatting to his 'soul mate' but me, I’m practicing my, like, nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills... I'm telling you that girls only want boyfriends who have great skills…
Want to see a drawing I did? Scroll on down... Cos I’m like the best person I know at drawing creatures and stuff.Well, gosh, gotta go, come over anytime – you can play me at swingball…

As Adrian Hennigan over at the BBC says: "Jon Heder shines as the titular loser who actually thinks he's too cool for school; you'll be rooting for him throughout his close encounters of the nerd kind."

Darkmatt Rating: ööö (more quality geek for your dollar than you might expect)

"check my artistry skills dudes... pretty sweet huh?"

Darkmatters: H O ME

Ice Age 2: Meltdown Scrat Speaks Out...

"holding on to your nuts for dear life... every man's philosophy"

Interview with “Scrat”
translated by world-renowned Scratologist, Jerald P. Flaverty f
rom the University of Science in London

Full name:
Scrat: mmeeeeep
J. P. Flaverty: Loosely translated it means, “Scrat.”

Age:
Scrat stamps his foot on the ground many, many times.
J. P. Flaverty: Roughly, he’s 20,000 years old, give or take a few days.

Where do you live?
Scrat: Eee ah brrrrrrrrr
J. P. Flaverty: In the Ice Age. Isn’t it obvious?

Famous for:
Scrat holds up his nut.

Favourite food:
Scrat holds up his nut.

Inspiration:
Scrat holds up his nut.

How did you get the part in “Ice Age”?
Scrat: neeeh argh sniff sniff
J. P. Flaverty: He knew the director. In Hollywood, it’s all about who
you know, especially if you’re a rodent.

People you look up to (why?):
Scrat: Doooh eek, eeeek brrrrrrrrrr mmmmm, mmeeep.
J.P. Flaverty: He admires the director of his movie, “Ice Age,” who’s about to direct another
film. It’s never too early to start kissing up.

Favourite Film:
Scrat: Eeh, neeeh argh eeeee humph.
J. P. Flaverty: “Gone Nutty,” “The Nutty Professor” and “Tommy Boy.”

Girlfriend?
Scrat: grunt grunt heeh meeh
J. P. Flaverty: No, he’s not ready to share his nuts.

Favourite actor/actress:
Scrat: Meh numph, eek meep ehhh sniff sniff grunt
J. P. Flaverty: He’d give one of his nuts to work with Reese Witherspoon.

Meaning of life?
Scrat holds up his nut.

Matt's review of Ice Age 2: The Meltdown

Darkmatters: H O ME

Kari Wuhrer: An older woman worthy of attention...

Quoted as saying "My body is my greatest asset" can't argue there...

Kari Wuhrer - appreciation...

Here's a thing, was discussing 'sexy older women' with a mate - in context of a deep soul searching conversation about the whole Basic Instinct 2 (would you still do Stone?) dilemma. Review this weekend...

And after talking about Sharon Stone, we thought about other actresses who are
1. older than we are
and
2. very sexy.

Teri Hatcher was one name that came up (still would) but I went for Kari Wuhrer, an underrated B Movie hottie who was once an MTV V-J, was ‘Maggie Beckett’ in Sliders and starred in 8 Legged Freaks and The Hitcher 2…

Anyway, I'd say she’s still got it!!

Trivia (who’s older Wuhrer or Hatcher? – there’s 3 years in it) scroll down to find out…


"Kari shows the her best might actually be behind her..."

Links:

Matt's Review of Hitcher2

Keira Knightley

Leighton Meester

Slave Girl Leia

Darkmatters: H O ME

Trivia answer: Hatcher is older (born in '64, Wuhrer in '67)

Film Review: Tsotsi

Tsotsi (15)
Dir. Gavin Hood

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Winner of this year's “best foreign film” Oscar, Tsotsi, directed by Gavin Hood, is a powerful, heartfelt film that throbs with conflicting emotions. It seems that on the mean streets of South African shantytowns redemption just comes once…

"Tsotsi" the word might mean “gangster”, but Presley Chweneyagae plays the lead role with such authentic dangerous charisma that it might as well mean “prince of the streets”. Hailed and followed by his crew (Boston (Mothusi Magano), Butcher (Zenzo Ngqobe) and Aap (Kenneth Nkosi)), Tsotsi spends his time in various criminal pursuits including a terrifyingly plausible murder on a packed commuter train…until a fateful carjacking changes his life forever.

Spoiler alert: Whilst a new BMW is a fine catch for Tsotsi, he gets far more than he bargained for when he discovers that there is a baby in the back seat… Acting against his surface criminal nature he keeps the baby even though he is utterly clueless about how to look after the poor (but very cute) little tot. Maybe the baby awakens in him memories of his own childhood and his mother, which he has determinedly repressed, but one thing is for certain – Tsotsi’s life will never be the same… Indeed, having gained a ‘son’ Tsotsi's violence dries up, because hell, it’s damned hard work being a parent – especially a single one!!

Many have compared Tsotsi to the excellent City of God, which also brought a bleak world of violence and crime to the big screen in a powerful way.
Tsotsi really is a gorgeous, riveting, poignant, and thrilling piece of filmmaking. Classy storytelling, which explores not only South African poverty and crime but delves into a man’s soul as few films ever have before. This is a film that deserves the tag line “Truly unforgettable”.

Darkmatt Rating: öööö (every man can change)


"what is the darkness that evey man hides in his soul? and can it be overcome by innocence?"

Darkmatters: H O ME

Film Review: HOSTEL

"alternative poster... looks good on the huge billboard in Luton"

Hostel (18)
Dir. Eli Roth

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Welcome to Bratislava, you’ll love the mix of ancient and industrial scenery, you’ll marvel at how ‘friendly’ our beautiful women are, you’ll probably never leave, not in one piece at least…
Maybe I’m just a jaded Brit but it seems to me that American backpackers aren’t what they were back in 1981 when a gruesome hairy fate awaited the basically nice but dim yanks in An American Werewolf in London. These days the hero backpacking ‘jocks’ are initially harder to like – until that is they come up against such unbelievably evil monsters that from then on you really have no choice…
Hostel at heart is a extremely brutal morality tale, if you mix the idea of a secret backpacking nirvana from The Beach, add the creeping unease that all is not what it seems from The Wicker Man and then mix liberally with insanely explicit violence of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre variety, you’ll have some idea of what to expect.
Director Eli ‘Cabin Fever’ Roth isn’t one to hold back on the gore and Hostel has scenes that will shock, repulse and make you question the fact that people pay money to watch this sort of thing… But people it seems will pay money to do a lot of questionable things and in Bratislava that can mean having your own teenage backpacker stripped and handcuffed to a chair in a torture dungeon that only one of you will be leaving alive… Yes this is urban myth nightmare snuff territory and the audience get front row seats at the graphic carnage that ensues.
But that’s the second half of the film, before then you get a soft porn road trip as the American visitors enjoy 24hour drugs, sex and booze – euro style. At one point U.S. jock A - Josh (played by Derek Richardson) asks his incredulous travelling companions "Did we come all the way to Europe just to smoke pot? " to which his " wacky Icelandic buddy Oli (Eythor Gudjonsson) says "Hey, I came all the way from Iceland". The third of this ill fated travel party is U.S. jock B - Paxton (Jay Hernandez) who is the one tasked with trying to restore some kind of balance to the plot in the final act. But dislike them as you may, you will feel their pain when they find themselves in the slaughterhouse. This is audacious, perverse, highly grim, splatter cinema, certainly not for everyone. Oh, and you pay double for an American…

Darkmatt Rating: öööö (freaky grim horror for sure - but if that's what you're looking for, this delivers)


"someone call for a hacking by horned maniac?"


"and of course the obligatory babe... Natalya (Barbara Nedeljakova)"

Darkmatters: H O ME

Film Review: The Heart Is Deceitful Above all Things

"Um, mommy... can I put my boys clothes back on now?"

The Heart Is Deceitful Above all Things (15)
Dir. Asia Argento

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

‘The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can fathom it?‘
Jeremiah 17 v19 – an excellent biblical verse, worthy of contemplation even though it goes on say something like: ‘As the partridge sitteth on eggs and hatcheth them not, so he that getteth riches, and not by right, shall leave them in the midst of his days, and at his end shall be a fool.’ – let that be your lesson of the day.

Anyway before I tell you what I thought of it you have to read should this info (from ACIN) about the back-story to this Asia Argento directed film.

“The story of young author JT Leroy is one for the ages. In 2000, he published a semi-autobiographical novel called Sarah and literary critics raved. A year later, his second novel, The Heart Is Deceitful Above all Things, saw equally critical acclaim. The books were depictions of a terrible upbringing and the all-too-evil things that people do to each other. Celebrities not only read Leroy’s works, but they claimed friendships with the elusive writer. He was actually spotted at various functions, interviews, and press events. Leroy also went on to write the powerful script for Gus Van Sant’s Elephant. Eventually, actress Argento (Land of the Dead) acquired the rights to adapt and direct The Heart Is Deceitful.
“Just last month, it was revealed by The New York Times revealed that Leroy was a completely fictitious identity. In fact, he was a she, a woman named Laura Albert, and that Albert’s sister-in-law was playing Leroy in public. None of this makes this film (or the novels) any less believable. In fact, I found it nearly impossible to take my eyes off the screen. “

This is a gut wrenching, head spinning exposition of evilness on a personal level – an all too believable nightmare, that is as hard to watch as it is to look away. Young Jeremiah’s (the story’s hero played initially by Jimmy Bennett and then by twins Cole and Dylan Sprouse), life is intentionally torn apart by his vile selfish crack whore mother Sarah (Asia Argento). Taken from his stable, loving foster home, he is coerced into a dreadful life of abuse, a catalogue of misery, basically a soul breaking road trip that takes in everything that is wrong with human nature…Even when he is temporarily sent to live with his freakily-Christian grandparents (Peter Fonda and Ornella Muti), he suffers further degradation and abuse in a way that only fundamentalist religious types could ever dish out…

Nowhere it seems is there salvation for Jeremiah and as a parent, it was all I could do not to weep at the vileness exhibited towards to this innocent little boy. The Heart Is Deceitful is a film that should rock you (and I don’t just mean the excellent original score by Sonic Youth or the sight of Marilyn Manson without his make up!). This might not be nice, but it is powerful and moving, fascinating, challenging and bold. Isn’t that what cinema at its best should be?

Darkmatt Rating: öööö (hell exists and some people are already living it...)


"Miss Agento... film director or not, you can't run through the steets naked"

Darkmatters: H O ME

Film News: Brokeback Mountain 2?

"sent to me by the legend that is Matt Landsman"

Now this is a sequel I'd be keener to check out than the less than promising upcoming Basic Instinct 2! Whoever put this together sure knows how to pick a cast!!

File under 'if only'...

Darkmatters: H O ME

Film Review: The Pink Panther

The Pink Panther (PG)
Dir. Shawn Levy

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Mon dieu! Call the bumbling French cops there’s a crime being committed in your local cinema…
The main suspect is a tragically unfunny doofus who goes by the name of Steve Martin but here he’s being aided and abetted by a well known criminal known only as Shawn ‘Cheaper by the Dozen 2’ Levy.
And the crime? These two stand accused of making a movie so awful that it’s actually more fun to spend the time punching yourself in the face than watching it…
Nothing can save this new version of The Pink Panther, not importing the sexy Beyoncé which kind of worked for Austin Powers, neither having a couple of sometimes decent actors like Kevin Kline as Clouseau's pompous superior or Jean Reno who must have been press ganged into this big screen toilet filler.
You really have to worry for any film whose best few minutes are a semi homage to James Bond, complete with Clive ‘ooh wouldn’t he have made a great Bond’ Owen as ‘006’.
Steve Martin’s Inspector Clouseau is frankly rubbish, proving again that he’s just not funny anymore and Peter Sellers must be rolling in his grave, to see his best ever character so heinously molested in Martin’s incapable hands.
The only good news here is that you don’t have to watch this leaden, forced, cringe inducing turkey. If this Pink Panther should serve any purpose – it should be to drive people back to the original series of films on DVD (my favourite being 75’s ‘Return of the Pink Panther’ which also boasts some of the best opening credits in history).
But, if you’re still prepared to brave this movie, what can you expect the 2006 version of The Pink Panther?
Well, incompetent Clouseau gets assigned to solve a double mystery involving the murder of the French national football coach and the theft of the priceless pink panther diamond. Various misadventures befall the hero and at a couple of times it is almost chuckle worthy (trying to teach the French cop to pronounce "hamburger" in preparation for a trip the U.S. in particular). But dodgy French accents can’t make up for what the BBC describe as a "distressingly unfunny" film.
The biggest mystery on offer here is just how the makers managed to produce such a stubbornly laugh free effort. Don’t say I didn’t warn you if you subject yourself this.

Darkmatt Rating: ö (original French title: le merde panther?)


"Stop the film, I want to get the hell out of this rubbish!!"

Darkmatters: H O ME

Ashley Wood: Awesome Artist - has a blog...

"This painting moves me, it's just so damn cool..."

Ashley Wood is without doubt one of my all time favourite artists, his work on POPBOT, LORE, AUTOMATED KAFKA... absolute genius!!

He's a big inspiration behind the whole 'Darkmatters' project which I'm working on, would be a dream if I could somehow get him to do some of the illustrative work on it... Ahh one day!? I'm going to need to get a very tasty book deal just to buy one of his original pieces of art...


"Wood brings Metal Gear Solid to the page (and PSP) in some style!!"

So there I am checking out Ashley's excellent website: Ashley Wood's Website

and I find that he's got a blog... and it's great: Ashley Wood's Blog/

check it out!!

"This painting 'speaks to me' too, in a whole 'other way'!?"

Earlier post about: Lore

Darkmatters: H O ME

Ryan vs Dorkman: Extreme Light Saber Action

Originally created in 2003 for the TheForce.Net's FanFilms Forum: "lightsaber choreography competition", this fight to the death by two of the lesser known Star Wars characters will decide once and for all who is truly most skilled with a saber.

There can be only one.

I was sceptical when I read this over on The Movie Blog - don't always see eye to eye with those Canadian types (especially since they lost their star player 'Richard B' ) but they sure found a quality little item here... it really rocks!

These sfx nerds have great futures ahead of them in land of special effect artistry!

Access the fight here

Whilst you're here, check out this cool short film:

Action Overload: Prey Alone

Darkmatters: H O ME

Matt Adcock Meets Natalie Portman

"welcome to 'sunny' London"

Matt Adcock meets Natalie Portman

I make my way through the rain to the government building and take a moment to savour the impressive display of power – huge banners hang from every wall, a massive mask forms the centrepiece on the focus wall and security is tight… But who are those masked figures that man every doorway? Why has are there huge red V signs daubed over the chocolate cookies… And perhaps most importantly, who is this gorgeous female creature that is taking a seat in front of me?

Why – it’s Natalie Portman… wow, she really is beautiful!! Got to admit right away that I’ve been a huge fan ever since she exploded onto the screen at the tender age of 12 in Luc Besson's superb thriller, Leon.

Anyway, down to business...

Matt: V for Vendetta is an impressive film, based on a highly political graphic novel – did that attract you?

Natalie: It was very interesting for me to consider the mindset of someone who goes from being non-violent to being drawn towards using violence to express her political beliefs. I have been brought up in a pretty politically aware way, when you come from Israel politics is sort of volatile there. One of the reasons I wanted to do this movie is that it brought up so many questions that I can’t find answers to and those are the best questions and the most interesting questions and the ones most worth talking about like violence and terrorism and the causes of violence and the justifications.

Matt: What was it like working with V (Hugo Weaving), was it tough him wearing the mask all the time?

Natalie: It was kind of amazing because it makes you always wonder what's going on behind it. You're always thinking, are they laughing behind that? Are they smiling? Are they crying? Are they angry? Hugo's performance was so vocal and physically specific that it was a great help. It's not like working with blue screen, for instance, where you have to imagine the performance opposite you.

Matt: Your character Evey is a strong female lead, how did it feel playing her?

Natalie: I think one of the essential conflicts for her is having had the experience of having her parents punished for being political. I think the big conflict for many people who are idealistic is between whether you follow your ideals and go try and help strangers or be true to your private life and protect your family and those you love. That’s the conflict; what’s more important to you do you do something that is valiant and the right thing to do or protect your private life?

Matt: And what about having all your hair shaved off, was that tough?

Natalie: Shaving my head was fun. For the character it's a very traumatic experience because it's a violence committed upon her. But for me, I got to choose to do it I had to concentrate on looking upset for the scene because I was so excited. I always wanted to do it and never had the guts.

Matt: How about dealing with your high profile, are the media OK?

Natalie: Maybe I’ve been lucky and maybe people have been respectful to me when they are not like that with other people, but I’ve found that for all everyone’s complaints about the press I have found them quite respectful. You have the right to ask anything you want and I have the right not to answer it and in general if someone asks and you say you don’t want to talk about it they respect it.


"wow... what can you say? she's lovely and talented and friendly"


"Portman as Padmé... giving Leia a run for her money in the 'best Star Wars costume' stakes"

Links:

V For Vendetta

Slave girl Leia Outfit

Darkmatters: H O ME

Wonder Woman in 2007?

"Shiny 'breast' plates and wristbands - check, now bring on the hotpants!"

Wonder Woman
Dir. Joss Whedon? TBC

I'm excited about this project - but it all depends on them getting the right 'woman' to be Wonder Woman...

Many actresses are rumored to be in the running for the lead role in this movie, IMDB has a speculative trivia list including Charisma Carpenter, Kim Basinger, Lucy Lawless, Salma Hayek, Michelle Rodriguez, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sandra Bullock, Nadia Bjorlin, Mischa Barton, Rachel Bilson and Jennifer Lopez (gonna need some bigger hotpants?).

I asked Katie Holmes if she might be up for it when I met her last year - read what she said here: Matt Adcock meets Katie Holmes

My wife said that Kelly Brook 'had the body for it' but also added 'as long as you didn't have to listen to her talk...'

Who do you think should strap on the wristbands?

Darkmatters: H O ME

Film Review: The Hills Have Eyes

"caution: some mutant cannibals in wheelchairs might be offended at this film's content"

The Hills Have Eyes (18)
Dir. Alexandre Aja

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Hey, found this rather tatty and bloodstained postcard today, it’s marked ‘possible plot spoilers’ but reads: Having a rather less fun than expected time on our Mid West road trip holiday... Where can I start? Things began fine, but after a misguided ‘shortcut’ through the desert it all went a bit wrong – and when I say ‘wrong’ I mean ‘horrifically screwed up beyond belief!
We ran into some new friends out who live in the hills, not your usual holiday pals either; these were degenerate cannibal mutants who took an unhealthy shine to us. As a direct result, several members of the family are now dead – dad was barbequed whilst we looked on in horror, mum was shot at point blank range, as was our eldest daughter. One of our dogs was gutted alive and I don’t want to even think about what our younger daughter has gone through. We’ve been subjected to levels of apprehension, dire danger and sheer brutal terror the like of which you would not believe.
The Hills Have Eyes really is a grade A hardcore horror – if you’re of a nervous disposition, this film could literally finish you off. You know, they weren’t exactly kidding when they wrote the tag line ‘the lucky ones die first’, what the few hardy ‘heroes’ go through (especially geek turned avenger son-in-law Doug – played by Aaron Stanford) is beyond the limits of what many people would ever classify as ‘entertainment’. Having said that, whilst the film is intentionally grim, it’s also very well made and director Alexandre ‘Switchblade Romance’ Aja is a powerful new force in the world of horror movies. What this improved remake of the Wes Craven 1977 original of the same name nails, is a lingering uneasiness that will stay with you. The gruesome action is offered up in stark full frontal detail, which thanks to some outstanding special effects makes for seriously queasy viewing.

Darkmatt Rating: ööö (quality horror for sickos everywhere)

If you’re looking for something just as intense but a little less nasty, may I recommend V For Vendetta (15) that opens this week? Natalie Portman stars in this exciting, uncompromising vision of a corrupt near future London, based on the excellent graphic novel by Alan Moore. Brought to big budget life by the makers of The Matrix, V For Vendetta is a must see for fans of action, politics and gorgeous feisty young women.


"I've got a axe to grind... with the US Government (about that nuclear testing)"

Emile De Raven is one of the main attractions in The Hills Have Eyes (younger daughter)...
you can spot her below (along with some of the other 'hot' stars of sci fi):

"Yep... the tasty blonde 2nd from right..."

Darkmatters: H O ME

Film Review: The Proposition

"mean and moody, and erm Irish... in this film at least"

The Proposition (18)
Dir. John Hillcoat

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Welcome to the lawless Australian Outback, it’s 1880 and there’s serious trouble brewing…
WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE – The ‘Burns’ Gang (that's Guy Pearce as coolest brother Charlie, Richard Wilson as youngest brother Mikey and big bad eldest brother Danny Huston who plays his character of Arthur like some Zen-like shaman outlaw, content to stare out at the massive outback day or night in contemplation… when not murdering, raping and generally misbehaving).
Step up Captain Stanley (a career best role for Ray Winstone), he’s the lawman tasked with bringing in the baddie Burn’ess and almost as soon as the scene setting credits have rolled, he’s managed to bag Charlie and Mikey… But of course it’s Arthur who he’s after so he gives Charlie the proposition of the title: for a pardon for himself and to save young Mikey from the hanging on Christmas Day, he must take out his older brother…
As the stylish poster tag line says: 3 Brothers, 1 must live, 1 must die, 1 must choose…

This is a heavy duty western (no Brokebacking to be found) and the cast is excellent, the ‘always cool’ Emily Watson is great as Stanley's wife Martha and I also loved John Hurt’s cameo as a vicious but well educated bounty hunter ‘Jellon Lamb’.

Written by the Aussie croner Nick Cave, this is a must see film for anyone who likes the semi-mystical side of Westerns and can stomach a serious amount of evil doing and gore… Empire gave it 4 stars and called it “Brutal, bloody and brilliant, this is superior filmmaking, and more evidence of the renaissance of the Australian film industry.” The BBC chip in with “exhausting and exhilarating; the film hugely entertaining and troubling. Watch it. Then watch it again.”

Darkmatt Rating: öööö (I loved it)


"so Bro... shall I just kill you now like?"

Darkmatters: H O ME

Darkmatters: Word Cloud '06

"what's your blog made of?"

Darkmatters: H O ME

V For Vendetta: First Reaction

"Kurt Loder over at MTV said: 'This Movie Will Kick Your Ass', I couldn't agree more..."

V For Vendetta
First reaction by Matt Adcock

V For Vendetta is the lavish big screen adaptation (by the Wachowskis 'Matrix' Bros no less) of Alan Moore and David Lloyd's revered 1980s graphic novel.

Will post full review when it hits (17 March) but having seen it today, I can confirm that this is right up there with SIN CITY in terms of capturing the look, feel and substance of the original material.

This is a 'must see' movie which delivers thrills, drama and stylish violence - set in a near future London which is scary in that 'just might happen if we're not careful' kind of way... Portman is great (and sexy even when she's bald), and she's ably supported by Hugo Weaving (as 'V' the black cloak, peaked hat, Guy Fawkes mask wearing hero).

Fans of quality film-making, graphic novels and dark dystopian futures, get excited and book your tickets now!!

"The test audience for V For Vendetta were unanimous in their praise"

Links

Matt Adcock Meets Natalie Portman

Are you a 'love match' for Natalie Portman?

Darkmatters: H O ME

Keira Knightley... annoys my wife!?

My wife really doesn't like Keira Knightley, she's often to be found complaining at how she's too thin, too whiney, speaks funny and is so over rated... Funny it didn't stop her loving the new Pride & Prejudice though!?

Anyway, unlike my lovely wife... I really do like miss Knightley and was quite sad that she didn't bag an Oscar this year.

Ah well, here's some cool photos of her anyway:


"Matt's token Oscars shot... nice dress"


"Keira looking very sexy... just check out those, err, lips!"


"Bad girl Keira getting it on with two blokes... that's just not right, is it?"


"Keira decided to show the gang-banging thugs her pert backside as a decoy"

Earlier post about Keira (cool photo)

Other screen females worthy of your attention:

Cameron Diaz

Leighton Meester

Jessica Alba's Ass

Natalie Portman

Darkmatters: H O ME

Film Review: The Fog

"loved the poster, not the movie"

The Fog
Dir. Rupert Wainwright

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Heard the one about how exactly a hundred years ago, off the rocky shore of an isolated Northern California town, a ship of lepers seeking refuge was betrayed by the town's founding fathers and burned, dooming everyone aboard?

Well you have now - but what if the ghosts of the long-dead mariners returned from their watery graves to exact revenge? Shrouded within a supernatural CGI fog, the ghosts trap the residents of the remote community, intent on seeking out the descendants of those who founded the town...and killing anyone who stands in their murderous but ever so dull path.

Just for a nanosecond I thought I was going to enjoy this - as it started to the top tune 'Sugar We're Going Down' by Falloutboy... But alas this fog stinks the place up with softcore 'horror' that is just not horrible enough and as they say about salt that loses its saltiness... good only to be thrown out and trampled underfoot!

Best scene:
Elizabeth Williams: "Let's go back home."
Nick Castle: "And have some crazy sex?"
They do... in a shower!?

If I tell you that this is about as good as Boogeyman or WhiteNoise you'll know if you want to see it (i.e. if you're not a horror fan you might actually think it's OK)...

Darkmatt Rating: öö (WEAK WEAK WEAK, but OK production values)


"not even the lovely Maggie Grace can make The Fog worth a look"

Film Review: Stay

Stay (15)
Dir. Marc Forster

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Between the worlds of the living and the dead there is a place you're not supposed to stay… It’s also a place you might feel like you’re in if you venture out to see this strange but stylish tale of life / death, art / suicide and love / trust. This is an intentionally weird and sometimes wonderful film that is likely to reach into your head and tie your frontal lobes together with its freaky twists and turns.
Director Marc ‘Finding Neverland’ Forster has waded deep out into David Lynch territory here and even though he has an excellent cast including Ewan McGregor and Naomi Watts, somehow the weirdness on offer doesn’t really work as well as it should. This doesn’t bode incredibly well for Forster’s next film either which is entitled ‘Stranger Than Fiction’ and is about a bloke who starts hearing voices narrating his life from inside his head!?
Anyway – Stay is about a depressed art student named Henry (played by upcoming star Ryan Gosling), one day he tells psychiatrist Sam (McGregor) that he's going to do himself in – in three days. From this point things get increasingly screwy, imagine a dark live action version of Wacky Wednesday but with dead people and time jumps rather than shoes on the wall and you’ll have some idea of what to expect. Naomi Watts is lovely as usual, McGregor is convincingly menaced by the reality dissolving all around him and there are some strikingly clever camera morphs between scenes but I wasn’t convinced that it was enough.But, is anything what it seems? Will Henry top himself in three days? Can Sam figure out the clues faster than the unsuspecting audience? Do you really care? It may be that I saw this too late at night to really ‘get’ what was going on but judging by the blank look on my friend Kevin’s face throughout, I’m not so sure that it was just me being dim… If films like Donnie Darko, Mulholland Drive or Identity float your boat, you don’t mind random blind chess players (Bob Hoskins in this case) suddenly turning into other people and can handle films which are firmly from the ‘style over content’ shelf, then maybe Stay is worth a look. But if you do see it, perhaps you’d be kind enough to let me know what the deal was with McGregor's trousers which are far too short for him in every single scene? Cheers.

Darkmatt Rating: ööö (stylish and weird... bit like me)


"Clue in here somewhere... but surely it's not that obvious painting!?"


"What do you mean... the clues are on the wall behind me?"

Darkmatters: H O ME

Film Review: The Matador

The Matador (15)
Dir. Richard Shepard

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

So, this Hitman and Salesman walk into a bar... Stop me if you’ve heard this one…
The Hitman (Pierce Brosnan no less) says:
“Margaritas always taste better in Mexico.”
The Salesman replies: “Yes they do.”
Raising an eyebrow in a way not entirely unreminiscent of a certain 007, the hitman looks him in the eye and nods:
“Margaritas and cock”.

And so it is that the witty screenplay of The Matador whips the carpet from under you every chance it gets… It’s funny and lightweight – Brosnan is great as the ‘anti Bond’ Julian Noble – a Hitman described as ‘a facilitator of fatalities’ who specializes in corporate gigs (helping to close deals with the assistance of a high powered rifle). Turns out though that Noble is experiencing something akin to a mid-life crisis – his Birthday assessment of his life: no real friends, no permanent home, no significant female and no planned future… And then he meets into Danny Wright ( Greg Kinnear) – the Salesman who seems to have modelled himself on the Simpson’s own Chris-tian-arooni Ned Flanders.

Brosnan has much fun being a deviant sexist scumbag but one that we are drawn to… On a ‘hit’ he is pestered by a young boy who says that his mother thinks he’s cute…
He looks over at the mum and then says to the kid:
"Tell your mother to lose 30lbs and 20 years. Then get back to me".

If you’re looking for something that is consistently entertaining, crude, funny and still manages to bring some real emotions to the party. The Matador is worthy of your time.

Darkmatt Rating: ööö (the name's not Bond... but that hardly matters)


"nice and sleazy does it"

Darkmatters: H O ME

Christian men... get WILD AT HEART

"you too will soon be leaping from large rocks"

Wild At Heart
by John Eldredge

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Am reading this for the second time (in case I wan't quite wild enough after one reading)... Plus my church (Stopsley Baptist Church in Luton) has signed up a group for men to study this tome - then get wild and naked and fight each other (or something like that - will obviously keep you posted on developments...)

Was about to review it when I read this great piece about it in The Times:

"THEY are Britain's meek, mild-mannered Christian men whose most outrageous role model is Sir Cliff Richard and sole point of physical contact a limp handshake with the vicar after church.
But the stereotype of Britain's God-fearing males could soon become a thing of the past after the extraordinary success of a book urging Christian men to ditch their soft image and embrace a life of adventure. Swimming among killer whales and tangling with a bull moose are just two of the practical tips offered in Wild at Heart by the American evangelist John Eldredge, who calls for men to rediscover God bmodelingng themselves on heroic warriors such as Henry V and Mel Gibson's interpretation of William Wallace.

The book, which has already sold 1.5 million copies in English and has been translated into 16 languages, urges its readers to go back to basics by fighting noble battles, rescuing women and finding adventure in their lives.
It declares: A Battle to fight. An Adventure to live. A Beauty to rescue. This is what a man longs for. This is what makes him come alive. There is something fierce, passionate and wild in the heart of every man. That is how he bears the image of God."

So... 1. A battle to fight - like, erm, say the battle of Hastings:


2. An Adventure to live (or at least watch on DVD? - does that count?)


and 3. A beauty to rescue (or at least help out the pool!?)

"Leighton Meester... she's worth rescuing and all that!!"

I'm feeling WILDER by the minute!!

Darkmatters: H O M E

UK Movie Goers Shame Nation...

"not big, or clever... Date Movie is dross - don't do it!!"

Sometimes you have to wonder at the mentality of people in this fair Isle...

This week Date Movie took top spot at UK Box Office...

Making £1,288,089 in its first week!

Even the yanks had the decency not to let Date Movie top their chart...

Note to British public - please THINK before going to see crap movies like this (you'll only encourage them!)

Darkmatters: H O ME

Film Review: The Adventures of Sharkboy & Lavagirl in 3-D

The Adventures of Sharkboy & Lavagirl in 3-D (PG)
Dir. Robert Rodriguez

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

One of the benefits of having two cool sons is that I have to devote copious amounts of time to Playstation, Star Wars Miniature battles, make believe superhero challenges, football in the park and whatever other boyish pursuits are flavour of the month – Yu Gi Oh! etc… It’s tough…
Experiencing movies with them is another joy – I’m almost envious of the fact that there are so many cool films out there for them as they get older… We’re currently in a Raiders of Lost Ark, Star Wars I – VI, Spy Kids, Narnia and Harry Potter kind of stage…

Tonight we watched The Adventures of Sharkboy & Lavagirl in 3-D – complete with the 3D glasses and all. The boys both loved it (and I think Luke was quietly taken with Lava Girl, but hey that’s 8 year olds for you)… It was a fun, madcap adventure that owed a massive debt to The Wizard of Oz but infused enough superhero styling into the mix to make it stand as its own film. I’m not convinced that it needed to be in 3D and am glad that the DVD has the 2D full colour version on it too (which we have to watch at the weekend according to my boys).

The script and plot are aimed squarely at a child audience – I found it amusing enough but have yet to read another ‘grown up’ positive review… Maybe you have to watch it not just with the 3D glasses but with the eyes of a kid…

As Neil Smith over at the BBC said: “Shark Boy works fine as a Ritalin substitute for kids with ADHD. Their mums and dads, though, will be reaching for the paracetamol.”

I found that a beer worked OK for me (and maybe even helped my enjoyment of it).

Darkmatt Rating: ööö (worth checking if you have kids)


"Hey... someone took off their 3D glasses..."

Earlier preview of Sharkboy & Lavagirl

Darkmatters: H O ME

Bio Love Match: Natalie Portman

Ever wondered if you meant to end up with a beautiful celeb partner?

Not that I have or anything - being very happily married - But I couldn't resist checking out my 'bio-rhythm love match compatibility' with miss Portman in advance of meeting her next week... Matt To Meet Natalie Portman

The 'completely random probably' online compatibility engine put Natalie and I at 73%... not bad, might have to mention that to her!?

Here are some others that would be worth considering:

"Louise... ah, back in the day, she was going to be mine..."


"Maybe Madchen Amick is your ideal love partner... you can only hope I guess!"

Click here to Match yourself with Natalie Portman or some other celeb

Darkmatters: H O ME