Film Review - Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (PG)

Dir. Eric Darnell and Tom McGrath

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

It’s a jungle down in your local cinema this week as a crazy bunch of New York City's Central Park Zoo escapees are back on the lose. It’s been three years since a funny series misadventures saw Alex the lion (Ben Stiller), Marty the zebra (Chris Rock), Melman the giraffe (David Schwimmer) and Gloria the hippo (Jada Pinkett Smith) washed up on the isle of Madagascar. Also back is the loopy Julien XIII (Sacha Baron Cohen), self proclaimed king of the lemurs, who decides to accompany the heroes on an ill fated attempted flight back to the Big Apple. The first moral of this sequel story is to never fly ‘Penguin Air’ because although they manage to get airborne, it isn’t long before the plane crash-lands in an African animal reserve. And would you believe it, this happens to be the exact reserve from where Alex grew up… so it’s not long before he’s reunited with his dad Zuba (Bernie Mac) and his mum (Sherri Shepherd). But the happy reunion is cut short thanks to devious Makunga (Alec Baldwin) – Zuba’s brother who has obviously been watching the Lion King because he engineers a pitfall which could see Alex immediately banished from the pride.
There’s more trouble coming from hard as nails Grandma (Elisa Gabrielli), the elderly lady who beat the living daylights out of Alex when they met in the first film, who by coincidence is on an African safari and not happy to see the ‘naughty kitty’ again.
Other unresolved issues left from the first movie such as Melman’s slightly creepy infatuation with Gloria are also explored when she becomes the attention of affection from Moto Moto the male hippo stud of the watering hole.
The scene stealing penguins are the pick of the wild bunch again, led as before by Skipper (co-director Tom McGrath), they take to robbing the local tourists in order to secure parts with which to try to rebuild the plane – and employ a team of funny monkeys to do the labour (thanks to their having opposable thumbs).
Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa is a fun if forgettable addition to the series, the quality cast, witty writing and occasionally impressive CGI artwork certainly make this a watchable all age treat. It’s no Shrek and won’t give Pixar animations any sleepless nights but there was enough here to keep my 8 year old son happy and I must confess to being pleasantly entertained too.

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööö (7)
+ Animal magic -ish

Tasty Action: öööööö (6)
+ slap that stick

Gratuitous Babeness: öööö (4)
+ Gloria is chunky

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööööö (6)
+ Even eight year olds sat through it

Comedic Value: ööööööö (7)
+ No wildlife joke left unused

Arbitrary final rating: öööööö (6)
Nice enough but won't be remembered

Liable to make you:
"book a safari"

DM Poster Quote:
"wildlife can be funny"

Film Review - Body Of Lies

Body of Lies (15)

Dir. Ridley Scott

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Cinemagoers prepare to sign up and to do your part for the War on Terror,you’ll be working alongside crack CIA field agent Roger Ferris (LeonardoDiCaprio) in various hostile Middle Eastern locations.Your dangerous covert operations will be directed by smooth US basedoperative Ed Hoffman (Russell Crowe), who juggles your missions but mightnot be telling you everything you need to know.Ferris runs around Jordan, Iraq and Turkey hunting down nasty a BinLaden-ish Al-Saleem (Alon Aboutboul) and blowing terrorist fanatics awaywith extreme prejudice whilst Hoffman talks to him via a satellite linkheadset. There is an effective juxtaposition of Hoffman ordering the killsof suspects whilst ferrying his kids to football games or kissing them goodnight and tucking them into bed.There’s not a lot new here though – we’ve seen the ‘America andEurope are easy targets’ rhetoric many times before in films like last year’s The Kingdom (which packed less brain cells but ramped up theaction) and the older / younger spy formula has been even been effectivelyworked through by Scott’s younger brother Tony in Spy Game. So Body ofLies walks a fairly well trodden if horribly relevant path but Ridley‘Blade Runner’ Scott is a director who always delivers good looking movies even if they don’t completely captivate.There are several wham bam action scenes including a desert based carchase that would have fitted well into Quantum of Solace but even with the occasional shootout there are not enough set pieces to warrant callingthis an action thriller. Somehow ‘socio-political-analysis thriller’doesn’t have quite the same ring to it though.

Both the leads are effective especially Crowe who has plumped up for hisslimy role, even if DiCaprio still looks too boyishly young to be ahardened CIA veteran operative. Able support is on hand in the form ofMark Strong who plays Hani Salaam, the formidable and suave JordanianDirector of Intelligence along with an effective love interest for Ferrisin the form of sultry nurse Aisha (the lovely Golshifteh Farahani).Body of Lies probably isn’t going to change anyone’s world view but itis stylish and despite its simplistic depiction of the shades of greyamongst both friends and allies it makes for a mildly thought provokingevening out.

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööö (7)

+ Engaging if simplistic

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)

+ Some very exciting action scenes

Gratuitous Babeness: ööööööö (7)

+ Golshifteh Farahani is cute

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööööö (6)

+ Not dull

Comedic Value: öööö (4)

+ Not a comedy whatever you think of American foreign policy

Arbitrary final rating: öööööö (7)

Does a stylish job of entertaining but no classic

Liable to make you:

"sign up for some covert ops"

DM Poster Quote:

“target identified - lock on to audience boredom..."

Book Review - Anonymous by Jason Tanamor

Anonymous

by Jason Tanamor

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

"Stories are what make the world go round.
Stories entice people.
Stories influence..."

This story is called 'Anonymous' and its a hip freakfest nightmare ripped straight from the beating heart of suburban USA... If you're looking for some new powerful postmodern hard hitting fiction - like say Chuck Palahniuk or Douglas Copeland (note for reference that I am a fan of both) then Jason Tanamor is a funky new name to conjure with.

First things first - when I mention Palahniuk, I mean it. Tanamor writes fiction which if blind tested many would swear that Anonymous was the work of the Fight Club / Choke / Diary master author of the Zeitgeist...

Here's taster:

"The voices in the drainpipes, shooting out of
the toilet bowls, they’re talking about their lives when
they get out. When I get outta here, a voice says, I’m
going to change my life.

Another voice, it says, Me too.

I’m serious, the first ghost says, no more
bullsh*t for me.

Thanks for the stories, one voice says. And
then a flush.
These stories, the facts and the fictions often
get misconstrued.

Unknown, he is laying on his bed about to fall
asleep. Listening to the stories, telling his own, in
some way he’s united the guys.

He yells out loud, so that all the inmates can hear his voice traveling through
the drainpipes, “When you finally leave this dump, just
remember that you’re anonymous.”"

And that's the rub - do you know anything about that person you're sitting next to on the train, on the bus. That nice looking chap who serves you a coffee, who fixes your car, who sells you a newspaper?

As the cover blurb says...

"People are never what they appear to be. Thats why getting to know a person is so important. A persons hair, the way he dresses, his composure, thats what people notice. Its not like you can pick a pedophile or a sex addict out of a crowd. You never meet a person and think, That guy is a pedophile. Or That guy is a sex addict. You say, That man had a nice smile. Or, What a great guy. For a group of prisoners, however, thats all they think. Murderer? Child molester? Scam artist? Better yet, What did you do to get here?"

And so Anonymous is nifty series of tales, told by faceless prisoners blowing thier secrets and shame down the drain pipes... You'll get to hear from a generally unsavoury bunch spanning crimes great and small. There - that's Unknown, he's inside for pretending to be the manager of Brad Pitt, or Tom Cruise, that guy - he's Unknown, he's a sex addict, preying on women, scamming their affection from them. Or that guy... he's got anger issues, the next guy - bitter recriminations...

Reading Anonymous is like taking a audio tour of a high security jail, the tales told will shock, challenge and amuse in equal measure. Tanamor has a gift for skimming the scum from the top of a boiling pot of rancid emotion and making you taste it.

Not for the faint of heart, Anonymous isn't quite as hardcore as Palahniuk in full flow, but it'll freak out those who live in their own safe little worlds and never look outside.

Darkmatt Rating out of 5: öööö (grim but good)

Get yourself a copy here: http://www.amazon.com/Jason-Tanamor/dp/1434838285

Read Tanamor's blog here: http://jasontanamor.blogspot.com/

Kirill - the mystery deepens... tune in!!

The adventure is building... Catch the first six episodes by clicking below:
http://kirill.uk.msn.com/?ocid=DBM

Max Payne Competition - take the payne home!!

Darkmatters Max Payne Competition

Pay attention - here's the lovely swag that the cool people at FOX have made available:

Be the envy of your mates with a bullet hole ridden t-shirt, a cool Max Payne wallet and erm, a cap too... Here's how:

If you live in the UK and can finish this sentence you'll be in with a chance...

"I don't believe in heaven, I believe in ____________"

Email your answer to: darkmatters@another.com

Good luck!!

Read the Darkmatters review of Max Payne here: http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2008/11/film-review-max-payne.html

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Zack and Miri Make a Porno (18)

Dir. Kevin Smith

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

In these credit crunch times people it seems are being driven to ever more desperate lengths to make ends meet… And so it is for life-long friends Zack (Seth Rogen) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks), who are housemates struggling under a growing mountain of unpaid bills. Whilst changing for a school reunion Miri becomes an unwitting YouTube ‘star’ thanks to flashing her granny pants – underwear so enormous that even Bridget Jones would balk at them – to some mobile phone carrying teens. This gives Zack the inspiration for them to take an ill advised dive into the murky world of adult film production in order to raise some cash. But can the two platonic pals overcome their reticence, ditch their morals and get intimate on camera?
Writer-director Kevin ‘Clerks’ Smith isn’t shy about wallowing in the filth associated with the porno industry and Zack and Miri is certainly not a film for anyone easily offended. The incredibly bawdy and bodily function heavy humour, coupled with non-stop explicit language throughout makes this film offensive enough to traumatise any causal observer but Smith is on a mission here and the result is not what you might be expecting.
If you’re still reading and think that this might be your dirty cup of tea, there is certainly some very funny material here. Smith throws in everything from adult flavour Star Wars parody, marital disharmony / bliss observation and even a poignant sweet tale of true love…
Yes by the end of the movie you may well have been convinced that faithful relationships are definitely the best option in life and that true love is something worth holding out for. It seems that for all his gutter minded ingenuity, Smith has a romantic heart beating which he can’t help wearing on his sleeve. Zack and Miri despite it’s subject matter feels like his attempt to please more people than just his hardcore smut comedy usual fanbase – in a similar vein to Jersey Girl, only this time he hasn’t ditched all the filth.
Seth ‘Superbad’ Rogen is the comedy ‘go-to-guy’ of the moment and he sparkles here creating superb chemistry with the lovely Banks. These are two people you’ll really want to see end up together despite the murky business they get themselves caught up in.
You’ll laugh, you’ll wince and you’ll go home having been roundly disgusted but also amused.


"this isn't strictly come dancing!?"



"low quality acting from talented actors... only in an 'adult' film"

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööö (6)
+ A no brainer in every sense of the word

Tasty Action: ööööö (5)
+ Dodgy is the only sort of 'action' on offer here

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
+ Banks is sexy and she has some cute friends too

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööööö (6)
+ Zips along to an unlikely but positive ending

Comedic Value: öööööööö (8)
+ Very funny, but very offensive too

Arbitrary final rating: öööööö (7)
'Hard' to recommend to anyone decent

Liable to make you:
"stay true to the one you love"

DM Poster Quote:
“is that a 'final demand bill' in your pocket?"

Film Review - Max Payne

Max Payne (15)

Dir. John Moore

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Max Payne says: “I don’t believe in Heaven, I believe in Pain…”

Video game to big screen adaptations are invariably hit or miss affairs, critics tend to hate them, fans of the game get upset if plot details are changed and even the actors rarely seem to ‘get’ the character they are playing… Having been an avid gamer since the days of Pong and ZX Spectrum, and having played and enjoyed both Max Payne (on PS2) and the follow up (on PC) I was really hoping that the filmmakers and Mark Wahlberg would do Max justice.

The Max Payne games were multiformat cult classic run and gun mysteries that implemented an impressive ‘bullet-time’ slow down (as opposed to frame rate drop) which was completely borrowed from The Matrix but worked so well that it never failed to put a massive grin on my face when I’d kick open a door, and shotgun blast each of the adversaries before they’d even had time to draw their weapons. Oh and there was a dose of Norse mythology fused into the noir detective storyline that made it much more interesting than a simple shoot-em-up.

Twentieth Century Fox picked John Moore (who already has a debt to Satan for making The Omen ’06 so average) to direct the film; he’s a guy who adheres to the ‘style over substance’ school of film making and that is how he tackles Max Payne. The hard-boiled noir look of the film is a stunning achievement – hypnotic hyper-stylised snow swirls in a constant poetic backdrop, the city is a wonderful bleak metropolis a la Sin City and Wahlberg’s constipated frown is a dead ringer for the videogame Payne. Production values are high across the board and even the slightly wacky hallucinogenic visions of Norse Valkyrie demons are rendered effectively. Then there are the babes, sultry but bad ass assassin Mona Sax (Mila Kunis), and a sizzling cameo by new Bond girl Olga Kurylenko who wears a mean red dress (and seems to have a thing for videogame movies as she was in Hitman last year). So far, so good…

But there’s always a downside and here it’s the plot which brings the payne (sorry). The movie is a mish mash mostly ripped straigh from the game and then padded out, remixed and jubbled togther without much care for consistency or dramatic endeavor. We find Max struggling with his guilt and rage over the death of his wife and child at the hands of drug addicted scumbags. Three years he’s been hunting the killer and now an outbreak of grissly murders looks to be linked to his family’s deaths. The join the dots linkages between scenes are liable to insult even the most retarded of teen gamers but at least there’s the tasty gun action right? Sure, there is some and when it eventually kicks off it looks very good – even working in some effective bullet-time moments, but it feels slightly muted and overly sanitised which goes against everything the original games stood for. I can see that the studio wants to make this available to as wider audience as possible (in the US it got a PG13 rating) but when trying to stand alongside similar ‘feel’ movies such as Sin City or The Crow, Payne wimps out. Maybe if the audience had been dosed up with the film’s experimental performance enhancing drug called Valkyr – they might have gotten into it more?

The cast are average at best, Beau Bridges hams up his role of Payne’s former partner like his family will be killed if he in any way manages to look convincing, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges shows that he should stick to rapping as he sleepwalks around looking confused and Chris O’Donnell, Donal Logue, and even Nelly Furtado round off the oddball assmebled ‘talent’.
You know you’re in trouble when two nameless junkies get some of the best lines e.g.:

Junkie 1: Hey man, see that dude with the watch? Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Junkie 2: He could tell us what time it is?

Junkie 1: No you idiot! We could steal the watch, sell it, and get more drugs!

Junkie 2: That's a brilliant plan! I have a gun!

Junkie 3: Man, what if he has a gun too?

Junkie 1: You idiot, law-abiding citizens aren't allowed to have guns here! How do you think we'd survive if they did?

Junkie 2: Let's go f**k this guy up!

Screenwriter Beau Thorne doesn’t seem to know quite how to bring all elements together effectively, so he sacrifices coherence *cough side kick just happens to turn up and save Payne’s ass twenty stories up in a secure corporate tower? Huh? *cough and hopes that nobody is paying enough attention to notice.

Yes the Max Payne movie is slick and good looking, and is so nearly a great blast of crime mystery peppered with some decent fights but it trips itself up and in the end probably won’t please enough people to warrant a sequel. If you do find yourself buying into this, there’s a tease for a possible follow up after the end credits (but even this is in not in the same league as Iron Man’s Nick Fury post credit introduction).

My biggest problem with the fim version when compared to the game though is that for a climactic showdown, the ‘end boss’ is simply no challenge, whereas anyone who has played the game will attest otherwise!? The usual action movie double standards are writ large when Payne can take a point blank clip of semi-automatic machine gun to the chest whereas the enemy falls to an unsatisfying single round.

If you’re prepared to let a fairly dull plot wash over you whilst you enjoy the visual stylings and occasional flash of action then step right up, otherwise Payne is simply going to be another ‘failed’ videogame adaptation. Perhaps a PS3 Max Payne 3 might redress the balance because it would be a shame for the film to have taken Max to a watery grave…

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööö (6)

+ Norse mythos helps a bit

Tasty Action: öööööö (6)

+ The action is cool but very sparse!

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)

+ Mona Sax and Olga Kurylenko are suitably hot

Mind Blight / Boredom: öööööö (6)

- Why so slow and ponderous?? WHY???

Comedic Value: ööööö (5)

- limited wise cracking

Arbitrary final rating: öööööö (6)

I'm a sucker for cool stylish noir films but Payne only just passes muster

Liable to make you:

"get a Norse tattoo or go back and play the games again"

DM Poster Quote:

“Bring the Payne!?"

Film Review - SCAR 3D

Scar 3D (18)

Dir. Jed Weintrob

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

So you’re a hot perky young blonde actress with a winning charismatic smile and no small amount of good looks, what challenge would you want to take on? And more importantly, how do you follow up appearing in the preteen sanitised Hannah Montana TV nerfdom? Try starring in an orgy of 3D torture horror which comes on like a Saw / Hostel / Friday the 13th fusion… That’s exactly the career route that talented young starlet Kirby Bliss Blanton has taken, appearing as all round USA sweet teen girlfriend Olympia in Scar 3D.
Scar also stars horror veteran Angela ‘freaked me out in May’ Bettis, as Joan Burrows, an emotionally and physically scarred wreck who suffered at the hands of a psycho nutjob back in the day (his MO is that he abducts two friends and tortures each in turn until one breaks and tells him to kill their friend)… The villain back then was freaky funeral home director Bishop, but when Joan returns to the town for Olympia’s prom it seems that Bishop is back too and the teen population start to have a very bad time of it.
It’s all very standard slasher guff, even if it is filmed in the fancy new 3D (which does divert attention from how ropey the script and plot is) by giving the audience such sights as topless 3D boobies and ‘quick duck or that spray of blood will splatter all over you’ moments.

"Kirby Bliss Blanton - a hottie to watch (don't hold Scar 3D against her!)"

Is Scar the sickest, most utterly hardcore 3D horror torture on the block? Well, it is but, only because it’s the only one in 3D, otherwise it’s just another wannabe to throw on the ‘don’t bother’ pile…

Scar is certainly unpleasant – I mean who wants to see tongues being chopped out and the soles of feet razor bladed after countless ‘me too’ torture porn flicks have recently gone there? Scar doesn’t do anything much worse or even vaguely ingenious in its macabre machinations, almost as if the screen writers’ only aim was to copy rather than innovate.
So belly button rings get yanked, staple guns get put where they really shouldn’t and scalpels are applied liberally, it really isn’t nice and worse still, it really isn’t very well done…
Sometimes you have to look beyond the obvious razzle dazzle – in this case nubile teens frolicking and then dying in 3D – because it’s a smokescreen to distract from the mediocre offering overall.

"What do you mean I'm not a scary bad guy!?"

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööö (4)
- Low brow thinking

Tasty Action: öööööö (6)
+ Depends what you're definition of 'tasty' is...

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
+ Kirby Bliss Blanton is seriously cute

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)
+ Stupidity of plot and weakness on the fear factor...

Comedic Value: öööö (4)
- Slow and unfunny, torture just isn't fun

Arbitrary final rating: ööööö (5)
For serious gore hounds and novelty horror seekers only…

Liable to make you:
"make a short list of which friends you'd be prepared to get tortured to save"

DM Poster Quote:
“If you're film sucks ass, just add 3D and hope for the best!"

Film Review - Quantum of Solace

Quantum of Solace (12a)

Dir. Marc Forster

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Ah Mr Bond… I’ve been expecting you.

If you’ve come looking for a small degree of comfort, which is what ‘Quantum of Solace’ means, then you’ve come to the wrong place.

Heavy duty action is the name of the game this time as Bond blasts back onto the big screen. Licensed to kill the global box office, the smooth British Agent has already set a UK opening day all time record by taking almost £5million (nearly double what Casino Royale opened with in case you were wondering). But is Daniel Craig’s second tour of duty in the swath tuxedo twice as good as his first?

Unfortunately not, new Bond director Marc ‘Finding Neverland’ Forster sticks with the ‘Bourne’ again gritty gadget-less vibe from Casino Royale but seems to have surgically removed any trace of human emotion. Craig does a good grumpy vengeful force of nature Bond who shoots first and asks questions later – when the minimalist script lets him. Still immensely ticked off at the untimely death of his girlfriend Vesper (Eva Green), Bond gets up M’s (Judi Dench) nose but stumbling across a secret powerful criminal organisation and then killing as many of them as he can.

My Bond girl wife wasn’t impressed, stating that it was all just one action scene strung to another and that the overall experience was dull. As a Bond fan, I wouldn’t go that far, but I have to admit that Quantum of Solace does feel soulless. It’s all very action packed, stylish and looks jolly good but the villain of the piece Dominic Greene (Mathieu Amalric) is a bit duff and just not menacing enough.

Quantum of Solace scores point for its cool cars, jet set globe trotting and foxy females (Olga Kurylenko and Gemma Arterton) but a boys own adventure like this shouldn’t leave an audience feeling mostly underwhelmed.

As M says at one point: “I think you're so blinded by inconsolable rage that you don't care who you hurt. When you can't tell your friends from your enemies, it's time to go…” She could well have been talking to the film makers!?

I imagine that Bond will be back to finish off what could make a decent if not classic Bond trilogy story arc but let’s just hope 007 raises his game in the next one.

"Bond - licensed to tickle your back with his nose..."

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööö (7)

+ You might not be shaken or stirred, but it's good enough

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)

+ Cars, planes, boats, big baddie solar powered bases? yep!

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)

+ Olga Kurylenko and Gemma Arterton are babelicious

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)

+ The shortest Bond film yet, zips along nicely

Comedic Value: ööööö (5)

+ Very few smirks raised

Arbitrary final rating: öööööö (6)

I'm a fan so willing to lap up Bond action and not worry too much about the plot - you might not be so forgiving!?

Liable to make you:

"Want to shoot the script writers and launch a covert mission to get Bond's gadgets back..."

DM Poster Quote:

“Shoot them all and let God sort them out..."


"Olga Kurylenko - mmmmmmmmm"

Darkmatters review of Casino Royale: http://darkmatt.blogspot.com/2006/11/casino-royale-review-best-bond-ever.html

Kirill - what is it?

Stumbled across this interesting logo today - does anyone out there know what it's for?

UPDATE:

Turns out that it's a episodic cool looking drama from MSN (with obligatory Xbox 360 sponsorship in places)...

Check the trailer - what do you reckon?
http://kirill.uk.msn.com/

Are we human? Or are we Dancer?

The Killers are back... but are they Human?

I am a massive fan of The Killers (click here for their site: http://www.thekillersmusic.com/)

And it is with excitement that I anticipate their new album 'Day and Age' which hits next month.

First single 'Human ' is a stomper here's the unofficial youtubetastic rendition (which doesn't have the video):


"My sign is vital. My hands are cold"


My best guess at what their going on about with the 'are we human, or are we dancer?' lyrics is that they must be inspired by the loony / genius Hunter S. Thompson who once wrote about how America was raising "a generation of dancers".


But I could be wrong... Anyway - I managed to bag tickets to their London O2 February 24th show which has made me very very happy!?


As a Christian I am drawn to the line in 'Human' that says "I'm on knees, looking for the answer" - have been there many times... good stuff...



"this is the day and age..."



Previous posts about The Killers:


Killers tour 06


Doesnt look a thing like Jesus

Tis the Season to be PS3

2008 ends with a PlayStation 3 supernova of entertainment...

Matt PSN name: 'Cleric20' Adcock's top 3 games for this holiday:

3. First choice for saving the world...

"The future of online battles meets the Sci-Fi epic of the year"

Resistance 2 is going to rock so hard, prepare for 60 player online and super slick single player campaign - if you have a pulse and have ever enjoyed shooting stuff... Look no further.

2. First choice for Racing fanatics...

"Nosebleed, eyebleed, adrenalin overdose of racing excitement!"

Motorstorm: Pacific Rift... As a big fan of the original and having played the demo of the new Motorstorm - I can't wait to buckle up and hit the lava, water and dirt of the Pacific Rift Island... There won't be a racing experience to rival this for some time!
"There goes the no claims bonus..."

1. First choice for - EVERYONE...

As the Good Book says - 'Let everything that has breath praise the Lord', and there's a new reason to get your knees and give thanks LITTLE BIG PLANET!


"Anyone who has ever played a game - get excited and prepare to make your own!"

Having been gaming since the days of 'Pong' and the ZX Spectrum, I can honestly say that this Christmas is the most exciting ever thanks to Sony and their PS3. The joy of Little Big Planet is tangible - nothing has come close to the winning combination of creating levels, uploading them, downloading other people's and customising every last detail...

Am currently enjoying the PS3 Beta of 'home' and trying to finish Bioshock and Far Cry 2 before the 'Sony Trinity' of Resistance 2, Motorstorm 2 and Little Big Planet hit. If you're investing in a PS3 this holiday my tips for immediate download are: WipeOut HD, Burnout Paradise, PAIN and Warhawk... I'll see you online...

Final thought: if the PS3 was a woman - I think it might be Amber Heard...

More Amber Heard love here: Hottie

Film Review - Burn After Reading

Burn After Reading (15)

Dir. Joel and Ethan Coen

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

This is a highly classified review. So secret and sensitive is the following material that I advise you to ‘Burn After Reading’ – which may be problematic is reading this online... The report on the Coen brothers' latest cinematic experience crucially indicates the potential full-scale incompetence of non other than the CIA.

The first subject under investigation is CIA analyst Osborne Cox (John Malkovich), who quits his job after being sidelined – once his drinking problem is mentioned. He’s come back to his superior is however is typical of Coen brother sublimeness: “You're a Mormon. Compared to you we all have a drinking problem.”

The second subject is gym worker Linda (Frances McDormand), a lovelorn single who dreams of elective surgery to give her a better chance of finding Mr Right. She and dim co-worker Chad (Brad Pitt), stumble upon Cox’s memoirs on a disc and hatch an ill-fated blackmail scam.

Also in this tangled web is womanising wide boy Harry (George Clooney), who carries a big gun, works for the Treasury Department and is having a sordid affair with Cox's wife Katie (Tilda Swinton).

Things get rapidly out of hand with multiple path crosses, double crosses and much profanity backed up by some genuinely hilarious screwball comedy. This isn’t anything like the awesome gritty thrills of the Coen’s No Country for Old Men, Burn After Reading this is much more like a mix between their genius Big Lebowski and much-maligned Ladykillers. The result is uneven and veers from laugh out loud moments to mild bewilderment but overall it’s a film worth seeing as long as you’re not adverse to sporadic acts of violence.

Everyone in Burn After Reading seems to be having a real hoot putting this together and the sense of madcap fun is infectious. You just can’t help but get caught up in the maverick glee streaming from the screen – never more so than when CIA superiors (David Rasche and J.K. Simmons) try to make sense of what is being reported back to them about the whole muddled affair.

Which is summed up:

“So what did we learn from this?”

“Um... I don't know.”

“Report back to me when it makes sense!”



DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööööö (7)
+ Muddled plot takes a bit of keeping up with

Tasty Action: öööööö (6)
+ Some but only sparodic action

Gratuitous Babeness: ööööö (5)
+ Nothing to get steamed up about here

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)
+ Screwballs bouncing left and right, try to keep up!

Comedic Value: öööööööö (8)
+ Some classic funnies in here and Pitt is hilarious

Arbitrary final rating: ööööööö (7)
Decent but not classic Coen comedy

Liable to make you:
"join a gym rather than the CIA"

DM Poster Quote:
“what just happened?"

End note:
Fans of Coen brothers comedies won’t have too long to wait for their next hit as A Serious Man, which will be a black comedy about a professor named Larry whose life unravels when his wife prepares to leave him.

RockandRolla - US Pals have swag to blag...

"r u a rock-n-rolla?"

Want so bling ROCKNROLLA free stuff?

Live in the US?

Check this cool comp: spout.com

Read the Darkmatters review of what was one of the best gangsta flicks this year:
Film review rocknrolla

Give it a click!!

Film Review - The House Bunny

The House Bunny (12a)

Dir. Fred Wolf

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Here’s the year’s contender for ‘most gratuitous but joyous overuse of hot pants in a movie.’ The House Bunny is pretty much a retread of many US college comedies from Animal House to Mean Girls – just with added scantily clad Playboy dumb-blondeness. It’s a one-joke flick that seems to give the message that in order to succeed in life as a woman, all you need to do is be sexy and show a lot of skin.
So we have hot Playboy playmate Shelley (Anna ‘all four Scary Movies’ Faris) whose ambition in life extends only to be a centrefold in the infamous magazine. But her kit off dream is rudely taken from her when after turning 27 (which they say is 59 in ‘Bunny Years’) she is forced to vacate Hef's sexpot mansion. Homeless and clueless in equal measure – Shelley is reluctantly taken in by a desperate bunch of nerdy college misfit females who face eviction from their sorority house for not being able to recruit enough ‘pledges’. Can the Bunnygirl sex up the minging weirdos of Zeta House who include the actually cute but made to look rough Natalie (Emma ‘Superbad’ Stone) and man hating Mona (Kat ‘Charlie Bartlett’ Dennings)? Also in the party of unfortunately socially challenged college girls are full body brace wearing Joanne (Rumer ‘daughter of Bruce’ Willis) and pregnant Harmony (American Idol contestant Katherine McPhee who gets to ruin the end credits with a rubbish song).

"which look do you prefer?"

Faris shows a genuine talent for good natured comedy, delivering semi risqué material with an innocent Goldie Hawn vibe backed up by a killer Farrah Fawcett like figure which gets shot from every conceivable angle in eye watering close up. Along the predictable path to saving the day, Shelley also has time to try and woo old folks home manager Oliver (Colin ‘yes my dad is Tom’ Hanks). Then of course in true Revenge of the Nerds style there is the nasty middle class rival house fronted by a preppie sweater-wearing bitch.
But is The House Bunny for you? That depends entirely on your tolerance for sweet-natured sexiness, women in skimpy outfits and dippy college comedy bonding, complete with pratfalls and the occasional actually rather wry observation. It’s mostly a stupid, vapid, sexist money-spinner but try as I might to find serious fault with this, I found it hard and came out smiling having been amused.

"the House Bunnies take to the street..."

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: ööööö (5)
+ No braincells were hurt in the making of this movie

Tasty Action: öööö (4)
+ Not a great deal here

Gratuitous Babeness: ööööööööö (9)
+ Wow, fit bunny fun ahoy...

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)
+ Blonde and dim but watchable

Comedic Value: ööööööö (7)
+ Should make you laugh out loud a couple of times

Arbitrary final rating: öööööö (6)
Far better than you might expect

Liable to make you:
"appreciate Playboy Bunnies as humans with feelings...

- just kidding LOL"

DM Poster Quote:
“vapid bunny hot pant frenzy"

Sci Fi Babes are back... Heroes vs Terminator

Sci Fi has never looked so good

So as Heroes Season 3 hits the UK and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles follows shortly... the question everyone needs to ask themselves is - which babe would you choose?

Exhibit A: Claire Bennet...

"also known as Hayden Panettiere"

In the third season of Heroes - Claire is found by Sylar, who may or may not be her uncle. He cuts open her skull and examines her brain. This allows him take her ability to regenerate; however, a side effect is that she loses the ability to feel physical pain.

"she's one cheerleader worth saving!"

or

Exhibit B: Cameron Phillips...
"she looks cute but she could kick your butt"

Cameron Phillips (Summer Glau) is a former Skynet Infiltrator, class T-OK715, from the apocalyptic future of 2027, reprogrammed by Tech-Com leader John Connor.


"here's one we made earlier... just not quite finished"

Cameron's programming enables her to mimic human emotions and behaviours but she's also programmed with the knowledge of martial arts and other hand-to-hand combats. She has an affection to art and music such as Chopin's Nocturne in C-sharp minor and ballet. Cameron is programmed to protect John Connor at all costs...

VOTE NOW:

Claire or Cameron

More about Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

Some bonus Hayden Panettiere...

How about a third option - AMBER HEARD??

Film Review - Death Race

Death Race (15)

Dir. Paul W.S. Anderson

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Gentlemen… Start your engines!

You join us live from the 2012 Grand Prix – the drivers are just taking the first corner… oh my goodness, one has just blown up, another is getting out of his car and beating the living daylights out of a competitor and a third is firing two heavy duty machine guns into the back of an opponent – what is Lewis Hamilton thinking?

Welcome to a whole new way of racing, this is racing enriched with serious weaponry and hot female co-drivers. As my esteemed friend I’m joined in the bullet proof commentary box tonight by John ‘Ford Focus – there’s no substitute’ Richardson what are you thinking? "This film makes boy racers look like feeble Sunday drivers"…
We’re talking insane bloodlust, speed and carnage (with the emphasis on the ‘car’)!?
Back to John: "whatever you do...DON'T get out of the car!"
He’s got a point too as in Deathrace the only place more dangerous than being in one of the modified muscle cars on the track is being outside of on the of the modified muscle cars on the track… It’s enough to give the Green Cross Code man a hernia just watching!
Final word from John: "I'd like to see how the lollypop lady handles this kind of traffic!" Yes, me too, it’s much more carmageddon than the school run…

So – is this the film for you? Well, if the thought of the director of Resident Evil updating the camp B-movie nasty Death Race 2000and resetting it in a prison where the prize on offer for wining the race is freedom but when they say there’s no point for second place, that’s because the person in second place is probably dead!
It’s a future where crazed inmates compete to the death live on TV pay-per-view and millions of viewers tune in to see newly convicted Jensen Ames (Statham) - framed for murdering his wife – take on the mantel of legendary masked racer ‘Frankenstein’.

Ian McShane is on hand to add a spot of reflection as Ames’ team Coach (who likes Death Racing so much he’s stayed on in prison after his sentence) and there’s obligatory babe action from Natalie Martinez as his co-driver, who comes equipped with her own set of impressive airbags (see below).


"Martinez - co-pilot of your dreams..."

Snippet of plot taster from evil Warden Hennessey (Joan ‘Bourne’ Allen): “the fans call Frankenstein. A man so disfigured by crashes that he's forced to wear a mask. His return to the track is highly anticipated, and therein lies my problem. No one knows yet, but poor Frank died on an operating table not long after his last race. Anyone can wear the mask, but not just anyone can drive the car. You have the skills required to keep the legend alive. I want you to become Frankenstein. The chances are good. I'm offering you your freedom, Mr. Ames. If it's not worth risking your life for, what is?”

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööö (6)
+ Disengage brain for best results!

Tasty Action: öööööööö (8)
+ Broom broom bang…

Gratuitous Babeness: öööööööö (8)
+ Martinez is pure eye candy

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)
+ Stupid and proud

Comedic Value: öööööö (6)
+ Some funnies- look out for the pre death subtitle of 14k

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööö (8)
If you like violent action and cars you 'Auto' like this alot!!

Liable to make you:
"pull doughnuts in the carpark - whatever you drive"

DM Poster Quote:
“when I hit the dashboard I'd like you to launch the Model 7 Russian Armory, armor piercing, self arming missiles!"

Not everyone will like this... here's proof: http://chriscurtis.typepad.com/weblog/2008/08/death-race.html

In fact - one of best pals Mike - whose opinion I value above most had this to say...

"Man, I can't believe you gave the unbelievably bad Death Race 8 out of 10, were you high? Or drunk out of your mind?

I dragged four people along to see that sorry piece of sh*t and now they all hate me, and you.

Of course it won't affect our friendship, you have enough in the bank with me to withstand a much harder kick in the teeth than this, but your film review standing has slid down the league table to somewhere below the hit-and-miss Jonathan Woss and only above The Sun's 'The Sneak' on goal difference.

Your 'if Matt likes it I'll like it' licence has been revoked, and replaced with 'take it under advisement' status.Talk of the devil, just got a text from you. Yes, you are right, I didn't expect intellectual or poetic genius that would stir the soul from Death Race. What I did hope for; a half decent plot or back story on which to hang the action, some characters I even gave a tagnut of a sh*t for, or even just some characters, tasty high octane four wheeled action sequences that got my blood pumping and not this pedestrian limp rubbish which continually drained the pace with pointless cut-aways to the warden smiling or scowling (about as scary as the ghost train ride on Brighton Pier) or Lovejoy looking like he was passing kidney stones.

I hoped for some humour, some classy one-liners and some clever twists; the film could only muster a bucketful of turgid ancient cliches, delivered by apologetic performances. At one point near the end of this painfully long B-road car journey one of the black posse looks straght into the camera and says 'this is bad.' Most of the audience agreed wholeheartedly, one man sitting behind me nearly choking on his coke as the moment delivered some much needed entertainment. I guess I shouldn't have expected more from the director who spewed forth such vomitus as Alien vs Predator, Soldier, and Mortal Kombat but he did do the Resident Evil trilogy which I do rather like. The only good bits were the TV coverage footage and that would account for less than a minute of the film. In summary, I thought this film was one of the worst I've ever endured, it sucked the sweat off a dead man's balls."

Ouch... so there you at least have an alternative view to um, add balance?


"Mike is the one of the left..."

But I still kind of liked Deathrace - which is just plain odd.

Film Review - Brideshead Revisited

Brideshead Revisited (12a)

Dir. Julian Jarrold

Reviewed by Matt Adcock

Nobody does the lives and loves of posh totty quite like Evelyn Waugh in his various classic books and in Brideshead Revisited we have a poignant story of forbidden love and lost innocence set in England prior to the Second World War. I grew up watching the 1980’s TV series version starring Laurence Olivier,Diana Quick and Jeremy Irons on BBC One, ah those blissful languid days enjoying a taste of juicy unattainable upper class love…

But now Julian ‘Becoming Jane’ Jarrold has remade the tale for the big screen and a whole new audience have the chance to get acquainted with middle-class Charles Ryder (Matthew ‘The Lookout’ Goode) and marvel at his love triangle with brother and sister Sebastian (Ben Whishaw) and Julia (Hayley ‘The Duchess’ Atwell) Flyte… There’s much drinking, smoking and feasting amongst the gleaming spires of Oxford and then at the wonderful Brideshead Estate – almost as if that’s all the upper class have to fill their time with – plus the occasional jaunt to Venice… Charles is at first the innocent, beguiled by the Flytes and their hoity-toity ways, but as the plot progresses his involvement on their lives will have far reaching and unforeseen implications.

"some prices are very high"

Obviously some things have changed and much has been either chopped out or condensed but both my wife (who hadn’t watched the original series) and I found the film version to be engaging and thought provoking escapism. Hero of the piece Charles this time is much ‘straighter’ in the new version which comes across less ‘Brokeback Revisited’ and more a focus of how Catholicism induced guilt wrecks lives however posh you are. It’s beautifully written, wonderfully shot and the characters are ones worth spending some time with. Heavyweight support is on offer in the form of Emma Thompson and Michael Gambon – plus I am a big Matthew Goode fan, be sure to look out for him next year as Ozymandias in the much anticipated ‘Watchmen’.
I admire Jarrod’s style as a director, he cut his teeth on gritty TV dramas like Cracker and Silent Witness and here he demonstrates that he is just as at home with large scale period drama. Waugh fans of either the book or TV series should be widely pleased with the new film version as it manages to keep the decedent spirit of the original whilst adding enough nice additional touches to make this a viable companion piece.

DARKMATTERS RATING SYSTEM (all ratings out of maximum 10 but '-' is bad whereas '+' is good):

Endorphin Stimulation: öööööööö (8)

+ Lots to ponder beyond the good looking sc

Tasty Action: ööööö (5)

+ Drinking is not a hobby

Gratuitous Babeness: ööööö (5)

+ Haley Atwell is a bit of a fox

Mind Blight / Boredom: ööööö (5)

+ Something for everyone here

Comedic Value: ööööö (5)

+ Amusing in places but not a comedy

Arbitrary final rating: öööööööö (8)

Decent remake that delivers the goods.

Liable to make you:
"fancy some posh"

DM Poster Quote:

“lifestyles of the rich and frivolous..."

PS3 Game Review - Star Wars The Force Unleashed

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed

Lucas Arts

Reviewed by Matt ‘Vader’ Adcock

I must straight away declare an interest here – I’m a massive Star Wars fan. A New Hope was the first movie I saw in the cinema (I was 6, it wasn’t even called part 4 back then…) and my eldest son is named ‘Luke’ so I can every night tell him “Luke – I am your father” in my best Vader voice… This Christmas I will again tell him that “Luke – I have felt your presents” and laugh to myself but at least you get the idea…

So I felt a disturbance in the force when I heard that Star Wars: The Force Unleashed was arriving for consoles (my weapon of choice being the PS3). Whatever your feelings for the extended Star Wars saga, most of the games based on the material have sucked, perhaps Battlefront was fun and Jedi Knight okay? Anyway, The Force Unleashed takes place in the dark era between Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith and Star Wars: Episode IV A New Hope. You get to become Darth Vader's ‘Secret Apprentice’ tasked with exterminating the last of the Jedi… Equipped with a trusty red glowing light saber, the instructions are to leave no witnesses (Vader doesn’t want anyone tipping off the Emperor that there’s a new Sith in town) – slaughtering Storm Troopers, Clones, Jawas, various robots and all kinds of other creatures in the order of the day. It’s less ‘Order 66’ and more ‘Order 666’… Leave your mercy at the door!

“You can’t imagine the power of the dark side of the force…” Darth Adcock

Sorry – got carried away there and it’s easy to do because The Force Unleashed gives you all the powers of a Sith Lord – so get ready to force grip, force push and rain burning force lightening down on your Jedi foes.


"New babe Jedi Maris Brood voiced by Adrienne Wilkinson"

Praise Yoda for some shiny new technology that’s makes this possible - Digital Molecular Matter (DMM), by Pixelux Entertainment, and euphoria by NaturalMotion Ltd. are the coolest physics systems around - everything reacts pretty much like it should - wood breaks like wood, glass shatters like glass, Wookies scream with impotent rage as you pick them up using the force and fling them off cliffs etc…

As you progress through the levels which are nicely varied such as on board spaceships, on various planets etc you can level up the secret apprentice in a RPG lite system that works well. There’s joy in unlocking new costumes and tinkering with your light saber (as in changing the power crystals etc – I don’t know what you were thinking)… and very satisfying it is too. But nothing compares to the adrenaline rush of evil glee that ripping through a battalion of storm troopers and bringing down an AT ST by slicing it down the middle single handed… You'll even get chance to go one on one with Lord Vader and perhaps most excitingly of all - Darth Maul, bring it!!

Sure some of the levels have some crunching difficult sections or annoyingly ‘unfair’ elements that will require repeated trial and error but the cut scene rewards at the end of each make it very worth while sticking with it. Make it to the end of the game and you’ll even have the chance to change the future path of events in a jaw dropping alternative ‘Dark Side’ ending that would negate what happens in the films IV – VI… Shocking but cool!

If you’ve ever had any love for Star Wars, then this should be a must buy. The story works really well – the action is pure ‘wish fulfilment’ and there are even new Star Wars figures in the shops to collect (guess what my sons are getting for Christmas…)

As Vader once said: “You underestimate the power of the Dark Side. If you will not fight, then you will meet your destiny.” It is your destiny to buy and enjoy Star Wars: The Force Unleashed - may the force be with you!!

Darkmatters rating: öööööööö (8 out of 10)


"If you take on the Emperor, expect some serious situations to arise..."

Harry Potter & Half Blood Prince update

Harry: "Hey Hermione, we can chill till next summer!!"

Here's the latest word on the Half Blood Prince...